OMFMG!!!!! I fucking figured it out. I have been writing about it this whole time and it didn't even Dawn on me. We are the robots this time we are the androids of mankind. Yes that is it I had to figure this part out. Don't you see they created a system already that makes us mankind completely dependent on them. Our food huge clue. Synthetic. Making us zombies with these drugs don't feel. Don't feel the pain don't feel the poison. If it is all ready what it is like for someone like me to figure this out then all you people really need to get a clue. Even in the last place I was in. I had to sign papers that by law had to put a label on my head before I could be released. No matter what anyone thought. I mean my God people my room mate and her manifestations. I told her it was her guilt because she is still alive. If he has nothing to say just tell him to go away until he is ready to tell you something. She couldn't do it, but she came back and said "you know what Colleen what you said to me is exactly what the psychiatrist said to me?" She did at the time have a seven year old son. She was security in the service technology not supposed to be on the front lines. She said "A seven year old little girl waved at us and she blew up right then." This woman felt it had something to do with her seven year old daughter at the time. Talk about dejavu. Talk about irony that this is my room mate.
Look even today in this system and these computers at the most basic place of all has no back up people when it shuts down due to technology/money, taxes. Everything to even make these phones work today you need a computer or another cell to make it work. Not many land lines out there are there. It cost 2.39 for a small container of fresh berries which are wilty by the way and you can get a 2.39 ounce of miniature nutter butters for a dollar. Isn't that bassackwards for today? So soon. Even the ones in the hospitals and all this insurance cost that are receiving the most healthcare pay from the system are only collecting twenty percent and they are shutting down. How far in debt are we gonna go to a insurance system? I mean did they have to put a label on my head for health cost reasons?
Insurance reasons to pay for it? Even my own state lawyer came in the evening after I was already supposed to be in court and she got mad because I told the truth to the judges clerk. Don't you see I can't lie on this mission. I didn't even know that but then the opposite things pop out of my mouth at the damdest times. When I got back from a court room located in another hospital in Seattle that had the Seattle Tribe art work hanging in the lobby and my own lawyer couldn't get that I was praying with feathers in my hair. Which I have that right to do. I can't even say I'm Native in this system without the state telling me how native I really am inside. Without the state telling me how much I am worth unless I give my blood or documentation today to still prove it.
Working at that discount grocery store in Bellevue you wouldn't believe the people in there paying two fifty for a bag of small wilty avocado's and they bought them up like they were hotcakes. The irony in this in what I see in the peoples food habits is the East Indian people drank a huge amount of milk. EBT card or not. The irony of the people who work in these state offices and volunteer in these programs are barely making it. Irony is the people who were the most out of shape and hurting the worst inside were eating the processed food, because truly it is the cheapest its the people born here who are the sickest. You would not believe the people standing there counting change or checking the balance on that EBT card for food, it's not even the end of their month.
My EBT card has two dollars something on it. Went to QFC which is the most expensive grocery store anywhere. Especially the section a homeless person like me has to shop out of. Yesterday it was Michaels birthday that big 50. Thank God I made it this far. We have a little cash to make it until Friday so Michael wanted to use the EBT card at Safeway. Truly I at this point I can't put another turkey sandwich or any sandwich down me right now. We spent twenty bucks for two lunches of six inch sandwich's, two bags of chips, and two pops. Twenty bucks people. We spend that at McDonalds and Burger King. You know what the irony is I could of used this EBT card at a teriyaki place next door and gotten chicken, rice and a iceberg lettuce with dressing for the same amount. A hot meal at that with broccoli.
Our answers to problems and in solutions to any thing medically that ails us is our food. Let me go back here as I have been taken back through my life I have been taken back through my diet. I do not fit the standard statistical food chart to feed the masses. I have realized I feed myself what I need to survive. I realized looking at the man in front of me at the counter this morning and he had a huge amount of candy in front of him that this is the answer right here. When our bodies are out of balance we do whatever we can do to feed it whether we are addicted to something or not. We are all it seems looking for ways to have energy because we are all stressed and tired.
They showed me early on about my diet and food. Keith feels bad about this when I wrote it, but truly on this journey in the beginning I somehow always got fed just what I needed. If I didn't like it I just didn't eat. Even My X will tell you if she is stranded on a desert island and their is only shellfish around, like oysters and clams, she will starve. It is true I will not touch something that I know I cannot keep down me. What is the point, I'd be more miserable and sick than just starving. Even more dehydrated. Keith however when Cyndi wasn't home to feed us we ate what we had. He sugared the fuck up in me. It was always on nights I'd have to get back out there for some reason. I'd need to be awake.
I know I don't have fat cells truly hardly anywhere anymore. Still a bit of a thorn in my side. I'm cutting it quick to the chase some days. Since I was eighteen I started the coffee. Another natural resource to use as a upper. Out here I fuel up on carbs as much as I can. Carbs come in many forms, bread, and sugar which is starch. I know I need protein it's either boiled eggs or chicken or turkey for protein. Beef Jerky in the snack section. Any real fruit is gonna cost to much or get destroyed, heat and a back pack are gonna kill that so it is a Odwahla or whatever organic or fuel drink I can get for the price. Sandwiches remember not allot of choices for someone like me. Hate onions and celery and ish other stuff but I know what my body needs when I need it.
The first treatment center I went to eight thousand dollars. They slammed these ladies off of everything. Now what allot of you don't know is by the time I went to re-hab for alcohol I tied one on about every two months three times. I started drinking wine with my dinner because it numbed the pain between my shoulder blades. Couldn't get a treatment from Greg until like three days later, so I paid another local chiropractor twenty five bucks to adjust me once a week when I needed it, but her body started hurting her so she had to change her technique when she adjusted me. I would be so locked up I needed more than that activator gun. You had to slam my body now to even get my disc to move. Having a dislocated rib and getting it popped back in is about the equivalent to having a shoulder or knee needing to be popped back into place. I'd just take a deep breath because I knew it was gonna hurt like hell for a few then the pain would pass and ease.
In this rehab they believed in treating everyone the same with there food caffeine and sugar intake even though these women were all withdrawing off different things. What pissed me off is I get migraines if I dont have caffeine. The cook used red onions to replace the fact we had no sugar. I hate red onions. I puke. I was told I was being ungrateful for not liking the food. What I was was hungry and I paid right thousand dollars to be given guideance and tools to stay sober. Not some head trip about me being ungrateful. To place everyone in the same place and treated the same is wrong. My diet and what I eat and drink is for my health. Don't make me suffer or feel guilty because I'm not as sick.
I realized that as each person goes through the day, if our bodies only intake processed food we crave it more, it takes us off balance and we get sicker. Our food quite frankly has been shit. My father in law told me one thing I never forgot I never drowned my food anyways. I didn't even have gravy on my mashed potato's. I do now however. He said "Colleen take that corn on the cob for example, if its truly good corn it will be naturally sweet. You shouldn't have to drowned it in butter and enhancers to get the flavors."
I had a cleaning lady that came every two weeks for three hours. I bartered that gold truck I got from my dad. The old one from the late sixty's to early seventy's that was painted gold and put together with bondo for cleaning services. I did everything I could do to be home when she cleaned. It was my one chance to get to the window's, toy boxes sorted and bed sheets washed. She'd do three hours and so would I. For about one hour I'd get peace of mind, A breath that it is all done even if it's just an hour. It freed me up to do something with my girls or it finally dawned on me just why to this day my favorite thing for both of my daughters to this day is me in the kitchen cooking.
I never understood this but looking back yes I was always in that kitchen. When you have a Indigo child they are lil pockets of energy. They burn allot of fuel. They don't gain weight, they burn it. Alex woke up hungry and it took Kiley forty five minutes. If we wasn't on a morning schedule off to school or the office they got choices in the kitchen, but I had a drawer of organic fruit bars, granola bars for calcium, in the fridge celery and peanut butter, turkey and cheese rolled up for snacks. Berries in the garden. When I ran to the office one day, my cleaning lady usually had her kids there too. I walked in the door and they all picked strawberries out of the garden and she taught my children to put sugar on their berries.
I can honestly say Alex didn't get hyped up from natural sugar it was that sugar cane. Which as adults is my point, whether diabetic or not. Whether we decide to stop drinking caffeine or we are coming off a illegal drug or illegal drug, We can get that lift from our food again. When we go through the grocery and they advertise probiotics in a jar, or a pill or in our yogurt culture, it's already in yogurt. We are paying for the advertisement for the container to re create something that is already there. We are all getting dependent on something especially our technology, at this time. Out here in this society which really is just knocking on your backdoor we are paying for taxes on this technology and our food and our medicine. We are being taught to adapt to the poison and take the blame and if this goes on mankind's future is looking really bleak.
Fuck I just killed my Lady Bug. I love Lady Bugs. I stayed up all night making and decorating lil lady bug cupcakes for my children's birthday party. I even made one big lady bug cupcake. Every year I'd buy up the lady bugs and release them in my rose garden but they always went to other peoples gardens I guess. Now I killed a lady bug I found crawling on my back pack. It's been crawling around on my computer screen. I placed it there for luck. My lady bug lucky charm. I even forgot about my lady bug and shut this laptop up and when I returned my lady bug was still there. It made me happy because I was in a rage talking about all these other doctors you get sent to for all these test for just a headache now a days. Yeah thousands and thousands of dollars being spent just for migraines. Hours missed and work for doctors he had no idea why even. Yeah the standards and guidelines to treat anything else but the pain in the first place is pretty outrageous.
The doctor gave him propranolol for high blood pressure. He had high blood pressure and it helped his migraines. He explained why he's stressed. Hell you'd be stressed to always something hanging over your head just for a roof. The food they have to eat minimum choices on that. Should of been told to come back in a week and tell me how it works. Instead he was referred to doctor after doctor for months. He still had no idea why? He keeps asking along the way to each doctor, what are you testing me for why am I here? You'll have to go back to your primary for that." I was on this medication for years. I didn't have high blood pressure and it did nothing for my migraines either. It was part of the many cocktails of drugs I have been on.
He goes back and Keith asks him and he never answered him why? In the mean time Keith's propranolol has been cut in half his blood pressure is better. Still get's migraines and you know the irony? I give him my Imitrex migraine pills, which just shuts the nerve endings down and reduces the pain and for some reason the tension in the neck around it. My friend Tina who literally had a personality change when she hurt real bad in the morning pretty much living with me almost the whole time. Sent on the same doctor gauntlet highway to hell. Funny thing is for a alcoholic or addict she never asked me for my drugs but when I had them I handed them over. Those Imitrex were pretty amazing. You see my migraines are better. I don't need them so much. The same pills that I paid thousands of dollars for that are dirt cheap now to even pay cash for today comparatively speaking from then to today.
Remember most any money I got after our divorce was all these meds and doctors. All these experiments on my body. I begged the doctors and even had to beg in hospitals for that Imitrex shot I had to prove myself. "I told them literally these pills are like gold to me. I can get back to my family and my life. Minimum side effects and I couldn't get not one doctor to put in a request to get more even though I had been to four neurologist, I couldn't afford chiropractic or massage anymore, The last neurologist put his feet on his desk and said "face it, you get migraines. Some people just get them for know reason. Yours are a combination of neurological and muscular skeletal. I need both med's but I only had six to nine a month depending on the med I could get. I was always in a quandary which do I take. One works but I only get so many and the other I get blamed for taking them. I also didn't know I was a filter then either. Truth is their is such a thing as some people tolerance goes us but not the addiction. This is just one of the many points I have made about this system. I'd take it the way a doctor told me and I'd run out or told I was wrong by another doctor.
We have doctors so caught up in a system of not taking in any responsibility but still getting paid collecting checks from the insurance companies and having to cover there ass because they knew they could of easily treated Keith's migraines the first couple of times. So now Keith is getting help for half of his problem again. Just like me and all these other people out here.
Michael slipped and fell at work. This company had a Workman's comp. He reported it. He saw a doctor. About for months later he was sent to a chiropractor far away. Then four months later sent again for more x rays at another chiropractor. Like four months later another doctor further away. After a year they call him up and ask him "how ya feeling?" Michael has finally been diagnosed with arthritis after years and years right between his two shoulder blades with two different arthritis. The whole time he paid for his own massage and chiropractic and still did whatever physical therapy he could get covered. No curvature in his lower spine. He drove me nuts. I'd be talking to him and he'd just disappear. "I'd look over Michael where did you go?" Out of the blue Michael would just get a pain and fall to the floor. He was always stretching and pulling on himself.
He gets a $130 a month for all this help from the VA. Something happened to Michaels heart in a huge way then in the service and his relationship. Slam he hit the ground. She took his car, and bank account. Called the service blah blah blah. I actually wrote a song yesterday called "Hustle of the Heart." I had just sent Michael to get his own balls on his fiftieth birthday without realizing I did it and when he came back he handed me a milk and we shared a apple fruit. They were out of coconut balls at Uwajimaya of all things it dawned on me that when I was in the eight grade the only cooked apple product I ever was a apple fritter. I got a big allowance for food. My mom worked crazy hours. I stopped at Winchell's Donuts. My other donut was the devils food chocolate donut. Michael does not know this he does not read my blog.
Michael has a job he can physically do and today of all days he's supposed to be looking for a apartment for us. He is there I am here. He is in a shelter finally able to meet with his case manager. It takes Michael two hours each way to get back and forth from there to where he has a bed. Michael is paying for our storage. Phone's food and anything else he can to feed me out here. You know to take care of his woman because really I ain't going back to be told when to get up and go snack to bed. To be told when I can walk on and off a property if I do I can't come back in.
When the agreement was I have to be back inside by ten. Always been this way all along. Now church's are in fear of being hit or robbed so they allow us in but we can only be within these parameters. So now the shelter is in a jam. I can walk on coming in from a job, be told they don't know if they can let me in for a bed. Have to call someone they have to ask. They know I'm working, I mean I even had to explain how this works. I even had to point out how I had to get the number. Gotta have a job? For like three four nights always something.
Now I admit Ms. Butterfingers with the food fetish didn't help stealing heat packs and butter, but really lock it up. Don't take the whole tribe down for something like that. I see it everywhere. I have walked on and off every church and surveyed my surroundings, did my lil routine and prayer to hook me up for the day or night. After carrying other women's bags. Not complaining but never stepping out of line, I get called to the mat for doing something I pretty much was doing every night my prayer my meditation in my own way around every church. Never did nothing really but at this time my knew thing was dancing with my shadow standing on my tippy toes.
Hey I don't know who that shadow is but I know one thing it's a hell of allot better than dancing with that other shadow I threw all my hate and rage into. The one that shrouded me in pain and hid me from the truth. I have snuck out early in the morning at some places smoked three cigarettes praying at rocks under the moonlight. Am I hurting anything no not really. Caroline who works here and well I love Caroline, but Caroline some times goes to far drawing the line. Isn't always truthful about it or even fair. Truth is you have to be like that. In order to manage people however you have to have the flexibility for the individual.
I even looked at her and I said "even the volunteers and me have worked out a compromise. I do not dance with my shadow on this land in the parking lot. I step off the land under the street lamp we wave at each other now. This is my spirituality time with my right hand in the air letting my emotions go. I let my family feed me this way. I told her is my kind of prayer time. I even said, Caroline I can understand if you didn't know me but you know me. I have never stepped out of line here. Every place I go to I do something different. My contract says ten o clock and you can't keep me on a land with a ingress and a egress. Telling me when and how I can walk on. My contract this whole time and my own behavior doesn't warrant you eighty sixing me off this property for forty eight hours."
I had my sweatshirt, my double shot espresso in my back pack, my head phones, flashlight, eleven dollars in my sports bra. AHHHHH!!!Freedom is nice isn't it. Enjoy it. The movie I hated was Mad Max. It horrified me. Yeah great another movie about justice. Some other assholes who had no respect for life raped and killed his child and wife. Yeah he nearly got himself getting justice. No one else seemed to notice. He's still alone. No one else noticed that in all these futuristic justice movies their are very few people. What few people or groups their are are enslaved and living in fear. Hungry and desperate for food and medicine. Now I would call that a pretty bleak future wouldn't you? Where's the justice if we have no food, no life, no children, no future all to feed a illusion to feed the poison in someone else's wallet.
Guess what Michael can't stay in this shelter and he's back to being homeless. On a day he is supposed to be using and utilizing a program we are in together after a year of doing it the V.A.'s way and he is on the hustle to keep a roof over his head just so he can go to work. All because now Michael makes to much money. That check was not enough to pay for a motel room or food in between paychecks. He finally got two days off in a row and he is kicked out. Always just get your foot inside of one door before the rules are changed or now that you barely made it out the door, you no longer fit in here so now you have to go. We would of both been homeless out there together. I would of been alone. I may not have my family here but I do up there.
Oh yeah about that hustle of the heart. Their is no bigger crime then the hustle of the heart. Men always a scam always a hustle. The biggest crime of all is the hustle of the heart. First they pull the love, then the food, then the roof over your head. They take you down and make you pay. In this system and in the heart. They cheat they lie. Either in the bed or behind the your back, what's the point either way. To even open your mouth you are told you are lying and crazy when the truth is these two poisonous seeds were planted in the heart and in the soul oh so long ago. Some days I ask for once can't love just come easy? Why does love have to be so hard? I always have to give something to receive something out here and I don't care what anyone says it's not going to be my blood or my body anymore.
You get to these counters, which are truly clerical jobs I could do with my eyes closed if I had a corporation like them, Oh hell thats right they are the corporation and they set the standards for america every where in every nation, walking through these doors are truly educated people who have been beateen down and meant to feel like failures because we set the education system on all these indigo kids and how they learn long ago. Even in the school and our own diplomas standards and the systems changed so much that even a engineering degree had to go scientific. Bianary code zero one. Mathmatical code 01. Worm holes in our computer systems worm holes in the solar system. Worms give nutrition to the soil. You use worms to bait a hook. We eat with those worms. Can't worms regrow? Aren't worms both sexes?
It pissed me off that I had homework with my five year old who was in kidnergarten. The answer "oh ya know the cirriculum ya goota keep up. We are supposed to tech them young to do homework so when they got to college they will be ready." Keep up with what the numbers and standards of how we are educated and what we really need to run our own societies? They even change how a resume for pretty much every job out there now has to be standardized and have it be done this one certain way for this job title that fits all this descritption of every job now that fills every page. Basically says your gonna do three peoples jobs during your job. Oh and you have to get certified to serve customers now. We have to keep taking and paying for us tax payers to get jobs that we all know someone else probably next door can do just as well.
They have shut down our wells on private land. OMG! That is what I meant when I recorded myself. "Yes that is the problem I see here we are going into to many peoples houses." We have already signed on that dotted line. Oh yes and when I got back from that court that I couldn't even stand in front of the judge in order for him to see I am a perfectly capable, analytical, and articulate person. The law made it so I couldn't do that. When I got back the psychiatrist wanted to know what I was doing back? Did you know the reason why that king county woman put me away was because I was washing the blood out of my panties and socks?
Funny you see I never got one bite anywhere on my body until that day and it happened to be on the bruises on my outer thighs from my thighs hitting the seats. Not one ant bite until that day. Huge ones two inches wide. She didn't see those. They took my clothes and gave them back to me dirty. I had every time I had gone into that place asked for a tampon and it took hours. Everytime on my period. It is a hospital and I can't get a tampon. I couldn't get a band aid in one place. Every place I went the filthiest places were the bathrooms. No matter where I go in a hospital that my insurance is supposedly paying for you can get someone else to clean your mother fucking bathrooms. Every place hospitals just like the courts get to decide everything about you. I didn't even have a choice after the woman called the first time and king county showed up to ask me questions. It lasted a whole couple of minutes my tears my prayers.
I'll be God Damned if I didn't look like a native woman by then. I mean please all of a sudden I'm wearing braides in my hair with feathers, my skin is tan, crying with my right hand in the air on native land standing over native land crying and praying and she has the mother fucking right to call the police. She makes a accusation and I have to deal with her judgement fear and burden. Someone says you do something different and you committ a crime. I dont even get to be proven innoncent in this system. He saw I was fine. A native woman or a human being now cannot have a emotional moment it seems without someone thinking your crazy. Dammit it really is that easy. You don't have to do anything to get eighty sixed.
Someone put a accusation out there and bam I'm guilty. I'm done. For just standing on land, a rock crying I am put in a position of having to defend myself of a accusation that was based on one moment in time. A perfect stranger got to place her fear on me and I have to actually get a lawyer to defend and disprove her accusation for being emotional in my heart for a moment in time.
Even in jail, or a hospital once you are in, they say things like in this system or this county or this way the first day doesn't count or that doesn't count. They decide what counts and how much you are gonna pay for breaking the most assinine rules in the first place that they created all the guidelines.
Our kids were forced to be raised in two parent homes and it is a personal choice not a society choice how I raise and school my children. I want to know why through kindergarten up to second grade I kept asking teachers and that God Damed councelor who was diagnosing my child and studying her all along without my permission in the first place because he already knew.
They just placated and gave me more assinine ideas how to keep up with all the fundraising we as parents do for these schools. While they get the power to set the curriculum and standard and how my child should be able to behave to fit into their classroom. All based on some numbers that were created for my children to learn just one way. In these schools their is just one way especially when most children learn from seeing and doing not sitting in a chair or on a drug because they say so. Anyone who understands their child learns just as well another way has to pay extra money for that service to teach their child to keep up with the numbers in order to get into college.
I didn't send my child to school to go door to door to sell shit for their education. Then the upgrades of all the list of supplies as what and how we do things with our child, while they take away recess, music, shop, P.E. God only knows what else. I never even gave them permission to meet with my child and no one fucking knew me and Greg were struggling all those years, do you want to know why?
Because I was at that school with my child. I brought to the play ground chinese jumprope during recess, I brought there favorite luch during lunch and hung out with my children, and they couldn't tell me they saw that my child just learned a different way. I did but I was made to feel guilty and ashamed. Then I get my kid on the medication and she's up all night crying and crashing, and I'm still not getting answers from her school. So I show up in recess without Alex around and I finally got a straight answer from her lil friends when I asked them if Alex seemed Okay?
Only to find out when I get to Greg's house and I look in the cupboard he hadn't given her one pill the whole month and my kid was roller coastering up and down. Crying in my lap all night long. Then later on when Greg did give them Kiley told me they found them in the couch. I didn't have a problem with my child's abilities. I didn't have a problem getting that pill down her either. I had a problem when I couldn't stop Alex from going after her sister. I couldn't get Greg on the phone to help me with her. She was my size almost and looking back I was torn in half between the two. Indigo children are sensory children I knew that all along but it always pissed me off when someone interfeared with both of my children's way to self sooth at a young age.
One had a thumb and one had a binky. They suck their thumbs and fingers in the womb. They suck to feed off the tit or bottle. Sensory children like a soft blanky to soothe. They didn't do this in pre-school or school but in the car on the way home yes they did. Every child needs time to day dream and shut down. We are told they need to stop this by this age. They need to potty train by that age. Want to know why? Society says so. Gotta go to work, daycare or school right? Gotta pay that mortgage and taxes for all this service which has really become a disservice to our children and our families today. Truly allot to much pressure and only pretty much one standard to achieve only one way is making us feel pressure and our children feel it.
That first treatment center I went to would allow no one to have caffeine or sugar. I get migraines and I need my caffeine, that doesn't matter. So this woman replaced the sugar with red onions. I hate red onions, they make me puke. How is that condusive to my health when I can't even eat the food they serve for my own health because of the other drug addicts. The one place who had the solution to this problem was the last place I went in on this journey for praying, bloody panties and socks, that if they'd just let me go hours before I could of went home and got them. This cunt got me lost in this system and I told her she would and she did. I told her I spoke to a lawyer and you are stopping from being able to be at the counter for the third time to actually start me in one of these helpful little programs.
This had individual choices on each menu for each person. Including small, medium or large. For those that could have caffeine got caffeine, If they couldn't have sugar do to health reason or were limited to how much they got it. These people in this place were treated as a individual. This needs to be done in treatment centers. Our food and medicine. The first place was small but they had visual aid, huge pictures of rocks tree's and water. This place nothing on the walls. I also realized that I don't give a fuck if its a new place or not. Don't set yourself up for failure if you can't give them the best care possible. Only a TV during certain hours, game time with a instructor revolved around therapy. They had nothing to do in between time.
What hospital institution where anyone is coming up or down off of anything and you are locked inside some of these people against their will. A couple of books to check out. No journals, drawing aid's games, cards, felt pens, beads, arts and crafts for them to do. Their isn't just one kind of therapy or a one way cure, but don't ever lock all these people in one place and don't feed them. This place brought the food trays in in hot boxes to keep the food trays warm. They were not served cold wet watery God awful food and told to be thankful for it. That is not Gods way anywhere. God does not make you grovel and beg, man does, this system does and yes I have given my two cents in every place and I walked out no matter the label the insurance or institution put on my head. Yes those people got journals to write in and draw in. I actually learned how to play four kings and I never knew how before from these people.
The mentally ill are not scary the ones who have physical pain are not scary, the ones coming to these counters are not scary it is the ones who put them there in the first place that is scary. Their will always be technology and money and food and medicine people. Its just time for balance with balance comes peace.
When I grew up we could go on vacation without the fear of losing our jobs when we get back. Why should you have to take your computer or phone with you to stay connected to your job. No one can shut down without fear of losing something, our welfare or well being. For Christ Sake we are all so dependent on the system or fear it no matter what social class you are. Over taxed, over priced over worked, over tired. You know why I smoke its my drug of choice right now. I can't help they put the poison in it in the first place and make us all point our fingers at each other based on principal or sin. We had tobacco without all the poison before, we will figure it out.
Now don't get me wrong not only are we raising disrespectful rude children in society and as parents defending the behavior. People don't help each other lift a heavy bag on a bus or give their seat to someone else older or hurting more. We don't tech our young to respect our elders anymore.
Haley babysat for a woman who kept pointing out her sons IQ was a genius level for his age. Hell the kid is five years old and not potty trained. She couldn't put him in a daycare or school at a place where he can be socialized and learn some structure. Maybe that kid can learn something even more in a environment of his peers. Who do you think is holding that kid back from succeeding in life at such a young age? I mean their are limits but stop making excuses.
I noticed looking back on some of these history channels a pattern that we created long ago. For example in the garden with Adam and Even they ate the poisonous fruit and became aware of their nude bodies and covered themselves with fig leaves in shame and guilt. Looking at our sculptures from different times and societies we castrated the penis and covered the mother pretty much. Instead of allowing our children to see something that each other has in the first place we don't educate them. We just showed them shame. Take away the curiosity and they won't think twice about seeing that sculpture. Same thing today spiritually and physically we create shame for our bodies every time we shut the curtain or turn it off and ignore it. I'm not saying run naked and free. I'm saying educate.
In the depression Alcohol, Tobacco and Cosmetics were still the top three sold. Two had the most guidelines rules and money. We still chose it. Truthfully we have a right to it. We let someone else create the supply and demand. We let someone else come in and create the parameters. Then here comes the black market, laws broken, people in jail and fines. Even killed over this stuff. For centuries the same wheel being turned over and over and truthfully we are paying for garbage.
Our medical insurance everywhere has one a one way cure and a high cost to all of us in the mean time. I mean really isn't it cheaper on the system just paying for a massage instead of making me have another appointment and doctor to see a physical therapist. I don't need that. My spine is strong as its gonna get at this point. I'm more balanced and strong then I have been in a long time. I'm today a 112lb's and still a size zero. I was 120 this last winter and with thermals on underneath still a size zero. My body and your is a product of society. So is our stress and our habits.
So I'm Lakota and yes I smoke weed. Truly I had no choice in the beginning. Remember I went to the doctors and got no where in the beginning. Now the medical marijuana industry shut down and so did the levels of THC and CBD that others used as a natural choice as their medicine for whatever reason. The State and Federal Government set the guidelines and still each state is different. The only study to this day the Government has done on marijuana to create all this fear that it is a drug, which it is, or what ever propaganda they want to create that week or month. In Mississippi one study one school. Not been released. What a Monopoly to make all these claims. I'm done I shut you down. These drugs can help people balance out emotionally and physically while they get off or choose to get off these drugs illegal or legal. They know this.
They are creating the studies and lies to go along on everything we put in our bodies and minds. As far as I am concerned they have lost the right to control any nation in any way. They have abused it and mankind. I'm done they create the rules and poison so we point and blame each other and they like it. I'm never saying stop taking all drugs ever. I'm saying we need the freedom to create a balance that works for everyone. No not all pay is gonna be the same and not everyone's bank account going to be the same. Let the taxes, national debt and money go for just a lil while and we will find balance.
Today I went to QFC to get lunch before I came to the library. I was ready for something different. They had cheese, crackers and pepperoni for $8.99, I got a pop so I can caffeine up some. I'm tired today and was out by eight thirty last night. I got to Warrior Number Two and I had the cash but they didn't have that chicken breast on the stick I eat for protein. I was hungry it rang up for 9.99 still the original price not the sale price (how many times does just this thing happen each day everywhere, wrong price rings up?) plus two dollar something for the pop. Didn't have enough on my card. I decided fuck it. I'm not eating. I am so tired of someone else deciding for me what and when and how I can eat. When I finally have cash I want something for myself for once. I was getting new sneakers last week. Turn around at the laundry mat leave the wallet by the change machine gone. You try having to worry about everything you put down.
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