My Brothers Justice

08/22/2016

I still don't know what I'm going to talk about today? So many things spiraling through my mind right now. Well for one thing I realized my relationship with my brother has changed. It finally dawned on me yet sunk in at the same time just who my brother is and who my children's uncle really is? I mean really people I truly hate him some days. Who else knows you better than when you are related by blood and essence? Oh hell yeah this family swears. I mean everyone see's swearing as a omen or curse. When truth is we say Oh God and Oh brother all the time. We yell "Oh God around that big O at the same time. We put the curse on the big O not God. Not mother nature for that fact.

I mean if my brother here on this planet had the life he lived while alive, in prisons and jails for running away from the biggest demon of all time to take him out, fuck yeah my brother is just itching for a fight especially when it's his baby sister down here taking the hits. He remembers all to well just what injustice really is all about. I realized a few days before this that is when I get really pissed off is at all the injustice I see going on around me. I mean even a cop can legally lie while questioning you just to trap you. What if you have a lower IQ or just think differently? Where is the justice in being liars and bullies starting out?

Truth be told my shut down signal was to be told I'm lying. Greg did it all the time. I learned why speak? I could stand there with proof in my hand and be told I'm lying because he doesn't want to see it. People are so afraid it's about blame. We blame each other for all the poison we have in our tobacco and food. The Government created it when they freely moved in and decided to put a sin tax all along these highways we already paid for in the first place. I mean toll booths along the highways is absurd. Another law another charge, another law to break. Another fine, another fee and a label.  It really pisses me off. Sin tax. They made us feel guilty for tobacco that they poisoned, doled out and created the amount, the tax and cost. The addiction for the poison and the cancer of the disease while we take the blame?

Truth be told my great grandmother chewed snuff I heard till the day she died. I gave my father cigarettes knowing full well he had lung cancer. Why would I ever do that you might wonder? That is all he had left to enjoy in life after everything he had been through. The State knew the year before he had lung cancer and forgot to let anyone know. By the time I found out he was a a chain smoker and alcoholic. I removed him from his environment already. I took away the alcohol. I mean by the time I got to him he had a ten minute memory. Water on the brain, Alzheimer's dementia it doesn't matter how you get there he's there, and well his mother and sister just moved to California. I knew it calmed him and he was in a place to watch him. Give the man anymore benzo's and he wouldn't of been moving much more anyways. At least he's outside moving. Going through a similar motion or pattern calms you down and well quite frankly I had already taken enough away  from him. It wasn't my job to judge my father or how he got there. I was his daughter it wasn't my place.

He might of blamed me and hated me but I knew he was safe and in a good place. The first few places we checked out were pretty fucking dark and scary. Well having JC for a brother can be fun at times and well being his little sister sometimes has a tendency to plop me in a place I don't want to be in in the first place. I hate getting wet. I hate cold water. I hate getting splashed or sprayed with water. So when I had to step into the river to bathe I was cursing every last one of them. They can come down here and do this as far as I'm concerned. Learning about mother nature and learning about mother nature sitting in it at the same time isn't really all that's its cracked up to be. When Gary explained the cougars in these woods. He said where is one there's another. He said it is there pride. Fucking asshole brother, I got the point spiritually but "oh come on, bring it already."

I don't mind camping and peeing in the woods but when I have to get up in the middle of the night to pee outside I get pretty pissed off. Having to look to see if I have TP or a but wipe or a back up mini pad to catch any drops. Truly all this stuff cost and this what you have to think about all the time and it gets petty old. Now imagine standing in line for that toilet paper or a drink of water? Plus where am I going to dispose of it? I know it's bio-degradable. I was so happy to finally have my tent. Not the color I wanted. Oh I was so mad. For once just for once I want to pick my color. I wanted the hot pink one. Of course I always seem to have a big brother right there pointing out logically "the bigger one is only five bucks more. Three times bigger Colleen."

I couldn't argue it but I was so mad to let my pink house go. It was my sisters pepto pink house that I realized my favorite flowers are wild flowers. Fuck the roses. She threw some wild flower seeds down the hill that surrounded her house. All those pretty lil colors of lil flowers petals sprouting up everywhere. I mean that is heavenly right there. All those pretty colors and scents in one place. Not a planned garden by any means. You never know what is going to pop up anywhere. Always a surprise in the wild flowers and the wild seeds.

Walking through Home Depot with Keith, I love these stores. They are my favorite by far. Tools just my size and some are in girl colors now. Everything you need to build a house in one place. How fun is that? All of my jobs or the guys I dated taught me something more in what it takes to build a house and buy a house. I also worked as a real estate agent in new building sites. I learned a lil more. I noticed and it pissed me off the smaller the land size for the bigger house? In the new sites they were right on top of each other and they turned the yards into a community area. They decided how we were going to manage our time with our children right there. Note of the name of this sight? Beaver Lake Park.

My children were locked in that backyard outside and the door always open when they were outside. That frees up your time and your families. It's called down time. Gathering up everything to take your kid to the park to play is not free time. Being fined and told you can't have your child so far from you now is not freedom. Oh I get it the fear of the pedophiles that Satan created when he turned a mothers LOVE into EVIL. I mean look at the predators and serial killers? The missing link is the mother or the mother is blamed anyways. We get rid of Satan we get rid of this pedophilia and well we can get Satan out of our hearts and jails that we all pay tax dollars for everyday.

So along these highways or anywhere depending what that county line or state line is we pay a sin tax for alcohol and smokes, plus higher prices on food gas and oil along these highways. Whose sin is this Fossil Fuel still being massively used today. To mass produce keep feeding a machine, to tax the people and destroy my rock to boot? Then whom keeps going around the laws to supply the tobacco in the first place? This is our Corporate America making a living off of humanities suffering. Leaving us to blame each other and well I look up at you congress.

Its planted right there that it is evil to do these things because it poisons us and makes us sick. No that is not true. When you really look at it many nations amongst many lands had pipe tobacco and well given the amount of people who passed that pipe they didn't die of lung cancer. Weather a hookah or a pipe, a rollie around the campfire with the cowboys it wasn't the tobacco that killed them. It used to bring people together until the poison came into play. This is one of the reasons I was always sick as a child. That thick cloud of smoke in the air everywhere sinus and throat problems and many ear infections and antibiotics. I am a child of circumstance you can say. A product of my society and you made me this way.

Satan I want you to remember one thing? I mean LMFAO brother. Brother Todd/Elijah/Enoch/JC, standing there holding my teddy bear as he let me know just who the conductor was? I don't see my brother in white robes anymore I see him in a t-shirt and blue jeans with his arms crossed talking to me now. I have learned that when he shows me something good their is always a downfall. Like a set up and quite frankly the irony in things is funny on one hand but not so much on the other side, You know I have a sister Karma but I also have a brother Karma too. Shed a few tears on this one too. The injustice of what my friends and family had to go through to show me the answers pisses me off? Well this one hurt. I don't want to know anymore about this brothers justice.

This Brothers Justice hurts. Even me being the little sister and showing me the answers. Some of you might think sweet justice but I do not. When you see a brother for brother life going down or someone else dropping that ball it hurts. A lil brothers life lost and another ones right wing? Yeah it hurts. Yes the angels do cry. I hate you Brother Todd for showing me this. You know I don't want to know, this is the part that hurts the most sometimes. My family has shown me my Kings allot in my life. I live in King County born and raised, pretty much except Cowlitz county and Rainier Oregon, and Santa Clara.

Might want to think about the names in my life right here allot of irony in names locations and dates in my life? I was about twelve or thirteen years old. I went to Skate King with a friend. You know everyone groups in one car.  The word that popped up on my screen was groupus and grouper fish at the same time. Anyways my mother called Lisa M's mother to check on the time and the rides but these two didn't ask the family returning us from Skate King if their was room in their car? So when Kelly's family showed up they didn't know me because I was new to this group of friends I came from a different grade school and at this time we all came from different grade schools to one middle school. I was the new kid on the block you might say.

Kelly's mother and father drove up with Kelly's lil brother to pick us up. They said "they had to leave me behind because they brought their son." Their was no room, however this is the interesting part that mother didn't take me back inside and make sure that she spoke to my mother to let her know what happened. She just left me there and didn't even ask if I had change, plus she gave me no direction. They just drove away. I got in trouble and yelled at all the way home for this. Yeah I could barely leave my house after this. Kelly saw me Monday morning and she was embarrassed for what happened. Truth is I was embarrassed for her. Not to long after Kelly B's little brother was hit by a car and killed. A brothers Justice? Love or hate? You choose or is it simply justice? I don't know anymore because I assure you I had to feel the emotions of all three or four side when you take a look at it.

Another time I wish I could take back but truly I didn't know.

The other part of my brothers justice is a child born with a lost hand. I can't remember if it was a right or left. Steve is a lefty, I think the mother a righty. When this one was born I thought how odd. Just missing a lil hand. I was grateful she had these two people as parents. Neither one of them would ever let that missing child's paw hold her down or back. Then one day I got taken back a little bit further. You see Steve was my first loves best friend. No nothing ever happened, but he thought it would be a great idea to tell me, "that in the beginning of mine and Kevin's sexual encounter together they had pre-arranged for him to be under the bed. During this time they high fives.

I screamed out loud and in my head. I was so angry and hurt. I was with Kevin three to five years and it was then that I said in my head "you just poisoned my first love." I even asked Steve what if you had a daughter and you are the father and this happened? I even asked Steve this question after he had a daughter? He questioned my reaction. He took something good and turned it bad. Two brothers from another place and time pull this shit? A twin at that? So no I don't feel good about her lil hand. Not for one minute of any day.

It was her lil paw that showed me these lil birds out here with missing toes and feet. The spiritual effect of mother nature and the choices we make. Those nails above where a drinking fountain used to be. Over picnic tables in parks where the families have been re-shapen by society and the homeless. We have slow moving fans that could go over these drinking fountains without hurting them. These birds have every right to be here too, without getting hurt. They are hungry too.

So yeah their are a lot of different faces to justice. It is all how you look at it. The smaller picture step by step or just one snap shot?