Since I have been back I have been reminded of some of the crazy stuff I said in the beginning. I knew at the time partially what I meant but not completely. When I looked at one policeman and he reminded me of someone else I once knew. I mean they could be brothers. Round men, dark hair short, dark mustache. One shorter one taller. I saw two brother bears. I was just connecting the dots.
When I said something about a policeman who turned out not only looked like my brother in law, but I think someone in his family on the other side is a fireman. Plus I forgot I went to school with that guy. I had just had a dream of a policeman being shot seven times in a hotel room over love. We were sent by King County to the wrong Motel. I felt a uncle on uncle fight around him.
When I said to V "I feel a brother on brother fight between Michael and his brother Mark." I felt a brother on brother fight. I didn't discover Cane and Abel until much later or whoever the third guy is? Samuel something like that another great big S in this family line is coming back.
I know I was raped on Country Pride land and a label was placed on my head. I didn't want the blood money from that man who raped me. Truly give it to his children, they are gonna need it, education or counseling I do not care, what they choose. Let that blood money be a asset to those children not a burden. Truth is when I looked up country pride Vice President, it was Lermond. It was the name of the restaurant I used to eat in with my parents and after I moved out. Name or not a reminder of family a good luck charm. A talisman you might say. A reminder of family. There is a L in that name and it represents Love.
When I here the name John, Michael or Paul, It started to dawn on me that not only are these old fashioned names they are biblical names as well. Just listening to these people when they speak or carry themselves in some way I see the honor in their colors, their badge, their names, honor or pain in the eyes. Truth is in the eyes they are kaleidoscopes to the heart. The ones that drive me bats are a fallen angel in some way or another. I just really get tired of some of these mentally ill or honorable bouncing on my head. I don't mean honor behind the name down here, I'm talking about up there. It's like I see honor but fear blocks them down here.
I didn't even know what a lot lizard was until some trucker interesting enough gave me quite the visual education. I laughed because all I could think was "right out my door." I didn't see that, I always just saw the people who walked through the doors. Truth be told we are all bleeding hearts in one way or another.
When I saw my friend's son fighting with my daughters boyfriend. Gingerbread Jake, I saw a brother on brother fight between two animals. Might have something to do with the depression that keeps popping up in the boys around Alex too.
I saw a Eagle in the lamp light the night I ran out of the hotel to tell Greg "something really big and dark is coming for my children. To hold them tight don't let any uncle cross your door." I had no idea it was Satan, my children's uncle. When I went to a Native themed re-hab it was called the red book. I hated the metaphors. The one I hated the most was "why do you see the shadow of a eagle flying in the mountain top? What in the hell did I care why there was a shadow of a eagle? Enough of the metaphors get me out of this program and into the steps. It finally dawned on me about that eagle in so many ways. Kind of like when you come from a family of Hawks and Eagles you just have so many Eagle metaphors, you choose. One is the big Eagle that represents our nation and our planet. One thing that keeps coming to my mind is when the black crow falls. Even in the dark those black birds are mother natures children and as long as they have life, their will always be light in the dark just like that moon. We are the light in the dark and she always has her children's heart.
After I stuck that staff in the ground I gathered all the garbage and I piled it around it. I picked up the bloody carcass of a black bird and I stuck it on top. So Satan my brother it seems the lines and the doors are finally going to cross paths. I mean even Moses had a staff with a snake. I'm liking my families snake allot better.
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