At this moment I cry for all the injustice I see in my heart. All the injustice for what it is truly like to be a homeless and judged so harshly? This morning on my way to storage I guess it finally sunk in just who my true brother was here on this earth? Ya know my mother told me a few of her dreams, and for some reason it finally dawned on me just what she was dreaming. Oh I can hardly type this. Sometimes its hard to have no where to go to cry privately. I guess they don't want that upstairs. I started this and well I'm gonna finish this.
She told me one morning she saw Brother Todd riding into some gates. He was on a white horse all dressed in white. It lightened my heart that he was in heaven. I mean why wouldn't he be? He was a child with heavy burdens on his back. She told me of another that when my lil Teddy Bear died that Todd was standing there in white robes, holding my lil Teddy Bear. OH my God, it just hit me my brother had a lil brown teddy bear. My mom still has that ragged thing. Wrigley my lil white dog had a hump a bear. I have a uncle Ted who looks like a bear. I did my nursery in bears. My mom made a bear quilt for my daughter and we didn't know each other did bears. My friend James gave me The Dead Bears sticker to place at the end of Alex's crib. It fell apart when she was nine weeks old. Oh my God it was Teddy Bears time to go. Teddy bear was a runner like my brother.
Teddy Bear was a steal. Oh yeah I bought that lil dog. How could I resist. I didn't care if he was a pure bred. He was four hundred dollars. He looked like a Yorkie except that one white spot on his chin. His grandmother was a Maltese like my Wrigley dog. Yeah I had four lil dogs. My house was set up for it as well as the yard. Automatic dog water dish. A lil dog door, fenced in yard. They had the run of the house along with all the children. Yeah this family loved our lil dogs. The one thing at the time I couldn't understand about Teddy Bear was he was a three pound wiggly thing, however he truly had the heart of a black lab. He was the only one who slept on my neck to feel my heart beat.
He would sit at the door and cry when my children left for school. He'd wait at the window with the rest of the dogs. This one would cry if they went out the front door without him. He didn't understand why he couldn't go too? You see my dogs came before my children. Not in the sense you might think but the dogs were first born and well they came with the family and the house. So truth be told they didn't know any better. They had to learn as well as their lil friends. Don't run up and grab them from the back, They sense your excitement and your like a great big giant when you grab them and you might get bit. Lets just say Trident taught them well. Trident was the Indigo dog that I still have no idea what breed she was but she was a small tank of a dog.
On a leash we could not move her. I would literally start pulling her on the leash when she was being stubborn. What were my choices, hurt my lil dog or give in. Truly none of us could move her. I'm not about to beat my dog to make a point. That is not okay. After Alex was born Trident had enough of the walking. First walk with Alex and Trident rode up front of the stroller. Then the wagon and jogging stroller. This dog drove Alex nuts. All Trident wanted was in her room to be by her. Hilarious the two personalities that butted heads the most between the children and the dogs was Alex and Trident.
Alex would have her friends over and Trident would always plop herself in the middle. "MOOMMMM!!! Come get Trident out of my room. MOOOOOMMMM!!! Trident is snoring. Mom come get Trident." Don't worry Trident had Kiley. All my dogs had Kiley when I wasn't around. She had that knack like her mother only Kiley's dog's are big dogs now unlike her mothers.
My children carried Babe and Teddy Bear around in baskets in the house. Babe was not very happy about this part of life, but Teddy Bear was always happy to oblige. My children learned very young to watch for the lil dogs when we were out and about. The girls were riding their bikes outside of the house and Teddy Bear would have none of this. He was beside himself. So I let him out and the girls were supposed to watch him. It wasn't until later that I found out why Teddy Bear liked hanging with them. They were putting him in their basket and going down to the dead end and riding him down the big hill as fast as they could. Yes their were lots of inhale and just breath moments and letting it go. Teddy Bear lived after all
Teddy Bear was three and like I said he was a runner. I couldn't open the door without him taking off. I lived at Rock Creek Ridge and he'd always take off for the woods. Lil shit anyways. They were showing me how my lil Yorkies, Babe who would run through the drains at the end of peoples driveways on walks, Ginnie Lee who was three pounds and stayed up all night and she killed a four pound rat. Kiley got to be the lucky one to bring the guinea pig for spring break, and I had to call Greg to come get the rat, looking back he actually did without any argument. Our house was shaped like the letter L and I had that the guinea pig on the counter and Teddy Bear was on attack. At the door to the back half of the house. He was not gonna have that rat in his house.
They showed me something else about my lil dogs they were ratters. I might not of been a cat person but they were lil ratters. All my dogs slept with me. All my life I slept with a lil dog. I wasn't even aware until I got older that I slept curled around my lil dog. Tambo the one I grew up with. Looking back what a bond. I wasn't even aware just how me and my lil dog could just look at each other and know what each other was thinking. I was at the River in Renton and Tambo who is friendly and good with children pretended to be playing with this child who was about two. No one saw it but I knew. Tambo would look at me with his happy lil face with that great big smile, just that look and I knew what he did.
He pretended to be playing and nipped the baby on the eye lid. The mother didn't even know what happened. Lets just say me and my lil dog hightailed it out of there. All the way back to the car we had a conversation and I wasn't even aware I was doing it. Tambo hated my first boyfriend, very jealous. Tambo rode in my backpack and wore pajamas, he was my live lil doll. Kevin replaced Tambo when I became a teenager and four times Kevin fell four it. I shit you not, Tambo would pretend to be all happy to see Kevin which by the way was rare should of known right there. Tambo would get in Kevin's face wagging his lil tail. Every time like clock work Kevin would say, "look Colleen Tambo is actually happy to see me. Right there wait for it.......AAAHHHHCHHHEEEEWWW! Full on snot in Kevin's face.
When I trained Wrigley to rollover I would do hand signals with a dog treat ans say rollover. Then push her over as I do the hand signal. Finally I took the snack pretended to eat it and I rolled over, Wrigley's ears went up and she rolled over ten times. She just kept flopping over. Greg had a study group over and I showed them her new trick. After that Greg taught her Bang and to drop and roll. The not so famous trick was to teach the dog to bark every time company shows up at the door.
My point I am trying to make is When Sean at Nintendo did a favor for me and he spoke to my father. You see Sean crossed a line. It really pissed me off because yes I gave him permission to go into one dimension of my life but then he told me he tried to visit me in my dreams. I was not happy, I mean how weird right? EWWW! He said something very interesting "Colleen I have never seen anyone as protected as you are. No one can get near you. Your dog's are crazy vicious." I was told from the Native woman who started clearing the slime off of me that she said wasn't mine. She said "I don't know what it means but all of your spirit animals are white. I have a white Lynx cat. Satan my brother are you catching my drift. JC's face is my brothers face now. You might want to look down my families T-Zone. BTW Alex has gotten pretty zen with the animals in her life too brother. Alex is my lil bear Satan and today I feel that Kiley is my Golden Lion in this family.
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