I admit I am truly not in the mood to discuss this one today. My night last night with Gary in that storm. Pretty much smooth sailing until it rains and as much as it is an honor to get to stand beside this brother and not be ashamed of who he is to me well this is where humility comes into play. I had written it for the first time in my writing a few chapters back and I wasn't sure what I meant exactly what I said when I said Mr. Humility is looking pretty hot.
Weird way to put it I know. I mean who would put the two words together like that in a sentence right? I mean I knew it inside me but I couldn't put it into words. Then I did put it in my own words and it made me think well maybe I should look this word up to and just see what people see when they hear this word.
I was shocked for just a little while because I saw the way Religion and humility were viewed, even in the Latin term humilis is a pretty lowly view point of humility. One definition is the quality of being humble. It does not say how to be humble at least not in God's eyes anyway's. I can explain this concept and clear this up but first let's give some examples.
In a religious context this can mean mean a recognition of self in relation to God or dietes, acceptance or ones defects, (in A.A. and N.A. this would be character defects) and submission to divine grace as a member of religion. God is not about religion. Religion humiliates and makes you feel less than if you don't fit in those clubs or boxes. That is not God's way.
Then in the Latin term humilis it gets worse, it means low er self lower being. If you feel humility on someone in front of someone you feel small in the scheme of things. It talked about being made to feel small in the presence of someone else higher up. In religion and society today I see how things can be pretty screwed up right here.
Truth be told in this life we all have someone above us. Our parent's, our older siblings, teachers, instructors, bosses, and well last but not least that tax man. I have found that in society people are pretty fucked up when they manage people beneath them. Allot of dysfunctional people standing over our heads. Don't get me wrong, some are good and some are not so good people. They bring their personal shit and control into the work place or school where it just doesn't belong. People down here on this service line weather just above or below are struggling.
It comes from those above us. Our managers and supervisors which demands are getting tighter and tighter until their hands are tied and even they know things just don't match up, but hey they have a job and truth be told they will take out whoever they have to to keep it. They have families and mouths to feed. The hours and paperwork on this level of just managing the expectations while still being out on the floor with the customers. Then you have the people that really just like to make people miserable either because they are miserable themselves or they have a power tripping ego.
In society our humility has crossed with humiliation. When we are stuck in a society where things just don't add up that regardless of all these management and customer service classes people are paying to take, the truth in good management is not to humiliate the masses. To give them low quality food, life, love, money, jobs, or a roof over your head we have become a society that thinks humiliation in front of others or behind the scenes is the best way to go. Even in the latin term and religion to bow down feel lower or less than, well I can see why people think that but God does not humiliate. He will call you on your shit because he knows what is in your heart and if you choose to be an ass then so be it.
Humility is truly about the grace to be thankful. It is not to make you feel lower or less than it is about giving thanks for life, for unconditional love and life. Yes whether in some kind of therapy or addiction program we all have character defects part of learning about character defects is being willing to look in the mirror and being thankful you were never left alone after all.
Humility is grace to give thanks. As mankind God's children we were not meant to grovel. This is not God's way. So yes I am very small on this planet. Ant small I would say compared to up there, but who says ants can't move a rubber tree plant? We are all small but we are all infinite beings. Well with Gary something else has dawned on me something happens with his house every time it rains and I'm around. Now Gary knows I think of him as nothing more than a brother and he has not crossed that line. Gary has let me study, observe and participate in all his dimensions, he has invtied me into his home and he doesn't treat me like a thief like some of these churches we stay at. In return I respect Gary's home and environment.
Gary last night tore down his little hobble to build a better and bigger hobble right when it's going to rain. I have explained to Gary that I don't care the house you sleep in, I love Gary's house no matter what. I told him he doesn't need to build me a bigger better house. Truly I am honored to just get to stand in Gary's house. Even though you all think Gary is just a homeless mentally ill man, you are not even close, because without this brother I would of never figured things out. When this is done Gary can do what ever in the hell Gary want's. More on 'Ode to Gary"
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