It dawned on me what I have been through this last year with all this spiritual purging and healing at the same time. I know Satan doesn't want you to know the Truth about what happens when we get to heaven. I am not selfish and I do not wish to have control over mankind. I do not wish for people to suffer like my evil brother does.
When we die we go into the light. Yes we are met by family and other celestial beings. We are taken through pictures and movies over our lives just like I did right here on this planet. They show us when we were hurt and we feel it and why. It is a slow process. They show us every time we stood up for ourselves, another human or another animal and we feel it. All the emotions of everything that that action affected. Truthfully we are allowed to defend ourselves and others being bullied. W e are shown when we hurt others and yes we are going to feel that pain inside us too.
We get to create our own safe haven to do this in. My father was dressed like James Dean and he had a wood cabin on a cliff. I had heard he wanted to speak to me so I sent a friend named Sean from Nintendo who had this ability. He told me about my fathers book on the table in that cabin. Sixty two years of misery. I know I had legal custody of his well being but I had forgotten his age. He told Sean to tell me he is sorry. At the time I thought I understood that apology but what else do you say to your daughter when you are told just why she is here and what I am going to go through in my future?
This part makes me cry. What I did was go through the same thing you go through in heaven only in heaven you are safe and physically pain free. Here I was not physically pain free. You can say I purged physically and emotionally to finding the answers. One day in the woods I heard evolution and I knew then through me healing this way that the beginning of this new evolution is inside me. I don't care what people think of me. I know I am walking and talking proof and if other people want what I have I freely give it. Love is free people but that money tree is not and neither are all those white rocks that lie.
My X came in and he said to me after I borrowed money to file on him because all my accounts were rotated and cleared out to keep me stuck with him. He walks in one morning and he said "Ya know Colleen I only married you because I thought you would be rich someday." As usual I said nothing because I had lived that reality with him already. Given impossible parameters and guidelines that did not work. Given low quality but expected to do all the leg work to create high quality. That man tried to box me in and yes I knew he burned me out keeping up with all his unrealistic demands, especially when it was him who dropped the ball. Pam my room mate at the time Greg and me were dating she hit the nail on the head when she said "Colleen he takes you for granted. He doesn't even say how beautiful you are when you come out looking hot." He even told me "I'm not pretty", he shrugged his shoulders and he said "I would say you are cute but no Colleen you are not pretty."
It was right there that Greg chose the wrong money tree. So many of our friends kept saying to him "what about your wife." Somehow without me or Greg knowing who we were then I think it has affected our nation and our planet. I'm just not sure which way that energy flows? If it flowed in us or out of us? At least I know inside me I did my part and so does my family upstairs. I was not chosen from down here and neither was any of my immediate family. We were chosen from up there first to come here and carry the burden. So many times in my life people said, "Colleen this is not the life you were supposed to live. You are not supposed to be here. You are supposed to be rich." I always just laughed. I never cared about money, I cared about my family.
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