You know Satan, I learned early on the day I couldn't move Michael. He just stood there with his arms crossed across his chest. He started to wear his hair a lil longer, the breeze was blowing against him. I could see a ten year old boy inside him. He had dark hair, a red shirt and dark circles around his eyes. This boy did not look well. Standing behind that little boy was a egyptian woman on the right with her hand positioned out to the right. Then the figure on the left was male, the same pose with his left hand. It was somewhere around the first week in July 2015. At V's house. The same place I heard the horses run up behind me.
Again my fist out to my sides. I yelled and I cried, "Michael why can't I move you? Michael I have always been able to move you." I kept crying and saying it. It was then that I ran into my camper. It was open to my Facebook page and right where a picture of my two daughter used to be was gone. It was my favorite picture. People always asked me if they were twins. I got them matching lil yellow Easter dresses with big sun hats for their lil heads. They looked like two lil sunflowers.
No I wasn't happy when I saw their picture gone and in it's place the word outcast was in big letters across my screen where their lil happy faces used to be. I got on my Facebook page and I went off. It was like a big fist coming down inside me. The rage inside me. I said something like "who the fuck has been fucking with my Facebook? Where the fuck is my ROCK? It seems and I didn't even know it that I have been on a hunt for warrior number one. Well Satan from their more hits kept coming. I mean WTF brother was that?
I must of already did the river of blood flow ritual by then because what happened between me and Michael after that. Well Satan that was some fucked up shit you pulled on me. What was it seventeen days V spent in the mental institution? When she came back that woman was full on manic. I was so thankful Katie left for the night to a friends house. V brought home a man from the mental institution. His name was Matthew. Mathew was off his rocker. I spent time with Matthew. I just listened to his words and the crazy shit he was saying. I knew instantly this one was a opposite right away. They say things that are opposite of how they feel inside. I mean polar opposite words. These words are the key when I listen and watch. He said my family was the evil of this planet. Something to that effect. So again Satan the word family comes up. I don't care what anyone says. No I'm not married to Michael or will I ever be, but Michael is my family. What had it been for us at this time?
Twelve years of friendship and six years of dating. Talk about a six year itch Satan? I had already made a commitment to V when I went into her garage and sat down. I had already seen the weapons all over the house. She had already told me about a troll that lived under her house. I went into the garage after I heard the horses. I realized then that that is why V asked us to move in six months before. She was scared of her house. I felt horrible. Truth be told I am not living with this woman and all her grand ideas of how others should live their life. So many women she reeled in to live there to help them. Then at whim toss them out. So no when Michael told me she wanted us to move in six months before, "I looked at Michael and I said, "you know those woods in back, one of us will end up buried back their and that someone ain't gonna be me."
I loved V but not on your life do I have any desire to live with this one. Fuck that shit. Here I am in a camper in her backyard right when the house we lived in sold. Timing. I should of went to V's then and found out for myself what was going on. So I made the commitment I would find out what was going on. I would find out what was scaring her in a house she has lived in for more than twelve years.
It was right before this went down that out of the blue V shows up at our house. She has never in her life done this. You see V's pattern is to try to rule Michael with a iron fist from afar. Not around me did she pull this shit. Michael's mother was bi-polar and a hoarder. His father a alcoholic. He was called the ugly duckling by his uncles. He has a brother Mark who is two years younger. I kept feeling a fight in the beginning between brother and brother. I didn't know anything about this Cain and Abel at the time did I Satan?
I was on the back deck. My room mate who has a meth addict for a son had just destroyed my oil pipe. The oil with THC and CBD for pain. He thought it was a meth pipe. I understood it, he denied it, but I was pissed off. I got a steel nail and pipe and it was a steal at just the right time in my life. I had just put out a joint and V pulls up in her big blue truck. She sat across from me saying some unusual stuff. T zone of her face. I never realized how much V looked like my brother in her T-Zone. She was telling me that no matter what happens I will always have a home with her and be welcome. I had no idea what that meant. By the looks of V's house she had it set up for a take down. That bulk food you order on line. That garage was a supply shelter for a storm. Batteries, flashlights, candles and water proof matches. V is the one who out of the blue the summer before tore up her back yard. She made that round fire pit and a round flower garden in her back yard.
In her spare bedroom drawers, a locker full of smaller clothes. White Large children size wife beaters. She even called me one day and told me what I needed to do with these clothes. In the locker was a short sleeve nylon black dress with a white stain on the left thigh. I thought that very interesting at the time. V shows up again the next day.
She brings me a belt she just made. It was leather with large copper rings. She told me she was leaving town and that while she was gone she wants me to lie on it. She literally passes it to me lying across both hands. I thanked her, I said "okay." V went off to her gun club camp trip. I had not laid down on it by the time V got back in town. I didn't want to lie to her, so I ran in and I laid down on it. I placed it down the length of my spine, I was out like a light for four hours. I fell asleep on my back with my head turned to the left. When I awoke, I shit you not. I could move fifty percent more. Whatever this belt was it was better than that Gavipatin shit the doctors gave me. I didn't have nerve pain. It did nothing but knock me on my ass and I couldn't even hardly get out of bed, I hurt so bad.
V came back to pick up the belt. I said, "I don't know what that was, and I don't care. I want more of that shit." V went on to tell me about how she hardly slept. Like four hours at a time. She always woke up refreshed. She said, "she felt clear." She told me why she ran nude down a trail that day. She was told she was being watched. I realize today that V. is another mother who agreed to look crazy for the sake of her children. Remember brother I heard too when this started "I was being watched and at the time I didn't know by who but I do now don't I Satan?
Michael was acting unusual still even more so after V came home. I told him he could sleep in the camper. Now brother WTF! Talk about "wolf in sheep disguise." I was up above lying on those white balls. Michael said something about his timeline of when the last time he had used meth. I thought it had been eleven but he said five. It hit me the shit he pulled during this time. The night Michael allowed his daughter to take off at like almost midnight. I had already asked before this "who was the face of that black shadow in the womb with my daughter?" It was the face of the man I worked with. That dishwasher. At the time I didn't know he lived in Fall City in the yellow house behind my second job.
All I knew was that he was the one in that nameless black truck who was watching me at work when I took a break. I got so tired of this black truck that one day at work I walked right up behind it and wrote down the license number. I still had no idea I was working with this guy at the time. When I got in his black truck for him to drive me home I walked around the front. Michael was taunting me, needling me and threatening my roof because it was his X's house. I sat in the yard again with my fist out to the sides. "I screamed "Michael you get that child home to me right now. You don't know who is watching her Michael. Please Michael bring that child home to me." I walked into that house and I handed him the computer I said, "I don't care what it takes, you find her." It was the first time ever I raised my fist to anyone in my life. Well I shouldn't say first anyways. I didn't see Michael for two days. That night I fell asleep waiting for Katie to get home. I wanted her to see me there when she got back. I wanted her to know "I am still here for her."
Right before V. went into the hospital out of the blue she bought Katie a new black Mustang that had lit up horses on the side. I have learned brother that peoples true animals aren't only in there feet, but in the cars they drive. Hell one day I had to call the police and put a search out for her. That pissed her off. I did not care. If no one else was bringing that child home it was my job. So no I did not care if she was pissed at me. Hell her rock was in a mental institution. Found standing on her roof with a gun protecting her house and her family. Her father was spiraling off somewhere. Hell you'd think I had a clue, but I truly had no idea what was happening to Michael. My Michael always paid his bills. He had excellent credit for a man who had very little.
Yes I know brother that was your big plan wasn't it to blame the drugs? Literally Michael's and my income crashed coming in. Not going out. They just wanted me to see the behaviors and learn to identify didn't they Satan? You know when I moved back to North Bend after trying again to escape it was like I felt like Meth was coming up fast behind me. I didn't know what it meant at the time it was not only in the house behind me but I was surrounded by it and I didn't even know it.
Now Satan this is the thing I know you don't want people to know. So I'll tell you what I have learned. That as well as the doctors who don't treat peoples pain anymore. Hell brother I sat in the ER with one woman and I had not a clue what was happening to her. Hell brother when these people who have arthritis and other pain when they take this drug they get a reprieve from the pain for just a lil while. That freedom from the pain is worth the pain when they come down. You Son of a bitch.
Let me tell you what else I have learned Satan, those dreams I had a couple years before the end of my marriage? You know the ones where my teeth kept shattering and falling out. I kept having that dream over and over didn't I. I don't even know if meth existed back then. This is what you don't want people to know, is that the ones who use these white rocks who lie is that we all agreed to take the poison on before we got here. These ones you blame so much for all that is wrong with this Nation is a lie.
These are the ones who without even knowing it took the biggest hit of all for this planet. They chose to sacrifice their tissue as it dehydrates like beef jerky They chose to turn their bones to dust. They chose to burn their organ's up. Make the human bodies bowels burn. You poisoned Mother Nature and her children, isn't that right brother? We all chose to carry the pain in our bodies and minds. We all chose to take the pain on at the first hit to that heart for Mother Nature. Some of us chose to sit in purgatory in our minds and bodies. These people chose to take the blame and pain. They chose to lose their homes. All for this planet didn't they?
Truly their bodies are just a shell. When that black cloud lifts and these people are pain free for just a lil while, they will all know what love feels like, won't they Satan? It's true what I have said so many times on this journey "we all feed ourselves something each day. Some just like to eat the shit and lies to feed themselves with everyday." Isn't that right brother? They feel safer that way don't they? Satan you have created so much fear and shame in people that they are afraid to look outside the box and see the truth of what's coming down the pike. We are all hungry for something in this life isn't that right Satan? "We are all hungry for food, we are all hungry for love." It's just what we choose to feed ourselves each day to make it through this "pavement paradise of hell" I walk through each day.
So yes Satan the night I let Michael sleep elsewhere in that camper and I realized he lied to me and left me take the heat for that Monkey on his back with his daughter. I still kept control didn't I Satan? Got to give me credit for that. "I stood over Michael and I tapped him on the back. I said, "what did you just say to me? Five days Michael, five mother fucking days? Michael was behind the table on his stomach. I was standing by his head just at that camper door.
For such a sloth, for such a slow moving guy, I have never seen anyone in my life and get a hold of my throat so fast. I heard long ago in my head when I take the hits from the two Leo women in my life, my sister my mother, to go limp. He grabbed me by the throat and lifted me over the table. He jostled me around. He shoved me into a corner still by the throat. He stared down at me with gritted teeth. What did you say Satan? "You'd like to tear both of my children's head's off and mail them to me in a box?" I sighed. I stared you in the eyes and very calmly I said, "I just bet you would." What did you do then brother? You let go and you spit in my face. You walked away.
My whole body trembled. I climbed up to my bed and I laid down on those two white balls Michael made and I fell asleep. The next morning I don't think I saw Michael. It was like I forgot what happened and how many months later did I write that scene? It was then that I wrote and I didn't even know it. "Those are not Michael's eyes, those are not Michael's teeth, and that is not Michael's mouth. It was the first time I realized just what I was seeing and how they walked me through it by not showing me until later. Isn't that right brother?
Do you know what my family showed me brother is that that angry ten year old child in Michael is very strong. That Michael can carry the burden of the pain that demon caused him. I admit brother the hard part is watching Michael hurt and try to work. It seems every time I hurt in my back so does he. Yeah brother even I feel like I am holding Michael down with my pain and yes it hurts me inside very deeply. V told me that Michael has to get something by his fiftieth birthday. Hell brother I thought it was Michael's big 50 last year. Just not my luck it seems brother. What day is Michael's birthday Satan. 08/17/1966. What does that make him brother? Another lion another Leo. That makes three lions who tried to take me down.
What happened around July 12th brother. Was that the day me and V took a walk up to that truck stop picking up the garbage. It seemed whatever we talked about it just happened to apply to the garbage I was picking up. V gave me direction about Michael. "She said "whatever Michael does, let him do it. He is supposed to. At the time I didn't know what she meant but I do now don't I brother. I got to the Gull station I dropped the garbage in a shallow hole. Oh fuck I'm going to kill these brothers and sisters when I get to heaven for some of the stuff they had me do. I climbed up on that cement picnic table. I started screaming and yelling of all places, the Gull station. I pointed to the garbage and I started yelling "this gulls me. This garbage Gulls me."
After for some reason I took Michael's eyeglass case out of my lil brown purse canvas backpack that Kiley got me for Christmas. I had the eyeglass case in my right hand I went to the woods to the left behind the gull station and I walked in the woods then I took off running like I was in a race. My arms flew straight out behind me. It just flew straight off. I kept running. I stopped at a tree and I buried it. I went back to find my purse and it was gone. I took off running to the South and I saw a red fire truck stop at the end of the trail. I hit the ground running to a stop. I tore through stickers running slicing up my arms and body. As I was running by I picked up a coffee can. I looked down I saw it had all the elements in it. For some reason it was important to me. I set it on the cement table to the left of the gull station and I think I stirred it a stick. I walked away and when I walked up to that oil can. I saw it and hopped on and stood up saying the Lord's prayer and This Land is Your Land. Crying.
I went back into those woods and still my purse was gone. I think this was when I started picking up black feathers. So I spent the next three days going right around, through and in the woods of TA. After the third day of this, I walked down Tanner road and all around that truck stop with a dragon fly rattle. I recognized it from earlier inside TA. It had a rainbow tail. I walked to the woods again where I lost my purse and I took off running. I literally ran back to the place where I left my lil backpack and I ran to the same spot where I lost it. It was open and all my stuff was laid out real nice. My Imitrex, my smokes. My notepaper from work. I dropped to my knees and I cried. It was just like nothing to put my hands in the air and give thanks. I loaded it back up. I slammed the tail of that dragon fly in to the ground. I said the "Lords Prayer, cried and I walked away.
It was three days later I walked into those woods and their was my purse. Right where I dropped it.
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