You know Satan all I had to do was be willing. I have made lots of agreements and that is the key to this journey. Willing. Willing to trust them with my children's life. Willing to trust my family with my life. So that is why I decided to spend the night in those woods alone. I already checked things out. I knew I was alone and that I didn't have any back-up on this planet. Truly I just didn't care anymore. I told Snoqualmie PD, "oh hell no I'm not sleeping back that far in the woods alone." So I tempted fate a lil.
For some reason yet again I had everything I needed on me for the night. I had my own flashlight. I now know that the only weapons I need are the wings I carry on my back. I know that when the time comes I don't have to make a move. Yup that's right brother that is what my daddy told me. That day at the park. What was it the third homeless mother with seven children and three fathers. I was so frustrated. I didn't want to see another seven in my life. Not like this anyways. I mean really I got it. No matter what I do out here it's for his flock. Seven or ten it didn't even matter anymore. After he told me, he took on three more with two bouts of cancer. I only saw in my head ten from there on out. Seriously sometimes brother even these seven drive me nuts. All I wanted to do was have time to myself and write actually sitting quietly on the couch. In comes walking in the door the third set of seven. I grabbed my writing my backpack and I hit the pavement running.
I went to Earthworks Park in Kent. The park with the two rings surrounded by water that I wrote about. It wasn't until later that when I looked at it again I realized their wasn't just two rings but three.
I'm going to take a moment here brother. Lets talk about the music. The emotion of the music. How the music feeds the emotions of ones soul. Yeah Satan that is just the point isn't it. Any kind of spiritual healing is bad to you right? You make spiritual healing about God in a church. Funny thing brother God is outside with his wife and children.
Being homeless I don't get to pick the music I listen to. Any chance I could get into one of those bag ladies cars, turn on the music and bounce my hip to that rhythm. The beat, the drive, that's what feed's me. Sometimes I laugh, sometimes I cry, and well sometimes I get real angry. No matter what I realized every time I do this and just let the music and emotion flow. I just accept it and after all lil while I feel better. At times I just write and let the rhythm of the music tap away on the keyboard.
Sometimes it's Eminem, "I Love the Way you Lie" Today I started out with Uncle Kracker. Yes I like me some Uncle Kracker to feed the soul. I started out with the "Memphis Soul Song and Chris Daughtery, Home" You know Satan when I wrote about going home. I meant to my home, my heart, my children. Imagine my surprise when I realized heaven is home brother? It's true what they say brother, "Home is where your HEART is." My home I discovered brother is THIS MOUNTAIN. My home is this ROCK. This ROCK is my promise from my family brother. That ROCK, that MOUNTAIN THAT IC INSIDE ME BROTHER, IS MINE NOT YOURS.
That was the day I asked, "Dad where are you, I know I can feel you but where are you in all this? There I sat as my own Irish father and my native brother appeared in front of me. He went over in my mind the scene that day in the hospital room. When I asked "Okay Greg, you wanted to pick out her name. What is it going to be? He looked at me and said, "I don't have one." I looked at him. I couldn't believe it after the fit he through that he was picking her name and he doesn't have one? I'm holding her in my arms, I named off like eight names. One of them was Kiley. I said, "pick one Greg. Just pick one." He chose Kiley. I Chose Rae after the LaRae name in our family. So yes brother even though you were in the womb with this one keeping tabs. My father and brother showed me just where she got her name and they were with us the whole time. So yeah Satan my brother, imagine my surprise when I looked up the Sir name to her name? So fuck you Satan my family showed me that this brother who let me down, that they were at my back up. Imagine that my family took a very sad ugly painful moment in my life and they made it beautiful again.
So yes Satan. I know who's family you got your eye on. So yes I knew I was meant to be alone. I knew all along I just had to be willing. Most of what I have committed too they had already walked me through it and I didn't even know it. What was it brother, after one a.m.? I woke up it seems I had to pee and other stuff. Shit brother. I want my body back at times, but I accept that while I am here on this planet, well that just isn't gonna happen. Now I had already told the policemen, I'm not sleeping back there. Funny thing is they never knew where I went to sleep the whole time from before and I'm certainly not going to start now.
I decided those cushions Gary had would sure be nice about now. I know who I am and well if it's meant to be then lets just get this done. I grabbed my lil back pack purse and back pack. I headed back into those woods with my lil flashlight. Just when I shined my light on Gary's little abode's gate. I stopped and I realized, that isn't the way I left this gateway. I shined my light inside. This isn't the way I left those cushions. Hell, I didn't even know he had a pillow? What about that tray where did that come from? Great so someone has been here in the four hours I have been gone. So I'm not alone and by the looks of things this one is human. Well truly who knows who they are inside especially in these woods.
I stepped inside and shined my flashlight around, just then the brush goes whish on the East Side. I thought "Oh shit. I have had enough lets get this done. I tore through the gate knocking it down. I stood there with my flashlight." I said something like God Dammit, I'm done." I shined my flashlight around. Things grew silent. No more snaps of the twigs. No more rustling leaves. Now Satan I might have balls but I ain't crazy. It took me two loads to get what I needed out and two loads in and out of that long trail. For some reason I wasn't scared. I have learned I don't like sleeping inside a box, that I can't see out. No where to run, Your caged in. Your trapped. No where to go. As much as my body is nothing but a shell for that family, I have no desire for disfigurement and to be taken down in a fight for Karma to handle later on. Yeah that's right Satan. I have other sisters inside me. Another three.
I have Faith. Their just ain't no moving Faith. Now faith she don't fuck around with this Demon shit. Faith does not sway. I have Destiny. Well brother we both know their ain't know stopping Destiny. Isn't that the reason why they wouldn't let me get through to any of my family brother? So I could go around leaving my footprint's, blood and that special essence I released. What was it brother seventeen times one day, and two early in the a,m, plus seventeen is what brother?" That would be nineteen times asshole.
All I needed for these sessions was my magic pink wand that said evolved. How many other times and places did I release that essence with no pink wand and no one was there to touch me? Just boom out of no where I orgasm. Yes brother it seems they started releasing that special essence long ago. Talk about the reactions of people around me. The strange things they would say out of the blue? Strange men speaking weird things and coming toward me? I learned Satan that is the essence. The animal instinct inside human beings when they pick up my scent. Don't forget it was already written in the stars brother. All I had to do was put my bloody palm on that rock and say the Lords Prayer.
Funny thing is Satan I did this jaunt during the salmon run and I didn't even know it. Don't tell me you forgot about sister number three brother? Karma brother. You remember her. Allot of justice in karma. I have learned how Karma works and the power behind truth and Karma and just how this sister works. You see Satan the thing about Karma is you never know the moment she's going to take you down. I have Faith in Karma to make those choices for me after I walk away. Truth Makes Karma very strong brother.
Oh Satan you know it is hard to choose which sister I like best inside me? I just can't decide. I mean these sisters are strong and they have been here a long long time. Sister number four, imagine my surprise when I discovered sister number four? You remember Poison Ivy right brother? You know Satan for the longest time I thought I was Poison Ivy. I thought it was me who was hurting people. The tears shed over this one. Then one day it hit me just who Poison Ivy is to me? My family turned that thought right around when they showed me, well lets just say "I love me some Poison Ivy." Poison Ivy she scratches, she bites and when that demon dog asked me "to look on his back, he has this burning pain right between his shoulder blades on the left. I saw my teeth marks. Now Satan I told the truth to that lil demon dog all the way through? Every question he asked me, I told the truth, I noticed every time I did he fizzled out all a lil more each time.
So yes Satan I ain't crazy or stupid for that fact. So I told a lil white lie. I said, "no, I don't see nothing at all. I mean come on brother my goal was to get out of that truck alive. I was not letting him know I left him with everlasting pain. He died brother. I also remembered earlier on in the beginning when they would just take over and write for me. They said "don't touch her." I might be a touchy feely person, but I only touch those I want to touch.
Willing brother, so I sat in those woods. The interesting places I slept right out in the open. What did I move four times? I walked right out in the open to each location each time before I went into hiding to catch a few Z's. Nothing happened. No one caught me off guard did they brother. You have no idea what it is like to walk through these woods morning noon and night like I did, but their is nothing worse then being caught off guard. I about killed brother red when he showed up in the woods that day. It was like walking into a wall.
So yes Satan I have been fated for this path. Anything that happens to me is meant to go down. This is my life's purpose brother to take the hits so our children won't have to forevermore, you asshole. After this I ain't coming back and neither is he. It is our time to just be. So yes Satan if this is the way I was supposed to live my life for this brother. These sisters, some who have suffered so much more than me. These brothers who have so much pain inside they don't understand and well if it was my destiny to experience all different kinds of neglect and abuse at the hands of these brothers, then so be it. Anything so my children never have to live it. History will not repeat itself with all these lies, but with the Truth. This lil mothers truth because brother this is my life not yours to fuck with anymore. This is my story and I'm sticking to it.
Oh yes Satan also when I was out in those woods thinking about strolling through that bone yard. I saw that Cadman mine had been doing some plowing. Right at a four way intersection, right under that mountain with the man with the beard. Lying right in the middle is one lone egg. Open just at the top. Funny thing Satan, you know my bladder the size of a pee. I just had to pee right on top of that egg. You see Satan, I might not of gotten my conversation but I no longer had the urge to go back to that bone yard. When I saw that egg I knew I was right where I was supposed to be right at the right time. I have so much more on these eggs to cover you mother fucker. Our children's eggs. The experiments you two do on them. Not for good but evil. The hybrid creations you two are creating out of mother natures children's. Trying to create a army you mother fucker. I will kill you for this one alone. You don't fuck with mother natures DNA and essence you two son of a bitches. I haven't even got to the rest I know about these eggs you mother fucker.
All those boiled eggs I had to eat so Snoqualmie PD and King County come together. It was Tanner Road and North Bend Way. So all these contract ambulance companies can come together. My diet going over my lifetime has been pretty interesting brother. Now Satan my favorite hot cereal is cream of wheat. I like it nice thick and lumpy. I was eating bowls and bowls of cream of wheat again. Cauliflower with melted cheese, I even drank ensure, organic fruit drinks even. I started chugging milk. This was how I ate the whole time my body hurt. During that delirium brother every time I woke up I didn't know if it was day or night. Once in awhile I'd see Michael sitting in the dark clicking away on the keyboard but only twice. No Satan I don't care what anyone thinks. Michael left after our exchange when I was talking to my sister at the foot of the bed. He left me once again.
It was Michael who carried me out of that restaurant after those two episodes of me screaming and hitting the floor. It was Michael who took me home and put heat packs on me. It was Michael after that five day delirium that each time I woke up he was pushing all up and down my spine to help heal my pain. I couldn't work on Michael anymore. I hurt to bad, my hands and body were to weak. It hurt me even more to work on him.
I remember each time I woke up, I used the bathroom and I fixed myself three cups of cream of wheat and a tall glass of milk. I'd barely finish and get the bowl to the headboard before I passed out. Look at my wheat fields brother? It lacks nutrition it is small and weak. Not tall and hardy and full of nutrition anymore. Hell these stores right around me don't even carry instant cream of wheat anymore. Just oatmeal.
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