0707/2016 Number 13
Well Satan the hit's just keep coming? I'm not backing down. Now my daughter want's to marry another young man she hardly knows in another country. Are you fucking kidding me? Let me C brother you know what I have learned about this one? I'm going to take that unlucky number thirteen of yours and I'm going to turn that one around. Her name is Alexandra LaNae she is her mothers daughter. You see Satan I have always known why she wrapped that cord around her neck? That quaking lil rock didn't want to leave her mothers womb. What was it four months out of the blue I almost miscarried? I was put on part time bed rest with a full time job that her father and I commuted in one car in for a minimum fourteen hour day. Let's not forget about those nine ant hills I counted every morning on our way to work? They sat on the North side of I-90 didn't they Satan? Plus when I got home I sewed hot packs for extra money. You know those lil flax seeds?
I painted my children's nursery with primary colors. With primary colored bears and balloons. With a crib set I sewed. I got a second hand armoire and at the end of my pregnancy it was just one of the last things I still needed to get done. Greg complained that I needed to finish it. Oh no, no help from him. In the winter I'm standing in the kitchen late at night. Our house was always cold the blinds moved with the wind. Our crooked unaligned lil house was split off in three sections. Don't worry Satan I had Greg standing right over me nit picking me and criticizing me for not opening the window. I was told "how horrible I was to not think of my unborn daughter while I inhaled those fumes." It never occurred to Greg to think about the mother carrying that unborn daughter? It was my project not Greg's, he worked all day. As well as I. After I finished I asked Greg to put the doors back on. Of course he didn't care. He couldn't even be bothered to put them on straight.
It was also I believe the same weekend of my miscarriage scare, that Greg had volunteered me without asking me, to put on a garage sale at my house for someone I never met. They were in a bind. I didn't even have furniture of my own and Greg filled the garage up with someone else's stuff for me to tag, set up and sale? On Saturday's Greg worked for three hours. He felt if he was working then I should be working too. He told me I was being selfish when I protested this. Great guy, huh Satan? Such a cold dead heart that man had. No one ever knew did they? No one ever bothered to ask either.
I could never stop this one's Destiny. I always used very few words with her. When she stuck something in her mouth, instead of chasing her around and creating panic. I would say C FOOD and like a lil guppy she would open her lil mouth. Even with my back turned, I'd call out "feet on the floor Alex." It didn't matter how high, it didn't matter how long ago, this one never forgot where something was she spotted or wanted to do. I watched this one when she didn't know of course, at the age of two, plant her feet on the dryer, with her back against the washer. She used her lil feet and shimmied up that washer. Slid her lil but on that washing machine. Stood up and stepped onto the dryer to get to the candy up on a shelf in the laundry room from October.
When I was pregnant with Kiley like 8 months. I had my back to the counter placed my hands on each side of me and hoisted myself up. I was just then looking at Alex wondering where she learned to climb? Then it hit me, I do it without even realizing it. I have done it my whole life. I am short and if I can't reach something, I climb. I had already ripped out the breakfast nook because I couldn't keep her off the kitchen counters. She walked at one years old and four days, she climbed at nine months. At the age of two I left her alone about her climbing. I mean she never fell. So yes Satan this lil monkey is mine. Not yours.
I only had to pop this one on the butt two times. She was three and I was in the parking lot in front of the grocery store, I bent down to Kiley and this one is definitely like her mother. You know Satan, that "squirrel" my head turns and I take off. She ran right for the parking lot, she just hits the edge and I had to leave my one year old to catch her. I popped her on the butt. I said "when I yell stop, you stop!" Pop on the butt. I didn't care who saw me. This is my child not yours. People don't see everything or know everything.
The second Satan, because you know in this family the signs are in the shit. Alex was standing on a chair getting stuff off the top of the dresser that she's not to play with. I told her firmly "feet on the floor, Alex." She blatantly stares me in the eye and bore down and shit her pants. She was all dressed in red, with a floppy hat and her Cinderella high heels. I popped her on the butt, and I told her "to go in that bathroom and clean her own mess up." By God, she did.
Do you remember what Greg said to me Satan after I told him I almost miscarried our child? You do remember because you were there right? I have discovered you were always close by brother. You are the Fallen Angel. The uncle to my children. I have discovered why I was "oh so tired with each pregnancy?" I always knew in three weeks I was pregnant because I couldn't shake that deep fatigue particularly around that left eye. You know brother I have figured out that all you can do is drain my energy. At seven months pregnant I still had no furniture and I was tired of sitting on the floor. It didn't bother Greg any, but I needed to get furniture I was about to have a baby after all. that red ford truck that my father in law loaned me. That truck was a beast and I loved it. At seven months I drove all day up and down that highway looking for the best quality vs. price.
Greg had video games to play he put his time in right Satan? He went to college and worked right Satan so he put in his time ight Satan? EGO again. Somehow I inherited the responsibility for everything. Greg accused me of shopping and truth be told he never went. He never bothered. Anything I tried to discuss or show him, he didn't want to be bothered. I found what I needed in Sumner. Greg punched me in the arm and told me "I can do it, buck up." Thing was Satan as cold hearted and as unfeeling as he was, he was right. Why would anyone choose to come here and carry the children that you want? The fruit's of my loin? The fruits of my labor cleaning up that mans dirty laundry? What is he Japanese and German? I think it was the third house out of the four houses I slept in at the beginning of this journey. I saw in my dear friends house a Asian decal on the wall. I said "I feel a hint of Asian and I don't know where its coming from?" I do now brother.
This lil rock. I chose her name so she can have a boys name or a girls in whatever business she chose. Alex always wanted back in her mothers womb. I even said that to a counselor. I said "IC her as a bowl of cherries. At the bottom of this bowl was a hole and no matter how much I fed this child love or food it was never enough." I know now why I kept seeing cherries brother.
Lets talk about that number thirteen. She was born on Friday the thirteenth brother. At 3:16 in the afternoon. After three nights of being awake and 19 hours of labor she was born brother. That was after I was up all night having labor pains and braxton hicks, while Greg slept on the couch. When I woke him on my hands and knees in the middle of a labor pain he had the gull to ask me if I was sure I was ready?
Low and behold I had agreed that a student nurse can palpate me while Alex was in the womb. Even Greg said he could feel all of her hair. This one had yellow skin and a mongoloid spot on her back like I had on my arm. You remember Satan the one my mother insisted was dirt while she took a wet wash cloth and tried to scrub it off while I screamed? Not a gentle lamb that mother. I wonder why Satan?
I weighed 7lb 6 oz. Alex weighed 6lb 7 oz. She had a hint of Asian in those cheek's, her fathers. Her grandmothers nose. I love puppy noses those are my favorite. Those lil round balls on the end. Alex's hair, Satan stood up just like her mothers. Oh yes she looked just like a lil orangutan. Let's talk more about that thirteen brother. Alex was born on a Friday. Imagine my surprise when 13 student nurses came in to watch her be born? You might of been there but so was my brother.
It gets better brother. In that hospital we met another couple that Greg went to High School with. This couple had just bore a daughter the same day. She looked like Goldilocks. She was a large beautiful baby girl. Just like her mother, with that sunshine face and big beautiful moon of a ass. Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes brother. You are not getting one of Alex's soul sister's. Another twin from another place and time. Now this father was a fireman and she worked for dispatch, they were high school sweet hearts. Now this mother Satan, she is a quad. She comes from two sets of twins. This big tall mother of four sisters with a big sunshine face and a big moon of a ass, twin died. Still counts though doesn't it brother?
We all know God's spirits recycle. I mean if JC reincarnated why wouldn't we? I mean come on brother you do remember where our essence comes from, right brother? I mean come on brother where do you think all these holy spirits came about? I assure you brother Mother Nature wasn't lying on her back, when our father milked her essence. Kind of like Bing, Bing, Bing. The spirit of mother nature and God's children began their in heaven and here on earth. What Satan? You didn't want mankind to know, it was our Mothers Natures essence that created life on this planet. Life recycles and so do we. Now Mother Nature is tangible, you can see her, you can smell her. In the colors, tree's and flowers. The crisp smell of snow, the smell of rain, the smell of that sun.
My cousin Belinda who is fifteen years older than me. Had a baby shower for me. Her father is my uncle. The one with the last name Chambers. Born Friday the thirteenth. Her daughter Darcy, had kidney problems and a child inside discovered later in her life a twin. Now let's take my cousin Belinda, one thing I have noticed about her is the burning stomach just like me in her young life. Imagine that brother. Remember I was just a lil girl when I discovered my mother made me nauseous. Just like her father. Belinda has major sleep problems like I used to have. I went to the sleep clinic at about thirty. I was lucky to sleep two to four hours at intervals. Something always waking me up it seems. Not just Greg sneaking up after he thought I was asleep to turn the heat off in the winter time. I'd have to stay awake and wait until he fell back to sleep, so my children's lil head's, hand's and faces wouldn't be cold.
Before this journey started I saw on a commercial, my cousin Belinda on a re-hab commercial staring out a window. You know Satan I know as well as you that cousin carried a heavy burden carrying the load of her mother and father. Plus she moved him into her house before he died. Me and my aunt Ingrid, the one from Germany, who took so many hits from her own mother in this life. Two daughters, you have no idea what is like being in this family. We laughed about the placement of my uncle Marvin's rash. All through the ass and groin area, shingles. I looked at my aunt and I said "Karma's a bitch." No matter how hard you try, no matter how healthy of a man my family chooses early in this life, the women all got married at like twenty one. The women in my family end up marrying, a monster in disguise. These husbands have tried to lock us in a box. Tried to enslave us. I can honestly say, we went through hell, this batch of cousins. Only three remained married out of my grandparents four children on my mothers side.. All to have our children.
One of my cousins was raped by her husband in front of her two children. The state said it wasn't against the law. It was his for the taking. Are you fucking kidding me? This German mother's son, her only son, if I remember right had a tree branch go through his body when he was a logger. Talk about taking a hit for my family. My sister marrying a man in the service and moves to Germany, remember what happened to my eyes that day brother? In the bathroom that morning my eyes did a total eclipse in the shower. When I was dry heaving in the toilet my sister came in and all I could see was the light around the Iris of my eyes. The center was dark. That's only the first of many times that happened right brother?
My younger cousin Dani marries a man in the service and do you know what both these servicemen did. One beat my cousin and locked her inside. My brother in law who couldn't even ride a bicycle when he met my sister and moved her to Germany. Locked her inside and took the keys to the truck so she couldn't escape. She learned German from sesame street and opened a daycare. Throughout my sisters life she has cooked and cleaned for her three husbands and everyone of them shit on her. She's allergic to cleaning solution and is bed ridden with migraines 20 days a month since she was twelve. When my mothers husband started climbing in bed with her. The one that she had two daughters with? She adopted his first born with the same middle name as my sister and raised her on her own after he left. With full time twenty four hour daycare she ran that house. Then when it's her turn in this life at the age of fifty she has a 4.0 in nursing school. She's dyslexic, ADHD and she slips in her x-boyfriends shit on the way to school, about ready to take her next test. His mental illness grew and grew didn't it brother?
I saw him as a huge demon, Satan like huge standing down south with my family. For six months she suffered in bed all because some doctor put in her chart she was making her pain and dizziness up. She made that nurse drain her liver. Black sludge came out. She lost three quarters of her liver alone in the hospital on Christmas surrounded by no family and no one even knew or cared. Thanks Satan.
You want my daughter? You think again asshole. It was my Cherokee grandmother who showed up in my room. The one with a purple rosary and purple book in her left hand. She was all dressed in purple like from the sixty's. The Cherokee grandmother of twelve asshole. She married a Navajo, I believe from Mexico and they had seven lil Bishops. With one set of twins. Don't you forget that it was my grandmother who didn't want her children treated like dogs. She lived in those camps didn't she Satan? Imagine my surprise when I learned the name of the native woman who always sat on my bed while I lived in Rainier Oregon? Now I'm the only LaNae in this family. I come from a family of LaRae's. Well until Alex. My destiny. My daughter. She is in another country going to college for this planet. She said to me, "mom, people are clueless about how bad it really is." That native woman's name is Lakota and don't you forget it bitch.
I have another cousin she is the sister to Belinda. The other daughter. Her name is Big Kimm. She is a tall one that one. Boy has she taken the hits. Now she has her soul mate. Her red headed light and he's dying. It's his heart. She was treated like shit and cheated on by her husband too, just like my sister and she worked hard her whole life. She is thirteen years older than me. I have figured out Satan that the giants here on this planet represent the giants upstairs. Imagine my surprise I didn't even know their were giants in heaven. I wondered why I felt like tinker bell dancing in a land of giants out there around that black square? So brother I was not alone once again.
Now Satan I want you to remember I have a twin. I have another Dakota. His name is Darren and he was born in my family the same day I was. He lives just down that Highway in Lewiston and Clarkston. I lived with and I had a twin in my wedding too. You SON OF A BITCH. I am going to keel you. You know Satan one thing we never understood about our mother, well just one of the many, is how she always with her right hand in the air talked about my family like they were the mafia. Me and Kimmie never understood this because quite frankly I come from a family of very nice hard working people and well we are about to find out just why my family hates our feet touched so much? It would be those spiritual animals not liking to be messed with. That would be my families talons brother. Don't forget about that lil extra bird tongue that has formed under my tongue.
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