It dawned on me what I have been through this last year with all this spiritual purging and healing at the same time. I know Satan doesn't want you to know the Truth about what happens when we get to heaven. I am not selfish and I do not wish to have control over mankind. I do not wish for people to suffer like my evil brother does.
When we die we go into the light. Yes we are met by family and other celestial beings. We are taken through pictures and movies over our lives just like I did right here on this planet. They show us when we were hurt and we feel it and why. It is a slow process. They show us every time we stood up for ourselves, another human or another animal and we feel it. All the emotions of everything that that action affected. Truthfully we are allowed to defend ourselves and others being bullied. W e are shown when we hurt others and yes we are going to feel that pain inside us too.
We get to create our own safe haven to do this in. My father was dressed like James Dean and he had a wood cabin on a cliff. I had heard he wanted to speak to me so I sent a friend named Sean from Nintendo who had this ability. He told me about my fathers book on the table in that cabin. Sixty two years of misery. I know I had legal custody of his well being but I had forgotten his age. He told Sean to tell me he is sorry. At the time I thought I understood that apology but what else do you say to your daughter when you are told just why she is here and what I am going to go through in my future?
This part makes me cry. What I did was go through the same thing you go through in heaven only in heaven you are safe and physically pain free. Here I was not physically pain free. You can say I purged physically and emotionally to finding the answers. One day in the woods I heard evolution and I knew then through me healing this way that the beginning of this new evolution is inside me. I don't care what people think of me. I know I am walking and talking proof and if other people want what I have I freely give it. Love is free people but that money tree is not and neither are all those white rocks that lie.
My X came in and he said to me after I borrowed money to file on him because all my accounts were rotated and cleared out to keep me stuck with him. He walks in one morning and he said "Ya know Colleen I only married you because I thought you would be rich someday." As usual I said nothing because I had lived that reality with him already. Given impossible parameters and guidelines that did not work. Given low quality but expected to do all the leg work to create high quality. That man tried to box me in and yes I knew he burned me out keeping up with all his unrealistic demands, especially when it was him who dropped the ball. Pam my room mate at the time Greg and me were dating she hit the nail on the head when she said "Colleen he takes you for granted. He doesn't even say how beautiful you are when you come out looking hot." He even told me "I'm not pretty", he shrugged his shoulders and he said "I would say you are cute but no Colleen you are not pretty."
It was right there that Greg chose the wrong money tree. So many of our friends kept saying to him "what about your wife." Somehow without me or Greg knowing who we were then I think it has affected our nation and our planet. I'm just not sure which way that energy flows? If it flowed in us or out of us? At least I know inside me I did my part and so does my family upstairs. I was not chosen from down here and neither was any of my immediate family. We were chosen from up there first to come here and carry the burden. So many times in my life people said, "Colleen this is not the life you were supposed to live. You are not supposed to be here. You are supposed to be rich." I always just laughed. I never cared about money, I cared about my family.
Sunday, July 31, 2016
07/31/2016 Catholic Church Curse
Satan my brother now we all know we are sexual beings. Everything on this planet reproduces or pollinates. As well as people. Sex is natural, we have our babies by a man and a woman. Somehow somewhere the catholic church thought it would be a great idea to have all these men who represent this sect take a vow to sustain from sex. I guess kind of like JC. So now what these men get to hang out all under the guise of love and children and God. Where did allot of these men turn to and abuse? Our boys, the very boys that their parents sent them to church to do their duty in serving the Lord beside these predators. I don't believe they started out predators but just what in the fuck do you think is gonna happen.
These pious SOB's who thought JC was a virgin. I can assure you ain't no brother of mine a virgin. I have said it before and I'll say it again, just why would God send his only begotten Son here on this planet not to experience love and loss? What you think he just walked around amongst the poor being the chosen one and he didn't have sex? Please! What an unrealistic standard to place on mankind in the first place. WTF people.
Just where in the hell are my demon slayers and just why did they not see just what is sitting on the heads of these mentally ill people. The ones who certain emotions can't be felt inside the heart. It is like a piece of their heart is dead. Why in the hell did no one in that sect know anything about me? Waking me up only to find the answers and I only have three years left to live. So now all of those demons are gonna lift and the catholic church will be left with their pants down once again.
Not against religion as much as the lies and the separation of mankind. The assumptions they know everything, that they set a standard. Yes people my Irish grandmother was Catholic and I got dragged there too. Yes God and Mother Nature can plant a seed in a woman. Immaculate conception is what you call it but truth be told none of us are virgins, isn't that right brother? We recycle.
That does not mean you have the right to sully a child. To poison them with your sick beliefs and sick behavior. You do not have the right to take something that is not freely given and no one has that right to make that choice for any child. No one has the right to break a child's spirit. We don't break a child's spirit. We guide them and at times we have to push back and nip at their lil toes when they cross the line but that does not mean you abuse them in any way shape or form. We do not feed love from a child's body to feed ourselves love. That is not love that is Satan turning love into evol. After this storm their will be serious repercussions for this one.
Lets not forget the flip side of this one. These young girls showing up in bar's with fake ID or misrepresenting their true age and identity and the man takes the fall for that lie for the rest of his life. He wears the label child predator can't go near children. Like that doesn't destroy someone. You destroy someone's reputation to save face for that lie. Parents are condoning it and covering it up. I'm done with young girls that are not getting healthy love at home either due to neglect or abuse. Maybe a misunderstanding, look around you where are the fathers to these girls.
I never had a father and the last thing I ever wanted was for my children not to have a father feed my children healthy love because if they don't have it they go looking somewhere else and that is the truth and every one of you know this. Women's bodies and children's bodies have been taking the brunt of all this sick ego shit for way to long. Quite frankly, I'm done.
These pious SOB's who thought JC was a virgin. I can assure you ain't no brother of mine a virgin. I have said it before and I'll say it again, just why would God send his only begotten Son here on this planet not to experience love and loss? What you think he just walked around amongst the poor being the chosen one and he didn't have sex? Please! What an unrealistic standard to place on mankind in the first place. WTF people.
Just where in the hell are my demon slayers and just why did they not see just what is sitting on the heads of these mentally ill people. The ones who certain emotions can't be felt inside the heart. It is like a piece of their heart is dead. Why in the hell did no one in that sect know anything about me? Waking me up only to find the answers and I only have three years left to live. So now all of those demons are gonna lift and the catholic church will be left with their pants down once again.
Not against religion as much as the lies and the separation of mankind. The assumptions they know everything, that they set a standard. Yes people my Irish grandmother was Catholic and I got dragged there too. Yes God and Mother Nature can plant a seed in a woman. Immaculate conception is what you call it but truth be told none of us are virgins, isn't that right brother? We recycle.
That does not mean you have the right to sully a child. To poison them with your sick beliefs and sick behavior. You do not have the right to take something that is not freely given and no one has that right to make that choice for any child. No one has the right to break a child's spirit. We don't break a child's spirit. We guide them and at times we have to push back and nip at their lil toes when they cross the line but that does not mean you abuse them in any way shape or form. We do not feed love from a child's body to feed ourselves love. That is not love that is Satan turning love into evol. After this storm their will be serious repercussions for this one.
Lets not forget the flip side of this one. These young girls showing up in bar's with fake ID or misrepresenting their true age and identity and the man takes the fall for that lie for the rest of his life. He wears the label child predator can't go near children. Like that doesn't destroy someone. You destroy someone's reputation to save face for that lie. Parents are condoning it and covering it up. I'm done with young girls that are not getting healthy love at home either due to neglect or abuse. Maybe a misunderstanding, look around you where are the fathers to these girls.
I never had a father and the last thing I ever wanted was for my children not to have a father feed my children healthy love because if they don't have it they go looking somewhere else and that is the truth and every one of you know this. Women's bodies and children's bodies have been taking the brunt of all this sick ego shit for way to long. Quite frankly, I'm done.
07/31/2016 Tolerate
Satan my brother I do not like this word tolerate in my schools or my synthetic medicine and food. We teach our children in schools to tolerate another students differences or beliefs. We are teaching our bodies to tolerate synthetic drugs and food. This would be an undesirable allergy in our minds and our bodies. Isn't that right brother? Anything that has a negative effect on our bodies is a allergic reaction and we just keep giving more synthetic drugs to counter-act the side effects in our bodies.
We do not teach our children in our schools to tolerate each other. People are not to be treated like a allergy. That word should be acceptance. As for our bodies and all this synthetic drugs in our minds and bodies well I'm jus going to let the storm of EMUSSA wash all those illusions and lies away. I will just let my family lift this pain out of peoples minds hearts and bodies. I will let them wash it out of all those poisonous seeds you plant. I will let them wash away all the poison in my dirt and water. Irony is that when you look at all these storms going on in my country and all these other nations well the irony is that this Washington has not been hit yet and when it does I am going to be right there.
Truth be told I'm like a cat and I don't like to get wet. We can just call this one great big baptismal across every nation. I know inside my heart that no matter how rigged these elections are and how it is impossible for the ones who really want to make a change they can't now. To much bullshit buried way to deep to clean this shit up anymore. I know that the majority of mankind is pretty burned out and if they had a chance to start over for their children and this planets future they would be on board. I know you don't want people to know that we recycle like everything else, but we do don't we brother?
We do not teach our children in our schools to tolerate each other. People are not to be treated like a allergy. That word should be acceptance. As for our bodies and all this synthetic drugs in our minds and bodies well I'm jus going to let the storm of EMUSSA wash all those illusions and lies away. I will just let my family lift this pain out of peoples minds hearts and bodies. I will let them wash it out of all those poisonous seeds you plant. I will let them wash away all the poison in my dirt and water. Irony is that when you look at all these storms going on in my country and all these other nations well the irony is that this Washington has not been hit yet and when it does I am going to be right there.
Truth be told I'm like a cat and I don't like to get wet. We can just call this one great big baptismal across every nation. I know inside my heart that no matter how rigged these elections are and how it is impossible for the ones who really want to make a change they can't now. To much bullshit buried way to deep to clean this shit up anymore. I know that the majority of mankind is pretty burned out and if they had a chance to start over for their children and this planets future they would be on board. I know you don't want people to know that we recycle like everything else, but we do don't we brother?
07/31/2016 Poison in my sugar cane
Now Satan my brother lets talk about the FDA and how they have removed natural sugar from our food products and you replaced it slowly with sugar substitutes with names like Acesulfame K, Aspartame, Saccharin and Sucralose. A chemical or plant substitute used to sweeten or enhance the flavor of foods and drinks.
Now we all know that our bodies are meant to have sugar. Our bodies crave it when we don't have it. So we go into overload trying to get it. Take a look at all this diabetes for example, so many more people have diabetes now more than ever. Other countries use actual fruit to enhance the sweet flavor in food but nor us, right brother? Our country is getting sicker and sicker and our taste buds are becoming dull. So that is one reason why people turn to alcohol to get that sugar intake.
Know what else I discovered brother is that people who have all those big bellies out there is that spiritually they are carrying their children close to their heart. I know people focus now just on the medical reason only for their illness but that is not always the case is it brother. What ever ails us physically has a spiritual component first right brother?
Now we all know that our bodies are meant to have sugar. Our bodies crave it when we don't have it. So we go into overload trying to get it. Take a look at all this diabetes for example, so many more people have diabetes now more than ever. Other countries use actual fruit to enhance the sweet flavor in food but nor us, right brother? Our country is getting sicker and sicker and our taste buds are becoming dull. So that is one reason why people turn to alcohol to get that sugar intake.
Know what else I discovered brother is that people who have all those big bellies out there is that spiritually they are carrying their children close to their heart. I know people focus now just on the medical reason only for their illness but that is not always the case is it brother. What ever ails us physically has a spiritual component first right brother?
07/31/2016 Federal Taxes
You know Satan I don't have my notes with me to look back on, so this one will be short and to the point. Let's just tell all of the good people what I discovered about all these Federal taxes? It was a documentary by past IRS agents who have integrity. They went looking for the original document with the original signature that states the IRS can charge all of these good people federal taxes. Come to find out it is not even signed. It was actually created by a bunch of rich greedy investors in a off shore private meeting and somehow without it even being signed it was honored by our own congress.
You see Satan that is why you will lose and all these greedy investors will lose this time around. My family put me to sleep for each year I was married and they woke me, beat the shit out of me inside and out. Tore me down and rebuilt me just the way I am supposed to be. Back to my true form you might say. They rebuilt my muscles around each disc in my burning spine, they rebuilt my muscles in my body from the inside and out. Now I admit I've lost muscle mass this last few weeks with some more weight loss but when the time comes I'll be back in ship shape.
They detoxed me of the poison in my heart. All the lies and deception to take me down. The lies in the assumptions truth be told when you leave someone with an assumption that is not true it is a lie. For example my X spreading around that I had a affair with a married man. Not in a million years. He came into my work and spoke to my boyfriends X. Their divorce was almost final. Just two months to go and they were not living together.
You see he had an affair on her after she had two affairs on him. One with his best friends brother and the other with her sisters long term boyfriend or husband. She needed a face to take the blame for just why her husband left her and I was it. She tried running me over with a car. She tried ramming me in my car with her car with my two children in it. She trashed my name amongst the other agents in the valley and she paid sixty five dollars to have my divorce papers copied for her. What a sick bitch. She was a tyrant and a bully and she had four restraining orders against her already. She even showed up drunk where I lived one night and backed out and hit another car.
I had to go into my work at the beginning of my new job and I asked my own broker to give me another trainer because I didn't want to be caught in the middle of these two's mess. Cary and me hooked up the night the pipes blew under my house. The next morning I was putting it on the market. I called Greg to help and he said no. So you can say Cary came and very gently and lovingly cleaned my pipes. Cary was kind. Beautiful baby blues with a beautiful smile and I had not had affection in so long. Greg never touched me. Oh I had the bruises all over my body while I was married to him. Spiritual beating is what that was all about. I didn't know then what I know now.
Neglect is a invisible abuse. I don't know how many doctors I went to trying to figure out those bruises. People stopping me on the street just to ask me if my husband was beating me. No he didn't he barley spoke except to say something cruel, like hurry up look busier painting that trim around the door. He didn't care that he just yelled across the room with all our friends that my grandmother who took care of me when I was sick and there home was my second home growing up. Telling me twenty minutes later while I stood on a ladder four months pregnant with Kiley that I need to look busier I was being rude to our house guest.
After he made me come home when me and Alex were sitting on her death bed the day before in Kelso. I had to leave my one year old at that predators house with my mother. I tried to tell him I can't my grandmother is dying. I was told I was being rude and that evening I watched a car driving outside the far right lane and move in the lane to the left clip a RV it flipped over and over in the air over four lanes in front of me upside down six feet in front of that Gold Exploder I drove. Had Alex been with me I don't know that I would of seen it ahead of time to slow down. When I got home he wasn't at the store getting paint, food and beer for the next day. It was my job you see. All he said was so you almost died today huh? What a kind man I married after all. this lazy entitled son of a bitch.
You see Satan that is why you will lose and all these greedy investors will lose this time around. My family put me to sleep for each year I was married and they woke me, beat the shit out of me inside and out. Tore me down and rebuilt me just the way I am supposed to be. Back to my true form you might say. They rebuilt my muscles around each disc in my burning spine, they rebuilt my muscles in my body from the inside and out. Now I admit I've lost muscle mass this last few weeks with some more weight loss but when the time comes I'll be back in ship shape.
They detoxed me of the poison in my heart. All the lies and deception to take me down. The lies in the assumptions truth be told when you leave someone with an assumption that is not true it is a lie. For example my X spreading around that I had a affair with a married man. Not in a million years. He came into my work and spoke to my boyfriends X. Their divorce was almost final. Just two months to go and they were not living together.
You see he had an affair on her after she had two affairs on him. One with his best friends brother and the other with her sisters long term boyfriend or husband. She needed a face to take the blame for just why her husband left her and I was it. She tried running me over with a car. She tried ramming me in my car with her car with my two children in it. She trashed my name amongst the other agents in the valley and she paid sixty five dollars to have my divorce papers copied for her. What a sick bitch. She was a tyrant and a bully and she had four restraining orders against her already. She even showed up drunk where I lived one night and backed out and hit another car.
I had to go into my work at the beginning of my new job and I asked my own broker to give me another trainer because I didn't want to be caught in the middle of these two's mess. Cary and me hooked up the night the pipes blew under my house. The next morning I was putting it on the market. I called Greg to help and he said no. So you can say Cary came and very gently and lovingly cleaned my pipes. Cary was kind. Beautiful baby blues with a beautiful smile and I had not had affection in so long. Greg never touched me. Oh I had the bruises all over my body while I was married to him. Spiritual beating is what that was all about. I didn't know then what I know now.
Neglect is a invisible abuse. I don't know how many doctors I went to trying to figure out those bruises. People stopping me on the street just to ask me if my husband was beating me. No he didn't he barley spoke except to say something cruel, like hurry up look busier painting that trim around the door. He didn't care that he just yelled across the room with all our friends that my grandmother who took care of me when I was sick and there home was my second home growing up. Telling me twenty minutes later while I stood on a ladder four months pregnant with Kiley that I need to look busier I was being rude to our house guest.
After he made me come home when me and Alex were sitting on her death bed the day before in Kelso. I had to leave my one year old at that predators house with my mother. I tried to tell him I can't my grandmother is dying. I was told I was being rude and that evening I watched a car driving outside the far right lane and move in the lane to the left clip a RV it flipped over and over in the air over four lanes in front of me upside down six feet in front of that Gold Exploder I drove. Had Alex been with me I don't know that I would of seen it ahead of time to slow down. When I got home he wasn't at the store getting paint, food and beer for the next day. It was my job you see. All he said was so you almost died today huh? What a kind man I married after all. this lazy entitled son of a bitch.
07/31/2016 Hypocrisy
I love Ben Stein. He is a rich man but he is truthful with people about what is really going on. When this popped up on my Facebook this hit the nail on the head.
Fathom the hypocrisy of a government that requires every citizen to prove they are insured but not everyone must prove they are a citizen. Now consider that many of those who refuse or are unable, to prove they are citizens will receive free insurance paid for by those who are forced to pay insurance because they are citizens.
Oxymoron again. I am out here using this insurance and all these guidelines and quite frankly it is a crock of shit.
What about the fact that people who are non citizens can vote? What about our constituents who make promises to these non citizens trying to get elected? What about the people in this country that they represent in the first place? My veterans make less money serving our country than the people who work these counters? What about these veterans who can only use these veteran medical facilities far away in one location? I find is subpar in the service we give to these men and women who got fucked up by their own country in the first place. I said to Michael "you mean to tell me I can pretty much walk in any doctors office or hospital and get help and you have to go to one office on the other side of Seattle?" They sit in a waiting room for hours while they hand out socks and tell these men where to go to get a meal. Herding the wrong flock brother.
That day I sat in the office with Michael after we walked out I got on the bus and right when I saw the American Flag. Bam I orgasm twice. Two long orgasms nice and slow. Luckily no one else was on the bus. Just my family blessing and honoring my flag with that special essence. Then their was the evening I was the only one on the bus, I turned my head to the left and Bam! Another two slow orgasms down Washington Avenue. A couple days later I was on the same road and I looked at the cross streets and right their it was Todd street. Funny I don't even have to touch myself or think about sex it is just one of the ways I am a vessel for that family upstairs. They have taken me around all year marking my territory in this Washington that will represent that Washington.
That is one of the many ways I have discovered the behaviors of the men around me afterwards. Following me and yelling things at me. Just trying to back these boys down is impossible. It took me awhile before it finally dawned on me what was happening to people around me after this happened.
Fathom the hypocrisy of a government that requires every citizen to prove they are insured but not everyone must prove they are a citizen. Now consider that many of those who refuse or are unable, to prove they are citizens will receive free insurance paid for by those who are forced to pay insurance because they are citizens.
Oxymoron again. I am out here using this insurance and all these guidelines and quite frankly it is a crock of shit.
What about the fact that people who are non citizens can vote? What about our constituents who make promises to these non citizens trying to get elected? What about the people in this country that they represent in the first place? My veterans make less money serving our country than the people who work these counters? What about these veterans who can only use these veteran medical facilities far away in one location? I find is subpar in the service we give to these men and women who got fucked up by their own country in the first place. I said to Michael "you mean to tell me I can pretty much walk in any doctors office or hospital and get help and you have to go to one office on the other side of Seattle?" They sit in a waiting room for hours while they hand out socks and tell these men where to go to get a meal. Herding the wrong flock brother.
That day I sat in the office with Michael after we walked out I got on the bus and right when I saw the American Flag. Bam I orgasm twice. Two long orgasms nice and slow. Luckily no one else was on the bus. Just my family blessing and honoring my flag with that special essence. Then their was the evening I was the only one on the bus, I turned my head to the left and Bam! Another two slow orgasms down Washington Avenue. A couple days later I was on the same road and I looked at the cross streets and right their it was Todd street. Funny I don't even have to touch myself or think about sex it is just one of the ways I am a vessel for that family upstairs. They have taken me around all year marking my territory in this Washington that will represent that Washington.
That is one of the many ways I have discovered the behaviors of the men around me afterwards. Following me and yelling things at me. Just trying to back these boys down is impossible. It took me awhile before it finally dawned on me what was happening to people around me after this happened.
07/31/2016 Hippocratic Oath
You know Satan as much as I hate this life. I am done, I am throwing in the towel. I mean why the fuck am I out here doing this and it isn't even my burden to carry on my own. I'm just done. It is amazing how some days things work out. I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere in a motel and they gave me my internet for free today. This will be pretty much my last day to post and vent my rage on all this bullshit injustice in pretty much everything IC things just don't add up. In the last month or so some things have caught my eye and it just keeps spiraling in my head. Remember brother my family is just catching me up and well God Dammit if I'm not a quick learner after all.
Shall we tell the good people of my nation just where the Hippocratic Oath that doctors originally took came from. His name was Hippocrates he was called the Father of Western culture. Historically our physicians took this oath to treat patients. It was a widely known Greek text for new physician's to swear be a number of healing gods to uphold specific ethical standards. Interesting how our histories cultures are based on other histories of other cultures. I mean what physician today would ever believe that their history was based on a myth right? Wow it amazes me that back then our practitioners had some kind of spiritual belief and now it is stripped away based solely on science. Science learned from the atoms of this planet. We carry it through generations inside us every time we come back. That is part of our essence from upstairs. Energy is energy no matter what label you place on it.
A Different Kind of Oaths (you tube)
Our lawyers greatest reputation is his greatest asset. Sometimes lawyers lose and there are no tools available to eradicate the impending loss. The only way a lawyer can do anything possible to win a case for his client is by manipulating tools available to him. A lawyer can fudge or lie about the facts in a case or the law in order to help his client.
You know as well as I do Satan that most of these people that become physicians and lawyers do it to help someone else. Well they start out that way. Truth be told I have heard lawyers and judges say just trying to work or defend someone in this system of all this justice is a huge loop hole of injustice that doesn't add up. Some try to be honorable and represent and they just can't hardly move anymore.
My own doctor wanted to write me a prescription for a muscle relaxer to take at night. You know one that actually does it's job not one of the other synthetic's that don't. Her hands were tied she had to put a five day hold on a prescription that I needed that day because of the insurance company guidelines. I have had a pain pill prescription filled at the same place like three in about eight months, I go to get it refilled after I left the office and the pharmacist assistant has me wait to look me up to see if I can get it filled. I about jumped over that mother fucking counter and I said to her "if my doctor writes me a prescription you better damn well fill it. It is the insurance companies job to fill it. It is not the insurance companies job to tell my doctor how to treat me her patient."
These doctors are told they will get paid a hundred bucks to fill out all this state questionnaire paperwork. They keep bouncing it back if one I is not dotted and they don't get paid. They are burying my doctors who are so confused and just trying to do there job under all this paperwork. Sound familiar? Just like a lawyer.
I begged my doctors to get the guidelines changed on my Imitrex. I even said look that stuff is like gold to me. I just want to function and take care of my family, I don't want all these other pills. They wouldn't do it. I even got into a program to get it covered from a pharmaceutical company for free for a year and another doctors office fucked that up. Even though I took the prescription to a pharmacist they billed the company who made it and she wouldn't give me the prescription. Since when does a nurse or doctor get to decide where or how I get my prescription filled with a perfectly legal program actually provided by the pharmacy company to help me? All of this bullshit of different professions crossing lines that just isn't there place. We just wonder why people take matters in their own hands.
I had two surgeries back to back in a six week period with a migraine the whole time.
Afterwards I took four months off and I took two more just to see how I would feel. I literally felt and saw in my mind a huge lion head that roared. I checked myself into a rehab to gain some tools on how to handle this and instead I have my husband lying, and leaving people to assume his truth of what was happening to me. This was while he was signing my life and my business over to Mary Stone after 12 years of marriage and never dropping the ball. I even got a threatening letter from him while I was in there and truth be told I never dropped the ball on my children not one God Damned time. I even showed up at the office the same night of my fathers funeral to work on the trim because Greg told me I had to do my part. What about the four thousand I got from my father that I paid into that business when he dropped the ball. What about all the leg work with two babies in tow to find a location, sign a lease, work with the city on everything. I got credit or acknowledgement for nothing.
Let's not even get into the illegal billing my divorce lawyer pulled on me after that? To get a divorce in this country that is already rigged to create stress and set up to make people fail? That one years worth of paperwork to get a divorce is a numbers game set up to be spread out over a year through the court system. If it wasn't for Mary Stone being involved in my divorce me and Greg's divorce could of been settled in just a couple of months. Hell I didn't care if he lived in the third section of that house just so he could stay close to our children.
He had a bedroom, a full furnished living room and his own bathroom. We could of shared the kitchen and my girls could of ran back and forth but his ego wouldn't let him do that. We even made an agreement that he would read a story to the children before bed to help me out and he showed up one time.
This truly is why I will never get married again. I have no desire. Marriage becomes about the documentation and state standards and guidelines for a worthless piece of paper to tell me how to leave someone and just how much it is gonna cost me. I have no idea how many men wanted to marry me? Give it a lil while and you will see someone's true colors. When Greg asked me we were at a friends cabin. Greg can cook he doesn't very often but yes he can cook. He made steak and the works, we are sitting at the table and I am clueless. I have on a big Victoria's Secret mans shirt, my hair in a pony O and he drops the bomb. I got up from the table and went and laid on the couch. I placed my arm across my eyes and I did not move.
I was young, I had a new car by the time I was nineteen. A beautiful apartment and I had already managed a salon. So for him to ask me to quit my life and put it on hold while he does four more years of college was a big commitment. I asked him and just when do you expect this wedding to take place? He said four. I said two, you want me to pack up my life for you I'm not working my ass off somewhere else for someone else without that ring. That was our agreement. I think for some reason Greg felt guilty because I aborted our first son. He was with me all the way and I always thought that Greg was a kind and caring person. His family was hard workers and they both started from nothing. Even though they didn't like their jobs they had integrity in all things they did, except for the mother of the only grandchildren in both sides of his family.
I was not trapping a man to me for a child. Who pays but the child. I was not going to interfere with his future and I was not using my mother for back up. She already destroyed three lives and she wasn't getting one of mine. That is called redemption people. The choices we make and why we make them.
Shall we tell the good people of my nation just where the Hippocratic Oath that doctors originally took came from. His name was Hippocrates he was called the Father of Western culture. Historically our physicians took this oath to treat patients. It was a widely known Greek text for new physician's to swear be a number of healing gods to uphold specific ethical standards. Interesting how our histories cultures are based on other histories of other cultures. I mean what physician today would ever believe that their history was based on a myth right? Wow it amazes me that back then our practitioners had some kind of spiritual belief and now it is stripped away based solely on science. Science learned from the atoms of this planet. We carry it through generations inside us every time we come back. That is part of our essence from upstairs. Energy is energy no matter what label you place on it.
A Different Kind of Oaths (you tube)
Our lawyers greatest reputation is his greatest asset. Sometimes lawyers lose and there are no tools available to eradicate the impending loss. The only way a lawyer can do anything possible to win a case for his client is by manipulating tools available to him. A lawyer can fudge or lie about the facts in a case or the law in order to help his client.
You know as well as I do Satan that most of these people that become physicians and lawyers do it to help someone else. Well they start out that way. Truth be told I have heard lawyers and judges say just trying to work or defend someone in this system of all this justice is a huge loop hole of injustice that doesn't add up. Some try to be honorable and represent and they just can't hardly move anymore.
My own doctor wanted to write me a prescription for a muscle relaxer to take at night. You know one that actually does it's job not one of the other synthetic's that don't. Her hands were tied she had to put a five day hold on a prescription that I needed that day because of the insurance company guidelines. I have had a pain pill prescription filled at the same place like three in about eight months, I go to get it refilled after I left the office and the pharmacist assistant has me wait to look me up to see if I can get it filled. I about jumped over that mother fucking counter and I said to her "if my doctor writes me a prescription you better damn well fill it. It is the insurance companies job to fill it. It is not the insurance companies job to tell my doctor how to treat me her patient."
These doctors are told they will get paid a hundred bucks to fill out all this state questionnaire paperwork. They keep bouncing it back if one I is not dotted and they don't get paid. They are burying my doctors who are so confused and just trying to do there job under all this paperwork. Sound familiar? Just like a lawyer.
I begged my doctors to get the guidelines changed on my Imitrex. I even said look that stuff is like gold to me. I just want to function and take care of my family, I don't want all these other pills. They wouldn't do it. I even got into a program to get it covered from a pharmaceutical company for free for a year and another doctors office fucked that up. Even though I took the prescription to a pharmacist they billed the company who made it and she wouldn't give me the prescription. Since when does a nurse or doctor get to decide where or how I get my prescription filled with a perfectly legal program actually provided by the pharmacy company to help me? All of this bullshit of different professions crossing lines that just isn't there place. We just wonder why people take matters in their own hands.
I had two surgeries back to back in a six week period with a migraine the whole time.
Afterwards I took four months off and I took two more just to see how I would feel. I literally felt and saw in my mind a huge lion head that roared. I checked myself into a rehab to gain some tools on how to handle this and instead I have my husband lying, and leaving people to assume his truth of what was happening to me. This was while he was signing my life and my business over to Mary Stone after 12 years of marriage and never dropping the ball. I even got a threatening letter from him while I was in there and truth be told I never dropped the ball on my children not one God Damned time. I even showed up at the office the same night of my fathers funeral to work on the trim because Greg told me I had to do my part. What about the four thousand I got from my father that I paid into that business when he dropped the ball. What about all the leg work with two babies in tow to find a location, sign a lease, work with the city on everything. I got credit or acknowledgement for nothing.
Let's not even get into the illegal billing my divorce lawyer pulled on me after that? To get a divorce in this country that is already rigged to create stress and set up to make people fail? That one years worth of paperwork to get a divorce is a numbers game set up to be spread out over a year through the court system. If it wasn't for Mary Stone being involved in my divorce me and Greg's divorce could of been settled in just a couple of months. Hell I didn't care if he lived in the third section of that house just so he could stay close to our children.
He had a bedroom, a full furnished living room and his own bathroom. We could of shared the kitchen and my girls could of ran back and forth but his ego wouldn't let him do that. We even made an agreement that he would read a story to the children before bed to help me out and he showed up one time.
This truly is why I will never get married again. I have no desire. Marriage becomes about the documentation and state standards and guidelines for a worthless piece of paper to tell me how to leave someone and just how much it is gonna cost me. I have no idea how many men wanted to marry me? Give it a lil while and you will see someone's true colors. When Greg asked me we were at a friends cabin. Greg can cook he doesn't very often but yes he can cook. He made steak and the works, we are sitting at the table and I am clueless. I have on a big Victoria's Secret mans shirt, my hair in a pony O and he drops the bomb. I got up from the table and went and laid on the couch. I placed my arm across my eyes and I did not move.
I was young, I had a new car by the time I was nineteen. A beautiful apartment and I had already managed a salon. So for him to ask me to quit my life and put it on hold while he does four more years of college was a big commitment. I asked him and just when do you expect this wedding to take place? He said four. I said two, you want me to pack up my life for you I'm not working my ass off somewhere else for someone else without that ring. That was our agreement. I think for some reason Greg felt guilty because I aborted our first son. He was with me all the way and I always thought that Greg was a kind and caring person. His family was hard workers and they both started from nothing. Even though they didn't like their jobs they had integrity in all things they did, except for the mother of the only grandchildren in both sides of his family.
I was not trapping a man to me for a child. Who pays but the child. I was not going to interfere with his future and I was not using my mother for back up. She already destroyed three lives and she wasn't getting one of mine. That is called redemption people. The choices we make and why we make them.
07/31/2016 Mark Up On Prices and all These Pretty Labels
You know Satan don't think I didn't notice or that I haven't known about all these marked up prices on our food and other incidentals. My mother worked at AG as a Cherry Picker for twenty years. She explained to me then that all this food pretty much comes from the same warehouses and they just have different labels.
People all walk around complaining about the cost of food but they don't want to educate or do anything about it. People are all into saying things like well corporations have to make their money. I assure you they make their money hand over fist on us. So in the future after this storm all food will cost the same, no matter the label. Their will be one marked up price for all for the reproduction of food. We just keep reinventing the wheel and creating more garbage.
Don't think I didn't learn years ago from a young woman who worked in these labs testing all this over the counter medicine. She said they are pretty much all the same, just different labels and that the dosage on these labels can be doubled to make it prescription product. Again all these different brands that are pretty much the same thing reinventing the wheel creating more confusion and garbage in our minds, our bodies and my planet. I'm just done with all your shit and garbage on my planet.
People all walk around complaining about the cost of food but they don't want to educate or do anything about it. People are all into saying things like well corporations have to make their money. I assure you they make their money hand over fist on us. So in the future after this storm all food will cost the same, no matter the label. Their will be one marked up price for all for the reproduction of food. We just keep reinventing the wheel and creating more garbage.
Don't think I didn't learn years ago from a young woman who worked in these labs testing all this over the counter medicine. She said they are pretty much all the same, just different labels and that the dosage on these labels can be doubled to make it prescription product. Again all these different brands that are pretty much the same thing reinventing the wheel creating more confusion and garbage in our minds, our bodies and my planet. I'm just done with all your shit and garbage on my planet.
07/31/2016 Roe vs. Wade
So Satan should we just rip the band-aid off of this issue? I mean come on not only is it morally wrong for any elected official to use what choices a woman makes for her own body or even a couple. Talk about a oxymoron of a issue here. A candidates job isn't to pass judgment on its constituents, a candidates job is to feed, protect and serve the people not the other way around.
Talk about redemption. Redemption is a powerful thing particularly from that family upstairs. When a baby dies it goes back to heaven, when a woman and or a man make this choice it is never easy in the first place. God takes those babies back doesn't he? It is about the choices we make around this decision. Can we feed our children? Can we feed it love instead of us being so broken that we have children to feed us love? Can we put a roof over that child's head? Are we having children to keep a man or a woman attached to us trying to get love?
We have all these men out here spreading their seed and having children with many different women and they can't even feed them. Their ego is to big and they leave that mother to take care of things while they run off with the boys. I haven't even gotten started on these mothers who keep having children that they can't even feed let alone have the maturity to love it in a healthy way. That is for both these men and women. We have people judging and making others feel guilty for making responsible choices that is better for themselves and the economy, and then we judge and persecute them especially when we blame them for paying for their mistakes that others made them feel shame for in the first place.
I do not agree with abortion being a form of birth control, that is what Plan B and birth control is for. Their is even birth control for men now. No one wants to put a raincoat on for that ten minutes of fun and no one really thinks about the long-term repercussions of another life, minimum for 18 years. This issue in the future will be removed from any table in a elected officials candidacy. Quite frankly I am done with this shit. Man does not get to choose. This is why people have these options in the first place. So knock this shit off you entitled self serving son of a bitches.
No more having you cake and eating it too.
Talk about redemption. Redemption is a powerful thing particularly from that family upstairs. When a baby dies it goes back to heaven, when a woman and or a man make this choice it is never easy in the first place. God takes those babies back doesn't he? It is about the choices we make around this decision. Can we feed our children? Can we feed it love instead of us being so broken that we have children to feed us love? Can we put a roof over that child's head? Are we having children to keep a man or a woman attached to us trying to get love?
We have all these men out here spreading their seed and having children with many different women and they can't even feed them. Their ego is to big and they leave that mother to take care of things while they run off with the boys. I haven't even gotten started on these mothers who keep having children that they can't even feed let alone have the maturity to love it in a healthy way. That is for both these men and women. We have people judging and making others feel guilty for making responsible choices that is better for themselves and the economy, and then we judge and persecute them especially when we blame them for paying for their mistakes that others made them feel shame for in the first place.
I do not agree with abortion being a form of birth control, that is what Plan B and birth control is for. Their is even birth control for men now. No one wants to put a raincoat on for that ten minutes of fun and no one really thinks about the long-term repercussions of another life, minimum for 18 years. This issue in the future will be removed from any table in a elected officials candidacy. Quite frankly I am done with this shit. Man does not get to choose. This is why people have these options in the first place. So knock this shit off you entitled self serving son of a bitches.
No more having you cake and eating it too.
Saturday, July 30, 2016
07/30/2016 Two Steps to Heaven
When I first came out here before I understood what this was all about. I laid there rocking and crying saying in my mind "I do not choose either daughter." The second night the same thing only it was, "I do not choose either father. I will not choose you cannot make me."
I got a job as a cherry picker at a ware-house just like my mother. The filing for these Samsung parts was bassackwards. The filing in one area went up to level H. The other staff would only file up to level G. They didn't want to grab the step stool and file it up on level H. So we had to keep re-inputting pass code 7777777 over and over.
It dawned on me then that everyone is willing to go to God. 'Oh God forgive my sins and heavy heart. Forgive me being a selfish, greedy, judgmental bastard for taking down others when I shouldn't of." Then I realized people are willing to go to God but they aren't willing to take the two steps it takes to get into heavens doors..
All these people in my country that shouldn't be here that are all part of this inside take down that IC, need to go back to there own country and show God just how worthy you really are. You entitled son of a bitches just who do you think you are to think your going to outsmart God and HIS ONE ALL SEEING EYE? You want to prove you are worthy and get back into his kingdom? Get back to your own mother fucking country and man up. Take a stand for your women, your children, and your land. Not from each other but from below and up above. No women, no children means no planet.
This storm I call EMUSSA is coming down on your heads in more ways than one. Look around you at all these storms. Our Mother and God are not happy thinking your going to over throw my nation and mankind behind his back.
WTF! People open your eyes, and open your hearts, let it go, all that ails you, give that family upstairs everything you got. That is what they are there for. To lean on them and let it go. If you think they don't know you are only lying to yourselves. Do you know what they are looking for? Those that can do and those that can that don't. It really is that easy what you do in that closet and inside your heart, they see it all, and well now quite frankly so do I. I always have, I just couldn't believe how ones actions didn't match what I was seeing inside. I was only seeing the good in people not the bad.
Only the meek and worthy will survive. I know who the meek and worthy are. Do you?
I got a job as a cherry picker at a ware-house just like my mother. The filing for these Samsung parts was bassackwards. The filing in one area went up to level H. The other staff would only file up to level G. They didn't want to grab the step stool and file it up on level H. So we had to keep re-inputting pass code 7777777 over and over.
It dawned on me then that everyone is willing to go to God. 'Oh God forgive my sins and heavy heart. Forgive me being a selfish, greedy, judgmental bastard for taking down others when I shouldn't of." Then I realized people are willing to go to God but they aren't willing to take the two steps it takes to get into heavens doors..
All these people in my country that shouldn't be here that are all part of this inside take down that IC, need to go back to there own country and show God just how worthy you really are. You entitled son of a bitches just who do you think you are to think your going to outsmart God and HIS ONE ALL SEEING EYE? You want to prove you are worthy and get back into his kingdom? Get back to your own mother fucking country and man up. Take a stand for your women, your children, and your land. Not from each other but from below and up above. No women, no children means no planet.
This storm I call EMUSSA is coming down on your heads in more ways than one. Look around you at all these storms. Our Mother and God are not happy thinking your going to over throw my nation and mankind behind his back.
WTF! People open your eyes, and open your hearts, let it go, all that ails you, give that family upstairs everything you got. That is what they are there for. To lean on them and let it go. If you think they don't know you are only lying to yourselves. Do you know what they are looking for? Those that can do and those that can that don't. It really is that easy what you do in that closet and inside your heart, they see it all, and well now quite frankly so do I. I always have, I just couldn't believe how ones actions didn't match what I was seeing inside. I was only seeing the good in people not the bad.
Only the meek and worthy will survive. I know who the meek and worthy are. Do you?
07/30/2016 Pride vs. Pride
Pride vs. Pride
Their is a good pride and a bad pride to be. Truth be told I never thought about it from a different perspective. A different point of view. Native pride is about pride in their culture, their people, their family and community. They worship and honor both Mother Earth and God.
Pride in the bible is connected with ego. Anything connected with ego is a bad combination. Throw in a little bible pride, a dash of mental illness, paranoia and fear. and what do you create none other than demon sloth. To much of anything is not good thing particularly with Sloth. Sloth is elusive and deceptive he moves in slowly getting heavier on peoples psyche, minds and bodies. Yes sloth poisons the heart. He blocks you from love and light.
Sloth causes suppression, oppression and depression he pushes you into the ground getting heavier and heavier over time as your mind, body, and life slip away. Sloth isn't just about material things like greed. Sloth works behind the scenes on the psyche. Then we have psychiatrist and pharmaceutical companies creating labels and medicine to suppress our emotions. Making us zombies so we do not feel while these investors get rich.
Sloth will take you down any way he can. He will pull the rug out from underneath you when truth be told these mentally ill and labels are all just people re-acting to Mother Earth. Schizophrenics see things in another dimension. They are so in tune and misunderstood. They are intuitive not mentally ill. Those dimensions are getting darker and darker because that fallen angel and his big plan are getting closer and closer to this dimension.
They want to Microchip our bodies to control our money, our health, and our overall well being. Sloth brainwashes creating fear for things that Mother Nature and God can provide. Health, happiness, joy. Food for our hearts, our minds and our bodies. Something mankind has not felt for so long.
This system is teaching mankind, God's children to tolerate synthetic drugs and food. This was only a temporary solution to a long term problem. Synthetic is creating the allergy in our bodies, and minds. Our bodies and minds we're not meant to tolerate these allergies for long periods as they poison us and do nothing but turn us off and suppress mankind.
Their is a good pride and a bad pride to be. Truth be told I never thought about it from a different perspective. A different point of view. Native pride is about pride in their culture, their people, their family and community. They worship and honor both Mother Earth and God.
Pride in the bible is connected with ego. Anything connected with ego is a bad combination. Throw in a little bible pride, a dash of mental illness, paranoia and fear. and what do you create none other than demon sloth. To much of anything is not good thing particularly with Sloth. Sloth is elusive and deceptive he moves in slowly getting heavier on peoples psyche, minds and bodies. Yes sloth poisons the heart. He blocks you from love and light.
Sloth causes suppression, oppression and depression he pushes you into the ground getting heavier and heavier over time as your mind, body, and life slip away. Sloth isn't just about material things like greed. Sloth works behind the scenes on the psyche. Then we have psychiatrist and pharmaceutical companies creating labels and medicine to suppress our emotions. Making us zombies so we do not feel while these investors get rich.
Sloth will take you down any way he can. He will pull the rug out from underneath you when truth be told these mentally ill and labels are all just people re-acting to Mother Earth. Schizophrenics see things in another dimension. They are so in tune and misunderstood. They are intuitive not mentally ill. Those dimensions are getting darker and darker because that fallen angel and his big plan are getting closer and closer to this dimension.
They want to Microchip our bodies to control our money, our health, and our overall well being. Sloth brainwashes creating fear for things that Mother Nature and God can provide. Health, happiness, joy. Food for our hearts, our minds and our bodies. Something mankind has not felt for so long.
This system is teaching mankind, God's children to tolerate synthetic drugs and food. This was only a temporary solution to a long term problem. Synthetic is creating the allergy in our bodies, and minds. Our bodies and minds we're not meant to tolerate these allergies for long periods as they poison us and do nothing but turn us off and suppress mankind.
07/30/2016 Pain
When I started this I could hardly move. A year of walking beside that brother I never knew I had. A little medical healing. A whole hell of allot of spiritual purging, and spiritual healing. I have curvature in my spine because of that backpack and all those miles I walked. Some days a stabbing pain around each disc. Sometimes fire all the way down, as it hurt my heavy heart. Some moments beautiful, some sad, and some scary at times. I don't always like what I hear.
Truth be told their ain't no going back. I found Faith. I found Fate and now it's time for Destiny, so Karma can kick some ass.
Truth be told their ain't no going back. I found Faith. I found Fate and now it's time for Destiny, so Karma can kick some ass.
Thursday, July 28, 2016
07/28/2016 Let The Good Times Roll
I hate this life. I fucking hate it. I don't care what people think of me. I don't care about anything anymore. Talk about a shit storm of a day yesterday. The mother fucking hits just keep coming. You know I don't know if it ever occurred to anyone but JC no matter being His Son was no easy feat. I can't imagine what it would be like to go through life knowing who you are and knowing the truth and taking the heat, the blame all because of someone else's fear? Carrying the burden all alone. Hell at least he had disciples and people to have his back. At least some people listened but not today oh hell no. A new beginning is just to scary but in the meantime I'm left out here alone.
Figuring this out and having the answers really is no great blessing either. I assure you my family have not lived a blessed life being the filters for this planet. Being a filter my whole life to my mothers demon she carries over her. Yeah that's why I was always nauseous and my stomach was always on fire. Well it's not anymore.
Told by a manager to apply for a job. Just a couple blocks from my house. I don't know how many times last week I had to go to the library to fill this thing out. Next day it's gone. It was their server's they were upgrading to a new system. I finally get it done yesterday and I walked in and I let the manager know.
All week I have not been able to do dishes or laundry because of my room mate. I was having a good day. Each day I live, I pretty much cross my fingers that things will not fall apart. You know it's all about that timing. Coming home to do laundry and dishes and start packing up my room. I have pretty much lived in my room and well my room mate has a sink full of camping dishes from two weeks ago. As I approach my house the power guy is turning off our electricity.
Had a back up plan for this too. Not the laundry and dishes but just this last week my State rep said when it turns off we will put you up in a hotel for two weeks. I think good somewhere to put the things I need each day will help. I just spent my last 30 bucks on groceries that I could not take with me. They are all bad now anyways. I was hardly eating as it was. My room mate took the can opener and the dishes. I have no money to eat out. I have lost muscle mass and more weight. I'm always so close to running out of my own energy each day. Food is fuel you know and well when your my size you need all the fuel you need walking around and carrying this back pack each day.
I call my rep and it seems due to budget cuts they can only put me up for one day at a time here and there. I am now in a motel two hours by bus away from my job interview today and that isn't counting the half hour walk it takes to get there. My stuff is in my house and I have no way to get it out of there and get it back to storage. I am so sick of losing everything I have for this journey. I am sick of worrying about this full suitcase of journals that I write each day before I blog. These journals are for my children. God Dammit I have three years to live before I go down in a plane crash. Last year it was four. Not anymore.
Another program wants to put me in a training school. Seems I need to learn even more. I'm not doing it. I'm done. I was told to call 211. I did and thank God Michael got me a phone with unlimited minutes because after a ten minute speal on how to hydrate in the weather I could leave a call back number and not lose my turn. No call back. I have no clean clothes the money or the time to go to the laundry mat. I have to go through the whole process of getting another place with someone else I don't know to be in charge of my destiny yet again.
Can't get on a lease because of that character defect I just can't seem to get past. Shop lifting alcohol six years ago. A misdemeanor that corporations are treating as a felony. My credit score is over 600. I can't get hired at corporations that do background checks. After my back started to heal, I went to Labor Ready down the road and I can't work for them either. David my rep with the State said Colleen I can get real criminals with real felonies into these places but because of this I can't get you in. He thinks its absurd too.
Oh yeah my background check came up in Oregon. Then it said not sure if it is even me. All my documentation is out of Washington where I was born. So yeah let the good times roll because here I go again, doing I have no idea what kind of shuffle anymore and I really don't care.
I have not lived with Michael all year and I was good with that. He moved to Federal Way in a residential neighborhood. Twins something, I knew he was supposed to be there. He was told he can live there forever and I was like 'hee haw" yes now I don't have to worry and I can let him go. I said to Michael, you might not want to have a plan to live with someone else for free Michael. Eventually you need to get out there and do it on your own.
I feel so much guilt knowing I'm meant to walk beside him. Knowing someday soon I'll have to walk away. Out here we really didn't see each other much and when we did we shared what we had. He worked on me every time to keep me moving right along each day. Now Michael is working a job that doesn't kill his body to do and he looks real good too. I am proud of Michael, but now the place he was staying wants there room back. The owners son is moving back.
Michael doesn't get paid for two more weeks and I got dead lines to meet. I have tried like wild fire to leave Michael but something like this happens and me and him are left with no choices. I hate someone else making choices and being in charge of my destiny each day. Every mother fucking day I had no idea what I was going to learn, see or happen and now I'm really thinking about taking that suitcase, hopping a bus and going back to that storage unit and woods.
I just don't like how Gary had a black square burned in his yard at the same time, I stuck a staff in that black square. This whole time is dejavu all over again. This time last year, I got the rug pulled out from under me and so did Cyndi and Keith.
I got my writing and back pack stolen along with my migraine meds. Gary had stuff stolen and so did Cyndi. Then I shit you not Cyndi's life falls apart. A woman who gives 200 percent to anything she does. This happens to me. They lose there place I lose mine and Gary gets a black square burned in his yard. That is why I am ready to throw in the towel.
My sister told me three things the last time I saw her a few years back. That my great grandfather was a Navajo not a Cherokee like my great grandmother, that I was born in Renton, but our first home was Kent. The Gateway. My mom moved us in the middle of the night. My dad spent the rent check at the bar. Lastly she said that when I was a child I wanted twelve children. I looked at her and I said something like bite your tongue. I told her I thought it was her and she said no it was me. I was like thank God I only had two.
Right before this went down, Kiley brings me my cross with the Lords Prayer in it that my grandmother gave me when I was five. It seems my mom had it all those years. I wear a thumb ring with a cross that was being resized I had forgotten about. Kiley brings me that too. I got my wide band silver thumb ring I wore for thirteen years back from Alex. I found a diamond ring my mother gave me awhile ago and I always wore a knuckle ring and low and behold one shows up. It was like my family jewels just showed up.
Truth be told I don't care today about any of it. I am burned out tired and hungry, but my back feels fine today.
Figuring this out and having the answers really is no great blessing either. I assure you my family have not lived a blessed life being the filters for this planet. Being a filter my whole life to my mothers demon she carries over her. Yeah that's why I was always nauseous and my stomach was always on fire. Well it's not anymore.
Told by a manager to apply for a job. Just a couple blocks from my house. I don't know how many times last week I had to go to the library to fill this thing out. Next day it's gone. It was their server's they were upgrading to a new system. I finally get it done yesterday and I walked in and I let the manager know.
All week I have not been able to do dishes or laundry because of my room mate. I was having a good day. Each day I live, I pretty much cross my fingers that things will not fall apart. You know it's all about that timing. Coming home to do laundry and dishes and start packing up my room. I have pretty much lived in my room and well my room mate has a sink full of camping dishes from two weeks ago. As I approach my house the power guy is turning off our electricity.
Had a back up plan for this too. Not the laundry and dishes but just this last week my State rep said when it turns off we will put you up in a hotel for two weeks. I think good somewhere to put the things I need each day will help. I just spent my last 30 bucks on groceries that I could not take with me. They are all bad now anyways. I was hardly eating as it was. My room mate took the can opener and the dishes. I have no money to eat out. I have lost muscle mass and more weight. I'm always so close to running out of my own energy each day. Food is fuel you know and well when your my size you need all the fuel you need walking around and carrying this back pack each day.
I call my rep and it seems due to budget cuts they can only put me up for one day at a time here and there. I am now in a motel two hours by bus away from my job interview today and that isn't counting the half hour walk it takes to get there. My stuff is in my house and I have no way to get it out of there and get it back to storage. I am so sick of losing everything I have for this journey. I am sick of worrying about this full suitcase of journals that I write each day before I blog. These journals are for my children. God Dammit I have three years to live before I go down in a plane crash. Last year it was four. Not anymore.
Another program wants to put me in a training school. Seems I need to learn even more. I'm not doing it. I'm done. I was told to call 211. I did and thank God Michael got me a phone with unlimited minutes because after a ten minute speal on how to hydrate in the weather I could leave a call back number and not lose my turn. No call back. I have no clean clothes the money or the time to go to the laundry mat. I have to go through the whole process of getting another place with someone else I don't know to be in charge of my destiny yet again.
Can't get on a lease because of that character defect I just can't seem to get past. Shop lifting alcohol six years ago. A misdemeanor that corporations are treating as a felony. My credit score is over 600. I can't get hired at corporations that do background checks. After my back started to heal, I went to Labor Ready down the road and I can't work for them either. David my rep with the State said Colleen I can get real criminals with real felonies into these places but because of this I can't get you in. He thinks its absurd too.
Oh yeah my background check came up in Oregon. Then it said not sure if it is even me. All my documentation is out of Washington where I was born. So yeah let the good times roll because here I go again, doing I have no idea what kind of shuffle anymore and I really don't care.
I have not lived with Michael all year and I was good with that. He moved to Federal Way in a residential neighborhood. Twins something, I knew he was supposed to be there. He was told he can live there forever and I was like 'hee haw" yes now I don't have to worry and I can let him go. I said to Michael, you might not want to have a plan to live with someone else for free Michael. Eventually you need to get out there and do it on your own.
I feel so much guilt knowing I'm meant to walk beside him. Knowing someday soon I'll have to walk away. Out here we really didn't see each other much and when we did we shared what we had. He worked on me every time to keep me moving right along each day. Now Michael is working a job that doesn't kill his body to do and he looks real good too. I am proud of Michael, but now the place he was staying wants there room back. The owners son is moving back.
Michael doesn't get paid for two more weeks and I got dead lines to meet. I have tried like wild fire to leave Michael but something like this happens and me and him are left with no choices. I hate someone else making choices and being in charge of my destiny each day. Every mother fucking day I had no idea what I was going to learn, see or happen and now I'm really thinking about taking that suitcase, hopping a bus and going back to that storage unit and woods.
I just don't like how Gary had a black square burned in his yard at the same time, I stuck a staff in that black square. This whole time is dejavu all over again. This time last year, I got the rug pulled out from under me and so did Cyndi and Keith.
I got my writing and back pack stolen along with my migraine meds. Gary had stuff stolen and so did Cyndi. Then I shit you not Cyndi's life falls apart. A woman who gives 200 percent to anything she does. This happens to me. They lose there place I lose mine and Gary gets a black square burned in his yard. That is why I am ready to throw in the towel.
My sister told me three things the last time I saw her a few years back. That my great grandfather was a Navajo not a Cherokee like my great grandmother, that I was born in Renton, but our first home was Kent. The Gateway. My mom moved us in the middle of the night. My dad spent the rent check at the bar. Lastly she said that when I was a child I wanted twelve children. I looked at her and I said something like bite your tongue. I told her I thought it was her and she said no it was me. I was like thank God I only had two.
Right before this went down, Kiley brings me my cross with the Lords Prayer in it that my grandmother gave me when I was five. It seems my mom had it all those years. I wear a thumb ring with a cross that was being resized I had forgotten about. Kiley brings me that too. I got my wide band silver thumb ring I wore for thirteen years back from Alex. I found a diamond ring my mother gave me awhile ago and I always wore a knuckle ring and low and behold one shows up. It was like my family jewels just showed up.
Truth be told I don't care today about any of it. I am burned out tired and hungry, but my back feels fine today.
Wednesday, July 27, 2016
07/27/2016 Manners
I'm really having to hold back on my day today as early as it is. Fucking re-evaluations and deadlines, all these parameters in programs that I have already been approved for for one year. You waste my time and resources and tax payers dollars all on this re-evaluation bullshit. I haven't even gotten started on how such a paperless society all the bullshit paperwork that comes out of all these offices and programs really are. Killing my trees. The cost of all this mail and our tax dollars. Just jumping through mother fucking hoops everyday getting more pissed off at all the injustice IC out here and well quite frankly, my family upstairs likes it that way just fine. Rolling emotions right along with our ocean waters. I really just don't give a fuck anymore. As far as I'm concerned you can take this planet. If mankind doesn't care why should I. I mean I have never seen such a bunch of chicken shit ingrates in my life.
We have become a rude, entitled society following the wrong money tree yet again. Everyone is all defensive and hurt feelings for their own behavior in the first place. People are angry and quite frankly so am I. I mean I get it but fed up is more like it. While you all walk around in this life looking down your nose at each other because you all think your so righteous and justified for your poor behavior.
While I was in that "Lil Blue House of Lost Mothers" Oh the stacks of dishes and laundry I did. You have no idea. I didn't mind truly I didn't glad to help out but others all indignant if asked to do a chore. Wow!
Now I can clean a kitchen in nothing flat but on this particular day the dishwasher didn't get ran so it was full of dirty dishes. I had a huge stack of dirty dishes to my right. Full sink on my left with dishes I just hand washed. Dry rack is full of wet dishes. A new mother walks in an hour late with four children. It was their first day. She asked if her and her children can eat since they are late? I said sure help yourself everything is still out. Right there is the food, the plates are there, the silverware there and cups are over there. Help yourself. Bathroom is down the hall to wash your hands.
This itty bitty thing comes back and says their is a line we can't wait. Well then there is a bathroom downstairs and hand sanitizer over there, help yourself. She proceeds to go off about how she is a single mother just trying to feed her children and I won't let her and in my country blah blah blah. Let's just say right there I was done. I looked at her and I said to her, now you were late and I said go ahead and feed your children. Now you are in my country not yours and in my country it's called manners.
I am so sick and tired of this culture and race card bullshit as a good excuse for poor behavior. Don't anyone ever come in my country again and be ungrateful for what little scraps we have left to even feed my own nation. Now I am not happy about the way things have been but this self entitled bullshit is gonna stop. Don't come in my country and take away my flag. Don't you stand on it, burn it or disrespect it again. We used to be a country to each his own, we had a hodge podge of different nationalities people and religions and we respected it for the most part but to come to my country and strip away what little we have left, complain and disrespect my flag is unacceptable.
By the time this even gets started with that bomb that this E.T. and Satan are just waiting to go off for a takeover and take down my country for the wrong kind of power I'm way ahead of you.
We have become a rude, entitled society following the wrong money tree yet again. Everyone is all defensive and hurt feelings for their own behavior in the first place. People are angry and quite frankly so am I. I mean I get it but fed up is more like it. While you all walk around in this life looking down your nose at each other because you all think your so righteous and justified for your poor behavior.
While I was in that "Lil Blue House of Lost Mothers" Oh the stacks of dishes and laundry I did. You have no idea. I didn't mind truly I didn't glad to help out but others all indignant if asked to do a chore. Wow!
Now I can clean a kitchen in nothing flat but on this particular day the dishwasher didn't get ran so it was full of dirty dishes. I had a huge stack of dirty dishes to my right. Full sink on my left with dishes I just hand washed. Dry rack is full of wet dishes. A new mother walks in an hour late with four children. It was their first day. She asked if her and her children can eat since they are late? I said sure help yourself everything is still out. Right there is the food, the plates are there, the silverware there and cups are over there. Help yourself. Bathroom is down the hall to wash your hands.
This itty bitty thing comes back and says their is a line we can't wait. Well then there is a bathroom downstairs and hand sanitizer over there, help yourself. She proceeds to go off about how she is a single mother just trying to feed her children and I won't let her and in my country blah blah blah. Let's just say right there I was done. I looked at her and I said to her, now you were late and I said go ahead and feed your children. Now you are in my country not yours and in my country it's called manners.
I am so sick and tired of this culture and race card bullshit as a good excuse for poor behavior. Don't anyone ever come in my country again and be ungrateful for what little scraps we have left to even feed my own nation. Now I am not happy about the way things have been but this self entitled bullshit is gonna stop. Don't come in my country and take away my flag. Don't you stand on it, burn it or disrespect it again. We used to be a country to each his own, we had a hodge podge of different nationalities people and religions and we respected it for the most part but to come to my country and strip away what little we have left, complain and disrespect my flag is unacceptable.
By the time this even gets started with that bomb that this E.T. and Satan are just waiting to go off for a takeover and take down my country for the wrong kind of power I'm way ahead of you.
Sunday, July 24, 2016
07/24/2016 Bananas and Black Feathers
You know Satan my brother I'm liking my Uncle Kracker song "It Is What It Is." Trying not to come unglued. This Mother Fucking Google Chrome Demon Shit is Really pissing me off. Cuz that's all it is, right brother? At first I thought all this shit was because well truth be told I'm modest about sitting on that stool. That other porcelain God I've swore to a few times in my life. So fuck you Satan their is two thrones in my house and one of them is not going to be for you you sick son of a bitch.
You know Satan my brother yeah I found your sloth demons? The behaviors wow brother, so deceptive you are. So sneaky you son of a bitch. You put the focus on people lives falling apart all because of the drugs because well lets face it their lives go right down the toilet. What about the peoples lives who go down the toilet and they don't do illegal drugs? HHMMM brother seeing allot of sloth around this one. WTF literally dishes and garbage in this ones wake. Then her financial mess that she got us rigged into and she actually thought she was going to get me out so she could pull this shit on someone else? I think not.
I don't function without my music and between this demon bitch fucking with my food and my environment plus my service fuck you Satan. Then Google Chrome I'm so sick of them having their hand in every cookie jar. You think I don't know who you are behind the curtain of this corporation. I smell a rat. You know brother some how I always come in just under the line. Don't think I forget me asking "why am I in here?" The answer for your safety. So fuck you I'm done with the behavior of your demon shit I see in peoples behavior. Yeah I see you sitting in peoples minds, you put them in this sloth purgatory in our hearts, our minds our bodies. Whats the sign brother? Toilets!
Yeah you dumb shit mother fucker I figured it out a long time ago. My friend who said she saw a tidy bowl man going down the heater vent in my room one night. Oh God the worst one of all, forth grade who knew Satan some actual real food would of prevented all that havoc my mother put me through in my childhood, drinking her snake oil potions, even when I didn't need it. Truly brother that was a Top Ramen, Mac and Cheese time in our lives. My mother only cooked when she had a husband and well thank God for small favors. Overkill on the mushrooms and onions in everything. I hate them both however. I will take my onion liquefied in a recipe before I eat that shit. Slimy mushrooms, OOOO! as if. Black olives, look to fungusy to me brother.
The one argument with my mother in law when she just announced in front of some uncle I didn't even know that I can't poop. It wasn't even true and if it was it was none of his business. I said the day before in front of her and her aunt who was drinking Metamucil "that when I was a child way back then" and some how this mother fucking shit topic keeps coming back in my life. Demon shit you son of a bitch. Anything that makes anyone's life go down the toilet is you sloth. Mental illness even all this anxiety panic and fear when it is unjustified. Deflectors big time. Some have no manners and are rude even with the body functions. We all know that we all had a mother or grandmother or someone in society has taught these adults about manners in their past right brother? These ones are rude.
Beside the smell of Michael Satan and the spiral I saw in him what was the sign a really huge sign with Michael? Could it be a six foot one man stomping his feet and literally throwing a temper tantrum every time I tried to feed him? Especially his favorite, those organic fruit drinks I made every morning? First he threw a fit because it was green, then it was red. Now we both know Satan that "Mikey will eat anything I serve him."
Imagine my surprise after I saw that ten year old kid standing inside Michael? Michael actually told me his parents called him Myron? Do you know what else I saw in Michael that day he had his arms crossed and I could not move him? Two beings right behind that child one on the right side the right hand pointing to the West and the one one the left it's hand was pointed to the east. Do you know what else I saw in Michael Satan? I saw a rock and that is when I started to realize that we all have spiritual rocks inside us that connect us to the planet. It doesn't have to have the God label on it just a good heart isn't that right Satan? Some have big powerful rocks and others have lil magical rocks, isn't that right brother?
Well brother my rock is red. Kiley's is white and Alex's is green. I just need the yellow in my family. You know what else I have rediscovered? Don't some of these colors in the rainbow make black brother? I mean come on brother you know all those colors mixed together make all sorts of colors. Even black and well things are gonna get a lil black isn't it brother? It has nothing to do with the color of my skin does it brother. Just the colors I hold inside me. LMFAO when I read about the white buffalo calf? Then throw in a lil representation and here I stand. At first I noticed the baby white feathers, then the black feathers, then the white and the red and browns and whites.
Now Satan do you know what I found like two days ago? A black feather again. Their for awhile I was picking up pony O's all sorts of colors, then I came upon a whole bag of purples. Do you know why I started to wear them on my wrist in the first place? To hold my hair back. Next thing you know I wake up one morning with them laced up around my fingers. So there they stay.
Then yesterday a white feather and all because of me and all this technology bullshit not getting along so hot anymore I had to come back to the mother fucking library. A community place with the most used keyboards and mouses ever and then they are not even maintained. Seems the system that offers this service can't afford to maintain them. Imagine that.
I have been very hungry lately. After my coffee and my organic shake I had a bowl of cereal. Still hungry, so on the way out the door I grab a banana. I get to the next house and right there on the ground is feather number three. Another black feather. I should of known brother that I was getting ready for another dance. A tribal dance with a black feather and a banana. I was so pissed off at all this demon bullshit that you try to get us to pass along with each other just by accepting this demon bullshit behavior in the first place.
Standing at the intersection of 240th and 104th it starts again, me stretching and pointing my hands above my head to the sky. Moving my hands down in a sequence around me. This time with a black feather and a banana. I am so pissed off at the jobs I have lost over these mother fucking bananas literally. Got fired for having a banana on my cart when the break room is ten minutes away. I was just cornered in the bathroom by my current boss the evening before of giving favors for this interview. Like I had some kind of ulterior motive. He asked me to interview. Tammy mother fucking bitch. Jealousy and insecurity. How many times have I paid the price for this behavior and I didn't even know it. Oblivious more like it.
Then this demon bitch goes off about a banana of all things. Just reeling her in and putting her back in place till she backs down. Screaming "Karma is going to get me" Standing over me breathing in my ear. I did not move one lil finger and I just watched out of the corner of my eye as she lost it. As she throws my eggs and olive oil all around. Apparently she didn't like my truth. Nothing like watching a demon fall. Not one egg or olive oil hit me after her temper tantrum. Sure they swirled all around me and at my feet. Then she runs up on me "I'm going to destroy you." Yeah as if? This bitch just don't understand that Karma is all about Justice. Karma is about the injustice someone does to me. When it really is just a matter of principals and behavior. Integrity knowing the difference between right and wrong and letting someone else place their bullshit demon behavior and blame on me for their own actions. I mean really she can deal with the truth with me or her and her four kids things are going to end up on that sidewalk. Truth hurts right Satan?
So when I realized just what they wanted me to do in brood daylight I was so pissed off, I don't give a fuck. Who's gonna stop a native woman from shaking a feather and banana all the way down 240th and James Street all the way to the library. Besides it's Sunday not so many people out. Amazing how things just work out. I have had it with the war started over bananas and the curse mankind created with Aids and the monkeys? Cause and effect of our behaviors over the generations. We just keep reinventing the wheel with all this technology that creates all these filaments in my landfills. Paying for warranties so a cord may work for three years. Warranties written right in with the purchase and you have to show ID and hand over all your personal information to sign up for this warranty protection in all these lil clubs. I don't know about you but I remember when you could buy a cord for just a couple of bucks and it lasted for like twenty years. It was durable not these pussy lil filaments IC.
Then the toilet on the mound that I had to get initiated into my family upstairs. I remember when I came back to visit and I walked by I couldn't believe my eyes an actual toilet sitting on that mound. I knew it had something to do with brother red. Brothers have disgusting sense of humors don't they? They think all this shit is funny. Then the toilets exploding all around me. Even at the church of Zion. I called that church the 'Land of Zion" Some crazy shit happened in this house right brother? Who ends up down stairs in tights standing in that mess? Then the migraine throwing up all night in a Ziploc bag. Always someone in the bathroom in these houses. Then in the winter an actual bee is right where I am going to be. So I show it a lil compassion. Impressed it's still alive this time of year.
I had my gloves on, went to set it free outside and that lil mother fucker bit me three times on the middle finger. I drop kicked that bee out of the "Land Of Zion doors." Of course the lil blue house of lost mothers toilets are always backing up. I kept telling George "it is not what is on this end of the line that is clogging these toilets, it's whats up the line that is the cause." Makes me think if we really needed to cut down on all this water pressure in the toilets or is that just another cover up brother? Water shortage, we must all suffer and do our share, we must all do our part. Let's talk about what all these blow hard corporate owners are doing to my water across these nations brother? What is really in that septic system around North Bend brother?
Then lets not forget those those Walmart Closures and the excuse of plumbing repair but no papers were ever filed? What would those be make shift jails that you want us to think is for the enemy, but we both know better don't we brother? No Corporation should of ever been able to get away with the shit this one did. You can run a business but you don't shut down all these small businesses across my nations. I liked my personal pharmacist, I liked my small town feel in a big place. I don't have any issue with Corporations, it's the greed, the sloth on our lives that I have issue with. Now God Damn you this is my Nation not yours brother. My planet, my rock. That is right brother when I wrote in that poem I had no idea that when I wrote "this diamond that lay upon the palm of my hand that it meant this planet is my birthright not yours, you Son of a bitch.
All my life people have taken things from me including my mother in my childhood and I always handed it over, but not anymore I'm not. This planet is not free for the taking and neither is my flock you son of a bitch.
You know Satan my brother yeah I found your sloth demons? The behaviors wow brother, so deceptive you are. So sneaky you son of a bitch. You put the focus on people lives falling apart all because of the drugs because well lets face it their lives go right down the toilet. What about the peoples lives who go down the toilet and they don't do illegal drugs? HHMMM brother seeing allot of sloth around this one. WTF literally dishes and garbage in this ones wake. Then her financial mess that she got us rigged into and she actually thought she was going to get me out so she could pull this shit on someone else? I think not.
I don't function without my music and between this demon bitch fucking with my food and my environment plus my service fuck you Satan. Then Google Chrome I'm so sick of them having their hand in every cookie jar. You think I don't know who you are behind the curtain of this corporation. I smell a rat. You know brother some how I always come in just under the line. Don't think I forget me asking "why am I in here?" The answer for your safety. So fuck you I'm done with the behavior of your demon shit I see in peoples behavior. Yeah I see you sitting in peoples minds, you put them in this sloth purgatory in our hearts, our minds our bodies. Whats the sign brother? Toilets!
Yeah you dumb shit mother fucker I figured it out a long time ago. My friend who said she saw a tidy bowl man going down the heater vent in my room one night. Oh God the worst one of all, forth grade who knew Satan some actual real food would of prevented all that havoc my mother put me through in my childhood, drinking her snake oil potions, even when I didn't need it. Truly brother that was a Top Ramen, Mac and Cheese time in our lives. My mother only cooked when she had a husband and well thank God for small favors. Overkill on the mushrooms and onions in everything. I hate them both however. I will take my onion liquefied in a recipe before I eat that shit. Slimy mushrooms, OOOO! as if. Black olives, look to fungusy to me brother.
The one argument with my mother in law when she just announced in front of some uncle I didn't even know that I can't poop. It wasn't even true and if it was it was none of his business. I said the day before in front of her and her aunt who was drinking Metamucil "that when I was a child way back then" and some how this mother fucking shit topic keeps coming back in my life. Demon shit you son of a bitch. Anything that makes anyone's life go down the toilet is you sloth. Mental illness even all this anxiety panic and fear when it is unjustified. Deflectors big time. Some have no manners and are rude even with the body functions. We all know that we all had a mother or grandmother or someone in society has taught these adults about manners in their past right brother? These ones are rude.
Beside the smell of Michael Satan and the spiral I saw in him what was the sign a really huge sign with Michael? Could it be a six foot one man stomping his feet and literally throwing a temper tantrum every time I tried to feed him? Especially his favorite, those organic fruit drinks I made every morning? First he threw a fit because it was green, then it was red. Now we both know Satan that "Mikey will eat anything I serve him."
Imagine my surprise after I saw that ten year old kid standing inside Michael? Michael actually told me his parents called him Myron? Do you know what else I saw in Michael that day he had his arms crossed and I could not move him? Two beings right behind that child one on the right side the right hand pointing to the West and the one one the left it's hand was pointed to the east. Do you know what else I saw in Michael Satan? I saw a rock and that is when I started to realize that we all have spiritual rocks inside us that connect us to the planet. It doesn't have to have the God label on it just a good heart isn't that right Satan? Some have big powerful rocks and others have lil magical rocks, isn't that right brother?
Well brother my rock is red. Kiley's is white and Alex's is green. I just need the yellow in my family. You know what else I have rediscovered? Don't some of these colors in the rainbow make black brother? I mean come on brother you know all those colors mixed together make all sorts of colors. Even black and well things are gonna get a lil black isn't it brother? It has nothing to do with the color of my skin does it brother. Just the colors I hold inside me. LMFAO when I read about the white buffalo calf? Then throw in a lil representation and here I stand. At first I noticed the baby white feathers, then the black feathers, then the white and the red and browns and whites.
Now Satan do you know what I found like two days ago? A black feather again. Their for awhile I was picking up pony O's all sorts of colors, then I came upon a whole bag of purples. Do you know why I started to wear them on my wrist in the first place? To hold my hair back. Next thing you know I wake up one morning with them laced up around my fingers. So there they stay.
Then yesterday a white feather and all because of me and all this technology bullshit not getting along so hot anymore I had to come back to the mother fucking library. A community place with the most used keyboards and mouses ever and then they are not even maintained. Seems the system that offers this service can't afford to maintain them. Imagine that.
I have been very hungry lately. After my coffee and my organic shake I had a bowl of cereal. Still hungry, so on the way out the door I grab a banana. I get to the next house and right there on the ground is feather number three. Another black feather. I should of known brother that I was getting ready for another dance. A tribal dance with a black feather and a banana. I was so pissed off at all this demon bullshit that you try to get us to pass along with each other just by accepting this demon bullshit behavior in the first place.
Standing at the intersection of 240th and 104th it starts again, me stretching and pointing my hands above my head to the sky. Moving my hands down in a sequence around me. This time with a black feather and a banana. I am so pissed off at the jobs I have lost over these mother fucking bananas literally. Got fired for having a banana on my cart when the break room is ten minutes away. I was just cornered in the bathroom by my current boss the evening before of giving favors for this interview. Like I had some kind of ulterior motive. He asked me to interview. Tammy mother fucking bitch. Jealousy and insecurity. How many times have I paid the price for this behavior and I didn't even know it. Oblivious more like it.
Then this demon bitch goes off about a banana of all things. Just reeling her in and putting her back in place till she backs down. Screaming "Karma is going to get me" Standing over me breathing in my ear. I did not move one lil finger and I just watched out of the corner of my eye as she lost it. As she throws my eggs and olive oil all around. Apparently she didn't like my truth. Nothing like watching a demon fall. Not one egg or olive oil hit me after her temper tantrum. Sure they swirled all around me and at my feet. Then she runs up on me "I'm going to destroy you." Yeah as if? This bitch just don't understand that Karma is all about Justice. Karma is about the injustice someone does to me. When it really is just a matter of principals and behavior. Integrity knowing the difference between right and wrong and letting someone else place their bullshit demon behavior and blame on me for their own actions. I mean really she can deal with the truth with me or her and her four kids things are going to end up on that sidewalk. Truth hurts right Satan?
So when I realized just what they wanted me to do in brood daylight I was so pissed off, I don't give a fuck. Who's gonna stop a native woman from shaking a feather and banana all the way down 240th and James Street all the way to the library. Besides it's Sunday not so many people out. Amazing how things just work out. I have had it with the war started over bananas and the curse mankind created with Aids and the monkeys? Cause and effect of our behaviors over the generations. We just keep reinventing the wheel with all this technology that creates all these filaments in my landfills. Paying for warranties so a cord may work for three years. Warranties written right in with the purchase and you have to show ID and hand over all your personal information to sign up for this warranty protection in all these lil clubs. I don't know about you but I remember when you could buy a cord for just a couple of bucks and it lasted for like twenty years. It was durable not these pussy lil filaments IC.
Then the toilet on the mound that I had to get initiated into my family upstairs. I remember when I came back to visit and I walked by I couldn't believe my eyes an actual toilet sitting on that mound. I knew it had something to do with brother red. Brothers have disgusting sense of humors don't they? They think all this shit is funny. Then the toilets exploding all around me. Even at the church of Zion. I called that church the 'Land of Zion" Some crazy shit happened in this house right brother? Who ends up down stairs in tights standing in that mess? Then the migraine throwing up all night in a Ziploc bag. Always someone in the bathroom in these houses. Then in the winter an actual bee is right where I am going to be. So I show it a lil compassion. Impressed it's still alive this time of year.
I had my gloves on, went to set it free outside and that lil mother fucker bit me three times on the middle finger. I drop kicked that bee out of the "Land Of Zion doors." Of course the lil blue house of lost mothers toilets are always backing up. I kept telling George "it is not what is on this end of the line that is clogging these toilets, it's whats up the line that is the cause." Makes me think if we really needed to cut down on all this water pressure in the toilets or is that just another cover up brother? Water shortage, we must all suffer and do our share, we must all do our part. Let's talk about what all these blow hard corporate owners are doing to my water across these nations brother? What is really in that septic system around North Bend brother?
Then lets not forget those those Walmart Closures and the excuse of plumbing repair but no papers were ever filed? What would those be make shift jails that you want us to think is for the enemy, but we both know better don't we brother? No Corporation should of ever been able to get away with the shit this one did. You can run a business but you don't shut down all these small businesses across my nations. I liked my personal pharmacist, I liked my small town feel in a big place. I don't have any issue with Corporations, it's the greed, the sloth on our lives that I have issue with. Now God Damn you this is my Nation not yours brother. My planet, my rock. That is right brother when I wrote in that poem I had no idea that when I wrote "this diamond that lay upon the palm of my hand that it meant this planet is my birthright not yours, you Son of a bitch.
All my life people have taken things from me including my mother in my childhood and I always handed it over, but not anymore I'm not. This planet is not free for the taking and neither is my flock you son of a bitch.
Wednesday, July 20, 2016
My Sixes
Sixth day of tears that I don't cry no more
Six day blood moon
Damn blood moon anyways
Six year old character defect hanging over my head
Just can't get past this one
The sixes in the middle of my X'S S.S. number
Is he the Cain?
Did he try to disable me?
Oh no what do I see but another six right there on the end
Is he Cane or is he Achelous
Hard to tell sometimes I must say
Pretty deceptive this brother
This brother who never raised a hand to help me
Or did he
My Michael 08/17/1966
My Angel who carried me home
Six day blood moon
Damn blood moon anyways
Six year old character defect hanging over my head
Just can't get past this one
The sixes in the middle of my X'S S.S. number
Is he the Cain?
Did he try to disable me?
Oh no what do I see but another six right there on the end
Is he Cane or is he Achelous
Hard to tell sometimes I must say
Pretty deceptive this brother
This brother who never raised a hand to help me
Or did he
My Michael 08/17/1966
My Angel who carried me home
My Dogs
Oh I can't wait until I can stop writing about all this other shit that pisses me off brother just so I can get to my dogs. My dogs and my house brother. I release my dogs not you. Now Satan what is the little dogs job to do? "Its to let the big dogs know when someone is in the house."
07/20/2016 My Father, My Brother
Today for some reason I wore my white ripped up jeans
White wife beater tank top
My Universal vans
As usual my colors on my ass
Red White and Blue
Rainbow of colors on my wrist and hands,
Rainbow Sports bra
My family jewels around my neck
That lil red gift I carry close to my heart
Don't forget my family that came along
At just the right time
To show me I'm not alone
Had another emotional moment
Sometimes they just grab a hold of me
It seems always standing alone on an intersection I cry
I put my left hand on my heart
My right hand in the air
As they showed me pictures that my daddy didn't die
All alone in that convalescent home after all
He was surrounded by His Mother, His Father
All those Angels and Guides up that line
All those brothers and sisters he never even knew he had
Who knew my Father who drowned in that black swill
That Father with Wolf Disease
Who died with that elephant sitting on his chest
Who knew, My Father, My Brother
Those burdens he carried in his heavy heart was for me
He didn't die alone like me and my sister always thought
As I stood on that corner
I cried Alone with a heavy heart
White wife beater tank top
My Universal vans
As usual my colors on my ass
Red White and Blue
Rainbow of colors on my wrist and hands,
Rainbow Sports bra
My family jewels around my neck
That lil red gift I carry close to my heart
Don't forget my family that came along
At just the right time
To show me I'm not alone
Had another emotional moment
Sometimes they just grab a hold of me
It seems always standing alone on an intersection I cry
I put my left hand on my heart
My right hand in the air
As they showed me pictures that my daddy didn't die
All alone in that convalescent home after all
He was surrounded by His Mother, His Father
All those Angels and Guides up that line
All those brothers and sisters he never even knew he had
Who knew my Father who drowned in that black swill
That Father with Wolf Disease
Who died with that elephant sitting on his chest
Who knew, My Father, My Brother
Those burdens he carried in his heavy heart was for me
He didn't die alone like me and my sister always thought
As I stood on that corner
I cried Alone with a heavy heart
Tuesday, July 19, 2016
07/19/2016 My White Family Four Square
You know Satan as much as I have enjoyed walking along this, "Cement Paradise of Hell" walking through all these open doors through this system of lies you offer. With guidelines, limitations, disclaimers and parameters to get through these programs with all these great positive names. Truth be told all these programs are spread way to thin. Hardly anyone at these counters, while all these people sitting in these waiting rooms just trying to get a start in this system, while your staff all following State lunch and break times. While hungry women, children and families wait patiently for your scraps.
Yup that's right Satan you run these people from appointment to appointment on a bus system that I stood at every morning to get to that God Damn EBT class. To motivate me to get a job. Out of ten mornings that bus didn't show up six times. You have the same bus number going in two different directions. These street names change names like four times in just a small area. Now Satan with a system like this that stresses people out and runs them through a gauntlet of bullshit how are the mentally ill and physically disabled supposed to survive? You like that. You have all these guidelines and parameters that creates all this crime from people who are just trying to survive, trying to eat, trying to have a place to call home.
My list is long on how many appointments I went to in each program and no one showed up? I finally get excepted into a program and I come back to these appointments and people have transferred out. You are having people get A.A. degree for clerical jobs. Who collects on that Satan? Who collects the fee's for all these rehabs and mental healthcare systems? Who collects the fee's every times we go to court and get fined on shit you created in the first place? These court rooms and this whole Government system is a joke. Their is no justice anymore just more guidelines, rules and fines, all the while you take our focus away on the other issues you created in the first place?
Like transgender bathrooms. How about the locks you put on the doors at these offices where the very people go to take these classes and get help? You put a code on their door? WTF Satan. My instructor Eric said to me, "well Colleen they can't get ready here." I looked at Eric and said "then just where are they supposed to go? Do you think these men and women don't want to look nice themselves and have a place to brush their teeth? What about a shave Eric? Their is more security at these front doors then their needs to be. Hell Eric I had a huge big bear of a guy run up behind me and they see me here every morning. He didn't see my badge that said RISE"
"How does this even link up?" They can't use public bathrooms anymore without going to the library. Their only place of refuge from the weather. Their are no garbage's out here anymore like their used to be. So these homeless people take the blame. The riffraff in society that you created. All to take the fall so that when we herd up these people and create laws that homelessness is against the law, we arrest them.
More trespassing fines. More blame and more drain on societies resources. Food, shelter, healthcare that is set up to fail that gives you no choices, yet more parameters, guideline's of rules running, through a maze of doctors and appointments, running here and their, and no one is treating the physical pain. Just the mental, just the emotions. Fuck you both. My flock, my rock, my food, my water. Now fuck off both of you and get the fuck off my rock because I am coming for you and I know where you live. You remember the day I snorted that white powder and I hunted you down? I walked in and out the back door of all those businesses scanning faces then I walked to that yellow house behind where my second job was. I didn't even notice the black truck then because it was backed up to the garage, I put both fist in the air and I screamed "ICU." Now I didn't know you were the dishwasher that was following me around at the time but my family always fed me brother not you. You Son of a Bitch.
What about the set up in tent city in Seattle you son of a bitch? Like their isn't guns in every neighborhood today? Like their isn't drugs illegal or legal in every neighborhood today? Their neighborhoods are prettier right Satan? Crime is every where isn't that right? White collar and blue collar. Funny thing is it's the greedy son of a bitches at the top that our own laws and guidelines trying to get to these people protect today. One man in another State poisoned the water so his own constituents would be poisoned, and that Son of A Bitch is still in office. His ass should be in prison. You fucking E.T. You think I don't see you all over this?
So brother I finally make it through a program. After all these months gambling everyday to have a roof over my head. Truth be told Satan my days were numbered and still are. Aren't they brother? Always on someone else's timeline out here, isn't that right brother? Always under someone else's thumb aren't you? Always someone pulling the strings. Now Satan my brother I ask you this, how is any of this free? How are the parameters on these EBT cards that you have America so focused on, really able to feed these people for a month at all these deli's and gas station prices? You try not being able to get a cup of hot coffee? You can't buy hot food. You can't even eat hot food unless you hop on a bus and happen to get somewhere else far away.
What about these bus tickets you son of a bitch? Yeah I see these people just trying to get somewhere. They have to go to some office somewhere else or belong to another program which half the time you get their and they don't have any or they can only give you a couple. So these people sit in these offices for hours while that two hour ticket they hold in the palm of their hand expires. How the fuck are these people supposed to survive? You make them scrape and grovel don't you Satan?
These fucking Orca cards and all these misc. discount programs you have to sign up for? How many mother fucking times did I go to West Seattle and they didn't have a replacement card for me? You see it just happens to be the one card I got was defective. They didn't have any right there to replace it. They had to re-order from somewhere else and wait for it to be mailed. I originally got that card in Kent. The office I was supposed to report too. After that West Seattle every week slogging through the rain and cold. Finally get it filled and they say "you don't have to come back until next month to refill it. I look at the date and its three weeks away.
How are these people supposed to work or get to work if the help these people need is only during office hours? These gas vouchers, what a mother fucking joke. Twenty bucks for like what brother two years? They can't come back they have to find somewhere else to get a gas voucher and that is far and few right brother? I think maybe three in the area. Have to have valid I.D. everywhere you go. Now Satan how many times have I had to do this? Great thanks for that five dollar voucher. Now where do I get the five bucks? Another program another church another journey another sob story while they decide if I'm worthy, well fuck you Satan. How many times have I had to start over with that ID alone?
The scams on these credit and background checks just to get a place? You have no idea what I went through on this one? I put it in writing everything. I get a message to apply it seems I qualify to apply now. Thanks brother. So on the phone I ask again you do know it says I have two daughters? One's in College is mine and the other is about ready to fly away. She's with her father. Told no problem, apply. Just need forty five dollars for this program that is supposed to help you out in the first place. Another barrier huh Satan? I have no bus ticket so I walk for miles and miles to that church. At the time I could only get three a week. I stopped at a fire station to ask directions and get some water. Get the check from a church in Kent, walk all the way back.
I already filled out the eight page application so the next day I go to Issaquah to deliver it and no one is there I slip it through the door. I go down the street to wait for a bus for over an hour. It seems this bus stop isn't functioning anymore. Now why the fuck is the sign still up? You have no idea the rest of the shit I went through to get back only, Catholic Community Services transferred me to Federal Way and I just found out it's my first day tonight and I'm minimum six hours by bus. I'm out of town, I got a dead line to make. It's dark out and I have no idea where I am going, hell I can't even see out the window. I got 15 minutes on my cell phone. My other stuff is at the orphanage for lost mothers. Now I got a ten o clock dead line or I'm locked out and kicked out of the program. This just happened to another friend a couple nights before at the same church.
I'm in Issaquah doing what I'm supposed to do. I eventually make it to Bus 169 to Federal Way, to catch the A line up the road for more than a few miles. A red headed homeless man helped me out. He tried committing suicide a month ago, went to jail and he was out looking for his truck because tomorrow he goes back to work. I had to walk twelve blocks to the Good Shepherd Church. When I get their the lady at the door said "oh I wasn't expecting you until tomorrow." You know where all my shit was? Back at the other shelter where I could of slept. You know where my other bag was? At that lil blue day center. If you don't come back your stuff gets donated and when I called they weren't sure if they could hold it. All my mother fucking writing. Then imagine my surprise when I get a call back it seems I didn't qualify because of my girls, but to live their I have to have two kids in school not in college. So Satan about these scams on all these credit and background checks the church's and all the good people are donating our money to? I should of invested in one of these businesses long ago, you know buy bulk background checks at a price and charge the people individually at a higher rate. Set up all these restrictions based on a computer printout. You see Satan my girls are pretty clueless on just what their mother is doing out here in the first place right, but I'm not.
What about all these mothers sleeping in cars with their children? They have to change diapers and have room to feed them, cloth them and change them. Where the fuck are these fathers? Where are these peoples families? "Truth is these men and women don't want those family doors because things are really fucked up there too isn't it Satan?" These men and women are the strong ones aren't they Satan? These people with the backpack on their backs that they carry their life in are going to be more prepared when that storm hits because these people have learned to endure and walk through the pain everyday. These people are the survivors they are the old hands. I'll just bet you these people who are out here roamed many lands before this time didn't they brother? That is why when I refused to see my children for Christmas, my favorite holiday. I sat in that church full of people, all these hungry families coming together to break bread. I saw angel wings on these families backs.
Always right where I'm supposed to be right Satan? No matter how much it breaks my children's heart. "Truth be told Satan, their just ain't no going back now. Isn't that right brother?"I have to understand for now that it breaks their heart to even look at me. For now Satan, I just can't let any of that fear I see in my children's eyes take me down. I can't let their lil broken hearts take me down. Not right now anyways. As long as they are by their father I have to have faith that he will know just what to do. I have to have faith that when that time comes all those strange things I said to him will come back and he will understand. I have to have faith that regardless of the blood and essence that flows through my veins, that underneath all these Angels and Guides I am only human after all. That I am a mother and if everything I have ever said to him was just a mother trying to get a message through to protect my children. Every last one of them then so be it. They showed me already brother that something very huge and dark is going to come right for them. Every last one of them, then go ahead and fault me. Truth be told you can't fault a mothers love for her children can you brother? I know why I released that essence all over that land?
The imprints of my essence to attract that beast to me not my children, isn't that right brother? What mother wouldn't let her brother take over to save her children? Particularly that day on the gold mound that I had to wash my whole body with river water. It had all the colors and flower petals from mother nature. I had to paint my pretty toes and fingers green. I had to brush my teeth with it. I had to drink some of it. Then I laid down facing east and well lets just say I thought I was going to take a nap, but well my brother had other plans for me it seems. Two times for the Mount Si Lions. My red's, my lions, my mountain. Mt. Si Pride.
Then later that day I had to give to the bears. I walked over by where I stood at the crossroads with that mother bear. I laid down in a round flat area of grass surrounded by stickers and well lets say I had to give one to the bears. The greens in my family. Those rocks I walked by at Cadman's Rock Quarry and I put both fist in the air. "I screamed, this is about Alex. These rocks are about Alex." You know what I learned since then Satan? I have eleven ADHD ROCKS. Don't you forget my number 17. The one who took those physical fights with her sister her whole life. The ones who's heart inside broke, because even she didn't understand why her sister was so angry with her all the time? My light, you Son of Bitch. I have learned Satan that the ones who's names start with K are the Queen's to that King and don't you ever forget it.
Alex my Angel my rock. You know what I found walking in out of these church doors and shops? I found in the Catholic store a St. Greg. As much as I'm going to tear this Catholic church down soon enough, I found who he is to me and my children and don't you forget it. If I'm an Indigo Mother well brother that makes that Daddy who works those three gardens a Indigo Daddy and don't you forget it.
Now let's get to the letter C. I believe this time around it stands for Christ daughter. Yeah Satan it's finally nice having free time on a computer to actually let my families fingers do the walking and just show me where to go. My Father is a nine, a Virgo, you remember that Irish Jack who couldn't put down that bottle? They keep showing me he didn't die alone after all that he was surrounded by kings, his mother and father. Every time they show me this they let me know who that sweet Jack really is and burdens he carried for me. They show me everyday my brother and my father on that front line.. Well the other nine you Son of a Bitch would be that brother of mine upstairs is a Libra just like my children's father. What is that a birth sign of but none other than balance and don't you forget it. I'm just going to let that pendulum swing. I'm going to let that sink in. Come on brother the clock is ticking.
Wow brother I have learned so much about my family. I mean take a look at my lil Capricorn? In her astrological sign it says 76. What did I hear that I have two more and where did I send you, but to nine layers of hell, three times over to infinity and beyond. All in between forevermore. You know what Satan, I don't feel bad about it not one God Damned bit. As scary as the stuff my family shows me and walks me through sometimes, it's nice to have things to look back on and finally understand just why I did what I did in my life, especially this last year.
My number 17, my Angel, my light. Don't you underestimate this one. I have figured out just who she is and who she represents. She don't need no markings does she brother? It's her aura her scent you want and well Satan I'm here to tell you, I think not. Somehow someway I'll get my message through to these yellow bellied pussy brothers of mine. What happened in that vision I had with my unborn daughter? I walked up to the beach and just up ahead MY X is sitting on a rock with my two year old daughter on the ocean shore. I was so angry he was there. Just then a purple triangle appeared off to my right, it exploded and a white four square appeared right there on the beach. I came out and I asked "what does that mean?" Your going from a family of three, to a family of four was her reply. Like I didn't know that, I was like eight months pregnant already. "I asked, is their a manual for this stuff? You know the colors and shapes and what they mean? Nope.
The earlier vision was of me walking around you Satan sitting in a circle of evergreen tree's. I was told I was not ready. Well brother you have no idea, right Satan? What did I do Satan, I let it go. I forgot about it. Then after when we were about ready to close up Kiley came through it seemed she had something to ask me? When do I want her to come? She told me to pick a day any day. I said "no you pick." She knew I was tired and she was asking me, my unborn daughter knew how tired I was inside. She knew all along what was coming up. I told her "I can hold out, you just come when you are ready." So fuck you Satan I don't give a fuck who's purgatory I sit in. I heard when this started that my children are doing so good because their mother is out here.
What was Kiley like four years old when she came up to me doing the Keanu Reeves move? The one where he calls his enemy step forward with a wave and a squat. She walks up to me does this move, she opens the palm of her hand and in her palm are batteries. I look at her and I ask "whats this?" She said "you know mommy they are just running on batteries" I looked at her and I chuckled, "your four and that is what you got from that whole movie? She smiles "yes mommy, that's what I got." Nothing like getting to the heart of the matter at only four years old, right brother?
Oh you have no idea the other strange things that came out of her mouth always a straight shooter that one. Right to the heart. She was five. Alex was seven and we were making cupcakes. I finally got Greg out of the house. Alex is bouncing all over searching for things including the top of the fridge, with all these wonderful grandiose ideas of just how we are going to make these cupcakes. I remember thinking, "why can't we just make cupcakes?" I was smiling. Kiley looks at me and she says "mommy your so sad inside." I took off running to the den so I could cry alone. That never worked not with these two anyways. For the longest time where ever I went they followed too along with my four lil dogs.
You see Satan just what is it I did for discipline when these two fought? I'd set the timer if one was three and the other five they had to hug for four minutes until that timer went off. Yup Satan I made these two angels, stand heart to heart to solve a problem. If they fell down giggling they had to get back up and hug until the timer went off and they never made it.
I have learned that their is a half to each heart. These are my two. That half keeps growing to some one else. Their is always two more. Two more Mothers and two more Fathers that go way back. They used to both ask me "mommy which one do you love the most? I always answered, I love you both the same just in different ways, because you are two different people." You see Satan for the longest time I saw the gifts in my children, I just didn't see it in myself.
Lets go back to those night terrors with this one you Son of a Bitch? Yes of course they took me back to these night terrors this child had brother. What happened since these started? Her left arm around my shoulder her right arm extended out behind me and she would scream mommy. I always held her and cried too, I'm right here. I'm right here." She couldn't hear me or feel me could she Satan? It was like I wasn't even there. Why is this one so afraid for her mother at such a young age?"
Satan one mother on the ground and two crazy ass red heads upstairs. How many mothers is that you Son of a Bitch? Three. Don't forget about my other red headed sister brother. Her name Stacy Gleason. Childhood friend died at the age of seventeen. Just like my brother. She to flew through a window like my brother did didn't she. What was her birthday brother, 11/17/1967, Funny I just found that out a couple weeks ago. Dates I'm not very good at dates.
My crazy ass mother and my sister on this ground. You don't want none of that. Hell brother I don't want none of that. Remember brother I have discovered what one half of a whole really means in this family. My family agreed to this because we can and well if I can, I do and that is just the way it is and their ain't nothing you can do about it.
I haven't even got to my vision begging God for Michael's life. No one said, I had to step away just yet. I just have to be willing to let him go. I have learned that together or apart I never let Michael go. He needs to learn this. Michael needs to learn to have faith in himself and to feed himself. He told me when I got on the bus one day to leave him, it was like an arrow right to the heart, when he realized what all I did and gave up for him. Even if I had to look Crazy. It's true what they say it started with Michael in this family or did it? We may never know and that is alright with me.
What is really pissing me off right now Satan is that after all those nights watching those women. Not one time was my goal to get them kicked out. It just turns out well things just have a way of working out. I hope you like irony brother because here I am doing a sit in with a demon sitting on this mothers head. Dodging eggs and olive oil as she falls apart and not one egg olive oil or object lands on me. She knows Damn well I ain't leaving that house until she is out. She is not getting rid of me so easy. This Sloth Demon is not doing this to someone else. This one is so delusional she just thinks she is re renting these rooms to someone else, for her lil scam. The owner of this house is trying to get married and he has been sunk by her too. So know I'm not leaving until that man gets his keys back to this house. In the mean time they are just teaching me to wrangle this demon in. In the end if she listens and leaves before the Sheriff shows up her and her four children's stuff won't be lost forever. In the mean time I wait as the internet is turned off, the water and the electric. Just waiting on the owner of this house to give the signal, that's all.
Then I go to the next adventure at the next house and see what I can wrangle up. Oh Satan I haven't quite gotten to that character defect that I just can't seem to get past out here. It seems shoplifting alcohol after I started drinking is labeled as a misdemeanor, but treated as a felony. By these corporate jobs and these tenant landlord background checks. You see my lawyer told me three years ago "Colleen its a misdemeanor, you should have no problem with this." I can't live anywhere with my name on a lease." This place was supposed to be my time to rest up and every fucking day something happens." All I wanted was to plant myself and write. Just to be free free to be me if only for just a lil while without all the riffraff. I want my children to let me speak without scaring them. I can't even get a meeting without all these guidelines and parameters.
Talking about rocks mother nature, the planets and the heavens are all connected. I am literally told "don't speak mom." We don't want to know, no matter how beautiful the story. They don't understand that this mother stands in her own garden." I was told that Greg can't eat until Ahmed feeds him and I don't know who Ahmed is. Do you brother? I haven't even gotten to what Satan my brother is going to do with all these food warehouses and food trucks when this goes down have I, Satan my brother?
t
Yup that's right Satan you run these people from appointment to appointment on a bus system that I stood at every morning to get to that God Damn EBT class. To motivate me to get a job. Out of ten mornings that bus didn't show up six times. You have the same bus number going in two different directions. These street names change names like four times in just a small area. Now Satan with a system like this that stresses people out and runs them through a gauntlet of bullshit how are the mentally ill and physically disabled supposed to survive? You like that. You have all these guidelines and parameters that creates all this crime from people who are just trying to survive, trying to eat, trying to have a place to call home.
My list is long on how many appointments I went to in each program and no one showed up? I finally get excepted into a program and I come back to these appointments and people have transferred out. You are having people get A.A. degree for clerical jobs. Who collects on that Satan? Who collects the fee's for all these rehabs and mental healthcare systems? Who collects the fee's every times we go to court and get fined on shit you created in the first place? These court rooms and this whole Government system is a joke. Their is no justice anymore just more guidelines, rules and fines, all the while you take our focus away on the other issues you created in the first place?
Like transgender bathrooms. How about the locks you put on the doors at these offices where the very people go to take these classes and get help? You put a code on their door? WTF Satan. My instructor Eric said to me, "well Colleen they can't get ready here." I looked at Eric and said "then just where are they supposed to go? Do you think these men and women don't want to look nice themselves and have a place to brush their teeth? What about a shave Eric? Their is more security at these front doors then their needs to be. Hell Eric I had a huge big bear of a guy run up behind me and they see me here every morning. He didn't see my badge that said RISE"
"How does this even link up?" They can't use public bathrooms anymore without going to the library. Their only place of refuge from the weather. Their are no garbage's out here anymore like their used to be. So these homeless people take the blame. The riffraff in society that you created. All to take the fall so that when we herd up these people and create laws that homelessness is against the law, we arrest them.
More trespassing fines. More blame and more drain on societies resources. Food, shelter, healthcare that is set up to fail that gives you no choices, yet more parameters, guideline's of rules running, through a maze of doctors and appointments, running here and their, and no one is treating the physical pain. Just the mental, just the emotions. Fuck you both. My flock, my rock, my food, my water. Now fuck off both of you and get the fuck off my rock because I am coming for you and I know where you live. You remember the day I snorted that white powder and I hunted you down? I walked in and out the back door of all those businesses scanning faces then I walked to that yellow house behind where my second job was. I didn't even notice the black truck then because it was backed up to the garage, I put both fist in the air and I screamed "ICU." Now I didn't know you were the dishwasher that was following me around at the time but my family always fed me brother not you. You Son of a Bitch.
What about the set up in tent city in Seattle you son of a bitch? Like their isn't guns in every neighborhood today? Like their isn't drugs illegal or legal in every neighborhood today? Their neighborhoods are prettier right Satan? Crime is every where isn't that right? White collar and blue collar. Funny thing is it's the greedy son of a bitches at the top that our own laws and guidelines trying to get to these people protect today. One man in another State poisoned the water so his own constituents would be poisoned, and that Son of A Bitch is still in office. His ass should be in prison. You fucking E.T. You think I don't see you all over this?
So brother I finally make it through a program. After all these months gambling everyday to have a roof over my head. Truth be told Satan my days were numbered and still are. Aren't they brother? Always on someone else's timeline out here, isn't that right brother? Always under someone else's thumb aren't you? Always someone pulling the strings. Now Satan my brother I ask you this, how is any of this free? How are the parameters on these EBT cards that you have America so focused on, really able to feed these people for a month at all these deli's and gas station prices? You try not being able to get a cup of hot coffee? You can't buy hot food. You can't even eat hot food unless you hop on a bus and happen to get somewhere else far away.
What about these bus tickets you son of a bitch? Yeah I see these people just trying to get somewhere. They have to go to some office somewhere else or belong to another program which half the time you get their and they don't have any or they can only give you a couple. So these people sit in these offices for hours while that two hour ticket they hold in the palm of their hand expires. How the fuck are these people supposed to survive? You make them scrape and grovel don't you Satan?
These fucking Orca cards and all these misc. discount programs you have to sign up for? How many mother fucking times did I go to West Seattle and they didn't have a replacement card for me? You see it just happens to be the one card I got was defective. They didn't have any right there to replace it. They had to re-order from somewhere else and wait for it to be mailed. I originally got that card in Kent. The office I was supposed to report too. After that West Seattle every week slogging through the rain and cold. Finally get it filled and they say "you don't have to come back until next month to refill it. I look at the date and its three weeks away.
How are these people supposed to work or get to work if the help these people need is only during office hours? These gas vouchers, what a mother fucking joke. Twenty bucks for like what brother two years? They can't come back they have to find somewhere else to get a gas voucher and that is far and few right brother? I think maybe three in the area. Have to have valid I.D. everywhere you go. Now Satan how many times have I had to do this? Great thanks for that five dollar voucher. Now where do I get the five bucks? Another program another church another journey another sob story while they decide if I'm worthy, well fuck you Satan. How many times have I had to start over with that ID alone?
The scams on these credit and background checks just to get a place? You have no idea what I went through on this one? I put it in writing everything. I get a message to apply it seems I qualify to apply now. Thanks brother. So on the phone I ask again you do know it says I have two daughters? One's in College is mine and the other is about ready to fly away. She's with her father. Told no problem, apply. Just need forty five dollars for this program that is supposed to help you out in the first place. Another barrier huh Satan? I have no bus ticket so I walk for miles and miles to that church. At the time I could only get three a week. I stopped at a fire station to ask directions and get some water. Get the check from a church in Kent, walk all the way back.
I already filled out the eight page application so the next day I go to Issaquah to deliver it and no one is there I slip it through the door. I go down the street to wait for a bus for over an hour. It seems this bus stop isn't functioning anymore. Now why the fuck is the sign still up? You have no idea the rest of the shit I went through to get back only, Catholic Community Services transferred me to Federal Way and I just found out it's my first day tonight and I'm minimum six hours by bus. I'm out of town, I got a dead line to make. It's dark out and I have no idea where I am going, hell I can't even see out the window. I got 15 minutes on my cell phone. My other stuff is at the orphanage for lost mothers. Now I got a ten o clock dead line or I'm locked out and kicked out of the program. This just happened to another friend a couple nights before at the same church.
I'm in Issaquah doing what I'm supposed to do. I eventually make it to Bus 169 to Federal Way, to catch the A line up the road for more than a few miles. A red headed homeless man helped me out. He tried committing suicide a month ago, went to jail and he was out looking for his truck because tomorrow he goes back to work. I had to walk twelve blocks to the Good Shepherd Church. When I get their the lady at the door said "oh I wasn't expecting you until tomorrow." You know where all my shit was? Back at the other shelter where I could of slept. You know where my other bag was? At that lil blue day center. If you don't come back your stuff gets donated and when I called they weren't sure if they could hold it. All my mother fucking writing. Then imagine my surprise when I get a call back it seems I didn't qualify because of my girls, but to live their I have to have two kids in school not in college. So Satan about these scams on all these credit and background checks the church's and all the good people are donating our money to? I should of invested in one of these businesses long ago, you know buy bulk background checks at a price and charge the people individually at a higher rate. Set up all these restrictions based on a computer printout. You see Satan my girls are pretty clueless on just what their mother is doing out here in the first place right, but I'm not.
What about all these mothers sleeping in cars with their children? They have to change diapers and have room to feed them, cloth them and change them. Where the fuck are these fathers? Where are these peoples families? "Truth is these men and women don't want those family doors because things are really fucked up there too isn't it Satan?" These men and women are the strong ones aren't they Satan? These people with the backpack on their backs that they carry their life in are going to be more prepared when that storm hits because these people have learned to endure and walk through the pain everyday. These people are the survivors they are the old hands. I'll just bet you these people who are out here roamed many lands before this time didn't they brother? That is why when I refused to see my children for Christmas, my favorite holiday. I sat in that church full of people, all these hungry families coming together to break bread. I saw angel wings on these families backs.
Always right where I'm supposed to be right Satan? No matter how much it breaks my children's heart. "Truth be told Satan, their just ain't no going back now. Isn't that right brother?"I have to understand for now that it breaks their heart to even look at me. For now Satan, I just can't let any of that fear I see in my children's eyes take me down. I can't let their lil broken hearts take me down. Not right now anyways. As long as they are by their father I have to have faith that he will know just what to do. I have to have faith that when that time comes all those strange things I said to him will come back and he will understand. I have to have faith that regardless of the blood and essence that flows through my veins, that underneath all these Angels and Guides I am only human after all. That I am a mother and if everything I have ever said to him was just a mother trying to get a message through to protect my children. Every last one of them then so be it. They showed me already brother that something very huge and dark is going to come right for them. Every last one of them, then go ahead and fault me. Truth be told you can't fault a mothers love for her children can you brother? I know why I released that essence all over that land?
The imprints of my essence to attract that beast to me not my children, isn't that right brother? What mother wouldn't let her brother take over to save her children? Particularly that day on the gold mound that I had to wash my whole body with river water. It had all the colors and flower petals from mother nature. I had to paint my pretty toes and fingers green. I had to brush my teeth with it. I had to drink some of it. Then I laid down facing east and well lets just say I thought I was going to take a nap, but well my brother had other plans for me it seems. Two times for the Mount Si Lions. My red's, my lions, my mountain. Mt. Si Pride.
Then later that day I had to give to the bears. I walked over by where I stood at the crossroads with that mother bear. I laid down in a round flat area of grass surrounded by stickers and well lets say I had to give one to the bears. The greens in my family. Those rocks I walked by at Cadman's Rock Quarry and I put both fist in the air. "I screamed, this is about Alex. These rocks are about Alex." You know what I learned since then Satan? I have eleven ADHD ROCKS. Don't you forget my number 17. The one who took those physical fights with her sister her whole life. The ones who's heart inside broke, because even she didn't understand why her sister was so angry with her all the time? My light, you Son of Bitch. I have learned Satan that the ones who's names start with K are the Queen's to that King and don't you ever forget it.
Alex my Angel my rock. You know what I found walking in out of these church doors and shops? I found in the Catholic store a St. Greg. As much as I'm going to tear this Catholic church down soon enough, I found who he is to me and my children and don't you forget it. If I'm an Indigo Mother well brother that makes that Daddy who works those three gardens a Indigo Daddy and don't you forget it.
Now let's get to the letter C. I believe this time around it stands for Christ daughter. Yeah Satan it's finally nice having free time on a computer to actually let my families fingers do the walking and just show me where to go. My Father is a nine, a Virgo, you remember that Irish Jack who couldn't put down that bottle? They keep showing me he didn't die alone after all that he was surrounded by kings, his mother and father. Every time they show me this they let me know who that sweet Jack really is and burdens he carried for me. They show me everyday my brother and my father on that front line.. Well the other nine you Son of a Bitch would be that brother of mine upstairs is a Libra just like my children's father. What is that a birth sign of but none other than balance and don't you forget it. I'm just going to let that pendulum swing. I'm going to let that sink in. Come on brother the clock is ticking.
Wow brother I have learned so much about my family. I mean take a look at my lil Capricorn? In her astrological sign it says 76. What did I hear that I have two more and where did I send you, but to nine layers of hell, three times over to infinity and beyond. All in between forevermore. You know what Satan, I don't feel bad about it not one God Damned bit. As scary as the stuff my family shows me and walks me through sometimes, it's nice to have things to look back on and finally understand just why I did what I did in my life, especially this last year.
My number 17, my Angel, my light. Don't you underestimate this one. I have figured out just who she is and who she represents. She don't need no markings does she brother? It's her aura her scent you want and well Satan I'm here to tell you, I think not. Somehow someway I'll get my message through to these yellow bellied pussy brothers of mine. What happened in that vision I had with my unborn daughter? I walked up to the beach and just up ahead MY X is sitting on a rock with my two year old daughter on the ocean shore. I was so angry he was there. Just then a purple triangle appeared off to my right, it exploded and a white four square appeared right there on the beach. I came out and I asked "what does that mean?" Your going from a family of three, to a family of four was her reply. Like I didn't know that, I was like eight months pregnant already. "I asked, is their a manual for this stuff? You know the colors and shapes and what they mean? Nope.
The earlier vision was of me walking around you Satan sitting in a circle of evergreen tree's. I was told I was not ready. Well brother you have no idea, right Satan? What did I do Satan, I let it go. I forgot about it. Then after when we were about ready to close up Kiley came through it seemed she had something to ask me? When do I want her to come? She told me to pick a day any day. I said "no you pick." She knew I was tired and she was asking me, my unborn daughter knew how tired I was inside. She knew all along what was coming up. I told her "I can hold out, you just come when you are ready." So fuck you Satan I don't give a fuck who's purgatory I sit in. I heard when this started that my children are doing so good because their mother is out here.
What was Kiley like four years old when she came up to me doing the Keanu Reeves move? The one where he calls his enemy step forward with a wave and a squat. She walks up to me does this move, she opens the palm of her hand and in her palm are batteries. I look at her and I ask "whats this?" She said "you know mommy they are just running on batteries" I looked at her and I chuckled, "your four and that is what you got from that whole movie? She smiles "yes mommy, that's what I got." Nothing like getting to the heart of the matter at only four years old, right brother?
Oh you have no idea the other strange things that came out of her mouth always a straight shooter that one. Right to the heart. She was five. Alex was seven and we were making cupcakes. I finally got Greg out of the house. Alex is bouncing all over searching for things including the top of the fridge, with all these wonderful grandiose ideas of just how we are going to make these cupcakes. I remember thinking, "why can't we just make cupcakes?" I was smiling. Kiley looks at me and she says "mommy your so sad inside." I took off running to the den so I could cry alone. That never worked not with these two anyways. For the longest time where ever I went they followed too along with my four lil dogs.
You see Satan just what is it I did for discipline when these two fought? I'd set the timer if one was three and the other five they had to hug for four minutes until that timer went off. Yup Satan I made these two angels, stand heart to heart to solve a problem. If they fell down giggling they had to get back up and hug until the timer went off and they never made it.
I have learned that their is a half to each heart. These are my two. That half keeps growing to some one else. Their is always two more. Two more Mothers and two more Fathers that go way back. They used to both ask me "mommy which one do you love the most? I always answered, I love you both the same just in different ways, because you are two different people." You see Satan for the longest time I saw the gifts in my children, I just didn't see it in myself.
Lets go back to those night terrors with this one you Son of a Bitch? Yes of course they took me back to these night terrors this child had brother. What happened since these started? Her left arm around my shoulder her right arm extended out behind me and she would scream mommy. I always held her and cried too, I'm right here. I'm right here." She couldn't hear me or feel me could she Satan? It was like I wasn't even there. Why is this one so afraid for her mother at such a young age?"
Satan one mother on the ground and two crazy ass red heads upstairs. How many mothers is that you Son of a Bitch? Three. Don't forget about my other red headed sister brother. Her name Stacy Gleason. Childhood friend died at the age of seventeen. Just like my brother. She to flew through a window like my brother did didn't she. What was her birthday brother, 11/17/1967, Funny I just found that out a couple weeks ago. Dates I'm not very good at dates.
My crazy ass mother and my sister on this ground. You don't want none of that. Hell brother I don't want none of that. Remember brother I have discovered what one half of a whole really means in this family. My family agreed to this because we can and well if I can, I do and that is just the way it is and their ain't nothing you can do about it.
I haven't even got to my vision begging God for Michael's life. No one said, I had to step away just yet. I just have to be willing to let him go. I have learned that together or apart I never let Michael go. He needs to learn this. Michael needs to learn to have faith in himself and to feed himself. He told me when I got on the bus one day to leave him, it was like an arrow right to the heart, when he realized what all I did and gave up for him. Even if I had to look Crazy. It's true what they say it started with Michael in this family or did it? We may never know and that is alright with me.
What is really pissing me off right now Satan is that after all those nights watching those women. Not one time was my goal to get them kicked out. It just turns out well things just have a way of working out. I hope you like irony brother because here I am doing a sit in with a demon sitting on this mothers head. Dodging eggs and olive oil as she falls apart and not one egg olive oil or object lands on me. She knows Damn well I ain't leaving that house until she is out. She is not getting rid of me so easy. This Sloth Demon is not doing this to someone else. This one is so delusional she just thinks she is re renting these rooms to someone else, for her lil scam. The owner of this house is trying to get married and he has been sunk by her too. So know I'm not leaving until that man gets his keys back to this house. In the mean time they are just teaching me to wrangle this demon in. In the end if she listens and leaves before the Sheriff shows up her and her four children's stuff won't be lost forever. In the mean time I wait as the internet is turned off, the water and the electric. Just waiting on the owner of this house to give the signal, that's all.
Then I go to the next adventure at the next house and see what I can wrangle up. Oh Satan I haven't quite gotten to that character defect that I just can't seem to get past out here. It seems shoplifting alcohol after I started drinking is labeled as a misdemeanor, but treated as a felony. By these corporate jobs and these tenant landlord background checks. You see my lawyer told me three years ago "Colleen its a misdemeanor, you should have no problem with this." I can't live anywhere with my name on a lease." This place was supposed to be my time to rest up and every fucking day something happens." All I wanted was to plant myself and write. Just to be free free to be me if only for just a lil while without all the riffraff. I want my children to let me speak without scaring them. I can't even get a meeting without all these guidelines and parameters.
Talking about rocks mother nature, the planets and the heavens are all connected. I am literally told "don't speak mom." We don't want to know, no matter how beautiful the story. They don't understand that this mother stands in her own garden." I was told that Greg can't eat until Ahmed feeds him and I don't know who Ahmed is. Do you brother? I haven't even gotten to what Satan my brother is going to do with all these food warehouses and food trucks when this goes down have I, Satan my brother?
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Monday, July 18, 2016
07/18/2016 New Garden
You know what else I figured out from that scene standing in the my ex's Zen garden? That the father of my two daughters not only has two gardens, he has three. Two fruit and vegetable and a Zen garden right up front. Good eating in this brothers garden. What did I eat out of it twice? I could only take what was freely given and well mother nature is free right? Now brother I had never taken and just eaten a raw red beet in my life, but it sure was good. I'm sure I looked a fright with all that red stain running down my mouth and hands. Don't forget the three lil strawberries and seven large ones. Then the second time what was it? Seven lil Tomato's and three bigger ones.
You know what else I learned about brother X. He is a bee keeper now. Well since it's not about the gold coin at that end of that rainbow anymore, but the honey. Brother X's birthday is 10/12/1967. His initials are GAP and it is this brother who is balance and it is this brother who is the missing link that IC at these corporations trying to serve the customers. Now brother I have learned since then that ants and bees are related. I have been bitten by anything and everything my whole life. It seems my blood has been feeding mother nature all along.
I remember screaming at him, "your only begotten son, and you didn't even care." I had no idea how I could survive another pregnancy with now two children who were basically twins, but I just excepted that I would be stuck in a nursery once again, and my children would have to wait for their mother to pull off another miracle that I wanted to enjoy but I had no energy for?
I was going to name this one "Elijah Todd." I had no idea how I knew it was a boy. I wasn't even aware that it was my brother I carried inside me. Looking back in that garden their is one thing I that finally dawned on me, that was I am the mother of "his only begotten son but brother X is the Father too." Now I already clued in a lil while ago that Greg represents Cane and I'm Abel. It was this brothers job to try and destroy me. Only to learn what is really happening out here so our children will never repeat history ever again. It is these children who saw the mother and father fall. They had to be here to see it. To feel the loss inside. Innocent victims in every war right brother? Well brother I remember another prayer I said standing in the kitchen one day. It went something like this, "so I don't need healthy love. I have never had it, not from my mother or this father anyways." "I said to God, I don't need love. I never had it and well I accept I never will, but just let him love this mother through his children." So you see brother I already put it out there. My wishes, my tears, my prayers and they understood.
My only hope today is that he understands just what it is I'm saying. Even if I got taken back to another garden I knew nothing much about, it's a new garden, a new time. Out with the old and in with the new brother. No more poison, no more lies, no more empty hearts across each nation. That is the Truth. I finally watched Eden's Garden yesterday on you tube and their sat all my twelves going back through time. All those spiritual entities that are the good ones all across each generation and land. That battery going up my spine so long ago. It was the ying and the yang. It was the light in the dark. As long as you have a moon you have light in the dark. As long as you have the sun you have light by day and all the good that goes with the sun, that not only nourishes us but this planet. FUCK YOU SATAN. MY FAMILY, MY ROCK, MY SUN, MY MOON and well all these twinkling lil stars are mine to keep too.
I was told early on that Kiley my number 17 is going to marry a twin and that she knows him. You know what that pregnancy and miscarriage were all about? I knew by the timing of this pregnancy that this was Kiley Rae's Irish twin. My brother is her twin. See how this family keeps interlinking and crossing paths for a reason and no one ever had a clue. Especially me.
Now Satan my brother, do you remember the part where I said "brother doesn't lie with brother?"
No one ever said anything about "brother doesn't lie with sister." Now Satan, my family rocks. Now get the fuck off my rock. Make that a double on the rocks, with both your heads sitting on top of those flag poles.
You know what else I learned about brother X. He is a bee keeper now. Well since it's not about the gold coin at that end of that rainbow anymore, but the honey. Brother X's birthday is 10/12/1967. His initials are GAP and it is this brother who is balance and it is this brother who is the missing link that IC at these corporations trying to serve the customers. Now brother I have learned since then that ants and bees are related. I have been bitten by anything and everything my whole life. It seems my blood has been feeding mother nature all along.
I remember screaming at him, "your only begotten son, and you didn't even care." I had no idea how I could survive another pregnancy with now two children who were basically twins, but I just excepted that I would be stuck in a nursery once again, and my children would have to wait for their mother to pull off another miracle that I wanted to enjoy but I had no energy for?
I was going to name this one "Elijah Todd." I had no idea how I knew it was a boy. I wasn't even aware that it was my brother I carried inside me. Looking back in that garden their is one thing I that finally dawned on me, that was I am the mother of "his only begotten son but brother X is the Father too." Now I already clued in a lil while ago that Greg represents Cane and I'm Abel. It was this brothers job to try and destroy me. Only to learn what is really happening out here so our children will never repeat history ever again. It is these children who saw the mother and father fall. They had to be here to see it. To feel the loss inside. Innocent victims in every war right brother? Well brother I remember another prayer I said standing in the kitchen one day. It went something like this, "so I don't need healthy love. I have never had it, not from my mother or this father anyways." "I said to God, I don't need love. I never had it and well I accept I never will, but just let him love this mother through his children." So you see brother I already put it out there. My wishes, my tears, my prayers and they understood.
My only hope today is that he understands just what it is I'm saying. Even if I got taken back to another garden I knew nothing much about, it's a new garden, a new time. Out with the old and in with the new brother. No more poison, no more lies, no more empty hearts across each nation. That is the Truth. I finally watched Eden's Garden yesterday on you tube and their sat all my twelves going back through time. All those spiritual entities that are the good ones all across each generation and land. That battery going up my spine so long ago. It was the ying and the yang. It was the light in the dark. As long as you have a moon you have light in the dark. As long as you have the sun you have light by day and all the good that goes with the sun, that not only nourishes us but this planet. FUCK YOU SATAN. MY FAMILY, MY ROCK, MY SUN, MY MOON and well all these twinkling lil stars are mine to keep too.
I was told early on that Kiley my number 17 is going to marry a twin and that she knows him. You know what that pregnancy and miscarriage were all about? I knew by the timing of this pregnancy that this was Kiley Rae's Irish twin. My brother is her twin. See how this family keeps interlinking and crossing paths for a reason and no one ever had a clue. Especially me.
Now Satan my brother, do you remember the part where I said "brother doesn't lie with brother?"
No one ever said anything about "brother doesn't lie with sister." Now Satan, my family rocks. Now get the fuck off my rock. Make that a double on the rocks, with both your heads sitting on top of those flag poles.
Sunday, July 17, 2016
07/16/2016 Shannara
You know Satan OOOHHHH I have so much to tell about my discoveries and just who it is I am. You know how I have lived on this journey, you know the part, "if one door opens I have to walk through it." Truly brother I never know just what it is I'm supposed to learn. Nice touch living behind this red door with a warm heart lil house. I liked the numbers even 10626. With numbers like that their is always hope right brother?
I mean what about those nights standing outside underneath that man with the beard, slapping my hands down by body? Saying E. V. O. L. I push you into this ground. Nine layers deep, times three I send you to hell. Nine layers deep from the North, South, East and West and all in between from infinity and beyond I locked those doors forevermore. Just setting the stage right brother?
Yes Satan lets talk about those three, sixes and nines I worked with that same night as I stood under the moonlight with feathers in my hair? Now ya know brother I don't know nothing about no three, sixes and nines? I just kept going. I used my threes to take out my sixes and I turned those unhappy sixes upside down. I turned them back into nines didn't I? You son of a bitch! While I was out there I knew one thing their is an Angel mathematician, and who would know just how to turn those numbers around than that Angel? You know what else I learned about Angels brother? Angels exist in every sect. Religious or spiritual, isn't that right brother? They do not judge. They just take care of business so Destiny can move forward. Isn't that right brother? I have discovered that Angels come in all shapes and sizes. Even sea turtles fly brother.
So here I am living with a Sloth Demon. Are you fucking kidding me? All I do everyday it seems is shut this demon down. I keep putting it back in its place. Shit Satan first my family wanted me to learn to see the animal faces in those trees. You know what I did with those unhappy animal faces? Yup! Ya know those lil frowny faces? Well Satan my brother at first I didn't know what to do especially with that two face Cheshire cat, I walked past everyday? I decided to turn a negative back into a positive and I turned that frowny cats face back into a smile. How did I do it you ask brother? I planted my feet in front of it I waved both my hands in circles, waving them up to that big blue sky, and I said, L. O. V. E. and then I'd wave my hands back down and I pushed that EVOL back into the ground. After a lil while of this my lil kitty cat had a smile.
You know at first Satan I heard "two more." I had know idea what that meant at the time. I was thinking you were the one who had two more? I mean hell brother every time I turned around I had more and more woods to clear and say, "The Lords Prayer." You know that prayer brother? My families promise to this Nation where I stand. You remember that "Pledge of Allegiance" I'd put my lil hand upon my heart and say that lil prayer every morning. Now you want to remove our Father's name from a pledge he made to us? I think not brother. You remember those four brotherhoods don't you brother? The one that made a pact to protect this country no matter what? No matter who rules isn't that right brother? That would be "The Army, The Navy, The Marines, and The Air Force."
Do you know what I heard sitting in that veterans when I was writing? They showed me acres and acres of Evergreen Trees. They told me every tree represents all those veterans who have passed on fighting for this nation. This One Nation Under One God. They showed me that even those who have passed on know the truth of who's really behind all these wars. Destiny's markings they speak louder than words to me. They showed me that day that upstairs I not only have this Washington but that other Washington that stands behind me. Truly Satan I only speak of peace, not war. Things have gone to far they are way off balance. Way off kilter.
You think I don't see the zombies you have created in our time? These drugs legal or illegal that make people not feel, but they still feel pain don't they brother? All this panic you created around addiction, that you two created in the first place. Now all these people hurt and they are turning to something to shut the pain down, even for just a lil while. Just to get to work and have a roof over their head.
What about all this stress you put on mankind? You have made everything about the wrong money tree. That black square, Expecting the same income when productivity goes down. So instead of dropping the expectation of what that product once brought in they tax us the sheeple the difference. So all mankind is paying for is all this compounded interest on air loans that never existed in the first place. Even then it wasn't enough was it brother was it brother? The ones at the top of all those corporations got even greedier didn't they brother? Then the people had to cover that debt. Oh yeah, IC, sloth over this one. This one wants the wrong kind of power. Anything that doesn't feed the flock can fuck off and die, as far as I'm concerned.
Now brother that night of my dream when I saw nine silver bullets, a policeman shot seven times, over love, one bloody knife and one silver bullet. Now brother, who do you think that bloody knife and silver bullet are for? That policeman who was shot seven times, well I've been watching this go down in the news everyday. A few bad apples and the rest of the tribe, the brothers and sisters take a hit don't they. We all seem to get boxed in on either side we work in anymore, don't we brother? All these lost boys on motorcycles with wings on their back. The lost boys in all these gangs looking for a family. All because somehow, someway their mother and father let them down too. Everyone is so confused that they don't even know what true love is supposed to be. It is unconditional. It has no bounds. It is limitless. It is warm. It is compassionate. It is kind. Don't get me wrong brother, love is no doormat either. No one is putting their blame off on me for their bad behavior anymore. I don't care if I have a job anymore. I don't care if I have a roof over my head anymore.
After I saw what Gary is going through in the woods all alone? That man is a messiah and he is taken the hits for that black square. For all this ISIS bullshit. That man went to jail for ten days because he went to the closest man with a towel on his head and hit his door with a rock. Cause and reaction. Gary doesn't have a issue with the man, he has a issue with ISIS and he don't even know it. He has no computer, no TV. So he sits alone in the woods taking the hits for mother nature and all that's going down. He sits alone in those woods and he fights those demons. Oh yes those demons are real aren't they? He told me of one. He didn't call it a demon and at the time he told me this I didn't know what to call it. A black father figure shadow who pins him down to the ground with his boot on his throat. You fight that alone in the woods and not have a system care. The police didn't even care that someone set fire to his house. Timing Satan.
So you see this demon just made me a squatter. She misappropriated the eighteen hundred dollar she got for two months of rent. She told me she handed it all over to the landlord, which she wasn't supposed to do. It was supposed to go in a separate interest bearing account and doled out accordingly. Rent for this room was 700. A $100 non refundable cleaning deposit. On a place that was supposed to be clean when I moved in. Water is being shut off any day. Second notice on electric bill and three day notice from landlord. I'm not even sure she gave any money to the landlord because she was two months behind on that three day notice.
I am so tired of seeing people try to survive in this system so they all scam each other just to survive. Families don't get along anymore or people all have to live together that shouldn't of ever had to in the first place. They are building shacks and tent cities for the homeless for all this riffraff and acting like its a favor for that handout. We have all these overpriced rents and all these empty overpriced building, just waiting for someone with a full wallet to come along. It sits empty in the mean time. Who was the original carpenter that really counted out of all these nations and lands? You Son of a Bitch. I'm going to kill you, as I grab you by the hair. As I smash your face against that rock. Truth be told I don't care who does it. Me or Him. I'm going to enjoy for the first time in my life either watching it or doing it, hurting someone else and taking them down. For the first time I will not hold anything back. I will give it everything I have. I will fight, I will scream, I will move my two lil feet as I take you down. You just think you three are gonna circle around me. Think again brother.
I already said, I'd take a gang rape for these girls especially after I discovered what that scent was all about. I said, I'd take a lighting rod through my body. I said, I'm not afraid to bleed for you and oh brother I bled all over that land. Now your demon dog, with just the way every blow landed, it turns out he not only straightened my TMJ, but the migraines have been oh so much better. You see brother pain is only temporarily. I move freely even when a disc has a stabbing pain. You don't know how many times I have started walking, waving my arm behind, saying to that family upstairs, "let's go I'm ready." I don't give a fuck if I have a disc out, I am ready to land on a rock when I come back down to knock my spine back into alignment. I just know when the day comes, I'm just going to stand there and let each mother take its place inside me. Just so they can have the pleasure of venting all their rage and anger going back generations. Now I already agreed Satan to stand in front of these fathers and take the poison on so he doesn't have to.
Truth be told, that is just the point. No poison from you and this ET I have sitting here, is not to touch him. I have no issue doing this. You know Satan, I already know in my heart you have been sticking close by him. I know why all these daughters stand in front of these daddies door? Got to have the keys to the code don't you Satan? What about that coat Gary gave me to carry in the beginning of this. It was a XL and inside the label said Zero King. I carried it and I slept on it under my heart. I didn't even know what it meant at the time but I knew inside it meant something. (Music "Keys to Paradise" hey brother I don't pick, its on random play)
I have learned about this zero and one brother since then. Now this zero king he is a regular Joe kind of guy. The thing about those regular Joe's is that they can be pretty deceptive. Especially the quiet ones. The ones who go inside their own head allot and has conversations with only God knows who? I've got a pretty good idea however brother. I never knew all my conversations, sorrows, tears I cry inside my mind, and the prayers I never even knew I had were getting answered all along. Standing right their with his big head bowed down. Their is something you don't see in a rich man everyday. Humility. I watched on 04/02/2016 a night I didn't even know he still came around. I was there to do something else. There he stood in my line of fire.
I saw a great big monkey man carrying a lil monkey on his back. His burdens inside are heavy. Not his wallet, his heart is heavy. I heard earlier on from someone else, "this one is a hot mess, you don't want any of that." You see for some reason I always thought his name was John. I had no idea why then, but I do now. It wasn't until later I heard somewhere around him, "some people just don't bring out the best in us." Misunderstood. Like I don't get that. Hey he ain't no doormat either. I have learned since he prefers the softer easier way is the best solution. Yes this brother Satan, he is a diffuser that is for sure. He to would rather carry the burden no matter then let his lil flock go. Yes brother it wasn't just the words and numbers IC. I now see looking back that in his own way, he to chose to carry the burden and take the hits this one last time around. As he too walked through the pain everyday. Not only the pain, sorrow and loss he felt inside him when his two mothers died. He chose to carry that cancer in his two organs to take the hits for those two mothers IC inside me now. Big hit to the heart for his father and brother JC, I would say. It's about the heart, and what he carries inside him that weighs those shoulders down.
You see brother just the numbers in his address with those sixes and nines. I nearly laughed my head off. Then do you know what else I have found, just who this brother is to me. He crosses paths in my four square. Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces, and Aries. Fire and water. I'm the first constellation and he's number 12 Satan.
About that Shannara and those three stones? You know brother I don't watch this stuff. Really never have I didn't really understand these shows. All this Folklore nonsense right? This stuff could never of really existed right? I just watched it this last week. I looked at those three blue stones and it dawned on me. I have had this baby birds nest since around the beginning and when I got into my red room I brought some of my stuff from storage that lil birds nest and my hawk feather. Hell Satan I didn't even know it was a hawk feather. One day I'm standing at a bus stop and I could tell it was a woman's makeshift home and lying outside were three lil blue rocks. When I got back home a few weeks ago, I stuck those lil blue eggs in that nest. I thought it fitting.
Oh those eggs Satan, funny now I actually have a egg sitting on my left shoulder blade. You remember how this spiritual healing goes. Oh yeah you never got any. Serves ya right. Well brother it had been a long week of my whole spine being on fire. I just kept moving everyday. Then I awoke one morning and low and behold brother, the pain was gone but my family left me a lil sign now I have an angel on my right shoulder and a egg on my left. What can I say brother, "healing hurts." Now remember pain is only temporary, and I'm ready to take that lightening rod.
You know Satan my spine years ago used to go out in a triangle. Now if I didn't know any better it looks like I have a slithering snake going down between the vertebra's. I remember the third house I slept in. Every morning I toured the property and just roamed these houses seeing what they wanted me to see in all their hobbies and lil talisman. Things that help them keep moving each day. Danielle had a tear drop driveway. I knew Danielle was at peace with the semi's and horses roaming around. On this property I walked by a tree and I felt so much energy vibrating off this tree. I sat down beside it and just felt it for a lil while.
Danielle's horses circled around me and I saw the scar between ones breast. We spoke who knew I could do that even. You know brother me and horses have a agreement I don't ride them anymore. Every time lets just say I walked away worse for wear, as they snorted with laughter each time I landed somewhere not so soft. So no brother I ain't getting back on no horse, but since I have a rodeo ride to go on soon, ya never know I just might have to change my mind for that family upstairs.
Do you know why else I sat in those woods brother, to make sure if anything happens to him I am right there.
I mean what about those nights standing outside underneath that man with the beard, slapping my hands down by body? Saying E. V. O. L. I push you into this ground. Nine layers deep, times three I send you to hell. Nine layers deep from the North, South, East and West and all in between from infinity and beyond I locked those doors forevermore. Just setting the stage right brother?
Yes Satan lets talk about those three, sixes and nines I worked with that same night as I stood under the moonlight with feathers in my hair? Now ya know brother I don't know nothing about no three, sixes and nines? I just kept going. I used my threes to take out my sixes and I turned those unhappy sixes upside down. I turned them back into nines didn't I? You son of a bitch! While I was out there I knew one thing their is an Angel mathematician, and who would know just how to turn those numbers around than that Angel? You know what else I learned about Angels brother? Angels exist in every sect. Religious or spiritual, isn't that right brother? They do not judge. They just take care of business so Destiny can move forward. Isn't that right brother? I have discovered that Angels come in all shapes and sizes. Even sea turtles fly brother.
So here I am living with a Sloth Demon. Are you fucking kidding me? All I do everyday it seems is shut this demon down. I keep putting it back in its place. Shit Satan first my family wanted me to learn to see the animal faces in those trees. You know what I did with those unhappy animal faces? Yup! Ya know those lil frowny faces? Well Satan my brother at first I didn't know what to do especially with that two face Cheshire cat, I walked past everyday? I decided to turn a negative back into a positive and I turned that frowny cats face back into a smile. How did I do it you ask brother? I planted my feet in front of it I waved both my hands in circles, waving them up to that big blue sky, and I said, L. O. V. E. and then I'd wave my hands back down and I pushed that EVOL back into the ground. After a lil while of this my lil kitty cat had a smile.
You know at first Satan I heard "two more." I had know idea what that meant at the time. I was thinking you were the one who had two more? I mean hell brother every time I turned around I had more and more woods to clear and say, "The Lords Prayer." You know that prayer brother? My families promise to this Nation where I stand. You remember that "Pledge of Allegiance" I'd put my lil hand upon my heart and say that lil prayer every morning. Now you want to remove our Father's name from a pledge he made to us? I think not brother. You remember those four brotherhoods don't you brother? The one that made a pact to protect this country no matter what? No matter who rules isn't that right brother? That would be "The Army, The Navy, The Marines, and The Air Force."
Do you know what I heard sitting in that veterans when I was writing? They showed me acres and acres of Evergreen Trees. They told me every tree represents all those veterans who have passed on fighting for this nation. This One Nation Under One God. They showed me that even those who have passed on know the truth of who's really behind all these wars. Destiny's markings they speak louder than words to me. They showed me that day that upstairs I not only have this Washington but that other Washington that stands behind me. Truly Satan I only speak of peace, not war. Things have gone to far they are way off balance. Way off kilter.
You think I don't see the zombies you have created in our time? These drugs legal or illegal that make people not feel, but they still feel pain don't they brother? All this panic you created around addiction, that you two created in the first place. Now all these people hurt and they are turning to something to shut the pain down, even for just a lil while. Just to get to work and have a roof over their head.
What about all this stress you put on mankind? You have made everything about the wrong money tree. That black square, Expecting the same income when productivity goes down. So instead of dropping the expectation of what that product once brought in they tax us the sheeple the difference. So all mankind is paying for is all this compounded interest on air loans that never existed in the first place. Even then it wasn't enough was it brother was it brother? The ones at the top of all those corporations got even greedier didn't they brother? Then the people had to cover that debt. Oh yeah, IC, sloth over this one. This one wants the wrong kind of power. Anything that doesn't feed the flock can fuck off and die, as far as I'm concerned.
Now brother that night of my dream when I saw nine silver bullets, a policeman shot seven times, over love, one bloody knife and one silver bullet. Now brother, who do you think that bloody knife and silver bullet are for? That policeman who was shot seven times, well I've been watching this go down in the news everyday. A few bad apples and the rest of the tribe, the brothers and sisters take a hit don't they. We all seem to get boxed in on either side we work in anymore, don't we brother? All these lost boys on motorcycles with wings on their back. The lost boys in all these gangs looking for a family. All because somehow, someway their mother and father let them down too. Everyone is so confused that they don't even know what true love is supposed to be. It is unconditional. It has no bounds. It is limitless. It is warm. It is compassionate. It is kind. Don't get me wrong brother, love is no doormat either. No one is putting their blame off on me for their bad behavior anymore. I don't care if I have a job anymore. I don't care if I have a roof over my head anymore.
After I saw what Gary is going through in the woods all alone? That man is a messiah and he is taken the hits for that black square. For all this ISIS bullshit. That man went to jail for ten days because he went to the closest man with a towel on his head and hit his door with a rock. Cause and reaction. Gary doesn't have a issue with the man, he has a issue with ISIS and he don't even know it. He has no computer, no TV. So he sits alone in the woods taking the hits for mother nature and all that's going down. He sits alone in those woods and he fights those demons. Oh yes those demons are real aren't they? He told me of one. He didn't call it a demon and at the time he told me this I didn't know what to call it. A black father figure shadow who pins him down to the ground with his boot on his throat. You fight that alone in the woods and not have a system care. The police didn't even care that someone set fire to his house. Timing Satan.
So you see this demon just made me a squatter. She misappropriated the eighteen hundred dollar she got for two months of rent. She told me she handed it all over to the landlord, which she wasn't supposed to do. It was supposed to go in a separate interest bearing account and doled out accordingly. Rent for this room was 700. A $100 non refundable cleaning deposit. On a place that was supposed to be clean when I moved in. Water is being shut off any day. Second notice on electric bill and three day notice from landlord. I'm not even sure she gave any money to the landlord because she was two months behind on that three day notice.
I am so tired of seeing people try to survive in this system so they all scam each other just to survive. Families don't get along anymore or people all have to live together that shouldn't of ever had to in the first place. They are building shacks and tent cities for the homeless for all this riffraff and acting like its a favor for that handout. We have all these overpriced rents and all these empty overpriced building, just waiting for someone with a full wallet to come along. It sits empty in the mean time. Who was the original carpenter that really counted out of all these nations and lands? You Son of a Bitch. I'm going to kill you, as I grab you by the hair. As I smash your face against that rock. Truth be told I don't care who does it. Me or Him. I'm going to enjoy for the first time in my life either watching it or doing it, hurting someone else and taking them down. For the first time I will not hold anything back. I will give it everything I have. I will fight, I will scream, I will move my two lil feet as I take you down. You just think you three are gonna circle around me. Think again brother.
I already said, I'd take a gang rape for these girls especially after I discovered what that scent was all about. I said, I'd take a lighting rod through my body. I said, I'm not afraid to bleed for you and oh brother I bled all over that land. Now your demon dog, with just the way every blow landed, it turns out he not only straightened my TMJ, but the migraines have been oh so much better. You see brother pain is only temporarily. I move freely even when a disc has a stabbing pain. You don't know how many times I have started walking, waving my arm behind, saying to that family upstairs, "let's go I'm ready." I don't give a fuck if I have a disc out, I am ready to land on a rock when I come back down to knock my spine back into alignment. I just know when the day comes, I'm just going to stand there and let each mother take its place inside me. Just so they can have the pleasure of venting all their rage and anger going back generations. Now I already agreed Satan to stand in front of these fathers and take the poison on so he doesn't have to.
Truth be told, that is just the point. No poison from you and this ET I have sitting here, is not to touch him. I have no issue doing this. You know Satan, I already know in my heart you have been sticking close by him. I know why all these daughters stand in front of these daddies door? Got to have the keys to the code don't you Satan? What about that coat Gary gave me to carry in the beginning of this. It was a XL and inside the label said Zero King. I carried it and I slept on it under my heart. I didn't even know what it meant at the time but I knew inside it meant something. (Music "Keys to Paradise" hey brother I don't pick, its on random play)
I have learned about this zero and one brother since then. Now this zero king he is a regular Joe kind of guy. The thing about those regular Joe's is that they can be pretty deceptive. Especially the quiet ones. The ones who go inside their own head allot and has conversations with only God knows who? I've got a pretty good idea however brother. I never knew all my conversations, sorrows, tears I cry inside my mind, and the prayers I never even knew I had were getting answered all along. Standing right their with his big head bowed down. Their is something you don't see in a rich man everyday. Humility. I watched on 04/02/2016 a night I didn't even know he still came around. I was there to do something else. There he stood in my line of fire.
I saw a great big monkey man carrying a lil monkey on his back. His burdens inside are heavy. Not his wallet, his heart is heavy. I heard earlier on from someone else, "this one is a hot mess, you don't want any of that." You see for some reason I always thought his name was John. I had no idea why then, but I do now. It wasn't until later I heard somewhere around him, "some people just don't bring out the best in us." Misunderstood. Like I don't get that. Hey he ain't no doormat either. I have learned since he prefers the softer easier way is the best solution. Yes this brother Satan, he is a diffuser that is for sure. He to would rather carry the burden no matter then let his lil flock go. Yes brother it wasn't just the words and numbers IC. I now see looking back that in his own way, he to chose to carry the burden and take the hits this one last time around. As he too walked through the pain everyday. Not only the pain, sorrow and loss he felt inside him when his two mothers died. He chose to carry that cancer in his two organs to take the hits for those two mothers IC inside me now. Big hit to the heart for his father and brother JC, I would say. It's about the heart, and what he carries inside him that weighs those shoulders down.
You see brother just the numbers in his address with those sixes and nines. I nearly laughed my head off. Then do you know what else I have found, just who this brother is to me. He crosses paths in my four square. Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces, and Aries. Fire and water. I'm the first constellation and he's number 12 Satan.
About that Shannara and those three stones? You know brother I don't watch this stuff. Really never have I didn't really understand these shows. All this Folklore nonsense right? This stuff could never of really existed right? I just watched it this last week. I looked at those three blue stones and it dawned on me. I have had this baby birds nest since around the beginning and when I got into my red room I brought some of my stuff from storage that lil birds nest and my hawk feather. Hell Satan I didn't even know it was a hawk feather. One day I'm standing at a bus stop and I could tell it was a woman's makeshift home and lying outside were three lil blue rocks. When I got back home a few weeks ago, I stuck those lil blue eggs in that nest. I thought it fitting.
Oh those eggs Satan, funny now I actually have a egg sitting on my left shoulder blade. You remember how this spiritual healing goes. Oh yeah you never got any. Serves ya right. Well brother it had been a long week of my whole spine being on fire. I just kept moving everyday. Then I awoke one morning and low and behold brother, the pain was gone but my family left me a lil sign now I have an angel on my right shoulder and a egg on my left. What can I say brother, "healing hurts." Now remember pain is only temporary, and I'm ready to take that lightening rod.
You know Satan my spine years ago used to go out in a triangle. Now if I didn't know any better it looks like I have a slithering snake going down between the vertebra's. I remember the third house I slept in. Every morning I toured the property and just roamed these houses seeing what they wanted me to see in all their hobbies and lil talisman. Things that help them keep moving each day. Danielle had a tear drop driveway. I knew Danielle was at peace with the semi's and horses roaming around. On this property I walked by a tree and I felt so much energy vibrating off this tree. I sat down beside it and just felt it for a lil while.
Danielle's horses circled around me and I saw the scar between ones breast. We spoke who knew I could do that even. You know brother me and horses have a agreement I don't ride them anymore. Every time lets just say I walked away worse for wear, as they snorted with laughter each time I landed somewhere not so soft. So no brother I ain't getting back on no horse, but since I have a rodeo ride to go on soon, ya never know I just might have to change my mind for that family upstairs.
Do you know why else I sat in those woods brother, to make sure if anything happens to him I am right there.
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