Without Him I Am Nothing

When I Come Around/Green Day
Another time spent with God. I changed the channel to "The Shack." I read the book years ago. I've fallen asleep trying to watch it. It is very well put together. It is as close to a clearing and healing as your normally going to get on this rock and in heaven. When I saw the black woman, the young JC and the Asian representation of the Holy Spirit? I loved it and the truth in all the different races of Gods children. I noticed long ago that with Greg and I coming from two different backgrounds that my girls brought the native look back into the tribe. Their was a time when I would look at Kiley and she would remind so much of Pocahontas.

Man In The Box/Alice In Chains
When you look at how God changed into a male because he needed a father? God is of all color. He is energy. Neither male, nor female. It is the two scenes, the one where they said they see people in color, that aura. The energy of the human and the emotions in color. Then it was the scene with the children running and playing? The Truth is someone wants this Home away from Home destroyed. This Beast/666 wants to destroy this Kingdom to destroy that Kingdom.

Closing Time/Semisonic
Then those words hit me, "without Him I am nothing." I realized what was happening. I stopped and I couldn't say the words out loud to God. I'm arguing with Him. I can feel it. I know it but I can't say it to you. Why can't I say it to you? Is it my own pride? My own pride is standing in the way of me saying this to you? Why? Then I saw my little monkey coming back with those saggy shoulders and bowed head, my monkeys look of resignation. I'm feeling resignation over this reservation God, is that it?

Shook Me All Night Long AC/DC
Then I saw it and I about flipped my lid. My white horse bending at the knee to bow to my King. Is that my colt that finally grew into a horse? Why am I bowing down? Did I just do or discover something big I don't know about yet? You know hind site, a little Hiede hoe time, good girl or am I coming to heal? It's that heal thing God? I freely admit I don't like to heel. I mean who wants to come to heel and bow down to another being? After all I have been through, after all I have said in this great commitment I made to this rock long ago, you'd think I'd get this right. What can I say blame the ADHD I'm a slow learner. It's so great, I got a come back and out for every thing now even to God. What to far? So spank my petulant little ass.

Stinkfist/Tool
My issue isn't God. My issue isn't His son either. Well not the one upstairs. It's how the human race will take this. I mean to realize how God is teaching me. Goading me as well as guiding me and at times bringing me back to heal. The bowing part is a hard one for me. I mean I've been the one going on and flipping my lid. "What God am I supposed to curtsy to your son his highness with the easy life?" Then I get slammed into this?

Plush/Stone Temple Pilots
My issue isn't my personal ego. It is how a male figure on this rock as a human being will take this? Like God really tied a rope around my neck and made me run around him like he's training a horse? First of all it is I whom started to notice the pattern then my nick name. The behavior and the action to the behavior I was seeing looked kind of like a beasty thing like training a horse. God's the "Horse Whisperer" it turns out. God nor shall this family approve of you as a significant other to do this to another human being. I'm not literally tied, I'm spiritually leashed. He's not cracking a whip. He's not grabbing me by the hair, or ears. He's not belittling me nor is he humiliating me. It's the timing of the scene and what I got going on in my head, this is Gods way of telling me to have Faith. It's just Gods beasty hence me, wanting off the chain and take my control back. Truth is it's not what I originally agreed to either

Crazy Bitch/Buckcherry
Of course I only remember the agreement from here on this rock back in July of 2015. I have just recently learned this last year I had made an agreements before this and before this and well I know my sentence is running on but so is God's never ending story on my life. Hell I'm about ready to end it myself but I'd end up right back here in purgatory right where I started my life.  I've obviously invested to much time and energy into this rock, this Tree Of Life. I'm ready for some real T.L.C. No God your swell and all but I still want the actual physical you. No God not me. Not you in me. Well that's not a bad idea. See I can't even speak anymore without a double innuendo. Your so good at being bad, now just give me my just reward already. Stop teasing me and start pleasing me Big Daddy. You in Him, so I can heal and play my way with you. Outside the box God. Think outside the box, in that garden. 

Plowed/Sponge 
Even Flow/Pearl Jam