This Angel Smokes

When I was eight years old I was living in Kelso Washington in a lil pea green house on Ross street. It wasn't until later on in my life that I discovered my older brother was in a juvenile detention center literally in my neighborhood up above on my left, or is it my right? It depends on what direction your facing. He had escaped with three other boys and ran right in front of my mothers car. She did not recognize her own son running across the road with three other boys all only dressed in their tidy whities. Living right up the road and well apparently it had been awhile since my mother had seen her son.

I hadn't seen my brother in awhile. I'm not even sure if I knew just where he went all this time or how he came to be with me for another lovely brief encounters moment with my brother. We were hanging out under the house. More like hiding you might say. Looking back that is usually what we did. We hid, hung out and well my brother spoke. I didn't say much. I just listened and followed along. He must of been about seventeen.  He was smoking and as usual I was watching. He said "Colleen if I ever catch you smoking, I'll kill you." Irony in just this issue alone in my life. So if you have to ask why I call this "This Angel Smokes" after the answers I have received in the last few days. Let's just say "I don't give a fuck what white horse you ride in on, ain't no brother on this planet worth all this pain."

I had to live it
I Had to feel it
I had to see what they do
I had to experience it
Walk with the burden like my Father JC
My Brother Todd before me
I had to see her children put in boxes
Outsourced, Written off as trash to society
The ones burdening your Wallet
You treat your Mother like a liability
Like she can't put out no more
No more energy
No more life
So the day you point your finger at me
The day you judge me
For being this families fucking tobacco fairy
Fuck yes,
This Angel Smokes.
When you sit in that gold field crying your mothers tears
Thankful no one can hear my screams over the roar of those Truck engines
Thankful only those that fly above can see me
When you feel my mothers pain and suffering of a broken heart
"Fuck yeah, this angel smokes"
When I sat crying in that gold field and it finally dawned on me
This went from my sisters
To My Family
Being slammed in the Garden with the big Dog
Not three times but four
Fuck Yea this angel smokes
Finding out, it is my big Brother
Whom is the Biggest, Baddest, Angel of them all
Fuck yea this angel smokes.

You try it. Truth be told I still don't know how I do it some moments of some days?
I just keep walking through all this insanity
Wondering why all this bad behavior?
Having a conversatoin with someone
I go to jail now. One way or another the slighest reaction from me and I go to jail.
It seems you mention the word corporation to a lawyer and they shut down
I find out they want me to take a stand.
Now how in the fuck do I take a stand
I need to go back and read Stephen fucking King
Fuck yea! This Angel smokes.
I don't give a fuck if it's brown tabacco or green weed
If it's from my family I smoke it and if you don't like it.
Get to stepping.
My family, My medicine, My families tears I shed.
If you don't like it
get to stepping.

Back to that conversation I had this morning with my family when I said ain't no brother down here on this planet worth all this pain. they agreed.  I think I'm entitled to vent my rage at my sisters choice of a honorable man for me.

Thank you all very much
It seems I have no family here
Quite frankly I'm not happy about him
I'm not happy about any of it
but because of that family upstairs
I now have a primal instinct
To protect a man and a family I don't even know
A man I never wanted
A brother I never knew I had
All for a life i never wanted
Or did I ever bother to ask

Or even like today
Fuck Him,
Ain't no man
Ain't no brother
Worth this much pain

I'm going to smack you upside that big bald head
Kick you in those golden eggs they tell me your packing
As soon as your big egg head drops low enough to reach you
Right hook to the jaw
Let me stomp on your heart a few times
So you can see how it feels.
Taking the hits to the heart out here.
You thin skinned
Yellow bellied
Big Pussy Boy
Great Big Monkey Man, my ass
Why this one right here really chaps my ass
Get me the Mother Fucking rope
Tie you up by the mother fucking ankles
Attach you to that horse saddle
Slap it on the ass
Send you packing
Wash my hands of you

No I don't care what my sisters say upstairs
Their ain't nothing I see out here worth all this pain either.
They showed me upstairs the answer to why aint no man down here is worth all this pain and suffering. Truth is they aren't. That brother that father is upstairs is however.
Fuck yeah this angel smokes
The day you walk in my shoes
and feel my mothers pain
You'll understand just why
This Angel Smokes