Fate! Faith or Destiny

Who the fuck knows. Eenie Meanie Miney Moe you pick. All I know is I dont want to be here in this place at this moment in time. It dawned on me a few days ago that here I am living in a tent in the woods in a sleeping bag Kiley gave me and it took me back to where I got my first tent and sleeping bag?
I was about eight years old and well me and my mother just had a row? She was sending me out the door to spend quality time with my old step daddy. It seemed I wasn't daddied up enough. I mean come on for a woman who just made decisions for me without a thought or discussion even I knew their was absolutely know reason in hell for me to still even have that man in my life. They were getting a divorce she was supposed to be done with this one
My mother had hope still to prove to her father and family she wasn't a failure. My mother still had daughter number two to prove how much she still trust this man. She is out to prove my sister is lying. Kimmie just doesn't want me to be happy. She's making it up. She just wants to go live with her father. She's making it up.
I'll prove it. I'll prove to you all how much he's lying I'll send in number two. I'll send Colleen off alone with him to prove how much of a good daddy he is. How come Doris can have her pervert and I cant daddy?
Lucky for me he was a Jackmehoff kind of step daddy and well the way I see it no spilled seed here. I mean the guy was a real winner from the start.
What was I like three barely four and my first dinner that my mother prepared at his house as a family well lets just say he proved himself alright. Just the kind of man my mother needed to keep us unruly children in line. I dont like slimy food and that includes cream of corn.
So to prove no disrespect to my mother I got turned upside down by the ankle and whipped. My mother jumped on this one.
I hope to God it was Jim that I projectile vomited chilli beans all over that day My mother served me her last chilli bean. In the beginning I knew this was about organs not just Oregon that kept popping up.
All this erectile dysfunction and testicular cancer that men are experiencing. Karmically and spiritually for all the stress and system this pressure creates. All this good intention good and healthcare options all going in one direction. Wow! Ya know I'd really like to give some of you brothers your balls back but right now I've got bigger fish to fry. It seems the East Indian man that works and lives behind warrior number two and he just realized I live in those woods. My mind keeps going back to what the other employee said as I walked out the door. Be careful he's real strong.
Irony coincidence karma Faith or fate? When I was eight years old as a kiss off our lil secret appology gift Jim bought me a tent and sleeping bag. It was the woods I was running through when I told Greg I want to run because something was chasing me through these woods. Someone always wants to test fate. Overpower takedown. Yeah I'm a pretty easy target. Bullies are everywhere. Someone always trying to take something that doesn't belong to them. You know what they say? Everything starts from one tiny thing. Maybe a cause and reaction between two people.
The story just keeps growing about that demon dog who raped me. Pre us told me that he poisoned himself and shot himself in the head. He seemed horrified like it was my fault he did that to himself. That not was damaged goods before he crossed my path. If it took my big girl words to come flying out of my mouth to get me out of that truck. I knew one thing for sure I cant be any kind of mother if I'm dead. I told my daughter I'm not leaving until you do.
Yeah I've been through hell and back in more ways than one in the last fourteen months waiting to take on the anger and rage. Today I dont care. First comes letting it go. Then acceptance of whatever comes down the path. No matter how weird. Then well comes willing. With willing you find able. Each day I go from there. After tonight whatever happens I'm really thinking about tent city. Product of this mothers society. Mother Nature people. Not alien. Not foreign. Well I'm tired.