Humanity

I realized the other day is the sad part for me personally is that I'm going to live. No matter the pain and suffering I have gone through trying to get quality medical care in this system that has overlooked ignored and denied my pain for over twenty years is that it is going to hurt me physically and emotionally even more just to have to open up my personal life, stand out in the open exposed so you all can open your eyes to the injustice in this healthcare system. It is set up to make me fail or look like a failure no matter What I do. I need alternative choices to get me through what quality of a life I have left. If I have to take these pills for the rest of my life then give me what I know for a fact I need. This system is set up to cover one thing and one thing only and that is the system.
It is a illusion to think that every muscle disease needs to be treated with physical therapy. That is primarily a treatment for a accident or injury. Well it was and now because this system says so it is now the main alternative healthcare choice. I have met several people out here with injury or some kind of ailment or disease in the muscle and spine and years later they are still having to go. These people are at the maintenance point of their ailment.
Stretching is one part. I met another woman who needed knee and hip surgery young and the system told her she had to wait fifteen years between surgeries. She could of and wanted to be a functioning member of society years ago.
It is like this no one can see this entity but you all serve it don't you? I was just like you, clueless. We are all serving and bowing to a system, but we can't serve a invisible God? What about mother nature where you see everyday and you ignore her. Pretending she is not there so you can feel better about yourselves with all your hurt feelings.
Wether you believe it or not when you really think about it this God and JC thing certainly has been theorized and even claiming facts of his word in different sects. I guess the interpretation of part of a story. Even in the stars their is actually a symbol of the sun/son in the center of four stars. Theirs got to be something to all this religion right?
Instead you choose to allow God to be removed from our nations traditions everywhere because of religion. I dont want to be a part of any religion or nation who can't even use my father's name. My father's name is love and You just toss him out like the trash along with mother nature.
You can't use the word Christmas with children anymore. That one really chapped my ass. It pissed me off when someone turned my family tradition into christianity. Someone decided that and wrote it somewhere. Christmas only applied to religion now. Apparently all the fantasy and fun holiday traditions are all wrong. Allowing my child to be creative is wrong. Teaching her to dressup and play make believe is not allowed. Must be those masks? What about the mask and illusion you serve each day? What mask is someone wearing in a suit?
We have surpassed the ego in this system. We have surpassed humanity with mankind's dependant on this system. This system does not have a heartbeat. It is not real but mother nature is. God Damit when I say I hurt somebody had better hear me. To think I apparently chose to come back here for this and truly its just not worth it to me. All this pain in my body and my heart. Just because you refuse to look at it it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Remember pain is invisible in your heart body and mind. Why does something that doesn't really matter like money get to decide my destiny? I know why I want to go back to heaven. There is no money and there is no shit only love. I almost said pain free love. When you go through that shadow of death and you go through that clearing. Love hurts. I'm tired of hurting and being misjudged by a society who only dances for the system and not the heart.
Sad is its going to hurt and continue to hurt until this hits and who knows after. Sad thing is because of my family upstairs their baggage and mankind's choices is I am left to suffer the indignities and injustice of just trying to live a quality life all to make a point for you.

God is all about family and traditions. I mean how could he and mother nature have all these different children's of different races in different nations if it wasn't the love in family and their traditions? How can any one nation or any one sect be so arrogant enough to think they are the only ones? So righeous enough to tell their children weather they are worthy enough to live a quality life? I have discovered that we not only castrated ourselves centuries ago we allowed a entity that you don't even see put a price on love. Even our original coin came from mother nature. Mother nature has provided. Humanity chose to put a price on her love. Put a price on how she feeds or heals. Mankind decided how mother nature functions. Truly how can anyone truly tell mother nature or God how to love and care for their children?
I wondered how all these years no one ever really knew how badly I hurt inside and out. Truly no one ever asked. I realized that even if I didn't smile my norm was to be courteous. To be polite. Maybe not always right on with the pleases to someone closer to me. If I didn't say please it was formed as a could you or would you? My norm no matter how badly I hurt is not to be rude. Truly I'm not the type of personality to start shit or hurt someone because I can.
Truth is for a couple weeks of pain I can handle it and no one would ever know but when it extends remains and escalates I have a right as a human being to say I hurt and be heard. Not for a system to tell me I'm lying. It's all in my head. Make me feel guilty and unworthy of care because I didn't do enough or I should of.
I dont like this systems love. This system can't feel love.  You call this love? Love is free evol is costly.