I'm Not For The Faint Of Heart

If that's not the truth I dont know what is. I mean I had not one clue the burdens I carry inside me. I wrote a letter in the beginning appologizing for my fears about money and placing my burdens on someone else.
The list is pretty overwhelming for me too. I understand for myself it is what it is and there is nothing I can do about it. I mean even I wonder why would my family put me through this? Why wake me up and feel again show me what they wanted me to see and experience only to plant my ass right here?
I am broke I live meal to meal. I live smoke to smoke everyday. The part I hate the worst is this system. Even at fifteen an hour which Michael makes. Which is the standard cost of living now. Not ammortized out over the years for people at minmum wage to be able to live Then instead of now. It is all these landlord tenant regulations that no longer add up. Since when does any fee to any State block you from renting? Michael is a vet and at two and a half percent always an excuse for how they do the numbers. Never an issue anywhere we rented before.
I'm an empath clairvouent and clairaudient and a scribe, who happens to have scoliosis and migraines and constant sinus allergies. I from day to day don't let any of it stop me from living. Broke yet having to fight for the right to try and get relief from the pain naturally through chiropractic and massage instead of all these pills. Then I'm told this insurance doesn't cover it. Then I'm made to feel guilty when I have a bad three weeks. The knotty stage which happens about every three months. Wouldn't a preventative be better and cheaper than the gauntlet of another neurlogist and other doctors who missed it in the first place. Doctors who treat the system and not the patient. If I had a job and a home I could afford my own massage and chiropractic.
As far as that heart goes and me seeing the bigger picture, I understand the fear but I cant be a victim much longer to others fears. I dont know what that family upstairs has in store for me but truth is I dont want to be with anyone who doesn't have a heart. If no one can see by now that my heart rules my life then I dont have any other defense than that.
Does love really heal? Does healing the heart really heal the mind and body? I wouldn't know myself I've never experienced a no strings attached kind of love myself. If it wasn't for that family upstairs I wouldn't be where I am today. Some days Even I want to go home up there because down here I have no home. Down here people get to decide if I get to eat out of there own fear. What a pore excuse for not just doing your job.
If you really cared youd care weather I ate or weather I hurt inside. My mind my body and my heart are all part of one package. So no I'm not for the faint of heart.