My Church

04/20/2016

You know I was just thinking I'm really not having a very good 420 day after all? So much to go through so much to process? Not going to believe this but my appointment with my employment rep didn't happen on Monday. I was there at ten but apparently their was some mishap. Popped in on Ryan today and I left my phone at the last bus stop about a 20 minute ride back. I used to be so tech savvy and now I can't even figure out for the umpteenth time how to register one of these lil Mother Fuckers. Thank God Michael got paid. Timing and all that. You have to rely on technology to register one of these. Imagine that? A computer or another God Damned phone? Thank God this isn't the middle of the night emergency kind of nights? Oh I have come close right on that line so many times it's so not funny.

After walking I have no idea how many fucking miles to get his card finding a place to purchase one getting back to a library to register it and I go through the whole process I think like five times now and it's still not registered. I have no idea where to meet up with Michail to give him back his card.

This demon thing. It's pretty laughable really. I mean not to you but to me. The irony in me figuring out all this demon bullshit I see going on around me? Boy am I really going to stir up that pot on that one. Really don't ever go out and start screaming or freaking out or even tell a mentally ill person they have demon on them. I mean that wouldn't be a very pretty visual at all. Just picture the religious fanatics and the zealots? I have the key and the answers on how to handle these demons but I think I'll hold out on that one for us a lil while. One thing I have figured out is that that is the "RODEO RIDE" I was talking about I don't know how many years back now. When I figured that one out I was like "HEEE HAAAAWWW" Time to round up some demons.

For those of you that think it's going to poke fun and play with demons? You really might want to re-think that, because some of those demons do bite. It ain't one God Damned bit funny. Your just feeding the darkness. That darkness makes allot of promises. The promise to sustain. Is that what I hear inside me? Yup! That is what I heard. Now if you think you can point the finger at a demon take a good look in the mirror. To tell ya the truth I think we all gotta a lil demon inside us somewhere. These demons they wear a pretty good disguise. They don't like to be seen. That is the pattern the glitch I see in demons. Remember I kept saying I see a certain behavior? Well I figured out how to handle the behavior part but it's the glitch they all have.

When a demon gets stuck on someone it creates like a stutter. Like a repeat button. They get stuck. Stuck in speech. Stuck in a dimension. Stuck in they just at times can't stop repeating themselves. Like a virus or a glitch in your computer screen. Like a stutter. Like a shut off and back on real quick. Repeat. I figured out their is so many different kinds of mental illness now and physical pain. Not getting treated spiritually but pharmaceutically. All this addiction and the demons in this addiction?  It's unbelievable I know.

What a better disguise than to make us blame ourselves and each other with all these demons sitting on everyone's heads. I mean their are so many it really is blinding. Demons don't like to be called out. I figured out demons like to toy and play games. I figured out that is how they use our bodies. We really are just shells and vessels to them. A Host. It's the souls they are after. I not only found the homeless people disappearing, His flock. I'm seeing a whole hell of a lot of demons sitting on God's children. God ain't letting her children go down. It just ain't gonna go down like that. I don't give a fuck what anyone says. I SPY WITH MY LIL EYE ANOTHER ONE OF HIS FLOCK. BEWARE THIS FAMILIES FLOCK BITES. Maybe this is my job after all. To sit here and see more and more of my sheep. I'm not so sure this lil Bo Peep lost his sheep. I seem to be finding more and more. Lost spirits amongst the hopeless. Who doesn't love and hate their job some days? LOVE HURTS AFTER ALL.

04/21/2016

Until the Lion learns to write, every story will glorify the hunted. African Proverb

I liked that one I wrote it down a couple day ago. I'm going to look at a room to rent tonight. Move in goal date, May first. Yes! So close to finally stepping out of this house. So close to making it actually through one of these programs. You know do it their way. I was told follow the State plan and as it turns out that is what I am doing. Nara tried shaking my boat this morning. Actually it was Nara and Judy. They thought the quick fix answer was going to be me? You know the solution to both of their problems? I sat there shocked. I said, "no way." They wanted me to move to Compassion House with Judy because Judy would go but she just didn't want to let her driver go. After last night's conversation with Janet? The irony in this conversation was just to much.

I told Janet "this is my third old lady that I drive at night. Judy's is the oldest and she still carries her own bags, but for the last week and a half Judy has been keeping me chained to her. She panics if I'm gone. Gets anxiety, starts texting and calling me. The good thing with Judy is she can drive in the light. Now she doesn't want to. I finally don't have to check in until ten o clock and Judy wants me to walk back up that Mother Fucking hill just to drive her back down it? In the light at that? My mother actually said to my sister when my sister caught her giving me another one of her threatening calls just for sport.

My sister asked my mother why do you do that? Why do you harass her like that? My mother said, " I like to keep this one on a tight leash. Hell tight leash my ass. These old ladies are killing me. Choking me even. Shit their bags are heavy. Now Nara wants me to move everything to another location and move again, so she can get Judy out of the house? I am this close over that thresh hold are you kidding me? Finally almost to the end. Granted this location is in a even more impoverished area than where I'm at now. A whole hell of lot more dark alleys and new faces I get to see. New locations, new bus stops, new people to meet. Where I go and just who I meet I never know? I never know just what my family is brewing up upstairs?

Late yesterday afternoon I was standing at an intersection and they told me the name of that, Demon Mother. I burst out laughing right there on the corner. Pretty much for the rest of the day I had tears of laughter streaming down my eyes. Are you ready" It is "Truth". LMMFAO! OMFG! The irony in this one is hilarious. Now I understand what that was when Belinda told me a couple of years ago what I said to my mother when I must of been about eight years old. Belinda said the room stopped and everyone thought my mother was going to back hand me but Zina just looked down and turned away and acted as if nothing ever happened. I was dressed up in makeup and jewelry and I asked my mother how I looked? My mother said something like "ridiculous." My reply was, "fuck you!  You never have anything nice to say to your children. That also explained the three other times I blacked out with anger well before I had my children. I went to therapy. I didn't want to have black out anger and have children. Not after what I had seen growing up.

I remember pretty much what I said to the server at Pizza Hut with Nancy Wagner. That server cried. That room mate who had a crush on Pam who was causing trouble with everyone? I chewed him a new one. That East Indian guy with his daughter when I backed him back into his sliding glass door with his two year old behind him? Big eyes staring at me. So no after that I never let lose. Not even on Greg. Greg's demon, that black cloud that sits over that house isn't going to like me none. That explains so much in my whole life. I knew I was a shit magnet long ago. I knew that people re-acted the opposite or that the crime didn't fit the punishment. Just way to extreme. You all might think I'm just passing over my past or making excuses. In order to find me, I knew one thing, "that God would see the bigger picture and he would understand why I made the choices I made through out my life.

I don't know if my child support debt is to Greg or society. I'm not getting paid for by Him. Fuck that. I just couldn't afford to live that was all. Greg knew that all along. Spite. Revenge. Greed or was it just the easy way out? You see they want me to figure out the clues and just who I am and by me or them making me dig deeper in to the answers into my family then I get answers into yours and how to turn things around. I mean I know I got the keys to a lot of codes. Like this one. When I asked Michael about a code and a woman presence around J.C? I got directed to The Davinci Code. Now I don't know just who I represent I'm either J.C.'s daughter or I'm his lil sister? I'll just bet I'm a lil of both. Ya know due to that essence carrying down through the generations.

Then on the other side I am Mary's daughter or am I the holy Mother, or God's wife? Ya know Mother Nature. Either way I stand with a very huge strong family around me. After they pointed out Truth to me they actually wanted me to tell Michael the truth about something I did yesterday. Michael actually caught me brushing them off with my left hand. telling them "go away." I literally felt like I was sitting in a room full of sisters and brothers poking fun at me at the irony of having Truth as a mother. Ya know the flip side. Needless to say I played my out card.

Then the irony of the situation between me and my two daughters. On the left I have Kiley. Religious one. Christian she says. Women's retreat to make women stronger in Christ she says to mellow me out before she goes into the fact she is going on a mission for God. I get this part but Kiley believes wholly in J.C. and God. Kiley just can't believe I mean actually comprehend that they missed or threw out the mothers lives and their stories and that they had a huge role in the creation in all those books.

Then on my right I got Alex who is in a whole other country to learn to work for the planet and this one tells me the other day she doesn't believe in God. I sat in the park laughing with tears rolling down my cheeks writing is their possibly anything else you all choose to enlighten me about? I mean while we are all getting a good laugh up there at me down here. Could they not of made this more of a uphill battle right here within my own lil four square family? They don't understand they are each missing a link. The connecting link to our families destiny.

Let's talk about Destiny. I have learned that when people really learn who I am they want to change Destiny. Sorry Charlie! Ain't nobody gonna change Destiny or her path. By my family knowing right this minute who I am, like my mother I guess or Kyle. Destiny turns. Even if Greg finds out now. He would or his demon would want to lock me up. Now we all know if I went down the road screaming "The abomination the world is gonna end." That would get me absolutely no where and like no one ever tried that one before. I mean really. Who hasn't heard the world is gonna end before?

I think it was Monday that I went into a Christian Science store to see what it's all about. She explained the health and wellness part. I got that one. I'm living it. Then she went into the Abraham and how his son Ishmael came about. I got excited. The name on my mirror. It takes me a couple times to here a story to pick up things here and there. This time I asked about Sara? How many daughters did Sara have? What were their names? No one knew. Imagine that. Before I left she gave me a book and told me to read the first chapter. I carried it all week in my new flag back pack purse that Michael picked out for me over the weekend.

Anyway she mentioned something about universal thought. Finally this morning I went to Judy's car and I read the first chapter and sitting right there it say's "lay the Bethlehem babe, the human herald of Christ, Truth who will make plain to be knighted understanding the way of salvation through Christ Jesus till across a night of error should dawn the morning beams and shine the guiding star of being.

Then it said something about Contentment with the past and my mother wanted to name me Content, Then it goes into all this other stuff I have been discovering and talking about. They made me think of the Illuminati and Mt. Si where the SVP said bones that were not from here were found up there. Then the book of Enoch? I mean really when I realized I had been writing about two halves are a whole but it's not always a straight line. The two soul mates. I cried that day. I knew then it was true all that crazy stuff I said. I can't change destiny's path. I had to come to terms on this too. Having someone picked for me. He's rich at that? That pissed me off. Then I was angry at him for even looking at me. I was angry for every time I turned around it was like he was always standing there. It pissed me off. He didn't creep me out but they made sure I knew who I am and that I know what is to come. I knew like Michael that I wouldn't get to far out of his sight after this. I didn't want to be in jail either. I know I'm protected and safe I'm further along than they are. They don't get that but I do. I have had enough of someone trying to control me or slow me down. Hey at least I knew we'd be in bed that night. You have to give me credit for not using my Wiley ways of seduction.