When The Thunder Rolls

04/13/2016

I'm not even sure where to begin with the emotions and things they have shown me in such a short while? I had already been to the library once this morning and imagine that the servers were down? Seriously? The key boards all need to be replaced and these mice drive me nuts. Just bonkers. The rage in these servers. This is a public place heavily used equipment and no one believes in maintenance anymore? No fucking way it cost to maintain compared to letting it all go and dealing with broken shit everyday? We create our own misery by allowing a system not be here for us already this early in the technology game of life we now live. Don't put it out there in the first place if you can't maintain it. I over heard the librarian say this happened yesterday at opening. Really? Wow! If this happened yesterday then why wasn't this checked when this place opened? It should be checked daily. I mean seriously people this is bullshit. All along they tell us to be patient. When I was in here with another librarian passing the buck instead of just getting on it and resolving it. She went down another rendition of disclaimer. Any disclaimer applied to a technical issue is invalid in the first place because who the fuck can we blame when the system shuts down? 

Certainly can't get a human being to help you anymore. I am so tired of scrolling down a litany of bullshit just to get one answer. The insurance companies don't even get me started again on the ones who are truly in charge of our well being. I went to the mall the other day and in three stores I never saw one employee on the floor. The mark up on color and cut. The mark up on everything is way the fuck out of control. Do you know what it is like to have your emotions be the key to what you write then I go to hit update and it won't save? The emotions from the heart and time on this one the last? The emotions I have lost and the were so eye opening as I typed. I don't care what anyone says these servers are dead when this is over and all the control and games and timers and passwords? The password highway to hell I have gone through is horrendous. Now I have learned that my names and passwords are the key. I hope to God every key stroke of every password and name I have had to input weakens the fuck out of this system. Just like my blood, just like my aura, just like my scent. Today I am so pissed off and angry I can't process.

Greg had better hope to God he gets this right. I just remembered today that years ago someone said something to me, "yeah, definitely a dark cloud over your house." I don't care what you do, I don't care what you think, you never throw the mother of your children overboard. What the fuck did he do? What the Fuck did he bring into my house? What was the issue? Mary Stone. I asked myself this morning what my answer would be today about her life. I fantasized about what it would feel like to send her to eternal hell and slamming that door shut? Fuck yeah, Twitch of my nose, flick of my hand. I don't care what the fuck kind of giant she is anyway. " I heard God say that right from the start with Greg , "THAT'S NOT MY MARY. I WONDER WHO THE FUCK ROCK IS BIGGER NOW MARY MOTHER FUCKING STONE? My children or Mary Stone? Mary Stone goes down. I might of laid down and played dead once before but that shit will never happen again. The way I see it there was never any reason for that cold divorce. You see Mary Stone wanted twelve thousand dollars from Greg, she gave Greg a bill and he coward. In 90 days time, I lost 12 years of what I built and never got to speak. Mother Fucking bitch. That conversation at Wendy's after I left rehab for the pills? Duh two surgeries back to back? Why again Greg? I only had my second business that I paid for from my father for two months of getting it barely off the ground before Mary Stone came along. I walked away, with nothing but labels from the character assassination they did on me. You see because of the labels he placed upon me, he was justified for his actions hands down. In 90 days time, compared to 12 years? I couldn't rent an apartment from North Bend Property Management which is owned by my old bosses at John L. Scott. Ten years later because of the Character Assassination that Greg and Mary Stone did I still couldn't rent with them. Your blanket laws and blanket justice system, that's why? Everything I believed in for alternative Healthcare for pain was in that office.

After twelve years of marriage and I had never dropped the ball in my life. Especially my children. Everything I had ever worked so hard for. He signed it over and crossed me off the list. He took my name away. Mary Stone gave me an allowance and he allowed it and he kept half for himself. He didn't see anything wrong with that? Did you know up to this point. This very point? I was not an alcoholic addict. I took the blame and responsibility however. He sent me a cold horrible letter to treatment, pretty much written by Mary Stone. Telling one more mistake and I'm out. Did you know it was right here that this started. He never considered not once what all I had been through or had he ever reached a hand out or cared. Not one time. That man is going to learn the lesson and feel the consequences right back at him if he doesn't get this right?

Yeah, I remember I don't cast spells, but I have learned one thing? That is that I can change things. The shapes, the sizes, the elements of rock hitting bone the day I turned that white powder to gold dust. I like my families fairy dust much better than the dark ones. I can sit in the sun and shake a water bottle and throw that BURNING FIRE back to that bitch. That was then, this is now. I have gotten allot stronger and become more aware. JUST WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK MY FAMILY IS?

I realized one thing I never have swayed on in all my writing. One thing I have made perfectly clear from the get go. My Family. My Family Rocks. The power of learning who you really are inside is so empowering. It's true what they say, 'Holy Fuck You Get Stronger." My colors have never run from the start either. Not the ones on my ass or all the colors in my family tree. All the colors in family's rainbow they belong to me. I can honestly say since I have discovered my true colors that makes me oh so much stronger. No one is getting my Michael either. I know soon I have to step away. It is going to kill me to do that. If you only knew just how much he has saved my life? I wouldn't of found myself if it wasn't for my Michael. Michael was the first sign right in front of me. If it wasn't for Michael letting me know in his own way that something is very wrong we would not be here today. I mean this rock. This planet. Remember I heard on that oil can, "sorry there wasn't enough time."