Three Chords & The Truth

04/23/2016

Learning so much more new stuff. I can't wait to check out some of this stuff. What is that Hearst guys name from the twenty's and just where did greed and propaganda make a change in our history? I do realize that this stuff has been going on for centuries. The thing is sometimes when I get directed to something it tells me a story and teaches me even more. I believe this story is going to be a lesson in our culture with money. Our obsession  with it today. Whatever Hearst did back then I assure you that today it is going on even more than ever and this has added to society's decline. Spiritually and physically. I also have realized that we have separated spirituality from our healthcare today. We have done this with everything.

We were supposed to become a culture that shares our resources. Instead we have become a culture who hordes our resources. We have taken the bad things and the bad things each nation and society within these nations and we have become a paranoid society who can do nothing but blame and point fingers at each other. We were supposed to share the good resources and the good food and how they do things with their food for a better quality of life in our spiritual, physical and mental well being through our food and medicine. We have become such a society that due to propaganda and money we have become more separated. That separation has become acceptable because now we have paranoia. This paranoid and fearful behavior is all an illusion that has been created to keep us thinking and living inside the box. Sorry I don't think inside any box because spiritually I was stuck in a box and it affected me physically. I see that now.

I wrote something the other day like "Greg no longer possesses me anymore." When I filed on Greg I was no longer his possession and he didn't like that. So Greg created the illusion that I was a weak minded person. I wasn't weak minded. I just learned that over time asking Greg for any help no matter how little or small he will either pawn me off or someone else off. He no longer had a work horse. Whatever label was planted on me was only because I stopped asking. I would be punished in some way when I asked for help. He would either sabotage the job on purpose or leave me with a huge mess to clean up. For instance the times he was supposed to step in and help and he literally left me every time with a destroyed house to punish me for needing his help.

These of course were at times when I was supposed to be the one at rest when I got home. That never happened. I started to realize that if I had to ask Greg to Love me and help me, then he wouldn't be doing it out of love for his wife and children. If he did it it would be a lie. I got tired of being let down and basically lied to.

I realize that if I had to ask Greg to step in and help or take over and I had to say "I am your wife I need your help." Sitting in marriage counseling when Greg said, "he didn't mind coming home and helping to pick up the house or whatever". Then two sentences later he was angry if he had to come and help. I asked "which is it Greg?" I was usually in the kitchen cooking and doing laundry while the children dug through the kitchen drawers and cupboards. You know pots and pans spoons and towels? I didn't mind that I knew where they were at and they weren't hurting anything. Kiley was happy to sit in a kitchen drawer and play in the towels. It only took a few minutes to clean it up and Greg was upset about this. What about the rest of the house Greg? How did all that get done? Plus all the errands, the yard work the bank accounts, the play groups and volunteer work? Opening three businesses in one years time on short notice? While your checks dropped from over five thousand a month down to fifteen hundred and for four months he lied to me. What about all the parties I threw for him?  All those birthday parties gathering and celebrations I went to and even threw for him and his family. I don't want a birthday party not at all. I don't like to be the center of attention but looking back Greg did not throw me or celebrate me in any way in our marriage. Greg sure did reap the benefits of my hard work. Lets not forget the baking I did for other people and the candy that I stayed up to make during the night for the holidays.

Greg's parents accused me of being a shopper and a spender. Really? It might of looked like that but I literally ran all the errands for everything. Including driving with Alex in that gold pick up truck in the summer all the way to Everett to tow a tent trailer back to North Bend so Greg can go camping and play. I already had been camping with Greg and a baby. He disappears and I get stuck trying to cook or pee or anything with a baby camping.