Gemma

 Time For Me To Fly/REO

How true that is. I'm so ready to fly. 2 get this over with. They've taken me back to the rainbow, the Rose, and the heart. My first baby bird's nest. Tandem computer's. A co-worker brought me back a book. A gold baby bird's nest with a blue cracked egg and gold stars. Literally taken me back thru the people named star's in my lifetime. The who's what's when and where's. 

The 2nd bird's nest was when I discovered this piece of shit man I married couldn't even pick a CHristmas tree. I'm put on full time bed rest and to save 10 bucks he took me up logging roads. He thot it would be fun too. Fun 4 who? My screaming 2 little dog's or his very pregnant wife. The back of it had been growing up against tree's and it was baron, yet there was one baby bird's nest. I felt myself cry inside and angry at the same time. What's done is done. I let it go as I usually did. Not to ruin once again what was supposed to be a beautiful moment. Our first Christmas tree, our first child in the biggest fixer upper you've ever seen. My 3rd was outside my storage by a field. I still have it.

Just A Dream/CU

I wish. It's all those dreams. I remember in2 my early childhood those dreams. Then the fall and my 1st wet dream standing in a grocery store aisle by the dill pickles. I'm at the nd and my arms spread like a 5 star, I orgasimed. That was just the beginning of those. When I was a child I saw the movie, entity. At first I thot not bad having some1 make love 2U in your sleep. A invisible man. Then he got aggressive, violent and it turned to rape. She couldn't get rid of him. He followed her everywhere raping her in front of her children. Leaving marks.

Monsters/Shinedown

Then it was happening to me. Hell I could barely walk. My leg's were shaking. They were so weak and tired. I couldn't walk away from this feeling. This need to orgasm and it wouldn't go away until I got in bed and finished the session. Either the entity or the invisible man did. I was never raped ot hurt. Behind in time. Having 2 skip the shower b4 I get to work, an errand or appointment. Then now that I know now in hindsight. I am his sister, his daughter, his WIFE. Flock me on that one. the other 3 of who I am and the beings up there they put me thru. His mother as well. Who wouldn't want 2 touch your wife. YOur soulmate, your heart.

Happy Does/KC

I watched a documentary on Robin WIlliams last night. Got taken back 2 eight grade my bright yellow trouser's, paradise shirt, and Mork From Orc Suspenders. #8 in the Angel's 101. What I named this blog. After the angels. Why can't I follow the angels. God's 1st daughter. The Davinci Code daughter. Santa Clara became St. Clair. I exist. Sunnyvale, Mtn. View, I got Rosaesha out of the blue that I let the sun take it away.

Home Cumming Queen/KB

Why Rob Ishi was let go? The 1 agreement that Greg came back 2. I told Greg he doesn't like women. He saw it 4himself and agreed. Greg actually followed thru and released him as our friend. We loved him (well I. Greg is a black heart. No empathy, Doesn't C pain. A charming liar. A educated cute jokester. A naturopathic poisonous piece of shit.) Isn't that it. We were both in agreement when I rented a room out 2 him assisting these apartment's. We got a discount so I gave him a discount. His sister sent him money every month for living expenses. A maintenance man came over and I opened the lid to the pot. A big old floating brown log. A number 2. I was so embarrassed. No matter what I said I looked guilty. No one else was home 2 blame. Rob Ishi laughed. Greg and I didn't. We both thot rude and un-cooth. Yes I know shit happens. Always 2 me. On this journey I find out their is a curse on this families name. My God Damned prayer's from the heart. Curse or  BLESSING? i KNOW HOW OTHER RECEIVER'S 2 THE LIGHT FEEL'S. DAMNED IF U DO. DAMNED If U DON'T.

 

Last night I was outside looking up at the planet's and the star's with my Star Walk II. I was taking photo's of my family in those constellation's thinking about the history and mythology I've been thru. I hit the search, the eye glass with a compass and it moved South. It stopped on the Southern Cross. I thot about Constantine going from being a pagan 2 a Christian. This is the cross he must've seen. When I looked up Pagan. It was about balance, the moon. The Christian fish on the back of car's represents the woman's vagina. In paganism the woman is worshiped bcuz she gives birth. She gives life. She feeds her children. She feed's the heart, the mind, the stomach and soul. Truly she can't breed and give new life without the father's seed. I hit the search going North and it stopped on the Crown. I didn't know there was a crown in those star's. Like a Bell going off in my mind there I am looking at the beginning of the story line. The Rose Line is written is even written in the star's. Destiny for what's 2 cum.

2 Out Of 3 Ain't Bad/ML

Oh this song. Take's me back to all my twin's on this rock and the heaven's. Literally Earthworks park at the Gateway. Those 2 ring's I saw later I saw 3. It was the day I asked " Dad where R U in all this all I feel is my brother. Where R U? U showed up in my dream about Jim. U wanted 2 have a conversation. I wondered why U didn't cum 2 me in a dream, like U did B4? Now I know why what he saw. U dressed as James Dean. It was your timeline in this life. The Rebel. The cliff, the cabin, your home and on the table it was the book U wanted him 2C and me 2 know about. It was called "62 Years Of Misery." Sean didn't even know your age. All he knew was your name. Not how U died.

Breakaway/KC

U showed up with your arm around my brother as a child. Another 10 and 12 discussion on this journey. He was dressed as a native. The loin cloth. In his right hand a rope with a rock. Later it was David and Goliath. Then I understood my commitment. How could I not, when I found out 2 weeks after this agreement from Michael's demon. The black wolf telling me he wanted to tear off my children's head's and deliver them 2 me in a box. I've been back 2 that black wolf in my childhood. Castle Rock and the hells angels looking in my 2 cousins bedroom window, but I saw a wolf.

I'll Fly Away/AJ

My reminder 2 why I made this agreement, first family, then it got closer in. My 2 Sunflowers. Alex and Kiley. My phone ding's and it's a message from Alex wanting my signature 2 go out of the country. I jumped up off this bench, my arm's in the air yelling, "no fucking way." C the sum X's the higher they go the lower I go. Blasphemous lil ole me. Everything She Does Is Magic.

Spirit In The Sky/NG

As I was taking photo's I took note of the telescope, science. C ing thing's microscopically. Cassiopeia with a wand, yet it turn's out she's a Greek queen called ????????. From the start they kept taking me back to Greece and the Netherland's. Norway and the Viking's. The hammer Thor. Then Odin on American God's. Shadow Moon. Lucille Ball and technology to make U a star and 2 fight our futuristic war's. Jack's house the name of the bar. I felt like him. Like the chain's were off. I was out of the box. Sweeny Todd. The Gateway. Todd Rd. Intersects with Washington. Intersects with Lincoln. Titus Street. The Canyon. All around me sign's. An orphanage and another house of blue. Lil' Orphan Annie learns to survive and became Annie Oakley. With 2 dancing feet and a Lil' Shiva inside me.

4 What's It's Worth/BS

Time 4 A New Day Time $ a New Dawn. That Rainbow and Rose. Knowledge is key Wisdom is power. I've found that rainbow and Wisdom written in every walk of life. No greater Wisdom than Truth. Some time's U have 2 drop your children low to raise them high some day. Yes some of U take Truth and lies 2 far. A flip side to everything. It had been dawning on me that one of these constellation's has chain's. One carries a snake. I'm taking photo's of the one's that caught my eye. I might not of known what sect anything of these being's came from. Not even the timeline in history. It's mind blowing that I'm the 1 connecting it. 

Thank U/LZ

I met JJ. Jimmie Jane is her name. I aborted my first and last. Yes Greg was there by my side. Not for the rest of my pregnancies. Not the almost miscarriages on either one. Alex 4 months. Out of the blue. I knew those braxton Hicks weren't contractions. Sure enuf full time bed rest. I get punched in the arm and told I can do it. He did not acknowledge. I have discovered that it wasn't just that I had to ask people to cum over and help Greg. Teach Greg. The Truth is it was literally anything I asked him personally. He only got on taking the initiative of putting in a wood stove, or when I switched to propane. It was the heat. He had issues with the most basic necessitates and he put a price on everything. I lived on credit bcuz that's all he saw in me. His lil money tree that he literally industrialized.

I met JJ walking back 2 my base camp. I knew instantly who it was. It was JJ. I wanted my own lil blue J. My own lil birdy who I always felt close by as a child and thru my life. My cousins name Jeremy James. Family name is JJ. I noticed going thru the constellations all those birds in the stars. learning where their is a life their is a soul and God own's the souls not man. Not Machine. Certainly not the 2 entities. The 2 B ing's he/she hates. The clue's? My nickname and Big Ben. It all ties in together 2 make us 1 family under 1 God to stand together.  One heart, we stand with courage, we stand strong in peace, serenity and prayer, whatever that prayer may be. What ever emotion U may feel feel it. U R stronger in your emotions. Purge that anger on the entity. Satan's greatest joke is to convince U he doesn't exist.

Bat Out Of Hell/ML

I figured out long ago that Kiley's Irish twin is Elijah Todd. I wanted to my brother 2 have a peaceful name. Knock knock book of Enoch. I found out about this Midnight Friday the 13th. My daughters 21st b-day. She's at the airport sitting in a bar alone waiting to get on a plane 2 Thailand. I'd been writing about the elephant's in conjunction with Alex. Her first day in Thailand she was playing with baby elephant's. On Banned from the Bible U can find this storyline and this storyline has to do with all these shows on vigilantes. Such as Batman, Robin, Aqua Man, Super Woman, The Rock. On and on we go.

Sweet Home Alabama/LS

My question is why haven't I met Rose? When I met J.J. I fell to my knee, arm's open wide bawling. I felt it with Gwen's grandparent's. The same thing happened. When the man in my dream's that I'd only seen the back of him. On my left knee. Red Rock Road. The old and young Native man B-hind me. Ive cum 2 discover the mountain with the broken heart is me, Right along with the Bleeding Heart's. JC show's up on my left with the man with the Bruno beard. I have no idea if I'm the Rose or if their is another Rose in history I don't know about?

Just Got Started Lovin' U/JO

I felt in the beginning like some1 out there has a club. It's Hercules Zeus' bastard son. A half breed. He also released Prometheus from the rock. I'm B-ing made to pay 4 heat since we God that bassackward, backward's L. shaped house. 2 Discover that I married that black cloud? My first conversation about that black cloud was with Shari. Hell no their was no balance anywhere in that marriage. I knew long B4 that he was not an honorable man. He was no white knight in shining Armour. He's that charming serpent. All over again. U got me to put the weapon in my hand. Hell U served it up and couldn't stop the party. From beginning to end it was like night and day. Living with a completely different person. Everything was a lie.

I Got 2 do My Part

The first time Greg said to me "I got to do my part" was at the river of snakes in California. It was James and Xavier who were with us. I went to the restroom and they all sat down. I came out and sat down and a minute later they all get up and start heading for the car. Greg walks by me stops and tells me I need to get up and help unload the car that I have to do my part.

This was our second year in California. If Greg didn't have a test we were out of town. When we got back from our wedding I went to work as a temp. Already making more money. Plus I was moonlighting as a cocktail server at Charlie Browns. I started to make more money with more overtime as the months went on. I didn't have to moonlight for long because of this and a lot of overtime. I couldn't have Greg come 2 me the morning of his first State test, he tells me he needs 250 for his test right now. No warning. He thot any money over school loans donated 2 everything. No conversation. Bills, No conversation. He had no logic, I didn't realize this yet. Truth be told looking back he acted like a spoiled brat.

That was my new car we were driving. The camping gear came from my grandma Mulligan and dad. I was working overtime which paid for the gas, groceries and at times having to pay for  a spot. It also paid for the extra wear and tear. I had to keep an eye on my speedometer because Greg kept disconnecting it.


I had almost miscarried Alex at 4 months out of the blue. That following Saturday Greg calls me to tell me he volunteered me to put on a garage sale for some patients of his that are moving. I said no way. I don't even have furniture and I almost miscarried Alex. I didn't need the stress. He told me I was being rude and that I had to do my part.

I had been my fathers care giver (guardian for 3 years, the 3rd location was a nursing home in Puyallup) My father is dying. The night he died the nursing home called each one of us saying he was uncomfortable but nothing about he's not likely to make it thru the night. The night of his funeral I was in the office working. Greg had called me earlier in the week and told me I had 2 physically help build the office. That I had 2 do my part. So the night of my funeral, I did my part working in the office. 

Greg is the one who had the fatal attraction for 4 months. Showing up with friends and family yelling for him and at him from the lobby. Out of all the times that Greg leaves it up to me to solve something else that he dropped the ball on. We are finally comfortable. Greg is pulling in consistatly about 5 grand a month. Mortgage, cable, electric, water, phone, school loans, 5 different insurances. Plus groceries, family, children and all the expenses that comes with that.

This man shows up to tell me my husband has been having an affair with his wife for 4 months. He was saying that his wife was saying he's a doctor he's a rich man. I said look around you, plastic hanging between the wall, but sloped popcorn ceilings. A orange kitchen with nails and fake brick falling off the wall. A small refrigerator that I have to thaw every month with a hair dryer. I listened to the tape of her confession but it was more leading than her actually admitting theirs an affair.

I sent my children to 2 different houses, neatly piled his clothes in the front yard with a picture of her. Affair or no affair, I have been thru to much for this to blow up in our faces. It now became my responsibilty to get both these people to Greg's work, sitting with Greg's boss, Greg to my right as usual elbows on knees head down while I do the talking. She wants him to be his knight and shining armor, she picked the wrong guy. I knew one thing, white knight in shining armor he was not.

The new receptionist started dating the new doctor and she transferred Greg's client's to him. Illegally so. Greg's income went from 5 grand down to 1500. The cost of our mortgage alone. In 2 days I came up with a plan, any where Greg went he'd have to start over ground zero in an area that he knew no one. Plus as a Chiropractor you pretty much pay overhead for running your own business out of someone else's shop. I had money again saved for the IRS. I came up with a plan.

With 2 lil girls I'm toteing around town looking for a location. We found one. Location is key. After that dealing with the city on signage. Always at the hardware store picking out counters, carpet, paint. Ordering all the office supplies, logistics. Ordering the technology printers etc. Ordering tables. Marketing, working the fairs. Set up tear down set up teardown.

Wes found a out of work builder who did the office for cheap at this time when Greg got off work he'd go help this guy.

*Greg calls me on the phone and tells me that I have to come in and help build the office on the inside. I have to do my part. I asked and what do you expect me to do? Anything. On the night of my fathers funeral until about 2 30 to 3 a.m. I was in the office refinishing all the trim, in order to do my part.

After Alex was born I tried to do something for myself in order to keep myself spiritually growing. I took voice lessons over by Greg's work. Figuring once a week for an hour Greg could bond with Alex. It was like a mile from his work. 6 times I tried to take the class. Greg showed up twice. He was scheduling lunches with potentail referall sources. It always seemed to happen on my day.

He told me I had to sacrifice for his career. Sacrifice I did. Our whole marriage was about Greg. While in California I wanted 2 go back 2 school. I knew I needed tutoring in math and science B4 I made a decision on what I wanted 2 do 4 a career. He told me no. He said I could go back 2 school when we get back 2 Washington. Greg's idea of school was a 3 week program. Something in sales. I didn't want 2 sale anything. I wanted a career. Something of my own.  That's why I built that second office with my father's money. In 90 day's along with Mary Cochran Stone they signed it all out of my name and set my up with an unwarranted 86ing from my own office. He just got done accusing me, yelling at me. Telling me in a children's class the kids got up, giggling, ran around the room. It's happens once or twice a class. They're 3 to 5 year olds. When I went 2 speak. I say speaking calmly not yelling Dont U turn your back on me. He opened the door 2 the reception area. Do U know the damage he did 2 my reputation with that? My friends? My volunteer work? My children's school and my contractor's in my office?

He told me in California if I disagreed with him I'm going 2 cum in and take it. Everything. She sat quietly, in chains. Getting an allowance. She literally has 2 report 2 Mary. All she heard is how she deserves. U never let her speak one time. 

She's always the liar. U herded us like cattle. That Scarlett Letter A and all the character defects. U judge. U can't speak in your courts. Your not Jesus Christ. U can't speak, or defend anywhere. U R guilty B4 innocent. U R the one who never lets anyone off the chain. 

Peter Peter Pumpkin eat her. Put her in a pumpkin shell and keep her there very well. He tried. Just trying to escape and figure things out or walking away I paid. Labeled, blamed and fined for the rest of my life. 

I'm Being Rude

I always knew within the first three weeks I'm pregnant. It was a dizzy black energy drain. I can't keep my eye's open. We had a friend visiting from California, Greg call's telling me I need to come over. I told him I'm pregnant, I can't keep my eye's open, let alone get off the couch. He tells me I'm being rude. He show's up back at his parent's house, sits at my feet, telling me I'm being rude. Truly I barely noticed. My head dropped back to the couch and I fell asleep again.

(Note*Greg and I were watching a comedy, it was a delivery room skit. She's saying to her husband "you did this to me". I'm laughing and Greg said"if I blame him for the pain, he will walk out." This man and family took the enjoyment out of anything that was supposed to be my day. I wasn't allowed to have any emotions about anything. They confused assertiveness with aggressiveness. Just in the deflection of behavior at their dig's that I ignored they were blaming)

I had been up for 3 night's straight and going to work. On the 3rd night the contraction's kicked in. I was up all night on all four's alone. Greg slept on the couch. At 4:30 a.m. I came out to wake him and tell him I'm ready to go in. I have a contraction and go down on all four's grabbing my abdomen. He stand's up over me and ask "if I'm sure if I'm in enough pain to go in? 191/2 hours of labor with this one. Born 3:16 p.m. 13 people showed up in the delivery room. Greg is making his phone calls and I'm tired feeding Alex. Someone wanted to talk to me and I wasn't up for conversation just yet. Greg tells me I'm being rude.

About four months pregnant with Kiley, I have Alex with me at my aunt's house. My grandma Lily was on her death bed. My grandparent's were like my parent's. I spent 2 month's at a time with them. They took care of me when I was sick. They were my neighbor for a couple of years. They protected me from my mother's abuse. I call Greg to check in and tell him I'm not coming home yet. We were having people over to paint the following day. Greg told me I had to come home. I'm being rude letting these people who have had plans to come here. Truth is Greg didn't want to pick up the paint and supplies. Get the mini keg and pre-order pizza's. Go to grocery store. No that's my job.
  I had no choice but to leave Alex with my mom. On the way home, traffic is heavy for a Saturday evening on I5. IC a trans am or corvette speeding on the side of the road to my right. I'm in the far left lane. Slowing down, keeping my eye on him. He pulls in at a location that is barely one car length, clips an RV. I watch it flip over four times in the air. It lands upside down 6ft in front of my truck. I called it in and got them out. I'm sitting on the hood of the truck with three policeman standing four feet in front of me. They didn't even notice or ask whose truck is this?
  When I got home Greg was lying on the couch. Doing that V under his lip with his right hand, and all he said was "so you almost died today?" That was it. Here I am pregnant with his child, and we have Alex. He has no thot process for any of our well being.

Rana and I would say hi by saying hey B. (this was the summer that Greg is setting me up) We have children so we can't say hey bitch, so we say hey B as our greeting. I get Rana a bar of soap that says BITCH engraved in it. She thinks it's hysterical, and yet Greg tells me that that was rude of me.

It was also at this point that if I made a joke Greg would just look at me. I remember I was with our group of friends I made a joke about myself. Once again the whole room stops and looks at Greg whom is staring at me. Later (this is his new thing) he tells me that no one knows when I'm joking. Greg liked me because of my sense of humor. All Greg does and his mother is joke around. Being the life of the party. Now all of a sudden I can't make a joke. Being with Greg he sucked the air out of the room,especially with me. Someone compliments me on the valences I made, and he says "oh that's nothing." Wes said when we put in a new lawn. wow! Your wife is allot stronger than she looks. I'm hauling, dumping and spreading dirt.  Greg just looks at me and goes MMMM! Nothing else.

After both my pregnacies Molly had said to Greg when he wanted to go home early, What about your wife. Both times he waved his hands and said, oh she'll be fine.

When Adam tried talking to Greg about Greg removing my name off of every thing and replacing me with Mary, What about your wife? Hire her to do the books, which is what I had been asking him to do since winter. He said nothing and didn't talk to Adam as much after that.

Really?

So many times in our marriage, at the most logical things in life, Greg was clueless. So many time's he said really? This was the conversation that Christine and I had in the car. How things aren't adding up? Greg and Steve have 2 parent's whom worked hard for everything that they had. Christine and I were of like mind. We were both work alcoholic's for our age. Yet these two weren't into working hard, it was more of the get rich quick scheme's. It wasn't until 5 years into the biggest fixer upper you've ever seen, I'm talking to Bob about having a wall taken out. I asked Bob how come these boy's don't seem interested or know how to do anything when you can do everything? He said, "Elaine didn't want them to have chores. Still naive me  is thinking he has a low self esteem, he's never had the satisfaction of building something with your own two hands. That wasn't it. He was just lazy.

Greg was bouncing check's in his account. I had to explain to him that when you write a check, you have to write it down on your account sheet and subtract it out because it takes a couple of days to go through. His answer, Really?

Sitting in a counselors office. I had been going to marriage counseling on my own. To learn about communicating with your significant other. Things that come up in a marriage like money, chores, etc. I had done 2 series of counseling with two different counselors and group therapy.
  This counselor say's something about housework. Greg say's something and the counselor said so what do you think there's a kitchen witch in there mopping the floor and it's all just magically done in the morning? Greg said Really?

Greg sold his car. I told him don't even look at mine, I work. He said oh I won't. We're only 3 blocks I can ride my bike or walk. I didn't know at the time that Greg really sold his car because he didn't know how to work on it. For 3 weekend's in a row he goes to the auto store and gets oil. For 3 weekend's he's changing the oil. On the 3rd weekend I look in the bag and I ask where's the filter? He said you don't need to change the filter every time you change the oil. I said yes you do or the clean oil goes into a dirty filter and gets the engine dirty again. he told me I didn't know what I was talking about.
  When our friend's came over to study I asked these guys this question. They confirmed what I said. Later I told a woman about this. Her reply, oh you just embarrassed him. Always me in the wrong. Have to watch these pussy oys ego's but what about my truth? What about what I know to be true being told I don't know what I'm talking about?

My car was about four to five years old, and it needed a new clutch. At about 3 years I got new brakes on it. They were grinding, they were bawled and warped. Greg nagged me about how I was taken, it wasn't necessary. A man who didn't know one whit about a car. I've had 5. I was with Jerry and Kevin putting in 3 engines. I knew how to change the oil and tire. I knew how to check my fluids. Everything that was a necessity was a scam. We were in the car getting ready to leave for somewhere, and he says to me after the clutch that my car is a lemon. This is all that I have had to have done in all these years. I explained to him that this is normal wear and tear on a car. I explained all the traveling we do in town and on the highway. He said, really?

I had 2 other houses picked out that were finished. One needed seed put down and part of a fence built. This one was private ownership. Greg was worried about Steve's commission. I'm alway's told to think of someone else, but who pays? Me. Who has to start from scratch and re-do it the hard way? Me. Spin the straw into gold Colleen. Absolutely no quality. I couldn't get him to understand to at least go middle ground in quality, not bottom of the line cuz it will break down earlier and a potential for thing's to go wrong and you end up spending more money and time to either keep it going or replace it.
  Greg's mom preached fixer upper and investment. The other 2 houses that were done were the same price as the one that Greg picked out. The only thing going for it was it had a new carpet, and ugly new white linoleum in a kitchen and dining area. A house surrounded by dirt and tree's, the you add kids and dogs, normal family stuff. I could mop every day and it would last 20 minutes if people were home. He pick's out a backwards L shape house. Separated by 2 doors and 3 walls. He said we can remodel it. I know I like to do this kind of stuff. Yet at the time I thot he still knew how to swing a hammer like his father.

The first thing was the wood stove. He didn't finish the wall for a year. Tanner came over and asked and explained dry wall.
Greg said he would be done running and gunning once we get back and he's working. I went through all this counseling to set boundaries. To communicate and keep the relationship in tact. When Greg made this agreement, I thot no way can he run and gun anyways we aren't planning to live close in and we're working. What I hadn't planned on was his parent's how Elaine didn't even know Greg. All the outdoor thing's they do? A party every Friday, pretty much the same thing. Potluck with lots of alcohol and sometimes games. If we didn't have some kind of social function on the weekend locally Greg would insist every weekend that we are to go to his parent's house.
  Not for the evening, the afternoon perhaps, no it had to be the whole weekend. I've got work to do in this house. I need Greg to watch the girls. No it likely wouldn't be help with anything, because he won't even acknowledge any kind of help I ask for. I left him with four major jobs that I got up to where I needed him or him and his dad to do while I'm at families, all four jobs he changed on me, and on 2 of them he cost us more money.
  I was standing in the kitchen and Greg is over by the pocket door and he's wanting to go to his parent's. We have all this work on the house that needs to get done. I said "no, we have work to do on this house that can't keep getting put off." He's like what? What do you mean? I said "you do realize you bought a fixer upper, your idea. So we don't just have remodeling work to do, we have work to do when something breaks down, maintenance. We have seasonal maintenance to do also to prepare the house for the next season. He said, really?

Alex was four months old her first ear infection every time I went in and picked her up she'd go right back to sleep with her binky. She kept going back to sleep. I was wondering but okay we'll see how this plays out. After the tenth time of me just starting to doze she woke up. I stand up and drop my head back and I say "fuuckk." Greg sits up and yells Colleen how could you that's your daughter in there. "Was he getting up? Did he ever?' Five years later standing in the office reception area after hours, this is the one thing he is complaining about in my parenting. Wes was with us.

The second thing he started in on was the Ford Exploder. He says you just had to have this car. This is 3 years after I bought it. It made no sense at all. I told him not to look at my car. I'm left to drive this 1969 Datsun put together with bondo. The doors didn't shut all the way. You had to lock from the inside. The seat belts didn't lock. I got stranded with the starter more than once with Alex. I drove this for 15 months. I'm pregnant with Kiley. I wasn't going to do another winter in this death trap. I needed that truck. It was a necessity. What am I going to do, put one of the car seats in the bed of the truck.

For some reason Greg brings up these 2 things. Wes said yeah Greg but were you the one getting up? Greg goes really? Then the second subject the truck? Wes said I would never let my wife let alone my wife and child drive that truck. It's the biggest death trap I've ever seen. Greg goes, really?

9's

Ben Franklin from the start
His kite and key. I said to Alex that's mother natures lighting rod and our nine lives are up.

The dream I had just after I left V's
9 silver bullet's
then 9 ISIS shot and killed in Paris

(The dream was 9 silver bullet's. A policeman shot and killed 7 times in a hotel room over lover. 1 silver bullet. A bloody knife. Leper Colony. Dominique. Fall City)

Working one night behind Gull and Pride sign. Using my 3's to take out my 6's. Turned my 6's into 9's. Pushing evil/evol down and rising love up.

9 hat's is the number I was feeling after we opened our office.

The 9 ant hills I'd count carpooling with Greg. Piss ant. On blue oil can they said aunt. Later they took aunt turned in 2 ant. I was sleeping and hanging out around huge ant piles and they did not bother us.

The 4's

I heard horses cum up behind me. When I turned nothing was there. Next dayV called asked me 2 go thru her locker and what did I find a lil short sleeved black dress white stain on left thigh. Bill and Hilary, a major pause moment the signing of HIPPA and pharmacy. Then I picked up a key with a four and trailed thru the woods in my red slippers. Haven't earned my ruby reds yet. I was guide 2 a white Tee pee on the other side of the river. 

Then I went to a storage with key number 4 looking at a storage unit number 4. 
Later I learned about the 4 horsemen and their names. I realized recently that just in the names of the four Horsemen R in my writing. I just didn't know their names. 

My 4 agreements
May we cum in you in order 2 save your family?
I had 2 have Faith 2 go thru any open door..Open for business
 or invited 2 enter.
Accept anything freely given at times an article of clothing.
Had 2 B willing 2 look crazy.

4 things my sister told me
You R not only a Cherokee of 12
U R a Navajo of 7
U R a Kennedy G Mulligan's side

Your first home wasn't where U were born. Your first home was the Gateway. Look where I got sent to? 
U wanted 12 children. Bite her tongue. 

4 Historian's that showed up with a message.
Abraham Lincoln in chains. I knew slavery and civil right's as well liberties
George Washington. Did he really cut down the apple tree? I knew it was about Washington DC. From your Washington 2 mine this is the end of the line.
Ben Franklin, the kite and key with the lightening rod. I said 2 my oldest daughter born, That's mother nature's lightening rod and our 9 lives R up.
John Adam's. He said it is Unconstitutional what U have done.

The 4 elements came up from the start.
Earth
Air
Fire
Water

Slept in 4 houses B4 I stepped out.

4 directions
North
South
East
West

Names of 4 schools around me
Hazen Raisins grapes of Wrath
Renton Indians
Liberty
Lindbergh

Mt Rushmore
George Washington
Theodore Roosevelt
Abraham Lincoln
Thomas Jefferson

4th of July
This definatley had to do with Independence day. The separation from Great Brittain. My family reunion on this day.

The 4 shots Greg had in his drink while driving all of us. He already had a few under his belt. It's the night I tried 2 get him 2 help me and he punched me in the arm, and said U can do it. Don't let the girls down 2 go 2 a movie. They have shown me my numbers from beginning 2 end.

Thinking about the phrase from beginning 2 end? If I'm Eve from the garden, am I first or Lily? My grandmother is the Lily. Then Tiger Lily, Then I'm the Rose. Never picked. Never chosen. Now I find out how truly chosen I am.   

Names and Number's From The Beginning

Anne

Mary

Patricia
Wendy
Lakota
Ariel
House
Home
Animal's
Sanskrit
Locus
Storm

Rose

Fall City

Beatrice

Eve

Bishop
Lily
Rose
Tammy
Diane
ISIS
Freya
Alexandra
Kai/Kiley
Kyle
Rae
Todd
Kiley's Irish twin that I miscarried, Elijah Todd. I wanted my brother to have a peaceful name. Turn's out in the Book Of Enoch he's a Prophet that God just took home.
Jordan
Jillie Bean
Andrea
Sophie (Judaism)
Bride
Titus
Benevolent Belinda
Salome
Shalom
Beatrice
Leatrice
Zion Mary (stayed at church of Zion, clued in it had something to do with my mothers name. Another toilet showed up out front. It flooded and I walked into it.)
LaGene
LaRae
LaNae= Lakota Rae's of light my family tree line

One morning I walked out of the wood's. I heard U R being watched. I laughed because you couldn't miss that black truck doing switch backs. I didn't find out this guys name until a year later. I knew who he was. He was the dishwasher at TA whom drove me home sometimes. Then I heard
Seer
Druid
Celt
Scribe
Prophet
Messiah



Later at The Hose Of Hope names of flowers kept coming up
Rose
Lily



At 3:16 a.m. when I it was an unwarranted 86ing, an abuse of power is what they wanted me to see. I heard brother's, code's and door's. (Keith Urban John Deer, John Cougar and John 3:16)
To the Mayan's 2012
The Gregorian Calendar ended in 2012.

4 things my sister told me b4 she slapped my red mitten's on my suitcase.
1.  I'm a Kennedy on my grandmother's side. Catherine Anne Frusher (Mulligan) Married John Thomas Mulligan.
2.  I was born in the land of 5's but my first home was the gateway. Then we moved to the Highland's.
3.  I'm not only a Cherokee but a Navajo.
4.  That I wanted 12 children. 

Ben Franklin (flash with lightening rod, kite and key the number 9)
John (Reciting part of John's prayer)
Abraham
Washington
Vitruvian Man (Leonardo Davinci)
Thor
Zeus
David
Goliath
James
Gregory (Gregorian)
Osiris
Malachi
Odin
Micah
Neburo
Compass
Jude/Judah
Set
Thoth
M=2square
Relativity
Apple
Nut
Salmon
Shalom
King Solomon
Theodore Roosevelt
Thomas Jefferson (My father and grandfather)
Neil Nevel
Isaac Newton the apple
Leonardo Davinci
Nostradamus
Enoch
Elijah (Kai's Irish twins names.)
Sacajawea
Pocahontas
Hope
Mayan's
Obelisk
The Grey's

Why do you congress, U past law makers and western medicine get to label my spirit animals that IC in people as a mental illness? I mean natives and Hindu's have spirit animal's. Even God has spirit animal's in the bible. Why do you whom came last get to label my spirituality as a mental illness? Oh yeah it's to create the label with your HIPPA form to bill the insurance. I mean I was raised to see the spirit animal in a human being just with my own family nick names for me. Hell even Disney teaches you to see the spirit animal in another human being.

What were my childhood nicknames?
Worm
Monkey
Colt
Knothead
Spidey legs
Mr. Lot in high school was the only one to give me a nice nickname
Petite butterfly
My aunt Judy whom was special ed couldn't pronounce my name so she called me
Cowmay
Stephanie a friend from high school
Cow weanie
Elaine Pfiffner pronounced my name
Klean, this is where I picked up the curse of Cinderella
Lil bitch from my mother and sister. UC I wasn't allowed to defend myself.

Ganesha felt and saw an elephant in the beginning
Wolf
Bear I stood in front of bear my first day that I slept outside that night,
Lion
Buffalo
Ox
Cow
Eagle came up major. Tell story of Eagle shadow in the mountain and what I saw that first night after my dream.


Atom, Adam, and the Atom bomb later I discovered Atum and I read into the Atom's apple for 3 day's on Kyle.
Number 7 (only at first I didn't realize it had anything to do with the 7's.)
The first number I noticed was 4. Mt. Rushmore the four President's. George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Theodore Roosevelt, and Thomas Jefferson. Later I heard the names of the four horsemen. My first night at V's I heard horses run up behind me.
Then the number ten with Michael. He said the number is 12 and I say 10. With Kyle I saw 7 and 3 make 10. I didn't know it had anything to do with him.
Then it was the number 69. Didn't know if it was my phone number I kept getting wrong. Then I had a real strong sense of 69.
Then it was the 3, 6, and 9's. That's when I got the book of angels only they would know what the 3,6, and 9's meant and what to do with them. Plus I kept hearing Ariel, house, home and animals.
Number 13 major, Alex's birthday and Abraham and the 13th amendment. 
Then it was 19, Kyle's trucks. Then on Zeitgeist first number 19.
Then it was 17. On a night when I went out to the pit to dance. Gary had me wear a shirt. It had a eagle with the number 19. I didn't know that until the next morning when I could see the shirt. On this night I kept hearing 2 more. You have 2 more. I thot they were talking about 2 more woods to clear. I had been clearing a lot of woods for day's now.
Then it was 15. You count my nieces and Kyles nieces on our nine and you have 15. A trinity on both ends.
47 It was in one of Anne Rice's books, the witch series that a woman named Rowan found out she was the most powerful witch. She had no idea.

Escape From Alcatraz

I saw my mother at the age of one sitting on a woman's chest and punching her back and forth across the face. It was in our living room at the house in Renton. I was sucking my thumb wearing blue footie PJ's.
Age 2 my mother tried rubbing my birthmark off of my arm. She had a cigarette hanging out of her mouth, all pissed of. Saying God Dammit, I have to get this dirt off. I was screaming. She was rubbing my skin raw.
Age2 hit by a car between the dairy and Monticello Apartment's. When I awoke my brother was standing over me smiling all excited I woke up. It was the first and only time I saw my brother smile as a child.
Age 3 I was sitting in the passenger seat of my mothers car and I was watching her. I said to myself this woman should of never had children. She should of gotten permission from someone. At least a psychological exam from the State. How I knew about a psychological exam or state by that age I'll never know? Well now I do.
It was about 9th grade I was home alone, and I started screaming up at God, "why did you place me here with this crazy woman?" He didn't answer then, however I've been through a purge like you do in heaven. I'll get to that in a few. The answer is in another prayer I said later in life. It's true what they say, prayers come from the heart. Those are the one's they hear. Not the rituals and rules that you in religion boxed yourselves in. Now you have fear of truth and the light?
In high school I talked to Mr. Lott, he was the study hall teacher. He was the only one to give me a nice beastie name. Petite butterfly.
Growing up I had family. We were a tight knit family. We had dinner together every Friday. We went on family camping trips. We went motor cycle riding. My family is a bunch of sun worshipers so of course we took family vacations to Kahneeta in Oregon. We all went camping together. Picnic's in the park. If my cousins, my grandparents or aunt and uncle went on trips I went. On weekends or vacations I was rarely home. I didn't notice my mother so much. I was protected by my grandparent's and other family member's. Just by being gone. They never interfered in Zion Mary physical or verbal abuse. CrueI comes to mind. There were 2 people who did. Zion Mary's parents.
I took family vacation's to Roseburg, Oregon but of course that name again.

I took Bio feedback therapy in Jr. High for Raynod's disease. Why do you get to label and control what IC? Its the first steps to meditation.
I was reading Edgar Gayce books about 14 to 15 years old.
I had a special ed aunt, Aunt Judy, my Kennedy side of the family tree line. Aunt Judy the curse of the Rose. My catholic side of my family tree line. She is about Judaism. I worked with special ed kid's in school.
My Junior year I took a CNA class. I learned CPR and much much more right here. I worked with the elderly. The first time I heard a voice in my head. Her name Mrs. Laws, I worked with her for 3 weeks, she was with it but slower. Within 3 weeks she was strapped down to her bed screaming like a baby. The word I heard was dignity. She's right. Your blanket laws don't treat humanity with dignity. Why are your institution's better for my beasties? Why do you get to do this, yet families who keep their parents home with them can't childproof the room and lock them in for their safety at night.. Why do you get to do this to people because you want them on a certain schedule? Strap them down, drug them up shut them up.

After I was raped I was interviewed by a policeman he said that was the most calm and analytical interview I have ever had with a rape victim. 

Two people walked in. A man opened the curtain and sat down at the foot of my bed. The nurse grabbed up my clothes. Told me if I try 2 leave. I will be institutionalized. I look at her and said I'm the victim and your going 2 victimize the victim some more? Potential liability bullshit. All 2 get labeled some more.
The boy across the hall was yelling Annie and pushing his face in his pillow. A sign of rape. I mean come on. His arm movements had some control. His words were rounded but I can clearly understand him. He's still yelling Annie. Troy or a Roy was raping Annie. 

He was moved 2 A chair. He's grabbing his legs saying I want 2 help Annie. Annie is my friend. Annie is my friend. I love Annie. He starts pulling on his legs but my legs don't work. Then he's circling his crotch with his right hand, Troy or Roy is messing with me 2.

She was a licensed cosmologist by the time she graduated high school.
She got her advanced training in hair design by the time she was 18 years old. The youngest in the company until Patricia came up behind her.
She managed a hair salon from 19 to 20 years old.

She quit all of her job's and went to work as a server in order to take night classes in computer's and try to live a normal life as a young adult.

To do the normal thing's someone my age should be doing at this time in our lives. I'd visit my friends at Western, so I wouldn't be driving.
 When I first started dating Greg who always brought alcohol that I did not like on any excursion, I went to visit. We went to dinner and he was going home to study. Their was a party and I tied one on. I never stopped hearing for years about the first time I tied one on. Nothing happened either except I got sick. Wasn't a big drinker. He brought this up right up to the end. I truly don't know what he's complaint about? This is the first time he treated me like a rag doll kitty cat. For 2 hours he fucked me like I wasn't even there. His possession.
3 and a half years later I'm at Alcatraz with my grade school friend and I tied one on with her. I had been Greg's designated driver all these year's. Nothing once again happened. I wasn't falling off bar stool's getting out of control. I wasn't being loud causing a scene. Yet all on the way home I had to hear about this. 10 year's later he is still bringing up those 2 time's. In between I didn't really like alcohol, it was rare for me to even want to drink alcohol. Yet when I did I paid the price of his judgment of me. You never let me speak. Instead I was labeled and I deserved anything this man did to me. You let it happen.
Could this be the reason why I sat in a Fall City meeting talking about me doing my clueless walk, and I stopped, looked behind me seeing all these bomb's going off. All I knew is it had something to do with me, yet it didn't have to do with me.
My first Annie or so I thot, after I was raped the policeman said this is the most analytical calm interview I have ever had with a rape victim. He walks out the nurses come in and take my stuff and say if I try to leave we will have you committed. I know why I was told in the very start to "watch out for King County." They have all the rights to lock their victims up and label them.
It was here that they opened the curtain and placed a man at the foot of my bed. Now I have a clear view of the boy across the way. I was just raped and I recognized the body language of what he was saying. I understood his rounded out words. He was yelling for Annie and pushing his face in the pillow. I told him I hear you. Keep going. Then he say's a man named Troy or Roy is raping Annie. Then they sit him in a chair and I'm watching. He is looking at me pulling at is legs. He say's he loves Annie. Annie is his friend he starts pulling on his legs and he say's he want's to help Annie but his legs don't work. Then he circles his crotch and he say's Troy or Roy is messing with him too. So do you want to tell me again how your institution's are better for my little beasties? Do you know what this hospital put in my chart? That I got brain damage from being raped. RU nuts? I took a beat down getting hit with fist like rocks. Stop rematch as I barter for my body all the way. He didn't like my Truth either when I told him why he rape's women? He committed suicide 40 minute's away.
Yet when I was allowed back on that lot I had to be screamed at out loud in the middle of the store by the property manager how I was raped and that man killed himself. I was also followed on a Sunday by their accountant being screamed at that I'm not allowed on this lot.
No Country Pride you didn't invest in your employee's especially your server's instead you were to busy reinventing the wheel with A1. Hell you can't top A1. No you made your server's take the blame for all those missing link's in the chain, that don't add up to service down here. No Country Pride, this is my family pride and I'm taking it all back. The way you treated a rape victim? Your done.
When my mother moved back to Renton, I had Deanna my mothers best friend of thirty years, but my mother blew that relationship to holy hell. I had Kelly Millers mother and father next door. I was usually there for Sunday homemade pancakes. About fifth grade on I had Sue Noon. I learned how to cook by watching Sue, my grandmother, at times my mother, and I got recipes from people on this journey that I held onto. So Greg I had family. I had friends from grade school through high school still in my 30's. I had friends that I made later in life, I had a whole slew of friends in North Bend when I rebuilt my life. By the time Greg and Mary got done with their character assassination on me, destroying everything good I ever built in 90 days. After this and during this, my phone was silent. No one bothered to ask or look back. If I tried to speak, I'm a blamer a liar a minimizer. Their is Truth Greg, the bruising of my forehead and your achelious heal is what boy? Truth.
**I learned one thing from my mother growing up, how not to be. How not to treat others.**
When I was at Boeing I started to see councilors there, I wanted to do a intervention on my mother. My step father wouldn't he didn't disagree but he was scared of my mother. She belittled this man any chance she got. It was horrifying. His last name Sundet and boy did my mother put him in debt. The bodies my mother left in her path? The lives she destroyed, and at times she used the system to do it. I recon being an empath and seeing the damage my mother did, not only did I have compassion, and understanding, but I had to feel their tears and pain. That conversation I had with my sister? We didn't judge, but it was so heaven doesn't want her yet hell ain't gonna take her. Karma or Faith this woman should be dead by now. Oh her clearing is gonna hurt. Sometimes knowing what she's gonna go through and that it's gonna hurt is the best justice of all.
When I was about 21 I went to a councilor in Renton. I had just had an abortion by Greg at 7 weeks. Boy was that a dark cloud on my head. Her name is Rose. Greg was going to college and I didn't want to tie him down or start a relationship with resentments. I wasn't going to turn to my mother for help. I looked about four months pregnant. My mother noticed. She said to my sister if I am she's going to take and raise the baby. My sister and I laughed. We both said does she really think we're just going to forget? No my mother wasn't even an option. Any chance she gets to pull that rug out from underneath us. She never met any agreement she made with us. Poison is what she is.
I gave the councilor an example of my mothers discipline. When I finished I looked over at him. He picked up his jaw off the floor and he said "Colleen that's not discipline that's abuse." Just then the timer dinged. Time was up, see ya next weak. I went out to my car and cried. I said another prayer right there. I said "God give me all of my families burden's. I'll stop this cycle of abuse. It will stop with me. I'm stronger God give me their burdens." Little did I know my prayers are the ones that count on this planet. Lucky me. When I took on my families burden's I didn't expect all side's going back generations.
**I knew I didn't want my mothers trigger hair temper. No I didn't have it, it takes allot to get me angry. I knew I wanted my children to have emotions and that it was up to me to guide them. I didn't ever want to break my children's spirit. For personal growth when I got to California I went to pre-marital counseling alone at my church. I wanted to be aware of what comes up with couples and how to communicate in a healthy way. I went to two different one on one series of session's with two different councilors. The first one asked why I'm there this is after I told him another discipline story, and of course the same open mouth response. He said "run". Then he asked my fears? To be like her. That trigger hair temper. He laughed and said Colleen if your sitting here you are nothing like your mother. I also did a series of group counseling. After I did a session of dianetics for free. You know steps to a clearing. By the age of 14 I did bio feedback therapy. It's allot like meditation and well when you let go in meditation you get truth and truth turns into prayers from the heart. I also had a spiritual advisor. Her name is Tammy and she is a medium. She does the same thing with her right hand that I did in the beginning after I made this agreement.**
When Greg moved back I realized that Elaine has issues with Greg in denial and she didn't really know him. I didn't want this behavior to have a negative effect on our family. For 3 days I spent interviewing councilors. By the 3rd day I found one, who understood, any blame behavior and this family shuts down. We just need to set some boundaries without hurting anyone's feelings. Elaine kept trying to pull the rug out from us with this bad behavior and I was pregnant with her grandchild. This was short lived. She went back to the lying and bad behavior spreading rumors. I ignored it. Chose to rise above it for my children's sake. I even wrote a 7 page letter to them before Kiley was born about this bad behavior. Greg read it and agreed. I got a phone call and an apology, but she went back to the bad behavior of the blame game. When she really needed to look in the mirror. I found out from Steve in Arizona that he had the same conversations with her.
This trip was a turning point. Hearing Elaine say I'm making waves and I never made waves. I had a right to stop hanging with Molly after she couldn't except that I needed to discipline my child for getting in the freezer and sharing it with her sister. I watched the whole thing. She shared it was good. She's a monkey and climber like her mother. I took Molly out and had a glass of wine and explained to her how she doesn't have children, I do. I did this naively explaining over and over why I didn't discipline my daughter. A week later she's still calling and screeching at me about this. Here I am busy 2 kids, a fixer upper and a business to run.
Now Molly is referring people to our office out of the blue. Once again Greg tells me to let it go for the money. Always money and someone else. Now I have this bad behavior in my work place. My families bread and butter. This was 2 years ago. Greg read the letter I wrote to Molly because she wouldn't hear my words, maybe a letter to look upon and think about? Then I find out Greg is hanging out with Wes and Molly with my children? Now I know why Greg is so willing to take the kids. He's once again leaving his wife to sit in the shit and he didn't back me. He didn't speak the Truth of what really happened after that spilled glass of red wine. The reason I got up and went into the kitchen. In case he didn't notice he didn't discipline her either. I told him then when we were watching the good I was seeing and he didn't disagree. Now two years later my mother in law finds out and it's not any of her business and I'm left to defend myself for something I did not do, discipline my 3 year old.
I got my day care license when Alex was just a couple months old.
I read every child rearing book. My discipline was to make them hug like care bear's in between the minutes of their age.
I took them to the library and read to them
We did Kitchen science on rainy days
I went and got a liver when my mother gave Kai pop at 3 and I showed her why it's okay every now and then.
I was one of the founding member's of the indoor playground.
While in California I was a volunteer for kids that were borderline gang members. Even then I was wondering where are the parents?
I worked with kids who were special ed in Junior High
I put on the first Halloween party in Snq. Valley and after that Children's services liked it so much they took it over.
I cooked for new mothers in the valley because I knew how it felt to have no one after you have a child. To be alone.
When you wanted to illegally move boy's that are level four child molester's into the valley it was her who sat up all night long typing a flier about this and went into Issaquah in the middle of the night to make copies. She stood at her children's and her soccer jamboree handing out these flier's 
When things got to be to much in life I had no problem going to a councilor to vent. Isn't that what you are supposed to do? In this system you are guilty first and never able to get back to the table to speak Truth about the set-up and how he came and took my work for the summer and told her she needed to start going out with her friend's and loosen up. Yet you let a mentally ill man and Mary Stones white collar crime destroy this mothers pride, her integrity. Do you know how she was treated in the valley after this unfounded restraining order? The Character assination they did in the destroying of this woman's reputation. A man who had no empathy or compassion for pain. It was all a lie. It's just so un-civil. separating out the court system in a divorce and Truth. The first casualty of war? Truth.

Movies and TV Shows

Sully - It was the number nine on this show. The machine to do the re-enactments of the accident's took 9 times what it took him one time.

Deep Water Horizon - 11 people killed to lay a pipeline. The number of Babylon. It is just their point allowing the rich to run their own show all to fuel your world economy. This is the Cobra insurance. This oil pipeline is the cause and effect all these intestinal ailments, like Crone's disease. GMO allergies. Thou does Covet. You changed it to encroachment. Why are my Lakota's 30 people one a pregnant woman standing alone on a mountain defending there rock? They were attacked by men with guns and dogs. Why is this kind of encroachment still going on today? Oh yeah it all goes back into this world economy. So as Freedom I'm calling those Indian Treaties back into play. You can thank Benjamin Franklin for popping back up and showing me this. Right along with a constellation site just before. It showed the Rams body facing freedom and her head turned toward the Pisces. As I was saying in the beginning I'm a little Tao.. To the right of the Pisces is the Aquarius. "This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius.

The next time Benjamin Franklin showed up with his kite, key and the lightening rod was the movie
Dark Skies - then I got a flash of you big brother and Alaska. Wasn't their a movie/documentary made about a psychologist whose daughter was kidnapped by aliens and others in Alaska was experiencing the same thing along with a white owl? Funny this is the only place my mother vacationed in years. She went with her best friend of 30 years, Deanna Miller.

Sleeping With The Enemy - Julia Robert's. When I watched this movie years ago I remember looking down the hall behind me to the master bedroom where Greg was at. I got the same feeling like the character she played. Fear, like my ex was trying to kill me off. It wasn't paranoia just an awareness that this is how I feel at times. Like he didn't care if I lived or died and that he had a hand in it.

The Walking Dead - This is the nick name I gave my father about 30 years ago. He looked like a slave chained in a cave. Now the TV show Walking Dead. I was tuned in to this meth another name is called clear. The other was black tar heroine. I was picking up on the tao sign. Light in the dark, and dark in the light. It turned out it wasn't just the number 69, Kyle's birth year but he's also a Pisces. I was picking up on these dragon's sitting on these people's heads. The zombies on this show are the representation of the people being zombies today hooked on these drugs. Turns out it wasn't just Russia and Nicaragua bringing these drugs in but our own CIA. You just helped create the industry to industrialize your own people. They no longer own their bodies. They get herded like cattle through a failing system. Everything about you is owned but hey that's okay you just created a whole new industry to feed your machine. It's these people whom are funding this one world order. It's these people on this poisonous apple of an insurance being ran ragged and kept suffering and in pain to feed that one world order. Humanity that you served up and poisoned their organs anyway you can.

Why do you big brother get to be the drug dealer? Why do you get to profit off these peoples losses. Why do you get to pass laws to keep them suffering and in pain? Oh yeah hey we don't C pre-existing conditions anymore. Hell you don't even C pain anymore. Nope your pain has to fit in their box. Do you know how many times I got sent back to physical therapy? 7 times. Not once would you doctors let her speak. You'd cut her off and say all you need is physical therapy. You gave these doctors permission to pass the buck pass the luck. They turn a blind eye. Like those little monkey's hear no evil, C no evil, turn a blind eye it doesn't exist. No you keep the one's in pain, running and gunning. Writing your pat prescriptions.

The Gifted - Interesting this show. The timing is amazing. These are people whom have gifts with their own emotions and energy. It's our own government and private groups that don't want them to see the light. They want to label them and institutionalize them. What is the place called where they keep these people? The mental institution for the enlightened. Your receivers to the light. They label schizophrenic's. A mental illness all to guilt you label you drug you up and shut you down. The movie I saw at this time when the grays started to show up in my room. Around my brothers death was called "The Sentinel." A woman that moved into an apartment and all of her eccentric neighbor's were dead. She had black beings coming out of the wall's. That's how I rationalized these being's growing up. My families reunion time? The Bicentennial, so yes this is the Sentinel back for that Bicentennial. Our Independence from the United Kingdom.

The Sentinel - When I was in 5th grade this is when I got my first bible from my mother. It was red and my name printed in gold.

This was a time when Sue Noon had just become Christian and she was dragging Gwen and I to all these different churches. My brother had just died. I had these black spindly beings walking around and hiding in my room behind things. They were just watching me watch them. I felt like they wanted to stake me in the chest. I'd lie on my stomach and when my neck hurt from lying this way for so long I'd lie on my back with my arms crossing my chest. If I fell asleep they'd shake my bed. This is when Sue said if you think a demon is there they are there. I started reciting at this time "In the name of Jesus Christ I rebuke you." I only just found out this last year, 2019 that they are the grays. My other clue's was the conversation I had with Benevolent Belinda about her dark gray house on Lilac street. My aunt Pat and Uncle Sam's favorite place to vacation is called Grays harbor. The collage in Japan is of a gray with the left hand down facing the planet and the right hand in the air. This is one of the poses I do clearing land saying prayers and when I received information that my father is JC.

A Winter's Tale - Colin Farrel. It was the shot of the horse bowing. It was the pose I do when I stretch out my hip sockets. It's also what a saw a horse do in front of JC when a white horse bowed down to him. I didn't know what it meant but I knew my nick name was colt. I didn't know if I had just figured out something or if it was part of the next journey. I also didn't know at the time if it was another horse I was picking up on. I didn't know about Horus standing at the gateway yet with a bald eagle head.

The other part that caught my interest was the word chaos. Chaos comes in many forms. The first time I heard this was my friend Tammy whom is a medium. They use her right arm too. She had a being flit through here living room. Tammy asked her her name. She answered, " Helen Of Troy." She also said that other beings don't like coming here because it's to much Chaos. Plus I learned our names are universally given.



Carnivale -The seer's, the tarot card readers. How these are the freaks then and now we find out most had some kind of physical ailment or disease. I think it was the names also and Zoroastrian tarot card readers.

Close Encounters Of The 3rd Kind/. Oh Steven Spielberg why you didn't get acknowledged at the academies is because it was to close to the Truth. Still the Studios, the news and marketing controlling what we see. Your just a conspiracy theorist because you noticed something about any certain wrong someone see's their a conspiracy theorist. A negative label for the Truth. He's mentally ill, and they do a character assassination on you to shut you up and shut you down. Well Spielberg I know the mountain. Whose going to show up for this one? The Grays, the Ant beings, or the star children? Hey how about all 3 for a minimum of this family tree line.

It/Stephen King
You hit the nail on the head. Pennywise and the clown in the sewer in more way's than one. I told the policeman I don't know what to call it but It is over there. Keeping us entertained while they play a Monopoly game on our lives. Well who say's God doesn't have a sense of humor? Didn't I read somewhere build me a throne and I will come live amongst all my people. The Christmas Poop is back. Then again it never left.

AA Banned from the Bible. Funny I didn't get to a TV until about 2017. When I saw this one, I realized these are the families, names and situations I've been writing about. Especially episode four and the names. I had been feeling the name Judia or Jude or Judah like their were 2 children. A boy and a girl. Not just one then I saw that. Then name's Mary and Kai. The other coffin Jesus Christ and Judah. I was floored. 

The Fall and Teeth Shattering/dreams

The Fall
It was around the time that Greg had his fatal attraction. Weird things were happening to my body. I was always at the doctor asking to have my iron and or blood sugar checked. I'd get really dizzy start to shake and I'd drop to the floor. This is where I'd start eating a banana, chix breast whatever I could get my hands on. My mother got me a book of dreams and I'd look up the 2 dreams I kept having over and over, I don't remember what it said, I just remember it wasn't good. Not that the book was evil but I didn't want to know any more, so I threw it away.

I kept dreaming that I was falling in a group of people and no one saw me falling. Then I couldn't lift myself off of the floor. People are just stepping over me like I'm invisible. I'm not even there. I don't exist.

This has to do with the curse that the Hindu woman from the gateway told me about when I stepped on the egg that I brought and wrapped up in a bandana. When I stepped on it their was nothing under my heel. I lifted my foot and unwrapped the bandana from the egg and where the yolk was supposed to be it was the exact replica of my head, with the eyes blacked out. The hair was even mine, dark that flipped up at the ends with bangs.

She told me that Greg put a curse on my head. He has convinced every one that I am crazy. Just bat shit crazy. (People that worked there after were coming up to me telling me that him and Mary Stone sit every one down that they hire and give this speech, about how insane and unstable that I am. To avoid me when I come in. This was up to 6 years later that it was still going on.) I said yeah I know. She asked then why are you here? My answer because no one can tell me what to do about it.

I met her and her mother from 12 at the Gateway. They are real healers. Our government doesn't like healers. Only western medicine healers so they can control and profit off our organs. I knew she was working trying to break this curse. I have seen her twice since then. She always has on a bright yellow dress. Very similar to a yellow dress I used to own. She showed up before I went into the valley shadow of death. Apparently another agreement. She showed up the night I made the agreement to do this journey. When I stood up I bowed to her in my head and said namaste.

She also told me their is a curse on me with the alcohol and pain pills. That was why all the drownings when I was young. Another pause moment in my life. Their were 4.  and I saw a girl drowning. The other is when I took the two pain pills, wanting to know if I even needed to go in. I knew I was being set up. After I took them I saw a huge lion roar in front of me. I said to myself "oh, I need to go get some tools to learn how to take care of this lion." Plus I needed a break to find myself and if I got some counseling out of it great.

What a nightmare this manager turned out to be.

The second I'm not going to create a separate chapter for something so short. The second repeat dream was my teeth shattering and falling out of my head.

Rough Draft

Pledge of Allegiance
Will U offer your throat to the wolf with the red rose?

All U nations and countries, how did you feed God's flock?
U didn't, U followed the wrong profit and fed the wrong stock. U did not feed God's flock, U fed that mother fucking machine.
Oh what a tangled web U weaved
IC you've done a fine job recreating the leper colony.
No! This mother point's her finger up come judgment day. This mother gives you an F.

For the moment I'm Malich the messenger. In the next couple of hours, probably dead.

What's this about U ask?
My proof of life. Ain't nobody own the keys to the kingdom of heaven but this little mother right here. Apparently I don't exist. I'm a myth, a legend. A liar minimizer and blamer. Not allowed 2 speak or defend myself in life or your justified system based on character defects, and that scarlett letter A. U never let them off the chain gang. IC we have blanket law's based on potential liability. IC we report 2 a system now. IC U corrupt politicians have rewritten the english language. U corrupt politicians turning us in2 PC's. No I'm not a machine or a politician. I'm a human being a humane human being who believes in Truth. 2 AA is that a mask or a face? Dante 25 I will come back with the voice of a poet and a mask. Perhaps I'm Jobe here 2 set a new presidence on freedom. Cuz their ain't no freedom up in this house. Their ain't no equality in any way shape or form.

Let me get my crown. (put on hat, pick up book and Genesis wine bottle) This i
This is what it's all about, Justice. The truth behind Lady Liberty aka: Athena and her owl.

U want to tell me since when is it illegal for a native woman who comes from a long line of 7's and 12's all the way down to the 6's, the Freemasons I inherited. To become a vessel for her family tree line.
1.  To let them come inside me to save my family. I said yes. I missed the word we so welcome to the party. We'll just have to see if I have any character defects. Turns out I have a whole lot of character inside me. No I'm not the United States of Tara. I am aware. Turns out the agreement was more of an awareness of my life over time. They were always there doling out their own justice to make sure I get the point.
2.  To accept anything freely given. At times clothes. It's amazing what the clothes were then.
3.  To have Faith to go through any open door.
4.  I had to be willing to look crazy. Which isn't to hard to do is it Gregory Allan and Mary Cochran Stone? That was a nice set up however. In 90 days these 2 completely castrated her and stole everything out that she built with her own 2 hands. Now Kai I didn't disagree when you said we are all God's children. Not come judgment day, however whats in a name? Volumes.
(Hold up the dog poop and introduce Greg. Ass-wipe was his file name in my computer. All through my marriage he kept me packing and hauling his drunk ass around. Anything I enjoyed, he destroyed. The only honest thing he ever said to me was "if I don't agree with him he's just gonna come in and take it. I felt like Julia Roberts in ?????.  I couldn't quite put my finger on it, and neither could Greg's brother Steve. (That GAP that missing link in the chain.)

5 star family, No I'm Sirius. to B a star today get a reality show, industrialize and have it all going in my landfills.
To those 4 horsemen, U know Pestilence, Death, War and Famine.
From that trinity
God the Son and the Holy spirit or is it
Aten the sun, always a 10 in this family tree line
Luna the moon, aka: Sin, love that sin, to
Mother Earth, Gaia, Mother Nature Aka: Mary, only I'm Mary Jane this time. Back for my flower back for my evergreen. Evergreen and my family tree line.
To those twin flames,
Hey, their was no Holy Grail sitting on the table of The Last Supper. It's not about objects. It's about family. It seems you missed Mary and JC joined at the hip. They'll be back. Like 2 ships that pass in the night.
Down to that 01. A creation of your own making.

On Becoming God

Shallow LG&BC
I realized today looking on this blog that I haven't written in awhile. Don't worry still connecting with the good and the bad side of things. I understand one thing, Truth. This rock is on it's last leg. That's what I have been going at. Strengthening and toning, all the while walking through the pain. I was with Kylie, my seer neighbor and friend, she pulled my card's. Just 2. I froze when I saw them. The first Father Sky and the other The Lord.

Rescue Me/1 Republic
Then she said your processing on becoming these 2. I knew that was the Truth. "On Becoming God" is right. I have processed so much the last few month's. Sometimes I wonder how much further? How much more knowledge that connect's with my life? I knew they were leaving me alone letting me process. Letting me B. Especially what they pulled with all these old dark beings wearing cloaks showing up in my house. I hadn't processed yet that three were Asian.

Blurry/Puddle Of Mud

The last one that showed up and put a gun to my head was Chinese. Since I have learned what is going on with China. Importing and exporting taxes. The Boston tea party all over. What another flocking hot mess you all serving yourselves as man and the machine. All you did was serve up humanity and their civil liberties. This is in the bigger scheme of things unconstitutional. Feeding humanities organ's to the God Damned Hoover of a machine to industrialize the human body to feed a machine. The need all the pharmaceuticals which came last on my rock. The need of the machine, keep coming back it works if you work it. Boy do these people work for it.

Where ever I Go/DB

I've been going back over names and numbers. One morning I got up, scrolled the channels coffee in hand nothing was on but the tail end of Davinci Code. I call Davinci Code Daughter, because well that's who I am. I knew their was one thing I couldn't remember? It was the seers with their heads backwards. The Gifted, the Sentinel. Exactly what's happening today. Only the machine can evolve not humanity. Fifth grade my brothers death. They showed up in my room. They'd shake my bed. I had just watched the horror movie called "Sentinel." It was about a year ago when I received proof of life who they are. Then they showed up Fall City 2012 again. The Grays and evolution. This was just after my grandmother showed up at 3:16 a.m. in red you could see thru her purple clothes, book and rosary in left hand with her right hand in the air.

Fight Song/RC
I'll try and separate my numbers per title as they came along. My names how I followed names and colors. I lived cum what may everyday and just excepted. I didn't pick anything. Their was something else I missed? A huge thing that I was doing all along. I recon I needed validation and this is the scene I walked into on the Davince Code Daughter. He said "she has to take it back." That's why they want me to claim it and make this video. I wore on my right wrist b4 it fell apart a bible passage that said "she will not fail." Proof of life sucks sometimes.

It All Comes Out In The Wash/ML
The name Roslyn? A location that Gwen and I would stay at in her families cabin. Then I hear "The Holy Grail against Ancient Roselyn waits. In loving arms she lies." Great they're going to kill me off again. Greg, his family and this Zion Mary the "Loki" people in my life. My prayer give me all my families burden's? I didn't expect all side's of my family going back to the garden, Egypt and the twin towers. Then all the ancestors in the cosmos. I was Truth all along. I tried but this system wouldn't let me speak. Guilty before proven innocent. Poked and prodded through this system like cattle. Like a black herd of sheep. 

The God Who Stays/MW

One of my issues was what do they want me to judge? I heard him say it on the Davinci Code Daughter, "she's 2 judge the righteous." Power of the pen of these musicians and writer's. The protron the electron and the neutron. Turns out you all got a little atom in you and that God is the conductor of this show. 

The Gospel Of St. Thomas

"The Kingdom of God is inside you and all around you.Not in buildings of wood and stone. Split a piece of wood and I am there. Lift a stone and you will find me." The reason why I got married outside. I figured no bigger church than those blue skies. I always knew inside that God is the creation. How could this rock that feeds us our circle of life not be my church.

Blessed Assurance/LB

Hebrews 11 1-3

Now Faith is assurance of things hoped for, proof of of things not seen. By Faith, we understand that the universe has been framed by the word of God, so what is seen has not been made out of things which are visible. 

We Belong/PB

One Love/BM
Oh what a couple weeks this has been. Yesterday I finally got an adjustment. I have hardly been able to walk. Once again my living space neglected, but hey the fruit flies think this is haven. I got my pain meds refilled, I came home and my hips started moving of their own accord. I knew what they were doing loosening me up. Around and around I go. I have to once again rebuild this house. I have had so many make overs on this journey. The Pillsbury Dough girl.

Queen Of Hearts/JN
See how intuitive this song is. I haven't been able to walk once again, so I missed a deadline. Now IC another cut back any way they can. They make it look like it's your fault. The excuse was my card was out dated. First thing in my head, "great more cards going in my landfills". I was there on Thursday I couldn't write. Hell I couldn't even focus on the application. My back and hips were out and I felt weak. It's the most ridiculous application ever. Repeat of everything over and over. Name rank and serial number, caching your dinged!

Cryin/Aerosmith
Aren't these the weak? The hungry? The poor? The mentally ill and disabled? I go back today, it's August 13th, I woke up moving, even after doing dishes, dancing around communicating. Feeling back, feeling like I'm back. I vacuumed, and started steam cleaning the carpet, feeling normal and oh so happy to clean my space. It kills me to do nothing but the basics. I even did 2 sets of my Physical therapy dance and stretching. You know that other family dance I do when I get down? Yeah I recon I do have a lil shiva in me. Tinker bell with a flare style. Oh no do you think I could be a "lil Fae"? Hilarious! Shouldn't of turned history into a myth, Man.

Call Me/PB
So you think your the man do ya? Okay so this was the cutback. I didn't have a long wait this time like I did on Thursday. I get back there, I told her nothing has changed. I truly think this is all bullshit! She pretty much asked me my address, who I was living with and the amount of rent? All that had changed was rent was increased. Imagine that? You know what "Imagine Dragons" you fuck. I mean my first day back in weeks, we have no money, not expecting this to happen. We knew I needed to come in but we've both been down. I find out that the reason I had to do a actual check in this time, I mean a physical one, because they switched banks. The reason we are broke is food, paying for it with rent. Feeding ourselves because I wasn't functioning enough. My doctor called in sick when I needed to get my new med's filled and I sank like a ship in China.

Please Forgive Me/BA
First time ever in the history of DSHS was anything done so quickly. I mean not asked my usual name rank and serial number, repeating my story that has not changed. I didn't need a new card. I didn't sign anything. That was it. I wait out front for her to bring me my new card and it's a document of my food benefits for the next three months. This month of August it is prorated from my usual $192 to $147. I asked why this was? She said "I am now considered a new client". You get a new bank and I have to pay? Your people have to pay for something that hasn't changed? I know other loans change hands and clients don't even know. Yet we have to jump through your hoops?  Any other time I did my review late on the phone I still got the whole month. I have so much to replace just from eating down to nothing. I mean I scraped the fridge to get this far. Man, IC just why my family tree is back. I call bullshit. I mean just the food stamp class to motivate you to get a job? To get you linked in?Bullshit! These are mother natures lil beasties and it's her garden.

Don't Lose This Number/PC
Oh what a tangled web you've weaved is right. That world wide web and the reason why about four months before this journey I kept feeling cobwebs across my face? When I found that in writing? It was a validation I never expected an answer to. Now I know why I cried when the girl scouts gave me red gloves with black bats for my first Christmas out here. I saw a room full of angels at Christmas supper that year. The homeless and down trodden. The beat down by this system more like it. You have poisoned my seed all the way to my cane. You got us fighting over a garden and whose worthy enough to eat. The serpent, that black oil pipeline Deep Water Horizon 11 dead. Babylon. My Lakota's the ones standing alone to fight it? Now due to cause and effect? We have the real deal, the serpent, an actual alien serpent. Is this what you all are worshiping? An alien serpent? Wait till you find out where he lives? That's a trusting souless being. No, go ahead let him suck and fuck, the hand that feeds you. Let that machine feed you and dole out credit. Our home away from home is on it's last leg. Pay back's gonna be a bitch. I always believed whatever you put out there you get back three fold and boy are you ever gonna get it.

Total Eclipse Of The Heart/BT
U have a choice sunshine up your ass or fire? Love and evolution from the inside or this machine and no humanity? Eternal love and light after I get done chewing you all out for your bad behavior. I am the mother of Truth that is ready to take a wooden spoon to some of you if you ever pull this shit again. No respect. Nit picking the fuck out of each other with this new political correctness creating all these labels and hurt feelings. Oh ouch you hurt my feelings speaking Truth. How dare you use a swear word. Blasphemy! Oh my Mercy me Mercy you. Or is it Mercury? Isaac Newton that I thot for awhile was murdered, because pretty much a lot of who they were showing me were. Yes I finally figured out the apple and Isaac. The apple and the rainbow. The atom. That's what he was trying to tell me. The Protron, the electron and the neutron. The power of the pen. Is this atom me?

Sometimes when we touch/DH
I went back through my last journal to mark pages. The things that I knew that I got more answers to? I found out the reason why I felt like it was a Chinese man, a traveler that showed up and put a gun to my head, laughing hysterically. I don't watch the news I find out the family way. I had heard something was up with China? Oh yeah we ship our recycling to China for them to shred it and blow it in our seas. This here is the reason why we are now paying out the ass for recycling. We used to get paid. Look at all those import export fee's and taxes. Last but not least, another industry shipped over seas. More jobs lost so you won't have to pay for higher labor for your own people to eat. You call yourselves educated. Educated at what taking everything and sitting in your slow wheels of justice to take back something that didn't belong to you in the first place. It looks to me your biggest character defect is integrity, truth, dignity and pride. All your blanket laws? Mrs Laws was right when I heard that word come off her at the age of 16. Your blanket laws aren't treating your people with dignity. Oh Truth is gonna hurt. Fuck me! Fuck you! I call bullshit.

I've Got To Much Time On My Hands/Styx

Love

I want love. Never ending Love

Living On A Prayer/BJ

Kiss Somebody/ME
Well I've been thinking about the clues in the name and the situations in this system? Going back over some numbers? When they came up? What I saw as I walked along playing charades with my family. The trinity on this ground and in the heaven's. Just how it works? Well I also followed the colors and the hearts. Number five heart pioneer square and a wedding was going to be going on. They went back over my wedding. Almost being drowned in the toilet bowl and washed out to sea. It was my fourth close call. I will swim in a sea of sharks for you? Let's hope that doesn't come to light. When a guy named Michael said just those words to me. I took pause to The Promised Land I wrote in the beginning. How those words are coming back around? All to bite me in the ass. Just like history class. I couldn't sit still for that boring class asking myself "when will I ever need to know this?" It's been so long and to have these past presidents names come back around?

The Best Of MY Love/Eagles
First it was spiritual. Vision quest sort of thing. Knowing things are going to be odd. Yes, God has a sense of humor. Ironic, yes. At times an asshole for his humor and the signs. The time he stood in my kitchen. I was doing dishes and he's leaning against the counter to my right. Arms casually crossed. I was pissed at Him, he put my heart on the line. My own father made me live with a broken heart over and over in every which way. This Rose never picked. The invisible injustice and the illusion? He does a small laugh and holds out his right hand, left arm still crossed at the elbow and he say's "come on do you really think I'm gonna let your heart go?" Who the fuck knows after all that I have learned. I know Faith.

It Is Well With My Soul/Chris Rice
Then or just before as I'm again doing dishes by hand. I saw a huge right palm pass behind me going to the right. I was wondering what was up with a hand the size of my living room? Me wondering what's up with that? Then my bracelet Psalm. "She will not fail." I've been thinking about the time my sister told me and Greg at dinner one night with Brad, she told me my mother dropped him off with a box in front of his dad's house and drove away. I felt like a two ton ball hit me and it bounced. I did not move. I knew it was the Truth. My mothers biggest fear is Truth and that we will speak it. It was always an analytical conversation where we both laugh thinking or saying what we're looking at and the behavior. This woman has a river of denial a mile wide.

Mercy Is A Song/Matthew West
Sweet Justice is mine, one of our conversations was what would this woman do if she had to come to terms with the Truth of what she has done to her own children? Not just us she made everyone pay. She wanted us and others to suffer just for sport. She has left so many bodies in her wake and has gotten away with it and no consequence's ever. She thinks that because she's the mother that she had rights to stir the pot in our lives. She thinks she has the rights to lie, blame and take a swing at her adult children. This woman never speaks for me or my sister or our children and I as a mother had that right to make that decision to walk away.  

What I've Done/LP
My mom noticed I might be pregnant at about 20 years old.  She said to my sister "I'm going to take that baby and raise it myself if she is". My sister and I both laughed at that. Like she thinks we're gonna forget all she's done to us? Abandoning us, destroying us even legally. Planting her seed's of justice upon man. Revenge for speaking or setting a boundary. She always thought oh so funny and she'd step right over any boundaries and laugh. The day she handed my sister the baton dropping her off at Marvin's and we all knew the Truth of who he was. I always referred to it as a gauntlet not a baton, She literally said to my sister, "it's your turn to go through what I've been through". Spitefully so. Nope! No mother made her children pay and kick you when your down than Zion Mary. Pull out the rug, leave you out in the cold. To teach you a lesson. Raised to never re-act to the bad behavior. Not even an expression. No words to defend at the humiliation and accusations.

Listen To Your Heart/Roxette
Yeah I followed the sign's that kept going round and round sequentially so. The first time I played that game, I loved it. The only board game I liked. I'm the smallest person and like Goldilocks and the 3 bears my chair collapsed and I was the smallest one. I woke up with my second whopping migraine ever. Puking in a bowl all the way to work. The names of the people then and the location is key. They have done this journey sequentially so and around around I go. Shut down rebuild. Shut down rebuild. My body hurts and it's tiring. I know I'm almost to the end. This is the end of a new beginning. The Phinal Phase. Yup! I fish with an F. I point my finger up.

Counting Every Blessing/RC
What's it going to be man or the machine? Weather you like it or not your 01 is back. Turns out you've had heaven on earth all along and you didn't even know it. "Now the question is this, those closest to me turning a blind eye to my pain, that did nothing but judge and blame"? I'll leave it up to God. I mean we do have the rapture. Crash! Boom! Bang! Planes, trains and automobiles. First I heard Raptor. Then vela-rapture. Then I learned about the Rapture from Michael. He made a joke in the jungle when he saw a pile of clothes. He went "oh no, the rapture has cum". I asked what's that. I recon the first stage of the storm.

Tequila Sunrise/Eagles
The living stone. The diamond in the rough. The Rapture is me. The Sentinel is me. The whore of Babylon is me, laughing madly with the cup in my hand. Grapes of wrath for this curse. Pan from Japan and the Quaran curse of the Gin. My mother in laws T and T. Her birth date 9/11. Pearl earing. Pearl Harbor. Now I want my pearl necklace. Still have to earn that I recon.

Stairway to Heaven/LZ
I was taking photos of red stairs that first summer disappearing into those blue skies. My Indians and this journey. Yes, my families got a reservation to take this reservation back. They are going to right all wrongs on this rock throughout history. The Constitution keeps coming up. John Adams wants you to know what you have done upstairs to God's flock is unconstitutional. The Highlanders is the grapes of wrath. My Renton Indians, I got this. Lancelot, Liberty and Lindbergh. The land of the Kings. That have fucked up royally. You signed everything over to the wrong Kings. they have all the right's over your heart body mind and soul. The power to keep it to themselves with the passing of these blanket laws. They have taken me to so many flowers. First the Oleander, then the Lily, then the Rose, then the Iris. Iris the Google Dolls played allot during this stage. Michael said when your passionate about something you get a ring of fire around your Iris. Throughout my life people are always telling me something they see in my shit brown eyes, including the color.

Wind Beneath My Wings/BM
The names going round and round. The bad behavior. Being left out in the cold. The snow and rain. All the element's. Three minerals came to mind this morning? Iron, Copper and Titanium. Then Steel. I followed the names of my coats. The first Zero King that Gary gave me. To discover the Truth of whom I really am? Who I carry inside me? Yeah, what a funny guy he is. The mountain I represent is the mountain with the broken heart. My flower at that time in my life, 'The Bleeding Hearts." It dawned on me yesterday, yeah I've been a bleeding heart my whole God Damned life. Bring me the stray. Bring me the weak one, I'll build him up. I mean hell I had a crush on Don Knotts as a child. Doesn't get more bleeding heart than that guy.

Spend A Life/DD
That God damned prayer I said "give me all my families burdens. I'm stronger. I can do it. I can break this circle of abuse. Pam looked at me and said well that's the wrong prayer to of said. You think? Damned prayers from the heart. The agreements made. Then to watch it play out over and over again with my girls. Don't defend, your being rude. No emotions weren't allowed, not with Greg or Zion Mary. The church where the second toilet showed up? The John. My father all the way through adulthood always left the bathroom door open. Sitting on the John.

Superman/5 For Fighting (Book Of Enoch, Friday the 13th, 2016. I cried on a street corner in the dark).
The gold mound I had a few spiritual moments on facing the mountain to the East? The man with the bruno beard? That after every dance and song I turned to it and said this man is mine. This man is mine. I admit not knowing where or whom is this coming from? The black snake that watched me for two days while doing one of my sit ins letting it know that I'm sitting right here anytime you want to rear your ugly head. Always a flag stuck in the ground. U know the one with the Eagle? Our nations bird. The chosen ones to be standing here today. Represents in your own country. Trumpets blare. What do you say Trump do you want your heart back?