Escape From Alcatraz

I saw my mother at the age of one sitting on a woman's chest and punching her back and forth across the face. It was in our living room at the house in Renton. I was sucking my thumb wearing blue footie PJ's.
Age 2 my mother tried rubbing my birthmark off of my arm. She had a cigarette hanging out of her mouth, all pissed of. Saying God Dammit, I have to get this dirt off. I was screaming. She was rubbing my skin raw.
Age2 hit by a car between the dairy and Monticello Apartment's. When I awoke my brother was standing over me smiling all excited I woke up. It was the first and only time I saw my brother smile as a child.
Age 3 I was sitting in the passenger seat of my mothers car and I was watching her. I said to myself this woman should of never had children. She should of gotten permission from someone. At least a psychological exam from the State. How I knew about a psychological exam or state by that age I'll never know? Well now I do.
It was about 9th grade I was home alone, and I started screaming up at God, "why did you place me here with this crazy woman?" He didn't answer then, however I've been through a purge like you do in heaven. I'll get to that in a few. The answer is in another prayer I said later in life. It's true what they say, prayers come from the heart. Those are the one's they hear. Not the rituals and rules that you in religion boxed yourselves in. Now you have fear of truth and the light?
In high school I talked to Mr. Lott, he was the study hall teacher. He was the only one to give me a nice beastie name. Petite butterfly.
Growing up I had family. We were a tight knit family. We had dinner together every Friday. We went on family camping trips. We went motor cycle riding. My family is a bunch of sun worshipers so of course we took family vacations to Kahneeta in Oregon. We all went camping together. Picnic's in the park. If my cousins, my grandparents or aunt and uncle went on trips I went. On weekends or vacations I was rarely home. I didn't notice my mother so much. I was protected by my grandparent's and other family member's. Just by being gone. They never interfered in Zion Mary physical or verbal abuse. CrueI comes to mind. There were 2 people who did. Zion Mary's parents.
I took family vacation's to Roseburg, Oregon but of course that name again.

I took Bio feedback therapy in Jr. High for Raynod's disease. Why do you get to label and control what IC? Its the first steps to meditation.
I was reading Edgar Gayce books about 14 to 15 years old.
I had a special ed aunt, Aunt Judy, my Kennedy side of the family tree line. Aunt Judy the curse of the Rose. My catholic side of my family tree line. She is about Judaism. I worked with special ed kid's in school.
My Junior year I took a CNA class. I learned CPR and much much more right here. I worked with the elderly. The first time I heard a voice in my head. Her name Mrs. Laws, I worked with her for 3 weeks, she was with it but slower. Within 3 weeks she was strapped down to her bed screaming like a baby. The word I heard was dignity. She's right. Your blanket laws don't treat humanity with dignity. Why are your institution's better for my beasties? Why do you get to do this, yet families who keep their parents home with them can't childproof the room and lock them in for their safety at night.. Why do you get to do this to people because you want them on a certain schedule? Strap them down, drug them up shut them up.

After I was raped I was interviewed by a policeman he said that was the most calm and analytical interview I have ever had with a rape victim. 

Two people walked in. A man opened the curtain and sat down at the foot of my bed. The nurse grabbed up my clothes. Told me if I try 2 leave. I will be institutionalized. I look at her and said I'm the victim and your going 2 victimize the victim some more? Potential liability bullshit. All 2 get labeled some more.
The boy across the hall was yelling Annie and pushing his face in his pillow. A sign of rape. I mean come on. His arm movements had some control. His words were rounded but I can clearly understand him. He's still yelling Annie. Troy or a Roy was raping Annie. 

He was moved 2 A chair. He's grabbing his legs saying I want 2 help Annie. Annie is my friend. Annie is my friend. I love Annie. He starts pulling on his legs but my legs don't work. Then he's circling his crotch with his right hand, Troy or Roy is messing with me 2.

She was a licensed cosmologist by the time she graduated high school.
She got her advanced training in hair design by the time she was 18 years old. The youngest in the company until Patricia came up behind her.
She managed a hair salon from 19 to 20 years old.

She quit all of her job's and went to work as a server in order to take night classes in computer's and try to live a normal life as a young adult.

To do the normal thing's someone my age should be doing at this time in our lives. I'd visit my friends at Western, so I wouldn't be driving.
 When I first started dating Greg who always brought alcohol that I did not like on any excursion, I went to visit. We went to dinner and he was going home to study. Their was a party and I tied one on. I never stopped hearing for years about the first time I tied one on. Nothing happened either except I got sick. Wasn't a big drinker. He brought this up right up to the end. I truly don't know what he's complaint about? This is the first time he treated me like a rag doll kitty cat. For 2 hours he fucked me like I wasn't even there. His possession.
3 and a half years later I'm at Alcatraz with my grade school friend and I tied one on with her. I had been Greg's designated driver all these year's. Nothing once again happened. I wasn't falling off bar stool's getting out of control. I wasn't being loud causing a scene. Yet all on the way home I had to hear about this. 10 year's later he is still bringing up those 2 time's. In between I didn't really like alcohol, it was rare for me to even want to drink alcohol. Yet when I did I paid the price of his judgment of me. You never let me speak. Instead I was labeled and I deserved anything this man did to me. You let it happen.
Could this be the reason why I sat in a Fall City meeting talking about me doing my clueless walk, and I stopped, looked behind me seeing all these bomb's going off. All I knew is it had something to do with me, yet it didn't have to do with me.
My first Annie or so I thot, after I was raped the policeman said this is the most analytical calm interview I have ever had with a rape victim. He walks out the nurses come in and take my stuff and say if I try to leave we will have you committed. I know why I was told in the very start to "watch out for King County." They have all the rights to lock their victims up and label them.
It was here that they opened the curtain and placed a man at the foot of my bed. Now I have a clear view of the boy across the way. I was just raped and I recognized the body language of what he was saying. I understood his rounded out words. He was yelling for Annie and pushing his face in the pillow. I told him I hear you. Keep going. Then he say's a man named Troy or Roy is raping Annie. Then they sit him in a chair and I'm watching. He is looking at me pulling at is legs. He say's he loves Annie. Annie is his friend he starts pulling on his legs and he say's he want's to help Annie but his legs don't work. Then he circles his crotch and he say's Troy or Roy is messing with him too. So do you want to tell me again how your institution's are better for my little beasties? Do you know what this hospital put in my chart? That I got brain damage from being raped. RU nuts? I took a beat down getting hit with fist like rocks. Stop rematch as I barter for my body all the way. He didn't like my Truth either when I told him why he rape's women? He committed suicide 40 minute's away.
Yet when I was allowed back on that lot I had to be screamed at out loud in the middle of the store by the property manager how I was raped and that man killed himself. I was also followed on a Sunday by their accountant being screamed at that I'm not allowed on this lot.
No Country Pride you didn't invest in your employee's especially your server's instead you were to busy reinventing the wheel with A1. Hell you can't top A1. No you made your server's take the blame for all those missing link's in the chain, that don't add up to service down here. No Country Pride, this is my family pride and I'm taking it all back. The way you treated a rape victim? Your done.
When my mother moved back to Renton, I had Deanna my mothers best friend of thirty years, but my mother blew that relationship to holy hell. I had Kelly Millers mother and father next door. I was usually there for Sunday homemade pancakes. About fifth grade on I had Sue Noon. I learned how to cook by watching Sue, my grandmother, at times my mother, and I got recipes from people on this journey that I held onto. So Greg I had family. I had friends from grade school through high school still in my 30's. I had friends that I made later in life, I had a whole slew of friends in North Bend when I rebuilt my life. By the time Greg and Mary got done with their character assassination on me, destroying everything good I ever built in 90 days. After this and during this, my phone was silent. No one bothered to ask or look back. If I tried to speak, I'm a blamer a liar a minimizer. Their is Truth Greg, the bruising of my forehead and your achelious heal is what boy? Truth.
**I learned one thing from my mother growing up, how not to be. How not to treat others.**
When I was at Boeing I started to see councilors there, I wanted to do a intervention on my mother. My step father wouldn't he didn't disagree but he was scared of my mother. She belittled this man any chance she got. It was horrifying. His last name Sundet and boy did my mother put him in debt. The bodies my mother left in her path? The lives she destroyed, and at times she used the system to do it. I recon being an empath and seeing the damage my mother did, not only did I have compassion, and understanding, but I had to feel their tears and pain. That conversation I had with my sister? We didn't judge, but it was so heaven doesn't want her yet hell ain't gonna take her. Karma or Faith this woman should be dead by now. Oh her clearing is gonna hurt. Sometimes knowing what she's gonna go through and that it's gonna hurt is the best justice of all.
When I was about 21 I went to a councilor in Renton. I had just had an abortion by Greg at 7 weeks. Boy was that a dark cloud on my head. Her name is Rose. Greg was going to college and I didn't want to tie him down or start a relationship with resentments. I wasn't going to turn to my mother for help. I looked about four months pregnant. My mother noticed. She said to my sister if I am she's going to take and raise the baby. My sister and I laughed. We both said does she really think we're just going to forget? No my mother wasn't even an option. Any chance she gets to pull that rug out from underneath us. She never met any agreement she made with us. Poison is what she is.
I gave the councilor an example of my mothers discipline. When I finished I looked over at him. He picked up his jaw off the floor and he said "Colleen that's not discipline that's abuse." Just then the timer dinged. Time was up, see ya next weak. I went out to my car and cried. I said another prayer right there. I said "God give me all of my families burden's. I'll stop this cycle of abuse. It will stop with me. I'm stronger God give me their burdens." Little did I know my prayers are the ones that count on this planet. Lucky me. When I took on my families burden's I didn't expect all side's going back generations.
**I knew I didn't want my mothers trigger hair temper. No I didn't have it, it takes allot to get me angry. I knew I wanted my children to have emotions and that it was up to me to guide them. I didn't ever want to break my children's spirit. For personal growth when I got to California I went to pre-marital counseling alone at my church. I wanted to be aware of what comes up with couples and how to communicate in a healthy way. I went to two different one on one series of session's with two different councilors. The first one asked why I'm there this is after I told him another discipline story, and of course the same open mouth response. He said "run". Then he asked my fears? To be like her. That trigger hair temper. He laughed and said Colleen if your sitting here you are nothing like your mother. I also did a series of group counseling. After I did a session of dianetics for free. You know steps to a clearing. By the age of 14 I did bio feedback therapy. It's allot like meditation and well when you let go in meditation you get truth and truth turns into prayers from the heart. I also had a spiritual advisor. Her name is Tammy and she is a medium. She does the same thing with her right hand that I did in the beginning after I made this agreement.**
When Greg moved back I realized that Elaine has issues with Greg in denial and she didn't really know him. I didn't want this behavior to have a negative effect on our family. For 3 days I spent interviewing councilors. By the 3rd day I found one, who understood, any blame behavior and this family shuts down. We just need to set some boundaries without hurting anyone's feelings. Elaine kept trying to pull the rug out from us with this bad behavior and I was pregnant with her grandchild. This was short lived. She went back to the lying and bad behavior spreading rumors. I ignored it. Chose to rise above it for my children's sake. I even wrote a 7 page letter to them before Kiley was born about this bad behavior. Greg read it and agreed. I got a phone call and an apology, but she went back to the bad behavior of the blame game. When she really needed to look in the mirror. I found out from Steve in Arizona that he had the same conversations with her.
This trip was a turning point. Hearing Elaine say I'm making waves and I never made waves. I had a right to stop hanging with Molly after she couldn't except that I needed to discipline my child for getting in the freezer and sharing it with her sister. I watched the whole thing. She shared it was good. She's a monkey and climber like her mother. I took Molly out and had a glass of wine and explained to her how she doesn't have children, I do. I did this naively explaining over and over why I didn't discipline my daughter. A week later she's still calling and screeching at me about this. Here I am busy 2 kids, a fixer upper and a business to run.
Now Molly is referring people to our office out of the blue. Once again Greg tells me to let it go for the money. Always money and someone else. Now I have this bad behavior in my work place. My families bread and butter. This was 2 years ago. Greg read the letter I wrote to Molly because she wouldn't hear my words, maybe a letter to look upon and think about? Then I find out Greg is hanging out with Wes and Molly with my children? Now I know why Greg is so willing to take the kids. He's once again leaving his wife to sit in the shit and he didn't back me. He didn't speak the Truth of what really happened after that spilled glass of red wine. The reason I got up and went into the kitchen. In case he didn't notice he didn't discipline her either. I told him then when we were watching the good I was seeing and he didn't disagree. Now two years later my mother in law finds out and it's not any of her business and I'm left to defend myself for something I did not do, discipline my 3 year old.
I got my day care license when Alex was just a couple months old.
I read every child rearing book. My discipline was to make them hug like care bear's in between the minutes of their age.
I took them to the library and read to them
We did Kitchen science on rainy days
I went and got a liver when my mother gave Kai pop at 3 and I showed her why it's okay every now and then.
I was one of the founding member's of the indoor playground.
While in California I was a volunteer for kids that were borderline gang members. Even then I was wondering where are the parents?
I worked with kids who were special ed in Junior High
I put on the first Halloween party in Snq. Valley and after that Children's services liked it so much they took it over.
I cooked for new mothers in the valley because I knew how it felt to have no one after you have a child. To be alone.
When you wanted to illegally move boy's that are level four child molester's into the valley it was her who sat up all night long typing a flier about this and went into Issaquah in the middle of the night to make copies. She stood at her children's and her soccer jamboree handing out these flier's 
When things got to be to much in life I had no problem going to a councilor to vent. Isn't that what you are supposed to do? In this system you are guilty first and never able to get back to the table to speak Truth about the set-up and how he came and took my work for the summer and told her she needed to start going out with her friend's and loosen up. Yet you let a mentally ill man and Mary Stones white collar crime destroy this mothers pride, her integrity. Do you know how she was treated in the valley after this unfounded restraining order? The Character assination they did in the destroying of this woman's reputation. A man who had no empathy or compassion for pain. It was all a lie. It's just so un-civil. separating out the court system in a divorce and Truth. The first casualty of war? Truth.