Devil Went Down To Georgia/Charlie Daniels Band
Satan my brother is draining my energy. He's making my hands weak. I need these hands for my family upstairs. I can't carry the trays and plates to serve the food anymore. My family was right I'm done serving food. I have to hold them out for just a couple months more. Help, a girls got to eat? I served food and cleaned other people's houses all those years, it was for my family upstairs. I never really got paid. I have to trust my family upstairs to get me through.
I have figured out Satan's plan to take out the mother through starving her children? That is why all the poisonous food and water. That is why my energy drain and fatigue.
Satan's plan is to take out God by killing off his one true love. Mother earth and the holy mother are one and the same energy source. That energy source is mother earth and the Sun. His Son, the Father.
No one ever said the twelve fruits of the tree have to come from one family here on this planet?
JC and the Holy Mother/Mother Nature are two halves of one whole heart this time. Tween the two shall meet.
Satan ICU trying to get me homeless without a roof over my head so you can get me out in the dark alone? Bring it brother. I hop buses all day and night long. I will lock the door and throw away the key to my daughters heart one last time. Your new number will be 000000000 times three forevermore.
Monday, May 16, 2016
Monday, May 9, 2016
World Peace
I have been just fuming over the fact that Satan was in the womb with me when I was pregnant with Kiley? That is why I felt so drained? My body was burning up fighting him away from my unborn daughter? That's why the food poisoning while I was two months pregnant? No one else got sick except me? I called Taco Bell, Taco Hell. I almost miscarried at four months with Alex. All I have to hold onto is Greg telling me at the worst possible moments in my life "to buck up, I can handle it." I mean really Greg, even if this is a darkness I was fighting on the inside on the human side, why would you never help me? Why did you always leave your dirty laundry for me to clean up when it was your mess?
They took me back to a prayer that I had when I said, "all I want is peace." It wasn't voices in my head it was simply that I couldn't just spend time with my children and relax. I always had so much to do. I was always in a rush squeezing in even play dates, owning three business and volunteering at school? When I think about it back then I didn't like for myself, the two working people in a family like I thought I would? I wanted to be away for just a lil while to do something for myself that was a part of me.
After Alex was born I signed up for voice lessons like every other week over by Greg's work in Bellevue. I figured he'd get alone time with Alex for a lil' while and I can get something done for me. I mean Greg had two hour lunches everyday and sometimes he had reports and charts and others he'd meet someone for lunch to expand his clientele. Wouldn't you know it Greg canceled three out of the four times on me. If something came up it fell on my day every time.
From the beginning way of my life I always worked out. I wasn't a fanatic but I pretty much did something everyday, always a combination of weights, running, aerobics or yoga. After we had kids it was a battle just to get to go to the gym. It didn't matter how cheap, it didn't matter if I went if he was at home, it was a battle. I have figured out that when you meet someone you can't take away something that is good. That is a part of them. Truth be told you don't take care of your bitch, you create a bitch. I haven't lost it yet.
The only reason that I went to that meditation class was because I was having a hard time connecting. I wasn't even aware how much I really connected. While I was there I was told that I was here for Kiley that she wanted me there. I said, that would be a no, I'm here for myself. Little did I know who I really was? I had forgotten all about that black shadow and that is why I compartmentalized it. When you pray, you pray from the heart. You pray with what you are feeling inside. It's not about any one situation its just the emotion.
The reason why I let them have it upstairs the way I do is because hell they had to of lived with me before? They knew what they were getting into upstairs with me? If I'm thinking it when I'm pissed off I let them have it. I mean come on, if they had told me before that Satan is making a play and that play is to take out the Father through the mother and her children, I would of said, "uh uh no way, you all get someone else for this one."
At first I heard family, and when they asked if they can come into me I never even realized until later on that their was a they? I forgot about the they part? I heard family and save. Then they took me right into my children's father. Wow, the energy of that scene was real old. I have figured that the G this time represent God. I have faith in Greg that he will bring it when the time comes and I know in the mean time he's going to schmooze behind the scenes through my children. I figured out that the issue was that Greg took the all three businesses out of my name behind my back with Mary Stone. Looking back Greg did a lot of things behind my back. He apparently is angry for some reason and if I failed him it's only because he failed me first. I couldn't even get a chiropractic treatment from him. If a client came in when I'd sneak to lie on that hydro bed. A walk in would come in and Greg couldn't ask them to wait for ten minutes for his wife?
Then after the divorce I couldn't afford health insurance and I asked Greg if he could keep me on and I'd pay the difference and he said no? I spent hundreds and hundreds of dollars on migraine medication and being a guinea pig for the lamest ass studies ever. The most assinine shit they put me through for years? I needed more than six to nine migraine pills a month. Because of the guidelines I couldn't get that. They made me feel guilty as a patient for needing help for my pain in my neck and back. I had never been diagnosed and told I was lying just to get pain pills. Then I'd get paranoid of the pain. I mean how can I take care of my daughters day after day, do all that volunteer work, 3 businesses and a fixer upper? Hell my kitchen never got done. My fridge was on the other side of the kitchen and I sure as hell didn't need white linoleum floors not with all my children, our friends and all their animals? Yes my friends brought their animals to my house too. I was the dog lady after all. I took in the strays too.
I always understood little dog's. Why they moved so fast and why they were so yappy. You'd be fast to if you had to move around all these giant feet? You'd be yappy if you were always getting stepped on. I always laughed when the lil' dogs would line up on the couch and get those big dogs in line if they crossed their nose over the couch edge. Yes I stepped in and made my dogs stop, no being rude in my house.
I had always seen a Cain and Abel fight from right around the second month I think. I felt a huge brother and brother fight. I didn't want certain boys around each other at the time because I felt a real primal fight coming on between brother and brother from long long ago. Later on I sensed a real David and Goliath fight. I also don't know how it never dawned on me that I was David in this story line. I wasn't happy about Satan being in the womb with my daughter. I'm not one God Damned bit happy that my children's uncle is Satan/Lucifer. Yeah their is a few of those dark essence carrying through people. To finally realize how close my family is to Satan?
The fine line of Love and Hate? Not for me this time. That line has widened into all of this gray matter I see around me. The gray matter in our minds. That purgatory they have placed us in with all of our fears. I was not happy to find out that the E.T. and Satan are the two brothers working within the investors. The insurance, pharmacy health care and lies in that are huge? All those labels of mental illness and pills that are made up to suppress us? This technology we count to much on today. It is literally shutting us down and holding us back. Plus all these maintenance cost warranties upgrades new software taking over new contracts and binds and disclaimers that are all lies.
The fear in the bibles? The fear of sin and pitting and creating blame right from the beginning from brother to sister? Eons ago people. It is a huge old lie. The rules and rituals to keep you stressed and to busy to accommodate all the demands on peoples heads today? I mean working two jobs to pay the rent is unforgivable. All we do is blame others who struggle and they like that in hell. They like us fighting and all this discontent. The way I see it, their really isn't one nation that can really point a finger at each other right now? It's not about blame anymore people. We see what blame creates? It creates distention, and fear. Satan feeds on that and grows and grows. It's not the bible or story lines that I have a issue with it is the parts that create distention. How is that distention Love? I mean ask yourself WWJD? That time is coming. I can't stop it but I can give you the answers to get stronger inside.
The job I started last week that I love. Even if I'm slinging red sauce. My arms are strong but my hands are to weak to carry the tray or plate. I couldn't even finish running food. After one week my hands are strained. Satan at work in me. Today thank God Michael gets off early because I have to go buy two hand braces to get through work tonight. If that doesn't work, I'm fucked. The rug gets pulled out from under me again.
They took me back to a prayer that I had when I said, "all I want is peace." It wasn't voices in my head it was simply that I couldn't just spend time with my children and relax. I always had so much to do. I was always in a rush squeezing in even play dates, owning three business and volunteering at school? When I think about it back then I didn't like for myself, the two working people in a family like I thought I would? I wanted to be away for just a lil while to do something for myself that was a part of me.
After Alex was born I signed up for voice lessons like every other week over by Greg's work in Bellevue. I figured he'd get alone time with Alex for a lil' while and I can get something done for me. I mean Greg had two hour lunches everyday and sometimes he had reports and charts and others he'd meet someone for lunch to expand his clientele. Wouldn't you know it Greg canceled three out of the four times on me. If something came up it fell on my day every time.
From the beginning way of my life I always worked out. I wasn't a fanatic but I pretty much did something everyday, always a combination of weights, running, aerobics or yoga. After we had kids it was a battle just to get to go to the gym. It didn't matter how cheap, it didn't matter if I went if he was at home, it was a battle. I have figured out that when you meet someone you can't take away something that is good. That is a part of them. Truth be told you don't take care of your bitch, you create a bitch. I haven't lost it yet.
The only reason that I went to that meditation class was because I was having a hard time connecting. I wasn't even aware how much I really connected. While I was there I was told that I was here for Kiley that she wanted me there. I said, that would be a no, I'm here for myself. Little did I know who I really was? I had forgotten all about that black shadow and that is why I compartmentalized it. When you pray, you pray from the heart. You pray with what you are feeling inside. It's not about any one situation its just the emotion.
The reason why I let them have it upstairs the way I do is because hell they had to of lived with me before? They knew what they were getting into upstairs with me? If I'm thinking it when I'm pissed off I let them have it. I mean come on, if they had told me before that Satan is making a play and that play is to take out the Father through the mother and her children, I would of said, "uh uh no way, you all get someone else for this one."
At first I heard family, and when they asked if they can come into me I never even realized until later on that their was a they? I forgot about the they part? I heard family and save. Then they took me right into my children's father. Wow, the energy of that scene was real old. I have figured that the G this time represent God. I have faith in Greg that he will bring it when the time comes and I know in the mean time he's going to schmooze behind the scenes through my children. I figured out that the issue was that Greg took the all three businesses out of my name behind my back with Mary Stone. Looking back Greg did a lot of things behind my back. He apparently is angry for some reason and if I failed him it's only because he failed me first. I couldn't even get a chiropractic treatment from him. If a client came in when I'd sneak to lie on that hydro bed. A walk in would come in and Greg couldn't ask them to wait for ten minutes for his wife?
Then after the divorce I couldn't afford health insurance and I asked Greg if he could keep me on and I'd pay the difference and he said no? I spent hundreds and hundreds of dollars on migraine medication and being a guinea pig for the lamest ass studies ever. The most assinine shit they put me through for years? I needed more than six to nine migraine pills a month. Because of the guidelines I couldn't get that. They made me feel guilty as a patient for needing help for my pain in my neck and back. I had never been diagnosed and told I was lying just to get pain pills. Then I'd get paranoid of the pain. I mean how can I take care of my daughters day after day, do all that volunteer work, 3 businesses and a fixer upper? Hell my kitchen never got done. My fridge was on the other side of the kitchen and I sure as hell didn't need white linoleum floors not with all my children, our friends and all their animals? Yes my friends brought their animals to my house too. I was the dog lady after all. I took in the strays too.
I always understood little dog's. Why they moved so fast and why they were so yappy. You'd be fast to if you had to move around all these giant feet? You'd be yappy if you were always getting stepped on. I always laughed when the lil' dogs would line up on the couch and get those big dogs in line if they crossed their nose over the couch edge. Yes I stepped in and made my dogs stop, no being rude in my house.
I had always seen a Cain and Abel fight from right around the second month I think. I felt a huge brother and brother fight. I didn't want certain boys around each other at the time because I felt a real primal fight coming on between brother and brother from long long ago. Later on I sensed a real David and Goliath fight. I also don't know how it never dawned on me that I was David in this story line. I wasn't happy about Satan being in the womb with my daughter. I'm not one God Damned bit happy that my children's uncle is Satan/Lucifer. Yeah their is a few of those dark essence carrying through people. To finally realize how close my family is to Satan?
The fine line of Love and Hate? Not for me this time. That line has widened into all of this gray matter I see around me. The gray matter in our minds. That purgatory they have placed us in with all of our fears. I was not happy to find out that the E.T. and Satan are the two brothers working within the investors. The insurance, pharmacy health care and lies in that are huge? All those labels of mental illness and pills that are made up to suppress us? This technology we count to much on today. It is literally shutting us down and holding us back. Plus all these maintenance cost warranties upgrades new software taking over new contracts and binds and disclaimers that are all lies.
The fear in the bibles? The fear of sin and pitting and creating blame right from the beginning from brother to sister? Eons ago people. It is a huge old lie. The rules and rituals to keep you stressed and to busy to accommodate all the demands on peoples heads today? I mean working two jobs to pay the rent is unforgivable. All we do is blame others who struggle and they like that in hell. They like us fighting and all this discontent. The way I see it, their really isn't one nation that can really point a finger at each other right now? It's not about blame anymore people. We see what blame creates? It creates distention, and fear. Satan feeds on that and grows and grows. It's not the bible or story lines that I have a issue with it is the parts that create distention. How is that distention Love? I mean ask yourself WWJD? That time is coming. I can't stop it but I can give you the answers to get stronger inside.
The job I started last week that I love. Even if I'm slinging red sauce. My arms are strong but my hands are to weak to carry the tray or plate. I couldn't even finish running food. After one week my hands are strained. Satan at work in me. Today thank God Michael gets off early because I have to go buy two hand braces to get through work tonight. If that doesn't work, I'm fucked. The rug gets pulled out from under me again.
Monday, May 2, 2016
I Can See Clearly Now
05/02/2016 Karma is a BITCH
Music for the moment is Panic At The Disco, shuffle.
God damned tobacco anyway. I'm a lil hot under the collar today. I know things have been on the upside lately but really sometimes these ladies really piss me off. I had a secret stash of tobacco here on the site. Two women knew it was there. I told them to help themselves but remember that is my backup stash for when I run out. I start my job today. Well I am supposed to at two o clock. My crews for shoes won't be here until tomorrow and no one has a clue what time? I need those shoes for work today is just paperwork. I have three smokes left expecting to roll and all my tobacco is gone including my back up stash to that bag.
Do you think I am happy? I am up to here with this give an inch and take a mile. No one thinks about who is coming up behind you anymore? No one thinks about the mess they leave behind expecting someone else to clean it up? It was like that at TA. I'd ask a certain server every time I worked with her "if these were her dishes? Every time she said yes, and not one time did she walk out that door with those dishes cleaned up. I mean for God's sake you are a server. Your mother don't work here, clean up your own God Damn mess."
In this house these women know if I see you walk out of a bathroom and you left that toilet paper role empty I step outside in the hallway and I call you out. I make it fun a game. Just to make people think. I looked at both of these women and I said "you mean to tell me, not one of you thought about me when you saw it was low or when you used the last of it? I have covered you women for over a week and this is what you two do?" With their eyes cast down and head bowed they stuttered out, we will replace your bag of tobacco once we get paid. I said what do I do until then? Do you know how many hours it is going to take me to go get Michael's card to buy a pack of smokes? If I'm lucky enough to find a store that sells smokes in that area without going further out of my way? Now I don't want another bag of tobacco. I smoke Marlboro black longs and I expect a pack from each of you. They are just lucky I don't hold grudges.
In the last few weeks I found a pair of clear lens and clear frame glasses. I put them on and I could see so much clearer than the other pair that came my way. Those had three lil white rhinestones on the outside corner of each eye. I was just walking along and their they sat right on the sidewalk. If I had not been looking I would of stepped right on them. They were just my size. No fat head had worn these ones. They fit me just perfect.
A few days back I looked down and I picked up a nickel. It was a liberty nickel dated 2013. You know what I saw? I saw zero, one, two, three. I know what that code means. I mean really if you think I don't hold the keys to this code you better think again? I see zero king and me. Those numbers add up to one. Now I know I always got two more behind me and so does he. I mean really I know who my four kings are. I might not know what Brother Red holds in his hand. I might not know who Kyle's daddy is right here or on that front line, but to tell you the truth I don't need to know that? I don't need to know what that father of that trinity holds in his hand? All I need to know is that their is a very powerful four square on both ends of this family tree.
Talk about Karma. I remember writing a while back that for once I want to see Karma at work? I LMFAO when I realized yesterday or the day before that I did see it. The night that Demon Dog died in Fife? It might be just a scratch to you, a lil bite even but I assure you up there that is a lightening bolt. Strike one you are out of the game. I don't have to see the outcome. That Demon Dog made a choice when he touched me. Hey I can't help what my family is cooking up up there? All I can do is handle my own right here. What can I say Karma can be a real BITCH.
Know what else dawned on me? That I got the Right Hand of God. All this dancing that I am doing is getting me ready for the day when he comes. You do know he is coming? I get happy feet just thinking about it. I wag my tail every time just thinking about it. Time to get on your dancing shoes. This Tinker Bell shit is starting to kick in. I mean when you think about it my family comes from the land of giants. To them I am a Tinker Bell and I was dancing with my shadow again last night. I'm working on my balance on my tipsy toes. Some day they will be ballerina dancing feet.
You know what else I found out? The Truth behind Greg's lies? Good or bad he led me to the answers. Oh yes, and I'm certain I'll thrash his ass a few more times before this is over. It's a tough job but somebody has got to do it. It's not to take him down but to lift him up. The hits he is going to take when this gets out is nothing compared to what he is going to take when this goes down. By me finding the answers to the issues at hand here. You know this, Greg figuring things out? Picking the Mother? Not one time has he picked me. Not one time has he ever answered any questions, not one. Ever! He would tell me I'm just making excuses for my bad behavior and I recall from the very beginning he has not ever answered one question why Greg? Why can't you be here for me? Where are you Greg every time the chips fall? Why did you leave me to clean up your mess? When I got out of my first rehab looking back I apologized to him for my side of the street. I knew all along that he burned me out. He literally kept his right hand on the pillow on the bed. Do you wanna know what his response was? A curt nod and eye roll up. That was all. Why Greg did you always dump your dirty laundry at my doorstep and expect me to clean it up? For now on Greg you clean up your own messes. I'm done.
I got a list as long as my arm, easily. Want to know what else I have learned? I posted a few days back on my Facebook post a It a picture of Greg with Alex, and I wrote what was in my heart. That seems to be all I do is write what is in my heart at the moment. I wrote this is why I do this for these two people and Kiley. Never forget Kiley. I had just handed him back to them upstairs to do with what they want and I realized when I wrote that I took him back again. I wasn't happy about that.
I also learned what I got and I've gotten stronger in just who it is that I am. My family rocks what can I say? I like the way they teach better than any classroom I ever sat in. I found a couple days ago another nickel it was dated 2006. That is what IC. I see two zero's two times strong. The two you least expect? The two you didn't see coming? Who says two middle aged people can't bring down this house of cards and show you how it's done? Who says we aren't going to hit the ball out of this park the day we take down our brother from another place and time? Because with us two all we need is one six, one heartbeat and one lighting rod.
(For those that are following along I added stuff to the end of Revelations 101)
I was looking over something I wrote the other night. I'll share it with you all.
H.O.L.Y. Florida Georgia Line
This Cross this Holly Cross
Won't be full of holes anymore
This Cross will stand strong once and for all
With The Brother and The Sister
With this Son
With this Daughter
This cross will stand strong
This cross will stand tall
This Holly Cross will be full again
Full of unconditional LOVE
This Cross will represent
One God and One Mother
Once and for all
Because we all know behind every good man
Stands a good woman
This Cross will shine bright once and for all
Under this father
Under this mother
This is Faith
This is Destiny
And in them together
One heartbeat
Two drumbeats
Three chants
Four prayers
From the North, South, East and West
And all in between
We have One Truth
We have One Power
We have One Family
Once and for all
One everlasting Love
One everlasting Light
From infinity and Beyond
Now get the Fuck off MY Rock
And don't you ever come back
This family don't beg
This family don't dicker
This family don't dawdle
Most of all this family don't run
This family, well we don't ask twice
This is my Country Pride
These are my Children
I'm the Queen Bee
I'm the Queen Cunt of all the land
Bitch I'm ready to rumble
I've got courage
I've got a heart of gold
Music for the moment is Panic At The Disco, shuffle.
God damned tobacco anyway. I'm a lil hot under the collar today. I know things have been on the upside lately but really sometimes these ladies really piss me off. I had a secret stash of tobacco here on the site. Two women knew it was there. I told them to help themselves but remember that is my backup stash for when I run out. I start my job today. Well I am supposed to at two o clock. My crews for shoes won't be here until tomorrow and no one has a clue what time? I need those shoes for work today is just paperwork. I have three smokes left expecting to roll and all my tobacco is gone including my back up stash to that bag.
Do you think I am happy? I am up to here with this give an inch and take a mile. No one thinks about who is coming up behind you anymore? No one thinks about the mess they leave behind expecting someone else to clean it up? It was like that at TA. I'd ask a certain server every time I worked with her "if these were her dishes? Every time she said yes, and not one time did she walk out that door with those dishes cleaned up. I mean for God's sake you are a server. Your mother don't work here, clean up your own God Damn mess."
In this house these women know if I see you walk out of a bathroom and you left that toilet paper role empty I step outside in the hallway and I call you out. I make it fun a game. Just to make people think. I looked at both of these women and I said "you mean to tell me, not one of you thought about me when you saw it was low or when you used the last of it? I have covered you women for over a week and this is what you two do?" With their eyes cast down and head bowed they stuttered out, we will replace your bag of tobacco once we get paid. I said what do I do until then? Do you know how many hours it is going to take me to go get Michael's card to buy a pack of smokes? If I'm lucky enough to find a store that sells smokes in that area without going further out of my way? Now I don't want another bag of tobacco. I smoke Marlboro black longs and I expect a pack from each of you. They are just lucky I don't hold grudges.
In the last few weeks I found a pair of clear lens and clear frame glasses. I put them on and I could see so much clearer than the other pair that came my way. Those had three lil white rhinestones on the outside corner of each eye. I was just walking along and their they sat right on the sidewalk. If I had not been looking I would of stepped right on them. They were just my size. No fat head had worn these ones. They fit me just perfect.
A few days back I looked down and I picked up a nickel. It was a liberty nickel dated 2013. You know what I saw? I saw zero, one, two, three. I know what that code means. I mean really if you think I don't hold the keys to this code you better think again? I see zero king and me. Those numbers add up to one. Now I know I always got two more behind me and so does he. I mean really I know who my four kings are. I might not know what Brother Red holds in his hand. I might not know who Kyle's daddy is right here or on that front line, but to tell you the truth I don't need to know that? I don't need to know what that father of that trinity holds in his hand? All I need to know is that their is a very powerful four square on both ends of this family tree.
Talk about Karma. I remember writing a while back that for once I want to see Karma at work? I LMFAO when I realized yesterday or the day before that I did see it. The night that Demon Dog died in Fife? It might be just a scratch to you, a lil bite even but I assure you up there that is a lightening bolt. Strike one you are out of the game. I don't have to see the outcome. That Demon Dog made a choice when he touched me. Hey I can't help what my family is cooking up up there? All I can do is handle my own right here. What can I say Karma can be a real BITCH.
Know what else dawned on me? That I got the Right Hand of God. All this dancing that I am doing is getting me ready for the day when he comes. You do know he is coming? I get happy feet just thinking about it. I wag my tail every time just thinking about it. Time to get on your dancing shoes. This Tinker Bell shit is starting to kick in. I mean when you think about it my family comes from the land of giants. To them I am a Tinker Bell and I was dancing with my shadow again last night. I'm working on my balance on my tipsy toes. Some day they will be ballerina dancing feet.
You know what else I found out? The Truth behind Greg's lies? Good or bad he led me to the answers. Oh yes, and I'm certain I'll thrash his ass a few more times before this is over. It's a tough job but somebody has got to do it. It's not to take him down but to lift him up. The hits he is going to take when this gets out is nothing compared to what he is going to take when this goes down. By me finding the answers to the issues at hand here. You know this, Greg figuring things out? Picking the Mother? Not one time has he picked me. Not one time has he ever answered any questions, not one. Ever! He would tell me I'm just making excuses for my bad behavior and I recall from the very beginning he has not ever answered one question why Greg? Why can't you be here for me? Where are you Greg every time the chips fall? Why did you leave me to clean up your mess? When I got out of my first rehab looking back I apologized to him for my side of the street. I knew all along that he burned me out. He literally kept his right hand on the pillow on the bed. Do you wanna know what his response was? A curt nod and eye roll up. That was all. Why Greg did you always dump your dirty laundry at my doorstep and expect me to clean it up? For now on Greg you clean up your own messes. I'm done.
I got a list as long as my arm, easily. Want to know what else I have learned? I posted a few days back on my Facebook post a It a picture of Greg with Alex, and I wrote what was in my heart. That seems to be all I do is write what is in my heart at the moment. I wrote this is why I do this for these two people and Kiley. Never forget Kiley. I had just handed him back to them upstairs to do with what they want and I realized when I wrote that I took him back again. I wasn't happy about that.
I also learned what I got and I've gotten stronger in just who it is that I am. My family rocks what can I say? I like the way they teach better than any classroom I ever sat in. I found a couple days ago another nickel it was dated 2006. That is what IC. I see two zero's two times strong. The two you least expect? The two you didn't see coming? Who says two middle aged people can't bring down this house of cards and show you how it's done? Who says we aren't going to hit the ball out of this park the day we take down our brother from another place and time? Because with us two all we need is one six, one heartbeat and one lighting rod.
(For those that are following along I added stuff to the end of Revelations 101)
I was looking over something I wrote the other night. I'll share it with you all.
H.O.L.Y. Florida Georgia Line
This Cross this Holly Cross
Won't be full of holes anymore
This Cross will stand strong once and for all
With The Brother and The Sister
With this Son
With this Daughter
This cross will stand strong
This cross will stand tall
This Holly Cross will be full again
Full of unconditional LOVE
This Cross will represent
One God and One Mother
Once and for all
Because we all know behind every good man
Stands a good woman
This Cross will shine bright once and for all
Under this father
Under this mother
This is Faith
This is Destiny
And in them together
One heartbeat
Two drumbeats
Three chants
Four prayers
From the North, South, East and West
And all in between
We have One Truth
We have One Power
We have One Family
Once and for all
One everlasting Love
One everlasting Light
From infinity and Beyond
Now get the Fuck off MY Rock
And don't you ever come back
This family don't beg
This family don't dicker
This family don't dawdle
Most of all this family don't run
This family, well we don't ask twice
This is my Country Pride
These are my Children
I'm the Queen Bee
I'm the Queen Cunt of all the land
Bitch I'm ready to rumble
I've got courage
I've got a heart of gold
Saturday, April 30, 2016
Revelations 101
04/30/2016 REVELATIONS 101 QUEEN C 101
WOW! The Mother Fucking things I have learned about myself and just who the fuck I really am? I'm pretty burned out. Burned out looking at all these pretty houses with all these ugly people inside. That's why God doesn't sit in any box and neither does his daughter. These people they invite you in with their smiley faces. They offer you cookies and milk. Oh they seem so nice, so sweet with all these good intentions. All these pretty little people sitting in the corner with their thumbs up their ass.
They bury their heads in the sand and while they aren't looking someone sticks it in and plugs you up. Then you turn around and blame everyone else for all your problems? You blame them for how you really feel inside? Then when you finally explode, you point the finger as you spew your poison, your venom, all that hate in your heart you blame. You become weak and selfish, you all think your so entitled, all you pretty little people, sitting in your ugly houses. Yup I see it, that is what I see. I see EGO running this house and that just ain't what it's all about. I don't give a fuck what house you sit in this house of cards comes down. That is just what this MOTHER FUCKING MOTHER SEES.
You blame sin, yet you encourage sin? Let me ask you this where did all you lil children really come from? How did this all get started? Pointing the finger at the women in the bedroom, really? I guarantee anything you do in that bedroom, your mother did it first or you all wouldn't be here right now. I can promise you when all this got started your True Mother wasn't laying on her back. I'm talking about Mother Nature. I mean really what the fuck, where do you think this really started? If your Mother and Father didn't play in all sorts of ways, all you lil Holy Spirits wouldn't be here right now. Just where the Fuck do you think you got those dancing feet? That rhythm you feel inside you, the rhythm of this one nation under one God's tiny feet? That's right their is all kinds of dances to get you moving.
Last night I was dancing under the lights with my black shadow. Trying to get my balance. I actually yelled out, "why can't I try this flat footed first? Just let me get my balance." I mean really what do they expect anyways? I'm a forty eight years old. I grew up climbing tree's and fences, not dancing. A woman pulls up, I remove my ear plug to turn down the music half way. (My IPOD got stuck on "Hanging By A Moment, Creed") I asked her if I could help her? I was informed that I was not allowed to be here and dance in this parking lot of God's house, that I need to go back with all the other black sheep. I replied, "I thought it was just that we can't smoke in the parking lot?" Due to security reasons I can't be here in this place under the lights dancing for my family. Who are these buildings and parking lots really protecting and what are they afraid of anyways? Now ask yourself, "What would Faith do?"
Yeah I know I don't look very Godly. What did I have on last night? I realized what I was wearing the night before last, when I was laying on my mat? My colors? This woman who claims to represent God and His land didn't like what she saw when she took a look at me. I must of looked a fright waving my right hand in the air, twirling all around, with my hips swaying to the rhythm, as I practice my moves upon my tipsy toes. I mean I am all dressed in black, red coat, blue vest. Up on my dancing feet, I wear my universal vans. It might of been my scary hat. I'm really scary when I wear my scary hat. Out of all the hats that have came along this one hat is my very favorite one. It's a black hat with a skull and holes for eyes. Don't forget that flag, I danced with my red white and blue on my ass. I guess I'm gonna have to go back out to the corner. This HOPE church needs all the help it can get.
The other night I was listening to "Love The Way You Lie" by Eminem. Now that lil white boy can hit that rage in his music. Truth in all the lies and emotions. Yeah I like all kinds of music maybe not every song a group plays but for the most part all music hits a note of emotion in me. This one struck a cord a couple evenings ago. I knew just how she felt. That rage and confusion in Him. That is what is happening to our love. It seems to hurt and burn. We learn to like that kind of love. The other side of that pain is the rage. The rage in all that pain as it burns. We learn to tolerate and like the pain. All that confusion in Love? You thought all that confusion we are having is just in the bedroom?
The chord this song struck is that confusion in Love. That Love is not God's Love. It's Satan's idea of what Love is. That is another form of EVOL in the LOVE that I see. You see the thing about demons when they sit inside our minds and in our hearts, is the pain of LOVE and all that confusion of just what True Love really is? You see EVOL isn't just written in the bibles and all those big books. This is the EVOL I see in what was planted in each of us so long ago. Yup, my family dangled me over this fire a long time ago. They baited me when they hooked me up. Everyday I'm out here, I see a lot more than you do. Everyday I'm our here. I get a lil bigger and I get a lil stronger. You think this shit doesn't piss me off? Then you better think again. You think I don't know what's going on in my house? Then you better Mother Fucking think again.
That night I sat down for about five minutes and wheel of fortune was on TV. The word a name of a place. Guess what it was? I promise you I laughed my fucking ass off. It is "This Place Is HEAVEN ON EARTH." The word's after was Wonder Woman and precious metals. Yeah, I like my families sign's. I told you no one changes Destiny's path.
The other song's I found on my IPOD were, "The Reason by Hoobstank and Demons, Imagine Dragons. Yeah music moves me and moves me along on my path. It motivates me it drives me and that beat well it just makes me want to dance my emotions and moods away when I dance for them. The other night when I kept moving along with Pitch Perfect Two, I remember one of the songs got dark. I just shook it off and kept moving. Then the music got real spiritual. I remember this one part of what I was seeing and doing with my hands. It was a part of a song where I saw Kyle kneeling on the ground and I was moving my hands my finger tips straight up and down and I saw a white light in a lit up straight line of white glowing over his bald head, and the words in the song were saying, Father to Son. I knew then I was the Mother connecting Him with His Father through His Mother. It was a real warm feeling for me, happy and peaceful, until someone tapped me on the shoulder to make a comment, well a question really, wanting to know if I knew what I was doing? I said yes, I do, and I don't care what people think when I dance.
After seeing that I didn't care anymore and I understood then that I don't dance for you I dance for Him. I agreed to look crazy and for Him yes I will look crazy. Those baby girls are not going down. Not if I have anything to do with it. After what I learned yesterday, I now know the meaning of "over my dead body." That shit just ain't gonna happen. So when I laid on that mat and I looked down I realized I was wearing torn up white jeans, my red coat with my blue vest, and don't forget the flag on my ass. Yes, I dance for My Nation. I dance for My People. I dance for My Tribe and His Tribe not yours. I assure you when this hit's their will be a dance war for awhile. This is going to be a spiritual dance war.
That was when it hit me that night I cleaned that pipe? Well it's not clean I assure you that. I think they just had me knocking on it's door letting them know, I'm near and I'm coming in to get my souls. On another night I stomped on those grates all night long. I like to think I was stomping on that bitches head. Things are really dawning on me looking back about that apology, standing on that oil can? The one I thought was for Him but it turns out it was for me? I realize looking back the way I took off running like a gun went off behind me. I was literally running a race. It was July 12, 2015. It was the day after we spoke I think? I never did make it back. it was the day I heard "Sorry, their wasn't enough time."Timelines, family lineage, they go way back. So does that essence, so does that dew drop. What can I say MY FAMILY REALLY ROCKS.
What can I say my family got to the point finally of just what this really is all about. "Satan is in the house." Yup this is what they meant when I heard our nine lives are up? Don't you worry, don't you fret because I learned something else about myself the other day? Yeah this is the good part about learning just who you really are before they dropped this time bomb on me. You remember they let me know this very same day just who my daddy represents. MY DADDY REPRESENTS JC, boys and girls. So does my brother. Don't you ever forget it.
Yup! It's that special essence in this honey pots family. I got My Michael right here, I got My Brother Red right here on this ground. I've learned something else about my X? I learned just who's sixes those numbers represent? My X husband, my Father I chose he's got four sixes in that number he was assigned. Now when they said brother does not lie with brother, they never said anything about brother lying with sister? You know about those numbers and just who my other brothers and sisters are it's our birth dates all those 67 and 68's. I was born in 68 and Greg was born in 67. We are from two different schools right here in this Washington. I like that we both graduated in 1968. Don't forget about all those brothers and sisters we touched lives with over the generations?
I want you to remember something else about my X, he only has lived on this West Coast line also. My family doesn't take me down they lift me up. Yup that's right I figured out my four C's a long time ago. That brother carries the special essence also. Now you might be worried about this Lucifer fellow but I assure you I'm not. I mean just who the fucks son do you think he is anyways? That's right Lucifer's Mother is in the house. You think I wouldn't know his work anywhere? I am his Mother after all. Why the Fuck do you think my Demons Mother has such a sharp tongue? This Mothers tongue of Truth. If you think for One Mother Fucking God Damn minute, I'm coming back again for you all to fuck around and bury your heads in the sand, you got another thing coming?
Now I'm sick of this Shit that IC. Michael insisted a couple nights ago that we needed to buy brand spanking new cords to recharge my IPOD. I wanted to go to the pawn shop. I mean why invest fully into something you didn't even pay for in the first place? Total dollar for the cord and wall adapter was $37.50 something like that. I'm listening to the process just to purchase this cord at the Apple store in Kent and I couldn't believe the load of shit they were charging for a whole hell of allot of nothing but air. They offer you nothing in that high price.
Michael insisted and I had to walk out listening to all this bullshit. First they want his name just to make the purchase. Then they want more personal information and Michael ask for what? Apparently now just to buy cords they sell you a warranty in the price. Right off the top they don't even ask of you want to be fed this load of shit. It was for a three year guarantee that the product will do its job. The job it was supposed to do in the first place? Then before they ran his card they wanted to see his ID of proof that he really was saying who he really is purchasing this shit they were feeding him. I mean really? Call me old fashioned but when I was a kid you could buy a cord for a buck fifty and it lasted a real long time. Decade's even.
Now how many people really keep track of all these cords and carry or go back to return it in the first place? Lets not forget how disposable these cords are and all the garbage they put in the land fills? I couldn't walk away from this one and let Michael have his way. I asked him to return it. He did and when he came back out, he told me it would take two days for the money to be returned to his account. Imagine that? They can take your money and your life story to hassle you and try to sell you something all to pay a a high price to belong to their club? When you step out they hold your money? They punish you and cause you more stress because now you have to go back and check it. What if Michael needed that money to purchase a new one? Then we'd have to wait a couple days and they get to choose that path for me? We decided not to do business anymore. Yes Michael only had to pay ten ninety five to get me a new cord. Sometimes you might want to ask, "What Would Your Mother Do?"
Look what it really cost with all this mark up and high price? All this high cost of living at a low price? You do know that the Govt and all these corporations that feed off of us and drain our lives away are basically Multi Level Marketing? They are trying to make us tolerate our environment before Satan steps in so you won't see him coming. Now I'm here to take the pain out of LOVE once and for all. Time to get rid of this purgatory that someone else placed us in. Either in our bodies, our minds or our hearts. I assure you I do this for LOVE and I know who MY DADDY IS.
I admit it was hard bite to take myself at first. To be opened wide at first, but My Family healed me first. This system of books all filled with lies and rules they poisoned me. When they asked me if they could come inside me to save my family I said yes. I had no idea it was about my children. I certainly wasn't happy when it dawned on me when I wrote "someone is trying to take down God" what I didn't write was the last of that verse. Through the children he's going to take out The Mother. Yup! It was then that it dawned on me just what I had been writing all along "Satan is going after me and my children to take out the father and the rest of HIS TRIBE?
Well I'm here to tell you I might not know when or where exactly when this hits but I assure you it JUST AIN'T GOING DOWN LIKE THAT. I didn't do this journey for nothing. I didn't get stronger on the inside and out to be taken down. If someone really thinks they have one mother fucking clue who the real QUEEN CUNT is of this land is then you ain't seen nothing yet? My family has been honing my skills for awhile now. They have shown me just what a hard knocks life is really gonna be about for future generations. If I have lived the life I lived so I could suffer at the hands of each brother who ever crossed my path then so be it. Some lessons in life are just so you can see what not to do. If I have had to suffer and feel what my grandmothers have had to feel and endure then so be it. I'm here to say that ain't going down no more. I have learned that if you want some thing done right. Show them the right way the first time so you don't have to worry when you delegate.
All I see out here is a bunch of pussy boys. A couple of weeks ago I was standing outside the Work Source center in Auburn smoking as usual. And as usual someone wants a smoke. This kid comes walking toward me and he goes "hey give me one of those." My answer was, no. No attitude just a simple no. This kid walks past me with his bike cursing me out under his breath and calling me all sorts of names all because someone told him no? I walked over and I said "what's the matter pussy boy, you whiny lil bitch? Your mother raise a boy not even strong enough to take no for an answer? He started ranting calling me names. I said while you got your little bicycle, I got my tobacco.
It doesn't matter how gangsta or bad ass these boys and girls want to be. Their is a really big problem for any kid to treat a woman my age that way. They demand respect and they have no respect for there elders. Just where in the Hell are these Mothers and Fathers to these kids that we have lost the basic instinct of courteous behavior? We don't have to abuse our kids, we just have to be strong enough to make a point and draw that line. These kids push and we push back. As parents we have to be stronger for our children. It still breaks my heart to keep walking away from my daughters when they get disrespectful to me. It breaks my heart that every time I called Greg just to talk about what was going on with our children, no matter how I said something or approached it never one time did Greg answer me or even want to hear me out, but then he would go back to our children from a young age and make our issues theirs. Now they have a lot of fear when I speak to their father. Every time no matter what the point was he took it to them and then they would feel like they were doing something wrong for opening up to me about what is going on in their lives? That is an example of poison that we spread to our children and it shuts down the lines of communication and love.
It limits the Love and support I can give to my daughters at a time I need them not to fear me but hear me. Especially now I need them to have some peace of mind until this is over and I need them to have some support. Not from me but from their Father. Shouldn't any child have that when they see change or something that scares them? Another parent to tell them it will be okay, we will get through this. We will figure it out together as a family. Instead I have never done anything like this in my life and I can't even tell my children the good things like how strong they really are without freaking out and my X saying take a pill and turn it off you are hurting our children. That is what we do in society. Greg made fun of me and stood over me when he saw me taking Paxil at first. He didn't know how hard I cried when I sat in the car after the doctor told me I would have to take this forever? I didn't like pills and to be told just to have energy and function you have to take a pill for the rest of your life and I never needed a pill before to live?
I have learned I might need a pill every now and then for what ails me but truly I know who feeds me and I know who the BIG DADDY is right there on this ground. I have a job to do and well hell I'm going to do it. Yesterday David and Goliath popped into my head. If that is what my family wants me to do then I'll do it because quite frankly I don't work for you. I work for Him and this is my family, not yours. My family was here first and my family is here to stay. I'm here to tell you one other thing this Native Tinker Bell she ain't going down either.
I'm friends with the Monster, Eminem. I have figured out why I wasn't afraid of that dark shadow the first time I saw it? I have figured out just why I didn't do anything with that shadow after I threw all my hate and rage into it? I have figured out just why I left it sitting there because I had a feeling it had something to do with me? I had a feeling that was my black shadow just waiting to be seen and filled so when that day comes I can bring it. I can bring my fire. My sharp tongue. I promise you Kyle raised ten lil beasties on all on his own. I promise you he knows how to get these demons back in line. I only had two, that man had ten? I promise you that man can speak the truth and he will know how to bring it. Me and Him that is all you need to keep this land going. To keep those river flowing. To feed our families from this day forward.
I wasn't happy at first about someone being picked for me and me not given a choice but I realized each day just what they want me too see inside Him? I don't need words anymore. I don't need His numbers. They gave me just what I needed to know when this goes down. They showed me that their really are two soulmates two people from long ago. We have crossed paths several times before. JC keeps coming back through the essence of man. He gets stronger every time he comes back. It was my Father who carried the burden for not only me but Him. You all never thought about the essence of the Mother that keeps coming back? You all never thought that in all these storms and that in the past when God's fist hit this planet that he had his wife? They have weathered a few storms and they will weather this one together one last time.
I wrote my father a poem long ago and I said maybe in the next life I can get to know the man without the bottle. I had no idea that our lives were going to cross over again right here in this timezone.
WOW! The Mother Fucking things I have learned about myself and just who the fuck I really am? I'm pretty burned out. Burned out looking at all these pretty houses with all these ugly people inside. That's why God doesn't sit in any box and neither does his daughter. These people they invite you in with their smiley faces. They offer you cookies and milk. Oh they seem so nice, so sweet with all these good intentions. All these pretty little people sitting in the corner with their thumbs up their ass.
They bury their heads in the sand and while they aren't looking someone sticks it in and plugs you up. Then you turn around and blame everyone else for all your problems? You blame them for how you really feel inside? Then when you finally explode, you point the finger as you spew your poison, your venom, all that hate in your heart you blame. You become weak and selfish, you all think your so entitled, all you pretty little people, sitting in your ugly houses. Yup I see it, that is what I see. I see EGO running this house and that just ain't what it's all about. I don't give a fuck what house you sit in this house of cards comes down. That is just what this MOTHER FUCKING MOTHER SEES.
You blame sin, yet you encourage sin? Let me ask you this where did all you lil children really come from? How did this all get started? Pointing the finger at the women in the bedroom, really? I guarantee anything you do in that bedroom, your mother did it first or you all wouldn't be here right now. I can promise you when all this got started your True Mother wasn't laying on her back. I'm talking about Mother Nature. I mean really what the fuck, where do you think this really started? If your Mother and Father didn't play in all sorts of ways, all you lil Holy Spirits wouldn't be here right now. Just where the Fuck do you think you got those dancing feet? That rhythm you feel inside you, the rhythm of this one nation under one God's tiny feet? That's right their is all kinds of dances to get you moving.
Last night I was dancing under the lights with my black shadow. Trying to get my balance. I actually yelled out, "why can't I try this flat footed first? Just let me get my balance." I mean really what do they expect anyways? I'm a forty eight years old. I grew up climbing tree's and fences, not dancing. A woman pulls up, I remove my ear plug to turn down the music half way. (My IPOD got stuck on "Hanging By A Moment, Creed") I asked her if I could help her? I was informed that I was not allowed to be here and dance in this parking lot of God's house, that I need to go back with all the other black sheep. I replied, "I thought it was just that we can't smoke in the parking lot?" Due to security reasons I can't be here in this place under the lights dancing for my family. Who are these buildings and parking lots really protecting and what are they afraid of anyways? Now ask yourself, "What would Faith do?"
Yeah I know I don't look very Godly. What did I have on last night? I realized what I was wearing the night before last, when I was laying on my mat? My colors? This woman who claims to represent God and His land didn't like what she saw when she took a look at me. I must of looked a fright waving my right hand in the air, twirling all around, with my hips swaying to the rhythm, as I practice my moves upon my tipsy toes. I mean I am all dressed in black, red coat, blue vest. Up on my dancing feet, I wear my universal vans. It might of been my scary hat. I'm really scary when I wear my scary hat. Out of all the hats that have came along this one hat is my very favorite one. It's a black hat with a skull and holes for eyes. Don't forget that flag, I danced with my red white and blue on my ass. I guess I'm gonna have to go back out to the corner. This HOPE church needs all the help it can get.
The other night I was listening to "Love The Way You Lie" by Eminem. Now that lil white boy can hit that rage in his music. Truth in all the lies and emotions. Yeah I like all kinds of music maybe not every song a group plays but for the most part all music hits a note of emotion in me. This one struck a cord a couple evenings ago. I knew just how she felt. That rage and confusion in Him. That is what is happening to our love. It seems to hurt and burn. We learn to like that kind of love. The other side of that pain is the rage. The rage in all that pain as it burns. We learn to tolerate and like the pain. All that confusion in Love? You thought all that confusion we are having is just in the bedroom?
The chord this song struck is that confusion in Love. That Love is not God's Love. It's Satan's idea of what Love is. That is another form of EVOL in the LOVE that I see. You see the thing about demons when they sit inside our minds and in our hearts, is the pain of LOVE and all that confusion of just what True Love really is? You see EVOL isn't just written in the bibles and all those big books. This is the EVOL I see in what was planted in each of us so long ago. Yup, my family dangled me over this fire a long time ago. They baited me when they hooked me up. Everyday I'm out here, I see a lot more than you do. Everyday I'm our here. I get a lil bigger and I get a lil stronger. You think this shit doesn't piss me off? Then you better think again. You think I don't know what's going on in my house? Then you better Mother Fucking think again.
That night I sat down for about five minutes and wheel of fortune was on TV. The word a name of a place. Guess what it was? I promise you I laughed my fucking ass off. It is "This Place Is HEAVEN ON EARTH." The word's after was Wonder Woman and precious metals. Yeah, I like my families sign's. I told you no one changes Destiny's path.
The other song's I found on my IPOD were, "The Reason by Hoobstank and Demons, Imagine Dragons. Yeah music moves me and moves me along on my path. It motivates me it drives me and that beat well it just makes me want to dance my emotions and moods away when I dance for them. The other night when I kept moving along with Pitch Perfect Two, I remember one of the songs got dark. I just shook it off and kept moving. Then the music got real spiritual. I remember this one part of what I was seeing and doing with my hands. It was a part of a song where I saw Kyle kneeling on the ground and I was moving my hands my finger tips straight up and down and I saw a white light in a lit up straight line of white glowing over his bald head, and the words in the song were saying, Father to Son. I knew then I was the Mother connecting Him with His Father through His Mother. It was a real warm feeling for me, happy and peaceful, until someone tapped me on the shoulder to make a comment, well a question really, wanting to know if I knew what I was doing? I said yes, I do, and I don't care what people think when I dance.
After seeing that I didn't care anymore and I understood then that I don't dance for you I dance for Him. I agreed to look crazy and for Him yes I will look crazy. Those baby girls are not going down. Not if I have anything to do with it. After what I learned yesterday, I now know the meaning of "over my dead body." That shit just ain't gonna happen. So when I laid on that mat and I looked down I realized I was wearing torn up white jeans, my red coat with my blue vest, and don't forget the flag on my ass. Yes, I dance for My Nation. I dance for My People. I dance for My Tribe and His Tribe not yours. I assure you when this hit's their will be a dance war for awhile. This is going to be a spiritual dance war.
That was when it hit me that night I cleaned that pipe? Well it's not clean I assure you that. I think they just had me knocking on it's door letting them know, I'm near and I'm coming in to get my souls. On another night I stomped on those grates all night long. I like to think I was stomping on that bitches head. Things are really dawning on me looking back about that apology, standing on that oil can? The one I thought was for Him but it turns out it was for me? I realize looking back the way I took off running like a gun went off behind me. I was literally running a race. It was July 12, 2015. It was the day after we spoke I think? I never did make it back. it was the day I heard "Sorry, their wasn't enough time."Timelines, family lineage, they go way back. So does that essence, so does that dew drop. What can I say MY FAMILY REALLY ROCKS.
What can I say my family got to the point finally of just what this really is all about. "Satan is in the house." Yup this is what they meant when I heard our nine lives are up? Don't you worry, don't you fret because I learned something else about myself the other day? Yeah this is the good part about learning just who you really are before they dropped this time bomb on me. You remember they let me know this very same day just who my daddy represents. MY DADDY REPRESENTS JC, boys and girls. So does my brother. Don't you ever forget it.
Yup! It's that special essence in this honey pots family. I got My Michael right here, I got My Brother Red right here on this ground. I've learned something else about my X? I learned just who's sixes those numbers represent? My X husband, my Father I chose he's got four sixes in that number he was assigned. Now when they said brother does not lie with brother, they never said anything about brother lying with sister? You know about those numbers and just who my other brothers and sisters are it's our birth dates all those 67 and 68's. I was born in 68 and Greg was born in 67. We are from two different schools right here in this Washington. I like that we both graduated in 1968. Don't forget about all those brothers and sisters we touched lives with over the generations?
I want you to remember something else about my X, he only has lived on this West Coast line also. My family doesn't take me down they lift me up. Yup that's right I figured out my four C's a long time ago. That brother carries the special essence also. Now you might be worried about this Lucifer fellow but I assure you I'm not. I mean just who the fucks son do you think he is anyways? That's right Lucifer's Mother is in the house. You think I wouldn't know his work anywhere? I am his Mother after all. Why the Fuck do you think my Demons Mother has such a sharp tongue? This Mothers tongue of Truth. If you think for One Mother Fucking God Damn minute, I'm coming back again for you all to fuck around and bury your heads in the sand, you got another thing coming?
Now I'm sick of this Shit that IC. Michael insisted a couple nights ago that we needed to buy brand spanking new cords to recharge my IPOD. I wanted to go to the pawn shop. I mean why invest fully into something you didn't even pay for in the first place? Total dollar for the cord and wall adapter was $37.50 something like that. I'm listening to the process just to purchase this cord at the Apple store in Kent and I couldn't believe the load of shit they were charging for a whole hell of allot of nothing but air. They offer you nothing in that high price.
Michael insisted and I had to walk out listening to all this bullshit. First they want his name just to make the purchase. Then they want more personal information and Michael ask for what? Apparently now just to buy cords they sell you a warranty in the price. Right off the top they don't even ask of you want to be fed this load of shit. It was for a three year guarantee that the product will do its job. The job it was supposed to do in the first place? Then before they ran his card they wanted to see his ID of proof that he really was saying who he really is purchasing this shit they were feeding him. I mean really? Call me old fashioned but when I was a kid you could buy a cord for a buck fifty and it lasted a real long time. Decade's even.
Now how many people really keep track of all these cords and carry or go back to return it in the first place? Lets not forget how disposable these cords are and all the garbage they put in the land fills? I couldn't walk away from this one and let Michael have his way. I asked him to return it. He did and when he came back out, he told me it would take two days for the money to be returned to his account. Imagine that? They can take your money and your life story to hassle you and try to sell you something all to pay a a high price to belong to their club? When you step out they hold your money? They punish you and cause you more stress because now you have to go back and check it. What if Michael needed that money to purchase a new one? Then we'd have to wait a couple days and they get to choose that path for me? We decided not to do business anymore. Yes Michael only had to pay ten ninety five to get me a new cord. Sometimes you might want to ask, "What Would Your Mother Do?"
Look what it really cost with all this mark up and high price? All this high cost of living at a low price? You do know that the Govt and all these corporations that feed off of us and drain our lives away are basically Multi Level Marketing? They are trying to make us tolerate our environment before Satan steps in so you won't see him coming. Now I'm here to take the pain out of LOVE once and for all. Time to get rid of this purgatory that someone else placed us in. Either in our bodies, our minds or our hearts. I assure you I do this for LOVE and I know who MY DADDY IS.
I admit it was hard bite to take myself at first. To be opened wide at first, but My Family healed me first. This system of books all filled with lies and rules they poisoned me. When they asked me if they could come inside me to save my family I said yes. I had no idea it was about my children. I certainly wasn't happy when it dawned on me when I wrote "someone is trying to take down God" what I didn't write was the last of that verse. Through the children he's going to take out The Mother. Yup! It was then that it dawned on me just what I had been writing all along "Satan is going after me and my children to take out the father and the rest of HIS TRIBE?
Well I'm here to tell you I might not know when or where exactly when this hits but I assure you it JUST AIN'T GOING DOWN LIKE THAT. I didn't do this journey for nothing. I didn't get stronger on the inside and out to be taken down. If someone really thinks they have one mother fucking clue who the real QUEEN CUNT is of this land is then you ain't seen nothing yet? My family has been honing my skills for awhile now. They have shown me just what a hard knocks life is really gonna be about for future generations. If I have lived the life I lived so I could suffer at the hands of each brother who ever crossed my path then so be it. Some lessons in life are just so you can see what not to do. If I have had to suffer and feel what my grandmothers have had to feel and endure then so be it. I'm here to say that ain't going down no more. I have learned that if you want some thing done right. Show them the right way the first time so you don't have to worry when you delegate.
All I see out here is a bunch of pussy boys. A couple of weeks ago I was standing outside the Work Source center in Auburn smoking as usual. And as usual someone wants a smoke. This kid comes walking toward me and he goes "hey give me one of those." My answer was, no. No attitude just a simple no. This kid walks past me with his bike cursing me out under his breath and calling me all sorts of names all because someone told him no? I walked over and I said "what's the matter pussy boy, you whiny lil bitch? Your mother raise a boy not even strong enough to take no for an answer? He started ranting calling me names. I said while you got your little bicycle, I got my tobacco.
It doesn't matter how gangsta or bad ass these boys and girls want to be. Their is a really big problem for any kid to treat a woman my age that way. They demand respect and they have no respect for there elders. Just where in the Hell are these Mothers and Fathers to these kids that we have lost the basic instinct of courteous behavior? We don't have to abuse our kids, we just have to be strong enough to make a point and draw that line. These kids push and we push back. As parents we have to be stronger for our children. It still breaks my heart to keep walking away from my daughters when they get disrespectful to me. It breaks my heart that every time I called Greg just to talk about what was going on with our children, no matter how I said something or approached it never one time did Greg answer me or even want to hear me out, but then he would go back to our children from a young age and make our issues theirs. Now they have a lot of fear when I speak to their father. Every time no matter what the point was he took it to them and then they would feel like they were doing something wrong for opening up to me about what is going on in their lives? That is an example of poison that we spread to our children and it shuts down the lines of communication and love.
It limits the Love and support I can give to my daughters at a time I need them not to fear me but hear me. Especially now I need them to have some peace of mind until this is over and I need them to have some support. Not from me but from their Father. Shouldn't any child have that when they see change or something that scares them? Another parent to tell them it will be okay, we will get through this. We will figure it out together as a family. Instead I have never done anything like this in my life and I can't even tell my children the good things like how strong they really are without freaking out and my X saying take a pill and turn it off you are hurting our children. That is what we do in society. Greg made fun of me and stood over me when he saw me taking Paxil at first. He didn't know how hard I cried when I sat in the car after the doctor told me I would have to take this forever? I didn't like pills and to be told just to have energy and function you have to take a pill for the rest of your life and I never needed a pill before to live?
I have learned I might need a pill every now and then for what ails me but truly I know who feeds me and I know who the BIG DADDY is right there on this ground. I have a job to do and well hell I'm going to do it. Yesterday David and Goliath popped into my head. If that is what my family wants me to do then I'll do it because quite frankly I don't work for you. I work for Him and this is my family, not yours. My family was here first and my family is here to stay. I'm here to tell you one other thing this Native Tinker Bell she ain't going down either.
I'm friends with the Monster, Eminem. I have figured out why I wasn't afraid of that dark shadow the first time I saw it? I have figured out just why I didn't do anything with that shadow after I threw all my hate and rage into it? I have figured out just why I left it sitting there because I had a feeling it had something to do with me? I had a feeling that was my black shadow just waiting to be seen and filled so when that day comes I can bring it. I can bring my fire. My sharp tongue. I promise you Kyle raised ten lil beasties on all on his own. I promise you he knows how to get these demons back in line. I only had two, that man had ten? I promise you that man can speak the truth and he will know how to bring it. Me and Him that is all you need to keep this land going. To keep those river flowing. To feed our families from this day forward.
I wasn't happy at first about someone being picked for me and me not given a choice but I realized each day just what they want me too see inside Him? I don't need words anymore. I don't need His numbers. They gave me just what I needed to know when this goes down. They showed me that their really are two soulmates two people from long ago. We have crossed paths several times before. JC keeps coming back through the essence of man. He gets stronger every time he comes back. It was my Father who carried the burden for not only me but Him. You all never thought about the essence of the Mother that keeps coming back? You all never thought that in all these storms and that in the past when God's fist hit this planet that he had his wife? They have weathered a few storms and they will weather this one together one last time.
I wrote my father a poem long ago and I said maybe in the next life I can get to know the man without the bottle. I had no idea that our lives were going to cross over again right here in this timezone.
Friday, April 29, 2016
This Is The Dawning Of The Age Of Aquarius
04/29/2016 Talk About A Revelation?
Mercy Me! Oh my! What an eye opening last couple of days. You know what brought me to this conclusion to the answer of who this really is about? It finally dawned on me last night when it hit me, "just who the fuck is this all about and just what is my point? What is their point of what they want me to see?" Remember as the days go by and the time just ticks away they show me something. They have me participate in something because they like my true reactions in just what it is I'm finding out. To tell you the Truth I'm not going back now. Nope their ain't no going back on this lil revelation.
In the last couple of days, actually the last couple of weeks things have just seemed to come together. I mean talk about things getting easier when you take the hard road and not the easy way out. I mean even this answer made me say to myself "HOLY SHIT." You know I knew all along that he had something to do with it. I just didn't realize how big this answer would be and it made me think to that night I walked away, when I saw Him alone. The night I couldn't step into the light? Oh yeah I have questioned my own pride in walking away? I mean I let a monetary earthly thing like money stop me from stepping into the light?
I know I keep saying let the money go. I couldn't do it myself. I mean I had the chance. I had Faith in Aerial, that Angel upstairs. The one in that first book I carried. Aerial is the Angel who helps with animals, food and well you might say housing. I knew it had something to do with Theology. Ariel's were popping up allot in the beginning. The red head at Raging River in Fall City. I have never been hungry except with this EBT card and somehow while I have not had my own roof. My own shelter to hide my things and shelter me from the rain. While I have been homeless my family upstairs taught me that I don't need no stinking home anyway. Because to tell you the Truth this rock is my home.
I didn't know what I meant when I wrote, "this diamond that lie upon my hand?" I thought it was about my birthstone. I am a diamond and a Aries after all. I am a Ram. This diamond this planet it is my birthright, not yours. This time my family passes the gauntlet on. You know what I just wrote in my lil notebook that made me clue in to this? The last question I had? This story started out with me seeing twins. I thought it was about those twin towers and well it was. I mean ISIS in Europe and nine silver bullets? Only in my dreams? I wonder since I don't know of any record about Mary Magdalene, the part where she escaped with her unborn daughter? Since I'm seeing so many twins around me and I have discovered that the giants the really tall ones here represent the tall ones up there. I never even knew their were giants up there.
I want to know if Mother Mary had twins? If so was it a girl or boy? Not that it really matters about the sex. I found out just yesterday who my daddy represents. You know that day I saw Him in the park standing next to my Brother. I wasn't sure what to call my Father? My own Father and I never thought to ask? I knew someday they would tell me when I'm ready for the answer. Talk about a moment. I was coming down the hill walking by some church with my head phones on and I was thinking about my Grandmother Catherine being Irish and the Fairy dream I had? It was a happy thought.
Then Boom! The answer hit me. My Father is JC. I started wailing. My Father represents JC and it was all about the burdens he carried and just why he drank? That was a big demon who suppressed Him. It explained so much. I stood with my right hand in the air and my left hand open down to the ground my head tilted up to the sky wailing for like five minutes. Thank God no one could hear me over the traffic. Then I moved on with the rest of my day of things just falling into place.
I realized last night sometime that when I walked away I tested my fate. I didn't know I was going to be into the fate stage of this journey. I had just found Destiny after all. I realized I tested Fate and I admit I wasn't sure that was such a smart idea myself. I mean when I walked away I saw myself hanging from a cross with my wrist tied on with leather straps. My head was bowed on that cross. I knew this wouldn't be easy this next phase, but I realized Fate gave me the answers after all. I was very happy to dance for my family last night for forty five minutes on my tipsy toes.
Yeah that's right. I got moves I didn't know I had. I didn't think I would ever see me doing the moves I was doing all thanks to the good part of technology. This IPOD Michael found in the car. Music to my ears and I didn't pick the music. I don't even know how to download the music on here. It came pre-loaded. I wondered how to play music for a long time with out it stopping. The damn thing always turn on on it's own and I have no idea how it was even selected. I was standing in a Catholic parking lot smoking a song came on and I started moving again. This time the music kept going from song to song and I danced all the way down that side walk on my tipsy toes hopping on the lines on all the square's. Kind of a Michael Jackson, Michelle Pfeiffer in Grease when she was dressed in all black. Then I'm doing some kind of fifties hip hop. I got to the corner and I realized I had a half hour before Judy starts squawking to move the car from the street to the parking lot.
I had no idea where these songs were coming from. I mean I haven't heard music in years. So a lot of these songs were new to me. I haven't been to a concert. Well Kinda. Not one I can dance at. I saw Reba and Brooks and Dunn. That is the only one I've been too. No one was around so I just went with the music and emotions and I let them guide me. I'm still wobbly on my dancing legs, especially on my tipsy toes. At one point I learned in what my hands were doing and what I was seeing in my mind I realized that with the music and the movies that I don't dance for you. I dance for Him. I dance for my family. They speak to me in so many ways throughout the day. After the day I had and the news I had for a moment I had mixed blessings. Not after seeing what I saw in my mind and just the symbolism of what I was doing. By me dancing for Him, and that family upstairs. Oh Hell Yes I will look like a crazy woman dancing on the side walk with music in my ears and Love in my heart. I will die for Him hands down. You don't have to ask me twice. I know who I am today. I'm sorry it took me so long to find the answers. I'm going to step away and smoke and eat. I have my second interview. I will do my best to get back to you today and give you the answer to just what this really is all about. I'm going to dance on somebodies grave after all. I can't wait.
Mercy Me! Oh my! What an eye opening last couple of days. You know what brought me to this conclusion to the answer of who this really is about? It finally dawned on me last night when it hit me, "just who the fuck is this all about and just what is my point? What is their point of what they want me to see?" Remember as the days go by and the time just ticks away they show me something. They have me participate in something because they like my true reactions in just what it is I'm finding out. To tell you the Truth I'm not going back now. Nope their ain't no going back on this lil revelation.
In the last couple of days, actually the last couple of weeks things have just seemed to come together. I mean talk about things getting easier when you take the hard road and not the easy way out. I mean even this answer made me say to myself "HOLY SHIT." You know I knew all along that he had something to do with it. I just didn't realize how big this answer would be and it made me think to that night I walked away, when I saw Him alone. The night I couldn't step into the light? Oh yeah I have questioned my own pride in walking away? I mean I let a monetary earthly thing like money stop me from stepping into the light?
I know I keep saying let the money go. I couldn't do it myself. I mean I had the chance. I had Faith in Aerial, that Angel upstairs. The one in that first book I carried. Aerial is the Angel who helps with animals, food and well you might say housing. I knew it had something to do with Theology. Ariel's were popping up allot in the beginning. The red head at Raging River in Fall City. I have never been hungry except with this EBT card and somehow while I have not had my own roof. My own shelter to hide my things and shelter me from the rain. While I have been homeless my family upstairs taught me that I don't need no stinking home anyway. Because to tell you the Truth this rock is my home.
I didn't know what I meant when I wrote, "this diamond that lie upon my hand?" I thought it was about my birthstone. I am a diamond and a Aries after all. I am a Ram. This diamond this planet it is my birthright, not yours. This time my family passes the gauntlet on. You know what I just wrote in my lil notebook that made me clue in to this? The last question I had? This story started out with me seeing twins. I thought it was about those twin towers and well it was. I mean ISIS in Europe and nine silver bullets? Only in my dreams? I wonder since I don't know of any record about Mary Magdalene, the part where she escaped with her unborn daughter? Since I'm seeing so many twins around me and I have discovered that the giants the really tall ones here represent the tall ones up there. I never even knew their were giants up there.
I want to know if Mother Mary had twins? If so was it a girl or boy? Not that it really matters about the sex. I found out just yesterday who my daddy represents. You know that day I saw Him in the park standing next to my Brother. I wasn't sure what to call my Father? My own Father and I never thought to ask? I knew someday they would tell me when I'm ready for the answer. Talk about a moment. I was coming down the hill walking by some church with my head phones on and I was thinking about my Grandmother Catherine being Irish and the Fairy dream I had? It was a happy thought.
Then Boom! The answer hit me. My Father is JC. I started wailing. My Father represents JC and it was all about the burdens he carried and just why he drank? That was a big demon who suppressed Him. It explained so much. I stood with my right hand in the air and my left hand open down to the ground my head tilted up to the sky wailing for like five minutes. Thank God no one could hear me over the traffic. Then I moved on with the rest of my day of things just falling into place.
I realized last night sometime that when I walked away I tested my fate. I didn't know I was going to be into the fate stage of this journey. I had just found Destiny after all. I realized I tested Fate and I admit I wasn't sure that was such a smart idea myself. I mean when I walked away I saw myself hanging from a cross with my wrist tied on with leather straps. My head was bowed on that cross. I knew this wouldn't be easy this next phase, but I realized Fate gave me the answers after all. I was very happy to dance for my family last night for forty five minutes on my tipsy toes.
Yeah that's right. I got moves I didn't know I had. I didn't think I would ever see me doing the moves I was doing all thanks to the good part of technology. This IPOD Michael found in the car. Music to my ears and I didn't pick the music. I don't even know how to download the music on here. It came pre-loaded. I wondered how to play music for a long time with out it stopping. The damn thing always turn on on it's own and I have no idea how it was even selected. I was standing in a Catholic parking lot smoking a song came on and I started moving again. This time the music kept going from song to song and I danced all the way down that side walk on my tipsy toes hopping on the lines on all the square's. Kind of a Michael Jackson, Michelle Pfeiffer in Grease when she was dressed in all black. Then I'm doing some kind of fifties hip hop. I got to the corner and I realized I had a half hour before Judy starts squawking to move the car from the street to the parking lot.
I had no idea where these songs were coming from. I mean I haven't heard music in years. So a lot of these songs were new to me. I haven't been to a concert. Well Kinda. Not one I can dance at. I saw Reba and Brooks and Dunn. That is the only one I've been too. No one was around so I just went with the music and emotions and I let them guide me. I'm still wobbly on my dancing legs, especially on my tipsy toes. At one point I learned in what my hands were doing and what I was seeing in my mind I realized that with the music and the movies that I don't dance for you. I dance for Him. I dance for my family. They speak to me in so many ways throughout the day. After the day I had and the news I had for a moment I had mixed blessings. Not after seeing what I saw in my mind and just the symbolism of what I was doing. By me dancing for Him, and that family upstairs. Oh Hell Yes I will look like a crazy woman dancing on the side walk with music in my ears and Love in my heart. I will die for Him hands down. You don't have to ask me twice. I know who I am today. I'm sorry it took me so long to find the answers. I'm going to step away and smoke and eat. I have my second interview. I will do my best to get back to you today and give you the answer to just what this really is all about. I'm going to dance on somebodies grave after all. I can't wait.
Wednesday, April 27, 2016
Let Freedom Ring
04/27/2016
Wow! What a night last night. Talk about having a moment? Fucking pharmacy got an ear full from me. I called in my med's in the morning. The doctor refills prescriptions for a year and the pharma company will only allow refills for six months. Again these insurance companies, making people wait in long lines only to get up front finally and the haggling starts. I told the assistant when I called I don't care about that one right away but the rest yes, I'll be there this afternoon. I get there at 7:45, I walk inside and a long line, a woman upfront going through her haggling for her meds. I was fourth in line. I go outside and pull the car around to go through the drive through. The car in front was there about another five minutes. I get to the window and the same lady is still standing at the counter. Gridlock again.
The assistant working the window tells me some tale that I did not like one mother fucking bit. It seems due to the wait hearing back from the doctor it will be another forty five minutes. I was hot. I started in with the truth, I barely get the words out and he grabs the pharmacist. She starts in about the computers and a new system blah blah blah. I lost it. Not the first time. Not at this place anyways. Fucking corporations. I said, "I do not want to hear another word about your computer systems. I do not want to hear about the insurance company's. What I want to know is why when I call in a prescription in the morning, why it's not ready?I told your assistant, I don't need that one anyways but the rest I do. I will be in this afternoon and it is eight 'o clock. I want to know why the rest of them aren't ready in the first place?" I got them in four. Then the assistant at the window was curt and rude because they fucked up. Rite Aid is a joke.
I always wait until after all the ladies are up the three flights of stairs before I head up. I mean why stand in that mess holding three bags minimum? Last night things were slower than usual grid lock half way up. Just in time to watch a pit puppy try and play with a another small dog. The woman who had the dachshund over reacted. The one with the pit puppy lost it. I stepped in and I looked at Caroline our new lazy guest who uses the fact that she has a medical dog as an excuse to literally lie and do nothing because she doesn't feel like it?
I looked at Caroline and I said, "that pit is a puppy who was trying to play. It is not a full grown pit bull by any means for you to behave and over re-act this way." Caroline said, "don't pick on me, leave me alone." I said, "Caroline I'm not picking on you I'm telling you the truth and well truth hurts. You over reacted and wreaked havoc on someone else's life because you can. Now you leave that woman alone."
I met Michael last night to buy me dinner, I've hardly eaten in days. Where I live it's into the La Huerta for fruit. They don't really have a deli for sandwiches. I love this store. I like trying the different food and checking things out. Hot and spicy candy a beautiful display of fruit and meat. This store might be old but it is very clean and the people are really nice. They even keep the restrooms open to the public. I snagged his I pod that he found about a month ago.
Music to my ears I get lost in the rhythm and words on some. I didn't pick the music in the IPOD. I have never used one. If only I had known how awesome these are? For some reason I saw the group Mercy Me. I walked out side up the road from the church to smoke and I started crying and dancing with my hands in the air. It was called Coming Up To Breath. There I stood with my hands in the air just letting the emotions flow while I danced and moved.
Then I get back to the church with my IPOD playing This Life, Move, All of Creation, Only You Remain, Won't You Be MY LOVE. I literally stood at the intersection in the light of the church sign dancing some kind of ballerina, East Indian, Native Kind of Funk dance. I did this for a half hour outside. I mean I was pointing my toes and getting up on my toes swaying my back and hips. All while doing some kind of sign language for them. To tell you the truth. I am not a very graceful kind of person. Not one God Damn bit. But hey when your God's daughter you don't have to be perfect because quite frankly being perfect at everything is not possible.
Then I figured out something else listening to Blake Shelton, Sangria. I cried my eyes out with my hands dancing and swaying in the air, Something about Truth Faith and Destiny. I just let the words pour through me.
Through this journey,
I have found Truth
I have found Faith
I have found Destiny
I have found the One True Mother
I have found the One True Father
I have found my Sisters
I have found my Brothers
All the way up that line
My Brother and Sister Guides
My Brother and Sister Angels
My Brother and Sister Tribe
I have found Brother Red
Well Truth be told He found me
And I didn't even know I was lost,
Now I am found
I found my Soul Sister Kimmie
My Twin Towers
My Mother Zina
My Father Jack
My Brother Todd
My Grandpa John
My Grandpa Neil
My Grandma Lily
My Grandma Bishop
I have found some Great Grand Dads
and Great Grandmothers I never knew I had
My seven Bishops
His seven sister stars
My Four Square
His Four square
My Trinity
My Three are the perfect storm
His Three are the perfect storm
I found in me
My Four Fathers
My Four Horsemen
I don't know where my family is here
on this Mother Earth
I call MY HOME
I now have the answers to just how this goes down
I only need One Heart Beat
To give My Family LIFE Again
Just one last time
One lil spark
I assure you that one spark
As Hope slides into Faith
That ain't no problem for my family
To revive me
To ignite me
To light MY FIRE
One lil prick is all I really need
It's already been written in STONE
It's already been signed with MY BLOOD
I took the family oath in that Lords Prayer
My Mother yields her magic wand
That LIGHTENING ROD OF FIRE
My Father is the LIGHT
My Father yields HIS BIG FIST OF POWER
My Brothers the Four Horsemen
My Four Fathers
My Diamond Four Square
My Two Children and Me The Trinity
My Mother My Sister and me The Trinity
We Three go way back
I HEAR THE LIONS ROAR
I'm One Half of a WHOLE
I'm the One Half of His Spirit
I'm the One Half of His Soul
We Two we go way back
I'm The One Half of His Heart
As I stand here alone
I got MY FAMILY at MY BACK
I got MY FAMILY inside Me
You might not see them
You might not like them
But I do
I LOVE MY FAMILY
I think I'll keep them after all.
I Choose My Family through thick and thin
I choose my blood
I choose their essence
I choose His DNA
I CHOOSE MY FATHER
I CHOOSE MY BROTHER
I CHOOSE MY FAMILIES RING OF FIRE
I CHOOSE HIM
I CHOOSE MY ROCK NOT YOURS
HE"S NOT FOR THE TAKING
I said it then and I say it now
Bring that man home
Bring that man home to me
That man, that man IS MINE
I have learned that demon aren't the only ones who don't like Truth
I have learned that people don't really like her either
Some people just don't like Truth
They say Truth repels
They say Truth Lies
I have Truth inside and behind me
I assure you Truth don't lie
Truth don't carry any weapons
Truth don't carry no lies
I have all I need to feed me each day
I carry it in me
I carry it on my body
and on my back
I represent LOVE
And so does HE
Everlasting unconditional LOVE
Now bring that man home
Bring that man home to me
That man is my warrior
That man is my Rock
Through that Brother
Through that family
I claimed my Rock that first day
I stuck that staff in the ground
That day I stood on the oil can and I heard the word Niece
I claim that fruit tree
All those lil seeds are mine
Just put your Faith in this Lil Mother
She will lead you to that promised land
She will lead you to heaven on earth
She will Honor Him
She will Honor Her
She will Honor All
We are gonna play
We are gonna love
We are gonna dance
We are gonna have a good time
Peace
Joy
Love
Laughter
Let Freedom Ring
Wow! What a night last night. Talk about having a moment? Fucking pharmacy got an ear full from me. I called in my med's in the morning. The doctor refills prescriptions for a year and the pharma company will only allow refills for six months. Again these insurance companies, making people wait in long lines only to get up front finally and the haggling starts. I told the assistant when I called I don't care about that one right away but the rest yes, I'll be there this afternoon. I get there at 7:45, I walk inside and a long line, a woman upfront going through her haggling for her meds. I was fourth in line. I go outside and pull the car around to go through the drive through. The car in front was there about another five minutes. I get to the window and the same lady is still standing at the counter. Gridlock again.
The assistant working the window tells me some tale that I did not like one mother fucking bit. It seems due to the wait hearing back from the doctor it will be another forty five minutes. I was hot. I started in with the truth, I barely get the words out and he grabs the pharmacist. She starts in about the computers and a new system blah blah blah. I lost it. Not the first time. Not at this place anyways. Fucking corporations. I said, "I do not want to hear another word about your computer systems. I do not want to hear about the insurance company's. What I want to know is why when I call in a prescription in the morning, why it's not ready?I told your assistant, I don't need that one anyways but the rest I do. I will be in this afternoon and it is eight 'o clock. I want to know why the rest of them aren't ready in the first place?" I got them in four. Then the assistant at the window was curt and rude because they fucked up. Rite Aid is a joke.
I always wait until after all the ladies are up the three flights of stairs before I head up. I mean why stand in that mess holding three bags minimum? Last night things were slower than usual grid lock half way up. Just in time to watch a pit puppy try and play with a another small dog. The woman who had the dachshund over reacted. The one with the pit puppy lost it. I stepped in and I looked at Caroline our new lazy guest who uses the fact that she has a medical dog as an excuse to literally lie and do nothing because she doesn't feel like it?
I looked at Caroline and I said, "that pit is a puppy who was trying to play. It is not a full grown pit bull by any means for you to behave and over re-act this way." Caroline said, "don't pick on me, leave me alone." I said, "Caroline I'm not picking on you I'm telling you the truth and well truth hurts. You over reacted and wreaked havoc on someone else's life because you can. Now you leave that woman alone."
I met Michael last night to buy me dinner, I've hardly eaten in days. Where I live it's into the La Huerta for fruit. They don't really have a deli for sandwiches. I love this store. I like trying the different food and checking things out. Hot and spicy candy a beautiful display of fruit and meat. This store might be old but it is very clean and the people are really nice. They even keep the restrooms open to the public. I snagged his I pod that he found about a month ago.
Music to my ears I get lost in the rhythm and words on some. I didn't pick the music in the IPOD. I have never used one. If only I had known how awesome these are? For some reason I saw the group Mercy Me. I walked out side up the road from the church to smoke and I started crying and dancing with my hands in the air. It was called Coming Up To Breath. There I stood with my hands in the air just letting the emotions flow while I danced and moved.
Then I get back to the church with my IPOD playing This Life, Move, All of Creation, Only You Remain, Won't You Be MY LOVE. I literally stood at the intersection in the light of the church sign dancing some kind of ballerina, East Indian, Native Kind of Funk dance. I did this for a half hour outside. I mean I was pointing my toes and getting up on my toes swaying my back and hips. All while doing some kind of sign language for them. To tell you the truth. I am not a very graceful kind of person. Not one God Damn bit. But hey when your God's daughter you don't have to be perfect because quite frankly being perfect at everything is not possible.
Then I figured out something else listening to Blake Shelton, Sangria. I cried my eyes out with my hands dancing and swaying in the air, Something about Truth Faith and Destiny. I just let the words pour through me.
Through this journey,
I have found Truth
I have found Faith
I have found Destiny
I have found the One True Mother
I have found the One True Father
I have found my Sisters
I have found my Brothers
All the way up that line
My Brother and Sister Guides
My Brother and Sister Angels
My Brother and Sister Tribe
I have found Brother Red
Well Truth be told He found me
And I didn't even know I was lost,
Now I am found
I found my Soul Sister Kimmie
My Twin Towers
My Mother Zina
My Father Jack
My Brother Todd
My Grandpa John
My Grandpa Neil
My Grandma Lily
My Grandma Bishop
I have found some Great Grand Dads
and Great Grandmothers I never knew I had
My seven Bishops
His seven sister stars
My Four Square
His Four square
My Trinity
My Three are the perfect storm
His Three are the perfect storm
I found in me
My Four Fathers
My Four Horsemen
I don't know where my family is here
on this Mother Earth
I call MY HOME
I now have the answers to just how this goes down
I only need One Heart Beat
To give My Family LIFE Again
Just one last time
One lil spark
I assure you that one spark
As Hope slides into Faith
That ain't no problem for my family
To revive me
To ignite me
To light MY FIRE
One lil prick is all I really need
It's already been written in STONE
It's already been signed with MY BLOOD
I took the family oath in that Lords Prayer
My Mother yields her magic wand
That LIGHTENING ROD OF FIRE
My Father is the LIGHT
My Father yields HIS BIG FIST OF POWER
My Brothers the Four Horsemen
My Four Fathers
My Diamond Four Square
My Two Children and Me The Trinity
My Mother My Sister and me The Trinity
We Three go way back
I HEAR THE LIONS ROAR
I'm One Half of a WHOLE
I'm the One Half of His Spirit
I'm the One Half of His Soul
We Two we go way back
I'm The One Half of His Heart
As I stand here alone
I got MY FAMILY at MY BACK
I got MY FAMILY inside Me
You might not see them
You might not like them
But I do
I LOVE MY FAMILY
I think I'll keep them after all.
I Choose My Family through thick and thin
I choose my blood
I choose their essence
I choose His DNA
I CHOOSE MY FATHER
I CHOOSE MY BROTHER
I CHOOSE MY FAMILIES RING OF FIRE
I CHOOSE HIM
I CHOOSE MY ROCK NOT YOURS
HE"S NOT FOR THE TAKING
I said it then and I say it now
Bring that man home
Bring that man home to me
That man, that man IS MINE
I have learned that demon aren't the only ones who don't like Truth
I have learned that people don't really like her either
Some people just don't like Truth
They say Truth repels
They say Truth Lies
I have Truth inside and behind me
I assure you Truth don't lie
Truth don't carry any weapons
Truth don't carry no lies
I have all I need to feed me each day
I carry it in me
I carry it on my body
and on my back
I represent LOVE
And so does HE
Everlasting unconditional LOVE
Now bring that man home
Bring that man home to me
That man is my warrior
That man is my Rock
Through that Brother
Through that family
I claimed my Rock that first day
I stuck that staff in the ground
That day I stood on the oil can and I heard the word Niece
I claim that fruit tree
All those lil seeds are mine
Just put your Faith in this Lil Mother
She will lead you to that promised land
She will lead you to heaven on earth
She will Honor Him
She will Honor Her
She will Honor All
We are gonna play
We are gonna love
We are gonna dance
We are gonna have a good time
Peace
Joy
Love
Laughter
Let Freedom Ring
Tuesday, April 26, 2016
Demonology 101
04/26/2016
The demons suppress our emotions. The system medical and pharmaceutical oppresses our emotions. Then we do it to ourselves. Emotions especially the painful ones hurt. I do not lie. If I can walk through this emotional and physical pain with a mother fucking back pack on my back everyday then so can you. Through this time they have taught me balance and to work with what I have to work with. OMG! The pain when the scoliosis kicks in and flares up and still carrying that back pack in the sun and rain all to get to the next destination has made me stronger physically mentally and emotionally. As you notice when I go through the emotions I just accept them as they come along. I don't usually have an opportunity to analyze just what I did or felt. Each time after I let the tears flow I just got up and moved on to my next destination and observed and participated in whatever it is they wanted to show me.
You don't know how many times I have said to them, "really you want me to do this? You want me to say that? No way I'm not doing that." Their reply was "when the time comes he will know just what you meant." You don't even know how many times I have said "I don't even know what it means, so how is he going to understand?" You know it's not everyday a woman gets woke up at night by someones wife who has passed on, not just one but the sister in law too. I mean like that isn't just more weird to add to all the other weird stuff.
A couple of nights ago I got so pissed off again. Of all people, a man who has money? Ish! Not like I haven't dealt with enough bullshit games in my life. The power trip and control of a man who has money? Fuck that! They are the most opinionated pussy boys I have ever met. Men who are rich don't take care of things on their own they hire someone to do it. Okay not all. Still haven't they taken me out of my comfort zone enough already? I mean really already when is this enough? Sometimes I don't like my family upstairs. They piss me off. You had better hope to God he finds me when this goes down. I heard from them things are going to get dark real fast.
I never imagined in a million years that I would be alive for the end of times as we see today. Truly never even had a clue what it would be like. Still don't really. They brought me to one more thought well many more but when you think about it, this is spiritual warfare. Going to be allot of dark spirits flying around us wreaking havoc while the ones above fight this right here on this planet. When you think about it we are the sheep in all this. The dark satanist spirits want our souls that is what they have been feeding off from us for so long. This battle has been going on for a long time and we have separated ourselves so much that mankind is blind to it.
These demons are going to lift at once when this hits. During that time those demons and all those fallen angels want our souls. Satan doesn't give a fuck about this planet because he is a spiritual being. It's us he wants. Mother fuck that is why all the darkness so close by right around me all my life. Weird I thought things were really odd back then. I didn't know what but I knew their was nothing I could do about it. Fuck yeah I hid. Sometimes just walking by people the weirdest and strangest things would come out of peoples mouths. Oh and the sexual stuff. As if.
The demons want the planet. It is all these ET's I see all about. I didn't know what else to call that thing I started to figure out was in the ground where I stuck the staff. I always wondered why that spot of all spots? These are the ones working on our DNA. These are the ones who truly want mother earth and have been here for centuries stripping this planet of our resources. This is all the experimentation. The ones who are doing this are not God's spirits. Extra Terrestrial are celestial and spiritual beings like us. Just in their own way and way more advanced. This Galaxy has some good seeds but it has bad seeds to just like us. For some reason I'm thinking Satan made a deal with these ones. They are defiantly working hand in hand. That is the brother does not lie with brother in EVOL and EVIL come from that I see.
I wrote this last night I think on the bus coming back from dropping off a application. I discovered the day before when I got on the wrong bus and headed to South Center Mall that their is a route from there that goes right to the room I'm renting. I figured from there things were looking up for me to get a job in that location. You know a good sign. You have no idea how many restaurants I have tried or did apply to and walked into to get a job serving food. Between the technology and parameters and guidelines you can't even get in front of anyone.
I could in this one. When I walked in last night I was told to come back today at two or Thursday at two if I want to interview with him. He said that a few times Thursdays date and time. I am ready to jump ship and bail. You try being this controlled everyday of your life and discovering just what this is all about? Sometimes I just want a break.
Less than a week or maybe a week ago for some odd reason I started seeing myself walk around outside nude. They kept showing me this for like two or three days. Now I have never had any desire to walk nude in the forest a day in my life. On a beach topless maybe. Well when I was younger actually I would of did that up to a couple months ago, but things happen to a woman's body when you lose fat cells. Mother Fuckers anyways. A woman's breast is her identity and femininity and for them to take them does not make me happy at all. Remember I only had two daughters this is just not right.
Let's get back to that spiritual warfare. Let me explain just how these demons came about. We did it. We metastasized theses demons ourselves. With help from down below. With help from right here centuries ago when religion came in to play. All these laws and rules making it harder and harder to even live. All this pressure. So when we get fed up and start pointing the finger to someone else we leave them with that negative energy. When we make someone feel bad about themselves after awhile they start to feel bad about themselves and then the human spirit slowly starts to erode away. Then more guilt and shame at times just for seeing things that no one ever bothered to look into or explain. So all that compounded on one person then the broken heart goes right along with the broken spirit and that dark energy of the demon bonds itself to you. Slowly at first then more and more as things get harder and more and more people get rejected by their families, the system and even within churches. Rejection and it's all these demons that feed off that energy.
It makes you weak inside your heart as it fills with darkness, sadness and fear. Then that pain release in our bodies because the spirit is weak and the heart work hand in hand it goes in to our bodies and that darkness grows into disease and for some cancer. Wow! I cannot believe to this day I figured that out. So our hearts when our hearts are full of the darkness (the fear, guilt and shame= demon) you can't see the light. It blocks you from seeing or even seeing the light of what they don't want you to see and that is the truth of what is happening all around. Please get strong on the inside the time is near. I'm not exactly sure when. I remember writing somewhere a long time I go. I don't know if it's two minutes, two days, two weeks, or two months? I don't know if I'm behind or ahead of the game?
I know I started out a long time ago talking about poison. I have discovered their is more than one poison. The one we don't see is the poison in the lie and the energy of that lie that we pass around. I wrote in my journal last night, "poison is in the lies we tell each other and ourselves each day. It is those lies that block you from the truth." We create lies in our minds so we don't have to bother with the truth. To much energy to even deal with the truth right? Might have to add something else to your day? Not really by seeing the truth you can let all that other garbage that really holds you back go. From being happy. I mean truly happy. I know letting go is the hardest thing to do. Especially after something has been taken away unexpectedly. That one is the hard one. To have someone there one minute and the next thing you know they are gone. No matter what I always tell my girls I love them. When they were lil I said, "I love you but I'm really not liking your behavior right now."
I wouldn't want to be in the same house with us three. It literally is those two ganging up on me because these two have already decided how this is going to go down. Please, I see them both coming. This time around if I even get to a table with those two. "Mom, don't speak. Mom, don't mention anything about any colors. Then later on they tell me "mom I don't even know what a pink moon is? They won't even let me answer. When this started my friend Cyndi had to kick them out of my hotel room because they would not listen to me when I would say, I understand, believe it or not I heard every word of what you two want. They just don't understand that I cannot give them peace of mind right now. They will understand that someday. My children do not understand me because they are young and they don't have children of their own. They cannot relate.
When I was asked, "can we come in you to save your family?" I had no idea it had anything to do with my children or anyone else's child. It doesn't matter how old they get they are, always our children. I am always no matter how old I get, their mother. This will be a very dark time when this hits. It will be spiritual and physical warfare. No one can walk away from this. Not one human being, no matter where you hide. The weather of mother nature the fist of God is coming on. With whatever is going to hit. We are going to see things going on around us like no one has ever seen before. It's not just the rapture, spiritual and physical and mental warfare. With all the brainwashing that has gone on. We have gotten some very blase' and content people who think because they hold the purse strings that I am going to cave. I told my mother a long time ago, "you can't buy my love." I have learned from this you cannot buy your way out of what is coming up. God don't care how rich you are. You stripped away the trees, the rock, the air, the soil you poisoned with your seed. Your wars?
Monday, April 25, 2016
Gaslighting
04/25/2016
Lets get on with the being accused of being a shopper. It didn't matter what I talked about, somehow the conversation with my mother in law always turned back to money. For example, I wanted to get a nursery set for Alex when she was born. I hadn't even decided new or used yet. My mother in law Elaine say's to me, "You don't need a nice new crib set for your child. That is just a waster of money. You always think you have to have nice things." I don't think that Elaine really ever looked in my house. We moved in and we had a bed and TV. I bought a furniture set on my own at seven months pregnant. I must of hit 10 furniture stores along that highway getting the best quality for my dollar. Anything else in my house I did or made myself. When I shopped I shopped year round for Christmas and got the good deals for the gifts I was looking for for people. Quite frankly I really didn't like shopping. It was the biggest headache to me. I just new where to go to find my sizes in one place.
So for my crib set she said that, "she had Greg's old crib." I pointed out that it's not up to code. Elaine insisted it was just hog wash. I didn't want to hear it anymore. I already had the crib set made and ready to go. I made a set with big primary colored balloons and bears. I painted the walls all primary colors because babies don't really see pastels. What I wanted was a white crib set and I got brown. Within a couple of weeks I had just placed Alex in the crib I lifted the sides and all the slats fell out at nine weeks old.. Luckily a friend of mine just took down her white crib. It was like this with everything this stigma. No one ever noticed that Greg never ran any errands but he had lots of opinions.
When I took my own car to get my brakes checked, I was shown the brake pads and disc and they needed to be replaced. I went ahead and had the job done. When I get home he told me they conned me. My car was a couple years old by then. I bought the car and always maintained it. I had dad's and step brothers and boyfriends, trust me when I say I knew how to maintain a car. Why they took me back to this and many other situations like this is to point out one thing. Greg never went with me to do anything. Greg never saw things for himself but he was pretty quick to accuse me of not knowing what I was talking about. Especially my own car that I bought brand new before he came along.
Here's one for you. In the beginning in California Greg kept going out every weekend and changing the oil in the car. About the third week I looked in the bag and I asked Greg, "where is the oil filter?" He said, "Oh you don't need to change the filter every time." I explained to Greg "that the clean oil washes through a dirty filter therefore making the oil dirty again." Plus it only needs to be done every three thousand something miles. He told me that was hogwash. I didn't say anything and when his guy friends came over I repeated the conversation to them. They informed him I am right. I never mentioned it to him again. I did not need to harp. I thought it was enough for Greg to get the picture. Apparently I was wrong. I did things out in the open and Greg did things behind my back.
I have a arm length of shit like this. I just kept jumping through hoops being Greg's personal secretary. The labels and accusations we place on others to make us feel good about ourselves. By me not saying anything anymore. Not defending myself with all his implications. I realized that I allowed him to place the burden of the blame and accusations upon me. When I walked away anything I tried to say to anyone, I looked crazy if I got upset about anything. Even to people that were my own people. I just felt like if I have to defend myself against something to my own people then they really don't know me very well anyways to think I would ever do anything to jeopardize or let down my children after all that work? After everything I had been through in my childhood I would jeopardize my own family? I think not. I had the label of my mother placed upon my head way back then. In Greg's family emotions are not allowed. Emotions are bad. Greg had a mother who swept everything under the road and just made up stories all the time to make things happy and easier. Greg had a explosive father. To this day I love those people very much. I have never stopped loving them but they stopped loving me. I was the only woman to represent a daughter to them. I was the only one to give them grandchildren. They never asked me what happened. Not one time. We were married over twelve years by the time I filed.
Nope I'm not afraid to die. I realize more and more everyday that we really are just shells of this energy we all carry inside us. God and the Holy Mother or planet earth gave us this life. If you don't believe in God then God Dammit believe in Mother Nature. You see her, you feel her, she is tangible. Where do you think all these colors you see around you come from? Where do you think all this water comes from? The sun, the planet, the stars. The colors in the rainbow. The colors of our skin. Where did all these colors come from? You might not know but I sure in the hell do. You better believe in something. Believe in yourself and that if you have a heartbeat and you are still here you have a purpose. You are linked not only upstairs but right here. From what I here coming from upstairs we were all brothers and sisters at one time. Some of us a little closer and more often than others.
You know what I see when I look at people in their shapes and sizes. I see people look are shaped like bears. I see people who have the heart of a lion. I see courage inside people. I see hope and I see the light hidden under all this darkness of demons setting on peoples heads. I want you to know if I have crossed paths with you here on this planet good or bad I heard you. I heard every word. I heard the pain and I see the numbers. I see the twins. I see the giants. God Dammit my Fire is back.
I have always wondered if I have Eve who is Alex? I mean I knew she represented the bear, the lion, the rock but who is she? A couple of nights ago getting lost on the bus as usual. New area and all. They told me. I knew they would tell me someday. I had just let that question go because I knew someday they would tell me when I was ready. They told me "Alex is Destiny." This time they didn't say it in my head. I said it myself. "I'm destiny's mother and destiny's mother doesn't fuck around." Then I thought,"thanks guys, no pressure their." I'm good with it actually. Can't have Faith without Destiny ya know. I have discovered that we have separated fate from faith. They truly do go hand in hand. I guess my children not only have faith and faith behind them they have grandma faith and grandma fate and well so do I.
I think it's funny the conversation I had with the gas station attendant. The one just happened to be on how Weyerhauser and Hearst pulled together because Hearst was in the paper business and they the powers that be the Govt wanted to put a squash on tobacco and Hearst didn't want to lose the money so these two worked together and created somewhere else for the media to vilify and that just happened to be weed. Weed something our ancestors like the Lakota's and Dakota's use to connect and meditate with. This is how a lie can start very easily and throughout time this has happened over and over again. Seeds getting planted based on fears and lies. I happen to find this out just as Washington is getting rid of the Medical Marijuana and replacing it with the recreational marijuana. The people who used it as a medicine can no longer get the doses and mixtures the chose to use for their medicine. So now again we have another black market coming up. Again we are going to get accused of breaking the law and take the blame because our Govt changed the parameters and rules and we have to live with it. (If it's on the internet it must be true? Not!)
I am so sick of hearing this is just the way it is their is nothing we can do. We just have to deal with it. I'm here to tell you, no you don't. It's like this because the Government and investors got into bed together. Due to cause and effect it is having a negative effect on the energy on this planet. If it affects mankind and creates more stress things go way off balance. Due to Religion and rituals we create added stress by treating your sisters less than for centuries in the work place at home and church. Everyday we continue this action it creates a negative effect. I ask you this, how is any of this behavior related to God? You know God is Love. Love just is. We are making it hard on each other and this system is making it harder and harder on us.
They in both sects create rules that make us feel bad for being human. Like we should be stronger. We should be strong enough to handle this right? It's bullshit and hogwash. When we do this we create the stress and we feel guilt and shame for breaking laws and rules. Not being strong enough. This action is making those demons grow stronger. So does Satan. That is what they don't want you to see. Demons are elusive. Demons are nothing but a bunch of out of control children. These demons they don't like Truth. Don't keep placing the lies and blame on each other for all these demons. Get them from the inside where it hurts.
I threw all I had into that black shadow until I fell to the ground to weak to throw anything else. Then I lifted my head and I looked at it and I said, "that's it, you don't want me to see the truth. Hidden under all this pain so I can't see you." From there I just kept moving forward. Getting stronger and stronger each day. I mean come on when you really think about it, I don't just have one destiny, I have 11 more. I guarantee you each one of my baby girls have twelve more destiny's behind them. They ain't gonna let anything happen to fate. At least that is what Faith tells me. I know I write about them now in the third person but when you write about yourself you start to see different sides of my personality. We all have different sides to our personality. We all have different characters. These aren't split personalities or multiples. This is DNA and Essence all wrapped up in one person. God gave us emotions to feel and to heal. In spite of what any doctor tells you emotions don't hurt permanently. Those pictures and movies when they take you back are just that. Yes you feel the emotions of what you see, and each time they take you back they show you a lil more and then you feel differently about that. Even less tears and maybe more drive or anger or frustration when the truth of what really happened hits you. My family I have learned upstairs, they really like to piss me off. But hey who doesn't have a bad day at work?
It's when you get stuck in a emotion for days and days. Like that heavy weight or funk. I have discovered is more metaphysical than mental. Clear that black slime and all that pain out. If you get stuck like a stutter that won't turn off in your mind. That would be a lil demon trying to suppress your emotions and make you fear them. Tell them to fuck off or "in the name of Jesus Christ I rebuke you." When you think about it demons don't want you happy. They don't want you to function and be happy. I mean why would they? They don't work for my God. It's the heavy suppression of layers and layers of stress of a broken heart that triggers it. Maybe feeling rejected one to many times. Then shake that demon off. I promise you they are fighters and they are going to make everything in your path hard. Harder to do anything you enjoy. They are energy suckers. Don't focus on a situation if your mind goes there just let the emotion play out and let the tears flow. What you wash out will get replaced with light and you will be stronger inside. That way when the day comes for us to represent. That One God through mother nature you will be strong and full on the inside and ain't nobody taking down this families children.
For the last couple of days they have been taking me to the bigger picture. When you really look around us. Weather the Govt or investors or even Mother Nature and God brewing up all this bad weather and storms. It is catastrophe everywhere. These are the smaller storms. Have you noticed at the same time more mental and physical illness? Energy people. Cause and effect. It just goes round and round. As far as all these nations go. Is their any one nation who is doing what they were all supposed to do in the first place is feed their people? Throughout history the USA is slowly and now very quickly gonna crash and fall. Has anyone in Govt really did a good job of this? Especially lately?
You are paying up the ass for all this insurance here which ain't jack shit anymore. We are nickled and dimed on insurance. Now people are stressed out about how we are going to pay off this life we lived after we die? Then the Govt has passed laws that we can pass the debt down to our children. Yea! My children get to carry my debt? I think not. Do you really think God or that family upstairs cares how your gonna pay off that green stuff after you die? Now we have commercials making us feel bad for not being able to pay for the box to bury us in? Insurance to pay for medical, dental, life and disability and all in between. We have insurance to pay for our pets because even that cost has sky rocketed. Hell who can afford to live anymore? Who want to live and have to work two jobs to pay rent in a dive or you all have to pull together and live together now to make it work?
We don't have purgatory in heaven people. We have it here on this planet. It is in our minds and hearts. That is our own purgatory. Rise above it. Don't you let any dark cloud take you down including that cloud we all depend on to keep tabs on our lives. What makes you think any insurance company is going to pay out after His Fist with Her Energy hits this planet? What makes you think these corporations are still gonna be there? I've been feeling a whole lot of wet on this one.
The only time I did not get up during the night and Greg did was when a shelf fell in the laundry room all at once. Boom! I couldn't move. I froze. I kept saying just move and get to your children. I couldn't but you know what Greg didn't move very often but he did that night. I'm hoping when he feels boom inside or out that he makes beat feet and knows just what to do. I keep telling him back up plan Greg. How are we going to reach our children with no power? He keeps blowing me off. Truly it is a good question and a realistic one. I guarantee you roads will be blocked or flooded because people are just gonna disappear. Well their souls are. When this goes down I guarantee you if its another bomb or war that starts this here not only will they hit but for awhile no food or medicine. If war starts this the Govt will really be in charge of everything and quite frankly I love my people, my country, but I don't like what I see all the way around. Please pull your head out of your ass or sand. I do not care what just look up. I fully understand two things that are happening and I know I can't stop it but I can tell you in the mean time how to get stronger and get right. I can tell you where to find your inner peace and power. I see the bigger picture and one of these days very soon we will have to get off that fence and decide who do you represent?
Oppression, suppression and depression. Demons like to suppress our emotions they like us to feel bad. Society such as the insurance companies control our well being and the psychotherapist give us med's to suppress our feelings. Medical doctors treat mental health issues and no longer pain and isn't that why we go to the doctors in the first place? Society and courts tell us anger is wrong as well as in some big books. I haven't found anything yet that encourages you to feel and heal.
Funny thing was a gas station guy or who was it that day that by chance mentioned something about the father of ADHD on his death bed admitted that ADHD was made up? He went into other ailments such as bipolar etc. We fed off of it. Pharmacies created the pills. All supply and demand. Create the disease, treat the disease all for money. Just like dentist in the old days and even today with the fillings. All to make money and keep the clients rolling in the door. You go to a eye care doctor and it turns into a buy and sell gimmick. Same thing at the dentist now.
It's the emotions I see now in so many ways when I look at the bigger picture that a band aid is being put on with all these synthetic drugs. I take them at times myself. I have just been able to heal enough that I hardly use them. I think for the last couple of weeks with everything I have been doing my back and head really aren't a bother. I mean I hardly hurt. Almost ten months ago I could barely move. Now I'm a buck fifteen of muscle a size zero one and I grew a half inch. I feel stronger on the inside and outside. I did something different. I shut up and listened. I followed my heart and I followed direction and guidance. Funny how when in some religions they tell you you can only receive information from God and when it is God and I discover a whole other family I'm the crazy one. You try finding out all at once your Claire everything.
Lets get on with the being accused of being a shopper. It didn't matter what I talked about, somehow the conversation with my mother in law always turned back to money. For example, I wanted to get a nursery set for Alex when she was born. I hadn't even decided new or used yet. My mother in law Elaine say's to me, "You don't need a nice new crib set for your child. That is just a waster of money. You always think you have to have nice things." I don't think that Elaine really ever looked in my house. We moved in and we had a bed and TV. I bought a furniture set on my own at seven months pregnant. I must of hit 10 furniture stores along that highway getting the best quality for my dollar. Anything else in my house I did or made myself. When I shopped I shopped year round for Christmas and got the good deals for the gifts I was looking for for people. Quite frankly I really didn't like shopping. It was the biggest headache to me. I just new where to go to find my sizes in one place.
So for my crib set she said that, "she had Greg's old crib." I pointed out that it's not up to code. Elaine insisted it was just hog wash. I didn't want to hear it anymore. I already had the crib set made and ready to go. I made a set with big primary colored balloons and bears. I painted the walls all primary colors because babies don't really see pastels. What I wanted was a white crib set and I got brown. Within a couple of weeks I had just placed Alex in the crib I lifted the sides and all the slats fell out at nine weeks old.. Luckily a friend of mine just took down her white crib. It was like this with everything this stigma. No one ever noticed that Greg never ran any errands but he had lots of opinions.
When I took my own car to get my brakes checked, I was shown the brake pads and disc and they needed to be replaced. I went ahead and had the job done. When I get home he told me they conned me. My car was a couple years old by then. I bought the car and always maintained it. I had dad's and step brothers and boyfriends, trust me when I say I knew how to maintain a car. Why they took me back to this and many other situations like this is to point out one thing. Greg never went with me to do anything. Greg never saw things for himself but he was pretty quick to accuse me of not knowing what I was talking about. Especially my own car that I bought brand new before he came along.
Here's one for you. In the beginning in California Greg kept going out every weekend and changing the oil in the car. About the third week I looked in the bag and I asked Greg, "where is the oil filter?" He said, "Oh you don't need to change the filter every time." I explained to Greg "that the clean oil washes through a dirty filter therefore making the oil dirty again." Plus it only needs to be done every three thousand something miles. He told me that was hogwash. I didn't say anything and when his guy friends came over I repeated the conversation to them. They informed him I am right. I never mentioned it to him again. I did not need to harp. I thought it was enough for Greg to get the picture. Apparently I was wrong. I did things out in the open and Greg did things behind my back.
I have a arm length of shit like this. I just kept jumping through hoops being Greg's personal secretary. The labels and accusations we place on others to make us feel good about ourselves. By me not saying anything anymore. Not defending myself with all his implications. I realized that I allowed him to place the burden of the blame and accusations upon me. When I walked away anything I tried to say to anyone, I looked crazy if I got upset about anything. Even to people that were my own people. I just felt like if I have to defend myself against something to my own people then they really don't know me very well anyways to think I would ever do anything to jeopardize or let down my children after all that work? After everything I had been through in my childhood I would jeopardize my own family? I think not. I had the label of my mother placed upon my head way back then. In Greg's family emotions are not allowed. Emotions are bad. Greg had a mother who swept everything under the road and just made up stories all the time to make things happy and easier. Greg had a explosive father. To this day I love those people very much. I have never stopped loving them but they stopped loving me. I was the only woman to represent a daughter to them. I was the only one to give them grandchildren. They never asked me what happened. Not one time. We were married over twelve years by the time I filed.
Nope I'm not afraid to die. I realize more and more everyday that we really are just shells of this energy we all carry inside us. God and the Holy Mother or planet earth gave us this life. If you don't believe in God then God Dammit believe in Mother Nature. You see her, you feel her, she is tangible. Where do you think all these colors you see around you come from? Where do you think all this water comes from? The sun, the planet, the stars. The colors in the rainbow. The colors of our skin. Where did all these colors come from? You might not know but I sure in the hell do. You better believe in something. Believe in yourself and that if you have a heartbeat and you are still here you have a purpose. You are linked not only upstairs but right here. From what I here coming from upstairs we were all brothers and sisters at one time. Some of us a little closer and more often than others.
You know what I see when I look at people in their shapes and sizes. I see people look are shaped like bears. I see people who have the heart of a lion. I see courage inside people. I see hope and I see the light hidden under all this darkness of demons setting on peoples heads. I want you to know if I have crossed paths with you here on this planet good or bad I heard you. I heard every word. I heard the pain and I see the numbers. I see the twins. I see the giants. God Dammit my Fire is back.
I have always wondered if I have Eve who is Alex? I mean I knew she represented the bear, the lion, the rock but who is she? A couple of nights ago getting lost on the bus as usual. New area and all. They told me. I knew they would tell me someday. I had just let that question go because I knew someday they would tell me when I was ready. They told me "Alex is Destiny." This time they didn't say it in my head. I said it myself. "I'm destiny's mother and destiny's mother doesn't fuck around." Then I thought,"thanks guys, no pressure their." I'm good with it actually. Can't have Faith without Destiny ya know. I have discovered that we have separated fate from faith. They truly do go hand in hand. I guess my children not only have faith and faith behind them they have grandma faith and grandma fate and well so do I.
I think it's funny the conversation I had with the gas station attendant. The one just happened to be on how Weyerhauser and Hearst pulled together because Hearst was in the paper business and they the powers that be the Govt wanted to put a squash on tobacco and Hearst didn't want to lose the money so these two worked together and created somewhere else for the media to vilify and that just happened to be weed. Weed something our ancestors like the Lakota's and Dakota's use to connect and meditate with. This is how a lie can start very easily and throughout time this has happened over and over again. Seeds getting planted based on fears and lies. I happen to find this out just as Washington is getting rid of the Medical Marijuana and replacing it with the recreational marijuana. The people who used it as a medicine can no longer get the doses and mixtures the chose to use for their medicine. So now again we have another black market coming up. Again we are going to get accused of breaking the law and take the blame because our Govt changed the parameters and rules and we have to live with it. (If it's on the internet it must be true? Not!)
I am so sick of hearing this is just the way it is their is nothing we can do. We just have to deal with it. I'm here to tell you, no you don't. It's like this because the Government and investors got into bed together. Due to cause and effect it is having a negative effect on the energy on this planet. If it affects mankind and creates more stress things go way off balance. Due to Religion and rituals we create added stress by treating your sisters less than for centuries in the work place at home and church. Everyday we continue this action it creates a negative effect. I ask you this, how is any of this behavior related to God? You know God is Love. Love just is. We are making it hard on each other and this system is making it harder and harder on us.
They in both sects create rules that make us feel bad for being human. Like we should be stronger. We should be strong enough to handle this right? It's bullshit and hogwash. When we do this we create the stress and we feel guilt and shame for breaking laws and rules. Not being strong enough. This action is making those demons grow stronger. So does Satan. That is what they don't want you to see. Demons are elusive. Demons are nothing but a bunch of out of control children. These demons they don't like Truth. Don't keep placing the lies and blame on each other for all these demons. Get them from the inside where it hurts.
I threw all I had into that black shadow until I fell to the ground to weak to throw anything else. Then I lifted my head and I looked at it and I said, "that's it, you don't want me to see the truth. Hidden under all this pain so I can't see you." From there I just kept moving forward. Getting stronger and stronger each day. I mean come on when you really think about it, I don't just have one destiny, I have 11 more. I guarantee you each one of my baby girls have twelve more destiny's behind them. They ain't gonna let anything happen to fate. At least that is what Faith tells me. I know I write about them now in the third person but when you write about yourself you start to see different sides of my personality. We all have different sides to our personality. We all have different characters. These aren't split personalities or multiples. This is DNA and Essence all wrapped up in one person. God gave us emotions to feel and to heal. In spite of what any doctor tells you emotions don't hurt permanently. Those pictures and movies when they take you back are just that. Yes you feel the emotions of what you see, and each time they take you back they show you a lil more and then you feel differently about that. Even less tears and maybe more drive or anger or frustration when the truth of what really happened hits you. My family I have learned upstairs, they really like to piss me off. But hey who doesn't have a bad day at work?
It's when you get stuck in a emotion for days and days. Like that heavy weight or funk. I have discovered is more metaphysical than mental. Clear that black slime and all that pain out. If you get stuck like a stutter that won't turn off in your mind. That would be a lil demon trying to suppress your emotions and make you fear them. Tell them to fuck off or "in the name of Jesus Christ I rebuke you." When you think about it demons don't want you happy. They don't want you to function and be happy. I mean why would they? They don't work for my God. It's the heavy suppression of layers and layers of stress of a broken heart that triggers it. Maybe feeling rejected one to many times. Then shake that demon off. I promise you they are fighters and they are going to make everything in your path hard. Harder to do anything you enjoy. They are energy suckers. Don't focus on a situation if your mind goes there just let the emotion play out and let the tears flow. What you wash out will get replaced with light and you will be stronger inside. That way when the day comes for us to represent. That One God through mother nature you will be strong and full on the inside and ain't nobody taking down this families children.
For the last couple of days they have been taking me to the bigger picture. When you really look around us. Weather the Govt or investors or even Mother Nature and God brewing up all this bad weather and storms. It is catastrophe everywhere. These are the smaller storms. Have you noticed at the same time more mental and physical illness? Energy people. Cause and effect. It just goes round and round. As far as all these nations go. Is their any one nation who is doing what they were all supposed to do in the first place is feed their people? Throughout history the USA is slowly and now very quickly gonna crash and fall. Has anyone in Govt really did a good job of this? Especially lately?
You are paying up the ass for all this insurance here which ain't jack shit anymore. We are nickled and dimed on insurance. Now people are stressed out about how we are going to pay off this life we lived after we die? Then the Govt has passed laws that we can pass the debt down to our children. Yea! My children get to carry my debt? I think not. Do you really think God or that family upstairs cares how your gonna pay off that green stuff after you die? Now we have commercials making us feel bad for not being able to pay for the box to bury us in? Insurance to pay for medical, dental, life and disability and all in between. We have insurance to pay for our pets because even that cost has sky rocketed. Hell who can afford to live anymore? Who want to live and have to work two jobs to pay rent in a dive or you all have to pull together and live together now to make it work?
We don't have purgatory in heaven people. We have it here on this planet. It is in our minds and hearts. That is our own purgatory. Rise above it. Don't you let any dark cloud take you down including that cloud we all depend on to keep tabs on our lives. What makes you think any insurance company is going to pay out after His Fist with Her Energy hits this planet? What makes you think these corporations are still gonna be there? I've been feeling a whole lot of wet on this one.
The only time I did not get up during the night and Greg did was when a shelf fell in the laundry room all at once. Boom! I couldn't move. I froze. I kept saying just move and get to your children. I couldn't but you know what Greg didn't move very often but he did that night. I'm hoping when he feels boom inside or out that he makes beat feet and knows just what to do. I keep telling him back up plan Greg. How are we going to reach our children with no power? He keeps blowing me off. Truly it is a good question and a realistic one. I guarantee you roads will be blocked or flooded because people are just gonna disappear. Well their souls are. When this goes down I guarantee you if its another bomb or war that starts this here not only will they hit but for awhile no food or medicine. If war starts this the Govt will really be in charge of everything and quite frankly I love my people, my country, but I don't like what I see all the way around. Please pull your head out of your ass or sand. I do not care what just look up. I fully understand two things that are happening and I know I can't stop it but I can tell you in the mean time how to get stronger and get right. I can tell you where to find your inner peace and power. I see the bigger picture and one of these days very soon we will have to get off that fence and decide who do you represent?
Oppression, suppression and depression. Demons like to suppress our emotions they like us to feel bad. Society such as the insurance companies control our well being and the psychotherapist give us med's to suppress our feelings. Medical doctors treat mental health issues and no longer pain and isn't that why we go to the doctors in the first place? Society and courts tell us anger is wrong as well as in some big books. I haven't found anything yet that encourages you to feel and heal.
Funny thing was a gas station guy or who was it that day that by chance mentioned something about the father of ADHD on his death bed admitted that ADHD was made up? He went into other ailments such as bipolar etc. We fed off of it. Pharmacies created the pills. All supply and demand. Create the disease, treat the disease all for money. Just like dentist in the old days and even today with the fillings. All to make money and keep the clients rolling in the door. You go to a eye care doctor and it turns into a buy and sell gimmick. Same thing at the dentist now.
It's the emotions I see now in so many ways when I look at the bigger picture that a band aid is being put on with all these synthetic drugs. I take them at times myself. I have just been able to heal enough that I hardly use them. I think for the last couple of weeks with everything I have been doing my back and head really aren't a bother. I mean I hardly hurt. Almost ten months ago I could barely move. Now I'm a buck fifteen of muscle a size zero one and I grew a half inch. I feel stronger on the inside and outside. I did something different. I shut up and listened. I followed my heart and I followed direction and guidance. Funny how when in some religions they tell you you can only receive information from God and when it is God and I discover a whole other family I'm the crazy one. You try finding out all at once your Claire everything.
Saturday, April 23, 2016
Three Chords & The Truth
04/23/2016
Learning so much more new stuff. I can't wait to check out some of this stuff. What is that Hearst guys name from the twenty's and just where did greed and propaganda make a change in our history? I do realize that this stuff has been going on for centuries. The thing is sometimes when I get directed to something it tells me a story and teaches me even more. I believe this story is going to be a lesson in our culture with money. Our obsession with it today. Whatever Hearst did back then I assure you that today it is going on even more than ever and this has added to society's decline. Spiritually and physically. I also have realized that we have separated spirituality from our healthcare today. We have done this with everything.
We were supposed to become a culture that shares our resources. Instead we have become a culture who hordes our resources. We have taken the bad things and the bad things each nation and society within these nations and we have become a paranoid society who can do nothing but blame and point fingers at each other. We were supposed to share the good resources and the good food and how they do things with their food for a better quality of life in our spiritual, physical and mental well being through our food and medicine. We have become such a society that due to propaganda and money we have become more separated. That separation has become acceptable because now we have paranoia. This paranoid and fearful behavior is all an illusion that has been created to keep us thinking and living inside the box. Sorry I don't think inside any box because spiritually I was stuck in a box and it affected me physically. I see that now.
I wrote something the other day like "Greg no longer possesses me anymore." When I filed on Greg I was no longer his possession and he didn't like that. So Greg created the illusion that I was a weak minded person. I wasn't weak minded. I just learned that over time asking Greg for any help no matter how little or small he will either pawn me off or someone else off. He no longer had a work horse. Whatever label was planted on me was only because I stopped asking. I would be punished in some way when I asked for help. He would either sabotage the job on purpose or leave me with a huge mess to clean up. For instance the times he was supposed to step in and help and he literally left me every time with a destroyed house to punish me for needing his help.
These of course were at times when I was supposed to be the one at rest when I got home. That never happened. I started to realize that if I had to ask Greg to Love me and help me, then he wouldn't be doing it out of love for his wife and children. If he did it it would be a lie. I got tired of being let down and basically lied to.
I realize that if I had to ask Greg to step in and help or take over and I had to say "I am your wife I need your help." Sitting in marriage counseling when Greg said, "he didn't mind coming home and helping to pick up the house or whatever". Then two sentences later he was angry if he had to come and help. I asked "which is it Greg?" I was usually in the kitchen cooking and doing laundry while the children dug through the kitchen drawers and cupboards. You know pots and pans spoons and towels? I didn't mind that I knew where they were at and they weren't hurting anything. Kiley was happy to sit in a kitchen drawer and play in the towels. It only took a few minutes to clean it up and Greg was upset about this. What about the rest of the house Greg? How did all that get done? Plus all the errands, the yard work the bank accounts, the play groups and volunteer work? Opening three businesses in one years time on short notice? While your checks dropped from over five thousand a month down to fifteen hundred and for four months he lied to me. What about all the parties I threw for him? All those birthday parties gathering and celebrations I went to and even threw for him and his family. I don't want a birthday party not at all. I don't like to be the center of attention but looking back Greg did not throw me or celebrate me in any way in our marriage. Greg sure did reap the benefits of my hard work. Lets not forget the baking I did for other people and the candy that I stayed up to make during the night for the holidays.
Greg's parents accused me of being a shopper and a spender. Really? It might of looked like that but I literally ran all the errands for everything. Including driving with Alex in that gold pick up truck in the summer all the way to Everett to tow a tent trailer back to North Bend so Greg can go camping and play. I already had been camping with Greg and a baby. He disappears and I get stuck trying to cook or pee or anything with a baby camping.
Learning so much more new stuff. I can't wait to check out some of this stuff. What is that Hearst guys name from the twenty's and just where did greed and propaganda make a change in our history? I do realize that this stuff has been going on for centuries. The thing is sometimes when I get directed to something it tells me a story and teaches me even more. I believe this story is going to be a lesson in our culture with money. Our obsession with it today. Whatever Hearst did back then I assure you that today it is going on even more than ever and this has added to society's decline. Spiritually and physically. I also have realized that we have separated spirituality from our healthcare today. We have done this with everything.
We were supposed to become a culture that shares our resources. Instead we have become a culture who hordes our resources. We have taken the bad things and the bad things each nation and society within these nations and we have become a paranoid society who can do nothing but blame and point fingers at each other. We were supposed to share the good resources and the good food and how they do things with their food for a better quality of life in our spiritual, physical and mental well being through our food and medicine. We have become such a society that due to propaganda and money we have become more separated. That separation has become acceptable because now we have paranoia. This paranoid and fearful behavior is all an illusion that has been created to keep us thinking and living inside the box. Sorry I don't think inside any box because spiritually I was stuck in a box and it affected me physically. I see that now.
I wrote something the other day like "Greg no longer possesses me anymore." When I filed on Greg I was no longer his possession and he didn't like that. So Greg created the illusion that I was a weak minded person. I wasn't weak minded. I just learned that over time asking Greg for any help no matter how little or small he will either pawn me off or someone else off. He no longer had a work horse. Whatever label was planted on me was only because I stopped asking. I would be punished in some way when I asked for help. He would either sabotage the job on purpose or leave me with a huge mess to clean up. For instance the times he was supposed to step in and help and he literally left me every time with a destroyed house to punish me for needing his help.
These of course were at times when I was supposed to be the one at rest when I got home. That never happened. I started to realize that if I had to ask Greg to Love me and help me, then he wouldn't be doing it out of love for his wife and children. If he did it it would be a lie. I got tired of being let down and basically lied to.
I realize that if I had to ask Greg to step in and help or take over and I had to say "I am your wife I need your help." Sitting in marriage counseling when Greg said, "he didn't mind coming home and helping to pick up the house or whatever". Then two sentences later he was angry if he had to come and help. I asked "which is it Greg?" I was usually in the kitchen cooking and doing laundry while the children dug through the kitchen drawers and cupboards. You know pots and pans spoons and towels? I didn't mind that I knew where they were at and they weren't hurting anything. Kiley was happy to sit in a kitchen drawer and play in the towels. It only took a few minutes to clean it up and Greg was upset about this. What about the rest of the house Greg? How did all that get done? Plus all the errands, the yard work the bank accounts, the play groups and volunteer work? Opening three businesses in one years time on short notice? While your checks dropped from over five thousand a month down to fifteen hundred and for four months he lied to me. What about all the parties I threw for him? All those birthday parties gathering and celebrations I went to and even threw for him and his family. I don't want a birthday party not at all. I don't like to be the center of attention but looking back Greg did not throw me or celebrate me in any way in our marriage. Greg sure did reap the benefits of my hard work. Lets not forget the baking I did for other people and the candy that I stayed up to make during the night for the holidays.
Greg's parents accused me of being a shopper and a spender. Really? It might of looked like that but I literally ran all the errands for everything. Including driving with Alex in that gold pick up truck in the summer all the way to Everett to tow a tent trailer back to North Bend so Greg can go camping and play. I already had been camping with Greg and a baby. He disappears and I get stuck trying to cook or pee or anything with a baby camping.
Friday, April 22, 2016
All On Me
04/22/2016
I can honestly say I am the most grounded I have ever been in my life. However my daughters don't see it that way. I have figured one thing out and that is "we hurt those that are closest to our hearts because they share our pain." That I have discovered to be so true with the three of us. Now that I get the behavior. It help's to have the answers ahead of time. With Alex the one thing she has an issue with is disrespect. I don't give a fuck what or who I am you never speak to your mother the way she speaks to me. That is something she is going to learn and until she gets this I am going to keep walking away. Truly I don't have to put up with it. I would never let my children speak to their father the way Alex speaks to me. They will learn just what I mean when I say together or apart we are all three working in perfect harmony. Me the red rock (then literally everything else but they don't know that yet) Alex, the planet and Kiley God.
I'm going to look at that room for rent tonight. It's a half hour walk from the bus stop and I don't care. I want out of dodge. I saw Michael yesterday evening and I about snapped. Talk about biting my tongue. If I can wave a magic wand over his head I would. Michael has had a job for three weeks. He missed one day for the VA. The second day at the doctors finally getting treated for his pain after all these years. Then he gets the flu for two days. He goes to work on Wednesday and on Thursday his boss drove him home to Federal Way from Kent/Tukwila area. Michael was dehydrated. I said to him "Michael your forty nine years old. Your a big boy now and you can;t figure this one out?" I see Michael making excuses and taking the easy way out. My rock is sliding and I cannot count on him anymore. Michael's birthday is 8/17/66. V said he has to get this by his fiftyth birthday. I'm thinking it's getting close to letting Michael go. To let Michael know he can do this on his own and that he is strong enough.
I've decided if I'm going to be a writer then it's time to go back to school and learn just that. My mother and Greg both stopped me from going back to school in my past and now that I know what they want from me it's as good as time to do it. I have no idea how much it's going to cost or if I can even sit still in a classroom again, maybe I'll get a tutor.
Avicii, Wake Me Up. Still an awesome song Here are some things that I have written down that have come across my path in the last few days.
God is a rock of my salvation. That rock thing again. I wondered where that rock thing came from that I screamed about.
"It's not your life, it's life. Life is bigger than you. Life isn't something you possess it's something that you take part in and witness." Louis C.K.
Eph 6:9-20
"I am not who I used to be, I'm not what I want to be. I'm becoming who God wants me to be."
F.E.A.R.
Forget Everything And Run or Face Everything AND RISE. Who do you want to be? What do you teach your children? Do we teach them to run? We guide them. We teach them through us. Adversity, where do you stand with that?
Try this one for size. "Show respect even to people who don't deserve it. Not as a reflection of their character but a reflection of yours." People are so rude and entitled it is sickening. It has spread like a disease. This one pisses me off. The only reason I see for someone else to be an asshole of a human being is to make yourself feel better. Really you are the little person when you behave this way.
How about this one, I might of typed it before or maybe it's on my Facebook. This one is meant as a two way street. We have become such a society of hurting each other. Male and female. Sisters and brothers so you all want to play dirty with each others lives here is some more food for thought.
"Any man can fuck you, feed you, and buy you shit. It takes a real man to help you become a better woman, to build with you and work with you, in building a better life." You represent each other together or apart. All times you represent each other to move forward in your lives. In any relationship you should lift each other up and help each other become the full potential of who they really are. So they can spread their wings and fly. To become stronger. The goal here is to do it together in any relationship you have with each other. We are so broken and have a fear of abandonment that we feel threatened by each others growth. You should feel full filled together or apart with one goal in mind. My goal is my family being together and complete. When two parents have this they create strong children on the inside. To tell you the truth with what we have coming up, well it's time to empty that heart out of all the poison and lies you've been told. So you can represent. Who the hell do any of you think I mean when I say represent?
At first I didn't even understand that? I do now. It started out God and Mother Nature. Through the generations they keep coming back through a essence in all of us. We represent that family up there. That is who I am talking about. This family has kicked my ass and whipped me in shape. Some days I feel like a big hunk of dough as they slap me all up and down my body. Nothing like being stabbed in the heart and then have every layer of every emotion poured out of me. Fuck yeah it hurts. Not permanently. It is temporary, feel it, just accept it and let the emotions wash through you. It's not about blame people. It's about our emotions and how empowering it is to feel again. They don't want us to feel. They want us to hurt and to stay zombies so we don't notice what is going on around us. They want us to be unaware of all these lil pesky demons I see in the mental illness and the legal and illegal pharmaceutical and medical system.
They want us to stay hidden and buried so that when we hurt no one will see. These demons are going to lift all at once. One things demon's don't like is to be seen and truth. Demons don't like to be called out on their shit basically. You can all lift those demons off of you. The ones that make you feel shame and guilt in all this religion to keep you afraid. How do any of these religious rules play into God's plan? How is the way we treat each other in all this religion really work? The way I see it it doesn't. You don't need rules or to run yourself ragged to keep up with the Jones'. All you need to do is feel again. When all that pain comes pouring out, you will feel it. You will start to feel the light. you will get stronger in His light. That is my goal. To enlighten you on what truth really is.
I read on my Facebook this EMP Strike. Like I said I'm not sure how the power is going out, but I know it is. Also all these pretty pictures and documents you have saved will be gone. Time to go back to being Amish. No cell phones. What is your back up plan to find your family? How are you going to find your heart? How are you going to find your children? How are you going to feed your children? Especially after this hits? The Government I assure you will make a play for the food and medicine. Whats your back up plan? Who are you going to turn to when the chips fall?
Their is an ending in all these big books coming down on us. Some we created and some we did not. I think it was two nights ago, I was getting ready to walk from the transit center to the church. I look over to where I was heading and right over where I am walking to their is a pink thunderstorm going on. I just walked and smiled and enjoyed the light show. Of course I didn't have a coat or a sweatshirt that day. Universal signs? I like my families signs so much better than yours. I like how they are teaching me things first hand on shit I had not a clue about. I can honestly say I had not one mother fucking clue what all this was about. I'm dreading that conversation I need to have more and more each day. The perks in this family tree are oh so much nicer than any perk I have ever experienced. Let alone think even possible. When you think about it I got to experience not only the pain and emotion of my family tree through the generations, but now that is over I get to see and experience the flip side of that.
I wasn't a bad person before but to tell you the truth I know who I am. I might not understand fully the magnitude of who I am because I'm still learning. I have no idea how big the world really is or where places are even at? Damn that China anyways. I found out toward the end of my ebt class from Rob about the new Star Wars movie. He filled me in on how China wouldn't let the female main character on the poster be shown. I asked Rob one question. What was her characters name? Ray. I laughed my ass off. Not for the people that are going to lose their lives. Don't worry they are going home. Except some are going to the other home.
Quite frankly I'm done with this shit. Money before people. What about the air? All for money please. All those families who had to give up their daughters to work a farm? Are you fucking kidding me? My daughters might not be very big but I guarantee you my children are strong inside and out. They might not understand all I have told them but they will when it hits. I might not have a clue where my sister and my nieces are but we did this for a purpose. I promise you you touch any of my children's heads one mother fucking dot on those 12 fruits of my tree not yours you will feel the deadly repercussions of the seven deadly sins and you can join them in hell when I shut that door. Don't even think of touching my four horseman's families. I am not playing any games here. Quite frankly I don't like games. Not when it comes down to my families lives.
They woke me up for a reason and I understand what my destiny is now. I admit I was fighting it before. I realized one other thing I said to those two red heads when they woke me up that night. "No not now. I need time to find myself. I need time to find out who I am." You see even in these moments they heard every prayer. I didn't even know I was praying. I didn't even know I was fighting with my sisters back then. I didn't even know I was looking for my man. I remember writing I'm looking for warrior number one. Back then I didn't know he was warrior number one right here on this planet. I didn't know what the hell was going on? I didn't know why they kept taking me back to him? I do now. Sometimes when they talk to me when I hit the nail on the head. I will touch the ball at the end of my nose. Now I just give a nod. I think I understand what they meant by they want me to walk into the ring of fire. I admit at first I wanted to run. I mean guide what? They are all grown young women, whats to guide? What book? What new beginning? What new dawn? What the hell is this howl at the moon stuff? Who howls at the moon? Now I discovered the answer to that rodeo ride and to tell you the truth if I could walk away today I would. Not from my family, never that. I made an agreement and I made a lot of agreements down this line. So no matter what I got to see what the day brings. I'll never find out until I get at it.
I read in this Christian Science book a error happens one night. Bring it bitch. I'm ready.
I can honestly say I am the most grounded I have ever been in my life. However my daughters don't see it that way. I have figured one thing out and that is "we hurt those that are closest to our hearts because they share our pain." That I have discovered to be so true with the three of us. Now that I get the behavior. It help's to have the answers ahead of time. With Alex the one thing she has an issue with is disrespect. I don't give a fuck what or who I am you never speak to your mother the way she speaks to me. That is something she is going to learn and until she gets this I am going to keep walking away. Truly I don't have to put up with it. I would never let my children speak to their father the way Alex speaks to me. They will learn just what I mean when I say together or apart we are all three working in perfect harmony. Me the red rock (then literally everything else but they don't know that yet) Alex, the planet and Kiley God.
I'm going to look at that room for rent tonight. It's a half hour walk from the bus stop and I don't care. I want out of dodge. I saw Michael yesterday evening and I about snapped. Talk about biting my tongue. If I can wave a magic wand over his head I would. Michael has had a job for three weeks. He missed one day for the VA. The second day at the doctors finally getting treated for his pain after all these years. Then he gets the flu for two days. He goes to work on Wednesday and on Thursday his boss drove him home to Federal Way from Kent/Tukwila area. Michael was dehydrated. I said to him "Michael your forty nine years old. Your a big boy now and you can;t figure this one out?" I see Michael making excuses and taking the easy way out. My rock is sliding and I cannot count on him anymore. Michael's birthday is 8/17/66. V said he has to get this by his fiftyth birthday. I'm thinking it's getting close to letting Michael go. To let Michael know he can do this on his own and that he is strong enough.
I've decided if I'm going to be a writer then it's time to go back to school and learn just that. My mother and Greg both stopped me from going back to school in my past and now that I know what they want from me it's as good as time to do it. I have no idea how much it's going to cost or if I can even sit still in a classroom again, maybe I'll get a tutor.
Avicii, Wake Me Up. Still an awesome song Here are some things that I have written down that have come across my path in the last few days.
God is a rock of my salvation. That rock thing again. I wondered where that rock thing came from that I screamed about.
"It's not your life, it's life. Life is bigger than you. Life isn't something you possess it's something that you take part in and witness." Louis C.K.
Eph 6:9-20
"I am not who I used to be, I'm not what I want to be. I'm becoming who God wants me to be."
F.E.A.R.
Forget Everything And Run or Face Everything AND RISE. Who do you want to be? What do you teach your children? Do we teach them to run? We guide them. We teach them through us. Adversity, where do you stand with that?
Try this one for size. "Show respect even to people who don't deserve it. Not as a reflection of their character but a reflection of yours." People are so rude and entitled it is sickening. It has spread like a disease. This one pisses me off. The only reason I see for someone else to be an asshole of a human being is to make yourself feel better. Really you are the little person when you behave this way.
How about this one, I might of typed it before or maybe it's on my Facebook. This one is meant as a two way street. We have become such a society of hurting each other. Male and female. Sisters and brothers so you all want to play dirty with each others lives here is some more food for thought.
"Any man can fuck you, feed you, and buy you shit. It takes a real man to help you become a better woman, to build with you and work with you, in building a better life." You represent each other together or apart. All times you represent each other to move forward in your lives. In any relationship you should lift each other up and help each other become the full potential of who they really are. So they can spread their wings and fly. To become stronger. The goal here is to do it together in any relationship you have with each other. We are so broken and have a fear of abandonment that we feel threatened by each others growth. You should feel full filled together or apart with one goal in mind. My goal is my family being together and complete. When two parents have this they create strong children on the inside. To tell you the truth with what we have coming up, well it's time to empty that heart out of all the poison and lies you've been told. So you can represent. Who the hell do any of you think I mean when I say represent?
At first I didn't even understand that? I do now. It started out God and Mother Nature. Through the generations they keep coming back through a essence in all of us. We represent that family up there. That is who I am talking about. This family has kicked my ass and whipped me in shape. Some days I feel like a big hunk of dough as they slap me all up and down my body. Nothing like being stabbed in the heart and then have every layer of every emotion poured out of me. Fuck yeah it hurts. Not permanently. It is temporary, feel it, just accept it and let the emotions wash through you. It's not about blame people. It's about our emotions and how empowering it is to feel again. They don't want us to feel. They want us to hurt and to stay zombies so we don't notice what is going on around us. They want us to be unaware of all these lil pesky demons I see in the mental illness and the legal and illegal pharmaceutical and medical system.
They want us to stay hidden and buried so that when we hurt no one will see. These demons are going to lift all at once. One things demon's don't like is to be seen and truth. Demons don't like to be called out on their shit basically. You can all lift those demons off of you. The ones that make you feel shame and guilt in all this religion to keep you afraid. How do any of these religious rules play into God's plan? How is the way we treat each other in all this religion really work? The way I see it it doesn't. You don't need rules or to run yourself ragged to keep up with the Jones'. All you need to do is feel again. When all that pain comes pouring out, you will feel it. You will start to feel the light. you will get stronger in His light. That is my goal. To enlighten you on what truth really is.
I read on my Facebook this EMP Strike. Like I said I'm not sure how the power is going out, but I know it is. Also all these pretty pictures and documents you have saved will be gone. Time to go back to being Amish. No cell phones. What is your back up plan to find your family? How are you going to find your heart? How are you going to find your children? How are you going to feed your children? Especially after this hits? The Government I assure you will make a play for the food and medicine. Whats your back up plan? Who are you going to turn to when the chips fall?
Their is an ending in all these big books coming down on us. Some we created and some we did not. I think it was two nights ago, I was getting ready to walk from the transit center to the church. I look over to where I was heading and right over where I am walking to their is a pink thunderstorm going on. I just walked and smiled and enjoyed the light show. Of course I didn't have a coat or a sweatshirt that day. Universal signs? I like my families signs so much better than yours. I like how they are teaching me things first hand on shit I had not a clue about. I can honestly say I had not one mother fucking clue what all this was about. I'm dreading that conversation I need to have more and more each day. The perks in this family tree are oh so much nicer than any perk I have ever experienced. Let alone think even possible. When you think about it I got to experience not only the pain and emotion of my family tree through the generations, but now that is over I get to see and experience the flip side of that.
I wasn't a bad person before but to tell you the truth I know who I am. I might not understand fully the magnitude of who I am because I'm still learning. I have no idea how big the world really is or where places are even at? Damn that China anyways. I found out toward the end of my ebt class from Rob about the new Star Wars movie. He filled me in on how China wouldn't let the female main character on the poster be shown. I asked Rob one question. What was her characters name? Ray. I laughed my ass off. Not for the people that are going to lose their lives. Don't worry they are going home. Except some are going to the other home.
Quite frankly I'm done with this shit. Money before people. What about the air? All for money please. All those families who had to give up their daughters to work a farm? Are you fucking kidding me? My daughters might not be very big but I guarantee you my children are strong inside and out. They might not understand all I have told them but they will when it hits. I might not have a clue where my sister and my nieces are but we did this for a purpose. I promise you you touch any of my children's heads one mother fucking dot on those 12 fruits of my tree not yours you will feel the deadly repercussions of the seven deadly sins and you can join them in hell when I shut that door. Don't even think of touching my four horseman's families. I am not playing any games here. Quite frankly I don't like games. Not when it comes down to my families lives.
They woke me up for a reason and I understand what my destiny is now. I admit I was fighting it before. I realized one other thing I said to those two red heads when they woke me up that night. "No not now. I need time to find myself. I need time to find out who I am." You see even in these moments they heard every prayer. I didn't even know I was praying. I didn't even know I was fighting with my sisters back then. I didn't even know I was looking for my man. I remember writing I'm looking for warrior number one. Back then I didn't know he was warrior number one right here on this planet. I didn't know what the hell was going on? I didn't know why they kept taking me back to him? I do now. Sometimes when they talk to me when I hit the nail on the head. I will touch the ball at the end of my nose. Now I just give a nod. I think I understand what they meant by they want me to walk into the ring of fire. I admit at first I wanted to run. I mean guide what? They are all grown young women, whats to guide? What book? What new beginning? What new dawn? What the hell is this howl at the moon stuff? Who howls at the moon? Now I discovered the answer to that rodeo ride and to tell you the truth if I could walk away today I would. Not from my family, never that. I made an agreement and I made a lot of agreements down this line. So no matter what I got to see what the day brings. I'll never find out until I get at it.
I read in this Christian Science book a error happens one night. Bring it bitch. I'm ready.
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