Forget Me Not

Joker/Eagles
It's been a hell of a couple of days. The discoveries I have made emotionally? Having to take four buses to Tacoma to pick up my pain meds when I haven't had any for a few days. Hopelink only covers rides to doctors. No where else. Like to the pharmacist to stand in line haggling for your meds. Only to be sent back to start. You can't see a doctor outside of this insurance and get a ride. It doesn't acknowledge pain, chronic pain or real pain management. It is just a game to run you ragged around that Monopoly game of death not life. More pills, pass the buck, pass the luck. The Crone is out full throttle on the upper right of my heart chakra then the day I had to go back to the doctor to pick up my meds, the lower left slipped out at the base of my heart chakra. It felt like two daggers right between the blades.

I'm Not The Only One/SS
With the inflammation from the surgery, this time it was like don't bump or jar me. The pain would go up my arms and right to the heart chakra. Emotionally I'm hanging by a thread. Ready to snap. I want out of this box. I want away from Michael. Not because he's a bad person. I'm tired of living a lie to keep the peace. I don't want him to touch me. I'm tired of being touched by a man I don't want to touch me. I'm tired of feeding this man love and light every day just to keep him moving. When I started this it was only supposed to be for a short time. Hell I didn't even live with him for over a year. I had my own place until that scam was pulled. Emotionally I'm done filling someone else's needs buying time, for them just to write this book.

You & Me/
Shed some more tears the other day, over those burdens that I carry? I got a flash of me standing in chains with Greg, my mother, Bob and Elaine all bowing with their heads on the ground. Then it started to sink in just what God did my whole God Damned life? He had them place their burdens on me any way they could to help me find the Truth. He literally had me carrying the burdens and blame slowly over time. God can be a sneaky bastard sometimes.

The Reason/Hoobstank
Then I remembered one of my prayers I said when I was younger? It was a prayer about my own family. The Truths and burdens they carry inside them. The prayer went something like this. "Place my families burden's on me. I'm younger and I'm stronger. I will stop this circle of abuse. It will not carry on through me." God has a way to stick me in a situation, to put in my true emotion out there in words, to make me pray from the heart. That is why JC was here for Love, that is why she sent her son in her form, to bleed for our sins.

She Will Be Loved/Maroon 5
Like the Hebrew prayer says, Hebrews 11:1-3. "Now Faith is assurance of things hoped for. Proof of things not seen. By Faith, we understand that the universe has been framed by the word of God, so that what is seen has not been made out of things which are visible." How can we have Faith in our higher power if we can't let go of the control, and let God? Whomever that may be to you. As humans anywhere it is only logical that we are not the highest beings. God, your creation of your own making, pulls that light out of your chest and you die. We have other beings and things that are trying to make us human droids, not human, humane beings.

Perfect/ES We are sinners and imperfect human beings for a reason. These people are not your judges to get through heavens gates. Neither is big brother that is making a living off from the human race in this United States of America. Lady Liberty is based on Freedom. This system is oppression. These are the oppressors with all their blanket laws and blanket blames feeding the institutions not humanity. We sold ourselves out to the wrong profit, not prophet. Not the creation of all those big books of hope. The end of every big book is upon us.

Women, Amen/DB
That United States flag represents freedom. Lady Liberty represents Justice. Today these two don't add up to what are four fathers whom came before said all along. This is death with all these taxes, fines and fee's. It is purgatory and you have buried the human race under with all these lies. Feeding yourselves. The elite and entitled. Not humanity. All any of you had to do, was be a good person. Carry yourself inside and out morally. A moral humane being with virtues and principals not judgment. It's not your place. Nor will it ever be. This mother wants justice. This mother is here to break all these chains that bind.

Whatever It Takes/Imagine Dragon/Evolve 2017
This mother is here to clean house. This mother is here to give humanity a clean slate, right along with their heart back inside them. This mother is here to clean house. Turns out I don't have to be inside to clean house. This is slavery what you did to the human race. Well big brother I got a big brother for you. Jesus Christ the God Son was here for Truth and Love. My brother carried the blame from the day he was born for this rock, and now it turns out my whole God Damned family is back for Justice. Weather you like it or not, this mother is the "Queen Of The Damned." It just depends what side of Love you stand on. I am sick and tired of this God Damned life I lead. Sitting in a box with a man I do not love.

Arms/CP
This big brother is not unconditional love and everlasting life. Evolution and transcendence to your higher power is intentionally being blocked by religion All these institution's and that revolving door of insanity. These treatment centers. Then we got Big Brother whom put a high price on sin. Using these institutions, and the pharmaceutical companies making it legal to shut down the higher beings to hide the Truth. Just because the are in a mental institution it does not make them liars. They look guilty because of our high cost of living and this one lane highway to hell with that H.I.P.P.A. form. The labels and abuse of just this. They have literally stuck their nose up our asses long ago. In all walks of life. Inside our bodies and outside our bodies. We have no civil rights. We have no freedom of speech. We no longer have the right to defend either. Hell you can't even defend yourself against someone with their accusation's without it ending up in court. It is now labeled as an assault a label, a civil case. 

Follow Me/UK
I don't know which way to go today, except forward. I don't want to. Like Kyle, I too am tired of walking through the pain everyday. I too am tired of being alone inside my heart. I want my life back. I want my heart back. Kyle thinks I'm rejecting him and his heart. Not true. I just want this over. Not a minute more apart. It kills me, that I can't speak the Truth? That this is much bigger than just you and I. I want to give him "all of me," like the John Legend song.

Let Me Love You/Mario
That Truth sword really cuts close to the heart. I don't know how much more I can take? I understood when Kyle said he almost thought about not coming back this time. It's not suicide, it's the loneliness. Wondering why am I even here? It kills me I can't say why do you think you look down when you stand alone with your coffee and your smoke? When are you going to wake him up to the Truth God?

Lips Of An Angel/Hinder
You make me sound like a martyr? I'll throw it all on the line for the Lord? My first song in fifth grade, "Keep On Trucking For The Lord." Yeah he has heart. A lover for sure. I just need him to thicken his skin for awhile longer. I'm the other A. I'm Armageddon. That is something I never wanted to be. That is something I never wanted to attain to be. That higher power, Vishnu the dancing God of death so we can all begin anew? The assassin? Oh God! What did you walk me into this time?

Bleeding Love/LL. Great is that your plan for me? I am the sacrifice. I wrote back in 2015 I'm not afraid to bleed for you? The white bull of the Lakota's? Salmon day's October 2015 when I sliced my hand with a razor, put my hand on the rock and at the end of the staff in that pit. I said the Lord's Prayer. Then I said bring it, mommy. Bring it daddy. You do remember this part when I said, "uh grandmother I thought you said not one more drop of blood? Then after I lifted my glove I discovered I had sliced a Z in the palm of my left hand. Not two lines anymore but a third to connect the two. Lightening bolt? The Thunderbird? I want it. Bring on the storm.

Arms Wide Open/Creed
One of my favorite songs that struck a chord inside my heart the first time I heard it. It is the same pose with arms wide open in one of the last photos taken of my brother before he died. It was the same thing Kyle did after we walked away from the red rock to talk. Marry You/Bruno mars. Red Rock and Mars? The war God, Ares is me. The Seraphim Angel The Fiery One is me. My angel has transcended. This rock this diamond belongs to me and mine. Turns out I am the poorest lil' rich girl ever.

Halo/Beyonce
Again after the fact. I get a flash to the Truth at heart. They do this on purpose. On one hand it's good because I don't behave unusual throughout my day. The shock, the tears, the laughter at times of the Truth.They get me alone, or I dance and workout in the morning. Playing charades with God, with my pad and pen. Always with my J hanging out of my mouth. I like being the oracle. For once I wish they would give me some advance notice when it comes down to Kyle. Then I can be better prepared to speak. Not just try and tell him what I do know so if he gets hit with something unusual, he will know the power he carry's inside him when he's out there alone. We are definitely stronger together than we are apart. How do I explain this? Oh what a mess you left me in.

Making Memories Of Us/KU
Then he has a skunk instead of a photo on messenger. Weed smells like skunk to me. I loved flower on Bambi. In my writing I refer to my weed as "eau de flower." On the other hand, my mother said after my brother died, that she got a white streak in her hair overnight. She also said she'd be dead by the age of 50. Look at my age coming up? The end of American Gods? JC and Ostara come together on Easter Sunday. April Fool's day or it could be "come what may?" I am the Joker and the Fool after all. My counterpart's name in these horror shows written today is Kyle. My mother is a seer. Little did we know she cursed me. Her predictions for me? I yelled up at God, please don't give me a white streak in my hair. I know how shallow and petty of me right. To worry about what they are going to do to my body once again? Like none of what they haven't put me and Kyle through has been with a gentle hand. This family does nothing the easy way.

Follow Me/UK
Last night scrolling through the channels? A new show called "Killing Eve." I said inside, "thanks guys." Then Lucifer, season 2 episode 18 that "flaming sword" comes back around. Like "The 12 Monkeys" wasn't enough? The title of the show? "The Last Heart Break." The name of the bar? "Adam's bar." The discovery of the Adam's apple? The discovery of that apple and the heart? Whom really carry's my heart from that garden? My mind keeps going back to that painting in Davinci Demons? With the little blue flowers called "forget me nots." My favorite tiny ground cover flower. Michael called me about three weeks ago a "forget me not," because I forgot my keys. When they said drinking from the cup of memory. I realized that is what they did to me? They not only took me back to my past, but all my children who have come before. All these mothers taking the hits all these centuries. Being a part of this family tree of life has been a royal pain in my ass.
Marry You/Bruno Mars
About two weeks ago I took a photo of a pair of mans shoes at the A line and lying right beside them was a blue rhinestone heart charm. 
What Hurts The Most/NB
My heart God. My heart hurts. I'm tired of knowing the Truth. I'm tired of carrying the burden's alone. I just want my heart back so I can say and mean it once and for all. You complete me. 
Marry Me/TR
I Never Told You/CC
Hallelujah/RW
It's snowing.