Sinderella

Sinderella, that's what I am Sam. I'm angry. I'm hurting. My heart hurts. I had to prepare my body for a colostomy this morning. This just made me realize once again how sick society is with all these allergies and poisons in more than one way. The garbage in our bodies, and our land fills all because of the preservative's fillers, and G.M.O's. humanities septic system, filling our minds with pain, lack of nutrition (affects a human bodies over all health) to the internal organs causes pain. The poison of the fillers in our hearts, minds and bodies, all ending up in our landfills and whose paying a price for that? Humanity that's who. Our jails and mental institutions, our criminal and civil court system all making a living with humanities suffering. Whose paying all the fees on all this markup on services? Your bottom feeders whom are no longer worthy of food unless they go hunt it down. The production of this garbage to get a hint of your mothers essence poisoning humanity. Then we put a high price on mother natures essence. I'm feeling more enraged by this everyday. When our bodies are suffering on the inside and off balance of course we go off balance too. Mentally and physically. This system boxed humanity in with your insurance, your middlemen mafia determining the value of another human being is wrong. Morally wrong on all levels. Your system figured out a way to kill of humanity, Gods Flock by poisoning and using our burnt out internal organs to cover an industry. The middle men whom is on duty 24 hrs a day, that's who.

I ended up on the couch in the early evening. I can only be so busy in this box with this book for so long. I'm not liking the TV shows some day's. The names, the number's, the titles and well the topics. I mean look the Conjuring of Annabelle II. Then I see it in saved movies Sinderella. Yeah I know it starts with a C, but not me. It seems I can't even have a conversation about boy's, sexuality, and marriage with my youngest daughter now. It's not a conversation, she calls it boundaries. Since when does a mother not get to speak to her daughter about this? I have realized for years any topic a mother should have with her daughter, Kiley says boundaries mom. I missed out on everything else because of your justice system and my sociopath X determining if I'm even allowed to have an open conversation with my adult child.

My X's word before was blame every time I tried to even ask a question about his lack of emotion and behavior. Now he uses with my children boundaries whenever I ask a question nor have a view point from this mothers experience to share with my daughter. I have discovered I have some stories, walking out on boy's and young men. I tried sharing with her my virtues and boundaries when I was her age. That even though I wasn't a virgin, I didn't just jump in the sack right off the bat with any guy.

After awhile you discover, "oh yuck, he's disgusting or just we aren't a match enough for a hook-up. Nothing wrong with having a friend, and that is a issue today too. What constitutes as a friend today? Male nor female it don't matter to this mothers heart. I had to ask myself once, what if my daughter dated a black guy? In my family I had to have answers to this. I knew instantly, whom am I to judge that, whom makes my daughter happy. I mean her mother native/Irish, a Heinz fifty seven myself, my babies well this family lineage keeps growing every day through this mother. My answer was it depends on the person and the family.

I can't even label an nationality when I look at another human being. We are all products of our society and when I look at someone I take them at face value. I don't judge a book by the cover, whom wants to lock themselves in with an attitude like that? You cut yourself off from learning something new, good or bad everyday. Of course I notice the differences. The colors of skin, the markings, our tats, our colors, a humans expressions can tell you allot of a persons experience in that moment. I'm so fed up with this race card. It hurts me it creates distension.

Marshawn Lynch, at first I was angry that you wouldn't stand for that flag. Your right on one note brother, it's the oppression. It's the suppression, its the compression and the stress we place on another human being to survive today. None of it adds up at these counters, nor anywhere in this system. It is a tool to shut humanity down. This insurance and banking system is destroying humanity. It is feeding itself. It is using the bottom feeders in this United States. Hell that seven year timeline for anything to fall of your record for a misdemenaor today is a joke. Right along with that Cost of Living 7 year's to climb that ladder in order to afford to survive, its a joke.

The depression from the twenties is this H.C.S. way to pay for itself with the label of depression, while they stress you out. If we are such a stressed out society then why do you allow all this advertising bouncing up on every screen today? Ding! Ding! Ding! Bing! Bing! Bing! Makes any human being go bong! Bong! Bong! They don't like that bong solution either, just the anti-depressants and the barbiturates to shut you down and label you. Then yeah! Another marked-up recession. Humanity falls further and further behind. You keep changing the industry for the last five generations haven't you? Creating more machinery and garbage on my rock is wrong.

Fighting your wars killing humanity and its gardens is wrong. All to feed humanity poison is wrong. This system backed up a bank but not humanities farm lands. So Marshawn Lynch, this mother is going to ask you to stand for that flag again? Take a stand against this O.S.C.D.R. for this mother land. For all of humanities freedom. Lets put freedom back into that flag one last time for humanity, for this rock. Lets get rid of the race card. Lets bring the human race back. Lets bring the human race to the fore front. Lets stand for Freedom, Family, and one God ONE FOR ALL. This God never left he is in your heart. This rock wouldn't have energy if it wasn't for him. He created this rock, this universe to feed mankind, not just a few.

It seems Kiley's church and her God are going to choose a husband for her. That these young women are going to put there faith in God to choose a husband for life. One sex partner. Isn't this how we got into this mess in the first place? This unrealistic expectation we place on God? Yes, God chose my X, and the irony is not going un-noticed to me. Not by a long shot. I am not a mother to encourage her daughter to have sex. It is up to the individual. Mine are like night and day. I see it from both sides.

I said, isn't that what every woman is doing when they get married? I said, "Kiley, I belonged to several churches growing up. I went to per-marital counseling alone, I went to one on one counseling alone to prepare me for any issue that comes up, so that I can have a healthy way of handling any situation. Just because I did not belong to a church it does not mean that I did not have Love and Faith in God to do the same for me." That is why I chose to get married outside. Round-Top Park, Waikiki. A view of five main attractions. Another five, am I cursed? My other daughter took things back that she made for me. To find out my own daughter is part of a cult to create oppression, suppression and more compression on my young women in society. Using Gods name to suffer in marriage is wrong. More potential for S.O.C.D. with no help without heavy guilt and shame for walking away from an abusive situation is wrong. It is this issue I stand against not God. It is the creation of the lie I stand against.

She tried telling me what the bible said. I told her no Kiley it does not. It say's God does not want you to be unhappy. We seem to forget that another verse say's as husband and wife we serve each other. Man and religion created the suppression not God. It also says a woman may divorce and marry again and humanity forgot that too. We are mothers and we have the children, as parents we serve and feed our family as well as each other. It is not a job nor is it a role that keeps you in chains. Human beings change. The timeline we give our children is wrong. It's like you must do this by this age. The system and religion created the oppression together. My list is long on the oppression on women but I'm not going to keep going off on what humans keep doing over and over to our selves and each other. It was a creation by Pope Greg the first to cut Eve out of the Bible, make your mothers as unimportant and less than. My issue to is that we moved this into our politics right from the start. These bastards not only cut out half your heart, they created the guilt and shame in the human heart.

1,2,3,4 Plain White T's
God is a celestial light and an energy. He is our creation he made us all in his likeness and essence. Our Kingdom of heaven is inside you. You carry two parents inside you as well as Freya the fertility Goddess and ISIS. JC's families are a descendant of Egypt after all. Then the brother JC. God and Mother Mary's Son. That Son represents that sun in the sky. That Son/Sun is what these bastards are after. This Rock they want right along with this families Sunshine that feeds this planet love and light. Their have always been two working together hand in hand. They are ready to feed you again. We get our animals, our beasties from the constellations we are born in. We all carry our animals inside us. It's these shiny stars that these bastards are after.

Santeria/Sublime
Then I watched Sinderella, as she goes down the stairs in that dress making an entrance for her so called prince. Fuck that shit. No mother flocking way. No way God. I don't want that. Some man has to come in and save her from her oppressed step mother who made her a servant? I asked Michael to make me a sandwich to take with me to the doctors. I hadn't eaten in a day and a half. We are walking out the door and I asked him where's my sandwich?

I lost it in the taxi.  I lost it in the entry to the hospital. I said, "I cannot believe someone made you responsible to have to feed someone else. Oh yeah Michael that's right, you didn't. I did. I fed you, I fed your children, I cooked, I cleaned, and you at fifty-wonderful can't think or even here me say, I'm hungry. Feed me. You can't do it. Looking back Michael, no man could. I even cooked and cleaned and fed my friends children and not one time, have any of you ever fed me. I am done with you, and you wonder why I want out of this relationship. I am stuck, living with a man I do not love and I am not attracted to, but I have to make the best of it yet again. For me to learn, I did not put myself here, but this system did.

The Joker/SMB
I let that new doctor know, I am fed up with you doctors talking to me like I don't know what I'm talking about. This is my T.O.L. and I'm taking it back. This new doctor shook my hand three times. He knew I knew what I was talking about. I told him these two things are fixable, T.O.L. pain can be alleviated through exercise and adjustments. He is checking me for nerve damage at C4-C5. Finally, two and half years later. He did not blame me for not wanting needles stuck in my spine, until I know whats going on. He thinks he can fix that zap from C4-C5. Then C3 acts up with sinus migraines. It's when I read which disc affects what area of the body, and those disc, paraplegia and loss of use of arms. What makes me angry is that in an accident, you can look that up and see the potential long term damage that can turn into if not treated proper. We believe in keeping up the blood flow everywhere else in the body, except the spine. You allow the insurance to harass injured people to shut down the claims.

I laid in bed last night crying myself to sleep. It made me realize it is the word kindness. My whole life I have been a kind person. People like to take advantage of kind people. Others like to tell you their idea of what they think a kind person is. I am so done with all this bullshit. I hate being stuck and living with a man, that I tolerate. Whatever he was supposed to get he didn't get it.

I told the nurse "that for 8 to 9 months I had to piece meal food with my medication down me." She wondered why not check my stomach? I told her her the doctor didn't take me seriously when I said, how tired I get. I lie down for a nap at noon and I don't wake up until 8p.m. I lie down at 5p.m., I wake up at midnight. It's been like this since last spring to summer. The doctor came back in and said "we need to do schedule you for an upper GI." Is it such a crime to keep my stress inside my stomach? I could think of worse ways for my body to re-act to stress.

The lower GI, two polyps. Then he said you have these red patches, and I think you had a infection in your intestine, you somehow cleared it up. Then after I had to listen to some driver and another passenger get off point and go off on a rant about scheduling, blah! blah! blah! I looked at them and I said "not even the point of what  I was trying to say." I am the fucking customer. I put my head phones in while they were speaking and I turned it up.

It's Not My Time/3 Doors Down
I don't know if this has anything to do with it but my last blood moon 7 days. This had better be the end. Michael looked up at the full moon and said "aren't you about due to start your blood moon?" I said, "how do you know when I get my blood moon? It's always around the full moon." Sure enough this last month seven mother flockin days. I just want this over. I want it all over. I am angry after watching Sinderella. After all this and I need a man? Are you flocking kidding me? Who would ever want this?

The word Queen popped in my head last night. I'm angry about that in more ways than one.

I hold onto the song Kiley and I loved, we'd belt it out together.  Queen/We Are The Champions."