Beast of Burden

Wednesday I walked to the A-Z discussing with God the power in His power. One Atom ,one neuron, how much power is that? I mean he is the creation of this universe, this rock and one tiny particle of God's power is allot of power. That's allot of energy. I'm angry about this.

I caught my body reacting to his touch at my left shoulder. I'm pulling forward away from Him. I know how childish right? To Him and all His power I am a child. I still don't know why you can't just come in me like you all do, and do what you all do? Why all this? Remember I'm the vessel of all this glory? It's not everyday I just take off toward death. I mean I was wondering how all of a sudden "I'll get the demon" off I go no fear, just a bit wigged out at times. I know names, the right words and just what to do. "Me? Are you nuts?" Then I just walk away and forget. On to the next step. No worries. "Who does that God?"

I still feel jipped, I feel Jimmie rigged. The set up and the man here, I'm still pretty angry about this part. Something came up about unconditional love. I turned around and I said "no God, I don't have unconditional love. Remember I still haven't met the "terms of my agreement." No God your love is not unconditional to me and mine. How do I explain your unconditional love, when I don't have unconditional love God?

I mean as a human being in my position of course I'm thankful. I mean whose the higher being? Not me. Yeah you bet I'm thankful, it's just a soar spot with me.

Two bouts of cancer, Seven and three all red heads? No problem? No problem God? I went down my litany of names for His precious son. His Highness. Always the precious son God. Flock his highness and all he entails. What's my nickname going to be for this one? Greg's was Ass Wipe. I can tell already this ones nick name isn't going to be far behind.

Then the song came on singing in my ears, "I'll never be your "Beast of Burden". Bullshit! I call bullshit" This book alone is my beast of burden. I have printed about five hundred pages to start proof reading and get it back in the correct timeline. This is huge. A huge amount of paper and information and I don't want to lose it before I can downsize it. What do I do with all of this? I feel fire, I feel rain God. I see a big storm coming down the pike. This book is a heavy load and well God you and yours as well is a heavy load.

I'm ready to go drop this load of BULLSHIT into somebody else's lap. I don't want it no more, just get this burden off of me. I'm ready to just stick it all in the mail with all my journals and ship them the flock out of here. I want this done God. It has been an emotional couple of days.

I had an EKG done on my tendons and muscles. The doctor told me what I knew all along, that you don't have a neurological problem. You don't have damage to your arm muscles. You don't have Carpal Tunnel Syndrome either. As she told me the good news on my right side, the tears started to flow. Their is still hope, and all these years of doctors being wrong, treating me the wrong way with the wrong drugs, or just turning a blind eye.  My return ride didn't show I walked around bawling my eyes out for the next couple hours. All these years and it was such an easy, and less costly solution on all levels of my life. It is not okay with me. Most chronic pain sufferers should have something like this done so doctors can treat the right issue, the right way instead of playing guessing games on someone else's quality of life."Hey, we all gotta do our part right God?" Mother Flocker's, the whole lot of them.

I have discovered that yes, pain does ascend from my spine but it was the pain that ascends from there, then stops on the outer edges of my lower ribs and back muscles. Do you know what these pain spots and knots have been all these years? Micro-fascia tears in my tissue. My new doctor with the solution isn't available until Mid September and I can't wait. I'll just have to keep moving until then. That seems to be the key here. Keep moving today to keep the pain away tomorrow. It's not an exact science but it's all I got till then.