Growing Pains

Growing Pains
"Up Where We Belong" by JC/JW
I loved this song, once upon a time. It's been an emotional roller coaster ride this week. Literally taking the hits. I might get lucky with all this stoning? Three stoning's down. One part of the journey for me and the commitment I made, was to get hit with fist like rocks, in a gold semi that said "CRST" across the back. Faith. If only I knew then what I know now? To late to go back now.

Instant Crush/NI
In about the last month two more times. Well once again God, just what the flock did you get me into? You tie my hands. I admit my tolerance for this other B.J.'S. I have suffered under, stuffed in my mouth? I'm pissed. Flocking Blanket Justice System. Now I have the answer to why a black thing stood in my room about five years ago? I could see it standing behind me, I didn't need to turn around, I could see it clearly. Then it literally threw a blanket over my head. Alien, still not sure? It's an energy, however not malevolent. My motto, "I ain't dead yet."

Never Thought/DH
No wonder I couldn't speak all these years? I have had the biggest shaft ever stuffed down my throat. No wonder no one could see it? No wonder for whatever reason I have never been allowed to speak. Metaphysical Cock Blocker, choking me. D.P.'d from both ends god?

Bad Day/DP
Then God got me to shed a few tears. "A heart of gold and this country." My hand went to my heart and I got all weepy. Then a couple hours later, standing doing dishes, "Oh no you don't. No way, I see what your trying to do? You pull at my heartstrings, you use the excuse, heart of gold and my country?" Nice try God, you almost had me, but as far as I'm concerned after the last couple of days, a better description would be heart of Jade. Then again who's heart isn't jaded today? All this hell and purgatory and I still can't raise a hand to this bullshit? Flock this family enterprise.

Treat You Better by SM
You know God after standing in the dressing room at Victoria's Secret, my most favorite store of all time.  Growing pains? You have no idea God, I blame you for this. These had better be just fillers that's all I have to say. I'm a 32B. I know that. Even the clerk measured me and agreed. I realized it's been three years in a sports bra. The pain I've had these last couple of weeks, I knew it was time to get some big girl britches. I even tossed my lil' girl peace and love panties out. Time to grow up once again.

Ive Got A Crush On You/ RS/DS
I walk in on a tight budget. One bra and five pairs of matching panties to boot, things were going good, until I opened the door. I looked at this girl half my age at best, re-educating me on things I used to know about myself. Humble pie time. She say's "you know I think you need a fuller cup and at least a C cup." Here I go trying to argue with her and rationalize her poor logic. "No. No. No. Uhhmm! I'll go with a different cut, but not a C." It gets worse. She said, "actually I would say more like a D." I'm shaking my head no. The clerk said "I'll tell you what, I'll bring both." Talk about river of denial." My body is changing shape once again.

Because We Can/BJ
I'm freaking out. I didn't like the cut of any of my panties either and now I have to start all over. Of all times once again, Michael's inner child kicked in on the A-Line. I basically tell him in a nice way, to get lost. I kid you not, ten minutes later he comes back, "I can't find anything." As I'm standing in the dressing room trying to keep it together. I mean telling me my size one frame, and this is now my breast size?

Back At One/BMcK
"No God not this way." I mean I used to fold these contraptions for my mother. Telling me this is equivalent to telling me, "time for those granny panties Colleen." Then the clerk calls a friend, and they both agree, "nope, she needs a DD. My God are you kidding me?" Then I'm thankful once again for how one simple panty line changes the eye line and well the dimension's. It helped to soften the blow. Starting puberty all over at 49. Time for a reality check. Now I love my clothes and all the cover up. Give me back my overalls.

I'll Be Over You/ToTo
I stand in front of the mirror nude. Pasty at best, "a little sun would help God." I can see the cut line down the sides of my abs coming back, but as far as the rest of it, when I look in the mirror, all I see is Eve. "Dammit God, we both know I'm still a B, not a DD, and the Truth of why I now I have to wear an even thicker armor to hold me up? You know God, this started out with me seeing something within the gravity when I looked at all these saggy shoulders. This? Now you put me through growing pains as a 49 year old woman and what I really look like as Eve, not Colleen? Come on God let me shed this skin. I want a new sheath God. I don't like this one. What was that Liber 49? Liberated at 49? I hate you every minute of every day for this."

I'll Be/EMcC
I'll BEE, with my fist up Zeus's Anus if anything goes wrong. With you a close second for all this. You bet I better get a good old buff and fluff when this is done. Don't think I don't see your point and what your locking me into either? I know how Vain am I at a time like this? You know what God, you are either going to make me stand completely nude in front of a strange man, or the entire planet and all it's occupants? Yes God, I'm so Vain, I'll bet you think every song is about you? Who knew? What a Ego right God? So where is my eagle that's what I want to know?"

Firework/KP
I'm the one that committed to this deed somehow, and I want it all back. Like it's not bad enough how much and whose been watching me and chirping in my ear my whole God Damned life now? Then this, all this?

All Or Nothing/O-Town
Oh God! How convenient your tune? Stop playing me the same old song already. Same old speal going round and round. Pony it up God, or get lost. I'm tired God. I'm tired of all this pain and suffering of this tree of life every step of the way. I want out of your school, I'm tired of all this education, going back, and back. I'm tired of everything being so hard living under all this B.J, of a system that made it so humanity can't even speak and have emotions without all the labels. Without all the cells in our bodies, hearts, and minds God, being shut down.

I Believe In You/MB
Once again you A-Hole of an Angel I can't shake off nowadays no matter how hard I try. Which bad habit do I choose to get by today on God? I don't know how much more I can take all this love you bestow upon me.

You're Beautiful/JB
Really God? Now after Monday? Beauty is in the eye of the BEHOLDER? Whose Eye God? Whose the beholder God? Authenticity, beauty in the authenticity of thyself? I know it's that acceptance of thyself and the inner beauty, I've been talking about and now you are putting me to the test. In the worst way ever. Regardless of what people think? I don't jump in bed with every Tom, Dick and Harry. I am still modest I guess. Even for this rock."

Fight Song/RP
I know after all this, this is my issue? A hard thing to admit. I hate ass kissers God. Love everything I do and say. Please God can you just please deliver a space rocket and get me the flock off this rock?

Still The One/Orleans