Where Is The Love by BEP

Watching Daniel last night, I realized something after he left?
"You can't make someone love you when you don't love yourself. Give them something to Love from the start, YOUR TRUTH from the start. Their ain't no better love than that. All of you.

Way Down We Go/Kaleo
Not just broken pieces of your heart. Why let a broken human being determine your value? My fear in telling another from the start? I couldn't explain any of it. When another man knew the truth of any relationship I walked in, I did not see compassion for any of what I went through with them. Trying to hold up the broken pieces of their life they didn't want to deal with. I don't mean compassion of the heart, I'm talking basic living. The day to day stuff just fell away, right along with the responsibility. No credit for my time or heart. I did see compassion only after they had a personal experience with my X. I was so tired of someone holding my past against me. Telling me to go back, truth is there was nothing I could go back to. I couldn't change someone else's behavior toward me. I couldn't change how they liked to strike behind my back, to make them look good. Sabotage. I walked away with less and less. The burden of the blame, all because of the big A.

Wasn't Me/Shaggy
I wasn't allowed to not hurt from the start. Physically/emotionally I mean, because Greg was made responsible for the guidelines for me to see my girls. I even offered to see them in a counselors office, to re-build my relationship with them, that was soon after this went down. I was not allowed back at the table no matter what I did to prove myself to him or anyone else. Also they were stressed too. Highly so. Asking to go to their own counselor on their end and told no. I offered to pay for it at the time. I was told no. I offered pee test in the counselor's office.

Whiskey Lullaby
I wanted to help them with what they were going through with Greg, in a setting with guidance to help them also deal with me and have an open conversation on where I'm at to help us three all along as a family and to help Greg and Anne too. You know keep the peace? Own up to my part with my babies at a time I was sober once again. Well until some pain in one form or another sets in. Just me asking Greg if I could do this caused to much of a problem in there home and I was told no. I remember, I even had all the answers to his questions including the rides.

Take Me To Church/Hozier
Dammit God I had no intention to re-hash that shit. I'm done looking at it. Do not push my buttons today. I said it the other day, just let me hold onto my pink cloud for a day. I'm tired of someone or something bursting my bubble and what I figured out conversing with you, I'm having a hard time inside myself to even want to reach for the stars. It's sinking in deeper and deeper. The C in my name, and why we are still out here is because you are setting me up for more Truth I don't want. Your energy and power I haven't even begun to feel, because I am a vessel. Your energy, all your mighty power? From beginning to end and I am you which is "THE CREATION."

Won't Go Home Without You/M5
In the beginning it was bad enough to realize how watched I was. Truly watched in all my endeavors in this life. Talk about wanting to crawl in a hole. Like on Mad About You When their sex tape got released? Then how far back this Big C really goes? The Big C of Commitment and the other big A of Agreement I made even before JC? I ran across something else God? The first religion before the OT and well they hated the three sides of the Hindu God. Imagine that? I hate you. Do you know how many people want to kill God out of fear? Out of all the brainwashing throughout time, or the lack of understanding and knowledge?The control and manipulation over the human heart and the TRUTH they hid in all the lies pisses me off. RAAAAAGGGGGGEEEEE.

I Write Sins Not Tragedy/Panic! ATD
A Shark is an opportunistic feeder, just like a demon. These demons don't give a flying flock God. Who they take out to get a job done. Being surrounded by all these fallen angels in humanity really puts a craw in my crotch.

Everyday when M gets up he turns on Super Natural. Once again I walk through when Cassius said, "ya know resurrection, it hurts worse every time." I laughed and thought, "you think?" The further and further this rock goes down the toilet, it seems my spine declines, like gravity pulling me down, slowing me down.

That's what I Like/BM
You know God this is just the thing I hate about long distance relationships? You stand before me as a man. I can't touch you, but I feel you and see you through my other senses. Like your standing real close. I can just reach up and pluck a star out of the sky. So close, yet to far away, just like my babies. You are cruel that's what you are. You have all the control.

Waterfalls/TLC Three Wooden Crosses/RT
You lose the intimacy, the bond, the caress, the light kisses, being so far away. You lose the two things that make you whole in that touch. Love of your creator, the good energy, the finishing touches it takes to make life on this rock, The man and the woman together. Make Love, make life, whether a child you can feed healthy love and provide, to just the right touch you need, right when you need it. If that ain't love, I don't know what is. I admit with all this conversing with my higher power, God created another pride issue inside of me. Well the one that won't go away? What do I say to Him?

Small Town Saturday Night/HK
Remember I'm only a human after all. That Pride I hold inside me. I understand, it's about love and family. It's about Faith, It's about Trust in the Big D in the sky, my very own beasty. It's the ego issue you gave me right along with my pride? How am I supposed to say, "no I'm God, your JC?" Why do I bother stressing about this God? It's horrifying, the set up. I do not know if and when I will ever be able to laugh about this part?

Where The Green Grass Grows/TM
It's just not funny from my perspective. Ain't none of this funny, well except the part, where I get to say "out of the two of us, your the girl. Take that pussy boy." He better put out God, I'm not talking about his wallet. It don't cost nothing to love and play. It's humanity who makes you pay. Not God, not His Mother. Not your parents. God's angels are pretty much androgynous like their creator from the start. That white light of energy you carry inside your heart.

I'm Gonna Love You Someday/TT
I mean it makes no sense does it. To limit God's love? Even those that feel you have lived in sin, what makes you think you get to choose the level on Sin when it comes down to Love. No breaking of the spirit either way. Freely given is freely taken. Leave the babies out of it. Leave them out of your sick love and trying to pull them in. It ain't love. This selling off our children is gonna stop too. We no longer make a living out of our babies love and lil' bodies. We guide people and their ain't nothing wrong asking for help early on.

I Want To Talk About Me/TK
You Know God, even after all this I still have nothing tangible standing in front of me. Are you my gift or my curse? Some days God, I have to admit I don't like your presence much either. I mean your killing me.

Ocean Front Property/BS
I don't know if its your angel or your black shadow yet, but some days, some moments in time, I love you and I hate you at the same time. You've given me more heartache, more sociopaths, and more demons. I feel more alien from society than I have ever felt before in my life.

Take Me Down/A
I want to scream at Kyle for this. I want to pound him in the ground for this. Truly, I wasn't the one looking. I wasn't the one looking to be taken back. I wasn't lookin' for no transaction of any kind. One little thing God? One little thing? Still I know inside me in all your power in glory I'm still just a tick in time to you. Your so far advanced in time than me, in energy, in everything. I keep being taken back to standing in front of you all of a sudden each time.

Country Roads/JD
Humanity does not understand the beauty at time's just makes you weep and fall to your knees. In this human body God, I have the least control and humanity doesn't understand that. I belong to you and that is just the way it is. I am who I am. Love me or leave me, if you choose not to just walk away, its okay. You have freedom to choose. I choose to tell you the truth and let you make your own choices, not leave you in the dark. God please, I just want to go home wherever that may be. I just don't care no more.

The Devil went Down To Georgia/CD
Lately I just feel like I want my soul to release from this shell. Like I'm pushing against this shell, this framework, this structure and I want to escape, but I know full well you won't let me out. No matter how much I beg. I still can't believe, well the weakest part of me that is trying to retain all that has befallen upon me in the last two years, wants out, that human spirit wants to run and hide sometimes too.

 Good Hearted Woman/WJWN
 Last night when I was asking you to let me out, I knew one thing for sure, I am shooting right past you out of this Universe and getting as far away as I can. I fully understand why other good energies leave. All this chaos and commotion? If I didn't have to contend with this, I'd leave too. Get me off this ent3rprise, you bet your sweet ass the human side wants off this rock. The other side ain't going nowhere until I get my reward. The reason I'm her in the first place, I heard from the start, "Satan is here for the son. As much as I want to run, I can't let Satan get a hold of that man. Especially when no one knows that it also means that sun in the sky. Yeah, God this hiding this part of the Truth kills me. What did I say no matter how much I scream and yell, don't let me out of this?

Remember When/AJ
I watched A.A. again I think S12/E12 not sure? About the animals in the stars are here to to live. This universe belongs to all forms of life and it feeds all forms of life. Unfortunately by shutting down weed and turning a connection to your higher power into sin and drugs. That gateway drug it is now called Schizophrenia to connect to the family in the stars. You know the house and numbers, the stars and animals in your family is your kingdom too people. They have confused the gardens and food chain by making us attack each other. Make us feel guilty for liking to be in mother nature and connecting to it. So they remove it or control it, right along with our food chain. Even how you enjoy, connect and rejoice. Your dimension and kingdom is inside you. You have dreams don't you?

I Told You So/RT
God just get me and mine through this. Whomever they maybe.

Texas Tornado/TL
I got off the A-line the other day. Returning from The Bush, and lying right outside the doorway, is the Joker Card face up. Yes God, you certainly made me the Joker, you made me look like a fool. I mean who says to a man whom lost his wife right off the bat? Why is your wife waking me up? Who says "OMG! It's that black feather you wear, it's my angel wings. Kyle what does your black feather and my angel wings have to do with this?" I hate you for that. It is just so horribly wrong to make me shoot from the heart with the truth. Especially that God? Like I have an in with his wife?

High Cotton/A
I don't like to hurt people, why would I want to hurt a stranger whom never did me any harm, but piss me off God? I hate you for this part everyday. I cringe at this. Every day I get a visual of this and it horrifies me. All because of those twin towers, those numbers he said, that seven and that three. Two sets of twins in seven, with a trinity back up. All red headed ADHD. The Mother a six foot one Welsh lawyer at that? A farm two bouts of cancer?  I feel like something is coming close and I don't know what it is? I can't speak God. I mean I couldn't figure out what Freya, ISIS and a Lakota all have to do with each other. A Hindu woman whom ascended from 12 and my Cherokee Grandmother from twelve, with a purple book whom happens to of married a Navajo named Bishop and they had seven with a Lily. Then my grandfathers last name means Easter too? All this Easter stuff God? Just get me to that Golden Egg and get this over already.

Sold/JMM

S.O.S

You have all made a living in this system off of my suffering. Not one of you bothered to ask how I got here in the first place? From the very start I was labeled and thrown away. The scourge of society because I wore your scarlet letter A. Right from the start I was put in purgatory hell, told abuse doesn't matter here in this Washington when it comes down to a dissolution of  a marriage. We got this blanket law that makes it legal so we don't have to look back at how you came to be in this place. Here's the catch, we get to label you and determine your self-worth from here on out. We get to determine your value to society. We will now keep track of everything you stick in your mouth from this day forward.

Everyone else in your life that you cross paths with will also determine how you suffer and even whether you are worthy of some pain relief, let alone a diagnosis. We're just keep sending you back around and around through hell, through this health care system now, and this justice system. From here on out we own everything about you. We own your body, we own how you suffer, we own the diagnosis. We own the keys to your kingdom. We own you. You may no longer speak from here on out without ten thousand bucks and proof of life.

I have been told by this system how to think and how to feel. I have been told I am 86'd for bowing my head and saying a silent prayer. Can't do that here or we will make you suffer more, we will shut you down. We own you, we own your children. We own the rights to a character assassination if you speak the Truth about your tree of life. We will chop you off at your knees by going after your bleeding heart. The fruit of my loins. The bread of my life, the air in which I breath, are my rock and my light. They are the two very best part of me and the reason I still stand here today. You are no longer welcome to plant negative labels on my emotions. Not after the neglect you have placed on me and mine.

Now we all know neglect is an invisible crime, no bruises right? No proof of life, no proof of damage. Nor wear and tear. She still looks pretty good. Pain is an elusive bugger, invisible fellow, especially when it has been allowed to move it's way through my tree of life so slowly that no one saw it or would even bother, because you have created a system that I am not allowed to even speak to defend myself. In this poison apple of a Washington State Health plan, it is nothing but more purgatory and dead ends, more fines. Back to the justice system I go and told another ten thousand dollars to remove, or accept the charges and pay the fine.

This is my tree of life and I'm not even allowed to have a consultation with a doctor to speak about my spine and how it came to be this way. In this health care and insurance industry after two and half years no one has even bothered to look at this tree of life to discuss my history all I've been through and how it came to be this way. I can't even discuss all these pills that I never needed in the first place. I can't discuss the allergies and bad effects I have had on them consistently over and over.

Only in this system I am already lying before I open my mouth. All because of that scarlet letter A that has been placed on me by you doctors, your treatment centers which are truly nothing but a bunch of mental institutions rolling through that door, collecting the insurance on all the labels of addiction you placed on humanity. None of it adds up to any kind of help. Dysfunctional people working them and a broken system sending humanity back to hell to collect your fees, to pay for a health care system that adds up to nothing but bullshit. You made an industry out of bullshit. Just a bunch of blanket laws and band aids placing more human beings in purgatory behind that H.P.P.A. form.

You can check in but you may never leave, unless you carry the label, so our insurance can collect the fee, and we have proof of life that you are broken and mentally ill. Here take another pill. We don't like the Truth and what your saying. Here's your band-aid, here's your pill to shut you down because of you delusions, here's your label that your gonna carry for the rest of you life. Right along with that black cloud in the sky, keeping track of all your character defects and how much this cure is gonna cost humanity. In order to be a perfect person on this rock, one character defect and "you will pay all right. We got you hook line and sinker in this system. We got the cure for all that ails, but it's gonna cost you your family, your heart and well that tree of life and all it entails, we own.

This insurance that all you seem to enjoy working into corporate America with, your mafia men in the middle, that created this whole mess in the beginning and you sold me out. You have created a disposable industry on humanity. You value your parking lots, buildings and machines more than you value this rock that God gave us to feed your children everlasting life.

Yet you had to go and poison the food to to keep humanity coming back to your service, while you blatantly make a living off of humanities body parts and all it entails in your hospitals and justice system. You even use the word justice and this is the biggest lie ever. Their ain't no justice in a system that never let me speak in the first place. You were all so busy diagnosing me and not one time did you bother to find out about my UN-diagnosed sociopath X. All to busy pointing the finger in my direction.

Not allowing me to speak, not allowing me to defend myself, is a crime against me. I don't know about you but this mother will not allow you to treat my baby girls tree of life like this.

Theirs no Standard of Service anymore. In any industry. You have eroded away humanities civil rights, all because of a machine an industry in Corporate America today. Liability Insurance in everything. You made humanity liable for an insurance industry, by billing the workers at the front lines, standing at the counters, making them feel guilty and fortunate to even have a job. It's literally written on the wall at a State Transportation Department how much a wreck will cost each employee out of their paycheck. You have brainwashed humanity that they are responsible for the corporation to pay for the insurance, to run their business. That is all ready over priced and inflated. All for this mark-up on everything humanity needs to survive.

Your constituents pay out of each paycheck workman's comp. Your system sold that out too. When their is any kind of accident, I would just bet their is an injury to the human body? Isn't that what it's for, is to back you up when you get hurt on the job? Yet, I have watched Michael and many others have just this happen to them. Instead they get a phone call about every three months and told to report to some Chiropractor further and further away for another check up, another x-ray perhaps. Then after about a year later and four check ups, he's asked if he feels better? Now this insurance likes Chiropractors now however. You released the L&I and the quality of care humanity receives right back to the one who writes their paycheck.

You handed a machine the rights to determine my value, by holding it against my paycheck which is a law and a tax I have to pay and their is no S.O.S. today. You gave this insurance industry my body. You allowed an industry to determine my value. My goods vs. the service I'm worthy to receive, for such a Government so addicted to talking about all the addiction. You pay for all this marketing and hype, yet you won't pay for any alternative health care on a three dimensional human being?

Pain Vs. Energy and how it works in in our bodies?

When we wake up we should be feeling 100%. If we wake up hurting everyday, we feel fatigued. Not up to par, Not 100%.  All my energy and endorphins are going to that pain. Truth is I knew where my pain was all along and no one would listen to me. All these years my energy and my pain have only been allowed to be treated one way, as I'm getting worse being bounced from doctor to doctor.

Each time having to start all over with less and less being handed more and more type of anti-inflammatory with a new label, a new name, a little glitch in the solution to all the pollution you have done to my body is not a cure for this tree of life.

Each time a new insurance, a new direction, a new parameter, a new guideline to determine if I am even worthy not to suffer. Less and less proof of life, as my spine declines. My stories never changed, it's not in my heart, it's not in my mind, it's in my spine. My chart is not a proof of life. It is a liability insurance plan. To determine my value, my self worth, if I'm even allowed to speak without another ten thousand bucks.

Your doctors, your justice system and this liability insurance have made quite a living off this tree of life. All I have heard from all your red tape, all your referrals, and all your doctor's is I'm sorry I wish I could help you not suffer, however I am a specialist, I'm still not that kind of specialist. It says here on the insurance, I can't treat you that way. Your gonna have to go back to start.

Getting piece mealed and more mental health diagnosis because you don't want to look at my tree of life as a whole is not my issue. Sending my diagnosis in the wrong direction, to another doctor once again to pass on the bill and liability all to pay for a liability of a health care system does not sit well with me and mine.  Spreading out my suffering and pain because I don't fit into one of your guideline and parameters is no longer welcome. This system, and all it entails couldn't figure out how to unscrew a light bulb with three very educated hands and perspectives. That's the way I see it.

You with all your education are all to busy standing around, wasting the tax payers time and money, all for you to tax society to have another drawn out meeting is just morally wrong. Just your mark up in all these industries to serve humanity is no excuse. In this health care system and this justice system. Your label's fines and all your institutions are no longer making a living off of this mothers tree of life.

All because you choose to turn a blind eye to me and mine. This mothers tree of life. All those cries of help even those you chose to mislabel and misdiagnose, because I'm no longer worthy to eat from this bread of life, let alone not suffer. All because you made more money in this industry diagnosing my heart and my mind and not my spine, is no excuse for the other big eye in this system.

That other big I of Ignorance is no longer a good excuse for me. I know one thing, you lawyers, your blanket insurance, your blanket justice system, your corporate America all working hand in hand to fund a banking system, a machine might of buried me under, but I'm here to tell you this is my spine. This is my tree of life. Yes, this tree of life, this kinky snake you gave me to sit in hell with belongs to me and mine. Not you and yours.

The way I see it for all this advanced technology, that you count on to guide you along, this system of numbers you use to feed your tree of life, that fake money tree is nothing but Poison Ivy to me and mine. After just the last two and half years and all this injustice I have walked through, "I want this bullshit system, that is destroying humanity off of my rock.

You poisoned mother natures essence a long time ago. You allowed Corporate America to control all of the food and water, you allowed the ones working behind this iron curtain to kill off this rock and all these gardens to fight all your wars, across each nation, you allowed this system to control the seven sea's and this universe, and humanity. God's Flock. You allowed it to come in and steal mother natures resources across each nation, all to put the weapon in each others hands, so we can keep blaming each other and doing exactly what this entity wants you to do for them, kill off mother nature, so she can't feed her children. God's Flock. Not my problem you allowed a system to feed you love and not God.

I know when all is said and done you ain't gonna do nothing to me that I haven't already been through for this rock before. Anything you can dole out in all your judgment of me, your jails, your cells, your purgatory, you placed me on me and mine, I promise you this I'm rubber your glue, anything you say or do unto me, I give it all back to you.

Now I'm back in town to shut that mother flocking door one last time. You gotta a problem with that then you can go to hell this time. All nine layers to infinity and beyond for all I care. This is not my problem you chose to take stock in a machine and not humanity. I mean what the flock do you think God hears? All he here's is "I'm hungry." What did you feed humanity in all your service work? You poison humanity, you think you have the right to tell me how I feed myself? You leave me to hurt to suffer, you leave me out here blowing in the wind taking the hits, and you couldn't be bothered to diagnoses Scoliosis, that turned over the years into Kyphosis. Two and a half years later, no diagnosis, no relief, and it is no excuse.

I have been there and done that so many times in your health care system. All I get is sunk lower and lower with less and less every step of the way. Told to jump through more hoops, do more tricks, while you make it harder and harder to even get to the next step, with all your fines and fees following me around.

You wouldn't let me speak from day one or could even be bothered to take a look at this tree of life, because now we have a new specialist whom only has to read an x-ray up to a certain point of spacing, is not a diagnosis for this tree of life. It's not just the spacing that is the issue, it's all that shaping and shifting going on over the years. I mean how many years, how many doctors, how many specialist do you think I went to? In twenty years not one could be bothered to do an x-ray, now it's no longer even legal to come back on all you doctors and pain clinics because you created a system to protect itself. You made it harder and harder to get any justice with any corporation, or any white collar crime sitting waiting in line at all these civil court offices. You hardly if ever re-coop any money for all your time and suffering, because you tie that up to. There's no Truth, and their is no honor in your justice system.

The root of the problem is not was not nor has it ever been my mind. It's been my heart only, in all the rejection I have received when I have asked one of you to service me. I sat in all these treatment centers, all these institutions and all these jails to pay for a crime committed against me in the first place, for doing the right thing. I had my proof of life then, I have it now and once again I'm going to get a I'm sorry letter. I'm sorry you fell between the cracks. I'm sorry isn't going to cut it anymore. We both know it's to late to fix anything.

For the longest time I carried the load. I carried the baggage. I did every one's dirty laundry, and I scrubbed their houses clean, I fed everyone else's children, just to keep a roof over my head. I accepted my fines and purgatory all these years, to cover someone else's crime whom poisoned humanity against this mothers heart, and you allowed him to walk away Scott free and lock my babies behind closed doors all to cover a lie, a mental illness that I couldn't figure out or get around? I have learned in the last two and half years just how a sociopath personality gets you to do the crime is to put the weapon in someone else's hands. Your own.

Now God gave me that S curve, over the years, you passed laws every time to prevent me from getting any help, only more pat prescriptions to shut me down neurologically and emotionally. I want to know since I am already taking all this, why am I still showing up in these hospitals and doctors with huge knots still going across my shoulders and down my spine. No diagnosis, yet I'm nit picked, every time, why do you hurt here? Why do you have knots here? Isn't that what I am there for?

I had four neurologist look at me and diagnose me about twenty years, and they said it is muscular skeletal that's all we know and you in this healthcare system chose to ignore that. Always had something new to try, you wonder why it didn't work? You are only treating part of a problem. Yet back to treatment, more purgatory, hell and more boxes I go. I'm hear to tell you this mothers tree of life, this mothers heart, and this mothers mind ain't going to be put in more boxes to satisfy you. You stole my life, you stole my time and I want it all back. I know what side of the door I stand on when this goes down, do you?

Jonesing For Jesus

Jonesing for Jesus? Are you mother flocking kidding me? OH MY GOD! Do you know what just dawned on me after all this hot talk?

Your My Best Friend/Queen
Standing in the kitchen re-heating a cup of Joe, once again it starts to sink in what I wrote on my last post about what my body was doing every time I saw a picture of Jesus Christ? That boner I get that pulls my hips forward? You just made me literally look like the scarlet letter W.

Trampled Under Foot/LZ
The whore of Babylon, the Truth Seer whom gets a hard on for Jesus Christ, my God, what have you done to me? Talk about a weird confession. I had no idea what was happening to me? I had no idea why this was? In my past like twenty years ago, my body would have that just make me drop to my knee's when I looked at a particular mans T-Zone. I did all I could do to stop my body from re-acting. From just walking over to him and climb on. Then it happened again when I got my Tattoo at Harley Davidson. I walked away thinking "my God, what the flock is wrong with me."

Another Brick In The Wall/PF
I mean my personality then was Betty Crocker. I even wore sweaters that looked like a Fred Rogers sweater. I was pretty much Crate and Barrell personality, quilting bee and wine with my friends. It was just for me the strongest response I had ever had to another man in my life.

It Ain't Me/CCR
Until recently trying to figure who Jesus Christ even was, their I was. I mean talk about looking like the Anti-Christ you Asshole.

I'm On The Highway To Hell/AC/DC
Do you think? Look what you have done to me with all this enlightenment. All this honesty in this families tree and where I ascend from? You try explaining that that Morning Glory is on both sides of the family tree? I'm the tree of life not death.

Ramble On/LZ
You know God, I am really in no mood today for more discoveries. My mood at the moment is bring it or walk away. Been up since 3:30, with another mask of pain. I do not feel like working out. I fell asleep without taking my med's so where have I been just dribbling and shiitting away up until about an hour ago? Dehydrated and oh so burned out on serving this John God. Once again my back pain is sinking in.

Miss You/TRS
Some days God, I don't want to commit my day to try and keep moving through the pain, just so I don't hurt worse tomorrow. It's exhausting. If I don't I'm going to get a stiffy here, get knotty there, then my snake starts to shift and shape right out of alignment. I start all over somewhere else, back to square one, I don't know whats worse, the geriatric side of my pain, or the knotty side of my pain, the mask of pain I fight? The stabbing pain between my blades? That ring of pain around my head? Pick my poison, pick my misery, still always somebody nitpicking me telling me, I'm can do it better, or I'm doing it wrong. They give a little tweak here and they think they cured me. The credit this healthcare system is going to take for getting me this far, does not sit well with me. I don't care who my John is God Dammit. You want to see Bridezilla Asshole, then bring it.

Bohemian Rhapsody/Queen
There ain't no going back now. What's done is done. I don't give a flying flock what you bring from up above or down below, just get me over this hump before I lose my mother flocking shitte on an innocent. You set me up, so lets see whatcha got. Pony up Big Daddy. I'm tired of living in purgatory and hell. Amongst all this insanity of an insurance system. All this service of a Justice system. Ten Thousand Bucks my ass. You can Kiss My Lily White Angel.

Flaming Telepaths/BOC on Secret Treaties
To infinity and beyond you go. I'm locking the door and I'm throwing away the key. The Jokes on you, like my Lil' Robin said, "he's going to have the last laugh."

Runnin' With The Devil/VH
Hell God, the way I see it, if I'm going to burn this hot and Jones this bad for a man, it might as well be Jesus Christ. Hell you put me here. Come on God, let's light this mothers fire.

Who Made Who/AC/DC
I got one for you God. Who came first? The Adam, The Atom or The Atum? Which Big A blew me first? Just talking this way makes me want to spew my milk and honey all over my wet panties. "Hey, there's Mikey, you know what they say about Mikey God? Mikey will eat anything. That's what the box of Life said.

Foreplay/Long Time/Boston
Now your singing my song. What can I say Big Daddy, this Mommy could use an adjustment. Gotta get a tune up every so many miles. Rotate my tires. Come on Big Daddy, my gears are grinding, and I'm burning real hot. I need to lighten my load some days too. Let off some steam, gotta all this milk and honey inside me, just ready to erupt. Come on Big Daddy, stop teasing and start pleasing. I'll let you crank me up, and wind me down. All I ask is that you keep me going full throttle, and keep me rolling over and over and over. I love some oil in all my joints. Crank me up real tight, shift up, wind me up, shift up wind me up full throttle.....

Hot Blooded/Foreigner
Garden of Eden, this Daddy's way. You bet your sweet ass, I want my freedom.Yeah God, this family can be habit all right.

Castle On The Hill

Castle On The Hill/ES
"Am I God? Am I on my way to the next step?" After more conversing yesterday I discovered my fear of your Namesake and what it means to me inside? Cold dead fear God. I feel as if you coming back here to literally live, that I'm losing my lifeline. A whole half of my being. Even after two years of this in all this enlightening history through different generations. All this proof of life I really hate finding some days. The New Dawn is me? It's all about to change? Even if I understand it's for the better of mankind. Even if you are the profit. The biggest Atom of all the land, with all your own little Atoms tucked up under your wing. The energy of angels. The energy of the rock. The energy of all the beasties and wildlife is just energy of your creation in a different mass. Like thicker energy of the human body. Your creation of your making in one of many dimensions you have created around this universe.

Dirty South/LH
I started to realize maybe I am more human than higher being after all. How I accept things and my willingness to accept things? Baby steps some days. Really, really big baby steps that want to turn around and back track some moments. Moon walk as fast as I can, you might say. One of the Same is a better word for me to accept that other O.S. is much easier.

Heartbeat/Cu
The heartbeat of this rock is me? Your a bigger asshole than Satan some days God, ya know that don't you? It makes me so angry when my own words come back and haunt me. How many times have I said, "but of course he is you?" You as in God the energy of this rock your son, Jesus Christ that you have stated so clearly over and over, is a creation of your making, in human form. Even the Jewish people who couldn't even respect your word enough to accept that is Gods word of Truth, and his own people killed Him.

Craving You/TRMM
Hence whom is You. Back to Him JC, hence which was me then, hence whom is me now. Jesus Christ, your killing me. This family tree lineage does not feel like a road map to heaven God. After all everything I have been through especially the last two plus years? Even I don't know who's on first some days let alone home plate.

Play That Song/Train
I fell asleep to Maleficent the other night. Now God, once again who really clipped my wings? Male Life Scent or is it Ma's Life Cent is pretty much not worth a cent anymore God? All the destruction of our true mothers natures. I mean who can even smell mother natures true scent with all this poison in the air with those not so funny Cirrus clouds? The poison in our food that creates allergies. In our soil and seed, having to use all these decongestants now. Who can smell or taste anything anymore? Another way, another huge way to destroy this rock. The scent of mother nature, right along with the taste of humanities food. Dull the senses dull the connection. Poison and dulling of mother natures essence so her own children don't even notice she is slowly eroding and disappearing right before their own eyes.

Something Just Like This/TC&C
Are my true wings hidden in a box God? Am I going to finally get my wings back? I don't like some of these stories I have read in the Bible? The man with all daughters whom took in two angels for the night. What happens? Are you mother flocking kidding me? Male human beings have so much ego, fear and hate for angels that they want to deflower and make them impure? Yet humanity uses this book as an excuse for the same bad behavior God? All this confusion on sexuality? The curse of King Tut? The opening of the tomb, all this sexual confusion and how many years have these wars been going on in the desert? The powers that be working behind the scene's write off curses as nonsense, by labeling it myth, right out of your book, and you haven't come back to get rid of it. Revelation's is a myth now too?

Vice/ML
It clearly states, Wicca and Merlin's.  That you are coming back to get rid of this bullshit. If you already returned to get rid of all this b.s., then I would like to see when you exactly did that again? It is not my fault God if society wants to turn a blind eye to the Truth, God. Which I forgot until I read back from long ago, the name of my demon is Truth. Even I forget I have a demon.

Judah and the Lion/Take It All Back
What has humanity been taught over time God? That anything different spiritual from you, or that you think is different from you is labeled a demon. Even the Angels God, this religion has labeled anything scary and spiritual through lack of education and understanding as a demon. Then we have other walks of life showing you the true scary form of demons. Like all these paranormal activity reality shows, showing you the Truth of their own experience with the history and documentations to back up the traumas and deaths that has formed in a house, on land, and has attached itself to a child usually or a ill being. Whomever is the most naive' and spiritually weakest.

Issues/JM
Yes God, even in all your power and glory you have just handed me another plate of bullshit to contend with in humanities fears of me. You G, some moments you are my biggest issue, what to do with you in all your glory and guidance? I'm gonna shove you in a glory hole when this is done, if you don't get me to that Garden Of Eden.

Why Girl/DS
Why Girl? You have to ask after all this? Even the man sitting across from me on my journey back to The Bush, had on a black shirt with a red rose embroidered on the pocket, written underneath "The Rose". This Asshole is not an occasion I'm sure I want to rise too. Now that's not completely true, some parts yes, that's just a given after all this teasing. For the longest time I couldn't look at a photo or a documentary on Jesus Christ with out my hips flexing forward and pulling me into an orgasm. How flocking weird right God? My true nympho side is for Jesus Christ my husband, which is you, no actually Him this time.

Hide Away/Daya
I want out of the box God. I want out of all these boxes. The human side still wants to hide away from the world. The universe and all you beasties and aliens. Which humanity will not understand we are all aliens. We are all celestial light beings sitting in shells of these bodies.

My Old Man/ZB
Daddy when this is done, you bet my sweet ass I want options. Till then you all can kiss my angel until I can decide what to do with all this enlightenment.

Shape Of You/ES
Shape of you, which is me God, and this rock. Talk about having another form of Identity Disorder? The polarity of my twin is God? To be Gods creation in human form this close to the line? Twin's? Twin souls? Twin energy? His son here is my soulmate, which is Him and I am U? How do I identify myself God as my own being if you are my other half? Is this what twins go through? Of course I know the answer? Even though Alex and Kiley were two years apart, I could see twin energy all over these two. The yin/yang. They are so much alike they do not like each other for it. Kind of like we never want to be our parents either. We want our own identifier as we grow and discover for ourselves who we really are. Opposites attract to complete a whole picture. Animal instincts the scent of the beast inside. The attraction igniting in the loins of fire.

I think when I see  humans stop growing, right along with the partner some times we get stuck. The fear is that the other S.O. will outgrow and leave us. It's a rational fear, instead of going inside to deal with the fear of abandonment we fight to hold onto someone who is changing, growing and letting go. Life is about growth, technology is not growth. It is the advancement of a machine instead of humanity as a whole. As humans we fight with what it means to possess another human being.

To possess is not love. Not spiritually nor physically. You turn a human being into an item instead of a human being. With all this stress of this high cost of living, the price of the most basic technology that has been set up that we need it to survive or we die is a lie.

That's How I'll Always Be/TM
The best gift you can do God is to love yourself, only then can you love others. With all these bells and whistles going off on our computer screens and all this confusing information of a highway, password and numbers? We look at another that we love, as a dollar sign for survival. That is one of the big reasons I wanted to know who I was before I entered into any new relationship with a man.

Drinkin' Problem/Midland
Actually my plan was to never let another man in my life, that is one reason for the second job. So I could move on alone. Not depend on love, not depend on another man to feed me their jaded hearts and unrealistic expectations. Just because I make less money, does not make me less valuable as a human. Then the self-worth and value I get placed in. The expectations to earn my keep, usually puts me in a position of servitude. Even when I am the one bringing home the bacon, then it's all my job just because I'm a mother, a woman. It's expected of a woman, to maintain the children and the man's quality of life. It is not love. It is a label and a unrealistic expectation. Then when a woman outgrows this and is ready to expand her own horizon's, the male partner can't let go. That is not love to stop another from personal growth. 

In Case You Didn't Know/BY
Who am I God? Why am I here God? Being you is not the answer I wanted. The expectations and all that entails? Discovering as humans we are the most gullible and the weakest flock after all God, is not something I want to take on. I never envied any President or King of any nation whom had to make a choice, when to push the red button? I wish I could just get on the bat phone, or shine a beacon, a light for help. Yet I am the beacon? "OHHHH! My Angel, you are killing me." 

Can man live on Love alone God? Another depends answer. I have the answer to this. Man I love my job some days. I love God, some days. Alright all days. See I can't lie. I just don't always like every description of my job and all that it entails, like any other human being, I lose my Shiite at Gods answers too.

Slow Hands/Nail Horan
 I have to say this, I know full well humanity is going to try and use my human fear against me. Try to weaken my heart, my mind, my soul, the Truth of whom my family, nor husband, either the Father or the Son, in the heavens and that Sun that this Son on this rock represents. Know one thing, my Faith, my Family, is strong inside me. Having fear is a healthy fear. It's what makes us fly or die. Sink or swim. It is not my issue that you as human have fear of me.

Black/DB
The Truth is this time around. You either except all of me or non of me. This universe is my rock and all it entails. It is not my issue that you allowed someone else to keep you boxed in in your own heart. Set your heart free, set your mind free. Truth in yourself comes from within. Not a building, not a man in a robe. I am only a guide to you. I am not here to strike anyone down. I am just as human as any of you and I am as much an imperfect human being. I am not here to make choices for you. You can make your own choices. I do not choose to destroy another human beings choices they make in life.

It Ain't Me/K&SG
I am only here as a guide of Truth, to help you get to the next step, by showing you all of it as I walk along. Connect the dots. I will not go on the attack as long as you don't either. Give your fears to God or whomever else that may be to you. It is all okay to me as long as you are honest, not taking spiteful action to go behind someones back to create false witness. Only the truth will set you free. There is love in a parent whom comes back like he promised, and tell you the Truth once again. Isn't that a parent that we all wish we had? Unconditional Love, Truth and Guidance is God.

Forever And Ever Amen/RT

I Am The Rock

Uneasy Rider/CD
Hey, I figured out something else if I am a creation of your making, and this rock is your creation of you, then doesn't that make me the rock too? Strengthen the core, strengthen the spine, my tree of life. Poison the blood of the lamb against the mother, poison the father. Poison the water, poison the milk. Hey God, isn't their another white water floating around out there? Clinton and that white stain?

It's A Great Day To Be Alive/RT
Poison of the heart, right from the start? Not such a bad plan I see. Poison of this rock, the river and wells, you poison your mother and Gods flock.  I don't know what you were thinking, like your mama's not gonna come back for this last bloody river dance? I can see God the "Other Mother" is back in town too? Hell God I didn't name her, someone else did. What did they name that last mummy? Oh yeah another Anne. Imagine that?

Livin' On Love/AJ
Come on God, when do I get to live on love and not in purgatory? I feel some day's like I'm pulling this planet out of a great big vortex trying to pull it all down into the wrong kind of sink hole. Come on God, not another blood moon. My tree of life hates me today.

Time March's On/TL
I know God, I'm not ready for your namesake. Yesterday when things started to sink in well, things got a lil' heavy inside me. I don't like the weight of your labels that you place upon me. I don't like your God Damned titles either.

Whiskey Bent and Hell Bound/HWjr.
I don't know which labels make me feel more hell bound? Yours or there's? I feel like I have a knife in back at the moment, and you won't pull it out, until this is done. I don't know what pisses me off more the labels, the physical pain I fight off everyday, right along with you God? Is a lot of  weight for anyone to carry.

How Long Gone/B&D
Cursed or enlightened? Don't think I don't remember the day I stepped my foot upon the curb in front of the Gull, where I got one of my first lightening zaps right in the ribs, then the other three in a specific location. So I do remember who has the power to heal my crooked lil' tree of life.

The Ride/DAC
Now get me off this wild ride, to tell you the truth God, I truly don't know what more it is you want from me? My dying last breath? Hell God, you hold my heart in the palm of your hand, you own the fruit of my loins. You own my rock, my tree of life. It is because of you that I'm out here wandering around on my own two lil' feet and a pack on my back. Oh and your precious son. His Highness.

Song Of The South/Alabama
You know what God my face hurts, my spine hates me and going back over all this bullshit just pisses me off. Get me off this retread.

Watermelon Crawl/TL
You can kiss my Angel God, and don't let my Angel hit you in my royal ass when I send you packing for all you have put me through, once again. Like that doesn't piss me off all over again? I swear the deeper you go, the more pissed off I get each time. Just let me off this chain gang already. I'm ready to be your Dragon Slayer, not one more label. Not one more Namesake God.

Better As A Memory/KC
Flock God, what you want me to nail myself on the cross? Here let me get the hammer and nails. Just bring my babies home, and tuck them safely back under my wing so I can get you out of my mind. My saving grace. My Salvation. My Rock. My Tree of Life and the air in which I breath. My heart beats for you, it bleeds for you. I'm not still out here for no reason.

I Cross My Heart/GS

Livin' The Dream

Yeah God, a bad dream. When are we gonna get to the good stuff? Oh this is the good stuff. Really? Let me count the ways God, all those other discoveries in my family tree.

Matthew by JD
Yup, that John the Baptist guy, whom got his head served up on a platter? I saw the documentary God. I wrote "when you break bread with someone they become your family". The lords prayer? Turns out to be John the Baptist prayer. He baptized Jesus Christ. I could see clearly God how you had JC roaming around, learning things on his own. Walking through it all and you let him see for himself, experience for himself, and come to his own conclusion of what your words are. If it ain't love, it ain't God. Sides who are you to choose for someone else? This seems to be how we got into all these hot spots going on all over the desert in the first place. EVERYONE WANTING TO BE A GOD. Everyone wants to hold the keys to what they believe is the kingdom of heaven. Keep it for themselves I see. That ain't any of God's family or behavior that I'm looking at.

Get Closer by Seals and Croft
God please, the music God? Then God, I learned a new tidbit of information. That Osiris, my brother is an angel of death. I think I missed that when I went down names and job descriptions. I mean God, I laughed. Then I had to think about it, isn't Jesus Christ second coming also can be considered by some to be an angel of death? Depends on your perspective. Your security in your own heart of knowing what home your going to. Faith is a strong power to have God.

Jumper by Third Eye Blind
Thanks for making me a female this time. That's a swell idea. Like you didn't once again make my job even harder. Yeah, God switched gears. I feel another transition. A passing of a baton. No thank you. You know God, I can't be you guys, when I was standing with Moses and you conversing, all I could hear screeching down my mother flocking spine, like loud birds screeching in a nest. "I'm Hungry! I'm Hungry! MOOOMMMMMM, I'M HUNGRY. Is this what you hear all mother flocking day? This is the reason I wanted my emotions in check before I had children. Adults can't handle the screaming in their own heads and homes. That takes allot of emotional maturity to take on. A baby pretty much has one language when something is off. Crying, then you have to have the education and patience to teach them to communicate, and go potty on Q.

Down Under
I knew going into motherhood, kids are mini versions of you. In the beginning they count on you for all their needs. I so looked forward to this part of motherhood. Teaching, feeding and guiding my babies. I watched other people cook my whole life. It's not as fun as you men might think. It is never ending for the mother, (if this is her role) to come up with 3 meals a day for a family. Snack's and drinks in between, Nutrition and the high cost of nutrition. Doing the best you can to feed a family on today's budget is stressful. Then you have all those dirty dishes that just keep you enslaved. Palmolive my ass Madge. Absurd and for such an advanced society God, we shouldn't still be teaching adults and children the value of nutrition. However they created a whole industry. New news out of old news. Only it's poison, including the bullshit excuses they give you for creating it. As humans we lost focus on what is most important in society. Our food, our organic bodies, and this rock that feeds all of us. What palm is humanity eating from God? At what cost? You remove mother natures essence, you remove a huge part of who you are? That is the plan God to kill me off, slowly but surely so no one will notice. All to get control of you, heavens gates, all its resources, so I can't feed my babies. I don't think so.

Piano Man, by Billy Joel
I want humanity to go back to the family God. I want them to go back to the kitchen. Teach your children about balance and nutrition without all the overkill. Teach them the value of food and family sitting around that table, or campfire. It just kills me inside God, that no one really sat and thought about how deadly it was for humanity, to turn God's organic food chain into a synthetic all to feed a machine and fill someone else's pockets, is morally wrong.

Against All Odds by PC
Now I have a moral dilemma. I don't even know if its a matter of Faith God? What do I do with all this? Going to the authorities and speaking truthfully is like stepping into my own coffin and hammering in the nail. Especially when I don't even know what power I have. I try to leave that up to you. To tell or not to tell? Is it a question of morals or faith? I don't know but enough placating me. Thanks for the Kodak moments on my walks.

Lovin' Touchin' Sqeezin'/Journey
I discovered another seventeen God. Merony the angel. Another angel God? His name was Joseph, another Joe? Thanks like I don't have a hard enough time keeping track of all these Jack's, John's, James, Jeremiah and JJ's? Not only do I have a JJ in my family tree, I wanted one of my own. Jimmie Jane, her daddy another James, his twin another John.

Bright Lights/MB20
He was also guided by an angel, to a ancient text along with I believe another rose stone. This angel was from Paladies another star cluster. He was a messenger also between the human realm and the angelic realm. It is clear in the O.T. that angels can take on human form.

You're The Inspiration/Chicago
Then God, I got introduced to the "Three Fates." I still had no ill will. Knowing these women have my life by a thread. Hell I've lived this long. Been going over my list of close calls that no one else really noticed. How many lives now God? Do car accidents, or almost having a RV land on top of you count? Almost beheaded by a Safeway semi. Black car side swiped in white snow. Could I be any more of a beacon?

Jessie's Girl/RS
Like these three ladies haven't played a huge part in my life. Still kicking. I didn't even freak out at another proof of life God. I laughed. I love my ladies. I can so relate. Let me see God. my marriage? All those times I literally felt like he was expecting me to do just that. Spin the wool into Gold. Turn no quality and broken pieces into high quality for his lazy ass and not my children's. "No Colleen, you do all the work. Gotta do your part." Being pricked at fifteen on an agreement with my best friend, Gweners. An agreement I make in the fifth grade, I held too. 

 My Homes In Alabama

Then my own daughter? You just know I would of been a vulture at that door. I mean the shotgun on the wall, with empty shot gun shells. With the names of past little boys who tried to get into my baby girls panties, before I felt she was mature enough. The broken right hand, just like her mama? She said after "you were right mom, I needed to come home. Turns out it was a blessing in disguise." I could hear her spiral over the phone. "To be loved? Why doesn't he love me? Whats wrong with me? Not a thing. He's not ready that's all. He's been telling you the words all along. You just don't want to hear them. Their she was just like her mother, waiting to be noticed. Waiting to be loved by the right kind of man. Putting her life on hold waiting for another broken heart, another wet pillow to cry yourself to sleep. Wondering when someone's gonna feed me the good love mama? Just like her mama.

Minute by Minute/TDB
I could not understand how Greg, a young stud himself trying to get in all the little girls panties, could just invite them in and hand them over? Hell God, he'd get drunk with them. Yes, God if that was going on I had a right to be there. I couldn't get, nor did I no longer have the right to anything after the labels and responsibility I was held under after my divorce.

Wind Beneath My Wings/BM
Back to Zeus and his three ladies. Colossal spun the thread of life. Lakisis who wove it and Atripus who cut the thread at the moment of death. Universal Order, Meta Mamatu, The Goat headed Goddess of fate. Who God? What another OT. Another Other Mother IC?

New Kid In Town/Eagles
New York City, Spring 1940, David Parkinson. The Nazis conquered Europe, the battle of what God? The Battle of Dungkiak. Do I see another curse here from another war? More dung, more bullshit? More nines, and his body was another portal in his dreams. Our body is a vessel, I don't know who's great idea it was to make human dreams nothing? Truth is it is another dimension from within, just like your heart and mind. The Truth why religion wants to hide that "Thy Own Self Be True" is your kingdom inside you. You don't need a building, a counselor, rabbi or priest. What I see here is another positive example of being a receiver, another proof of life from which to ascend and science wants to control this, right along with religion, and the alien race that wants this rock playing behind the scenes. This is what was shutdown so we don't learn what that other ninety percent of our minds really do. 

I'd Be There/UK
So anything that is outside of whatever belief system they created for humanity to know, they call it demons or a psychosis. So they created a pharma system and negative labels to shut down mother natures children and keep humanity from knowing you ascend from two always. God is about procreation. He has proven that within everything in life. It takes two. So now God, if this is such a scam and not true, why is science trying to control it? In the lab and through all the subliminal messaging?

Slide
Why is Science trying to set the parameters on human nature and all its dimensions? I mean if we have weed and shrooms, then why did you re-create the cause and effect by creating PCP, LSD, and whatever chemical that gives the same effect. This system wants to control everything. Right down to your dreams, the dimensions, the parameters of your body, your whole body. Your heart, your soul and your mind. Quiet frankly that higher power each man woman and child carry inside you. It is yours and no one has the right to tell you how to find your truth inside you, or how to pray, weep for sorrow and joy.

Reminder
Perhaps that is why they re-created a sheep in the lab? Trying to re-make Gods perfect creatures in their making, only control the emotions to make you robots and zombies. Within any part of this system that you step into you signed away your rights to anything as soon as you step into any hospital, corporation, institution, government or doctors office. Their is no land that I can think of that isn't owned by some corporation or conglomerate today, being allowed to create its own guidelines and rules.

Highcotton/Alabama
Right down to how I pray, peacefully. In a whisper and at times with my hands in the air. A native woman on native land. Why do I have less rights as a un-registered native woman, yet religion has more rights? Why do I have to carry a green card to say I'm a native and anyone can be christian or Jehova witness they can pray and knock on doors? I cant stand outside a door, on a rock, a corner, a mound without someone taking a picture and calling the police.
Cross My Heart/GS
Then sitting quietly writing under a tree a policeman drives by, goes into the business of the yard I'm sitting on. Just to ask the business if its okay for me to be sitting there. Yes, they knew. Now why does a policeman have to go make trouble for me? The reason I got in that semi was all the police, whom hadn't caught me at anything? I didnt even approach anyone.

Just because you have fear for me does not mean you have the right to tell me where I can stand, if I can purchase food without a scene. Make me stand in the middle of a business while I get chastised out loud in public for being raped and that demon dog poisoning himself, and then shooting himself in the head. Can we punish me more God?

Right Down The Line/GR
Yes God I figured out the Truth whether my grandma bishop new it or not, why my family really isn't registered still after all this time? You didn't want me or mine found, nor did you want a value or label placed upon me. Some days God, I don't like your labels either nor do I like the labels of some of your names.

Faithfully/Journey
It seems every time I get a name, not only do I get more family and more backing, I seem to get handed more responsibility ASSHOLE! Then I have the Hindu Goddess named Giree. Don't think I don't know about Alex and Peru God. Of all places Peru? Just get her ass home. Don't think I haven't figured out a couple other things either?

The Best of My Love/Eagles
In the beginning God, I felt like "The Pillsbury Dough Girl." Like something was slapping me all up down, re-shaping me an kneading me. Right down to butter up my butt a good old few pats on the behind and I'm on my way. Now you push, push, push, shove, shove, shove in a whole new direction I don't want to go, let alone know.

Under My Wheels/Bonzos
I have been frozen and thawed out so many times. Starting all over, right down to spraining my thigh muscles. Lift me up, tear me down, Wash, wash, wash, scrub, scrub, scrub, get behind the ears rub a dub dub. Lets wring her out, a few slams against the rock, nope not clean enough back to the wash board I go. I keep starting all over and I keep moving. Still no spilled seed.

 You've Got A Friend/CKJT
I keep getting my fluff back God. I can't stop my other bad habit. My devils food donuts, that just percs me right up and makes my day. If I can't find that? I move onto my next choice chocolate chip muffins, or butter horns God. I finally had to go back on to the white water God. I don't like white water for nutrition. Maybe I am like a cat, so I like my moo juice with some cream. 

Is it such a crime, my bad habits now? What pisses me off the most is that if you let me out of this box, I could fly and not have to spend my whole mother flocking day, moving and functioning around this geriatric body you gave me. Yes God, I figured out that we should actually be living about 120 years by now, yet this system made a industry out of stressing out, living off of God's flock to make a living and run this rock. Make it look like we are just a bunch of spassed out lil mice running around, having all this fun on the hamster wheel. Get me off this rock. I do not like the direction this is going.

Shine/CS
The only time I have ever said in my whole mother flocking life "I got your balls" was to Kyle on the phone. I put together in the last few days, the balls I have are his balls. He's Jesus Christ this time around. That big cross that goes right down the front of him. ARE YOU MOTHER FLOCKING KIDDING ME?" You wonder why I hate you some times. You wonder why I hate your labels worse than theirs some days.  Yet, what can I do about all this? Not one God Damn thing, accept, accept, accept, right God? I don't want your labels. I don't want your titles. I don't want the heiarchy.  Yesterday, I never watch the history channel except on demand. What do I turn it onto? The wrong kind of assholes wanting the wrong kind of power? Sudam and Hitler. Just a little reminder, right God?

Baker Street/GR
I said to Michael, first thing when I saw him again three or four years ago when I tried to describe these people to Michael in Kelso/Longview "They are hungry for food Michael, they are hungry for love." You showed me the heart of the matter back then. Looking at those treatment centers? The amount of success that actually walks out those doors, is nothing compared to the droves of people they have going in and out. Paying all that money out over and over, The true location of mental institution's that are State ran, are these treatment centers. It is a joke that no one sees the revolving door going round and round creating an industry and an insurance, by using the legal system is morally wrong. This system created this depression to pay for the depression, and everyone around this rock allowed it.

Annie's Song/JD
God I hate this song now.
Bent/MB20
Back to trying to figure out the false profit? Truth is God, I can't hold against someone, preaching the word of God, how they were taught? They know what they know, truth is they are just one part of whom I see is doing the best they can with what they have to work with. Same as the ones in our government all the way around this planet. I don't see the false profits as knowingly being only one part of the truth of their institution. I do see the false profit as being that series of numbers of which we in each government is fighting for. Survival of each individual domain and its constituents. It's the system of numbers that was created in order to keep moving ahead for survival. The numbers, the profit and loss on humanity is nothing but a bunch of numbers. Especially with all the mark-up behind it.

Flaming Telepaths/BOC, Secret Treaties
Gathering as much of mother natures resources, the gold and the greenbacks. The banking system, the wars, the liability insurance on all of humanity. This is the series of numbers, this is the machine and the false profit. It is not me God, it is not you. You kept your promise, you got your son to come back. The Truth behind the O.T.? Humanity does not know we are even enslaved still. It's not about blame to the individual that I fear as a human speaking truthfully it is humanities fear God. I feel they have a right to know the Truth. You obviously have more to get me to work through, why else would I still be out here.

Why is Dust In The Wind on Blue Oyster Cult Radio God? This is the shit I'm talking about. Not close to the same genre. If I mark it thumbs down, it won't even get played on the genre's it was originally supposed to be on. This is bullshit for music.

You Shook Me All Night Long/AC-DC
All these hot-spots just to get music. When we could just turn on a radio and you didn't even need batteries. Now we need, headphones, and we need a cell phone or computer. What freedom have we given up for all these filaments and affiliates to do business? How much stress do we go through to have a computer, make you have to pull everything out and start over to tell me my music is loud and it could be damaging? These smart phones make humanity dumb. I want it gone. To much garbage on the minds and in the landfills.

Fool In The Rain/Led Zeppelin
Promises, promises God. I'm truly tired of being strung along. Even for the greater good of mankind. I'm up to here with all of it God, including you and that is the Truth. I don't give a flying flock if I made an agreement with you and all of you around this universe. It's all so absurd and ridiculous, all of it pisses me off on more levels than one God. So either get it the fuck done, or go find some other guinea flocking pig to string along. I'm up to here with all your mother flocking games. All your so called test of love. You want to test my love any further, then mother flocking pony up asshole. As your wife, and your daughter, your representative or whatever the flocking other I am. I'm done with the lot of you. 

Sweet Home Alabama/LS
Fuck you and your sweet home. As far as I'm concerned God you can take this whole experiment or what the flying flock ever it is and SHOVE IT UP YOUR LILY WHITE ASS.

Iron Man/BS
Fuck you and your precious son God. I didn't want him or any other man in the first place. As far as I'm concerned God you two can be very happy together.
Letters From Home/JMM
Go fuck yourselves silly right off this rock. I am sick and tired of being a pawn for you or anyone else.
Do you have a mother flocking clue what it is like day after the same bullshit? The same retread and start over once again? I've said, it over and over. I'd live in a tree house just to be with you. I don't know how much more proof of life and love you want from me?

It's Where My Demons Hide

They Got The Beat

I'm kind of sitting on pause mode at the moment. Pondering which way to go? How far to go without creating a panic? How far He wants me to go, I still don't know. So I ponder on. What to do? I just try to keep moving everyday, no matter the pain. As long as I got the energy, I gotta move.
Before I went back to North Bend, I said to God "okay I'm ready to go home and face the music, whatever that may be."

Delilah
Careful what you ask for in this family tree. I finally got that "Glider Car From Hell" towed. Of course it's my fault. To be driving without a license in the first place? Trust me I know the drill. I remembered the 317 shortcut to get home just past the 320. Well I kind of glided my way with my blinker across three lanes, exited all by my lonesome onto a HOV lane only. I just happened to do this with King County right behind me. Oh my lucky stars.

Falling To Pieces
I just happen to of come from my candy store. The Urban Bush is my kind of outback. Well I'm sure my car reeked. I was not one iota stoned either. Not that I really get stoned like other people. Me, not knowing my way around? Getting lost any which way I go? I happen to pull over into a high school parking lot. Guess the name and the community garden I just happen to pull into? Truman High School. Trying to remember what the maximum amount is you can legally carry? Does it count on weekends, the being on school property with weed? Questions I really didn't want to get the answers to at that moment. Not intentional anyway. Luckily she was a nice one this time. I even got lost trying to find my way to the bus station, only to have to turn around come back and ask for directions? Not my proudest moment. I'm God's Warrior? Genius? Blond or maybe I got a lil' pollack in me after all.

Hello by Adella
Walking home realizing I'm going to have to wake Michael up and break the news, I got the car towed was not the music I wanted to face. I knew inside him he was going to have a hard time letting it go. It was a money pit from the start Michael. The day it was towed the office was closed for the weekend, so we had to pay all those days it was closed, plus try to get a hold of the original owner to transfer title.

Jessie's Girl
You ask why not do that earlier? Got to pay it off first that's why? Gotta drive a car in someone else's name without a record helps me. Learned it from my DUI lawyer. Especially with the bogus insurance laws now? The fee's attached each month, to pay for more purgatory before I have to at this point? No thank you. We live paycheck to paycheck. Hell after discovering the truth behind this system and how I was put in purgatory in the first place? I have no guilt or shame. Yet I did remind God whom I know really drives this bus?

I'm Only One Call Away
All those evenings when the next day I'd get flashes of me driving? A whole other being driving my car inside my body. Me but not me? When Jim said just that to me, it kind of weirded me out too. Carey said, he'd have cops sitting outside trying to catch me red handed, yet I'd be driving just fine, no reason to pull me over. Would I choose to drink and drive today, knowing what I know now, with that angel inside me? No. I love my guardian angel and appreciate my guardian angel, however I choose to drive my own car and be aware. I kind of think they have had enough responsibility just giving me my walking feet to get me through the next stage of this journey.

Meet Virginia
I learned something new last night. Quantum Law? Pretty much means expectations will fail. My ears perked up, "hey theirs that word quantum again." I discovered that the lotus flower, the root chakra is from the Buddhist part. The closest I discovered long ago was the closest to God and religion as your ever gonna get.

This Is My Fight Song
Not that I want to see any religious groups after this, the rituals I mean that make you feel tied down to Gods love, I mean. God's expansion is even more so. It's called the Living Lotus in Buddhism. I recon it goes to show you God has many teachers and guides everywhere to help you through life. He is the creation of all things, not just one thing after all. Life would be pretty boring if we didn't have different cultures to learn from. As long as it doesn't have ego, it is God's Love.

Think Before He Cheats
Mike had another God shot just in time once again. He's walking outside, looked down and found forty five bucks. When he walked in the door a few nights ago, I was climbing into bed with the lights out. He comes in and starts stuffing bills in what happened to be my white lingerie set I just bought on clearance. I didn't pick. Their happened to be only two sets in my size to choose from. A black one and a white one. I got both. All my panties are children's panties still. My bra's are sports bra's. After two years of wearing sports bra's, I admit it's hard to go back to a normal bra again. It's like a comfortable vice I recon. I compromised on sports style cotton lace sets. For me this is odd, considering I used to have a large drawer of this stuff my whole life. I love me some Victoria's Secret, clearance sales. Well God, it seems my new body is shaping back up once again. Remember God, I'm Colleen this time. I'm me, not Eve.

Living On A Prayer
That God Shot I'm talking about happened to Michael about a month ago. Yup, God Shot, all for me. Who says God doesn't provide? On my way back to candy land I go. I crossed paths with a huge veteran with a peg leg. Getting off the A line heading for the intersection with his sign, I was happy to be his tobacco fairy when he asked me for a smoke. He made me want to laugh and cry just looking at him and his shirt. On the back it it said, "Who's Your Big Daddy Now?' I asked myself just this morning, is God, all this weed, and conversing a Bad Habit? My answer is if your gonna have a bad habit? God is the Bad Habit I choose to wear. I'm getting the feeling God is ready to get to the next step. I just have to figure out what that is still. Come on Big Daddy, my first broom was a dirt devil after all. My favorite donut? Devils Food. Let's clean this rock up, so humanity can move forward. I'm game if you are. Come on Big Daddy. I'll show you mine, if you show me yours.

The Meeting Of Osiris

Sign Of The Times by Harry Styles
I was still feeling pretty monotone inside my heart after being told, "no your the actual Jesus Christ that hung on the cross." It must of been July 6th, taking an evening walk on the drag. I get up so early and keep moving as much as possible, which is getting harder to do everyday. I am bored out of my gourd, no matter what is going on inside me, I need to get out of this box. By evening I try to stay lose by walking, dancing or stretching again. In my mind I was trying to process "how I'm supposed to feel about this? Come on I have to have some kind of emotion? You have to tell me what I am supposed to do with this? Where's that Ah Ah white light I have yet to feel?"

Hurricane by Luke Combs
It is my emotions and purging of my emotions that help me through this. I felt like "okay God purge this. I have to feel something aside from disbelief?" Just then my right hand went into the air and it automatically made a peace sign. Inside my head I got happy all of a sudden. I said "Osiris! Brother!" I walked like that for a minute just feeling it. Just feeling him and trying to figure out who he is to me? As the mother of all mothers he is my son, or is he? ISIS and Atums first born son.

There's Nothing Holding Me Back by SM
After being told I'm actually Jesus Christ from way back, I had to ask "wait is he my brother from another mother? Is he one of the celestial entities watching over Jesus Christ on his journey, living in the flesh?" I decided whom ever he is to me and my family, I have no issue accepting him.

Craving You by TR&MM
I had been feeling other lately and well this is just another perspective on the other feeling I have been feeling. I'm still trying to figure out, "is the reason this system initially didn't want us to know we are all celestial light beings living in the flesh, because it wanted us as human to write off any other higher being as a demon?" I'd have to say yes, just walking through the treatment center's, hospitals and institutions, the training of the nurses and doctors to lock them up for any sign of schizophrenia. It seems this healthcare and pharmaceutical and the powers that be behind the iron curtain have created a monopoly on this diagnosis as well as others.

She Looks So Perfect by 5SOS
Goes hand in hand with the H.P.P.A. form in the hospitals. Having to plant the labels to pay for the insurance. Like A.D.H.D. being Indigo Children. The one's most connected and re-active to the energy in the earth. Interesting how their are so many people carrying this label? Interesting the timing in the schools? The process of serving a system of numbers in the education system, right along with the label of A.D.H.D. children whom are hands on sensory children? They are wiggly worms, they don't learn rote numbers the way this system wants them to. In case you didn't know their are 9 different kinds of A.D.H.D. Their is a MRI that can be done on your child to determine which kind. I wanted that done, so I could identify the behavior when I saw it and I could learn the best approach to make this an asset without the drugs. I wasn't given that chance however.

Don't Let Me Down by TC&D
Then back around the number nine I go? Nine ant hills driving to work every morning. Nine is the number of beings in that big dipper. The nine principals in which we are universally breaking. Seven up front and two hidden. The nine in the T.V. drama, Intruders. The hosting of the body coming back around. The same greedy beings keeping all the secrets. To keep hidden. Control the money and the Truth of Gods Love. The Truth of Gods flock. All to kill off this rock and get to my God and my brother standing at heavens gates. All to keep you wishing upon the wrong kind of star.

Castle On The Hill by Ed Sheeran
When Osiris chimed in introducing himself, like Robin Williams did the day God made himself known. I about choked on my tears, he made me laugh in the middle of my shock and rage. Then it took me back to that O ring I had been writing about. In more ways than one. Earthworks park and the three rings the day, I conversed with both my father and brother. The day my phone dinged and Alex told me she's going to Thailand.

The O-ring, how throughout history, any job you held those that owned the keys to your kingdom whether boss nor King, nor warrior in the field. They own the rights to you and yours O-ring as well. How far are you willing to go to make sure your children can eat and have a roof over their head? Seems to be the most sought out and one of the most controversial topics still today. For such an advanced society this is absurd.

Drinkin' Problem by Midland
Then I had to think about the word sire and the deed? Then the word Iris? The flower on this rock and the Iris, the flower of your eye. Your map to your soul. The stars and the dimensions of who you really are inside. How the Iris changes with your emotions? How the Iris can darken and lighten with your emotions. Even how the Iris can do a eclipse. Like mine started about the summer of 1980. My sisters first wedding at the age of seventeen.

When We Were Young by Adele
Others telling "no Colleen your eye's aren't brown they are hazel, they are black, they have a burning ring of fire around them." I don't reply to whom others telling me things I know are not true about myself. My eyes are shit brown. I stopped replying much to anyone telling me what nationality they think I am. I stopped responding to others telling me I remind them of someone they know. My reply usually "yeah, I hear that allot." Pretty generic if you ask me. Maybe God made me that way so I can be a natural born chameleon wherever I go. Including being seen at all day or night.

Dirty South by Lucas Hoge
Standing in plain sight no one see's me. Sit at a rock in public, stand at a corner, or step outside a doorway and whisper a prayer, here comes the police. "You know God a part of me, just wants to let humanity never find out Gods plan to get to choose. To even the playing field. Tell the Truth and make it a fair fight, yet what would be the point? You have it written in more ways than one about judgement day. If humanity can't figure out compassion and love for others at this stage of the game?"

It Don't Hurt Like It Used To by BC
"If they cannot let the money and greed go for their children then I don't know what to tell them?"

Yours If You Want It by RF
"You can only go by what someone carries in their heart and well truth is only you know their true intent. As far as I can see God, the other big I word, ignorance is no excuse anymore. Faith, Love and God. Not religion, but family and pride in that family, in you and yours. Yet humanity has so much fear from all this confusion? Why should I have to explain to act humanely is Godly?"

Don't Wanna Know by M5
I can't decide what is bothering me the most at this point? What is stopping me from having peace of mind walking with God? The not knowing? That is my answer. To be brought this far, I find out I'm JC in a female body and then God and my flock of angels upstairs went quiet once again.

The Fighter by KU
Just like they did February 12, 2016. It took everything I had to speak the Truth no matter the anger. The storms and the flood I sat in just before this. My right leg giving out after I started to notice, "hey why are others falling down around me"? I just wanted to lay the cards on the table, tell what I know and get some questions answered.

Something Like This by C&C
Walk away give Him time to process this on his own. At least know if something like this came up about my own life and my own children, especially with all this proof of life, I'd want to know. I'd be enraged at whomever decided not to tell me knowing the Truth. Then I had no choice but to accept, this is not the time for a three way conversation. Not only his fear but hers. I don't like to do harm to others if it can be avoided.

I'm So Alive by GGD
I had to accept that this mission is going to be an extended mission. For how long at that point, I had no idea? I still hadn't completely figured out what my flashes were even called around him? Being a seer you do this. Yet I never panic, except when it happens on the phone with him, because I didn't understand then and I didn't have answers to give on this part. I wanted to ask him, "Who is Wendy, What is a Druid? What is a Seer? Isn't this some kind of Welsh thing? Why is your wife waking me up at night?" 

My Girl by DS
I knew one thing for sure, I was still so angry myself that this had anything to do with him. To walk away and get a flash of him standing with his cup of coffee head bowed, left hand in pocket and a purple triangle over his head.  His twin towers and those twin towers.

 Judah and The Lion, Take It All Back
 I knew by then however that when Alex said "hearts, I want some hearts mommy (her word for strawberry pop tarts)." I'd get a flash of a card in my mind each time. The Red King of Hearts and somehow he was it. I hadn't connected he was my soulmate. I hadn't connected my heart to him as my heart. I hadn't connected what the feathers meant. I hadn't really connected that purple triangle and that he is the hidden father, the hidden beast, and most important the zero king of this rock.

A Guy With A Girl by BS
Still not sure what the 12 fruits of the tree meant at this point, but I connected that ring of fire to his ten? Not sure if I knew the number nineteen represented the 9/11 attack on the twin towers? The first number in that article was 19. I had connected the twin towers in New York to his two sets of twins. I hadn't connected the date of "The Siege being 9/11, 144,000, slavery, Revelations, the Pharaoh,and God is coming back to do it again, because us, as the most gullible flock I have ever seen doesn't even know this. Hell God, I had no idea you were even coming back until a couple weeks ago. I still thought two JC's and you were just paving the way? I still thought JC was inside me like everyone else and that the real JC was going to light Him up?"

Issues by JM
Thanks God, now I have "Real Big Daddy Issues." One lil' thing turns out to be me. T-N-T inside me? That Shiva the destroyer and re-set? That Garden of Eden. I don't care what people say God, my horn's on my Angel that transformed on my back, they represent a Ram. Those are the horns of my beast God.

Bad Blood by TS
My Old Man by Zac Brown Band

Believer by Imagine Dragons
Should I tattle God about my other finding in "The Book Of Thelma?" More secrets religion and this system wanted to hide. TSK! TSK! "Come on God let the cat out of the bag already. I'm tired of everyday, I can wake up feeling good, then some kind of pain slowly sets in. I'm getting stronger. Am I Kryptonite yet God? What am I supposed to do after all this? Do I get to hand it all off to you,which is Him? When is my penance over?"

It Ain't Me by K/SG
"That's right it ain't me. You've taken me to every stage of being so far as I can tell. Your setting me up for something. I know after all this hand holding it ain't enough. How difficult and what a ungrateful Lil 'Being I am being, however your the one stringing me along. Just untie me and get me off the chain. Come on Big Daddy let's flick my "Lil' Bean." Come on I'm going crazy down here. It's my body and I want a date. I want this over. Let's just get "The Deed" done. Let's get the keys back to your Kingdom once and for all. Come on God this deed is a twofer, I can't do it on my own. Come on don't you want your Big Beasty to play in the Garden Of Eden with my Kitty Kat? All those dimensions we're going to play in."

Not A Bad Thing by JT
"Come on God, we can make our own Neverland forevermore. We can dance this way and that under the full moon or any moon at that. The honey moon and the milky way God. The honeymoon suite to paradise is this rock God.  It's your kingdom let's play? I might even let you lead once in awhile, I mean until you get your bearings. Come on Big Daddy let's rock this flock of mine once and for all."

The Original Agreement

The date today July 14th, 2017. It is 10:20 a.m. I have been awake since about four. As usual in a good mood ready to start my day. Somehow no matter the pain, I might be angry about the pain, deep down emotionally, I am happy. I am not depressed. Usually something has to get me angry or enraged. I like to write with my emotions. I have discovered since July 5th my blog stopped downloading. Yesterday I am determined. "I don't care what it takes. Take the time and get it fixed. Figure it the fuck out once again Colleen." Fucking song is pissing me off. "Take It To The Limit" my ass. I find out it's not a tech support site but a soliciting site to get me to spend more money to sign up for help for another club. More mother fucking marketing and I don't know where the issue really lye.

More wasted time and energy for an affiliate site that in order to get their service, I have to get this service to download. We wonder why I lose my shit at all the affiliate's? The hand off and blame if you lose it. If you use a swear word then I am out of line. I told this bitch "it is her job to handle angry customers who swear. It is her job to serve me, not tell me how to behave at their dis-service. That this is not customer service to tell me how to behave as an adult for being unhappy with your products that are your affiliate's and leave me holding the bag. Taking the time to figure out to get your service to work."

A lie it turned out to be. She told me the problem is on my end. I accepted that until she couldn't tell me what it was, but kept trying to get me to stop telling her I'm not paying for another program? I called you for help, not another mother fucking club. I asked for her manager? She went to the next program. I asked for tech support? she went to the next program. Her English which I did not mention. I mean any excuse to cut me off for my own racist behavior in all this bullshit marketing.

She had my number, was supposed to email me how I could fix this problem myself in one of two ways. I never received anything let alone a call back if we get disconnected. Which of course a flat screen cell phone against my cheek? Finally sign up to get another call back. This guy had no idea how I ended up with someone who tried to sale me a program. His name was Caesar and he was a dream. He got online with me, and he serviced me real good. Told me it was an error in the framework of a Microsoft Edge product. I had switched my information to Microsoft about a month ago when I got this laptop. Something so easy right? Not for me. Not so much. I have the worst luck. If something is going to go wrong it's going to be me. Especially in customer service and technology. Quite frankly any service. I am always wrong. It is amazing how the customer is always wrong today? Perhaps humanity is recyclable to these corporations after all?

Free Fallin' by Tom Petty
I asked Caesar, so when I get up in the morning, I can just turn on my computer and it will work? He said yes. I was so happy. Do you know why I put the time down this morning, because it took me this long of being bounced back to Microsoft service board. Getting caught up again. That virtual customer service, when it is a machine that is your server, it has to go has to go. Machines don't get to tell customers to fit in their guidelines and parameters. Kept asking me to re-frame my questions? I literally said, Tech Support. I got nowhere. Asked to repeat question.

For about the last two weeks I haven't been so re-active to my discoveries. Until about Wednesday July 5th it finally happened, the wind got knocked right out of my sails. I have felt a loss. Not so fulfilled anymore. For someone who was lost in the beginning and thankful to be found, I sure feel lost again. Numb most of the time. Each day I get up and somehow, I'm back at it. Working out and pushing myself. I either keep moving, or I crash once again. I do not care what these doctors say. I'm getting stronger come hell or high water.

Fuck this shit, back to John Denver. My Sweet Lady. It's on Shuffle. I like the T.V., I Quit, by TWAT. That's more like it. I need some emotion to keep me moving. Anger and rage is what I want. It just doesn't last long. Flash dance, that's how I feel some days. Like I just can't stop dancing. Some days its heavy funk, getting my dancing feet on. John Travolta Staying alive with, some Egyptian funk, my geriatric hips start twirling and shaking. My ass wiggles all day, it doesn't matter if I'm sitting down or lying down, they even rock in my sleep.

 This last week, I haven't felt like dancing. I just wanted to put my pack on. Pull my shoulders back and feel the weight. I wanted to push myself to the next level. Get to the next level of pain and hurt. I wanted to be in the sun, and sleep peacefully in the woods. I wanted to walk red rock road and sit at the circle.  It sits on the Hay Stack line and that TA sign. Here I seem to have the best moment's of communication's. This is where I wailed for my children's life down on my knee's. This is where I transitioned from Mother Nature's daughter to God's daughter.

Lady by LRB
I just wanted answers. I wanted it done. I had a trigger hair temper, and I knew it. I dared inside to be harassed. To be approached once again for literally walking peacefully. I only knocked on one door in two years. Sadly he thinks I'm the big bad wolf knocking at his door. I have no idea why I have this urge, to speak the Truth? Hell in the past even when I knew the truth inside of how I felt or knew. I did not speak. Why bother? Everyone is so wrapped up in themselves. They hurt worse than myself, they like to up the ante and compete for suffering, instead of just simply letting me speak, from finish to end, then I know no matter what you believe, I tried to tell the truth. I agreed to look crazy. I'm so done with carrying the load.

I Got A Name by J.C.
I had been feeling like a Other lately. Like what color am I now? It seems Faith is black. The Lakota is red. Mary being a lil' Jew would be brown. In the beginning I felt a lil' Tao so that would make me yellow. Then you tell me I'm the rainbow? That I represent, this planet and all it entails. Like that's not a hard pill to swallow? Yet after awhile I accept. I accept the Hindu, I accept I'm the rainbow, the pot of gold, as well as the milk and honey. I accept all that I represent. I accept my animal side. I accept my beasty side.

Somethin' I'm Good At by B.E.
I mean playfully so. I cannot not wait to play with my beasty side, all my beasty sides in that garden of Eden. That is the best part. I admit, the human side is still a bit fearful, yet my curious monkey, can't wait to play with my Kitty Kat. With permission of course. With God in all those dimensions, all those tribes, all those good fun lovin' hurts so good inside of me. Gotta string me along with that carrot stick somehow, because money and a man is not going to cut it this time. Been there done that and this time I want all of it. I want the passion, I want the drive, I want The Love, I want the beast, and most of all God I want the heart.

Far Behind by Candelbox
I want the Lion, I want that Great Big Monkey Man. I hope to God the Snake is a symbol of that Excalibur scenario I got a snap shot in my mind. Yeah, that's gonna be the good part. Just think their ain't nothing I can do about being God's little beasty? Who would want to? I just want the next part over with. Just do what you have to do to get me there. I don't care what it takes. Get me to that Garden of Eden, the right way, please. For once can something just be easy? Not so hard? If it is, can it please be the good kind of hard? Can we please get this over with? I know your setting me up for more downfall, more hurt, more pain. I just want this over with. Hurry up get me stronger. Take me down, and pick me up, just get this torture over with. Put me out of my misery already.

Something In The Way She Moves by JT
I had been wondering what color of a box would I check for my skin today? I mean thanks for the Identity Disorder. I had been thinking lately about how you brought me in as the little sister? I would not want to be the victim of that wrath. Being the little sister to that brother. One thing Kimmie and I always had was compassion and understanding for my brother and all he had went through. Finding that their was a record way back then on my uncle. Two other little boys were removed when my uncle tried to be a foster home. No one went back again. Yet it's okay to not bother to take a look when a little boy keeps running away? Make him take the pain and carry the blame. Make my brother pay for sins of thy father, thy brother from that garden. Just for being born. No, my brother didn't even have a wing and a prayer from the very start.

Wild Horses/New Kid In Town
It was as if my Uncle Marvin owned Todd. It was accepted and it was absurd beyond disbelief how everyone including the state turned a blind eye. Even locked him in juvie for years. No I wouldn't want to be the victim of just this lil' sister's rage.

Follow Me by UK
Then to be the daughter of all I went through with my father? Learning the Truth of why he suffered, and why he looked like the walking dead? The truth in knowing that this man chose to come back, to suffer just to be my father? The Truth in why he showed up with test question's about my heart in my dreams? My answer, for love. He just needs love. I didn't ask Jim for nothing, all he stole from me and the excuses. It is not okay. All because I saw the Truth and had compassion for all he had gone through. No I never tried to fix any man. They make their own choices. Why get in a relationship to fix? Support is one thing. Teamwork is plural. More than one. I gave it. They didn't. To busy looking at what I had and what I could provide. No being this daughter and the rage I feel over this? I wouldn't want to be on the other end of my rage.

Chain Reaction
Then God you brought me in as Sara. You made me feel things from Sara's perspective just being the daughter in hiding and all she had been through up to a point. I'm getting the Helen Of Troy spirit here. The symbolism and dishonor of what you did to another child, who had spirit.

Then God you brought me in as Mary. You made me feel Mary. You made me feel her broken heart. Her rage for what happened to her husband. No way would I want to feel the wrath of that wife's rage. Then you bring me in as the mother in the garden. Adam her heart, her love. The apple of her eye is coming back? On this rock, in this life? Then back to BABALON/BABYLON I go. I was sitting in the car, and it started to dawn on me, wait a minute, who am I again? You have switched me to all these women. Including, the upside of Hope, Faith, and Karma. Let's not forget about the down side. Freya, Her children. ISIS, His Children.

All Star and The Fighter
I had been feeling the last few day's like a shift in gears inside me. Like something a change is coming up inside once again. I was having flash backs of The Predator holding up my spine, and me saying "oh thank you, that feels so good. Now can you just dip it in some ice before you put it back?" I know take note God, I find out their really is a predator looking to rip the tree of life right out of me and my babies does not make me happy.

Gypsy and Let's Groove
I'm thinking about J.C. being jailed and the similarities? The commitment vs. the agreement? My spine, the finding of the Tree of Life in Revelations? Then my mind is getting flashes of J.C.'s flogging and my spine. The answer sinks in. You mean to tell me, the whoosh inside my mind, I'm the actual J.C. that hung on the cross? Your Son and His Tree of Life, why he took all he took, was me? Inside me it was silent. Like crickets. I should of known. I was numb. I have been numb, ever since. Hardly any reaction. I just keep moving, eating, sleeping, working out throughout the day. I no longer want to dance. It's one thing to carry Jesus Christ inside you, it is a whole new ball game to tell me I was actually Jesus Christ.

Can't Help Falling In Love by C.I.
I knew inside somehow, I have to deal with this. That the agreement I made goes that far back. I felt astonished and breathless. I mean when I looked up at God, A name God? I need a name? Who am I in all this? He said, Jesus Christ. I couldn't even get mad enough to call God an Asshole. I just haven't had it in me. The banter the jokes, the tears, the emotions, and all I had been through, in the discoveries alone in the last two years? My mind should of turned to flubber long ago. Standing out here moving amongst the suffering? Finding the Truth? Cursed or gifted? Tragic really.

Just Remember I Love You and Rocky Mountain High
I haven't felt myself inside ever since. I caught myself sitting in my over sized chair turning my head to the left and pushing my whole body back into the chair. Wanting to shrink and disappear. It started to dawn on me, OMFLG! I'm Jesus Christ and I just wrote this blog, this book, with child molestation, sex, swear words up the yin yang all the way up the line? This way and that? I'm Jesus Christ? This is the book? This is the Truth of what it's like to be Jesus Christ? The rebellion inside me is Jesus Christ determination and anger to walk through the pain again? That's a pair of shoe's I never wanted to fill.

It was the next day, I looked up and I said "thank you, I now I have a G.I.D. because of you. Not only do I have the burning bush, I now officially have a G.I.D. Never a S.T.D my whole life. Now you just made me have to ask myself, wait a minute, am I male or female now? Gender Identity Disorder, thanks allot."

Your Song and IF
I mean you always kept me on the female perspective side. I was happy on that side by the way. More than happy to stay on that side of the line. I guess, I got my answer once again to why am I the one standing under the men? The other shoe always has to drop with you.

Take MY Breath Away
That is the reason for that huge metaphysical dick I carried? It's actually Jesus Christ Dick? That is whose balls I carry when I said, I have your balls?" You present yourself as a male. You introduce me to my brother, my father, over and over, each relationship as the female. It started to dawn on me, their you go again. You keep repeating relationships. First the little sister with my brother and in the garden. Then my own father on this rock from this timezone and Jesus Christ Daughter Sara. Then your daughter, your creation. Then you represent me as the wife. Then you break it to me I am the wife of Jesus Christ by flashing me into a scene, I'm in white lingerie and a man with thorns leaning over me. Then I'm not only His wife but yours too? In bed in white lingerie with Big Daddy behind me, and I'm off, then I am out. Crying and running, I don't want to know. Then Abe, Moses, the rose, in my life and all around me the name of all these flowers? The women, here and there the names? The fruits of life?

Hotel California/Think A little Less
I had had no reaction once so ever. Waiting for me to just go off and lose my shit. I was changing, standing at the foot of my bed. All of a sudden I start yelling. Spinning stopping like a robot in all directions. The East, the South, the West and the North, I yelled, "Come on, please tell me I'm smarter than this? Please tell me that who I really am is smarter than this? How could I not know? How could I not know after all the times you have dropped the other shoe? From the very beginning the first words out of my mouth was Jesus Christ, Are you kidding me? I figure out it's my calling to speak to you truthfully for how I feel inside, but this?

To Think I used To Love You/Sara Smile
I still love you, Yes at times I feel like an ungrateful shit for all this glory and hand holding in the greatest love story ever written. I didn't know for how long it was actually J.C. who was feeding me and walking with me? Months it took me to figure out my swear words were my calling. So who am I calling now God? Myself? The gender issues between us in past lives, is something I don't even

Bad Bad Leroy Brown
want to know? Stop God, please the past lives and finding out I'm J.C.? It's that commitment I made, it's bad enough. I don't need a visual of you two as males, which turns out to be who? Me? I can't get past Michael the Arch Angel sticks close to God? The John's are by J.C. in all those books, a John close by. No God, my fear is your going to up the ante by finding out that I am God and you have been back inside me all along? I want you to be the King, inside Him. Kyle. He is going to need you as God more than I am at that moment. I might be smaller God, but I can handle more pain. I have been the one who walked through all these dimensions not him. He's going to need you more than I will at that time. Of course the girl's God.

I'm Comin' Over/Where Do Broken Hearts Go?
They go home God. Broken hearts go home. I think it was the next day, this is my favorite part, it's sad because it didn't even cheer me up for very long. Bless his heart anyway. I know I have to deal as honestly with my emotions no matter what they are in order to get through this. Even if I feel like the heel at times, a complete jackass at other times.

Life After You by Daughtery
Honesty is the best policy for any successful relationship. Finding out my husband is God, no matter what I do nor think, I know for certain their ain't nothing inside me he doesn't know. He gave me him to be honest and get it all out. Even my beasty side. My angry throat grabbing side of me. Out of all the times I have had my throat grabbed now by four different men, it's incredible still to me the first thing I did as a reaction was to go right for the throat? Talk about a beasty test.

I took a break from trying to get my blog to connect to the server at the library. Not even the guy with a laptop next to me could do it.

Baby Goes Bang/Can't Find My Way Home
Standing in the parking lot smoking, dancing, stretching like I do. I never stand still. I can't sit still unless I'm ready to curl up and wind down on my heating pad. Curl up and crash. It started to Dawn on me past conversations I have had with past people? Talk about a wide river of denial? Needing to take a look in the mirror? One finger up, three fingers down? Reading in Revelations and Liber 49, blind? Yes, I am now blind as a bat. I have broke two pair of reading glasses in the last week.

Slide/Go Your Own Way
Both pairs, just came to me for free, the right reading number just in the brink of time. I broke the ones with three diamond gem stones on the corners while camping my first night. No I had no back up. This was my last pair. Look what turns up the next day just my size and numbers? A pair of reading glasses that Gary found on the ground. Told me I could have them and they weren't to wide. Yes, I had a happy feet moment. I lil' thank you upstairs my own way.

Lost In Love/I Like The Sound Of That
Off base Colleen. I said to Lisa about Clarissa and her outburst, "boy that one is buried deep. She doesn't even know who she represents or what she's screaming about? She screams at night and in the phone at her mother, "tell Mary and Jesus, I hate them". Then I got a couple more pictures about people screaming J.C. around me. How I have just let you lead me along? You being the Shepherd to the misguided such as myself. How I don't really ask, I let you tell me who I am before I go through any acceptance. I keep that person or being off to the side until they keep coming up and I have verification, a proof of life. That Blind Faith I carry inside me, trust in you to lead? Look where it lead me? Back to me, and you. Yes I am hooked God. Hook line and sinker you got me.

Carry On Wayward Son/Can You Feel My Love Tonight
Then I lose my shit. It started to Dawn on me. "OH MY God!!!! You Just played the biggest April Fools Joke on your own wife. I'm not the fool of the Universe? I'm not the laughing stock? Yet hear I am. I am the biggest fool in the universe after all. That at times why I feel like all eyes are on me, when I lose my shit, or I realize just how naive and gullible I really am?  Like how did I not see that coming? The comedians are going to have a hey day with this one. Talk about a roast? That is why I would get a feeling every now and then, hey, watch her lose her shit at this discovery? Wait until she finds out the truth of this? Watch her.....and their she goes"

It sunk in all the nicknames, another play on the fool. "I kind of choked and laughed when I realized this. I said, "well played. Touche'! You must like your nickname, ASSHOLE! I haven't even called you that in like two week's. Well not hardly."

Always A Woman/Under The Boardwalk
What you miss it? Not getting much of a re-action out of me lately?" Then the open palm, all I wanted to do was go home and get more answers, to get me to the next step. Just like I do every time I go back, to heavens gates. It started to dawn on me walking around the woods and trails taking pictures, how long it took me to fully comprehend what being a seer means? What it feels like? Why in the beginning one connection over the phone, and I would start flashing on the spot. I had no idea what it meant or what was happening to me? I would flash heavy with him at first, well after a conversation, then it started the flashes with him that evening at the red rock. I wasn't even aware I was doing it until after again. Up until about a week ago I finally started to fully comprehend what being a seer feels like? A heart seer anyway. Would of been nice to know some of this in the beginning. I mean Jesus Christ which turn's out to me, got forty day's and night's in a desert.

I laughed last night understanding how he survived. How you fed him in your own way all along. Just like you did me and still do today. I get fifty years, blind faith, clueless at that? Talk about unfair and well played. No wonder you felt so familiar at that touch?

Peace Train/I Want to Know What Love Is
I mean the whole druid thing took me how many times going back around, and until I saw him asleep in the Sorcerers Stone and my dreams? That Druids still work. The name Tim Ellis on a druids name in the beginning. My first boyfriend ninth grade. He cheated. First broken heart.

Nothin' Like You/If You Could Read My Mind
Then seeing that black snake sitting at the black pit for two days in the beginning of October 2016, obviously watching for me. Their is another seer in the locale'? Let it watch me. Let it hear every word. Let it know here I am. I'm still here. Anytime you want to rear your ugly head, whatever the fuck you are. I am right here. I am ready at the helm. As long as you are there. I am here.

Still it took me awhile actually about two weeks ago. The dark witchcraft behind that one. The name of the Hotel across the way. The reason for seeing the whatever those people were in that pit in the woods, with Adam and Eve each tied to some kind of post. All Adam can do is watch what is being done to Eve.

Body Like A Back Road/Smoke Break
Pretty horrifying and no I don't want to see no more. I figured out my other five God? It began for me on this rock this time in Renton, the number five. You better get me to Camelot in the end that's all I got to say. So it ends in a five once again? I started rinsing that truck stop with river water and saying The Lords Prayer in 2015. Another five, with a ten back. Yeah I see the upside. I still don't care God. It's still not enough. Not this time, it's not enough. You can't even yank my chain and piss me off for very long anymore. You can't make me laugh for very long anymore. Even if out of all the beings I have met, Robin Williams was the best gift still after all this. Even the timing, superb and beautifully timed.

It's Been Awhile/Rhiannon
Nope, even if the good old United States of America still say's the services we receive in the United States in America is good enough. Not according to my standards they are not. This is not freedom. If I am your wife, you want me to speak for you, then let's move this along. Burned out and tired of being fed up, being fed all the bullshit lies and excuses. You get me off this ride.

Sunshine On My Shoulders/Me and U and a Dog Named Blue
I'm tired of being strung along. I'm tired of all the injustice. I'm tired of the burdens and having my hands tied. I'm tired of all the discoveries of Truth and well the Jesus Christ Truth about did me in inside, I did not want to know that. I did not want to see things from Jesus Christ perspective. Now God Dammit, I have no idea how to be Jesus Christ, or still how you expect me to comprehend this?

Right Here Waiting/The Best Of My Love
I went off Wednesday night. Just sitting in my chair. Yelling this is insane. This is insane, This is insane. (my left hand doing chopping signs) How do I comprehend this? How am I supposed to feel about this? What am I supposed to do with this? How can I not future trip?

Then last night how am I supposed to tell another human being, "oh no, I'm Jesus Christ, your God?" Insane. If I can't comprehend this after two years myself, just knowing full well you were gonna pull this shit? I can't comprehend the insanity of this. I can't comprehend the insanity of my words. At the moment, I'm not sure if they are His Words, JC's word's or my own, as a wife and mother. here nor there, are you flocking kidding me? For once in my life God, I don't even know what to do with this. I'll stand by you. Whatever that may be. I know full well, I'm not done kicking and screaming, or else, I wouldn't still be out here. So get it over with, I hate to ask once more, how much worse can this possibly get? I'm not gonna get my answers until I put some declaration in writing out there.

I was thinking this morning, I once believed in Soul Mates. I was hoping for a soul mate once upon a time. I lost hope of that dream a long time ago. Finding your true love and best friend. Keep the knight in shining armor. Keep the white horse. Just feed me the good love, with no strings attached for once in my life.

I Just Wanna Stop
I just want off this train wreck. Get me out of this box. Stop making me live with a man I do not love. I know how ungrateful of me to say that out loud. Truth is Michael is not going to like himself when he finds out. Just get this shit off me and take it back.

P.S.
I still love you, a lil' bit.