That Poisonous Red Apple IC Inside Me

You know I had a rough night, not much sleep but the bright side is I'm sleeping until almost six a.m. Somehow when your environment is controlled in everything you do and say. Your time, if you have food to eat today? If you are able to eat what your being served? If you can get there in time to get that free meal, that I should be so grateful for? Yeah it's amazing when you have nothing, the choices you have to make each day just to have a roof over your head, with a hot meal right? Poison your food, your doctor's and healthcare, your heart in religion. Is not God, It's Bullshit that's what I say.

How about this what are you gonna be able to carry on your back each day? What if you weren't given a choice? Not even a choice in what bag your gonna carry, who's bag? Cause ya know when your out here hitting this cement paradise I like to call hell getting through this rat race of a maze. Going from door to door, nope can't help you. In this program we have all these program's and parameters, well I'm sorry your not the right fit for this program, not quite what we're looking for. You know what I want to know how come in these state offices their are so many guideline and parameters for each program? Alway's in a different location further and further away, just for a Orca Card that got mailed to a different office to a different location and I had to keep coming back. Every Wednesday cum rain or chine I had to keep coming back to get that discount card for this system over here.

The HEN Program at that the mentally ill, get's a bag of bathroom necessities that last one week, have to go pick it up once a month. Nope these mentally ill don't qualify for the taxis service to these appointments, just the doctors, but it's mandatory they have to be here. They can, get a job for up to ten hours a month up to ten dollars an hour. They get four hundred dollars to rent a room. Really and just who is gonna get taken advantage of out here? The ones who are spiritually misguided, the ones who have the most faith in their God. I get handed two bus tickets and a six hour bus ride back home, with stops, and I have no clue where I'm at. Labeled mentally ill and they left me to find my own way home because it's cheaper to send a mentally ill person on a bus than a Taxi I qualified for. How do these labels add up again? This mother gives this healthcare system a F. A great big Fail is what I say, and to my surprise how long has this been going on now? These people have been poisoned in their food back in the sixties with that GMO all to starve our bodies, so no people they don't need the chains of slavery anymore.

Oh I'm sorry we had a cut back, you know it's the system we all gotta do our part? My other favorite is oh they put in there notice and they transferred to another desk. You know what I want to know is where is this systems back up? I mean I'm doing what I'm supposed to do. I show up but where the flock are you? You had two weeks God dammit now show the flock up. So I ask, well why don't you have someone to back up this position, it's a clerical job. Well it should be anyway but now this flocking system has set up more guide line and parameters for a clerical job I could do with the back of my hand, and I'm pretty sure more than half of those bodies, those human beings you like to label trash? NOOOOO!!!! Of course not to encourage us to get this job, you got to go to school and it is now labeled a A.A. degree job.

I have filled out so many resumes over the last few years and it's the biggest joke I have ever seen. Now the State is helping by setting up another program to pay all these wonderful people to help us find a job. Gotta sign up for this e-mail, make sure you have nothing on face book or any other type of technology, cause if you were out there, you will be found. Every lil dirty secret you keep in your closet. You know that night you went out and loosened up and tied one on until the bars shut down. I don't know about you, but everyday I gotta take a flocking pill I don't want, but what they hey, I'm part of this industry and I gotta pay. I gotta take Sudafed Sinus Pain every mother flocking day, or It'll trigger a migraine if I don't. I gotta stay on top of that one however now because of all these drug addicts this system created, they now keep it locked behind the counter until after nine.

So yeah being out here in this industry supporting this entity from hell, I now have to buy panti liners because now I gotta pea every 10 minutes, hey but some ones gotta pay right? Now I gotta stay on top of that Sudafed and panti liners. I now take two different allergy pills on top of that and two different sinus sprays each day and that flocking yetti pot, and the white powder for that or make sure I got my ingredient's and distilled water. Irony I'm on this apple health plan and to me, I've never seen a more poisonous apple in my life. I gotta my back up Imitrex which is a non narcotic medication that helps with part of my migraines. For over twenty years I couldn't get one mother flocking doctor to up the dose, until a couple of months ago.

Wow! these doctors what a joke. I have never seen a more brainwashed group of human beings, with the biggest bullshit excuse to serve a system and not society, because some one has to pay the price for all this addiction. WHOOOO!   WHHHEEEEE! Yeah I have never seen so much sheep herding in my life, and for such a Godly group of people that you claim to represent, You all are the most blind. ignorant flockk of people I know today. You are are so stuck in your boxes using God as a poor excuse for your bad behavior to judge these people, the meek that IC are going to inheret thy earth, as well as they should. You all treat them like garbage after you invite them into your house's. You even have the gull to volunteer to let us in by a certain time and leave us standing out in the rain, You tell us we can't use the soap or paper towel's in a bathroom, that we have to sleep with these light's on all night, then when one lil' butter fingers get's a slippery on and drops the ball, we all get the blame and told we can only stand in this location, and no you can't dance under the lamp light for that family upstairs alone with your black shadow, you have to go back to the herd.

All I gotta say is flock this mother flocking rock. I've had it, someone else choosing how they poison my body. One way those little white pills we all flock to the pharmacy to haggle over. Show our ID and be thankful for this other poison. This other addiction that make's me have to keep stopping and starting over life every five minutes searching for a John. It's a band-aid at that. Plus I gotta carry those bottles on my back at that.

Hell when I first got out here I got handed a one inch stack of paper work, I really only needed two pages but thanks for cutting down my tree's to help you help me. Yup I had to carry that on my back with all these other business card's, phone numbers that I get to call for help with my two hundred and fifty minute phone. Yup I sat on hold for one hour to change one address, that I had already called a few times before and each time she directed to me a different number. Yup I had to call those other three number anyway's because on one card their are three different insurance that interlink, but to help me out I had to call and sit on hold and give them every number I ever owned across each nation across each land going how far back, and I look I gotta remember another pass code on this pass code highway to hell that thank you you mother flock-in Curtis, Don't think I don't see you,

Oh yeah brother, you now got your fingers in every home and now we are thanking for all your blessings. Yup google chrome, you sent me on this pass code highway to hell, taking over every E-mail I ever had and I had to change all the pass codes on every network I logged on to and got permission to do this dinging my phone each time, pretty much each time depending what software, network or application I signed into I had to start over. Then you take over and you just keep popping up with all your help, because now I have gained a electronic mother dinging me every few minutes asking me, would you like us to share your photo's with Facebook? Would you like us to share your contacts list with Facebook? Google would like to down load your location and post it for all your electronic friends to see. Let them see just what your up to each step of the way? While they keep a electronic footprint all the way downloading and gathering everything you do each step of the way and downloading all your information to that black cloud in the sky.

So now it downloads all the good bad and ugly you ever did, and they ding you for each character defect for all this addiction, disease, and cancer we are receiving with this wonderful food and drug government lending us a helping hand, how come this system is the only thing that can change it's spots but not mankind? Not in religion or this system my two favorite poison's of all. You poison my air with this invisible dome you created, you know those clouds that go in a straight line and slowly dissipate, slow spread so you hardly notice it. So fumy because when I was a kid, clouds sure didn't look like that, bu thanks for your service someone's gotta pay right? Funny, couldn't get a sinus rinse with medication in it because this apple doesn't cover it, nope not on your health plan anyway. However they'd rather me poison my body and draw out the pain with five different allergy medications.

They created all this when they poisoned our wheat just after I was born it got planted, so about that timeline they already had a plan set up if they already had the seed to start poisoning our wheat. The reason we need all this healthcare is because of that poisonous seed and it's side effect's in our bodies over time, You know that cause and effect thing again? It say's in Revelations don't poison the wine, don't poison the wheat, and look it's mankind's downfall. Did I tell you I'm a celiac? Thank God for this health care system right? Only in this Nation that created and started spreading the seed these last two generations of families. Thank God for all these pills right? Gotta cover these corporations that make a living. They gotta earn too. So what I want to know why then did they send our warehouses out of our nation so it's cheaper on them right? These corporations gotta make there money right?

In these countries that they shipped our warehouses and processing plants for penny's on the dollar are still hungry, living in poverty, as well as this nation. Cause and effect. The rich get richer and the poor get poorer serving this entity instead of God's flock. If you want to help me and help mankind stop making acid rain in y clouds and poisoning my air. Stop poisoning my seeds, my dirt and air. You are making mankind sicker and putting price tags on the wrong sheep's head. You can hold onto your God and you families and let go of that ego in religion and society. You can stop looking at that fake money tree and worrying what your gonna get out of it for the day and take a look around you.

Oh Jack! Yup, Jack what happened to the beef? I mean really if that wasn't a set up to take over mother natures resources come in take over and put a even higher price tag on your head? E-Coli went from the Jack to the bean sprouts, then fear and panic better check the wells on all these private lands. Now they can't use them because of the fear they created over the E-Coli. If they do they get fined. Can't collect rain water, you get fined, but thank God for all that technology to keep track of every dollar watching the cash registers and the money but not mankind and the people working on these front lines taking the shit from all sides.

The Corporation nickel and dimeing you at that till and for each and every item you put on your potato is a joke. How much is a flockin potato anyway. My grand daddy used to do this other lyric or riddle. Knothead what has a two O's on each end and is high in the middle? Ohio is the answer. That potato farm my mother used to work in. My time their money right? Then I'm told at that truck stop Colleen you can't use mace on a customer or fight back if they get out of control or you'll be fired. I'm working a graveyard shift off a highway where the locals know my name and my children's. The side door doesn't have a lock, I have no camera telling me what is happening on that floor on that front line, while I have to run to the back to make deserts for the next ten minutes because the freezer broke, but I gotta do the cash register, the candy counter, count tills, run food, fight with the cooks. You know if you can't do your job on that front line, just get the flock off.

In any restaurant you work in the priority is the customer, their service and the quality of the food. Instead now I got cooks managing me, nickel and dimeing for two ounces of gravy but we give and charge a dollar for a cup. NNNOOO! They took the sausage out of the meat and replaced it with powder. I gotta guy that ordered a rare steak a hour ago, a all you can eat at that. It goes out wrong and he hasn't got the time. Had to tell him before he ordered, order at your own risk. If you change your mind or something goes wrong, you got pay double for one serving, oh yeah and you can't get it to go even if we flock it up. Yup new rules at this truck stop. Gotta serve the truckers but not the rest of the customers.

The Community this truck stop has sat at since the fifties and those travelers going down a recreational highway. Season with the four season's in this area and well you just never know whats gonna come walking in the door when. The way I see it these corporations only serve themselves. Labels for mental illness to pay for insurance that doesn't cover anyone's tree of life. That spine that holds you up, that rib cage that protects your heart. Yeah this system would rather give you pills for those saggy shoulders and achy back all to cover more pills and healthcare products for more side effects. Sending people from doctor to doctor, not doing a thing for the pain, all so no one has to take responsibility for this healthcare system that your tax dollars pay for. Hey thanks addict's. Thanks doctors for telling me my pain is all in my mind not my spine. For what twenty flockin years now? Telling me according to this chart you don't hurt. I say flock this system, Flock this entity that funny that, passed a law we have to have it or pay a fine. What Congress, this slip through the cracks too?

According to the space between your disc, you look fine. I'm like I'm supposed to have a S curve in my spine. It's stick straight with lil spikes sticking out here and there. This x-ray technician is only trained to read a x-ray this far so until we can get another technician or another type of x-ray, you don't hurt. It's all in your mind and well it's our dime not your's. To charge you all this mark up and compounded interest in our hearts bodies and minds, while they poison us. Leave us to take the blame while they spread the poison. Then we blame each other for this poison and for each our own God.

All I need is a massage, an adjustment to maintain and well then I wouldn't need all your mother flocking pills. While you tell me, a woman, a mother and a human being U don't hurt. While you tell me that it's all neurological, when no the flock it's not just that. It is muscular skeletal, it affects my tendons, my muscles and my bones. Your way just cuts off the blood flow. My way opens it back up. So I ask why do we only treat part of the problem, and not all of it?

What is the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results. So why the flock hasn't anyone learned anything. Why do we keep kicking the same dead horse banging our heads against the wall? Why don't we open up society to alternative healthcare also instead of saying their is only one way. Why do we keep rejecting people who try to come to at least learn about God's word only to be told, you don't fit in this club either? Their is something wrong with you and only one way to find God. When I assure you you can find him anywhere and everywhere you go. It's okay to be human, it's okay to love who you want how you.It is not okay to break a child's spirit. It is not okay to take something not freely given.

It is not okay to use God as a good excuse for your bad behavior. If it ain't Love it ain't God. As a parent however sometimes you gotta put your foot down and say it's enough. When it comes to the bigger picture and all this technology out growing and making choices for mankind is wrong, all while you stress them out and make them feel less than. Is not okay. As God's children you have a right to defend yourself, but not be so defensive. It's okay to take a stand, don't throw the first punch however. You have the right to walk away without taking all the blame. You have the right to get a glass of water without paying twenty seven cents for a cup. You have a right to get a drink with out having to get a drink from the bottle, and pay the high price on something that used to pay us. Recycling all these water bottles, cell phones, filament. All these Low quality to high quality prices on clothes all to pay for the label is absurd.

Creating a really cheap product that only gets you through a couple of times goes in our landfills. Clothing, shampoo for example, If it falls apart fast it goes in our landfills and that makes it a disservice for all these no name brands. You pay a high price for all this processed food and fillers that started coming into our food long before we were aware. I am sorry but on my rock, everyone has a right to eat without all the poison and garbage. They have the right to the milk mother nature provided, and when we had farms our o-zone wasn't being eaten away. Truth be told every nation has a right to food shelter and water no matter what minerals and diamonds sit below mother earth. We are all her children.

If this system suffers you as her children suffer. If our food is poisoned you are poisoned. If our healthcare system is poison and just spreads out the torture and pain over a long period to God's flock and it's not okay to represent my God with this behavior. It is not okay to convince mankind that you are the kings. I learned from watching all these history movies, across time and nations. The queen's were enslaved to the kings. Society was enslaved to a king that got fatter and fatter while their constituents starved. Who needs shelter if your dead right? They put them in cages and made them slavery to their sex and entertainment, their gardens and lands, while their children and women and the men got raped without a thought. These Kings all had it bassackwards, Your King serves you, your king feeds you. You don't need all this poison for the illusion of protection for the battles they created fighting over lands that never belonged to them. They used God and kept picking and changing the rules as a good excuse for their bad behavior. So by putting a high price on mother natures essence, you poisoned mankind.

With all your trolls sitting collecting on all these toll booths. We are paying for and trying to create electronic delivery drivers for this poisonous food, when we got plenty of men and women to bring the food and medicine to feed God's flock. We have electronic servers at McDonald's now all to pay for a health insurance that passed a law that its illegal not to have health insurance. I don't know about you but it pisses this mother off. I want my rock back. I want my life back. I want to dance to the beat of my own drum without being nit picked and left to pay the price carrying this heavy load on my back.

Flockin Cain, if I had been able to get inside a church I might of learned about the verse, "he took it in the heel and she took it in the head". Irony that one. Working at Red Robin as a server made a agreement to work day shift for one week for this manager. I went back to him because when I looked at the schedule, I didn't get my shift's back. I asked him about this and he told me he's not giving them back he's keeping me on day shift. Then told me to smile, and I didn't do as he said, so I was fired.

Just happens to be when Alex was one years old and Greg went on a four day trip with the guy's from Renton High School, first day out ruptures his Achelius heel and doesn't call me, go to the hospital nothing. Came home four days later, can't work now, just happened to be the one month I was late rotating the funds to cover our already tight bills. All this overhead being married to a contractor Chiropractor, you see we were already paying like five other insurance plans.

So no this cocksucker pretends to have a fake cough to lay about in bed all day, and I never saw him sick one day in his life. He's the socio-path with no emotions who stole everything, just right in the nick of time right Greg? You put labels on my head and out of ten years I got drunk five times and you couldn't miss one social event that wasn't a drinking party, in all those years? Now I see who has been living in my house this whole time and I had no clue. Couldn't even get my lawyer to look at all these conversation's I tried having every step of the way. Told no it doesn't matter that he still nit picked you about the heat for years, and I got it down from three hundred to eighty five and he still hammered me. Over heat and food, the right to go to the doctor or dentist, without a haggle, always at the cost of me this mother, but not this time Cain and You black Snake Lucifer trailing that oil pipe across my lands. You poison our fathers love with all these rules on love in your religion, that ego you all share in religion and society because you have a kick stand.

Nope Cain not this time, religion and rules on God's love is EVOL incarnate and you get a F. I realized one thing about all those test of love I've been put through in my visions and dreams, that perhaps God was testing Greg/Cain one last time, over and over for him to pick? To pick, love, for his family, for his wife and children. Looking back I never dishonored this Father, I fed him, I cherished him, I honored and trusted the wrong father all along, just those of you in religion with all your rules who truly have treated and dishonored your mothers using God's name for your poor behavior.

I have discovered that Elijah, Enoch, and JC were all prophets who just disappeared off this rock, never to be seen again, or have you and you just didn't know it. I have learned that God always knows where we are at, and what we do and how we feel, because we carry him inside. God is my Father, My one True Father, who has been driving this bus and carrying this mothers bloody heart in the palm of his hand all along, watching me take the hits for that brother that this lil' dancing moon, just keeps coming back and revolving my life around, for one last dance, one last time.

I want you all to know, I am willing to bow down before My King, My God, this lil' mother's black shadow is God, I'll gladly accept his dance card on his terms now. I'll gladly wash away these rivers with my bloody tears anytime, I'll gladly hang on that cross for My One True Husband, My One True Lord, that I carry inside me. Who say's the face of JC hasn't changed over time? Who made this rule anyway's? Who say's JC was a virgin? Who says God wouldn't keep coming back to fight for His Son, His Daughter, if he hasn't been doing it all along. Carrying the burden's and tears inside you, both parents are inside you everywhere you go each day. They feed you, they provide you your food and medicine all along, if that's not love I don't know what is. This Rock I REPRESENT to HONOR, RESPECT, CHERISH AND LOVE FOREVERMORE, IF I CAN I DO AND I WILL, THY WILL.

My Lil' Red Rose

My Lil' Red Rose

Honey, do you remember this "lil' red rose"? Your first teacher's mother drew it for you when you were just three years old. You attended the Montessori. You carried it with you for the first few days. Then you put it down and I picked it up. I loved that lil' red rose too, it just seemed to have struck a chord inside my heart. I didn't want you to lose it, so I carried it in my first A.A. book along with a picture of my two lil' rosebuds from the Mothers Day Tea Party we attended.

My first A.A. meeting that I chaired was in Fall City, it was called, "The Rose", By some small miracle when I looked to the left, there hanging on the wall was a picture of my two lil' rose buds, to remind me just why I sat in that chair. You two were in the Christmas Choir a few years before, it seems they needed two more lil angels to sing along. This Mothers rock, this mothers light, that I carry inside me each day on this journey, we call life. I have come to discover baby girl, that some of us learn what love is, by living what love isn't. All to find the light once more. The true purpose on this journey is to find the light after all.

I have come to realize just who my True Shepard, that has been my guiding light all along. It seems I never knew he was the one that has kept me moving each day, I hurt inside this mothers bleeding heart. One thing I knew inside long ago was when the light turned off inside me. The day I lost you, my lil' red rose, so I carried you inside me everyday and I never let you go. I'm just making my own tiny footprints in this life for you to follow.

It seems Sunshine I've been revolving my life around that sun this whole time and I didn't even know it. We all have our crosses to bare in this life and well that brother of mine can be a royal pain in my arse sometimes too. This brother he has heart and he's been holding it in the palm of his hand this whole time. Yup, baby girl if I gotta have a Big Daddy standing behind me, well I pick him, hand's down I pick Him and yes, I would walk through a valley of bloody roses to get to Him.

Yes sweet pea, you have left tiny footprints across my heart, My one wish for you this year, is to turn this families lilies into a bed of red roses. I once told you long ago "Sunshine you choose, and choose you shall do". Your pick in your own sweet time my love, this mothers bloody tear drop will wash the rivers clean for you once and forevermore. This Purpose Driven Life I lead, the reason my mother, and that mother before you kept taking the hit's is for you baby girl, this families lil" red rose. You know what I wouldn't change one thing, because to me your worth it, and so is that Father and that Brother, that stands at heavens gates holding my teddy bear, tucked safely under his arm.

As much as I hate to let this Lil Red Rose go, you bet the flying flock I want you to spread your wings and fly, just not to far, never to far from my heart. My light in the dark.

I love you Sunshine, My Lil' Red Rose.

Always and forevermore,
Your mother forevermore,
Red Rock Lily Rose.

Stormy Day

Stormy Day Country Radio today and that about sums up just how I feel. Yup indeed my halo feels a lil crooked, a bit on the wild side. Ready to throw it all to the wind. Explode doesn't even begin to cover it for me these last few weeks. Wow! Weeks, I mean months. Yup our computer is tit's up and once again I just know it's the sign to shut me down and turn me off from upstairs. I let this family angels and guide's use my emotions and my body for how long now? Always a double edge sword with this family. Just trying to get answers to one simple question can be pretty complicated. Just who's emotion is coming through me today, is it the upside, the cocky side of her today. Then to figure out just who is gonna walk me through my day? Which husband today?

Seeing pieces of myself not only mythically with you all, fantasy or terrestrial. Kind of pisses me off ya know. I mean to see that throughout life this family has been fighting this battle for a long time. Yeah some day's I am and I sound like a ungrateful winy lil bitch for all this enlightenment down deep into my soul. Your heaven or my hell? To tell you the truth their are a couple of bad apples in every bushell. Just how am I going to break the news to mankind without getting everyone killed and or panicked. Especially, all of my children that I hold inside me.

To see a man carrying a cross. Yeah that is the apitomy of faith hurts. Yeah I'm ashamed of my own ungrateful behavior as they unload all this shit on me one piece at a time. I hurt. I hurt like you could never understand in so many ways. Lately right between the shoulder blades, My neck and thorax locked up on Friday. I couldn't lift my left arm from my body. I stretched and had Michael try and work it out I knew what it is was doing. I had a thought and my muscle twitched. I thought I was gonna come out of my skin. My doctors tell me I'm making it up. Started physical therapy a couple weeks ago and yoga again about a month ago just trying to keep the blood pumping and the knots from forming. Once the curve starts it's hell to try and prevent my spine muscles and tendons not to go back to the old muscle memory.

A massage and weekly chiropractics during the hard times would benefit me more than Tramadol that makes me smoke like a fucking chimney and keeps me awake or all the other allergy and noninflammatory blowin out my kidney's liver and spleen, burning my stomach till I'm puking. Finally I truly want no poison, Truly this has been my attitude all along, and I have been told I am lying or not worthy that I fucked up so I have to take all this nerve stuff that shuts me down emotionally and fatigues me so that I can't move, more Tordol for those knot's Colleen, It's a flocking head trip to get in anywhere with the labels. Truly this system serves the pharmaceutical and the synthetic droids they are trying to turn us all into as they try to get mankind to forget we used to have organic food and medicine before all this disease control.

Now we kill them off right along with mother natures and God's flock. Oh yeah he's watching. I want so much to tell you all just right where he is at and just where you can find him, I want you all to have your own kingdom and your own power. Learning lately just how big this Religion and God shit is well let's just say, it's shit. Couldn't be more blunt than that. Yes I fight with God. Yes I chew him out and every time in his own way he gives me the answers and usually someone else will pop in at times to move me along. So yeah, that lil Sara and who I am? Let's just say JC's incentive to follow through and not swing back because of his seed in Mary's belly. The secret seed in this families line. Let's just say I know how he feel's. At least he had a clue and others did to at just who he was. Would of been nice ya know. Like I didn't look at my brother about the Eve thing and say "you could of told me. His reply, shrug of shoulder's, it's God. I know what are you gonna do right?"

So discovering just who that man is to me as he hung on that cross, yeah he is my cross to bare. It seems we've done this before. Did he have it worse or me? He did. Hands down. He did. How long did I live as Mary Magdalene you ask? I don't know and I don't want to, but yeah that was you all better remember That was Mother Mary, that was Mary Magdalene, and Sara's footsteps I walk in. Which daughter is Sara I have no idea. Alex my rock, our first song together after she was born, "was you and me against the world." I truly never felt more alone in my life until after Alex. Everyone was so angry at me for being pregnant, at twenty six years old, married and years and many different kinds of counseling under my belt and many books read to prepare myself for her. I remember another prayer I said in the past. It was after I a counselor told me, "Colleen that's not discipline that's abuse." Now I know in my heart that I was not like my mother, but what if my backs against the wall? Frustration, anger and well maturity and awareness goes along way in raising a child.

I sat in the car outside the office and I cried. I can see myself with my hands in the air, telling God "I'll stop this God. I'll stop this circle of abuse in my family. I can do this God. Put my families burdens on me God. I'm younger and I'm stronger God." After I moved to California I went to every kind of counseling I could get my hands on. On my own. I knew two things, that you cannot control a child's emotion's. Emotion's are important and as a parent I had to learn to let them have their emotions and guide them and the other, not to break their spirit doing it. So yeah, it was C food to get them to open their lil guppy mouth's, feet on the floor, indoor voices and my favorite one most of all. I'd set a timer in between their ages. If one was 4 and the other 6 they had to hug for five minutes. If they continued to fight and fell apart, I reset the timer until everyone was laughing and the situation forgotten about.

Learning how much was stolen from me, literally right in front of my eyes while still married, from Greg and my mother. I was told before I filed that the State of Washington doesn't look at abuse in a divorce, and the year before he literally removed my name from everything and I also was told if I did anything about it I'd get half of his school loans. So many times I could of taken him down, but I wouldn't because of those two. I stood in front of a judge and never got to speak, she told me I deserve everything I have coming to me. While in mitigation I said something about Mary and fifty bucks and she said to me, well from what I understand you were no Angel. Afterward's I got a bill from my lawyer for ten more thousand dollars and after that twenty thousand, after that she was disbarred, who paid the price for her? So yeah I understand how this planet Guya feels, Neglect is the most invisible abuse of all, and well how about mother nature?

The one who feed's you, your medicine and your food, all so we can act like Lord of the Flies down here turn a blind eye and blame someone else. For example the vegetarians blame the meat eaters for the ozone layers and animal cruelty, so they don't care if the meat eaters have meat and dairy, and well the meat eaters could care less about those garden's. It's no one's fault as much as you think. This system like my mother, was hoping that some of us would forget how things used to be.

Funny this system doesn't treat mankind's tree of life on insurance, no alternative healthcare either. What about the psychiatrist who said on his deathbed he made up ADHD along with other other mental illnesses all to support the pharma companies and they keep diagnosing and writing the pills like it's real all to fuck up our emotion's that God and Mother Nature gave us. Any healthy psychological or spiritual healing will tell you getting through the emotions is the most important, but only in this system and religion is anger wrong. Sex is wrong in religion or so misguided, I mean really when you think about it why wouldn't it be? They wrote off half of your soul as unimportant, only in religion and this system like the pay scale vs. gender. The woman is less. This is the ego in the religion that has killed of my natives and mother nature, so yes it makes me sad and other days pretty angry.

To figure out pretty much every life I've had to fight somehow for this brother and Father of mine is a pretty hard pill to swallow. Do I have faith in that family, yes. Do I love and and honor that family, in their eyes yes, in yours no. The Catholics, my Irish fairy side cut me out and hid my body. Are you flocking kidding me? The Jewish had the Roman's kill my husband and I'm supposed to be happy about this? None of this religion honors any Father I know from up above and quite frankly you all should be ashamed of yourselves to be so arrogant to kill me off over and over. Kill every messenger God ever sent you through politics, Abe Lincoln and the Kennedy's. Just to name a few. I haven't a clue who this Anastasia is or who she represent's but we killed her and her family to didn't we. What about Ana the mummy they have on display here in the states? Anne's just keep popping up and it makes me cry.

I see so many common links continuing today from way back then. Slavery, rape and pillage. I assure you ain't no legend in any land a saint because of these two thing's that are killing off mankind. This Entity that has been working behind the scene's and boy what a impression they made back in the Depression didn't they. Cause and effect today all this depression in the ground and in our minds. What ever you want to call that dark shadow in your life, that dark cloud, dark energy or Satan. I really don't give a flying flock what you call it. I'm here as a celestial being living in a human shell having a human experience just like all of you for this planet, and to tell you the truth some day's I tell this family, blow it the flock up.

I am so angry that I can clearly see how we have advanced technologically and most of you think this is how you are supposed to advance. That you need a actual visual aid to see another dimension, for how much money? How much garbage in our landfills, our wallets and minds? When all you have to do is look inside yourself to find your light and your power, it's that easy. Have a conversation. If your angry, sad glad or mad, give it all you got to that man upstairs. That's what he's there for, For Christ Sake's he's God. He already knows what your thinking, he goes everywhere you go and so does your mother. Yup they are both right there.

I'll tell you what for one month give that family all you got upstairs, let it all go. I mean he's God, been around for awhile, he is your creator, your light and he ain't in no box and neither are you so stop acting like it. Step back and when you least expect it you'll notice a song or a conversation meant just for you. You start to notice things that are different and maybe things that are the same. You remember God couldn't tell us who we really are inside, you wanted to be clean slates on your own journey to finding the light. Some of learn what love is by living in what love isn't. Turn it back around. Turn that negative you see into a positive, awareness is a big key to change. So are dreams and so is our creativity, we are organic beings if some of us are more gifted in one way and some gifted in another. It's all alright with me. I just want balance.

Don't let someone else's values tell you who you are. I am appalled that we are willing to go live on another planet with aliens but you can't except another gender for whoever they are or whoever they love? Truly no one man on this planet is a mistake. It is mankind and someone else's old belief's that if they don't add up to healthy love, no agenda and no strings attached it ain't God. So yes people people religion is covering up who you really are and just where Christianity really came from. I've got the nice Christian's killing my natives who just happen's to honor both the mother and the father, like other masters God has sent, Buddha for example. In Buddhism God comes from within.

You don't have to stand on a soap box and get all religious, for peet's sake's please don't. I want you to feel your family from within, I want you to walk and talk it. Just in your actions and behaviors to both the mother, father and each other. Kindness and respect go along ways.  I want you to have family and traditions, laughter and joy, from all the good stuff. I want you to ascend, I want you to transcend and go as high as you wish, just don't take out and do others harm doing it. We are all brothers and sisters, Some of us are cowboys and some of us are Indians, Some of us are a lil tao, and others a lil chi, to me it's all the same. One love, one God, One Family and one light and with you you are part of that five star family. We are all related to that family with wings. Who say's this family can't throw down. Who says God's family isn't a lil cocky and bad ass, all for the good stuff in life. I'll end with John Denver, Loved this song growin up, "Thank God I'm A Country Boy/Girl."

Killing You Softly

Supermarket operator Kroger to fill 10,000 permanent posts http://www.msn.com/en-us/money/companies/supermarket-operator-kroger-to-fill-10000-permanent-posts/ar-AAm8uLg?OCID=ansmsnnews11 Shared via Bing Search https://aka.ms/getbingandroid

How Is This Love?

When I first started dating Michael we moved in together. We had been best friends for five years. Except the one year he re-married Vivian his ex-wife. I wasn't in love with Michael, I was hurt and I knew it wasn't a good idea. Michael announced to me on the phone that he and V were getting married again. I asked Michael, "what is different this time that makes you two think this is going to work? Michael said, "we have God." I didn't say it but I thought it, "where was God the first time?" Both Michael and V told me later that if I had said that out loud it would of stopped them both dead in there tracks. Sometimes unanswered prayers are a blessing.

Michael went to a local church, it was called Cascade Covenant here in North Bend. I had attended it on and off over the years but I just wasn't feeling it. I was not against Michael going to church and doing his thing to find his God. I never cared what religion someone followed as long as they were happy. I always believed at the top it was just one God. Either the Son or the Father they were one in the same to me. I never understood how? Now I understand all to clearly.

Michael was in the choir, band and he did volunteer work with the teen's doing skit's for the church. Michael was at the church a average of five nights a week and two sermons on Sundays.  Whenever a woman who was single and in distress Michael would get a call to go help with whatever small repair they needed done. Every Halloween he volunteered for Night in the Dark, it was a outdoor haunted house. I had met Michael's band and choir leader before and I had been drinking it was the day I moved in with Michael. I attended church one time, I had a conversation with a woman I had known for years, I told her that yes we live together, that we had known each other for years. Michael hadn't drank in like seventeen years. He was good for me, he was kind and loving. No he didn't have allot of money and I did not care.

This woman took it upon herself to tell Michael's band leader who just happened to be the assistant pastor. Later Michael get's a call and asked to meet with the assistant pastor. He was told that because he was living with a woman in sin that he could no longer participate in his choir and band, that he was a senior member of the congregation. That it looks bad for a senior member of the church to live with a woman in sin. That he is more than welcome to attend church but that he could no longer participate. Michael had no idea he was considered a senior member of the congregation. This was the first he heard of it. I mean no one ever called Michael and asked him to come over and hang out. When he sat in the congregation he sat alone unless his children attended with him. Pretty political right?

I told Michael " I will move Michael, I will not stand between your church and your God." I'm not like that. Michael said "no he will not let a church dictate who he loves or how." This assistant pastor, who I always thought resembled a pig kept trying to meet with Michael to make him feel guilty for sinning in his eyes, not God's. As a leader you guide. You teach. It is not your place as man to punish and judge. As any rep for any true religion that you use God's name you know that inside but some choose to misuse God for the wrong power.
That pig keeps coming up in my life. Those two rutting demonic pig's I'd see rutting in my mind after Greg finished with using my body. I never understood why two because, I certainly didn't get off? I felt defiled, and drained. I'd turn on my side and cry. How can a man do all that he has done and, still expect to have sex with me?

Steal my business, my family, making mountains out of mole hills for being human? Spreading rumors and lies even after. I said to him one day one the phone, "you wish I was dead, you wish I'd just disappear don't you Greg? He said, "you know Colleen, my lawyer told me that you'd never amount to anything after leaving me. You'd just bounce from man to man and fade out. Then he said, you know Colleen I just want you to get better for the girls." I said, well how does these two things you just said to me add up Greg?" "How does any of your actions and words match with just what you just said?"

In the fourth or fifth grade me and Gwen went to visit a convalescent home. A woman came at me with her arms outstretched shuffling in her wheel chair toward me. She had two holes in her face where her nose used to be. That night at dinner Sue served ham and that woman came up in the conversation, I didn't eat ham again until I ate my mother in laws ham. I ate bacon sometimes growing up, but usually only when my grandmother Lily cooked it up and served it to me.

I have learned since just maybe why some religions don't eat pork. Turns out JC cast some demons into pigs. Would of liked to of learned this at church, but we sinner's weren't good enough in this cults eyes. When I moved to California I learned in a homeopathic seminar about bacon and I didn't eat bacon for about seven years and it was rare even then. I don't think I even ate pork chops for many years until a young woman in California gave me a recipe. You know the other white meat.

After this happened to Michael, I called Sue because she attended the same church in another location and she knew the lead pastor. I wanted her advice. She told me that these rules are God's rules. I asked her "how is that love?" I mean as a church anyone who is hurting should be able to attend and participate. Isn't it the hurting and suffering who come to God? Isn't this why we come into his house, to learn about him first and make choices? Shouldn't they offer love to me and Michael instead of judgement? Who is man to judge anyone?

It's not love. It is not God's rules. They are mans rules. Jesus Christ came here during a time of all this religion and all this war and controversy. Funny that timing right? He spoke of peace walking through all these religions, he did not raise a hand. He said God is not about rules and rituals. He is about LOVE. Even if they are God's rules that does not give man the right to ostracize and judge. It is not your job in any house you place his name on. All these clubs and rules that hold mankind back from learning what God's true love for his children are. God is about love and compassion. He sees the bigger picture. He has known all along why we feed ourselves poison when our heart is empty. Those who sit in your big houses that you label a church do not have faith in God when you judge others. You do not have faith in him and his family to drive this bus.

Growing up being bounced from church to church watching others behaviors in these church's I wondered just how this is gonna work? I mean all these different religions and each religion thinks they have it right. They think they are the only way to connect with God is through their own religion. I couldn't see how any one religion or one person thinks they are the only entitled ones to get into heavens gates? So everyone else is going to purgatory or hell? All those people from the dark ages went to hell for all that rape and pillage? All these beatings and rapes you do to your own wives, mothers and sisters. You think because you have a kick stand you are entitled to take from me and get into heavens gates? Lucky for mankind God doesn't follow religion. God follows what each person carries in their hearts and that is all. You are a organic being. Not a synthetic being. You are from the heavens born of this rock on this rock.
This rock is your home away from home. We are God's flock and we carry that rock of salvation inside our hearts. We stand for one God under one family. We do not serve a system who has no love for this planet. We do not serve a entity we serve each other through God's love only.
I know who I am inside. I know who I am on the outside. I know who I stand for. I know who carries me when I am down. I know who has picked me up each time I fell. I know who holds this mothers heart in the palm of His hands. I will serve him and only him. My creator, my father, my brother, my one true love, forevermore.

The United States Flag Reigns

I believe I was working in a small town for a YMCA or YWCA. It was a after school basketball program for kids. Yeah truth is I know nothing about basketball, except their is a hoop, a ball. One team has to stop the other team from making a basket. Yet again in every dream I had a job to do and more discoveries to make.

This was a very small community. It mainly survived off of a local warehouse. It had small lil' wooden houses. The nice strong ones, not the cheap crappy ones created today. I took a young girl home. Her mother was a single mother who worked a second job to feed her children. She worked in the warehouse for years and this mother was struggling. You see in this town everything was controlled. How much you made for example?

My goal was to get these kids basketball scholarships and something positive to focus on. When I got their this part makes me cry. This mother had five children, because their were two younger ones that the older kids had to take care of. Feed them, entertain them, and try to get them to bed all the while trying to care for themselves and get their own homework done. This was poverty.

I snuck into the warehouse to see what was going on inside. It was a shipping warehouse of cheap goods. Basically garbage. I found my way up to the office trying to get around the guard in the aisle by the trucking entrance. I watched the manager of this warehouse being controlled by the small town mafia going on behind the scenes.

I met up with one of the delivery truck drivers. No better way to get on the inside than to date a local delivery truck driver. I'd sit in his truck when it would park on the outside and watch the going ons from the outside going in. I had already snuck into the second warehouse. The one this mother worked in at night. She was scared, she had to be careful. Their was no one left to care or feed her children if something happened to her. They were keeping track of the people also where they went and who they conversed with through this church. They saw who attended and this little mafia found out the truth of what people were doing, through the pastor of this church. Only he wasn't really a pastor. He was a cult leader using religion and God to keep control of this community for the mafia behind the scene's.

After we left we were being followed. Somehow we ended up on backroad in the woods. I had been there when I explored the town and the backroads over the days before snooping around. We ended up at a dead end. He was killed. I got out and ran into the woods. I came to a landfill in the center of the woods. It had some machinery around it. Used to fill the hole with the garbage that came in. It was deep and garbage was going up the sides. Of course their were more of them than me.

I hid. I was discovered and when I came too. I was left for dead at the bottom of this landfill. Yeah it seems I got my ass kicked allot in my dreams.  This just might be the spiritual cause of my spine being so out of whack. The beatings my body took in these dreams. This definitely wasn't the first time.
I crawled out. I lived. I stand. As for what was in the second warehouse, it was a manufacturing company that sewed and mass produced flags. Actually that's right the people that worked in the second warehouse basically were slaves, who sacrificed their own lives to work in a warehouse by night to secretly sew united states flags and ship them out through the first warehouse. Hope Floats. Even in my dreams.

You know about six weeks or so I heard the word Tierney just after I discovered I'm the lost Anastasia. I wasn't sure what Tierney meant? I believe it means a take over? You see this system, the Government's or the different way each Government is ran, their is one entity behind each one for centuries. It created war. It provided weapons so we can kill each other off. It planted itself back before we learned about the Egyptians. The Egyptian's, the God's and the different Entities that invaded this planet. They bred with us, they altered our DNA, and well we have been sacrificed and enslaved to this system ever since.

Through pretty much each nation and each culture we have been enslaved fighting for our freedom to love God and to be fairly taxed on our resources that Mother Nature (aka. Mary) and God gave us as a planet. One unit to eat on, to get our medicine from, our tobacco, our oil. Everything across our nation's that is good through mother natures resources have been mass produced and poisoned. All under the guise and control of one entity for mass production, lying to mankind making us feel like we can't survive without them. Without that money tree that does not exist here and defiantly not our first home, heaven.

This system wants us and our children to adapt to all this synthetic reproduction of everything good. This system wants us to forget that God came before any religion. This system doesn't want us to know that each religion only tells part of the story. It doesn't want us to remember our natives going way back. The ones who based their lives on mother nature, this rock and God. Family and Traditions.
Systematically each religion has taken over other religions throughout time. Changed God's rules over time. They created their own rules in each sect to get a ticket to heavens gates. All you need is love in your heart. Family and traditions. The Grace to respect and give thanks to each parent every now and then. We love God and our family each day, no matter where we are at, no matter what class you sit in, by our own behavior toward each other. You disrespect one parent you disrespect the other. Honor Thy Mother and Thy Father you honor and represent heaven here on this planet. God gave us life. We carry that life, that soul inside our hearts.

It was about the fourth or fifth grade that I wrote my first song. I wrote this when Sue used to drag me and Gwen around from church to church. It was called "Keep On Trucking For The Lord." Let's break these chains that bind us through religion and this system as a whole unit, under one God, under one Mother, for the whole of mankind and this rock. For our children and their future. Let Freedom reign for everyone once and for all. Our ancestors fought for freedom from each Nation that came to the United States long ago.  Not only for our Nation but all of them. As God's children we no longer pilgrimage and rape each other or this planet. We stand as one and we stand strong. We represent that one family of Love, because together we are one family. We are God's flock.

We came from the heavens. We are born of this rock on this rock. His Flock, My Rock. We all carry that rock inside our hearts. That rock is God. He is our fortress and this planets protector. You don't need life insurance or representation when you carry that rock inside you. No entity is getting my rock, my ring of fire or that sun. I stand for one nation under one God for all of his flock.

The Game

I have discovered that I have had a pattern in my dreams. I have gone to different fair's in my dreams only to discover the truth behind all these fair's and games. Each dream was something to figure out, discover or find. Usually it was the truth behind the games and how they really work. This is one of the dreams when I was slammed back into with a few others to make a point. To help me to connect the dots.

In this one it was a big video arcade. It had rides, games, balloons, and food. The entrance was set up like a entrance at the reptile area at the zoo. It was cement, on the right going in you got tickets and checked your coats. To the left is where families walk out. On one ride you stood in a big line, it was similar to going down a big water slide, that took you into the next phase at the bottom.

The fun house entrance. In the first part you walked through. It was easy and fun. On the second part you got on a ride. This part of the fun house things got darker and scarier. After you got off the ride you had to walk the rest of the way. This is the part that got even darker. This part was where you had to fight for your life to get to the exit. Once out of the exit, people were laughing still and having a good time.

Their were other rides as well going on that you could see moving through the video arcade floors. Once out of the fun house you have a choice of different rides to enter or games to play. This is the part where I walked into a room, I don't remember all of this part. I know I was observing something going on out the window to the main floor of the arcade. I was also conversing with someone. I was observing one man standing in the middle of the floor. He was not good.

When I came out of the game I stood at the exit and entrance. I noticed many things that the human race didn't notice. That is the people are the energy that is making this game work. This arcade. Like we were the balls bouncing around in the games. Being bounced around and making the bells and whistles going off. When we went down the slides we were providing the energy to make the game work.

When we exited the fun house people were disappearing from groups. The ones that did walk out seemed to have forgotten about the other friends and family they walked in with. Poof ! Gone from their hearts, gone from their minds. Standing at the exit people were so busy having a good time they didn't even notice that hardly anyone walked out compared to others walking in.

Burn out this planet, poison it, you poison God's flock. This system has so much energy to use on this planet in so many ways. Think of it as a whole unit. In this bubble we have all sorts of different kinds of energy to make it work as a whole unit. One of those energy units/vessel's is you as a human being. What happens when you take something that is a whole organic being and you poison it with synthetics? You suppress, shut down, damage or kill off one or different parts of your system inside.  Poison in the drug's legal and illegal. Poison in not telling in the whole story in each religion. We can't reach for the stars or truth inside us until we know the whole truth.

Just different parts creating distention, rules and guidelines to be closer to God creates distention. Guilt, shame and judgement that was created by man not God. Poison of the heart from the start, burns energy just within, with the guilt and shame we carrying our heart and mind hurts the body inside. When we hurt or don't feel it has a negative impact on 100 percent of our energy. It turns us as 100 percent organic being to a 10 percent heart, 8 percent mind, the other 47 percent healthy body mass. Now what happens to the other 35 percent? This is the start of the poison at the first heart break and rejection, triggered through the mother and/or father. This 35 percent is the poison that slowly grows and erodes our bodies with disease.  It's synthetic pain we carry inside us. We need to be more of a 33.33 heart, 33.33 body, 33.33 mind. Balance to heal.

Our energy and this planets energy suffers because of this entity/corporation/system. It is set up to make mankind fail. This planets system suffers and is off balance then so do the inhabitants. The ones closest to this rock born of this rock. It creates a negative dark energy inside us and it grows all around us in different ways. We pass it through judgement, shame and negative actions to others. Sin grows or the illusion of it grows, right along with the negative dark energy. Mankind suffers as a whole in different ways. Through our hearts and minds, the labels and guilt that is placed by this Entity/Corporation/Monopoly for getting sicker and sicker physically and mentally. All for the poison and labels they created through our food, water, medical healthcare, the prescription drugs, religion and rules. The guilt and shame in the fines for no longer being able to feed yourself or afford a decent roof over your head.

What I want to know is where is the civility in all these civil cases? No one can manage, especially not the victim or the police. All these corporations and the civil cases they create making and changing the rules to humanity as they go along. This legal system that serves itself but fines us for being human and reacting to the injustice. All these civil court cases, weighing my holy blue jeans down low with all the bullshit they feed me. All the way to the top in the blue suits they float to the top of this Monopoly going on behind the scenes. No what else floats? Shit floats. All those civil court cases that they create the guidelines and rules? If,  how and when you get reimbursed from a corporation, does not make a very fair game to play does it? All these hospital cover ups and all the red tape this whole system encompasses to get anywhere. It is set up to burn you out and make you look crazy for being a spiritual being with emotions, just like God made us, in his image with her heart.

Cain Reincarnated

OOOOHHHH Cain, this ones for you. You know at times this internet shit comes in pretty handy. Yeah Cain, I've been processing again. It seems I'm like a human computer after all. Download, download, download, process, process, process. I admit this journey to finding the answer's is getting pretty old. You see Cain, I have learned even more about that garden.

I have learned that Eve likely had more than nine children. I have heard five, ten and fifty. No one is sure when Eve died. It seems their isn't any record. No record on Sara or how many daughters or the names. The story of the woman named Christ from way back when, who had children with two half brothers. One had compassion and the other didn't. Later her name changed to Mummy. Interesting how in the early times the children were kept in this family tree. I'm seeing a common link here, a familiarity.

So Cain not only did I spell your name wrong in the beginning, sorry about that. No, not really. It seems Cain that I have discovered just how you came back into this family tree? I have discovered how you stuck so close to this family tree? Remember brother where there is light there is dark. Mankind may not of been able to follow the women in this family. You know the ones from the garden that even today some of these lil pecker heads are so arrogant to think the women weren't important in the bible. They are so arrogant today to think they are above Eve, to think they are above their own mothers because they were born male. Now we both know brother where these lil pecker heads really came from? We both know they wouldn't be here without Eve. Nothing on this planet is created without mother nature aka. Mary and our one true father not knowing about it. You know The Big D in the sky? The one True Father. Always a representation of your true parents throughout time right brother?

Yeah I wondered just how this family kept track of you for so long too? Follow the light right brother? You keep coming back and you keep following the light in this family alright. You know keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. Always poisoning my mothers love. Not only did I figure out that if God and that family upstairs have been following me this close and watching me my whole life then yes Cain they followed Eve too. As well as you. What is in a name anyway? This one is good brother. I admit some of it is horrifying but somehow I can relate to Eve. At first I just thought I was a vessel for that family upstairs. I thought all along they were just using my emotions. That just isn't the case after all. It really is about those triggers and that first broken heart from the mother or father, even a man and woman in a marriage is a representation of a broken heart from the mother and father. Some it affects deeper than others.

Well I got online to ask some questions about Eve and I'm not sure if I knew this before, the names of Eve's sons? Three of them is a matter of fact. I'm pretty certain Eve didn't know about you. Eve was a young trusting innocent soul. Anew seedling made of the dust and Adam's rib. What did we, your own mother and father name our first born son? Cain. That would be you right brother? We come from those angels right brother?

 In my nieces wedding standing inside Greg, father X. You are the fallen angel reincarnated in that garden through your mother Eve and your father Adam. That would make me give birth to you how many times over through out time? I mean come on Cain, their were more people in that garden, right brother? I mean their were other couples going up to do a ritualistic pure breed. I'm thinking their is a reason why our father let mankind blow these mothers off all these centuries? Part of the big plan right brother? The one I knew nothing about.

So that would make me stronger than you, right brother? So Eve's heart was broken, she had a hole in it because you poisoned Adam too. In poisoning Adam, You planted the ego in the son. You poisoned the love, the apple. What does mankind look for when they aren't sure if someone is male or female? That Adam's apple and all these gender issue's you have everyone focusing on. Truth is we have had people of different genders inside this whole time.

Probably I'd say back through Egyptian time when the male was down on his knees and the woman was taking him from behind. Metaphysically or real still not sure, however their is a erogenous spot behind that rim, right brother? You planted guilt and shame, you turned brother does not lie with brother, into sex. Our Father is a androgynous being of light and love. Some of us have a lil more female in us and some a lil more male. Estrogen for Eve and Testosterone from Adam.

You created the positions to keep things pure. You made it so women couldn't enjoy sex right from the start. The purity of a virgin. That red stain. For the life of me, I never understood why someone would want a virgin? To pluck that flower is about power, right brother? Power and ego.  To make sure the women don't get tempted, to find love anywhere else, you planted guilt and shame, so men cut it out or shamed them. The men are in the other gardens, trying to keep their own bedroom's and wives pure.  Double standard I'd say. If a woman wants sex she is a whore. If a woman like's sex she is a whore, and if the woman doesn't she is a ice queen, cold fish. Another persons object to use as a doormat. Beneath you, keep her under your thumb. Only you and you minion's treat a woman as a possession instead of a human being. Your kind will no longer posses anything.

How is it pure when the man poisoned and soiled that garden with his own needs and desires being met with a stranger, instead of his wife? Truly Cain in order to have a honeymoon phase last in a marriage, you need to learn about compatibility in the bedroom also. You need to learn about trust and whether this guy or significant other is a locker room talker at any age. Now we have people going straight to the bedroom pretending to be something they are not for love. Kind of like looking for love in all the wrong places, looking for love in all the wrong faces. Trying to fill that hole in their own heart. It's the love of God and that family that get's you through the hard times right brother? Well you just serve people and help, with a agenda. That agenda is not love. To serve anyone with a agenda isn't love it is evol. It is a disservice.

By poisoning Adam, you poisoned the Atom's. You let the Entities into our family. You flocked with mother nature and this planet, with that anti gravity device in Alaska. It came from WWII and we bought the rights and planted it there in about the early seventies.You flocked with our garden's air and weather. Wow Cain, you two have been very busy. You poisoned the wheat and gardens and recreated the organic gardens that were pretty much organic in the first place. Poison the wheat, poison the flour. Poison mankind take all the power. Part of mankind can't eat or afford the GMO and Celiac diet and the other wheat allergy is Gliadin. It's an opiate that binds into the opiate receptors of the brain. It stimulates appetites.  All these special diets and processing. Putting labels on just the essence of something good instead of feeding God's flock the whole fruit. The real medicine we need. We might not pay taxes on the ebt card but truth is the rest of mankind pays taxes over and over. Including taxes on all that mark up and poison.

I also heard that your father Adam kicked your ass right out of his village once again. Still not sure if it's because I (eeewwwww!!!!!) had sex with my own son or not. Since we kept things in the family I'm sure Adam was also having sex with his daughters. Pretty disgusting right brother? No, you like that one don't you? Either way Cain I want you to remember one thing, who's heart your children really came from? I want you to remember who's father you really came from? Truth is you still think your more powerful than me don't you? The turning a mothers love for her son into evol and the fathers love for the daughter into evol. All this rape, molestation and hell. confusion of the spirit and heart right from the start. Rape of Mother Nature (aka. Mary), rape of her daughters and sons, right brother? You two like that don't you brother?

Now I learned of another seven brother? Something like God gave you grace? That if someone tried to take you out they would suffer seven times over. Now brother I sent you to nine layers of hell times three to infinity and beyond. In my family I always have two more, but if you really were born from me 6000 years ago, then you don't have two more over and over like me. You remember you made me who I am? When Eve ate the apple from the Tree of Wisdom, you poisoned my mothers fruit. That might be why your father rejected your fruit, and accepted which brother's sheep and fat? Seth, the S's in this family tree are my snakes in hiding. You killed Able and that would make you the cause of the disabled, right brother?

When you were sent out of the village once again you were a farmer and you were told that you can no longer farm. You can no longer turn the soil and plant a seed in a garden. You didn't like that did you? Over time people forgot this part. Depends who can afford to get something mass produced right brother? Only part of the story over here and over there, right brother? You figured out how to plant a garden alright. You and this system and all those red and blue seeds in the gardens. The ones our own Government secretly watches on these farms to make sure the farmers don't wash them off. All under the guise of mass producing food and all that poison you put in the garden's. To hold back all those weeds in those gardens right brother? To keep the weeds and pests under control.

Isn't it those weed plant's that around the early seventies had to be in every yard in all thirteen colonies? Those were used to fertilize the soil I believe and to keep the weeds under control. Then the Government figured out mankind had a natural medicine that helps mankind spiritually connect upstairs. so it became illegal and you made everyone rip them out. You created the Monopoly on the weed and the legalization rules and boundaries once again. I know that genetically weed is the closest similar plant to our own DNA. The Government did one study in Mississippi and that is all. Truly brother this Government and the way it functions has lost the right to control anything.

About those sixes and nines brother, I figured out I have a lot more than you? Your family is in hiding, as well as mine. I think my niece Shari over rides you too brother. Those born in Renton in the sixties especially the ones I went to school with. We were born in the 60's, Most of us had our children in the nineties and then well that would make these children all in their twenties, right brother? Always two more in this family. Kiley's numbers, 02/17/1997 = 10/36 or 46 then it is her numbers this year brother 02/17/2017 = 10+10 =20 and to think she turns twenty. That would be K for King 2.0. Irony, gotta love irony.

All those changes, and all those wars when our parents were born and our grandparents. All those pioneers who came over to Ellis Island for a new beginning of freedom. People we respected from our own history saw the light and warned us about you. Was one of them Thomas Jefferson?

I was nine I believe when my brother died and he was eight years older than me. He died at seventeen and the next nine was when I was eighteen. It was my first Christmas alone. My sister pinned me down and was punching me back and forth across the face. Kevin my boyfriend who was also raised as a twin. He pulled me out from underneath and told me to pack my stuff. Why was my sister doing that again brother? Our dear sweet mother causing distention and blame for her own horrible behavior, once again. She used my brothers death as a poor excuse. She had not shown much reaction to his dying all those years. Aside from blame. Saying he was nothing but a bad seed.


Kimmie my sister came into my room to apologize and I told her "I am no longer her lil sister that she can use as a punching bag anymore. To place all this families blame on anymore." Zina, our mother came in and said "good, you deserved it." I was at school six to seven days a week. At times until after ten to avoid these two. Once again I don't even have to be around to take the blame for their feud. That is when I went to spend my first Christmas alone. My favorite holiday. I had to live with four guys until I started work. Another four from Renton Indians High School. If I remember right class of eighty three. I was class of eighty six from the Hazen Highlanders. All those people and numbers, all those races who's families spread out. Yes Cain some brothers and sisters have taken the hits for you two. Much more than my family.

My father hung on that cross because of you the entity which planted itself on this planet, in my Washington, right Cane? Oh that's right we were here first. All the way around. The Druids before the Viking's even. Over time those old Druids turned into the Natives. The ones who honored the mother and the father, their family and community. Funny how they are being taken out by all this meth, crack, heroine and that black swill, to drowned them in? When I said the white rocks that lie, it wasn't just the illegal drugs but the legal ones too.

You and the iron curtain behind my Government all set up for failure. To kill off mankind and save themselves. I mean God, your own father is a moral being right brother?  God is full of Love, light and compassion, he see's the bigger picture, right brother? How is it moral to kill off mankind? To use God's name as a weapon to lie? To use God's name in a honorable position and poison God's flock with your lies and poison. To make us blame each other and kill each other off? To fight for mother nature's resource aka. Mary, the very resources that never belonged to you. You create religion and wars to keep us separated and to make us blame each other with all this panic and fear that those in the illuminati created. You do not get to choose who lives and dies this time around, God does and my family does, not yours Cain.

Adam and Eve in Purgatory

OMFG! Yes, Satan I hate you. I hate you. You Mother Fucker! Yes! I remember what I saw down in that hole out of the corner of my eye. I wasn't sure if what I was seeing was real? Let me see brother she had Eve's hair. Hands tied and bound to another piece of wood at a angle. What's the matter brother you gotta tie a woman down to get her to flock you and your minion's? Yeah that's pretty vial.

That' explains how I was My X's rag doll kitty cat. Talk about feeling nothing. No satisfaction you lil prick. After I'd turn over and all I could see was a vial, not such a cute lil piggy's making bacon kind of picture. You are rot, you are evol. No you are dark, vial, like a rutting pig with tusk getting off. I would turn over into a ball and cry inside. Feeling violated. Horrified! Nauseous! Drained like you had taken something from me. You were draining my energy. Draining my essence. Weakening my core. Killing off my tree of life.

That visual in that pit, their were two of us down there right brother? We were both bound and tied. Adam and Eve stuck in purgatory with the Beast. Black Magic brother? Yeah, brother their is no purgatory in heaven. I'd have to say that after all this, purgatory is here inside us and we carry it back many dimensions inside us. Through our life times and our dreams. Our demons we carry inside us. That is why "the demons in the white rocks that lie. The demon's and lie's in the pills. In our healthcare. Our religions and in our bodies. What no one knows brother is that because we are born from this planet of this planet, we are all hurting and being poisoned as a result of this E.T. just like this planet. We are all connected through the heavens and mother earth. We are all a part of this rock and that family.

Yeah you piece of shit. I admit this one is a hard hit to take. That you have literally been inside this mother and my mother before me. " Hey you all, I don't know what to tell you, I guess it's true what they say brother, What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." You kept trying to turn me back then. Every time I'd try to shut down before bed. You'd come in change the channel. Always group sex. Funny it was those nights that I'd turn over and actually fall asleep. No you tried. You did not turn me. For a long time I'd get a flash of this in my head and I never wanted to be touched again. Greg was addicted to porn or you told him this shit is for real? That this is love? To a Sociopath that can't feel empathy. No empathy, no compassion, no love. It's all a act. To be married to a man who for anything I went through, physical or emotional pain around my family dying, I was not allowed to show any emotion, because he couldn't. He mislabeled assertive with aggressive. He used the word respect for him when you spoke to him, but in truth you couldn't call him out for his disrespect or behavior toward you. Deflector's, what are they hiding? Neglect is the most invisible abuse of all.

The mirror that I kept asking Greg to replace back in the wall? I was pregnant with Alex, I kept telling him, it was making me sick and giving me migraines. He did not care. It was the smell of death under that backward shaped L crooked lil house that you stuck me in and pretty much walked away. In a barely functioning house, each day.

So what did you do to Adam? You know that special entitled pussy boy of a brother I married in this life and from what I can see others too. Thing's have been way off kilter for a long time right brother? I saw what my father carried in his heart, his demons of his flock his children getting slaughtered. The burden's he carried, so what did you do to the other father? The one who's ring of fire, I hold in the palm of my hand, along with that diamond. You do remember who this diamond really belongs to right brother? I knew I was being shown this again to see the Truth, but to get me to the pissed off stage once again.

The Beast

I don't know which way to go? I don't know how to handle this one? Can't speak out loud to anyone about all this. I try not to future trip and I noticed last night after I actually ate a meal. That shaky feeling was back. That darkness that fatigue pulling me down. This was the feeling I started getting when Greg had that fatal attraction show up at the office for four months behind my back. I thought I was low on fuel. Even when I ate I couldn't shake this feeling. I gained up to a 112lb, for the first time in my life. You know what people said to me after I lost my weight back down? All the ones who told me, "I was to skinny that I needed to gain weight?" Including my X said, "you were getting chunky." Always nitpicked all my life. Always judged for the slightest thing. Funny the ones saying it to me were the ones stabbing me in the back and lying to my face. No one ever thought about how this affected me did they?"

Here on this planet, the psychological label is anxiety. For me like before it means the darkness is getting nearer. I recorded a video, well many of me going back with my emotions in this family tree. It was then in that video that I discovered for the first time that it was thirty years ago when my brother died. I was nine years old. Looking back something major happens every nine years for me. Eighteen years old my first Christmas alone. I loved Christmas, It's my favorite holiday. I loved recreating the Christmases I had with my family as a child. It's gone up in smoke for me inside. I'm not celebrating again this year. No children, no family for me. I found out Alex is going back to the UK to see her Alex. I can't do this again. Do another walk through peacefully on the outside while I hurt so bad on the inside
At twenty seven, Friday the 13th, I delivered Alex. Nineteen hours of labor while Greg slept on the couch. Don't most fathers look forward to this moment? I mean Greg went to lamas classes with me. He is a naturopath after all and he didn't participate. I did it on my own. I didn't realize until lately that their is something very wrong with that. She was born at 3:16 p.m. and thirteen extra people walked into my room to watch her be born. Including my friend Mary M. her husband's name was Jack. Beautiful baby blue's in that father too. I loved these people. They moved to Goldbar and life caught up and we lost touch.

Thirteen pearls on that dollar bill with that one big Eye on top. Please God, this is my lil rock. One half of my heart. How do I convince her father I am telling the truth? How is my X ever going to know or feel what love is with Cane sitting on his head?  How do I show Greg the light that no matter who he is, this is our baby girl? I can't do another one of my children's voyage's while they pacify me from upstairs. Keep me busy and walk me through. Not this time. While I watch history repeat itself in another marriage.

I realized yesterday that in my dreams I was time traveling. I realized too that I was always very calm except one. I got the impression I had been to this place a few times to check it out and I needed to go back to these woods in the dark. I had asked a man to drive me there and wait out by the road. I have no idea what he looked like. We drove past a turn off to the right, like a Y. We went straight and up above on the right was a house sitting alone in the woods. I get the feeling I was in this house talking to the people and that is why I wanted to come back?

My driver parked the car in the center of the gravel road. I got out and walked into the woods alone to the left. I came up to a hole in the ground like a large crater. Similar to the ones behind TA in the gold field, however this one was in the forest. When I looked down their were people in it doing something. It wasn't good. A old woman with fly away white hair just past her shoulders. A black dress and shoes from another time. A older man bald with hair around the back and sides. He had on a dirty white shirt, trousers, suspenders and boots from another time.

Their was another man tied to a tree trunk. A lil taller than he, stuck in the ground. Their was something else going on that I don't remember. It was not good and some scary shit that no one in their right mind ever wants to see. It was the shack. A tiny one room shack that I kept seeing men and this old woman walk in and out of. How this shack held all those people I will never know? This was the reason I came back. I wanted to see what was in the shack? I snuck around, their were big knot holes and cracks in the wood it was so old. It was lit by candlelight or a lantern. Their was something or somebody on the bed. I just remember it wasn't human. Not Alien just not a man and not human. Whoever this family was? I got the impression family somehow. This was a dark family and they were serving it. They were somehow keeping it alive. It had something to do with what was going on in that hole.

I don't remember if I was seen or what but I ran. I was terrified. I ran and ran back out to the main road and when I got to the driver  he wasn't in it but he was close by. I started screaming, to take off. To get out of here right now. I remember we backed out as fast as we could in the dark to that house at the Y. I don't remember anymore. I begged God not to take me back. The first time I got taken back through these nightmares and being hit with the key point's. To feel them emotionally and relive them. No these are not places I want to go back to. This time God was standing right beside me.

The next day when I'd see it in my mind again. It was still to fresh and I kept pulling my head to the left with my eyes closed. My whole upper body pulling away from the scene. It finally dawned on me I was time traveling it was in that barn of my fathers that I came out into a bright room. Like a hay barn with the doors open or a hangar of some sort. I heard voices as I was creeping around. Just like brother red said to me that day in the woods. "Colleen, you have to stop creeping around in these woods." Asshole, he scared the shit out of me. Pissed me off because I figured out he was the one who called me there in the first place. I stood in the woods looking around wondering why I was there myself? Apparently I did some creeping around in those dreams all those years looking for answers.

Their were a couple of guys up there. I stepped out into the open. I felt safe. We had a conversation, it was here that I think I came up with a plan to get the sheep out. I realized then that all those really old houses in the woods and the clothes they were wearing were not from this time or was any of the stuff around me. So yeah, I hope you can understand that after all these discoveries especially these last couple of weeks if I have a panic attack. I mean holy shit! What is the opposite of light? Darkness! I saw death. Right here on this planet from this dimension, I saw death. Nothing I ever want to see again. To look at the beast in the eye and to discover that Cane was living in my house the whole time.

I now know why while pregnant with Kiley, I saw another Chiropractor? They didn't want Greg touching me. Not with this child. He depleted me. He depleted my energy. He poisoned my tree of life. It was a Michael Golden that Greg had pawned me off on yet again. He is the one who said, 'Colleen I think you have scoliosis." I asked Greg to check me out? He of course said, "no." Just because I got addicted to pain pills for four months of my marriage, does that mean that I have no right to be treated for my pain all these years? No one ever questioned if I was really in pain? Not worthy of food, not worthy of love, and not worthy to be healed from my pain?

Let alone acknowledged, told "I was lying and that it's nothing. It's all in your head. Your just making it up. Look it says right here on this chart it's mild. This is the diagnosis. It says right here in this computer. That says one size fits all. Here take this suppressor for your nerve endings. This suppressor for your brain, because its all in your head remember? Oh here is another anti inflammatory, and lets up that calcium channel blocker. What you can only get nine of these pills for cardiovascular, so the rest is just nerves. No we are blind, here is another pill for that side effect's, here is something else for you to tolerate. To convince the public who pay for this healthcare, we are doing all we can do. It's her fault for getting addicted in the first place. Now she shall suffer the consequences, be judged heavily, no longer adored, but abhorred for being a human. A invisible human with a number on my head. No value in society. A great big zero. She must be a whore being homeless trying to feed herself. Must of done a few lube job's and blow jobs to feed herself?"

Poison the fruit, poison the apple of Eves eye. Poison her love with your lies. Poison the wheat, poison the flour isn't that right Cane? Poison the water, poison the well, with all these tax dollars. Your love is poison, you twist and turn my words into lies. Sitting in that backwards L shaped house with my children, you piece of shit lil man whore. You poison my sugar, my sweet essence. Hell Cane, you even poison the sugar Cane. It's not about that Gold Chalice this time brother.

It's about the mother this time. This honey pot that sits at the end of every rainbow. This milky way that I carry inside me through the stars up above. It's about this mother you lil cocksucker, always cock blocking me, while I take it from behind.  I'm shutting the gates to hell forever and I'm throwing away the key this time. I don't give a flying flock what it takes this time. You my brother are going back on the chain gang. Yeah, ICU. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust brother.

Chained in Purgatory

The dream with my father on the sheep farm. I may have been following my father, but it wasn't until last night that I saw who it was wielding that butcher knife. When I remembered my father, the house, the sheep, I started pleading and screaming no. I didn't want to go further and see more, I remembered the cages and who was in the cages just the significance nearly killed me from inside.

Only because I got a flash of another dream. What I saw and what I did. This is when I started screaming why God? Why would I do that God? Why would you show me this? No I don't want to remember God. I could not believe that I had forgotten about all these horrible dreams and what I witnessed? To have them come back all at once and sit in a place, to pretend to be normal. To pretend to have a good time. I could not participate. I knew this night was going to be a rough ride. No way could I write this pain. To many different dimensions, time zones. To much to carry and for the first time I realized I was in coping mode. I was trying to be in acceptance. I was trying to remember I got through it. I was trying to remember the timing of being shown this.

Like the other times on this journey when I already walked through the darkness, and I didn't understand until much later. Each place I went and observed, participated, accepted the weirdness and letting the rest go. I tried to remember what God showed me and who I truly am in the last few days. I was and am still trying to come to terms with this part. Some part's was like "Thank God." Some was like OMG! Yet other part's were like "OOOHHHH Gooood!" So many different perspectives, from so many points of view. I still haven't walked through this part and accepted. I mean yes, it's God and well it's a heavy load God carries. Because it's about God and his family, I have Faith that all will work out. I just need to hammer a few thing's out. Deal and maybe stop trying to barter Kyle. I realized, "I was actually asking if after we die, can you keep him? Let me go back to be with my children and just be with you? You know toss him back in daddy? Let's skip this one. I don't want this fish daddy."

I love irony. Irony in humor. Irony in life. Nothing makes me laugh harder than seeing a grown man scream like a girl. Their is good sides to irony and bad sides to irony. Some irony is light and some irony is dark. Well some irony is funny and some isn't funny at all. So yeah, I'm stalling trying to hold onto the light of what I know today and the dark of what I saw yesterday. Irony is "I was told to let the dreams go." I never know how to let something go until I've processed it in my mind. Then I just write and let my fingers do the walking with whatever music flows from Pandora, so not to get stuck. That is also why some of the grammar errors and misspelling and punctuation . That and I have no idea how I graduated. Apparently I learned just what I needed to know to get me to the next step.

I have no idea how big the planet is. I have no clue the Government's or what they are called. I have not a clue what religion is what. What culture is behind most names. By me not knowing it leaves me open to acceptance to the people and lives around me and not have any judgement or any race card to pull. That race card creates separation. I don't like it and it is a good excuse for bad behaviors. No one in any culture wants to represent the bad side of the bad behavior all created on lies to feed a system your loyalty, your fear, your dollar. You feed this entity your fruits of labor, the lion of your loins grow silent. They poison your heart, body, mind and soul. The guilt and dependence on the system they created behind your back to make you suffer and feel boxed in. Held down in fear. Dependent on them, instead of your one true father. Who stands behind you. That one huge shadow that weald's the big fist in the sky.

I had forgotten what I saw in my mind when this started, me as a tiny ant holding up the planet. The reason they are doing good is because I am out here. So I heard. When I got a flash of this place, this dimension I got a flash of what I did. I wanted this place along with all the other dimensions I walked through to burn. I want it gone. I want off the chain gang.

It was dark outside. It was a open space that had old industrial machines out of commission. Some being used as a office. The old machinery circled around this one space. I had walked through it a few times and observed. Their were cages and in front of all these cages was this one cage and it had a man suspended in it. He was hanging by chains with hooks in his flesh keeping him suspended face down. Each night I slept I kept going back. I was trying to figure a way to get that man out of the cage. It wasn't going to be easy, someone always watching in the dark.

Oh yeah so much more in the cages behind that I don't remember. Last night they were showing me this one man suspended and what I did that I didn't know. It was something sexual, but not. I learned last night that in my dreams in some of these strange old warehouses I walked through and hid in, when someone got close or I wanted to cover someone else's scent, so they could get away. They would release a small light orgasm to dispel some how. I stepped into the cage and I released a orgasm. Some how I unhooked him and got him down.

The part I didn't see before was that somehow when I released him. I replaced him. It was an exchange. Time to do my time. I have no idea the face of the man I took down. I get the impression it was a brother. I have no idea how long I hung there. I don't want to know when I did the exchange or for how long.

It was bad enough watching JC carry the cross and have rocks thrown at him. Seeing him spit on, the ring of thorn's, the blood, the bird's. That this was actually a human being hanging there with a woman at his feet. Realizing that this man is real. That it did happen. How heavy that cross was and learning why on this journey I was feeling and seeing it? My twisted spine, that cross and the pulling of my heart strings, last night hitting me all at once was an overload. Today I try to remember that I went through it already. I try to remember that my family would not be putting me through all this for nothing. Do you really think God would send his own son back and not experience love and loss in a big way? You can't help anyone else until you have walked through it. I ain't going back. Their is no going back.

By hiding the Truth all these centuries it seems somehow as each generation that keeps coming back carrying the load for this planet, for that family, for this universe that it is part of the heavenly plan. somehow the load that family carries for us is heavy and dark. Hiding the truth is blocking us from seeing the light. It's blocking us from healing. I'm getting the impression JC wasn't the only one hanging on the cross throughout time. No I have been sent to many other dimensions, some even more horrifying than this by a long shot. To see the darkness behind the scenes, as time has passed, to see how the darkness grows, cause and effect on mother nature, in this universe, and both parents. It was never one, always two. To see the pain my father suffers inside as his children, his flock are sitting in purgatory, suffering and being slaughtered all for this rock, this kingdom he built for his wife to feed his children love forevermore.

I said toGreg the day I stepped into his office. "please Greg. go take your daughter by the hand and tell her her mother has this fight? No amount of money for food is worth this." I told him that "by me working there I am seeing the bigger picture's with these semi's and drug dealers." I also said, "Greg you put me out here in this. You put me in this purgatory." Now I understand why I said this.

How deceptive of you to sit on my rock disguised as a pretty boy. Working in the naturopathic field. All those people you touch. All those people you place your hands on. To make you a sociopath to boot. Put in charge of my children's mental and physical health. Put in charge to feed my children. Their is more than one way to feed your children Cane. Come on we both know that don't we brother? Oh the lies and deceptions. My house Cane, my children Cane, my rock Cane.

Who put me on the chain Cane? What brother am I doing this for? What Father Cane? What Mother Cane? Who's children Cane? My children Cane. Only I feed my children Love and Light. You are a coward hiding behind the scenes. You are a coward to hide inside my children's father. My fury, my rage and all the energy you sucked from my body while pregnant. Oh yes, cane I remember when I was two month's pregnant with Kiley? It wasn't food poisoning was it Cane? It was you trying to make me abort my daughter. Even at two months in the womb Cane, that child held on. This child is strong and she belongs to me.