I Loved Her First

I Loved Her First/ Heartland 01/15/2018
OH OH OH the anger that rolls through me right now is impalpable. I hate P.O.L's. Just sitting in my box and the stuff I have discovered and put together in the last couple days? Anger and rage roll through me. Going back to the beginning and proof reading my blog, I had to ask "why God, why this man? What do UC in him that I don't aside from beastie play time in the garden?" They took me back to his heart in about ten seconds time, and the answer flashed in my head?

Just Got Started Loving You/JO
Love. Their answer to me was love. I had to walk away. I got angry. You call this love? I went on a walk to the AZ and on my return lying on the ground to my left was a Jack In The Box cup with a plant in it. It looked familiar so I picked them up and brought them home and replanted them. Later that night Michail looked at them and he said, "those are chicks and hens. Their were five. I laughed inside. Buttering me up isn't going to work this time guys. No it is not. Not one God Damn bit.

These R My People/RA
Alex is planting tree's. Guess where? I've been going back to that Trident and why I picked her name? My little rock, that no matter how stubborn she got, I wouldn't let her go. I saw something in her. My brother in law Steve and Christine met my lil' Wrigley dog. A Maltese. I searched high and low for her. Wrigley was my shadow. She had a human personality. She was an exhibitionist, she loved to hump her bear in front of our guest, and she would only shit in the Ivy. She liked her privacy.

Would You Go With Me/JT
When Trident flew through the door it was like the Tasmanian Devil with the Trident for a pitch fork spiraled through our door. I looked at James and I asked the name of this beasties pitch fork? After that when we left we'd rig the papason chair so Trident couldn't get up, only Wrigley. Her other location was the Dining room table. Then I stabbed Freya a green worm with a Trident, after I was raped. I stuck her in her worm tail. I was so mad, I trusted her and she pulls that shit to get me in that semi? Trust to go through any open door? I didn't care who got me out when I spoke Truth. Then I discover Poseidon is real? Oh and Zeus? I can't take back that I called him a man whore? That big white dude with the white beard and hair. I have learned that throughout time God has provided, it is us as the human race whom allowed for us, to decide what was Truth and myth.

Barefoot Blue Jean Night/JO
It was the documentary "The Impressionist" that I leaned a thing or two. Well that and the names go round and round in my family tree of life I stomp through everyday. That our own visionaries, had the same patterns as I and many others, when we are in receiver mode. That these artist and visionaries walked away to form their own club. Away from the unrealistic demands and labels on them and their work. It became political and their value was determined too. As it turns out the same group of people in politics out of where? The UK.

Good Directions/BC
Ben Franklin and Aerostatle the same thing? Receivers and visionaries. Ben Franklin barely went to school in the beginning of his life. What happens is once you figure out energy in any form you can start to see it grow and change. You can see the difference in how they came to be and the results were the same. When I look at other cultures from Asia, and Mazatlan, and Hindu type Gods, I realized one thing these cultures and beliefs are closer to the Truth.

Letters From Home/JMM
They're not sure what the light is. Yet they except that whatever it is out there in the universe that created us, this rock. The Mountains and the waters. The plant life and well my beasties.  It would be Faith. I now know why I love animals so much more than people sometimes. At least you know where you stand in there animal Kingdom. Then we have had many forms of a human race throughout time. When I look at other cultures, including different tribes from all walks of life, they except that their God has different sides. They except that we are connected to this universe, those planets and stars. Then I have this side, I recon the Christian Faiths. They have one God and this God doesn't have different sides or characters that connect him or her to this rock aside from that garden. Distention and heartbreak from the start between sister and brother, man and wife.

Amazed/Lonestar
I laughed when I saw the picture of Adam and Eve each standing on the side of a tree. Out of the top is a female spirit and at the center of that tree stump is a phallic branch that I can't remember if it's Adam or Eve holding onto it. Then I notice they are all white. Hilarious. IC a male figure hushing a female figure. When Kai told me she saw the Mona Lisa? I about died inside, because this mother knows why she's smiling? This mother saw on a documentary how it became famous? It wasn't really known until a thief stole it. Then it became famous.

Die A Happy Man/TR
Kind of like Jack In The Box? It opened the doors to our cattle and what is really going on with our food? How long ago did that man file a case against Oprah? He should of had to reimburse her for her time and money for that bogus suit. I got a flash of another documentary and the food industry? I said to Michail, that is just the reason this started in 2015 with me. It is clearly stated not to hand our gardens over to the entity. Who owns the food industry in these grocery stores? Who owns the food industry behind Corporate America food chain franchises? Corporate America. How about the inhumane way we are treating our food? I'm talking to Corporate America, you poachers and hunters whom are killing my beasties for the kill.

Do I/LB
It says in revelations their is no justice for the people. Their isn't. Since my divorce all I have heard is $10.000. You mother flocking lawyers were to lazy to do your God Damn jobs and you sold the human race out to an insurance company that came along and planted itself in the middle. You allowed it's own entity to determine another human beings value. Our laws in Corporate America, criminal, civil courts and our policemen are all controlled by blanket laws based on a potential liability. Now we have doctors and pharmacist who are judges now too? All based on that potential liability and that scarlet letter A.

Live Like You Were Dying/TM (You think I hurt.)
You crossed these lines a long time ago. If you'd taken care of what you were supposed to in this justice system instead of handing the human race over to a machine, a monopoly at that, feeding itself, the suffering of this Untied States Of America, is an unforgivable crime against humanity. Fuck you and get it the flock off my rock. These ones are called The UNFORGIVEN. I give you my Furious 7 to contend with. My seven deadly sins for what you have done and accused mankind of doing meet my Fate Of The Furious Eight's. Hell God I don't care no more. Pick a door. Heaven or Hell? Tell them Mary sent you.

19 Somethin'/Mark Wills
When I read the symptoms for Bi-Polar I laughed. I said well hell God, how is that not a vision quest? How is that any different than excepting Jesus Christ into your heart like the Christians do when they are saved? How is it any different from, shaman and other spiritual cultures? Well hell God, thank God for the pharma companies and the Clinton's to create the H.P.P.A. laws in the hospitals. Then I read an article about the Clinton's and the pharma companies and an agreement made around the same time. Note it wasn't the most honest site, but I looked at the timing again? I'm done with the blame game. It's time for Truth.

Dirt Road Anthem/JA
It doesn't matter how we got here what is important is that we are here and it is the end of the line. Where the flying flock are my honey bee's? You know the ones I need to pollinate the fruits and flowers to create life on this rock? I'm the Queen Bee of this rock and you choose? Queen Bee or Queen Bitch? Every time I walk across this slavery that was created long ago, the injustice of all this bullshit that never needed to be? Pick a door.

Drinkin' Problem/Midland
Thank you, you Mother Flockin Gin. Good times spent with you. Locked inside a bottle. Now you assholes everyone of you get me the flying flock out of Pandora's box. I'm ready to send these ass wipes back to hell. It didn't help when I went to look up something about Ben Franklin and it was a constellation site that came open to the Ram and where he sits in the universe? He has a backwards head facing toward Pleiades, the seven sisters. With that Taurus that I felt in the beginning. Where is the bull? Why do I feel a bull? Who is the bull? It turns out that Pisces daddy of those seven sisters with two sets of twins is a bull too. HEEE HAAAWWWW!!!!!!

Young/KC
Then I looked at the names of the constellations and stars around the Ram and sitting at his head is the Pisces, which abuts to the Aquarius. I went to print and mother flock, I hate technology and it surely hates me because it won't print again. I know it's to late for hind site but I wish I would of taken that Brother machine that Greg purchased against my wishes. I've only worked with them in offices a time or two. I just wish I would of taken my other two employee's to that base ball diamond and beat the shit out of this brother with a bat.

It's A Little To Late/MC
I didn't do it because I didn't want someone to see an alternative healthcare owner lose her shit on a machine. I personally felt it was a healthy outlet. It was a machine, not a living being that I was taking out my anger on. I just realized what song was playing? I've felt pretty good the last few days sleeping real good for long periods of time. Getting in my workout.

Don't Take The Girl/TM
I loved this song. I recon I'm back to country. Hell I started out life listening to Hank Williams and Johnny Cash, Buck Owen's, and Pearl. My blue eyed grand daddy and uncles all wore, blue jeans, cowboy hats with big belt buckles. Just looking back through my blog, talking to Alex and I read Number Thirteen? That string of 13 pearls on that dollar bill? The painting "The Girl with the pearl earring, and the pair of purple pair earrings that showed up in 2016? Then I saw what the Pisces sign was shaped like? It was a V pointing from the Rams head. How many times have I written anything with a V pointing up to the heavens is better than that black square any day?

My Church/MM
Really God? So you tell me. Let me at them then? Let me chew these assholes out for what they have done over time to my rock and my beasties? What the human race doesn't realize God, is that over time across each nation we used religion and wars to come in, create slavery across the nations because you stole it from the Indigent one's whom were better off without all this middlemen bullshit, that just came along and took it.

Big Green Tractor/JA
For example the Civil War? Each side was given the right to come in and take from the other side. So the red's went to the blue side and stole every thing, raped and destroyed the land pretty much. We did it just before to the natives in this United States. It was that National Geographic from 1944 with the native man. Whom really owned the land before these wars. We killed them off, raped them or enslaved them. I kept going back to Sacajawea because of my location and where I grew up, and Pocahontas? What they went through? I believed Pocahontas was sold to John and she was raped. They kept the peace later. Those names are people that I grew up with.

Remind Me/BP
I'm doing the best I can being stuck with Michail. I'm ready to finish proof reading this and sending it to a publisher. I said to Michail I can't do this for much longer. I know I have met whatever terms of my agreement I made with this man. How he really expects me to stay with him after all this I again will never know? I have made it clear to him that he is not happy. He hurts. He won't help himself. It makes me angry that we have had to work on each other all these years just to move. I can't stay with a unmotivated human being. Two to three days ago supposed to transfer money from one bank to another. Which I requested months ago to fix this two bank account bullshit.

Country Girl/LB
I get up today and my phone doesn't work. He got off early on Saturday, all day yesterday he was off and it was a nice day. Today it's 10:11 and he's still in bed because he literally sat the whole time off in front of the T.V. until four o' clock this morning. I've been up since 4:30 and as usual I have to get him to go to bed, then I have to wake him up. He cooked a meal but I got a dish pit full of dishes. I shopped for it all. I said to Michail. I will take the proceeds from this book and pay you off, and he said what are you talking about, I don't want to split up? How do I tell him he does not meet my need's in more ways than one? I can't stay with a man this irresponsible that thinks he's gonna sweep this under the rug and all forgiven? ARE YOU NUTS? I can't every 2 to 3 days put a fire under this man. Of all days he's wearing that tie die heart shirt. Every family function he wore this shirt. I asked V. what is up with this shirt? She said he's here for love. Where's the Love God? This isn't love. It's survival.

H.O.L.Y./FGL
Yesterday I stood in the doorway with my back to him. I said, "I don't know Michail." What I wanted to say is "you dumbshit, you worshiped the wrong Kyle with the wrong heart." I can't open that door to him yet, even though I know if it was spring or summer I'd be camping in the woods again just to take a break. He works six hours today and he's off again tomorrow. I just want to scream get out of my box. Your like a ball and chain around my mother flocking ankle. Because of you I'm ready to jump ship myself.

Give It Away/GS
Oh God how I have tried to pass this bullshit on? I have no pain meds of any kind but Tylenol and if I go into a tailspin of pain again when this goes down I'm not gonna be happy. That means I'm literally fucked.

Independence Day/MM
The way I feel today God, with Alex and that Boston Tea Party and her hitting her face on a boulder up on Alpental, at age 5? I'm ready to tell you all up there to all go fuck yourselves for this. The dream I had where I was a little girl in the UK being kidnapped and hidden in an RV somewhere in the mountains. I had on a really old fashioned dress and boots. Yes, today I hate you for this God.  Escape To Witch Mountain again God? Which Mountain God? My family is all over this Globe.

Red Dirt Road/B&D
I took pictures the day I dropped off the papers to the AG. On my way back I got off the Link went to smoke, I think Interurban Avenue and my hand went to my heart, then the sobs came on strong. (Music playing in my ears Jesus Take The Wheel) My right hand went into the air. It was from my visionaries, that I am letting them free too. They wanted out of the box from under these negative labels. We are receivers and you don't get to choose nothing.

You'll Think Of Me/KU
You don't get to choose the sin. You don't get to choose the price of sin. You don't get to choose that gateway drug to Jacobs Ladder for some. You don't get to choose the value of another human being. It is not for you to decide nothing about my family. You are no longer the judge. My family owns this rock. My family all  the away around this animal kingdom whether the cosmos, celestial beings, spiritual, alien or science you don't get to choose nothing about the human race and where their souls go. They belong to me and mine.

It Just Comes Natural/GS
Now get your insurance, wars, labels and poison off my rock, Take your blanket justice system and red lining with you. Don't you come back here no more with eyes on my beasties. The way IC it it is you that needs to go. Not the human race. I like my children just fine the way they are thank you very much. Take your droids, your roids, your black tar and white rocks that lie. Get this Pharmaceutical control bullshit off my rock. Don't you ever think about experimenting on my beasties again. We know all we need to know about poison and science. We know what damage some of it does vs. how when mixed with another plant it becomes a medicine. We have all we needed all along.

Farmers Daughter/RA
I've been ranting and raving up above about that vanity list and those assets I lost at TA? Hell God I used to have a cleavage all the way through the B's and the D's, but nooooo, I went from a cleavage to a canal thank you very much. You give me an extra large beastie that went from 250 to 270 and you can take that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and shove it up your ass. Up and out God. My happy ending?

Wagon Wheel/DR
Yeah I'm just letting lose today. Back to turning into a child screaming at God how much  I hate him for this hot mess. I go back to stomping my feet, and slamming doors just like a kid. Around and around I go with this man. I'm not sure if I mentioned that I found the Bruno. I kept hearing Bruno in the beginning. Like Popeye, Olive Oil and Bruno. I haven't really thought to much about that man in the mountain to the East that I face at the end and do some song and dance, (it turns out he has a Bruno too) singing that man is mine. Remember in the beginning I had no idea JC had anything to do with this. I found him. He was the first man in the 1600's that spoke the Truth that we are not the only beings in the Universe.  His name Giordano Bruno. They burned him at the Stake for Heresy. It was also in the 1600's that I found the first documentation of the Nightmare? It was Dave Mayor whom told me what happens to him in his sleep? You are paralyzed when you awake, they are on you and have you pinned down then they take you away. Funny those 6's again.

She's Everything/BP
I found my number 22? My fathers birthday is on 9/22/1936 and Alex was 22. I can't find any info on my brothers life and death in the census records. All I know is his birthday was around my dad's.
She Won't Be Lonely Long/CW
God Gave Me You/BS, BS is right God.
Better Things, I love this little gal. I love CK Lewis and he's another prime example of where a man's head goes to feel wanted. He gets some power and he drops his drawers and grabs his dick hoping they want it, just as bad as he wants them to want it. The Truth is CK they worked for you because of who you are when you represent the regular Joe. That is the man they trusted and admired. You have been on the ball with what it's like to be a regular guy. I loved that about you that was your power that drew the people to you. If you put that aside, you'd get laid allot more. You know what's ugly about you? No, it's not your shell. It's that behavior right their. The wrong kind of power because of how you feel about yourself inside. 

With Me/Lonestar
I'm bringing this up for a reason, it was the episode on Better Things where she is in bed with a man pumping away. He rolls off and ask her if it was good for her too? I laughed. If you have to ask we got a problem in the bedroom. If you are with a woman or significant other. Whomever is top dog then you have to pay attention to her body and what she is doing. During 4play when you are servicing her pay attention to her hips. Pay attention to her body language and how it's reacting to your touch. Don't jump the gun and start getting to rough to fast.
Any Man Of Mine/Shania Twain
If you want to get to the stage where it hurts so good, then build it up. That intensity between two people. Then you can get more pressure in your touch. If you men would step back from women servicing you, and you servicing them a time or two, you'd get laid allot more. Then they feel cared for, like you took the time. They will come back for more. What I am saying is don't be in such a rush with your ABC's slow down you'll get there. After awhile well it's like Jeff Foxworthy said, he's got the combination to his wife's pleasure spot. Once you have that combination switch it up every now and then. Affection goes a long ways with the significant other. Not obsession. Passion people.
Who's Cheatin' Who/AJ
When she was yelling at him at the car scene. She goes I don't know why I slept with you? I'm nice. The Truth is she was hoping it was going to get better. He valued her as a sperm bag for his empty seed and bought her dinner. (I know they were dating for a week or two just an example of how we get stuck today) How we value our women today? Buy ya a drink? Hey you owe me. Flock that. You are all worth more than that. I want this bullshit in the schools stopped too. These mean girls clubs and these little boys who are using these young girls to drop to their knees, to bring your tally up? Please girls, stop.  Stop going into bars with fake ID's lookin' for love. Anything you find there at your age ain't love darlin'. Go back to your garden and grow.
I Do/MW
Angel Eyes/Love and Theft
IC that The Bill Cosby show is still on TV. Are you flocking kidding me? Prime example of the Joker raping women for years but due to the timeline no one could hardly press charges? Once again you make a joke out of rape? I think about Reuben from Pee Wee Herman. He was masturbating in a porn theater. At the time I kept thinking well isn't that the place to do it? He wasn't raping women. He wasn't molesting or raping little children. Granted he has a children's show, but it's his time. It's his life. If humanity really took a look over time how much this one issue has come up, with our politicians, and our actors. Anyone in the public eye. You would be surprised how much of the people we admired whom were flocking around behind the scenes in one form or another. We are not meant to live as slaves. We wouldn't be here if we hadn't created the labels from lies created by the wrong people whom wanted all the power. They not all in our history were all over that O ring young old male and female.
Lookin" For That Girl/TM