To Where U R/JG
I am so mad. So mad at my last discovery. Fuck me now font won't change. It's so tiny I can't C it. Last night Michael was scrolling thru TV shows. It was the Supernatural picture. It was the guy with the voice from the Allstate Insurance commercial. I got a point about the color of God? To U white people, God is of all color. All I knew was that his role in the show was God. I hadn't watched these episodes or even part of. This is where Michael sees the kid who played half evil half light angel. I knew about him. Michael then said, he turned into God. I froze my mind going back to the shadow photo I took. It looked like I had wings. 1 pointy, 1 rounded. The pointy wing was a very heavy bag from the HEN.
Come Thou Font Of Every Blessing/CR Peace Like A River
The Angels 101 book I used as my guide. Carried it on me everyday in my backpack or back pack purse. I've been thinking lately about how God said His Son in His making. I accepted Jesus Christ as God. Heaven on earth. What God is in the son on this rock. Then when I get taken back to those three dreams with JC. He said it then and there. He validated it in His words. It went right over my head at the time. I'm screaming 3 flashes 3 dreams. I'm punching Him . Screaming at Him No. No. I don't want to know I don't want to go back. He looked at me like I'm being ridiculous. Like oh for Pete's sake, "Colleen, I'm God. I will B right beside U"
How Great Thou Art/CU
I didn't pick this music. I promise.. I'm just as surprised as U R. I thot it was one Christian Song. I have some in Thumbprint radio on this journey. The first songs that played, as I'm stomping back late at night. I think I was raped or another mental institution for praying peacefully. I felt like I had a staff in my hand. Fire works going off behind me. I get stopped once again by a local cop. He knew who I was. He knew right where I was going. I didn't hide. I stayed in the open as much as possible. The locals knew right where I slept at. Hell probably served him his food. He gets out of his truck and he say's. " Colleen, where U headed?" Didn't know it was illegal to be walking? Didn't know it was illegal 2B homeless? Not on my mountain. Not on my rock. I said, I'm heading back.
Theory Of A Dead Man/Wait 4 Me
Back to my white vinyl sign I laid my head. My naturally shaped skull rock above my head. U don't get to tell me I'm manic because of lack of sleep. I was never sleep deprived out here. I napped in Torgeson Park. I cried I screamed, I wailed at another large boulder. A climbing rock behind that. I was so mad when I figured out what it was about later. Making me pray for someone I didn't ask 4 once again. I'm wailing and screaming. On my knees both hands in the air. "BRING THAT MAN HOME. BRING THAT MAN HOME 2 ME. I must of sat there a half hour doing this.
I slept on the gold mound facing East The mountain with the man with the bruno beard. Trying Not 2 Love U/5back The Final Phase.
ANIMAL/DL/Hysteria
I went back to my white vinyl sign and slept. Hell one night I slept openly in that gold field off of red rock road. That man again. Telling me he's going to die. I'm screaming No No and running. Out loud standing in the middle of the road, I collapsed in the field at about midnight and I curled up in a ball, saying I don't care about the rat's and the snakes. I woke up cold and went to my spiritual gold mound. Where I had a very spiritual orgasmic experience. First I had to wash my whole body with river water. I added mother natures wares to it. I had to rinse my mouth and paint my nails. Right when I felt Him touch me not knowing who, I said Oh Id recognize that touch from anywhere. I rolled for the Lions 2X and the bears 1X. Then I went into another area that laid flat, and I laid back and orgasimed 1 more time for the bears. Feeling like I'm Anita Baker policing the ware animals, the lycanthrope and that ardeur.
Live And Let Die/Gun's And Roses
As usual how many time's have they shown me? How many mother flocking times? Hell JC told me He was God walking back in time. Scrooged is right. I already know that it was Nike who lightening bolted me. I still just saw myself as JC and I knew He was a part of me. I still saw God as Crystal clear energy, but not me. Not me. I saw it as I was just the messenger, representing God and His/Her family.
Centuries/ FOB
God still stood outside of me. Like he did with JC. I already knew that no matter what. Even with JC on this rock he's the God son. He's I guess I was kind of seeing him as a God. It didn't dawn on me that I'm God. Oh FUCK U. Just Fuck U. I knew U were gonna lightening bolt me. I accepted even as that lightening bolt kept getting bigger and bigger. Fuck I accepted when U told me on the bus that I'm not Eve this time, I'm Eve's mother. This to me was still about Kiley. A virgin and the conversation when she said she needed me. She doesn't even no what to do with boy's. I truly remember that feeling. I asked my sister about boys in 7th grade. Zina's behavior was already over the top. I got back handed by my sister. I flew off the bed across the room and hit my back and head on the dresser.
With Arms Wide Open/Creed
Then she saw what she did. Now she's rubbing my forehead holding me. I just wanted to ask some normal questions. I tried again after she moved to Germany. I was in the 9th grade. I got a letter back from my sister that said I'm just a spoiled rotten little princess bitch. It wasn't until we got older and had kids that I learned she had to clean my room. Zion Mary pulling my name in every screaming argument that I had nothing 2 do with didn't help one God damned bit. She'd scream that I'm her favorite.
It was about Zion Mary one conversation after I was 18 and my sister moved in for a little while that she saw it 2. Zion telling me to stand up straight. Suck in my stomach. Like I'm some kind of princess. My sister said something at dinner one night the 3 of us. I'm like 5 3 90 to 93 lbs, and she's nit picking the fuck out of me. I have learned to ignore it over my life If I didn't and I took heart to what she said to me I'd be anorexic or bulimic. My sister points to me and looks at my mother and she goes why R U like this with her?
Prayed 4U/MS
U didn't weigh her weight since grade school. Zion didn't say 1 word. Neither me or my sister are going to last past the next winter with this woman. I'm God and I probably picked this bitch to B my mother. She has left so many bodies in her path. They showed me in 9th grade that she's not happy unless she makes U scream. They walked me thru step by step word for word. Evey punch and kick she doled out I was told to give right back. She just went off on me. Fist and feet flying everywhere. She wasn't hurting me. Then they told me to scream. I screamed and she stopped. As I walked back to my room where Gwen was waiting 4 me when Zion Mary show's up in my room to pick a fight. This is how less and less I had company over. U have no idea how many relationships she has destroyed in my lifetime. Especially what she said to my twin in my family? She has ruined so many relationships.
When I've Been Drinking/JP
The other Joker the other Fool. Yeah Gregory Allan. Mr GAP. Mr. 666. All I said was when he calls wanting to come up for the weekend, I was always okay. I just didn't want her to say yes and I have reservations or a wedding to attend. That was it. He calls and want's to come up and my mother told me what she said. I was embarrassed and horrified. Like he'd really want to visit now? Talk about doling out rejection. Like he did something wrong? He did nothing wrong. She said "I told him he can't just call up and invite himself over. I knew she said it angrily to him just like she is repeating it to me. My God he's my cousin. All my cousins visited for a week or a weekend. They were with me the whole time. Not her.
We Were/KU
My mind goes back 2 God.
Not God? Oh Come on. I represent U guys. I am the messenger. I speak for U all. Please don't let me be God. Fuck Fuck Fuck. I never wanted to B any God, Goddess, angel or deity. I never wanted power or riches. I just wanted to be happy in love with my husband and children. My family. I wanted my children to be loved and happy. I liked lots of people being a part of their lives I thot it would enrich their lives. That way they wouldn't be so judgemental. Learn the good leave the bad behind U. No harm no foul. I never said that out loud. Then people want to step in and be just that. They want to be the ones to inspire. To teach and speak. That's my job, not anyone else's. I wanted it to happen naturally.
If I Told U/DR.
I hate this planet. This is purgatory. This is hell. Nothing adds up. Not one god dammed thing.
Calling All Angels/Train/My Private Nation
How perfect of a song. I've been pacing wanting to chain smoke, pace stretch then I start to dance. I'm in shock Still. processing. The higher these assholes and bitches go with their wit and humor step by stepping stone by stepping stone. Around ind around each God prophet and angel, which are my guides. Yes your God's are my guides and take Allah I think that's the right spelling. I didn't know that the emotional blog that I signed Allah too, I really didn't know who he was or the religion or the story, but I remember the company and the guy that just bugged me every day to go to Wendy's with him for lunch.
Californication/RHCP
I looked at my friend and lead whom I stayed with for 3 weeks during the gas and oil shortage. Plus the bad storm. This is where I lost custody of my kids. For that storm and oil shortage. No I have to pay 10000 bucks for a lawyer? The set up was so bad in the beginning. I had this judge tell me I deserve everything I have coming to me. A Mormon lawyer told me this too. I said what is happening now. I went in just some of very little of how this came to be. They keep showing me how I sat in chains. No more friends. No more volunteer work. No more play groups. No more evenings out with our friends. It is silent. I was completely abandoned, and no one bothered to ask. I knew what people thot of Greg. Oh so funny. Oh so charming. Oh so caring. He's a natrupathic doctor. They are showing me that I was the herbalist and the Naturopath. Not Greg. I had the brains and brawn. Greg was dumb as a box of rocks.
Light's out/BB Shallow Bay
Shallow Hal? IC a lot of this. U know people don't need to just look in the mirror at your own physical flaws or what you feel R physical flaws. U need to look inside. I can't end all this body image shaming until U do to. We change as we get older. Remember Faith is the key, the lion heart, courage. Wisdom the brain. U get wisdom from the heart b4 U even think to judge another or make them pay.
Nobody Praying 4 Me/ SEETHER
Truth Seeker. The Book of Vines. The book of life.
Awesome song. I want to dance. I slept all night on ice. I have been rolling the knot's, trying to get my locked up spine and neck to adjust. When Michael pushed on a very small knot on the right of C4 it was like an electrical zap went thru my brain. The Complex migraines were bad for a few days but so was my neck, especially at C3.
My Last Breath/ Everessence
So I'm God? Fuck me. Talk about Thunderstruck. Okay I've been writing I still stand, but now where do I stand? Even in the center of this complex it will blow out their windows. Do I go next door where it was painted in green Gods spot? It was where I saw a piece of plastic that had been ran over. I took a photo. It was the exact Punisher emblem. I recon this is one of my question and answer session. I don't always get words. I learn there point by walking thru more slavery. I walk thru it my answer at times to a question, I mean the complete answer is done in steps. Then I forget. My Faith is strong.
Not Strong Enough/Apolcalyptica
Hey they pick the music. It seems my writers and musicians carry Truth inside them just at the right moment for me to learn something new. Talk about a purge. I haven't cried at this discovery. My anger here is diispitating. Yes I know why God said in the beginning Mary Cochran Stone and James Wayne Robertson aren't one of God's?
Body Like A Back Road/SH
My Clue wasn't just the names what happened then. Well the twin fator. After my father showed up about 6 years after he died in a very vivid dream. I woke up like in acceptance of him. First it was just why my father came to give me a message about Jim? He said he's not a good man. My answer to him, was all he need's is love. The next dream about Jim was with my Uncle Marvin. The reason why I felt like I had an uncle close by with darkness in him and he wanted to get to me.
I hadn't connected my own uncle to this. Like an Anne Rice novel. I hadn't even connected that both my father and uncle showed up about Jim. My second dream was I stepped out of the attic window on a glass platform. My uncle standing like he always did. Big belly, baggy butt jeans and hands in pockets. Head down. Of course I'm a knothead thru my grandfather and uncles. I have a few more in my family. That family trait is Akaknoten then king Tut then well Moses. He was here to end slavery.
Good Life/ 1 Republic.
Another fitting song and title of group. Still not picking. Then I discover Moses brother another story a staff named what to my twin? Arron. Yes. Wait until the Kennedy's find out who they descend from. I felt a real Jackie O for awhile. I had a Jackie O outfit. Royal purple. Then the history channel. The documentary with Lincoln and Jackie O. How cheaply she redecorated the white house? Flock me. History. Another mother flocking curse and feminism. The role women still played in society. Like 2 thousand years later do U in any house upstairs or downstairs fully proceeses equality? Mysoginist still in every house. All because U have 2 dingalings. Between your legs and ears. Dumb shite mother flockers.
Shape Of U/ES
No comments:
Post a Comment