A New Discovery On My Prayers

I'm not sure if it's in a past post, like one of the last 3 maybe. They keep taking me back 2 show me more. Deeply, higher to the Truth. 

I wrote about this journal maybe. I realized they put me in another position of emotions To get t the prayer out of me. 

8 begged for Greg's life his soul for the sake of my children. The night under the full moon on the red rock. They said he goes down in a plane in 4 years. Actually it was we. 

It was the God Damned same mother flocking prayer I said 4 Greg. I was running down a deserted road screaming no. No

 No. They already lost their mother, don't make them lose their father too. This was the night * slept on the ground in the gold field. I said I don't care about the rats and snakes. 

Some of U 9n my path I've been tempted 2 send 2 hell, but I can't. Not when I look at the laws and the abuse of power.

 I'm tak8ng it all back. None of U will get my power. 

Friday The 13th

I am pissed again. It seem's In 2 to 3 day's I lost a week plus. ON tueasday I knew the date. It dawned on me Friday the 13th. I was so mad on Friday the `13th Mother's Day when I stuck the flag in the ground, I wanted itto end not be a sign. My feet were killing me I could barely walk. Especially hard wood floors or cement. In 2 day's time from tuesday to Thursday, I thot Thursday was Friday and I thot it was next wek for Friday the 13th. I'm telling myself yes. I can do this. I can get this done. Friday the thirteenth is one week from today. It was Thursday and Friday the 13th was the next day. I was thinking at the time to post this on Michael's birthday the 17th of August on a Tuesaday. Still thinking over a week away. All because I get on this post. connect to the clouds I lose track.

Papa Loves Mama.GB

Everything sunk in last night after I got on the calendar. The messages I sent Michael the day b4, about his birthday asking question's about payday and paying to eat out for his birthday. No wonder Michael was confused. I don't know if it's the movies and my family reunions about the fourth of July and the apocoplyse? Even though I'm a smart ass singing and dancing in Joy and Faith, I lack Faith when I have no idea when U want me to do this? Will I even be able to move B4 this, let alone lift anything of my body without painmeds? Pain meds and sumthing like a real muscle relaxer might help to get me thru. I know what will rellay get me thru is U. Only U well and my many many guides have the power to move me. TO speak thru me. When? When? When? It has been such a long haul in so many way's. It's not overly stressing me. Yet it is so in the back of my mind everyday, the one U want 2B, is he still alive? 

All I ever wanted CW

I really really hate U right now.

The Curse Of The Pig

That's My Story/CR

Still connecting. I keep going back to the pig. The first time it came up in my life? When I stopped eating ham? What the trigger was? What family I was with when I started eating ham again? Who served me ham the day I was handed a 2 page document saying I can't enter anywhere or do anything in my office except be a patient in the waiting area. When I had legal custody of my father, he's in a nursing home. His 3rd home in 3 years. During this time of all times, I'm in the middle of another big project, taking out a wall in my house. My father, my children, Greg's family, still not knowing it is I whom came dead last in everything.Not that Greg's parents would care. 

I had no choice but 2 open a Chiropractor office. Greg's income went from 5 thousand bucks a month, it slowly dwindled down to 1500 bucks. 

If I didn't beat feet we'd lose everything. Especially that piece of shit house. I had a plan in 2 day's. I get a call from him telling me I have 2 do my part on the office physically. With my own 2 hand's. This is what I mean by no credit. I was in there the night of my father's funeral doing my part. He didn't C the game plan. The legwork going in2 it. The going in2 Issaquah Lowe's and Je Depot pricing and picking up everything I need 2 begin with. Drawing up plans. Dealing with the city. Dealing with signage. U let Mary and Greg after all this my part bullshite. Running again 2 Issaquah whenever they needed more of sumthing. It's par for the course for me 2 drop what I'm doing 2 pack up my kid's and run last minute errands 4 him. Did he one time help me when I asked 4 or needed help? Nope. I let these 2 blackmail me by getting billed 50 percent of his school loans if I said anything about what they did. 

Knowing what I know now from then, I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. Where was your so called blanket justified system? Flock U don't U ever tell me what to be thankful 4. Jaded is right. I said to Kevin when he called me that and explained what it meant. That I don't believe in love. I'm saying in my head, "well if the shoe fit's." I don't believe in love? I don't believe in a happy ending?

Living Blind/CB

Blind Justice, in a system that we have no justice. River of denial not just upstairs. Everywhere. Righteousness. U know what is missing on Justice's statue? A blind fold. I keep feeling like I discovered something huge yesterday morning? I did. Trying to reah it again. I do know what I have connected in my life. Those pigs. Who R the pig's anyway's? Is it the cop's? R they the pig's that Jesus put the demon's in the pig's?

Big Green Tractor/JA

Yup just one way. I mean we have our very sick white meat the chicken's whom R sick before they get to the slaughter. They serve us up. They can't keep up. SO we R served this poison. Then pork become's my new white meat. Who own's the pork industry. Corporate America. They get a write off serving us this shite. What do we get? What do they get? We get put in a black box any way they can. They poisoned the host any way they can to feed an industry. U passed law's Big Brother to support this. I hate U I hate I hate U. 

Her Man/Ga

 mother flocking tax machine. One thing I remembered was the pig. When my father first expalined why they called him Pij. Wgen I was kittle I asked my father why does everyone call him Pij? My father explained that he was only 2. He wasn't happy about having a little brother. He was it and he liked it that way. He explained. I was trying to say pig., it came out pij. The name stuck for the rest of Richard's life. A teacher in CAlifornia whom married a Penny the copper penny. Another teacher.

Modern Day Bonnie And Clyde/TT

The next time pig's and ham came up. Gwen's mother Sue Noon. The new CHristian. Christian Crazy for JEsus CHrist. Wait till she find's out JC was sitting at her table all those yars. She chose Mr. 666. Not the daughter. The little gorl that she saw no crazy or mental illness anytime ever. Gwen myself and Sue visited a nursing home with Gwen's dog named Peppy. Gwen had to bathe and trim Peppy B4 we went. A woman in a wheelchair and no nose just 2 hole's in her face, like a pig. She is scooching her feet in her wheel chair moving closer to me and gwen arm's out stretched. The number four keep's coming up here. I kept thinkink this happened in fourth grade, but I know we didn't start hanging out until the fifth grade. That night at dinner Sue served mushy ham. Not falling apart at the bone. If this ham had a bone I had no idea. I got a lash of that woman with a pig nose, I didn't eat ham again.

Red Rock Road/B And D

I didn't eat ham until Greg's mother's ham. I didn't eat bacon for many year's after I learned from an hrbologist the worm's that to much pork leaves in your intestines. The next time I had ham was Mary Cochran Stone. The day B4 my surgery that was planned month's B4. He call's me telling me I have to meat with Mary Stone. We had had a argument just B4. I thot Greg hired someone to catch up the basic book's. I had been asking him since that winter to hire help. He didn't want to pay out. I was slammed. Slammed. It's sumwheree in here where the firsttime in our whole marriage afterall this bullshit hearing I have to do my part. DO my part hand's doing sumthing in that office. I have to do my part on my part that while he's earning 1500 enuf for our mortgage. I'm running and gunning with 2 lil girls in tow pricing finding space and dealing with the city. The floor plan. All that we needed in this office. I priced everything down tothe penny.

Bless This BRoken Road

WHen that man showed up at my door telling me he's having an affair. He could of killed us if he'd been mental. The mental one was my husband whom truly ignored me during this. He didn't acknowledge anything about his wife after all these years. Now she has two daughter's/ All this time? All these year's is about to be gone in one clean swoop. I hate this man. I hate this man. I hate this man.The only ham I ate B4 this was my grandmother Lilies. I stopped as a child then it was this black cloud family.

Kerosene/CL

In Hawaii, when Gwen and I went. It must of been about or it was 16. I've been to remember ezaclty when I lost my virginty. It was Easter Weekend, must of been 1984. I made Kevin wait 6 months. I was fifteen the summer we met. I don't know then what came first my birthday or Easter? When Gwen and myself were in Hawaii this is where I first heard about boar's. This is also the 3rd and 4th place I almost drowned. The fourth, honeymoon. The toilet bowl. One of the five views from round top park. I didn't know then what I now have learned that at any serious situation when it came down to me or mine, my children. All he did was place his hand on my shoulder and laugh. Serious anddeadly the same reaction forthe rest of my life. Then after he'd finish with me, 2 hours of him treating me like I'm inhuman and I don't exist in bed. I am now just an unfeeling hole. Afterhe'd finish flip flopping me aroung like a rag doll kitty cat in bed, I'd turn over and that is when I'd C 2 human being's with boar's head's manking bacon. Sumtime's my tear's ran quietly. Sumtimes just inside.

Love Story/TS

U know what God. I don't care who the flying flock U R. I don't feel love still. Just pain. Aside from begging for Greg's, Michael's and then Kyles soul. I don't feel an overwhelming love from U. Regardless of my survival so far, feeling what it is like feeling my unborn children, and others whom have vrossed on. U drop to your knees hand in the air U can't help it. It just is. I don't feel that/ Just because your here now and I discover back then. Later like an awakening. U all have doled out your own justice each in your own way upon me. U have been there all along. Okay so you've been there all along. YOu've been inside all along. Why don't I feel love from U other than U have my heart. U R ready at the helm? I have faith. I feel protected, but love I don't feel.

Love sumbody like U/KU

Softly And Tenderly Cu My Savior

 I'm going to try and go back if I even have the photos still. My 6903 number phone was stolen. Passwords and usernames. pictures walking thru my day every day that I was being shown. It was my 17 year old kitty river dance. I walked under the bridge and to my left was a cement  rock wall. In a black pen it said trust in him with a cross. When I woke up this morning I saw white streaks in the tree's. I was picking up sperm. It looked like my lynx cat came thru jumping thru the trees all around us. Now it was egg's. It made me wonder right then if whatever is down where I stuck that staff, Like it was a snake having babies. I drop my back pack purse. My two coats Gary gave me, One looked like a Navy black pea coat that said zero king. The other a Australian raincoat. I  remember the next photo walking along the river the first boulder looked like a Ram's head. I took a photo. The last one red stairs. 

I Like The Way I Burn

I'm swinging my ass 2 the East bending over, singing that man is mine. I swinging dropping and getting down rhythm and rhyming. On the way back I'm waving my phone in the air. My hair is up in a 50's pony O on my head. It was a yellow wrist band wrapped 12 times around. At the end I looked to my left and said bring it daddy. I looked 2 my right and said bring it mommy. Went back to the boulder my bag and my Sumatriptan and sinus pain medicine is also gone. My poetry, my visions. My first journal gone. All I have to say is it better be brother red who took it. I was up early the next morning looking every where. knocking on local doors. I was pissed. My 0 King coat is gone also. Sitting by the river an opened bottle of Tylenol still sealed next to a unused honey chap stick. My Australian coat left drag marks going in the direction back out, I picked it up half way up the path. Leaving the Tylenol; and chap stick. I was so pissed. 

 My Immortal/Everessence

I always intend to go back through my journals. All those discovery's and conversations. I get so far ahead I don't even know where to look. I had the movie Lincoln on. It was verse he quoted on equality. He also said he was an uneducated man but this stuck in his mind. Didn't quite understand name Euclid or is? 

All things that are equal 2 the same thing are equal to each other. It's balance it's mathematical reasoning. 

Common notion begin with equality origin balance fairness and Justice.

I don't believe or know if I've written about the Jezebel being inside me and what this medium did. She said she is very powerful and leaned back in her chair. As I walked out she gave me a wide berth.  I knew that God knew she was there. I felt nothing, no energy surge. Nothing.

The name Elijah. The name I gave Kiley's Irish twin. Elijah Todd. I told Zion I want my brother to have a peaceful name. I discovered Elijah in kings, Israelite King named Omri. A neighbor boy. Baby blue's too. An Ahab married a woman named Jezebel. 

Loser/3 doors down

On June 22nd of this year I was looking up the astronomy charts. I remembered long ago that it said I'm house 1. It said he's house 12. this site went even further in to detail. My house say's the beginning. His house say's the end, healing and closure. On this chart the number 69 wasn't Pisces. Another clue. U know the book's called Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus? I'd like to add something to this one that King Planet in the Universe, in my experience Men Are Stupider From Jupiter. It doesn't matter the truth. Thin skinned yellow bellied pussy boy's if U ask me.

RX Medicate

No. No. That's okay I got this. As usual, I got this. As usual U men stand around with all your hierarchy, I got this one. Don't any of U fret none. If it wasn't for a wrist band I got from Michael's that is Psalms 36.6 She will not fail.

Monsters

 Monsters/Shinedown

Sitting here once again trying to process that I'm God? I still have to go back and cut and paste my last post. Supernatural and the little brother half dark half light? The angel that turned into God? I froze. I know why they keep taking me around and around, going lower or higher. Hell some days I don't know. JC told me he was God taking me back thru my dreams. That was Halloween 2016. Blue cap shrooms. He said it, Colleen I'm God. Then I heard him yet I still processed Him as outside me. God is out there, the energy I stood in front of God 4 times. Crystal clear every where.. Eye on is one of the first words. I kept seeing Isaac Newton his big eye on me. Then it sunk in energy. Standing in front of a energy panel, being asked to leave a restaurant at 3:16? I needed fuel to keep stomping my feet on that steel grate. Letting it know ICU. I'm cumming back for U.  I knew it had to do with Alex her time of birth. Hell her birthday and the number 13. The moment Alex was born I kept feeling an energy between us that is bouncing off each other. Conversations with my counselor talking about Alex and energy. The blue bowls, cherries and energy. Never enuf love. Then the hole in the bottom of the bowl.

Sweet Home Alabama/LS

Then the Atom, the Adam and the Atom bomb came first. Then, we are watching U and the big eye in the sky. Which one I ask today? So many, so many God's  and Goddess' that God has provided thru out history and time.  Talk about money being the root of all evil.? Sin, morality and taxes? Fines like flies? Fees like fleas?  U have a pretty high price on sin IC. So much we don't C. Then well at that energy panel, I put my hand on it, and I said brothers, codes , doors. Then it was the ION. Then Protron, Electron and Neutron. Jimmy Neutron is where my mind went right at that moment. Then I'm asking hey isn't this that P word? Am I doing that P. word.? Isn't this the Atom. I wondered for the longest time who was working with me on this one. Hearing scribe and now understanding why I wrote P.E.N. Power Of Pen. The Atom.

Don't Stop Believing/Journey

Going back to okay. Closer 2 acceptance.  I finally get it this man from my dreams that I only saw the back of is God in His making. The real one. Okay. Before I was still seeing Him as JC not God. To me God is inside U. The soul. The heart of the soul U do not C. Not literally standing inside me.? That seems 2 B the case. Then two spirits, the mother and father. Inside Michael was ISIS on the right and OSIRIS on the left. It took I have no idea how long to connect ISIS on the right inside Michael. I mean the first word was ISIS, then twin towers, and Oregon/organ. Then I'm an aunt and the petulant child. 

Rockstar/Nickelback

I saw the lightening bolt the mother. Still not processing that the man in the navy bright blue t shirt is The God and He's inside me? Shock, thunderbolt? Don't we all want to be a star today? A superstar.? I finally processed last night that why I was standing in front of a yellow house in Fall City with a star in front. Then Ancient Aliens and ISIS holding up the sun. I'm being a smart ass. Always A-Ten in this family tree line. I can do no wrong. I didn't clue in when Michael told me his birth star is the sun. I knew he was a twin flame by then. Still not comprehending. I didn't comprehend when I asked how are U going 2 bring Chiva and ISIS together? The answer came on the TV right then. ISIS holding up the sun. Yes I'm bent over head in closet, hearing just breath. Then the song came on. I was hyperventilating. Now I'm figuring out just looking at the power in the sun the creation of the sun is God. Well I don't know how to be God?

Free Falling/Tom Petty and the Heart Breakers

I really am the Queen of the Damned, The God Damned. U know if I had known it was going to be 6 years later on this agreement. I would of never made the agreement. U all kept stringing me along. First it's one crazy thing. NOOOOO! Then 4 years he dies in a plane crash. Then I heard 1 year in Issaquah 2016. I'm pissed at that. Still seeing the jack ass being led by a rope and a golden carrot dangling in front. On and on U go. Just cum in me and end it already. I hate being the only one knowing the Truth.

Cum Monday/JB

"OH CUM ON. I HATE THIS PLANET. THIS IS PURGATORY. THIS IS HELL. HELLS KITCHEN IS RIGHT. U POISONED MY LOVE. U POISONED MY SEED, U POISONED MY TRUTH."

Jesus Take The Wheel/CU

It just dawned on me, the Seraphin. The Fiery 01 is the sun this time. 

A little while later still processing, walking back thru connecting more dot's to more answer's. Answer's on Leonardo Davinci. The painting's with the curly haired man pointing his finger up. The curly hair is making waves. My mother in law accusing me of being the one making waves and hearing Greg once again lie. Blame me for a decision we both made. We both agreed to. Wes and Molly Quigley telling me starting at 7 mont's with Alex, that I need to tell her no. I need to teach her now. Disciplin her now. Then again at age 3. All week Molly wouldn't let it go. 

Pointing the finger up part, I saw as them in the heaven's up above. That God in the heaven's up above. That creation in the heaven's up above. Out there, outside me energy. My emotion's energy and the storms. The atom energy. Alex energy. Lift a rock I am there, energy. Is a rock a weapon? David and Goloath. This planet energy. This universe energy. So much energy. Everything is energy. God is inside us. Blood is energy with the heart and soul. U don't just need the brain and heart to think and feel and function. It's all energy in that central nervous system too. I've even written he cums from within. U don't C Him. He's your soul. I've written the Dog Star. The God Daughter. The Dogter. Yet still didn't compute that I am literally The God.  That 01 is me, the God? Can't we go back to the JC?

I Hate This Mother Flocking Planet

To Where U R/JG

I am so mad. So mad at my last discovery. Fuck me now font won't change. It's so tiny I can't C it. Last night Michael was scrolling thru TV shows. It was the Supernatural picture. It was the guy with the voice from the Allstate Insurance commercial.  I got a point about the color of God? To U white people, God is of all color. All I knew was that his role in the show was God. I hadn't watched these episodes or even part of. This is where Michael sees the kid who played half evil half light angel. I knew about him. Michael then said, he turned into God. I froze my mind going back to the shadow photo I took. It looked like I had wings. 1 pointy, 1 rounded. The pointy wing was a very heavy bag from the HEN.

 

Come Thou Font Of Every Blessing/CR Peace Like A River  

The Angels 101 book I used as my guide.  Carried it on me everyday in my backpack or back pack purse. I've been thinking lately about how God said His Son in His making. I accepted Jesus Christ as God. Heaven on earth. What God is in the son on this rock. Then when I get taken back to those three dreams with JC. He said it then and there. He validated it in His words. It went right over my head at the time. I'm screaming 3 flashes 3 dreams. I'm punching Him . Screaming at Him No. No. I don't want to know I don't want to go back. He looked at me like I'm being ridiculous.  Like oh for Pete's sake, "Colleen, I'm God. I will B right beside U"

How Great Thou Art/CU

I didn't pick this music. I promise.. I'm just as surprised as U R. I thot it was one Christian Song. I have some in Thumbprint radio on this journey.  The first songs that played, as I'm stomping back late at night. I think I was raped or another mental institution for praying peacefully. I felt like I had a staff in my hand. Fire works going off behind me. I get stopped once again by a local cop. He knew who I was. He knew right where I was going. I didn't hide. I stayed in the open as much as possible. The locals knew right where I slept at. Hell probably served him his food. He gets out of his truck and he say's. " Colleen, where U headed?"  Didn't know it was illegal to be walking? Didn't know it was illegal 2B homeless? Not on my mountain. Not on my rock. I said, I'm heading back.

Theory Of A Dead Man/Wait 4 Me

Back to my white vinyl sign I laid my head. My naturally shaped skull rock above my head. U don't get to tell me I'm manic because of lack of sleep. I was never sleep deprived out here. I napped in Torgeson Park. I cried I screamed, I wailed at another large boulder.  A climbing rock behind that. I was so mad when I figured out what it was about later. Making me pray for someone I didn't ask 4 once again. I'm wailing and screaming. On my knees both hands in the air. "BRING THAT MAN HOME. BRING THAT MAN HOME 2 ME. I must of sat there a half hour doing this. 

I slept on the gold mound facing  East The mountain with the man with the bruno beard. Trying Not 2 Love U/5back The Final Phase. 

ANIMAL/DL/Hysteria

I went back to my white vinyl sign and slept. Hell one night I slept openly in that gold field off of red rock road. That man again. Telling me he's going to die. I'm screaming No No and running.  Out loud standing in the middle of the road,  I collapsed in the field at about midnight and I curled up in a ball,  saying I don't care about the rat's and the snakes. I woke up cold and went to my spiritual gold mound. Where I had a very spiritual orgasmic experience. First I had to wash my whole body with river water. I added mother natures wares to it. I had to rinse my mouth and paint my nails. Right when I felt Him touch me not knowing who, I said Oh Id recognize that touch from anywhere. I rolled for the Lions 2X and the bears 1X. Then I went into another area that laid flat, and I laid back and orgasimed 1 more time for the bears. Feeling like I'm Anita Baker policing the ware animals, the lycanthrope and that ardeur.

Live And Let Die/Gun's And Roses

As usual how many time's have they shown me? How many mother flocking times? Hell JC told me He was God walking back in time. Scrooged is right. I already know that it was Nike who lightening bolted me. I still just saw myself as JC and I knew He was a part of me. I still saw God as Crystal clear energy, but not me. Not me. I saw it as I was just the messenger, representing God and His/Her family. 

Centuries/ FOB

God still stood outside of me. Like he did with JC. I already knew that no matter what. Even with JC on this rock he's the God son. He's I guess I was kind of seeing him as a God. It didn't dawn on me that I'm God. Oh FUCK U. Just Fuck U. I knew U were gonna lightening bolt me. I accepted even as that lightening bolt kept getting bigger and bigger.  Fuck I accepted when U told me on the bus that I'm not Eve this time, I'm Eve's mother. This to me was still about Kiley. A virgin and the conversation when she said she needed me. She doesn't even no what to do with boy's. I truly remember that feeling. I asked my sister about boys in 7th grade. Zina's behavior was already over the top. I got back handed by my sister. I flew off the bed across the room and hit my back and head on the dresser.

With Arms Wide Open/Creed

Then she saw what she did. Now she's rubbing my forehead holding me. I just wanted to ask some normal questions. I tried again after she moved to Germany. I was in the 9th grade. I got a letter back from my sister that said I'm just a spoiled rotten little princess bitch. It wasn't until we got older and had kids that I learned she had to clean my room. Zion Mary pulling my name in every screaming argument that I had nothing 2 do with didn't help one God damned bit. She'd scream that I'm her favorite. 

It was about Zion Mary one conversation after I was 18 and my sister moved in for a little while that she saw it 2. Zion telling me to stand up straight. Suck in my stomach. Like I'm some kind of princess. My sister said something at dinner one night the 3 of us. I'm like 5 3 90 to 93 lbs, and she's nit picking the fuck out of me. I have learned to ignore it over my life If I didn't and I took heart to what she said to me I'd be anorexic or bulimic. My sister points to me and looks at my mother and she goes why R U like this with her?

Prayed 4U/MS

U didn't weigh her weight since grade school. Zion didn't say 1 word.  Neither me or my sister are going to last past the next winter with this woman. I'm God and I probably picked this bitch to B my mother. She has left so many bodies in her path. They showed me in 9th grade that she's not happy unless she makes U scream. They walked me thru step by step word for word. Evey punch and kick she doled out I was told to give right back. She just went off on me. Fist and feet flying everywhere. She wasn't hurting me. Then they told me to scream. I screamed and she stopped. As I walked back to my room where Gwen was waiting 4 me when Zion Mary show's up in my room to pick a fight. This is how less and less I had company over. U have no idea how many relationships she has destroyed in my lifetime. Especially what she said to my twin in my family? She has ruined so many relationships.

When I've Been Drinking/JP

The other Joker the other Fool. Yeah Gregory Allan. Mr GAP. Mr. 666. All I said was when he calls wanting to come up for the weekend, I was always okay. I just didn't want her to say yes and I have reservations or a wedding to attend. That was it. He calls and want's to come up and my mother told me what she said. I was embarrassed and horrified. Like he'd really want to visit now? Talk about doling out rejection. Like he did something wrong? He did nothing wrong. She said "I told him he can't just call up and invite himself over. I knew she said it angrily to him just like she is repeating it to me. My God he's my cousin. All my cousins visited for a week or a weekend. They were with me the whole time. Not her. 

We Were/KU

My mind goes back 2 God. 

Not God? Oh Come on. I represent U guys. I am the messenger. I speak for U all. Please don't let me be God. Fuck Fuck Fuck. I never wanted to B any God, Goddess, angel or deity. I never wanted power or riches. I just wanted to be happy in love with my husband and children.  My family. I wanted my children to be loved and happy. I liked lots of people being a part of their lives I thot it would enrich their lives. That way they wouldn't be so judgemental. Learn the good leave the bad behind U. No harm no foul.  I never said that out loud. Then people want to step in and be just that.  They want to be the ones to inspire. To teach and speak. That's my job, not anyone else's. I wanted it to happen naturally.

If I Told U/DR. 

I hate this planet. This is purgatory. This is hell. Nothing adds up. Not one god dammed thing.

Calling All Angels/Train/My Private Nation

How perfect of a song. I've been pacing wanting to chain smoke, pace stretch then I start to dance. I'm in shock Still. processing. The higher these assholes and bitches go with their wit and humor step by stepping stone by stepping stone. Around ind around each God prophet and angel, which are my guides. Yes your God's are my guides and take Allah I think that's the right spelling. I didn't know that the emotional blog that I signed Allah too, I really didn't know who he was or the religion or the story, but I remember the company and the guy that just bugged me every day to go to Wendy's with him for lunch.

Californication/RHCP

I looked at my friend and lead whom I stayed with for 3 weeks during the gas and oil shortage. Plus the bad storm. This is where I lost custody of my kids. For that storm and oil shortage. No I have to pay 10000 bucks for a lawyer? The set up was so bad in the beginning. I had this judge tell me I deserve everything I have coming to me. A Mormon lawyer told me this too. I said what is happening now. I went in just some of very little of how this came to be. They keep showing me how I sat in chains. No more friends. No more volunteer work. No more play groups. No more evenings out with our friends. It is silent. I was completely abandoned, and no one bothered to ask. I knew what people thot of Greg. Oh so funny. Oh so charming. Oh so caring. He's a natrupathic doctor. They are showing me that I was the herbalist and the Naturopath. Not Greg. I had the brains and brawn. Greg was dumb as a box of rocks.

Light's out/BB Shallow Bay

Shallow Hal? IC a lot of this. U know people don't need to just look in the mirror at your own physical flaws or what you feel R physical flaws. U need to look inside. I can't end all this body image shaming until U do to. We change as we get older. Remember Faith is the  key, the lion heart, courage. Wisdom the brain. U get wisdom from the heart b4 U even think to judge another or make them pay. 

Nobody Praying 4 Me/ SEETHER

Truth Seeker. The Book of Vines. The book of life. 

Awesome song. I want to dance. I slept all night on ice. I have been rolling the knot's, trying to get my locked up spine and neck to adjust. When Michael pushed on a very small knot on the right of C4 it was like an electrical zap went thru my brain. The Complex migraines were bad for a few days but so was my neck, especially at C3. 

My Last Breath/ Everessence

So I'm God? Fuck me. Talk about Thunderstruck. Okay I've been writing  I still stand, but now where do I stand? Even in the center of this complex it will blow out their windows. Do I go next door where it was painted in green Gods spot? It was where I saw a piece of plastic that had been ran over. I took a photo. It was the exact Punisher emblem. I recon this is one of my question and answer session. I don't always get words. I learn there point by walking thru more slavery. I walk thru it my answer at times to a question, I mean the complete answer is done in steps. Then I forget. My Faith is strong.

Not Strong Enough/Apolcalyptica

Hey they pick the music. It seems my writers and musicians carry Truth inside them just at the right moment for me to learn something new. Talk about a purge. I haven't cried at this discovery.  My anger here is diispitating. Yes I know why God said in the beginning Mary Cochran Stone and James Wayne Robertson aren't one of God's?

Body Like A Back Road/SH

My Clue wasn't just the names what happened then. Well the twin fator. After my father showed up about 6 years after he died in a very vivid dream. I woke up like in acceptance of him. First it was just why my father came to give me a message about Jim? He said he's not a good man. My answer to him, was all he need's is love. The next dream about Jim was with my Uncle Marvin. The reason why I felt like I had an uncle close by with darkness in him and he wanted to get to me. 

I hadn't connected my own uncle to this. Like an Anne Rice novel. I hadn't even connected that both my father and uncle showed up about Jim. My second dream was I stepped out of the attic window on a glass platform. My uncle standing like he always did. Big belly, baggy butt jeans and hands in pockets. Head down. Of course I'm a knothead thru my grandfather and uncles. I have a few more in my family. That family trait is Akaknoten then king Tut then well Moses. He was here to end slavery.

Good Life/ 1 Republic.

Another fitting song and title of group. Still not picking. Then I discover Moses brother another story a staff named what to my twin? Arron. Yes. Wait until the Kennedy's find out who they descend from. I felt a real Jackie O for awhile. I had a Jackie O outfit. Royal purple. Then the history channel. The documentary with Lincoln and Jackie O. How cheaply she redecorated the white house? Flock me. History. Another mother flocking curse and feminism. The role women still played in society. Like 2 thousand years later  do U in any house upstairs or downstairs fully proceeses equality?  Mysoginist still in every house. All because U have 2 dingalings. Between your legs and ears. Dumb shite mother flockers.

Shape Of U/ES

Thunderstruck

Thunderstruck by AC/DC 

That's a good one and True. The least humanity will feel is Thunderstruck.

A 1000 Years

I finally got an answer on how do I begin this video? I mean it's a lot all those names to make a point about who it is I really am? Then they showed me. It was bad ass. Wicked funny. I told U they do have a sense of humor. Being who it is that I am, walking thru all this bullshit. Injustice. So no I don't think they are always so funny. The point is slavery. Slavery all the way around this planet. What U R really R enslaved 2? No 1, no 1 on this rock knows what U R really serving? The true entity. The Fallen Angel. Black cloud is right. Still getting a real serpenty feel here.  

I'd Cum 4 U

I just want to pace with my music, smoke my Marlboro red and blacks, or my enhanced J's. I connect let my emotions flow. I stretch. I dance. I loosen up. Then I write, somewhere. It has been a very long time since I have done that. I like to do this. I learn a lot during these session's. It feel's dangerous now, the cigarette's alone. The heart pain, everyday. The face numbness. The needles behind my eye. Pain spots going down left arm and leg. Of course C3. The twitching of my muscles, the darkening eye site. Then the not getting your mouth to work correctly. Complex migraine's. 

One Last Breath

The thing I don't know about these is does it cause weakness down left side? Does it cause whole body weakness? Does it cause whole body paralysis? The jaw pain and sharp ear pain? The Sumatriptan is a waste on this kind of migraine. The only thing that kick's this feeling back are the real pain med's. Your opiates. The only thing on my knot's that I fight daily, with these symptom's or muscular skeletal knot's. Was the real Lorazepam, (OMGod! Lorazepam and Lazarus? To think Jesus brought this one back to life. Mary Magdalene's brother. Another mother fucking brother? That Fuck head. I'm going to kill that man when I get upstairs. Asshole! Another curse? U doling out your own Justice? Holding out IC)  That shite works especially on the neck. I don't know if it's that same nerve from car accident about 20ish years ago? or a different nerve in my neck? Another doctor whose specialty are these very same symptom's?  Another 1 that cut me off. He knew the answer's already apparently and would literally not let me speak.

Wanted Dead Or Alive (so true)

Family? It's definitely a love and hate relationship some moment's of some day's. Thinking about my black shadow the clue's I now know from him? They stuck me in purgatory. They stuck me in hell and buried me 6 feet under all this pain? They made me a slave? Can't defend or speak anywhere in this system? Hell's kitchen is right. Wow! It's getting pretty hot up in this house. Now I have people from all walks of life who want to kill me and my family tree line? Upstairs and downstairs? Was thinking earlier another saying in my life. Expect the worst and hope for the best. The other "O cum on." It started the morning after DUI. I woke up, sat up, looked up and said O cum on this isn't funny. This isn't funny anymore. I had to of known subconsciously that I am on a mission in this life. On this journey when something goes wrong, or once again the hard way? The long way? A shocking discovery? Another proof of life written or recorded somewhere? I look up automatically, arms open wide, My hand's in fist. "OH CUM ON."

Paradise City

Another saying popped in my head, "when hell freezes over." It's odd really, I don't have fear. I have no fear of doing this. Taking it all back. Speaking the Truth. The song is now My Sacrifice. That flocking Crux. The Southern Cross written in the stars? When I saw that? I admit I laughed and that is where I wrote early on, This is my Country Pride. That's right I'm from the wrong side of the tracks. I'm from way down South. Way down under. I'm hearing Dahlia Lama. I have no idea why? Also seeing Crocodile Dundee from where? Down under. Australia. 

U R Right Where U Belong

As far as the Dahlia Lama goes, I've been wondering when his name was going to cum up? So it was Gandhi whom starved himself to protest against violence? I think. Okay Dahlia? OMMFLGOD? OMGOD! How many time's has The Black Dahlia came up in my life? The movie was a photographer with a sick perception of the art of death. She was found cut up in a ditch. Never solved. I'm not kidding, it's in the name's. Why? So that when I heard the Dahlia Lama, I thot it was Dahlie Lama, not Dahlia. I immediately recognized the spelling of the name. The woman. The murder. I recon, the purpose? To stand out today, How we still treat our women, Our mother's. Our daughters. Our grand daughters. Our Future. Still no RESPECT, No equality anywhere. 

Flock, I don't know Dahlia Lama's true message is? It's the first he came up. I mean IC Dahlia being murdered as a stand for feminism upstairs. I don't C Dahlia being about Feminism. Maybe equality and peace. Maybe about Freedom. Freedom to choose. Civil War, number 13 and slavery. Civil laws, civil courts. Our law makers really dropped the ball here. None of it even adds up. 

My first number 69. Then I'm a lil' Toa? I knew it was about balance. Then 2 fishes? Pisces. Number 69 is birth year. Somewhere in Bible I found a 68 and 69. and turns out 3rd in line to one of my white square's.  

Greg's birthdate 10/12? If only I knew then what I know now? I mean if I paused at the 666, imagine my pause being about the birthdate? Who they really belong to? The meaning the sign? Libra is called what? The Scale Of Justice. No balance in anything. No Truth. We R way off kilter. Way off the chart's. Way off scale. Way off balance.

OH, My God U married me to the fucking beast? Talk about knowing then what I know now? I would not of begged God for this man's life for nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. This I do mean now that I know what I know now? I am not lifting one God damned hand 4 U 4 nothing. I was deceived when I did that. I had no clue whom U really R. UH UH! No mother flocking way. U R on your own brother. Not one time did U lift a hand to help me. Married or not. U treated my children the same way and put them in the same situation as me. No one had any defense. At an even younger age, they were abandoned. and left to fend and defend for themselves. He just couldn't stop the party. No heat either. It was like history was repeating itself.  I couldn't get anyone to listen to the first time around with me at the start. I couldn't get my foot back in that door for nothing. Now they R showing my prayer to stop the neglect. The abuse. I understand I had to walk through it in order to put the prayer in my heart, and I called it outloud. Sick concept huh? Walk your talk. Can't talk it until I walked it.

Is my 6th prayer still even alive?  I don't know why I am so mad about this prayer too? It wasn't even my prayer. It wasn't for me. It wasn't about me. It was for him and there is nothing about nothing that I can do with what came B4. I recon what counts now is what cums after. 

As I say everyday. I hate this planet. Oh no more blasphemy.

The Best Trick Satan Can Do Is Convince U He Doesn't Exist.

 Beast Of Burden

I have no idea what to even call this one. I have figured out more. Why I'm the conductor and the sun/son? Why ISIS is the one holding me up? She was the first name the day I stood on the oil can. ISIS, Twin towers and Orgon/Organ. The heart. By giving them back Faith I give humanity their heart back. Faith is a common denominator.

Make Up Your Mind/Theory Of A Deadman

I figured out my dreams that the person in chains in two of my dreams turned into a woman with long curly hair? The eagle and the mountain. The Red Book/AA. I hated metaphor's. That's all I needed to figure out was why the shadow of the eagle was seen in the mountain? The man, the native man in my dreams, his name the White Eagle. The article on the eagle is a religious symbol. My picture's I was taking of a white eagle on a passer bys window. The Box of past angels and God's, shaman's and seers. All the twin flames from the angel's down. What U in history and time are called witches. Why the flying flock would I don't want U to connect to the light. Learn what your spirit animal really is, why the flock not? Oh yeah, all this machinery to profit off. 

A Place For My Heads

That is just one way they would point me to my animals. My spirit animals. A medium told me all my spirit animals are white. I'm walking away, a fat lot of good that does me. Not one of those beings or spiritual beings through out history and time have given up on their curses I bear. When I said the prayer from the heart, give me my families burdens, I'll stop the circle of abuse. If I wasn't abused I couldn't of said the prayer from that prayer from the heart. I just didn't know my life was going to be about slavery and judgement, in order to become justice.

I Can't Tell U Why/Eagles

My mind keeps going back to the fourth house I slept in. A blue room, a counter frame on the floor. Humanity want's out of these boxes. This was the night I put my hand on my chest, and cried. My mother is a schizophrenic. Then just like the show the gifted and the inferno, They are sitting in your mental institutions. The ones who carry the voice and the light. Then the Seers with their heads on backwards, Inferno.

Walk This Way

It was after that I stood with my arms wide open, begging my daughter to look at me. Telling her I'm sorry this is who I really am. That is not the first time that came up. Who I really am? I wrote the promised land the next morning. 12 Fruits of the tree, putting my agreement in writing. I will guide. You walked thru the ring of fire no worse for wear, this diamond that lay in the palm of my hand. We will run in the sun and splash in the sea. I knew inside there unconscious fear they are having for their mother. It's about these 2. Michaels Wolfe demon said, he wanted to tear my children's heads off and mail them to me in a box. Demon's move so fast U don't see them move before their hands are around your throat.

I Love Rock And Roll

The Davinci Code Daughter, My grand daddy's rock and roll sign was his I Love U sign. We are gonna rock and roll. Those fault lines are gonna shift. Are my eyes blue like those blue skies or shit brown from the garden that U have soiled and poisoned in so many way's. U poison my seed, U poison my love. I told Greg I will get everything back I ever lost. Boy are those fault lines gonna shift. Then I'm crying right hand in the air, I said nothing grows without love and light to Greg.

Evanescence Fallen

I'm so not the fallen angel. Hell I ain't even Loki. I'm the under cover angel. Yes my pause moment was the first year I did our taxes. Those three sixes sitting right in the center of his social security number. I thot no way he doesn't really exist. Not in my lifetime anyway. I knew in the beginning the numbers 10 and 12. It had something to do with his birthdate. I learn on the history channel about Alistair Alexander Crowley. The purple scarf that said Alexandria in the Free Masons. My second daughters given name, Alexander.

Iris

I also know why his birthday falls on Christopher Columbus Day. Genocide. When I heard the serpent is going to come back and marry his first love, it will be the end of time. Love? Love? He's incapable. That man's heart is so black. It's so black I couldn't see what I was looking at. Neither could his brother. When he said theirs something missing. Then I hear Ann said the same thing after only 2 years of marriage. It's called a HEART. He's The beast, he's the serpent, he's Mr. 666.

Rebirthing/Skillet

Born without a marking on him. What a lie he was. All he had to do was plant me with labels that did not exist. Alcatraz in the car I said, I miss my friend. He goes into alcohol. I over did it. It makes me emotional. I wasn't crying or pouting. I simply stated a fact. I met Gwen at Alcatraz 3 and a half years later, the first and only time I tied one on. He brings it up then. This guy had drinks in his thermos our first date. Gross, I hate Rum. I really didn't care for alcohol, it made me sleepy and gave me a headache. Beer, well I couldn't belch. I'd suffer. 

State Of My Head/Shinedown/Threat 2 Survival

Our whole marriage, he couldn't stop the party. Any party. I'm so pissed when he came in and took my work and told me I need to start going out with my friends. I'm home. I'm having surgery. U need a break. You've needed it for awhile. That is all I heard through out my marriage. When it was always one more thing he just had to do right now. More packing and hauling, more being the designated driver and parent. Dr. Pasqually was right. He said U need to hire help. U do the work of three women a day. The number in my head was nine. I broke down and cried, My husband keeps saying just hold out just a little while longer and U can have your turn. Every time I asked, to go back to school or for anything, including California, when I tried to just get tutoring in math and science. I was told no, when we get back to Washington. 

Eminem/Music To Murder By/Godzilla Bride is right. They keep showing me how I paid for everything. All this man did was make me pay. All the while he is destroying my work I just did. Destroying my house. Right to the end, I had no choice Real Estate. Hell I did 10 transactions my first year. He didn't show up to watch the girls so I could study. 

Lazarus

They keep showing me how every agreement in our marriage, he did not show, unless it was a social gathering. Hell I wasn't allowed to hire help, running the office after having to put it together and build, location and city. Marketing. Rent, and money. What am I doing taking out a wall in my house when that man knocked on my door, telling me he's having an affair for four months. They are showing me how he did not once again acknowledge his wife or clean up the neat pile of clothes she left in the front yard. All this work. All this time I put in to this life, this marriage. Literally doing everything outside Greg's work. Then they show me I used my fathers money. The first time something is about me. Something of my own, that we can grow on, together. In 90 day's I'm even more in chain's. Labeled and abandoned, 100 percent. All four bank account's transferred my name removed now including the 3 business license. 

Change/NF/The Search

Then I'm locked in, everything stolen, including my identity, he stole. I borrow money just to get him out. Hoping to speak about the set up in court. Me being treated like garbage. I was now a useless piece of garbage. Greg's priority was always money just like his mother. No logic, no reality on anything. They have shown me just how I was expected to do my part in every way. I/we get the garbage. We get the dangerous truck to drive. 15 months we drove that. I'm pregnant, it's not logical. Where am I going to put Kiley? In the back. I got no credit on anything.

The Gift/Seether/One Cold Night