Got To Do Your Part

Got to do your part. When was the first time I heard this? The river of snakes in California. Greg had to get out of town almost every weekend. He didn't start going to class on a regular basis until the school made it mandatory the last 3 quarters. Greg played volleyball. He went on 3 trips without me while in California. I wasn't allowed to go on one. I was offered to go on a cruise 6 months away for 300 dollars. Greg said no. I worked the first year at Lockheed making 8 bucks an hour. This place was office space. Hired as an admin and on my first day taken to the filing vault to work as a clerk.

I took time off toward the end of my year to have my wisdom teeth pulled. I was in the room laying down when Greg answered the phone and he yelled Colleen your grandfather just died. About 3 weeks before my wedding. I put in my notice during my vacation time. I had to move that file vault from one location to another. It seemed almost every job I had working as a temp I had to move the job to another location before I could start mine. With Greg over the years all I did was pack and haul to go on all these trips.

In California the river of snakes I had just sat down. James, Xavier and Greg all got up. Greg walks by me and tells me I have to do my part. Whose new car was that? Whose camping equipment was that? Who just worked a 50 to 60 hour week? I was still there by 5ish and who packed it all up? Who shopped for and prepared the food for these trips? Me. This was the first time I heard this. By our third summer I had to cut it back to every other weekend. Greg kept using excuses like this will be the last time or last chance. I wanted an annulment before we moved back to Washington because of this. He talked me out of it and said we'd slow down. We didn't.

While in California we lived in Santa Clara, Mountain View, and Sunnyvale. I worked as a temp at three different companies. I worked long term contracts with these companies. By the time we left I was making 17 dollars an hour with overtime. Greg couldn't even tell me in advance when he had state tests to pay for. It was always on the day of that he'd tell me he needed 250 dollars. I explained money doesn't grow on tree's.

In the beginning we did laundry together. If we were home we spent Sundays alone on the couch watching my collection of Disney movies. I started collecting them with my mother in my teens. Greg got half during the divorce. No his having to get out of town and needing a break is all I heard everyday.

I started counseling before I moved to California. Knowing that I grew up with a mentally ill mother. I knew by the age of 3 that she didn't need to have children. That she should of gotten permission from someone, including a psychological exam by the state. I learned one thing from my mother? That is how not to be. How not to treat others through bullying and humiliation. She was a narcicist through and through. She was belittling and if she didn't get her way she'd either start swinging or she would make you suffer if you tried to set boundaries with her demanding nature, It is never enough attention for her. She used her 3 children as objects. I didn't want to be a "no mom."

I went to pre-marital counseling on my own to be aware of things that may come up and how to communicate to resolve any issues. I went to 2 sessions of one on one counseling. My first counselor after I gave him an example of abuse, he told me to run and not look back. He also said I am nothing like my mother if I am sitting here. I took a quilting class. I used my antique sewing machine in a black box. I did a session of group counseling, and a series of dianetics. It was on how to do a clearing through emotions until certain situations didn't effect you anymore. I also had a spiritual advisor named Tammy. I worked with her at Lockheed. Her right hand moves like mine when she is tuned in. I did it for personal growth, I also did volunteer work for teens that were borderline teen members.

At the age of 15 I worked in the service industry at Pietros pizza. I worked with kids that were special ed. I had a special ed aunt from my childhood. In my Junior year I took a CNA class. I worked with Mrs. Laws for 3 weeks, she was slower but capable and logical. 3 weeks later they had her strapped down to a bed screaming like a baby. The word I got off of her was dignity. Why are your institutions more dignified than these people being at home with family? Why is it okay for you to do this, yet family members can't childproof their room and lock the door at night? You can strap them down to a bed. I didn't disagree however your laws don't treat people with dignity.

The other two things I got to see was a circumcision on a boy and a cesarean on a pregnant woman. No meds for the circumcision and I learned to see fat cells and how they melt with just the touch of a hand. The first thing that popped out was her hand still in the placenta. It looked purple. My first thought was alien baby. I was only 16 to 17 at the time. I went to Beauty School my senior year in high school and did advance training that summer. Weird things happened to me in Seattle. My instructor Steve had to give me a talk about how the weird things only happen to me and who my clientele really are. I liked my clientele. Some were lesbians and transvestites. I didn't care. I enjoyed my clientele. To each his own. Yes I had a few stalkers.