Just To See You Smile/TM
Yesterday was not a good day for this little monkey. Not at all. I had a 9a.m. appointment for a pap and to once again discuss my med's. I got in a full dance and physical therapy routine before I went. It has been a long time. I still had my migraine. Week number nine, yet it's down to about a three. The night before this I had taken two cyclobenzaprine and I slept for three hours. Then I took three tizanadine and I slept for another three hours. My lower back will not stop trying to spasm for the last month now. I take these meds and I wake up no better. It's just a roller coaster ride of pain all up and down this Tree Of Life. I do the best I can with what I have each day. Each morning I begin anew. It's all about my fuel and energy each day. I keep moving and I do what I can do for as long as I can do it. When I accepted this commitment part of it was "come what may each day."
Yesterday was not a good day for this little monkey. Not at all. I had a 9a.m. appointment for a pap and to once again discuss my med's. I got in a full dance and physical therapy routine before I went. It has been a long time. I still had my migraine. Week number nine, yet it's down to about a three. The night before this I had taken two cyclobenzaprine and I slept for three hours. Then I took three tizanadine and I slept for another three hours. My lower back will not stop trying to spasm for the last month now. I take these meds and I wake up no better. It's just a roller coaster ride of pain all up and down this Tree Of Life. I do the best I can with what I have each day. Each morning I begin anew. It's all about my fuel and energy each day. I keep moving and I do what I can do for as long as I can do it. When I accepted this commitment part of it was "come what may each day."
May We All/FGL
My poor doctor. We did the pap to rule why I am having so many blood moons at this time in my life? I know why? Part of this agreement I made was to go with the flow. Accept whatever happens to my body when it happens. After awhile it started to dawn on me this has something to do with that moon. I started to notice that full moon on some of the nights I was out there. Then I started to notice the dates, how long and even the days in between. I started to notice my body, the days and numbers and how it correlates with that full moon vs. my blood moon including what sign it falls under.
My poor doctor. We did the pap to rule why I am having so many blood moons at this time in my life? I know why? Part of this agreement I made was to go with the flow. Accept whatever happens to my body when it happens. After awhile it started to dawn on me this has something to do with that moon. I started to notice that full moon on some of the nights I was out there. Then I started to notice the dates, how long and even the days in between. I started to notice my body, the days and numbers and how it correlates with that full moon vs. my blood moon including what sign it falls under.
Beautiful Trauma/Pink
I told my doctor that I work all day to prevent this muscle from having that butterfly effect like it did the last time I couldn't get it under control. She had her nurse bring in a Toroidal shot to give in my right hip. From there everything went downhill for this little monkey. I felt pain shoot straight down the back of my right thigh. The first thing I thought was I have never had a Toroidal shot hurt like this. I stayed on my side for about fifteen minutes, when I stepped down from the table on my right leg, my back thigh locked up.
I told my doctor that I work all day to prevent this muscle from having that butterfly effect like it did the last time I couldn't get it under control. She had her nurse bring in a Toroidal shot to give in my right hip. From there everything went downhill for this little monkey. I felt pain shoot straight down the back of my right thigh. The first thing I thought was I have never had a Toroidal shot hurt like this. I stayed on my side for about fifteen minutes, when I stepped down from the table on my right leg, my back thigh locked up.
In Case You Didn't Know/BY
Out of all the different types of pain I have gone through in the last two and a half years, let's just say this one was a whole different ball game. Right away the nurse said "well we have this new procedure let me check the location of the shot. I cannot fucking move. PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I get my pant's undone and then she said, maybe you just stepped down wrong because according to our new procedure that's the right location." That is when I started saying fuck over and over. Then NO! NO! NO! I did not step on my leg wrong. Right away procedures, liability and the blame game.
Out of all the different types of pain I have gone through in the last two and a half years, let's just say this one was a whole different ball game. Right away the nurse said "well we have this new procedure let me check the location of the shot. I cannot fucking move. PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I get my pant's undone and then she said, maybe you just stepped down wrong because according to our new procedure that's the right location." That is when I started saying fuck over and over. Then NO! NO! NO! I did not step on my leg wrong. Right away procedures, liability and the blame game.
Hard To Love/LB
I'm yelling to get me some ice. My doctor comes in and she starts asking again if she can see the location because she's a student nurse and she's learning. Like now is the time for me to help someone else? Are you fucking nuts? My banter is FUCK FUCK FUCK, over and over. I said to my doctor you want to talk to me about procedures, she cuts me off, no that wasn't me. No that was your nurse. Every time you doctors get a new procedure who pays? I pay, then I have to pay again because now I have to use my limited pain med's for this. Now I'm going to be made to feel guilty. My Dr. said, your angry? Do you think? Get me my ice and my med's, while I can move again.
I'm yelling to get me some ice. My doctor comes in and she starts asking again if she can see the location because she's a student nurse and she's learning. Like now is the time for me to help someone else? Are you fucking nuts? My banter is FUCK FUCK FUCK, over and over. I said to my doctor you want to talk to me about procedures, she cuts me off, no that wasn't me. No that was your nurse. Every time you doctors get a new procedure who pays? I pay, then I have to pay again because now I have to use my limited pain med's for this. Now I'm going to be made to feel guilty. My Dr. said, your angry? Do you think? Get me my ice and my med's, while I can move again.
You Look Like I Need A Drink/JM
I get out the door. and I'm crying. I couldn't believe my luck once again? As long as I held my foot in a certain position and kept my weight to the left I could hobble to the bus stop. I get to the intersection and I have two blocks to the bus or the pharmacy on the other side of the intersection and right when I get ready to step off the curb my right hip and leg froze, as well as I. Cars and buses would not pass unless I waved them around this busy intersection. There I stand with my black and red plaid coat, my snow boots and my monkey hat, bent at the waste. After about ten to fifteen minutes of standing there bent over frozen looking the fool I had to call 911. I gave the intersection address. At a time like this my directions still weren't good enough. They ask, SE corner Colleen, NE Colleen? I assure you I'm the only woman standing here at this intersection frozen in place with a monkey hat on my head. I'm the only one you can't miss me. SE Corner, nope Colleen I think your on the North East corner.
I get out the door. and I'm crying. I couldn't believe my luck once again? As long as I held my foot in a certain position and kept my weight to the left I could hobble to the bus stop. I get to the intersection and I have two blocks to the bus or the pharmacy on the other side of the intersection and right when I get ready to step off the curb my right hip and leg froze, as well as I. Cars and buses would not pass unless I waved them around this busy intersection. There I stand with my black and red plaid coat, my snow boots and my monkey hat, bent at the waste. After about ten to fifteen minutes of standing there bent over frozen looking the fool I had to call 911. I gave the intersection address. At a time like this my directions still weren't good enough. They ask, SE corner Colleen, NE Colleen? I assure you I'm the only woman standing here at this intersection frozen in place with a monkey hat on my head. I'm the only one you can't miss me. SE Corner, nope Colleen I think your on the North East corner.
You're The Best Thing About Me/U2
Here come the sirens. A fire truck pulls up next to me and asks if I can get up to that parking lot? Nope, I assure you I would if I could. I can't move an inch. Then here comes the ambulance. Oh God get me off this rock. I explained my goal, was to get to the pharmacy and wait this out while I get this medication filled. Then get it in me and wait for this to melt away. I'm on the black list from the ER from help with pain, like the rest of the United States with this insurance with chronic pain. What is the point? These firemen had a makeshift wheel chair. This little monkey had to be rolled across the street by 3 firemen and lifted through the parking lot, all the way back to the pharmacy. It felt like it took an hour to get it filled. I had to use a cane. I stood up with the cane trying to get my hip to adjust to the movement and of course, I have an older woman walk up to me, put her hand on her hip with her cane and she stood there waiting for me to move.
Here come the sirens. A fire truck pulls up next to me and asks if I can get up to that parking lot? Nope, I assure you I would if I could. I can't move an inch. Then here comes the ambulance. Oh God get me off this rock. I explained my goal, was to get to the pharmacy and wait this out while I get this medication filled. Then get it in me and wait for this to melt away. I'm on the black list from the ER from help with pain, like the rest of the United States with this insurance with chronic pain. What is the point? These firemen had a makeshift wheel chair. This little monkey had to be rolled across the street by 3 firemen and lifted through the parking lot, all the way back to the pharmacy. It felt like it took an hour to get it filled. I had to use a cane. I stood up with the cane trying to get my hip to adjust to the movement and of course, I have an older woman walk up to me, put her hand on her hip with her cane and she stood there waiting for me to move.
Wild One/FH
I do not know what it is when someone else see's me, I have to be the one to move no matter where I stand. Standing in the grocery aisle and I had a woman walk right up to me and stop. I assumed she couldn't go around, I was standing there looking in the freezer first. So I step back, when I look around I realize there is no one else in this aisle and she could of walked around. I looked this old lady in the eye and I said, "you will just have to go around me, I ain't moving." I'm standing up and they call my name finally, wouldn't you know it the woman in front of me doesn't speak very good english and her daughter was doing a half ass job translating the pharmacy assistant asking her to sit down until her prescription is ready. Ten mother flocking minutes later she's still standing at the counter. Then I get up there and the guy goes to help the window. To top it off the rest of my med's were sent to my pharmacy by my place. I still have to make it there.
I do not know what it is when someone else see's me, I have to be the one to move no matter where I stand. Standing in the grocery aisle and I had a woman walk right up to me and stop. I assumed she couldn't go around, I was standing there looking in the freezer first. So I step back, when I look around I realize there is no one else in this aisle and she could of walked around. I looked this old lady in the eye and I said, "you will just have to go around me, I ain't moving." I'm standing up and they call my name finally, wouldn't you know it the woman in front of me doesn't speak very good english and her daughter was doing a half ass job translating the pharmacy assistant asking her to sit down until her prescription is ready. Ten mother flocking minutes later she's still standing at the counter. Then I get up there and the guy goes to help the window. To top it off the rest of my med's were sent to my pharmacy by my place. I still have to make it there.
Big Green Tractor/JA
I wait for the pain med's to kick in and this shit to wear off enough to get me to the next place and I can't do this without a cane. Last night it hit me what I saw when I walked out of the doctors office? I made it to the sidewalk and there written in chalk it said praise and the word Him crossing down the letter I. I looked at it and I said out loud, kiss my ass. Then I got a flash of me with my monkey hat on, walking bent at the waste with a cane dragging my right leg behind me crossing intersections. I laughed. I looked up at God and I said Oh my fucking God, you made me a lame little monkey.
I wait for the pain med's to kick in and this shit to wear off enough to get me to the next place and I can't do this without a cane. Last night it hit me what I saw when I walked out of the doctors office? I made it to the sidewalk and there written in chalk it said praise and the word Him crossing down the letter I. I looked at it and I said out loud, kiss my ass. Then I got a flash of me with my monkey hat on, walking bent at the waste with a cane dragging my right leg behind me crossing intersections. I laughed. I looked up at God and I said Oh my fucking God, you made me a lame little monkey.
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