Golden Gate

Bullet train is playing in the background. Thinking about the picture and Holocaust. The word that sorry corrected was holiday. That's just one of the questions about dates. It doesn't matter any more, picking a date? That hasn't seemed to work out in the past. Just more stress to add to my birthday I agreed to carry for my family tree. Flock me. 

I have no fucking is how I haven't lost it long ago. I don't care about the crazy. You've got me in costumes and hats in my mind speaking, practicing. It's never the same and I never stay on track. I get taken off course in a heart beat. Of in the other direction I go. It's not funny but I got a flask of me ass a dog. A short span of attention. SQUIRREL 🐿️ off I go. 

Physically. I am so 0hysically challenged everyday, everyday. 

I been dealing but not speaking about my back so much. As speak up ng that includes writing it sum where. Gotta document everything. The 8nsane thing is just how much I haven't chosen. Not ever. That's been a hard one. To discover literally not in control of any of it. I haven't taken the physical part so personal, I'm speaking of the resentment of pain past and present. I mean not even a color. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. 

It's that everything has been chosen all along. I don't feel controlled as much as I feel stolen from. On this journey step by step I've been shown from the start my mother Zion sitting me down to hand over my coat, or anything I cherished so she can steal my by item's and my time. Then being shown how people just expect me to hand thing's over or back after it's been given to me. I'm not allowed to have any reaction. Then in the end my own mother 2 diamond rings. Just to hand over to my sister. For attention. Then I'm abandoned and blamed, even in places it should be a non issue a divorce and my children's school. My friend's. Most of all the set up, the discovery of the bleedingheart's and the Scarlett Letter A, A liar, minimizer, and blamed. 

I was none. I wanted to escape, learn more about myself, have sum space and peace. Help to figure it out. I should of walked out, from that meeting I had with the manager of this place. More, blame, and shame being told what I should be thankful for. What was 21 days compared to 12 year's of misery and hell. Being shown everything I put up in this marriage. I was so invisible. I did not count. All he saw was a money tree. I paid with my life and my children's so he could become rich sum day. Money really is the root of all evil. U can't put a price on love. That's not love it's possession.

Then my mind and the bridge. I should of been able to cross that bridge and love from afar. No one would ever let me cross. This is my life my cross and my choice. Nobody knows what's best for me but me. I don't matter so much, that no one bothered to ask, ask about me. My well being. My heart.

The Golden Gate bridge. I said to Wes you've sent one bridge you've seen them all. Now a bridge of a🌈 would be spectacular to my eyes. Finally, home sweet home. 

My ring, he stole, I had no rights to speak of all he stole. How much, I really paid. I paid with my ❤️. 

I want so bad to chew ass God, it's the last voice sum will hear B4 they go home. The voice is inside them. Perhaps I should just call U the voice.