Bleeding Hearts

Ain't Worth The Whiskey/CS
So many things have been rolling through my mind? The discoveries moving forward and the discoveries going back? I feel like I'm one step forward and one step back right now. I was going through my rant in my mind just what it is I'm gonna say to Elaine? At first I had guilt over what I have to do to my children's father? Then I remembered God is the conductor of this show. That is exactly what I had been seeing. That it was all a show to Greg. How I was noticing over time, he's repeating things I would say to him to someone else. Then he'd look right at me to make sure I heard him. When he cried one to two tears would drain then he'd start squinting and he'd put his head down like he's trying so hard not to cry. Lying sack of shit married a compassionate bleeding heart like me. Oh what a catch for a sociopath.

Move/LB
Naive me thought he was understanding parenthood but no it's like when Wes said to him about the night I got up like ten times in an hour it was unusual but Alex kept falling back to sleep. It was her first ear infection. I stood up and I said "fuck." Greg said Oh my God Colleen that's your child." Like I shouldn't be tired? I discovered she had an ear infection. She was doing the ear tug and when she laid down the pressure hurt her. I sat up all night rocking her. Greg repeated the scenario to Wes whom was a not a father yet. When he became one a man in a wheel chair did it. He looked at Greg and he said "yeah Greg were you the one getting up?" The thing I noticed but I couldn't put a finger on it was right before Greg walked out the door to go to work, he only opened the door looked in without one word.

Used To Love You Sober/KB
I mean he's a homeopathic doctor? Who literally knows the anatomy of the body. Took classes on ear infections in babies and children. My whole marriage was like that. The blind eye to pain to his daughter's and me? Where's the compassion for his wife who sat up all night in a rocking chair, a sick baby up all night? I think at this time I was borrowing Greg's dad old Ford truck, or I would of had to drive Greg to work then drive back home to North Bend. Then back into Issaquah for her pediatrician. This was how we did things when I needed the car to take her to the doctor.

Singing It To Me/DL
For awhile I was thinking I can remove this beast off his head for my children's sake. I have already learned when I read Solomon's ring that Kyle is the one I need to help me remove this Beast. This one's gonna take two, and I need my Jezebel to remove his Gin. Nothing like a pissed off hunchback Jezebel whore for a curse to carry upon my back. Pain has a tendency to piss people off too. Right along with that poisonous apple I ate from.

Cruise/FGL
No pressure getting Adam and Eve out of purgatory. When I realized what God did? This started out with Kiley bringing me a bag of apples and the strange things I just happen to be doing with them? The following of the heart and after that last conversation every thing started to click into place. "Adam is carrying Eve's heart." I trusted this man with my heart to hold once upon a time. The thing I said to Michael before I knew what this was all about "these people are hungry for food Michael. These people are hungry for love." That was when I was learning what meth was and watching people's behavior on meth.

Cold One/EC
Later people kept asking me, couldn't you smell it Colleen?" No, this was when my allergies were taking a turn, the chronic sinus migraine I had to fight every day that would turn into an actual migraine. Then I'd need Imitrex. Yet I could only get 9 a month. The first sign of congestion in the morning and the slightest pain over my left eye, I'd be on a hunt for a decongestant then Imitrex if that didn't work.

Fly/SR
When I went into that first rehab center, the three things I learned walking out the door was that he broke my heart for what he did with Mary Stone. I was labeled at a time I was told to go out. The first time in my life I was having a normal relationship with friends again. My friends that later we all became couple friends. The set up alone. I knew I was set up but I had my proof of every thing now. I had to create a collage of what I had become and what I used to be. I got it done in less than half hour because I still was these things I just wasn't allowed to do anything that I once was, without a price tag being put on every thing I wanted to do that didn't used to be an issue until the day I told Greg I'm staying home with Alex. Financially it made no sense to go back to work.

The Reason/Hoopstank
The commute, gas and daycare with a newborn on my income? In this state, I was making seven dollars and hour for a job I got paid sixteen to seventeen dollars an hour in California. Plus I had income for a year still. The first words out of his mouth to me then what am I gonna do to provide an income after three years? This is where the three year timeline came from. Now Greg whom has convinced every one that Chiropractic school was hard and stressful for him. He didn't start continuously going to class until it was required the last three quarters or he wouldn't graduate. Do you know why that was? Greg was just getting other peoples notes and memorizing the answers for the test in his study groups in the evening's. By day Greg was at the beach or he was to tired. Looking at an insomniac and telling me this?

Meant To Live/Switchfoot
This little shocking to me scene right here, this is where he was admitting what he was denying to others? That he played for three years. I had to put a rule that we are only going to road trip every other weekend that last year. I was working sixty to seventy hours some weeks to pay for these excursions. The wear and tear on my new car. When something normal needed to be fixed I was scammed and didn't know what I was talking about? All this first year any little part time sales job, multi level marketing thing that came along here comes Greg. Something for me to continue to earn my part. Did I tell you I also had a day care license by the time Alex was seven to eight months old.

Addicted/Saving Abel
I did nothing but load up. Pack and hall that man's ass around all those years. Remember Greg was at work now, so it was up to me with a one year old to take that little gold truck and rent tent trailers far away and tow them back to North Bend, load it all up for Greg so we could just hit the road when he got off. The tent camping gear we had before that? My grandmother and father paid for that to provide that lifestyle. It was an apology for my grand mothers blaming behavior toward me as a child. Remember I was the child taking the blame. I was also the one whom had the revealing conversations step by step with my family. Somehow at a young age I had the answers, because I had already been through it.

Here Without You/3 Doors Down
I wanted to go into rehab for a break for 3 weeks to find myself again. I had no where else to go to step away the way I'd like to to find myself.  Space and time alone with my children. My bank accounts had been cleaned out, the character assassination, gas lighting, were all still in play. Truth is I was now just the slave. When it came my time to read the collage and what everything represents?

Heart-Shaped Box/Nirvana
Once I got to the picture of the bleeding hearts, I put my hands on my heart I couldn't speak. I stood there bawling and couldn't go any further in the presentation. That was the clincher right there was how no one even thought about what I was going through? How heart breaking for me to have to leave my children's father? I wasn't allowed to speak about nothing because I was the liar blaming instead of doing my part to take responsibility for my bad behavior. What bad behavior? Hurting,  being human, abandoned, everything stolen and the sabotage to me?

The Eagle And The Hawk/JD
All that volunteer work I did, because I liked doing it? Gone. All these years of hearing you got to do your part? Being nitpicked for even trying to work out. Greg always had a better time for me to be able to do it, or a cheaper, better way for me to do it. Anything that made me whom I was became about the dollar sign and part of that dollar sign was worth it for Greg to stop his life and come home from playtime for me to get some time. The only time Greg showed up for me was if I was actually working. The only time Greg left me alone in the house and didn't nit pick was when I was actually cleaning, maintenance or yard work. and doing the books at home.

Holiday/Green Day
If I happen to sit down in the evening after the kids went to bed here would come Greg telling me it's time for me to go to bed. The thing I used to do to wind down was read before I fell asleep. Something I did since I was a child. Greg's new thing was when I'd climb into bed to do this he'd come in and turn on group porn. I had already noticed by then that the only time he touched me was to have sex. Lets just say the day I kept hearing Sadomasochist, I finally asked Michael what it meant? That made sense. He might not of had the gear like they show you in the movies but this was the behavior.

The Sounds Of Silence/Disturbed
It was the off behavior in the sack. Like I wasn't there and I didn't matter. My needs didn't matter. When he touched me I couldn't feel him I was numb not turned on. He sickened me, then when I could feel him it was to late because now the only thing I felt at his touch was pain. When I tried to tell Greg what I needed like a husband and partner by day. He'd tell me no, this is how we're gonna do it. It was literally like I wasn't there I was there to serve him. I was done by this point. I had already asked for a divorce yet I was already pregnant with Kiley from that last trip we had taken. I had completely emptied the tent trailer and truck. I had every thing put away and I had started the wash. Greg got up at noon, it was a four day weekend, this was a Sunday. Greg had been up for two hours drinking coffee watching TV in the family room.

Over And Over/3 Days Grace
Alex and I had not seen him all morning. truth is we hardly saw him the whole weekend. Which is why I stopped the tent thing and started renting trailers. Plus I had two dogs. No bathroom, no shower and Greg just showed up when he felt like it. Then we'd play for an hour riding jet ski's then I'd be back at camping alone with my daughter and my two little dogs while Greg would go back out and play. I went in the back, I wasn't in a foul mood. I was glad I was caught up.

Paralyzer/Finger 11
All I asked him to do was to bring the cooler in and put it away? It was heavy. I didn't want to have to empty to bring it back in. Plus Alex just woke from her nap. I had to feed her. He said, no this is his time now. I didn't even say when I want this done by. I still needed to return that trailer to Everett. If I didn't we would have to pay for an extra day. Well we just can't have that to make something easier on me? No siree Bob. That was when I looked at him and I said I want a divorce. I'm done.

Centuries/Fall Out Boy
I had opened that first business. Not being paid. I opened it only because I had no choice after Greg's four month fatal attraction at his job. If I wanted to keep that roof over our heads and food on the table I had no choice but to move my feet quickly. Greg's income dropped substantially and was now only enough to pay the mortgage but he still had to work his full time contract in Seattle. In two days I had a game plan, and figured out the money to do this. He got to work filing his own name on the insurance. I did every thing else, up until it came time to build.

Meet In The Middle/DR
Even then I was the errand girl. I did all the packing and hauling of wood. How did I know how to do this? I just had a wall knocked out in my house and was still in the middle of it when some man shows up at my door. He had been following Greg home. How scary is that? It didn't even dawn on him. All to tell me Greg was having an affair with his wife. That was the reason right there why I had been falling to the floor. Dizzy and shaky. This was a new thing. I felt like my blood sugar would just drop. This is where I started going to the doctor. Blood test after blood test. The white water leaking out of my breast. The twin lump that I had since about the age eighteen or nineteen. I developed that in my right breast.

Just Got Started Loving You/JO
I learned he broke my heart. I had a broken heart. I had known for a long time that he wasn't feeding me love, but I couldn't escape. It was about a month after I got my other two businesses open. Mind you legal guardian of my dad, but he was in Graham and situated. I did this while opening the first business. I did this with chronic migraines. It was December or January of the first year of the first business that he caused this wreck and collected the check. he was right because the blanket insurance said so. He did the minimum. Mind you while pregnant with Kiley I had to pay another chiropractor to adjust me. I couldn't get him to do it consistently. I'd always get later later later.

Callin' baton rouge/GB
The benefits I received marrying this man? It was the front of Rana's front door that this bleeding heart plant grew so big, that you could only open her front door maximum 18 inches to get through. We agreed, it's to beautiful to cut it back. Leave it and let it grow." I saw a bleeding heart seed I wanted to plant, but where I live I have no sun. Only shade. Of course the other two things Greg and Mary did it was illegal. A major crime. I thought I could get my name back, my reputation. I thought I could tell the Truth. I was labeled. I no longer had any rights to speak with out being told I'm blaming, minimizing, lying or not owning up to my part of the blame right Greg? I had to own up to my part for every thing, except being a human being with a heart. Even when I'm only analyzing. Working my through it tossing it around from different perspectives, not allowed I am wrong.

How Do You Like Me Now?TK
The third thing, when I went home for a day pass two days before I was released from my first penalty box, I walked in my front door. You could see nothing of my floor. Every thing was destroyed. The one thing I liked in ship shape but it was the one thing he held over my head. One little spot or dot it was my job. He told my mother when she took her one week vacation time for me to go into rehab in order to cover my ass in this divorce and the character assassination. He said to her the first day he walked in the door from work, that he expects the house to stay clean.

Chasin' That Neon Rainbow/AJ
My mother said, I want groceries. She knew he wasn't feeding us. Then she said bring home a bottle. No my mother didn't mean 3 half gallons that Greg came home with with my best friend Rana. They got so drunk my first night in rehab she had to spend the night. Greg was also keeping his bottle at Rana's so he could stop off on his way home and have a few before he came home. The curse of the Gin, the reason for all the depression is right here. The reason for ISIS is right here. Greg, Mary and that black ten back. The number of the beast with nine sixes. His birth date is Aleister Crowley's. It's the same birthday of Christopher Columbus which my family does not like.

I Wish It Would Rain Down/PC
Then the one wish I had was for no harm to come to him just that he would disappear. Then I discover the line of biblical prophets and names in my family tree and our unborn son? I do know whom my family is? I want this. I want Justice to reign in all her glory. Yesterday I started to think Greg has three strikes against him standing inside his body. Going right down that CNS. His TOL and up around to the top of his head. IC three things shutting him down. When God brought me to the heart of the matter, the heart break once again. I remembered I described God as getting to the root of the issue with Greg. It was his head on the ground in three of Gods gardens not mine. It was his second chakra where two of his disc were born fused. What chakra is that. The fertility chakra. It's blocked. I can't un-fuse those disc to open those channels.

In Too Deep/Genesis
Then move that energy path up to his heart? It's coal black. He is incapable of feeling love. Not because he is blocked spiritually in the heart, but he is mentally ill. This man is black in his head. He can't even see what love is. He is completely blind to seeing it or feeling it. You need these three things to be a parent. Every thing about him was a rehearsal. His behaviors were learned. The fun stuff. From both parents. No one taught this boy any responsibility. Then Mary came along and taught him a whole new ball game. Gas light her. I went to counseling when I moved to California because I was finished with my mother. I didn't want that divorce from my mother to trigger any ill effects in my future life or marriage. especially with my children. I wanted to be aware and whole.


Dust In The Wind/Kansas
Embetterment. Self discovery into myself? Since when is that a crime? He turned it on me. Telling people oh yeah she needs to go to counseling. She had the fucked up child hood. I really didn't. I was aware. I learned what to watch for. I learned compassion and that things aren't always what they seem. I learned to communicate productively with Greg and that was just it. I got no where. Looking at these papers I found ten and eleven years later I'm still telling him the same thing. He's still writing it down. It never occurred to anyone how broken my heart was. To be locked in all that time? I wasn't allowed to speak about anything I went through because now I'm blaming him for going to rehab. That wasn't the case. I couldn't bring to the table, the crime, the set up, the game, the neglect and how he doesn't see pain. They handed the educated one keys to the kingdom over my well being.

Who's Crying Now/Journey
Then it dawned on me, why the fuck should I feel guilty about what my X had done to me and my children? Why should I feel guilty about what this will do to his family when they learn she raised the beast? Not just the Beast here but here she raised a sociopath. Who presents this normal hard working family with values and all she did was cripple him and hands her lazy pathetic dirty work off to me? Poking me all the way. Handing me garbage for my children? Telling me I just want new things? I just want nice things. If I mentioned food I like or a restaurant I was told I like to spend money. I just like to waste money, yet they could eat out? The were allowed to eat the way they wanted? I was right along with them.

Witchy Woman/Eagles
Not complaining on all these never ending excursions that Greg couldn't miss. That was what Steve said to me. It was to much. The parties and the outings never ended. It was sold as family time when it really was their time and quality. Why the flying flock should I care what happens to her son or their family? The way I see it Elaine, when this day comes. I'm gonna have to put your son down, for the greater good of mankind. His essence is poison. Is soul is poison. His TOL is poison. His heart and his mind. No he was the black cloud. My mother is too but she's the filter for this family for the curse of that ten back black family I married into. I don't give a flock what God nor his son/sun because they are interchangeable. Your not getting one without the other anymore. Their will be no more picking and choosing. No more telling your holy parents how they are gonna raise their flock.

Simple Man/LS
This is how we got here, we allowed big brother to stick their nose up our asses and take over. They handed the human race over, literally slavery all over this rock. My point is we are so entertained and hooked up to that instant gratification of this electronic family plan raising our children. Going in our landfills? All for that instant hook up no one can live without? They made you gullible and dumb.  We allowed a machine, a system with no heart to come in poison every thing and devalue the human races suffering over the price of that machine. Well IC very clearly why I'm Justice. Nothing like taking a spiritual loving woman, whom came here to be a mom and steeling it all. He literally castrated me. Both of them did. So no Elaine. Your son is like an invisible rabid dog with that mask he wears. They have shown me, over and over that he has not met one agreement we have ever made, or will he ever. Especially when Mary Stone is still out there trying to shut me down. Bitch you right along with Greg and his ten back are nine layers in hell. This mother says 7000 years.

Who'll Stop The Rain/CCWR
Elaine, Bob, and Greg you can take your black ten back and get the fuck off my rock. You can take that German and Japanese curse and get it off my rock. You made your bed and you can lie in it. You can lay in hell in all the shit I had to sit in all these years. It's gonna be hot. When I figured out last night my tat on my back, the way her Magenta gown disappeared? That pink cloud disappeared and now her wings are pointy, she's got horns and a staff in her right hand that she has a name after all? You will not burn out my fire or the torch I carry for this rock. The Fiery One. I'm gonna put you and your demons dogs down once and for all. Take your Billy Goats at all these toll booths and get the flock off my rock.

Running Against The Wind/BS
Get all this slavery off my rock. Those of you that want to label this about that race card. Fuck you all. On this rock we come in all shapes and sizes. I like the colors and shapes of my beasties just fine the way they are in all their imperfection. You know what I believe, that some times its those imperfections that give you character and color. What would this rock be if we were all the same? What if we were all the same personality shape and color? We would have no color. That's right we would have no love and light. We would have no heart. Sometimes its our emotions that give us power. Yeah it's a fight not only for this rock, this crown, it's the last fight for Love. Without love in our hearts, we are dark, we are hungry. It's time to clean house Dad and Mom. Like Kyle, I'm tired of walking through the pain alone. I want to go home where my heart is.

Just Remember I Love You/Firefall
At least Kyle has someone to go home to.  It's just to weird for me to go home to my own brother and call him my husband. Let alone treat him like my husband in all walks of life. No way. UHHHH UHHHH that is just to weird even for me after all this. I was wondering why God was drawing this out after mine and Kyle's last conversation? He wanted to EEEEKKKK out of me every last vestibule of emotion of discovery about this man every step of the way. I recon he wanted it documented. That apple and that heart. Back to the apple of Gods eye and I found my heart. He had it all along. God is a sneaky bastard sometimes. Do I want to hand this family back? Some moments of some days. Will I ever? No. I'm not going to dishonor them either. I have no idea what more emotionally they want out of me?

Won't Go Home Without You/Maroon 5
Better Man/LBT
Playing With Fire/TR

Seraphin, The Fiery One

Where I Come From/AJ
Not sure on the music today? Oh ladies what I have discovered just in the last two days as the Truths keep moving in closer? Their were some common denominators on this curse that Kyle and I carry? How we are each carrying it in each our own way? The same yet different? It's that red carpet that keeps getting pulled out from underneath us? His curse is the cancer to keep him down. His curse is the location. Every time he finds love or thinks he does something comes along and pulls that too. Mine is this tree of life and all the injustice I have lived through from the bottom up. The only thing both of us ever wanted all along was our heart. The rant I had in my head to my x-mother in law and cause and effect what she caused? The lie of just what this family represented to me?

How Forever Feels/KC
I can't wait for that anger and rage to come back for that rant. I realized something else? I'm just cleaning out my closet. Today I want it cleaned out. A clue was when my mother said to me about tween age, "that my grand fathers side of the family wouldn't bother to cross the street to feed them food if they were starving. I never understood that until this last week? You see my grand daddy married a pappoos. It was also when I went to look up the history behind Sacajawea because of the location I grew up at, and ending up by it again. Danielle handed me a handful of Sacajawea dollars a couple weeks ago. I realized being a One With All Life that this was very relevant to what is happening today? This is where I found out that Janey was married to Toussaint. That she was a slave to begin with and well once your a slave your always looked down upon as a slave in all walks of life.

My Best Friend/TMG
Then it was the strange things that happened to me the last family reunion I attended? The fire work that flew right by my left shoulder and caught the cabana on fire? Lake Sacajawea. Let me see another big clue to my family tree of life was the Charbonneau name? Carey's X-wife's family and she is cursed with Crohns disease. The curse of the septic system high tax and poison in our bodies. I am literally cursed with The Crone. The high taxes on land and water? Cause and effect? All the poisoning in our water and this system? Cause and effect over time and how they come back around with that high cost yet you pull humanities industry over and over to make a living? Going into my land fills? Why should you get to run any thing? It was the name Janey that hit me. It was the nickname Toussaint the explorer gave his little papoose tracker wife.

Against The Wind/BS
Lewis And Clark and my twin the other fool in this family tree? Whom I am today to represent all those Mary's? What is this free sprit of a mother back for? My families green. That makes me the Mary Jane this time around. My weed that the Lakota's use to transcend? This is my point system you don't get to choose. IC in this system that they are intentionally shutting down all the higher beings on this rock, so we don't ascend to our ancestors to find the Truth of our ancestors and what we are here to represent today?

Meet Me In The Middle/DR
I realized that in my family tree it seems the white man has a tendency to marry or mate with the darkies in one form or another. Secret love or rape? A life was created. In my family it was a push for me to show up at the front door with a mixed Asian American. Truly I didn't think anything of it. Remember I thought I married one time for love and family. That was my intention all along and I was willing to work hard in my life to attain that because well it was just the way I tick. This is the epitome of this family right here? I thought I married a family with love and values. Instead I married into a family that the only thing they taught their son to do was go play in the woods, or continue that party, because well Greg worked. He brought home the bacon. He deserved his time whenever he damn well chose. If he didn't get it. I'd pay. He'd make me miserable. He was now the educated one right? That is what his family did not see was that I worked and I never got a pay check, but boy did I have to account for every thing with these people.

Just Got Started Lovin You/JA
They nitpicked the fuck out of me for every thing they were doing. How I ate? Having a new car at a young age that I worked for? So I wouldn't have to worry about my car breaking down and leaving me stranded. Choices and logic and I could afford it. I did literally every thing these people expected, and in the middle of meeting the terms of the agreement we made in order for us to do that, she made it hard all the way over petty bullshit nothing behavior. She was the one causing the mess and telling me to sit in it and don't speak about the injustice or defend myself against the blatant disrespect, humiliation and embarrassment they were to me. I never did anything wrong or show any bad behavior. When I read these papers it was literally the truth of every thing I had been through. The counselor, and paying for it? Trying to have healthy non blaming sit down conversations about the disrespect and disregard to me as a human being?

What I Got/Sublime
The wedding ring? I never cared about the diamond or the size. I loved the one I created. I had a elegant blue stone, because I like color, with a bridge of diamonds. When we went to buy a house we tried to get them to come with and they wouldn't. Do you not think this would of been the time to tell their pregnant daughter in law that their son knew nothing about how to do any of this? That was what both Christine and I talked about? The illusion and lie that we married? At least Steve had heart and sense enough to leave to find himself, because he said just that in one of our analyzing yet not judging the odd behavior we are both experiencing, yet couldn't see or explain it. Steve said it, something is missing with Greg? I knew that, hell I was living it and couldn't explain it.

You And Me/LlIFEHOUSE
I realized that all those clues I have picked up on in that big book isn't just universally so. The entity/enemy sitting at the table? The enemy and Greg would always be sitting at the enemies table for something he created every time. It sank in those dreams I had trying to get my way back into this families house and I mean that whole family to get my children out? The garden that attracted me, the family and the food and it was the enemy closer in, that curse. Just like Greg.

Hey There Delilah/Plain White T's
Then it hit me when God said he wanted the Jews that were practicing being Jewish gone from his flock, that he meant in all walks of life. The liars, the deviants in all walks of life gone. Those representing to have a heart and they don't. This family is the biggest lie of all. When Mary Stone and Greg did this, they just jumped on board. It's easier to make her invisible to hide our own deception and lies so this party never ends. I am so done with this. Elaine what you do not know is by the time you met me, I had a special Ed aunt that I spent my summers with. I worked with the special Ed. I was already a CNA for the elderly and that I took care of my grandparents while they took care of me the older I got. I had my beauty license my senior year. Went to the ATC was the youngest person there and managed a salon.

I'm In A Hurry/Alabama
That even if my family had issues, like the war between my mother and sister? Which was my mothers doing because my sister was just a child as well, it is my choice to step away and love them from afar and not allow it in my house. That is my choice to make. You never thought about how hard it was on me to grow up in a family with this war between these two and still walk out with love and compassion? You and Greg held that over my head like it is my issue and it wasn't because I was the youngest and the child.

Wake Me Up When September Ends/Green Day
You handed me garbage and you treated me like garbage. Truth is neither of you had any room to speak. When I walked into your life and put us all in counseling, then I wrote a seven page letter to you before Kiley was born because I wasn't going to continue the stress or the bad behavior from you this daughter in law. You still went right back to that bad behavior. The one whom looked up to you and yet whom was still more mature and stronger than you. Remember I was still the child to you? I never wanted your house or nothing from you. I didn't see quality, I saw family that was a deception and a lie.

Any Ol' Barstool/JA
In my family the grandparents went to the children on pagan holidays, but you wouldn't. Nothing would stand in the way of your timeline and your travels but we were expected to keep packing and hauling my two children back and forth and all around to meet your unrealistic demands and needs and still no credit. I'm standing in the woods with you mushroom hunting, did I eat them or make a dime? No. Did I care? No. You put a dollar and unrealistic value on literally every thing, those were your issues not mine. Yet I got Bob nitpicking the fuck out of me about my diet. I had a healthy clean diet. I had an explosive father in law that did nothing but judge, explode and blame. All you taught your son was ego. You condoned the crime he committed. You wrote it and me off, spread the rumors and lies. What happens when you aren't fed love and light? You die and this family did not feed me, they demanded and depleted me. 

Wasted/CU
Your son has never had any consequences for any bad behavior because you justified it and wrote it off to keep your party going. Truth is in my family homes growing up all of them, including family functions we didn't have alcohol or drugs. We had traditions revolved around food, family and fun. Every occasion was for the children. You nit picked me and my mother and spoke spitefully behind our backs about our traditions. Nickel and dimeing every thing and it was my stepdad and mother whom paid for it, not you. No you are the ten back I want off my rock and all the lies you carry in your heart. If you go to my children to make them ever feel guilty about the Truth I have spoken to you two for your bad behavior, I want you to remember whom it is I am?

Crash And Burn/TR
What did you think was gonna happen come judgment day? You didn't even have compassion toward my mother or me for the brother and son that we lost. My sister and I had that. Even in the middle of all the hell. We believe in second chances and my mother blew it, not us. She's the mother but do we wish her ill will? No. Now their may not be purgatory in heaven because it is right here on this rock. The two in purgatory being raped over and over is Adam and Eve. Elaine, I got a real man to get to with a real heart to guide my children for the rest of their lives. I look at it this way, you may not know that we all make an agreement with our higher power before we come here to live, so in that spirit world whomever you are to me, you are no longer.

Somethin' Like That/TMG
I don't care about that shell you wear or that curse you carry. Well I want you to remember being mother nature and all? I understand how this animal kingdom works? Whom are the bottom feeders and all? That circle of life that I will send you back to to be the bottom feeder for oh I don't know 7 sounds good. Over and over. I'll pick the zero's later. Kind of like Poseidon, being chained to a rock getting his liver eaten out each night for disobeying his father. That circle of life in mother natures animal kingdom and just how I will decide how you donate back to it? How you feed and how you will be the prey over and over? Remember purgatory isn't in heaven it is on this rock.

Southern Cross/CS&N
You need to focus on one thing and its not that sad pitiful malevolent cowardly soul you carry inside you, I want you to think about those two girls and what will happen to them right along with the rest of this rock with any choice you make this moment forward. The shit you pulled after my rape when I asked you not to tell Alex because I didn't want her to blame herself? You picked up the phone and did just that. You are not an honorable grandmother, you use my children to hide behind your failures, that is an unforgivable sin. Using my children just like you have all these years. This mother is done carrying your garbage. At least I speak Truth. I will not dishonor my family to keep your secrets and lies no more.

Round Here/FGl
You knew judgment day was upon you? All of you? To bad you didn't expect it to be this mother. Like the song says "What If God Were One Of Us" Your Original Sky Mother From Beyond here to get rid of the immoral pieces of shit deflectors all you little Loko's, the real riff raff off my rock this time. I know that for you to be this close to the line with whom it is you are to me and whom I am to you? You must of been a higher being with faith in your heart once upon a time, but I see you nothing more than a little LOKO just like you taught your son to be. The both of you. I suggest you push that little girl ploy you pull when someone calls you out on your bad behavior, I suggest you tell her to fuck off. Stand up be the mother you were supposed to be to that son and the grandparents to my grandchildren from this day forward, the choice is yours to make. Pick a door up or down and tell them Mary sent you. Hell Mary or Hale Mary the choice is yours. I want the Gregorian to fall out of the sky. I want to go home to that man.

Simple Man/LS
What kind of mother would I be if I didn't tell my Truth to my children, you and Bob? Just what you have coming down the pike? Elaine and Bob you might have a wallet but I got a rock. I got the brother of all brothers. I got the real big brother here to take down this system this big brother, this entity that was told not to sale the human race off to. Lets talk about energy? That atom your creation which is science and spirit, the atom or the Adam it don't matter really what you believe, as long as you love respect and honor the son, the sun, the creation God its all the same when it comes to love. Love is an energy. Love is an exchange of energy good and bad. Energy in to feed and energy out to feed others. It is a cycle of love and balance. Now when you take the human body we all have to agree that something makes you run? Something makes that heart beat and keep going? What humanity doesn't know is whether you think it's fate or Faith it's all the same atom that comes right up to that heart chakra, that atom. Your creation has that power to just turn you off. Your parents giveth and they taketh.

Holiday/Green Day
Universally things don't happen by accident. It just makes me ask who told Mary Stone after I told your son, to not interfere how she knew I was up there to come up and take photos of me praying peacefully by myself on native land then calling the police? Who told her? Why, is she still doing a character assassination like she and Greg did to me in 90 days after 12 years of marriage? I saw her twice, once in the afternoon praying by myself on a back corner with my hair in a braid, crying with my right hand in the air, (I am that right hand to God. I am the God Daughter, or the God Damned Daughter you choose) she took the photo and called the police. That is just it, why can this woman or anyone be able to pick up the phone and say whatever they want and I am left to defend myself? A peaceful woman. Then she shows up in the middle of the night, took my photo and told the police I was laying in the road? What is it Mary and your precious son are hiding? Could it be the crime that they can still both go to prison for?

She's Every Woman/GB
Could it be the documents I found the day after I disassociated? Or was accused of it. The ones your son stole and I had to steal them back. The one's I just found this last year and have sent copies to my family. Anything happens to me my family knows just where to point that finger. Being the Oracle this time and knowing what happened to the Celts when they tried to steal Gods Oracle, yes this little angel with the crooked halo, that smokes is me. You bet your sweet ass I'm back for Justice, Truth, Honor, and Love for that family upstairs and this one down here.

Bring Me To Life/Evanescence
Don't you two think suicide is a way out for you this time. Nope, you are not leaving my children with the guilt and lies of your bad behavior, ever. Not in front of them or behind me anymore. Don't you dare try to buy your way out of this either, don't you pay that bill to the State for him. I want a full confession from your son then I will decide or my brother will decide what to do with your son? When humanity figures out who it is I married and whom he represents? What he carries inside him? Lets just say he will have a target on his back, just like he pinned on me long ago.

In The End/Linkin' Park
I might be the Joker the Fool in this family tree of life I carry, not death. No with in laws like you deflectors immoral inhumane cowards such as you two I assure you I'm not foolin'. I got thirty years of hell being married to your son and you will get minimum. I learned just whom else it is that I am
When I woke at 4 a.m. I turned on the TV to Angels and Demons. I closed my eyes then I heard this, "Let the angels guide you on this lofty quest. In the beginning I used my angels." What book did I go get when I didn't know what the 3, 6, and 9's mean? Angels 101. I kept hearing Aries. Who else would know about the numbers and colors but Gods creation right up front? The angels.

Headstrong/Trapt
Earth, air, fire and water number five the two keys? Alex is this rock. Kiley is the water and I am the ram, the lamb, the rock, the sun God Aten, That fire sign for a reason, oh yes I can't wait for Justice to reign. Ponenete West wind an angel blowing out fire streams of air. Might want to stay ahead of that storm you got coming down on your head. Being mother natures daughter and all.

Paralyzer/Finger Eleven
Seraphin the fiery one, point of spear of fire. No Elaine I have invested to much time in you and yours having compassion and all. Dove angel looking East. What did I do and still do when I go home? I look and pray to the East. At the end of every cleansing dance and prayer? I'd look to the East at the man with the Bruno beard in the mountain and I'd sing with my hand in the air that man is mine.

You're Gonna Go Far, Kid/The Offspring
Now IC very clearly why he's the chosen one? The chosen father and just why I gave him my heart in that garden? Adam didn't have love until he had Eve. Jesus Christ didn't have Love until he had Mary. I know blasphemous lil' ole' me, to say that, but I'm talking crystal clear physical love with your wife, your life, your soul mate. Why would God not have JC experience love and life in all forms? It is you Pope Greg the first and all your pious pieces of shit whom just jumped on board and it is you this system and religion whom set up the lie and the unrealistic expectation on that lie. The unrealistic value that JC placed on his wife? He was her equal in all walks of life. Adam and Eve were equals as well. It is you mankind whom placed a value on sex and love between man and wife, not God.

Invisible Touch/Genesis
Justice is back. Now Bob and Elaine I want to make something very clear to you about who it is I am and that 1000 year timeline that God was going to keep the gates of hell closed? In case you hadn't noticed whom the real crypt keeper is with those keys? You know that 6000 year agreement I made in that garden, then that 2000 year agreement that I made with JC? What about ISIS and Osiris my family lineage?

Everybody Wants To Rule The World
How no one can ever figure that mans timeline? Truth is things move quicker up there, that 6 number right there, since I'm the little dog and well every year we live one year here it's seven for the little dog and six for the big dog? Well I am the Atom, that 01, the Creation. I am the little dog, cursed with Big Brother up my ass all these years. It's going to be 7000 years, not that measly one thousand.

(I Just) Died In Your Arms/Cutting Crew
The other part that makes me laugh, is when I saw the heart being placed on a scale with that white feather, which is related to your over all balance that you created here on this rock, you'd fail miserably, because of all the deception and lies you carry behind that kind little face. I mean take a look at your sons birth sign Elaine? Balance and since I'm not only Eve but the original Atom I'd have to say we are way off balance. How did we get that way?

Carried Away/GS
You two and your creation of your own making. I'm giving you back all your dirty laundry and that curse you carry the curse of the Gin and the depression, and that your son and Mary Stone are the reason for ISIS the very first word I said when I stood on that oil can. Hey they called me forth. What did they name this war?

Roll On/Alabama
Here I stand, Mary Magdalene the Queen of this church, the queen of this rock and that man. From what I can tell looking at all this history of what these past queen's went through all these centuries being raped, beaten and beheaded for the sake of their babies and their country? The way this mother see's it having to come back and carry your sons dirty laundry and curse I understand why I'm back to get rid of this piece of shit son of yours once and for all. I know why they brought the Queen Bee back for this fight? Yeah, you fucked with the wrong sister, with the wrong big brother. You fucked with the wrong daughter with the wrong father. You fucked with the wrong wife with the wrong husband. You certainly fucked with the wrong mother. That 01. The Atom. A creation of your own making.

If Tomorrow Never Comes/GB
Don't you even try to guilt me with your elderly behavior if you can still make a frat party and serve up the Gin at the age of 82? I want you to remember you had a lifetime with your children, mine were unjustly stolen and I'm taking my children back and keeping what I have left.

Fishin' In The Dark/NGDB

I Want To Know What Love IS/Foreigner

Drive/AJ

Small Town Southern Man/AJ

Love Without End Amen/GS

Forever And Ever Amen/RT

Follow Your Heart

Boot Scootin' Boogie/B&D
Music today Thumbprint on Pandora's Box. This is where it plays a little bit of everything I listen too. That way I don't choose my emotions they walk me through when I write. What you don't know is being an oracle and a scribe I have to hit just the right emotion for a few days. Being the tourmaline rock and all? Energy in process it, spin it around and around processing all my emotions and discoveries I have been walking through? Then I hit the keyboard and let it go and let God.

Peaceful Easy Feeling/Eagles.
I love it. My bald eagle headed man. The representation of this nations bird. Justice, freedom, this slavery comes to an end. That Thunderbird whom just happens to be living in the land of hawk's? The beavers? All my whity beaver jokes from my past and just what I figured out in this man in the last couple day's? My Kryptonite and just why he's like a dagger to my heart? That man breaks me every time. I now know how he got his middle name? The meaning mountain and music. He always seems to hit just the right note in just a few conversations. A few key words I need to hear to keep me getting up, and coming back.

Lady/Little River Band Isn't that just the note the lyric, look around you? That is just what they had me doing throughout this journey. Turns out throughout my life. Just watch, listen. Learn what you can learn each step of the way. Stand not in judgment. Have compassion. Take the good leave the bad and move it forward in each day. What would be the word for that? Not compassion, but righteousness, humility and grace. Are those bad character traits to carry? One of my favorite things to do in life was to watch mother nature, and mankind in their own settings. Their character traits, in all walks of life. Listen, watch and learn something new every day. That is why I like a diversified group of people. and being a hair designer and waitress you have allot of sit downs with people from all sorts of life. I learned from this part as I would listen to someone telling me their stories. Showing me their true heart, their true character. Nothing better than to bend someone's ear whom you do not know. You really don't care what anyone else thinks, or they don't. Because I am a stranger and they can turn and say, behave anyway they want for that two dollar tip and no one would know any better. As a customer your always right, right?

You Are The Woman/Firefall music from the heart today IC? The Truth is yes you are. No better way to show your true character and who you really are then when your alone with a woman at a 24 hour truck stop? Truth be told I learned to see the true character behind a man long ago. I learned to dodge those bullet's put a smile on my face, or a frown and a good tongue lashing when I'd call them on their bad behavior their true intent. It's my life on the line not theirs. It's my lively hood. You think I didn't wish the one thing this place had was camera's to protect me and not their money?  Being told you cannot defend yourself while being attacked in a place like that for this?

Dist In The Wind/Kansas
It was at that truck stop at Ken's truck town when a story got back to my manager about a scene, he said you tell them what ever you want just don't use a swear word. You don't have to take that. That is support from your boss people. While I'm standing at my computer literally every table full and a line at the door. No bus boy either. Some rich asshole waves a five dollar tip and yells across the crowded room that that five dollar tip was mine if I'd just come and sit on his lap. How many jobs and how many times have I had to put up with this bullshit right here just to earn a living? I have learned in the last five years, I have put up with just this shit and bad behavior from male counterparts I have served in all walks of life in one form or another.

Tequila Sunrise/Eagles
Especially in my own home and my own marriage. That is exactly how that man would make me feel and he'd allow others to behave that way. How disgusting to discover just why that black snake crawled under my lawn chair the day I tried to have a moment lying alone while my daughter was asleep? The day I looked up from my book and my X is sitting in a boat full of men and they are all staring at me. I knew one thing that whatever was being said about me and the way it was being said, was not very honorable? That was just the thing with this man is he got off on it. It curdled my stomach. He'd just laugh it off every time I asked him about anything. He deflected it back as a joke, it's all in my head, I'm crazy.

Pink Houses/JM
Figuring out the one all those years who really needed therapy? Who really carried that black cloud? Whose really that black cobra in that garden is my X? Who was marked for this life? The cause of desert storm? Learning Kyle was in the service and he was an honorable man in another way? Kyle's two mothers because of this man? Learning my X. is the Truth behind all this depression, this system and the pharma hell system we got sitting in every institution today? For example our schools? Just ready to drug you up and shut you down from ascending and finding the Truth any way they can? First the ADHD and now the depression? Let's label and drug them up some more to take the blame. So this system can get humanity to adapt to this new system of numbers to follow? To feed this Matrix?

Old Time Rock & Roll/ BS
The Truth behind this system is just that keep the human body suppressed, hurting and tired for as long as it can until you break and develop an auto immune disease like Lupas? Keep you hurting and suffering filling your institutions and pharma hell system? That wolf disease and my disappearing wolf kingdom? Cause and affect over time in mother nature. Anything we do to her and her children in all this off balance our systems are gonna pay in one form or another it doesn't matter and it doesn't care. The reason why their is no alternative healthcare? They put a high cost on just getting a massage and adjustment long ago? It's a luxury to not hurt today, isn't that right?

I'd Do Anything For Love/Meatloaf how prophetic this group is.
Keep the one's whom can't speak for themselves taking the hits for all this depression and that curse of the Gin. This depression for that depression. Lack of food.? Don't feed the lepers? Put them on their own reservation? Didn't you do that to all these other indigent ones that you stole from long ago? That scarlet letter A that was unjustly placed upon my back? Just how you the insurance is making a living off of humanities suffering and that high cost of sin in those court rooms with all your blanket label's and laws placed on mankind's heads? To feed your monopoly game using humanity? Keeping them suffering and hurting? I cannot wait for Justice to prevail and shut all this slavery down in all those institutions you created when you put a high price on sin. Hiding the Truth behind all those closed doors in all walks of life? Stopping humanity from evolving inside their hearts? Is a crime in all walks of life. It is a crime on my passion. 

Stairway To Heaven/Led Zeppelin
To hide the Truth of Jesus Christ and Mary? Yeah I figured it out yesterday just what this family did to me on this journey? Standing in my doorway yesterday it finally dawned on me just what this man did that stands above my head? He brought me right back around to my heart. The Truth of that apple in that garden is standing inside that man. It is his heart. It is that apple of Gods eye I see standing there inside that man. It was the day Eve gave Adam her heart, that sacrifice she made when she picked that poisonous apple off of the wisdom tree of life? The reason why I am not afraid to bleed for him, isn't just that brother, that husband, that father that stands above me with all these holy mothers? No it is why he was chosen that struck me in the heart when he said, I'm not dead yet. You carry your Faith inside you. Just as I have my whole God Damned life I lead. It was the day I said to Kiley, "oh honey you don't need to stand on a soap box to talk about or find God. You carry him inside you each day. It's a matter of morals, integrity, values and principals that you can carry inside you to serve God each day. Only to discover that even though every thing was stolen from me by Mary Stone and Greg now I have one question for my son, my brother, that black cobra from the garden whom feels that I owe him anything for this heavy fine and burden for his families pack of lies? Which door brother? 

Bring On The Rain/JDM
I have discovered a thing or two? Their is nothing wrong with learning what love is by living what love isn't. At least my mother didn't cripple me. She taught me something? She taught me to survive. Hell Elaine your son couldn't balance a bank account. He knew nothing about insurance or even how to pay a bill. He couldn't change the oil in the car and process how you need to change the filter every time too. That clean oil just washes through that dirty filter and clouds everything up again.

Set Fire To The Rain/Adele
Even after chiropractic school learning from that organic chemistry with that Vitruvian man on the front? Who wrote the book on organic chemistry. That filtration system, that framework, that bone structure, that he to learned from mother nature. That Tree Of Life, and all those nerve endings and all those tentacles if cut off from any blood supply it is going to affect the central nervous system.  The day Jim and I are standing there looking at Greg explaining over and over in many different ways, the frame, the structure, you have to build it first. He did not bother to finish or do one job. He did not meet the terms of any agreement I have met with that man, not one mother flocking time.

Breathe/AN
He is the liar and the sociopath. He is the black heart. He is incapable of speaking Truth even if it came up and bit him on the ass. No Elaine not your precious son. I mean that is something you always lacked right there was common sense. Common sense about anything?Common sense about money, how much things really cost? You see Elaine my mother may have had money issues not debt.  It was when JC flipped over the table at Passover. All those gold coins? The verse the enemy sits at the table? It was all those parties? Why did they kill my husband, my father, this mothers son? You wouldn't want to ruin the party now. Hell Elaine it was you whom couldn't even stop those parties with your friends, all those gatherings on Friday nights when your son played football? You couldn't be bothered. You raised a sociopath son and you taught him how to do nothing but to keep up the party. Keep up the show. Don't stand in the way of Greg's Gin that he hides behind.

Hands/Jewel
It was my duty to drive his drunk ass around for ten years. It was his Royal crown I took the blame for. It was his weed under the mattress not mine. One of our many fights to get this shit out of my house. What did you say to me after divorce court about that weed? Yeah bitch it turns out the day your son walked in the door strutting his stuff in all his evil glory and pride, the day he said he only married me for the money. He thought I'd be rich one day. Isn't that just the point if he had just given me a moment to breath and catch up. If you all had just stopped pointing the fingers, nit picking the fuck out of me for anything Blaming me for every thing in this marriage, this planet would not be here today, in this condition.

Girl Crush/Little Big Town
He poisoned my Molly, he poisoned my Kraft, he stole the very best parts of me. My heart. You just stood by and allowed it. To hide your failures as a mother. What kind of mother doesn't know how to spell her own sons middle name? You couldn't answer one question, without your deflection of blame right back onto me. No matter how I asked it. Not even to save your own grand daughters life. To hide all your failures and fears. You couldn't or wouldn't tell me that you were allergic to eggs. When I let you know I'm asking for Kiley who is screaming in writhing pain around a nine month inoculation. You couldn't even tell me if your son ever had chicken pox or Measles. You couldn't or wouldn't bother.

Something Like That/TM
Now Elaine you are a coward, a liar and a dishonor as a mother, a mother in law or grandmother. Now I know I don't always like Truth, but today I love me some Truth to destroy that little girl you turn into every time. Me and Steve your own son, that you would turn into a little girl anytime we tried to have any sit down conversation about your lies and bad behavior. No Elaine I look at it this way. What kind of mother would I be if I didn't tell my children the Truth? That you fucked with the wrong mother, with the wrong brother. the wrong wife and the wrong mother. You Bob and your little black ten back you hide behind right along with that Gin son of yours are not welcome at this mothers table.

Where I come From/AJ
Nope you will not eat from this mothers tree of life. You will not ever play in this garden. No siree Bob. You are a disgrace. I mean Bob how you could even allow this is astounding? Who in the hell raises their children with no chores? Not even to learn the just reward of creating and building something with your own hands? You did not even teach that boy a skill in any walks of life. All he learned, was deception, how to hide behind the parties and all the fun while I pick up the pieces and clean up your mess. You did not teach him what work is and the value of work. How things really get done, and the time it takes? How much back breaking hard work it is? No little lady. You raised this little beast and you are gonna clean up your own mess, the both of you.

My Baby Loves Me/Martina McBride
All I ever asked in this life was for Truth and I have given you my child all of you more than enough time to clean up this mess and get this bounty off my head. I ain't stepping through any door with any man carrying your curse and lies. You are nothing but thieving cowards, you are the lie. You are the illusion. Wow how Illusia has been so illuminating on this little family and all their little lies. Whooo WEEEEE!!!!!

Meet Me In The Middle/DR
No I didn't dirty up this mothers slate. You see I knew one thing in my life growing up and that I was the child. I always carried a voice inside me that got me through any door I walked through, and no Elaine it was never your son. So I'm a Sooth Seer, proud of it. You my little lady get to pick a door from this day forward, in each thing you say and do about this little mother, because I learned something else too that I heard in the beginning and that is Greg can not eat until Ahmed feeds him. That turns out is me. The entity, in the Quran, is me this mother. Your son can't eat nor feel love until this mother removes this Gin off from his head, right along with the rest of the human race. No this mother does not want to hear one more spiteful malevolent little lie for all the daggers you stuck in my back covering up your failures not mine.

Where The Green Grass Grows/TM
You know like that anything you say to me I give it all right back to you? Point that finger at me you point four back to yourself. Funny thing about me is I've always pointed my finger up. I'm not the blamer or the game player. I'm not the black snake, or the bad seed. No siree Bob, whom I am is, Justice, and that is my tell all about you and your deviant little black family IC hiding behind that Gins door. I give you back your Gin. I give it all back to you threefold, nine layers down with Mary Stone and Demon boy. No their isn't a court high enough on this rock for what you got coming down on your head. That's right Jump Jap. I kept meeting people with the name Storm, and wouldn't you all do have a storm coming down on your heads. You see Elaine it turns out the C in my name doesn't stand for Klean like you pronounce my name. Since I'm the Atom the original creation of this rock, it seems what that C really stands for is your Creator. That's right a Creation of your worst making if you don't get this bounty off my head. The way this mother sees it, your precious thieving son will be sitting in a cell for a long long time. Weather on this rock or nine layers down with Mary Stone.

How You Remind Me/NB
Eye for and eye in my family. Blanket Justice, blanket blame. I wouldn't want to be any of you whom thinks your getting by me to get into heavens gates. You see Elaine it turns out I am the Lost Anastasia. I am royalty. Yeah that's right Blasphemous little old me. You know That Babylon Jezebel whore that sits with ten big horns in a purple dress and chalice in her hand is this mother. Now I heard Babylon falls in one hour. I'd beat feet little bitch to get those babies back home to me. I don't ever want to hear any poor pitiful stories, of poor Colleen, I hope she gets help.

The Reason/Hoopstank
I never needed any help, not from you anyways. Which is why I never asked for it except one time to show up and you couldn't be bothered you coward. You are a disgrace to mankind and motherhood. Guess who I am in all this under JC's name, I'm the Judge. Well this mother has judged you 9 layers down you and your little ten back go. I will never allow my children to ever to think anything about you is honorable. You are a liar and thief. You bitch are the Babylon whore with money issues not me. My job here this time around was to break all these chains that bind. All these lies you carry behind all your institutions. It was my job to break down every wall on this rock to begin anew for a clean slate for everyone.

She's A Rebel/Green Day
I am the diamond in the rough. This poor little rich girl, owns this rock and I hold the keys to heavens gates. It seems God had me following my heart all along. The blue heart on a rock, in the rocks, in the dirt and in the clouds. Can your mother and father do that? No, but mine can. Then onto the Cheshire cat I go all those numbers in of 3,6, and 9's in his addresses?

Holiday/American Idiot
Whose the fool now bitch and who has egg on their face now? That's right. You can't hide nothing from God come judgment day. Not even the lies you carry in your little black heart. Nothing in your closet, nor under any rock will be left this time around and this mother does mean that.

Better Man/LBT
Now what's in a name? Volumes. I have a Michael Gregory. I have a Steven Michael and I have standing over here your son. Gregory Allen. You see how these names go round and round right here? I have my Arch Angel Michael who carries that Gregorian name? Your son. Over here I have your son Steven Michael, the one whom gave me the book Conversations with God all those years ago? Another Arch angel just in name. What do I discover in this little 10 black family curse you carry? The missing link, the GAP in all this? My brother, my X, that I met in that garden of Eden? No bitch he's not Adam but as usual he blamed Adam to justify and get a pay out for his idiotic behavior. Who paid Adam? Who suffered and lost their lives and lively hoods? Me and my sister. Who collected the check and didn't earn nothing? Your son.

Hell Of A Night/DL
Since I'm looking at two brothers and one sister and my brother my son Michael, and out of the four of us I have two question's to ask you? What's the difference between these four people and what is the same? Come on now I got take you back to sesame street for this one? IC three of us whom have hearts and I know what side of Love they stand on. Over here I have the one with no heart. The one whom you taught to keep the party going to cover your deception and lies. Now Elaine I'm gonna have to ask you now when it comes down to my children which son do you think this mother is here to destroy once and for all?

I Wish It Would Rain Down/PC
I assure you no one wants that Gregorian to fall out of the sky more than this mother. Don't you worry your pretty little head over this one Elaine. I got this, UC not only am I Babylon but it turns out I am the Bishop. You know that other Big Bishop from that Catholic Church that I have taken down in my book of justice. You know those seven little Bishops I carry inside from those twelve little red Cherokee's those seven little Navajo's? Hey how about those original 7 that when mankind was created descended from those stars? Or those nine's? You know those nine principals of the universe this rock couldn't even abide by for the good of mankind? Don't you worry yourself none, it turns out this mothers first broom was a dirt devil. This little mother is here to clean up all those little lies you carry as you sweep your little mess that you two created on your own. Now the way IC it. They didn't bring the Original Sky Mother From Beyond to lose this fight. No siree Bob.

The Boys Of Summer/DH
Who is still showing up all these years at your age to party with these young children in their 80's? That would be you whom showed up at a frat party getting liquored up with my daughter. Now if you think I'm going to let you serve it up to my daughter to carry the blame and label of that scarlet letter A that was so unjustly placed upon my head. You know the one that made it so I could never speak with out being told, I'm lying, minimizing, blaming every time I tried to speak about anything? You might want to think again. I learned the difference between a sociopath and a psychopath too? That one gets you to put the weapon in your own hand to pull the trigger and the other enjoys the hunt. The game and doing it themselves. Either way all you little black hearts, and curses are going bye bye. Go ahead, say one word against me.

Tonight, Tonight/Genesis
One word of label or blame toward me when you beat feet bringing my babies home with not one dot touched on their heads, I found it clearly written what will happen to you of you speak against this mother from this day forward. Ashes to ashes dust to dust bitch, up or down you and your little black ten back curse go off my back and you ain't coming back until you sit in my families A.A. and serve up your time. Upstairs or downstairs, I really don't give a flying flock. I'm taking it all back. My good name, my dignity and yes while I'm at it my pride, my family, my children. Not yours you little cunt. Never yours. Tick Tock bitch your days are numbered.  Go ahead make my day bitch. Pull the trigger. I look forward to this dance. I found my heart, my happy ending and my man. The one True father that roams this earth and well Thank God he ain't nothing like your son.

Jesus Take The Wheel/Cu
Now that last day I spoke to your son, I told your son, nothing grows without love and light. Like Oden said at the end of American God's not until you pray for it. Yesterday I turned on one of my favorite movie's once upon a time. The Stigmata. Your Savior or your Stigmata, the Sphinx, this mother doesn't give a flying flock, it came on to the verse and the truth of why this was my favorite movie?
"The Kingdom of God is inside you and all around you. It is not in a building, made of wood and stone. Split a piece of wood, I am there. Lift a stone and you will find him."

Chasing Pavements/Adele
I did I found Him. He like I have Faith, and we carry it inside us. It turns out the day I walked myself down the aisle in Hawaii, Round Top park you remember? I didn't walk alone after all. I walked with my one true brother, my one true husband and my one true father all along. Well he's never left me, he never will either, this father, this man with heart has one thing you don't? That's unconditional love. You can't put a price on that, if you do it's not love it's possession. You didn't invest in family. You invested in your Gin, your friends, your games. You didn't feed love, teach or guide anything. You did not set a good example. You are not love, family truth and honor. You are a curse, a liar, a thief and a coward. You are the unforgiven right along with Mary Stone.

Little Do You Know/Alex & Sierra
Little do you know I love you and only you Kyle. I have had and always will have just one heart for all of eternity.

Song Of The South/Alabama
Hey I can't help whom I am. You know what I like myself just fine. A simple woman with heart. This rocks Holy Mother. HEEEE HAAAAWWWWW!!!!!!!!! Irony in all this my first song ever written, fifth grade, Keep On Trucking For The Lord. Just family business Elaine, nothing personal. Sorry Elaine once again you invested in the wrong profit and the wrong stock it seems. You fed the wrong flock. You fed yourselves, your ego, your elite and entitled behaviors to hide that your mother left you on a farm and drove away with your sister to go work as a live in maid. She didn't even give you the love or courtesy to tell you. These are your abandonment issues, not mine. My family didn't abandon me you did. In doing that you did permanent damage to my daughters to feed your petty childish behavior. You didn't invest in family, love or light. You made your bed bitch and you are gonna lie in it. Their will be a party when this is done and well you Bob, your precious son and black ten back are not invited. I will not have any more poison in this mothers garden or at my table.

Just Got Started Lovin' You/James Otto
Please God now do get what I screamed out at all those river and rocks with feathers in my hair? Bring my man home. Bring my man home to me. Not another day. Not another minute without my heart. Some of you might ask what is my stance with God today? Let's just say I'm not standing and I haven't been for over a week now since our last conversation. No this little monkey turned back into a mother. I have a hold of him by his shirt with my knee's planted in his chest. Asking when is enough? Hasn't he been through enough? Haven't we been through enough God?

Friends In Low Places/GB
Boy do I ever. Just roaming around down here in my mothers animal kingdom, with all the rest of the fallen angels? Just waiting to all rise up out of these vessels. From the Lily's to the Roses I rise, no more bed of thorns for this mother. Oh no not any more. This mothers gonna turn all those Toads back to handsome princesses, and the rest of you get to go back to the farm 9 layers down. What If God Were One Of Us? Should of never judged a book by it's cover.

Little Bitty/AJ

The Best Of My Love/Eagles
If Jesus Mother Flocking Christ is my cross to bare then so be it. For this brother, this father, this son, you don't have to ask twice. Of course I'd swim through a sea of sharks for him. Just to howl under that man in that garden once and for all. To feed our children love and light once and for all. So all my children can begin anew with a clean slate, no more label's. No more burden's, no more fine's or fee's. Out with that high price of sin which is all a lie. You bet my sweet honey peachy ass. I can see very clearly this mothers gonna get her happy ending. The day of my surgery I received another universal sign. On my way to surgery, I looked up and a white van drove by with the word Berge on the side.

Sail On/The Commodores
Lonesome Loser/LRB
I Love You/CB
I'll never be, Your Beast Of Burden/Rolling Stones
Proud Mary/Credence Clearwater Revival
Their we go my Q. That I cast my little spell of Truth and love. That I put it all their on the line. For today this mother is done.
Lips Of An Angel

Isn't that what the key right there.

Middle Of A Memory

Middle Of A Memory/CS
I haven't written in awhile. So much has happened you have no idea. Last Saturday Kyle messaged me. The moment I've been waiting for. Once again I just didn't know what to say? How do I tell him your like Kryptonite in my heart? I know who you are to me? You break me inside every time. Talk about eating crow? I know back to myself right? Sometimes what you don't realize is once I have written something down I didn't just get to that realization it takes awhile to come back down and around to acceptance and destiny. Well some of the things I have written in past on assumption comes back around and bit me on the ass. Just picture a lion with black feathers being coughed up as I listen to his words. Evidence all over my face on this one.

I See You/LB
I was supposed to be the one to walk through the pain this time not him. He was supposed to go home and get on with his life. My brother was holding my teddy bear under the crook of his arm which gave me the faith to let him go. Nothing will happen to him. Then it gets worse. He had cancer again with no one there for him. He gets kidnapped, held for ransom. Shot and left for dead. I saw those pictures, and I can't stop looking at them. At least I knew why I was taking the hits and not swinging back he didn't. In this family tree of life, the just reward once you walk through it is, "your not dead yet, you lived." My mantra all along this journey, "I ain't dead yet" and he said just those words talking about faith. The blessings are so bountiful in this family tree of life I carry upon my back. It's a love and hate relationship each day.

Jumper/3rd Eye Blind
This group, I remember writing if I was standing underneath him, I'd reach up and knock right on that third eye I know you have. He tried calling and I wouldn't pick up the phone, I didn't want to hear his voice, I know what I would do if I heard his voice or saw him? I'd do nothing but cry. I wouldn't be able to say one God Damned word that made any sense. I didn't expect to still be with Michael. In the beginning aside from this agreement I made, does no one understand anymore "jumping from the skillet to the fry pan?" I couldn't do that. I'm to old for this bullshit.

Free Bird/LS
What he doesn't know is I don't have to have him on the phone to hear his voice. I could hear him loud and clear like he was standing right there. I know his voice like I know my own. I tried to tell him all I knew about him before we moved further into the conversation. He kept going back to that one thing that I could not answer? This man is like a dagger in my heart. I said to him after all the strange stuff I have said to you about this agreement I made you still only have this one question? I want so bad to answer that question because only God knows I can, its just the interim? It's how we get to that point that scares me? I told him I see mushroom bombs on one side and him on the other. I want to run right to him but I'm scared. What will this do to his children that I can communicate and do communicate with his wife? What will this do to him and his children emotionally? Like I want to bring that up inside them again?

Hanging By A Moment/Lifehouse
How horrifying is this? I wanted to tell him the end result where we will end up yet how do I explain that I know this? I asked him questions about his childhood and he didn't remember. If he's my twin how come he doesn't have the third eye? Then I remembered, oh yeah I'm the seer. I'm the oracle and in the old days the kings had their oracles and seers. This poor man probably thinks I go into some kind of trance the funny thing is I don't its just a part of who I am. It's an all day thing with everyone, to me its not bad because I don't try on my own to do this. I don't want to intrude. I let my guides lead me where they want me to go what, where and when they want me to see things. I don't think about it as I move through my day. I do and behave like normal people. Then they get me alone and I dance we play charades while I start my day.

Shooting Star/Bad Company
His daughters are having children of their own now. In the beginning that is exactly what I was freaking out about? Protecting the babies. I told him why I looked him up, because I kept feeling a bull presence? I wanted to know if he was the Taurus, the bull? I explained the sequence of numbers I did find where he fits in at? My number three. With Alex, Kiley, Kyle then me the Joker mother the fool in this family tree. That quite frankly is tired of being the butt end of every ones joke. He said my name came up in a conversation and he heard I was doing better. I forgot to ask but I wanted to ask how could you have a conversation with someone else about me? For starters not one person bothered to ask me the what's or the why's the whole time? Anyone's opinion of me would be based on assumption and nothing more. How could anyone know anything if they didn't ask? It's been like that for me for thirty years and I am done with that shit. The gossip, bullshit and lies all based on someone else's fears, and my X's black jaded heart of stone. He couldn't speak the Truth if it came up and bit him in the ass. He is incapable of love and compassion.

Drops Of Jupiter/Train
I want to see any of you have the balls to do what I did? Man or woman? No every one else is to worried about what every one else will think. The Truth is I never did give a damn because in my life no one ever asked. On the rare occasion someone does, it's another program or box. Another system to report to. Truth is I never asked. My spirit and my life no longer fit in any one of your boxes. This rock is my church and it belongs to me and mine. Like I said to Greg in the beginning before he sold me out, this is a small family run business and that is all it will ever be. The one true thing that man ever said to me was this, "if I don't agree with him, he's just going to come in and take it." It was from day one of opening those doors all of a sudden people want to partner up or buy into my family business that wasn't for sale in the first place. Greg just kept trying to jump on board and we barely got started. Constantly some kind of get rich quick thing with him. I kept explaining money doesn't grow on tree's. You work for what you have when your younger.

Be Like That/3 Doors Down
Mary Stone talked Greg into becoming incorporated so others can buy stock in my little business. First of all I was Incorporated we just didn't need to do this now or ever. She wanted to become a partner this way. Work for free to buy her way in to earn her part and I said no. In less than 90 days at this time Greg and Mary removed my name off from everything. In the interim he's getting people to watch me for something that I wasn't doing. Going to the doctors and four neurologist for migraines. Trying to figure out what the cause is so I can move forward. Being married to a sociopath with a black heart all those years?

Angel/Shaggy
A sociopath doesn't see pain. A sociopath is lazy and entitled. If you cross their path they have such egos that you are gonna pay and pay I did. I lost everything and never allowed to speak or defend myself in court. He pointed the finger and this system didn't take care of the trigger, but hey that's justice for you in this land of freedom now. Having a blanket game plan set in stone in the justice system? To fill your institutions right from the start and from there it just piles on. I couldn't speak ever, I meant the Truth without being told, I'm lying, blaming or minimizing. No it's not that at all, its the Truth and you set your system up this way long ago.

Tequila Sunrise/Eagles
The blame game for your finger pointing and labels to cover your own bad behavior and crimes of the heart. Not mine. Now I see they are testing children at the age of twelve for depression? Does no one else see a problem with this? How big brother put their nose in every kitty long ago right their in our children's public schools. Then they train the councilors and teachers to jump on board to the new game plan. Just like they did with that ADHD label because you changed the curriculum to feed a system of numbers not my children.

Forever And Ever Amen/RT
I didn't ask when I went into that first treatment on the advise of my lawyer whom never let me explain anything to have to be labeled and report to big brother for the rest of my life. When this is done, big brother you will get your nose out of my ass as well as the rest of this United States. This is not freedom, nor is it a fair justice system. From what I can see our justice system has done nothing but feed and support the elite. When you hand someone a state attorney they aren't fighting for you. They are walking you through the states timeline to fill a machine. On guidelines and standards to fill other machines and institutions. It's a monopoly.

Lady/LRB
You never should of allowed insurance to come in and take control of another human beings life. The value, the high cost of sin that you have placed on it. You allowed it to make its own laws, set it's own guidelines and standards in all walks of life. This system is not life it is death just like you were told from your past with all your taxes, mark up and fee's on everything. The Boston Tea Party, still today we've got some jack ass working on the outside trying to get there hands in the mix too. Go around and make money off the little people. Fuck all the rest right? Feed yourselves I see? I'm just done with this bullshit. I'm Justice and that is my book in her left hand.

You Found Me/The Fray
Now that I got that out of my system, I just want this done. Kyle still wanted an answer to that one question even after I told him of the wish I had made for him after our first conversation. "He is a good man. I hope he finds the one. This man deserves to find the one." I just didn't want that one to be me. I was stepping out not in. Then the second conversation as he was speaking, this is where I saw a man walking through the pain every day. Some scars you do not see. Even though he spoke of his children in my heart I kept thinking and seeing a man that did this for those two mothers and he had me right there. This is the Father, this man is a real man. This is everything any woman would want in a husband and a father.
Small Town JCM
Now I understand what his wife meant when she said he is an honorable man? That is exactly what I saw in this man that he honored those children as a father but in my heart what broke me was that he honored his wife. He didn't drop that ball because he honored his wife, his life, even after that rug was pulled out from under him. He just kept taking the hits and moving forward. With no one to feed him unconditional love and he had no outlet. When you have that you don't need anything more. A man with heart. This was all before I knew I was a heart reader.  I thought I married that. I married the complete opposite. Even more so because my X was marked for this from the get go, just in the numbers he received and that birth date? The reason why he lost his wife and his life is because of me. How do I bring that into his life and yet here thinking about it, it is in his life. He's cursed and fated just like I told him, everything we are doing is so our children don't have to.

Under The Bridge/RHCP
He said it, he's tired of walking through the pain everyday. That I already knew, I too am tired of walking through the pain everyday. I'm tired of being alone inside my heart. Then he tells me, of all times his girlfriend was cheating with the neighbor. Once again during a tragedy in his life someone else drops the ball. I asked "Kyle who fed you?" I knew the answer? Left alone to pick up the pieces and begin anew once again.
Ask Any Ole Barstool
I have lived just this scenario over and over. What kills me is how some people only see what someone has on the outside and not what someone carries on the inside. It's not pity I have, it's compassion. I want to feed this man in all walks of life. Hell I cant decide to feed him or eat him. He is adorable. I have been taken for granted over and over. Since when is it a crime to be a good person? Why do the good ones have to pay the high price for love? Putting it out there and not getting it back depletes the human spirit, then slowly our soul suffers and we wonder just why are we here doing this all alone?

She Will Be Loved/Maroon 5
What do you want me to do? You call me two days before a major surgery that I have needed for years. I wanted so badly to walk away from all of it. The surgery and everything, but it took to long for me to get this far. What he doesn't know is why I don't want that surgery? Not only do I have to start over once again. Go back on pain pills long term. Not just a week here and there. How can I look up at him? I was risking losing flexibility in my neck. The symbolism of what this braid really means for this rodeo ride and they want to do surgery on my neck? At this time in my life? To put something steel inside my body when I know their is a lightening rod out there with my name on it? I knew when he told me he was shot and one of those bullets is still inside him, that was the answer I needed to move forward, pull back tell him what I needed him to know once again. No matter how crazy it sounds. 

Peaceful Easy Feeling/Eagles
If he can go through cancer a third time on his own? Kidnapped, beaten, shot twice and the first bullet missed his head, for this rock and he doesn't even know why? He still has a bullet inside his body to boot and he never did nothing to anyone. If he can, I can move forward. The day of my surgery I looked up and a white van drove by, the word on the side was Berge. I couldn't believe they gave me this sign, this close of all days, because he turned me off yesterday? I know those labels can be a heavy load, but I needed him to hear the Truth in my words. He doesn't understand the power behind those names and what is being handed to him for the rest of his life. His children's life. His grand children's life.

Reminiscing/LRB
I kept trying to explain what I could and he kept bringing me back to me and him. I told him I'm still stuck between a rock and a hard place. I mean talk about feeling that chain around my right ankle right now? Standing on that fence line chained in purgatory?  Ready to leap and in the interim while we figure this out I have no where to leap to. I don't want to be with Michael, I haven't for a long time. I gave up on love long ago. I accepted I would never find love long ago. That was okay as long as my children had their father, they had love. Then I discover this father isn't even feeding them but making them work for their food? I knew Greg never worked for his food a day in his life. At that time Greg had me before that his mother. Just because you can work a garden and plow a field it doesn't mean you are feeding others. If your not feeding others whats the point being all alone with no family? 

Danny's Song L&M
I wanted to tell him about the night in August when I sat crying under the blue moon, what I heard and why I took off screaming, running for that gold field? Why I left it all behind? I wanted to tell him why I hated his plane? I heard we go down in a plane in four years. I was running and screaming, "no no no, you can't do this. Only four years to spend with our children and our grandchildren? We only get four years together on this green earth? Then I yelled up at the sky, I don't care about no rats. I don't care about no snakes." I laid down in that gold field under the moonlight curled up in ball crying, rocking myself to sleep. When I woke up at sunrise I was cold. I got up and walked to that gold mound. I laid in the sun facing East on the side, I curled up in a ball circled by stickers and I fell back to sleep. When I awoke I didn't want to know no more. I didn't care about anything else up to that point. I went and got my tobacco and my perc me up. My coffee bean, found my green and I began anew once again. Hoping and praying that everyday I'm out here I'm buying us more time together on Gods green earth to spend with our children not just in spirit, but the heart, body, mind and soul. The real deal for just awhile longer.

I Go Crazy/PD
I told him my fears? "Great I'd fall in love with a man and he'd up and die on me. You get cancer again and live? Kidnapped, shot twice? Heart and lung shots the third bullet missing your head and you lived? Your a heart attack on a plate" He doesn't understand I get it. What he doesn't see is the bigger picture that I see. Is that I finally find the one and he dies? I wouldn't want to live. I'd have no choice but to carry on and walk alone through the pain once more. It's not just me and mine anymore I don't just have five I have another ten. All of whom have lost so much already, the last thing I could do is walk away once again, because now I have all these other young women with crazy emotions to walk through. I know what he doesn't know is that both sides lost their mother. He only knows one side.

Get Me Some Of That/TR
Then he said it again my greatest fear, that their are grand babies in the picture all red heads. He not only brought me back to my sun but his own son and this mother wants to scream inside, "That fault line is going to come crashing down, pull them in. Pull them all in behind me." More words I didn't want to know and the numbers again? Those sevens and those reds? What's in a name? Everything. Back to that Namesake and son I go again.
It's me who trained my whole life for this. It's me that they trained inside my heart body mind and soul for this. I don't think they brought me back for this weather I'm Jesus Christ or Moses, The Original Sky Mother From from beyond, this rocks creation to lose this fight? Now I heard we were going on a rodeo ride well before I knew I was on a journey not of my own making, but one that was created eons ago. 

Hell Of A Night/DL
Then he said it, "he was here for his children to protect his children." I knew just what he was talking about. I too pace like a sentry all through the night. I wouldn't open their bedroom window in the summertime. I had Adam Ant at Alex's bedroom door. Anytime anyone walked by it "you'd hear hark who goes there? I couldn't bring myself to shut there bedroom doors or my own. I didn't care about a fire. I had little dogs that would trigger any alarm during the night. It was right when he said those words I saw the bull inside. That was the trigger to my heart right there. The words I needed to hear. This is my attraction to this man right here. Hot! Just let me feast on him already.

Basket Case/Greeday
He said I can't walk through the pain much longer on my own. I just want to go home to my wife. OH MY GOD. I know. How do I explain just how I know? I tried telling him that I asked one day Salmon Days 2015, Grandmother who are these two red heads IC standing above me? The answer your sisters another place from another time. I wanted to tell him, sisters have a love and hate relationship sometimes, but no one is going to make you get up and fight like your sisters and brothers. I wanted to tell him I've known for 3 yrs who he is to me inside. It not about blame. It was about fate. That It's to teach you something to get to the next step. Adversity to make you stronger for the next fight. Faith grows bigger, taller, stronger.

Paralyzer/Finger 11
Screaming at Freya after I was raped? Have Faith to go through any open door? One of my rules at the time was to only go through doors open to me. She was a great big cartoon worm. I stabbed her in the tail to the ground with my Trident, and I said stay there until I know what to do with you. I knew inside she got me in and she got me out. No spilled seed and he hit me in just the right spots. Hell I knew right away he knocked my axis back into alignment. Yeah this family doesn't do anything the easy way. I had been screaming up at God, Oh and where's your precious Prince Of Tides now, back at the Yule Tree Farm living the easy life, and I find this out? Can we just get to the Crow Chasing The Butterfly part and skip all the rest please?

Jar Of Hearts/CP
He kept going back to us? I said for once in my life I don't have the answer to that. How do I tell him I know where we end up I just don't know how to get there? It's the interim, and all that stands in between that scares me. All those storms? Two Day's and two night's a total eclipse of the sun. He wanted to know why I let him in the door if I'm still with Michael? My answer the Truth is more important.

On My Own/Three Days Grace
I could feel in his words that he's ready to pounce. He told me I want to hear you say it. Once again I got timing and Michael standing in my way. How do I explain, he's a vessel for my pain. God stuck me in a box to write this book of Truth. To break the news to me slowly step by step just who it is I am. V. said that Michail wears that tie die heart shirt every time I have a family gathering because he's here for love. Little did I know then that love is me and him. Not me and Michael.

If I Told You/DR (Could you love me anyway?)
I started my marriage with a Michael during mine and Greg's first dance together. That some how looking back God has given me a Michael to stand by me ever since. That I already begged God for Michael's life. Screaming no God that is not the agreement. The agreement was to let Michael go, not that any harm would come to him. When I screamed those words down on my hands and knee's pounding my right fist on the ground I didn't even know I had an agreement with this man. To feed him. To pick him up and feed him love until he can feed himself again. You think I don't know that no matter whom Michail is in all this it will never be good enough. He will always feel rejected and unloved. He can't feel love like the rest of humanity until this is over. They can't feel love until we feel love.  You think I don't know that Michails emotions in all this can bring on a storm? Our power is in our true emotions of the heart.

Fake It/Seether
Talk about feeling chained in purgatory. To love a man just as a friend, but not be in love with him? Stuck living with him, is purgatory and hell to me. No where I want to be, and I never want my children to be here either. Some one else holding the keys to the kingdom, determining my children's value, how they eat, how they hurt all to carry labels and lies is not freedom. It is slavery it is a lie and my children will not feed this matrix machine that humanity poisoned. You removed my first amendment right to speak. You labeled me, and I have more than met the terms of any contract I have signed. You have abused these labels with your marked up institutions with your labels. The abuse behind that H.I.P.P.A. is a disgrace. You rewrote the human race to turn us into droids to feed the Artificial Intelligence. What else is there to buy and sale off but what I have very little left of to feed my children? I do mean all of my children.  My constitution you poisoned my constitution inside and out. I have no civil liberties because of these labels.

Should've Been A Cowboy/TK
The day I saw a hippopotamus jump out of the water, that speed, that power in that heavy beast? I laughed. I can't wait for that to fall down on your heads for this mess you created on my rock. This is about that copper penny, and Lincoln. That 13th amendment. Freedom of all slavery once and for all. Not one piece here and there. Not one half of to feed your machine. You just came along and placed yourselves in the middle and you took it. You doled it back at a high price every step of the way. It was never for you to take in the first place. Now the way I see it. It ain't stealing if it never belonged to you in the first place. Weather you like it or not, I'm here to break all those chains that bind because our children will not live in a box, ever. My daughters are done doing the laundry, wiping your asses, carrying the load, working harder than any man and getting paid less. Taking the blame, being beaten and raped, sold into purgatory, sold into slavery under any circumstances. They will be free to come and go as they please, respectfully so. Equal ground we come from two or nothing. Like Oden said at the end of American Gods, you will get it back when you pray for it and not a moment before.

I Hope You Dance/LAW
He said, you know I'm quite the catch. Like I didn't know it already. I could clearly see me throwing a King Size Salmon back in the river. Then I clued in to Solomon and the Salmon. Then I get walked into Solomon's ring, given to him by the angels. Who wears a ring with Gods name on it. Their he stands. I told him the Truth that I keep getting slammed into scene's and what I have done to him up to this point.

Stairway TO Heaven/LZ
He is talking it all so personal. Not understanding what he ever did to make me so angry at him in the first place? I tried to explain, it's the timing and circumstances surrounding it. I asked him to read Daddy Issues, I forgot to give him the name of the blog. It was from that point forward after all this, that I discover my whole life was a set up. That they sold me out? Slavery? Getting me out of chains of slavery and I find out I did all this for a man? A man I did not want or ever ask for? My rants all along, it's always about the son isn't it? Your precious son? I tried to tell him some proof of life's I do not like. The higher they go sometimes the lower I go. All these labels adding up in between? No way Jose. I told him all I had figured out about him up to this point. "Then what Colleen? I want to hear you say it." He's just walking through the labels and I know its not sinking in. He just wants to step over it all and get to the next step. I can't until he accepts the responsibility of the Truth behind those labels. It's not a game. It's not a hurdle I can just step over and let go, because he does not believe me.

Please Remember Me/TM
I sit up at night and I start from the start with everything I did in those first few months. Trying to walk him along, step by step with me up to a point of this agreement I made. Trying to let it sink in. Trying to give him time to think about some of the rituals and the meanings? I mean my God he lived in the UK. He tells me Trondheim, Norway. The Viking Center. I remember thinking when I looked him up and saw the picture, he looks like a viking. The Celts, the druids, slavery? Come on Kyle does any of the sequence of any of this sink in? Then he's a Tao, a 69, the yin and yang in the beginning I knew nothing about. A water sign with a serpent that sits across his shoulders. I just laughed inside. Liking even more what it is I'm looking at. My Simple Man/LS I've always wanted.

You And Me/Lighthouse
Then the next night I go a little further in to the Truth I didn't want to tell him. The Truth and heaviness behind all these labels adding up. Feeling the fear as it grasps his heart. I'm sorry you are the father of those 7. Those Palaidies 7 and the bull is you. Its your ring of fire. I'm the atom, the sun and your the first Adam, the son. You are mother natures son. You are the father and I know you feel alone but you are the most watched son that roams this earth.

High Cotton/Alabama
You are never alone even though you feel alone. The hits you are taking is so our children won't ever have to. I was supposed to be the sacrifice not you. You were supposed to be done walking through the pain. I let you off the chains in my dream, I let you go. I'm sorry Kyle but I need you to understand these 12 are those twelve from the beginning and this is the end. This is why I said, I just wanted a normal life? Does any of what they have planned for us sound normal? 

I Cross My Heart/GS
I had to rip the band aid off. I couldn't let him step in front of me without knowing all the truth no matter how much it hurts. I knew no matter what it's the Truth that sets us free. I try to remember he is the other half, whom didn't ask for any of this either. The only difference between me and him is that I know the Truth of why I'm here, and why I'm going through this? Some days I hate Truth too. I hate the heavy labels and I have tried over and over to find a loop hole, but I can't give God back his bloody tear drop until this over. I can't step into something without the whole truth and nothing but the truth. So help me God.

She's Every Woman/GB
I will not base this on a lie even though once again I've been speaking the truth all along. Having Faith in others when they don't have faith in themselves is the hardest part of all. Then I remembered Oh my God his words? He thinks I'm rejecting him. He's not going to accept anything I have to say until I just say it. Say what? I didn't know what Armageddon was? I thought it was the Bruce Willis movie with the meteor hitting the earth? Then I figure out their is no way I can stop this. Then I figured out I don't want to stop this. It's either put the Truth out there, set it free. Let it go and let God. Knowing full well he's gonna shut the door. It's best he do it now rather than later.

Tell Me I Was Dreaming/TT
I just spit it out. My worst Truth ever to be said out loud as I take a deep breath and step over the line, I never wanted to step over. I feel like I'm about ready to trip on a land mine. "How do you tell a man whom lost his wife tragically that he has more than one soulmate in this life time? That we are the original two and that we haven't touched each other in over fifty years? I said to God isn't this kind of cliche' he delivers the food and I serve it. The crux of the storyline is our family has a reservation to take this rock back and I don't know when. My Grandfather used to give me hand signals when I was a child. They pretty much raised me. He'd do a it's going to be A OK Knot Head, A peace sign and a I Love You sign. I just figured out yesterday (after talking to him) that I am the Oracle for that family upstairs. Today I am the messenger but someday I will be the Assassin to set this rock straight." That if I don't do this our children and grandchildren have no future. That it's the end of the line. I'm just here to clean house. It will be A OK my first broom was a dirt devil, I got this. Just get our babies. Oh I wish I was dreaming for this one. Drift Away/Uncle Kracker. Oh I how I wish some moments of some days.

When You Say Nothing At All/KW
I told him the rest of it knowing he's going to shut the door. Okay here it goes, You think I'm rejecting you, I'm not IC what they see now? A couple of weeks ago I asked what do you see in this man that I do not see besides play time with my own beastie in that garden of Eden? (yeah I know I still got my pride. My river of denial is still a mile wide. Like he didn't have me hook line and sinker after that first conversation?) Their answer love. You are all heart. When you have that you don't need anything else.
 I Wish It would Rain Down/PC
Head Over Boots/JP
Your the one I want. Your the one I need. If I was a queen, you'd be my king. 
Better Man/LBT
Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic/TP
I want To Know What Love Is
One More Night/PC
How To Save A Life/The Fray
Livin' On Love/AJ
Closing Time/Semisonic
Young/Kenny Chesney
Cool Change/LRB