Abuse and slavery? Who really pays?

 Thunder/ID

Good song. Been awhile once again since I have written. I laughed the last day I tried to force myself to, March 31, 2022. It was blank. I just didn't even know where to begin anymore, at that time. Maybe my hands weren't functioning. Who knows anymore. Been taken back thru my whole GodDamned life someone is alway's making me pay. Just for walking away. Not alowwed to speak or defend. 

Lose Yourself/eminem

Want what I have. Then they just come in and take it. Take everything. When I said the second prayer from the heart after my first councelor, My verbage, not being disrespectful, at a loss for this controlling psycho behavior. Then the threats, for nothing, thinking they own me, they have a right to control me. They have the right to make me pay every step of the way. Then they punich take. Destroy your character, and credit.

My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark/FOB

Then I marry a man, yhe exact same behaviors and characteristics. Talk about highway robbery. Brothers, codes and doors. The Bleeding hearts blocking Rana's door. All those years, all that time, all those lies of once again, no logic. Being shown how I handed him a journal to write down his emotions after Quigley lost his leg, telling him it's important to purge your emotions. Being shown how not one time during any emergency. Family emergency, auto emergency, personal emergency, misscarriages, and almost miscarriages, pregnancies high risk and he didn't lift one finger to help me ever. He did not acknowledge any pain, migraines. Telling me I shouldn't give my children Tylenol during fever and teething at night. My Clue with this was after our divorce a medium told me, do not ask him for anything it gives him power. I didn't understand that then, knowing what I know now?

Ain't No Rest For The Wicked/CTE

Being walked thru Father past and literally every time he was expected to help me, he would just decide no. Literally tell me that. I have been walked thru every time I asked for anything in my marriage with him, I was told no. Being taken thru both of these mentally ill people, including Elaine, None capable of empathy or love. They have been in charge of my life. I have been threatened and black mailed just for sport by Zion and both just sucking the energy out of me with these unrealistic expectations and demands. Then U big brother no defense once so ever. The Grey's the Mayen Calendar Fall City 2012. Blanket justice and blame. First my great grandmother with 3 16 in red showing thru her purple atire from Vietbanm War error, purple book, purple cross in left hand, right hand in air. Now I understand. Then two different nights right after 2 tall greys pop in standing behind me. I didn't have to turn around or open my eyes. I said ICU, ICU standing there. My usual chant, in the name of Jesus Christ I rebuke you.

Centuries/Fall Out Boys

Then one to two nights later the second one showed up and I responded and reacted the same way. Only the second one threw a blanket on my head. The depression, the grey's. Twin towers, and Isreal/God Moses slavery for the Israelites. From what I can tell now slavery hasn't ever gone away. Not with all these prejudices, hate and restrictions. Talk about slavery and oppression. Learning from what I can see thru out history slavery has remained consistent in one form or another. Learning why my great grandma Bishop threw away her 7 little Bishops birth certificates, including hers and her husbands. Didn't want her children to be treated like dogs. The clue, the migraines and Lincoln standing in chains. Learning my prayer went from taking on my families burdens and stop this circle of abuse. My second prayer the word circle of abuse and slavery. I hate slavery.