Hail Mary

Brown Eyed Girl, Van Morrison

That's a good one God. I wasn't sure just how to get my rhythm today. I swear for the last couple of day's doesn't matters what Pandora I choose, which by the way which is all. Remember I don't pick nothing but a bunch of Jim Croce, Time In a Bottle and Somewhere Over the Rainbow, The Rose. Someday's I'm like shut the fuck up. Promises promises now let's bring it. No, as usual he's got more to show me. I still couldn't figure out "why did Greg do a character assassination on me"? I mean he already had me over a barrel. He already signed new contracts with Mary Stone. I knew all along the Truth.

I mean after Greg's dad said "oh no Greg didn't have any chores. Elaine didn't want him to have it like us. I mean really? I already figured out he couldn't balance a check book. He didn't understand about car insurance and the law. I mean there were two other houses I wanted, same price range. Smaller, yet a finished product. No another lie discovered. He stuck me in the biggest fixer upper from hell. I can't get a screen door because of the awning hangs to low. The master closet you can shut the doors, but only if you don't use hangars. To heat it, is three sections. From the day he went to work and I stayed home with Alex, I wasn't allowed to turn the heat on in the kitchen. Who isn't in the kitchen with a new born.

I ate, I ate, I ate. Still I burned fuel, my weight dropped fast and my breast milk wasn't coming back. I mean, Cream of What? Huge Turkey sandwiches, Whole packages of butter horn's, Schooned down the milk and juice. Took my vitamins. Now I know why? I ain't happy not one God Damn bit. I can't seem to focus on a whole TV show. I have come to accept my energy. I'm not stressed out like anxiety. Pissed off perhaps. Finally get into a spinal pain clinic after two years and no diagnosis. Tried giving me the usual pat prescriptions. I didn't want them. I wanted a diagnosis. I wanted answers to my questions and the best way I can heal my body as naturally as possible. They asked me about my mental health once again. Always the pain is in my mind not my spine.

He wanted to know if I was molested as a child. I explained how things happened around me, not to me. I was protected by my brother and sister. That I am 49 years old. Truth is it's none of his business. Every time you get a new doctor I have to start over and they will do anything to shut me down emotionally and not even look at my history. After all this I have a right to speak my mind and the history of all these suppressors and what they have done to my mental health. Like what does it do to someone that for twenty five years be told I'm making it up? Then told sorry there is nothing you can do about how they ignored you. Made you feel like it's your fault. All because this healthcare system has guidelines that you can't come back on them. They fucked with the wrong mothers tree of life. I will shut you down.

I know it didn't take one year for my spine to look that way. Not even eight. All those months of being laid up. At times not being able to feel certain spots in my spine. Now I am back to how I felt twenty five years ago. I have thawed once again. I can tell you point for point where it stems from, and where it zig's and zag's from there. I mean is it to much to keep moving? Keep me dancing? I mean I hear I gotta a dance coming up. Gotta keep my twinkle toes in shape. Keep me functioning so I don't have to depend on someone else to do my laundy? My spine is stronger, My flexibility is back. They won't discuss how I know this medication is a set up to shut mankind down spiritually. Because it drains your spine emotionally to shut down pain. It makes you feel like lead. It takes months to even be able to function or stay awake. Even if pain comes from you neurologically, your muscles with my disease and disc are still shifting and moving.

Until I can get a adjustment to get them popped back in I'm fucked. Go to the hospital, you can have your shoulder popped back in but not two rib's or a disc. You can't see pain, so its all in your head. Truth is you can't see pain. You can only see what you think might hurt, visually. You are applying the wrong pills to the wrong pain. You are no longer welcome to choose my addiction, my poison or how I hurt. I am taking my spine back. I'm a big girl and it is you who fucked me up this healthcare and this food you poisoned. my spine, heart and telling me its all in my mind will never happen again. It is inhumane and we ore organic beings and you as the system and mankind's government will serve mankind.

After the word Atom, I heard the word neutron than Ion. So I looked it up. Synopsis from the spine to the brain. Nope this system is gonna hate me. Looking at how I'm climbing this planet out of hell about my own self worth in Dante's Inferno. Being told to sit on a red rock and stay. Being told, go little potty Colleen. Go big potty Colleen. Oh that's a big girl. Not happy.

A Cherokee guy I know that came from Canada when this started for me. Literally his testicles exposed no skin. Tell him he no longer hurts. He wasn't addicted to his pain pills. So they put him on Lyrica and two months later he was not a functioning human being. He told me he keeps telling the counselor yes he's depressed now he can't function. Oh yeah he doesn't have Fibromyalgia. This is such a hot story and the timing impeccable. The location and the documentary I watched on those native tribes stranded and enslaved to the system. Treated like trash, like your less than. I now know why after I burned down a cabin, I walked to a open field facing South and met a Shaman man. I have no idea the face or words said. Got back across the border on a semi.

I am sick of scrolling through reality TV which is all a lie to keep you thinking these people are happy and normal. Look at all the fun they are having. Hey I want all my homeless on the streets so they can get a reality check. I want to put you in a rate maze the size of King County, label you mentally crazy for being a Shaman, well Lady Druid. Three bus tickets for one week. Be gone all day at appointments and libraries. Then I'm gonna say hey, go find your food. Find a bathroom somewhere near these bus lines. Or anywhere else for that fact. So yeah I'm going to give you a reality check. I want you to be allergic to your food, I want to give you $187 a month and send you to the most expensive section of any store, carry it on your back all day too. Right along with all you have left in your life. I want you to have to eat the same cold food everyday. I want you to be grateful. I want to send you to every appointment and keep you running in rat maze where none of this bullshit ends up anywhere but more bullshit and red tape. Then you can tell these people that at any given moment at any given time to eat or get anywhere the only thing you have to barter is what you can carry and make that $187 last.

She's Always a Woman

Then it get's even better, falling asleep to another documentary. Something like Easter Remembered. Anyways Mary Magdelane episode four and just guess the name of the Catholic Priest who went after her character. He planted the seed that Mary M. or Mary May was a prostitute. Character assassination from the start and look they made this cock sucker a saint. What did I say, Ain't no Legend a Saint. Then I thought of the movie Stigmata. Yeah BTW. you created the Stigmata. With your own lies being spread about my family and now thank you I have to clean up these two assholes battle once again. Oh not just the beast, and Jesus Christ the Son. Now I have one of the oldest demons back sitting on my X's head. Yes Cain your mother told me when you were a child how you got a fever and started screaming that there is a black shadow. Then perhaps just the words speak for themselves. No Jesus Christ did not put the demon in the pig. If so it died. We continued it. The Factious egotistical behavior we serve each other because of that entity behind the system. Well truly you aren't, these corporation working together behind the scenes are. Big business in guilt and shame.
How Do I live
Allot of power planting a seed of a lie and grow it.So yeah Pope Greg is the name of Greg's demon. He is not going to like me.That explains the character assassination. He made it sound like between these surgeries and my migraines that I was just this drugged out drunk woman. There was no yelling, there was no behavior aside from me hurting and being tired. Perhaps having my life stolen, take the blame because he got himself in another bind behind my back. In that episode of the hieroglyphics the eagle and the monkey. OMG. Plus the Atom bomb going off to jump mankind forward.

Support Your Local Emperor, Blues Traveler

That was swell. Thanks you dumbshits. Lets just spread more poison and blow up my planet and feed these other entities our energy, value, our mineral's, vitamins and sun. Let's let these succubus suck the energy out of mankind some more. Let's go live elsewhere with aliens. Your worried angels here on this rock want your wives for their hair? Really. let them be free, let there hair down. You love God you honor God you put your faith in him to teach from the kingdom of Truth with no ego. That is Faith in yourself and not society. Go ahead spend six hundred dollars and live in virtual reality still. Yet then after toss it in my land fill. Don't worry your parents will clean it up. No you want to be big boys and girls. Free and in charge, then act like it. Behave honorably. Behave humanely by honoring other's. Be respectful not judgmental. Leave your fucking ego at your own door before you leave. Don't you step outside with your ego. You rape anyone, you rape my planet and my animals. My gardens fruit and flowers.

So yeah, when I let it go for my girls and decided to start over, I couldn't go anywhere. He cleaned me out and he planted the seed of lies. I couldn't see what was wrong. At first I thought it was a self esteem issue. So I had lots of discussions. It didn't matter what I tried or the agreement. He did not follow through one time. It was me left to take on his responsibility of any load. Then told all along the way how I could make it cheaper and better. I'm talking a can of paint people. Anything I cooked he wanted Asian food not american. I would have everything done by the time he got home just so I wouldn't have to hear him one more time come up and nit pick me about the smallest thing. Like my children being in the kitchen playing the cupboards while I cook. Oh how messy.

Then taking stock before took the pills to see how they made me feel four months later, I realized what I was looking at inside Greg was ego and entitlement. No Greg never possessed me, but he sure wore me out. The second time I got drunk with Greg was like three years after we met and it was in California and I met up with Gwen and Kenny, my childhood friend. Came to visit, and we tied one at the Alcatraz restaurant and bar of all places. This is only the second time Greg was my designated driver. That's why he was mad. He had to drive. I had no arguing difficult behavior. No attitude, I was trying to loosen up and have fun with a childhood friend and he couldn't even let me do that.

Greg never came home with me passed out on the couch. Sometimes me and Greg would have wine with dinner, and well I made dinner and Greg usually didn't come home until late for awhile. I couldn't get a adjustment from him at the office any longer. Mary Stone just stole it. Well he signed to over. I even told him after our divorce that your accountant added $1500 hundred back in. He told me I was lying. Then he gets dinged for thirty three thousand dollars. He told me it was all my fault. Once again. How is this my fault. The two years I had that business. You would not look at book, however you were sure bouncing me every six months to different accountants. Thousands of dollars you cost me. All because you wouldn't let me learn for free by someone else. Even if I did you wouldn't give me any time to even get to my own job. Something always came up and it was me my work my home my children and my time that suffered. Looking back every relationship I had you were standing in the background. Somehow your name and a truthful conversation would come up. Right along with an apology. 'I'm sorry I had no idea." To late damage has been done and all because I was not allowed to speak the Truth and no one would even bother to give me the benefit of the doubt, like I did them.

Now you all think you control this weather and this rock. You all who poison it with the black hearts at the top poisoning humanity. The Kran called it. Hey we all had a part to play taking out this monopoly once and for all.

I want all there money in all there bank accounts to go back into the system where it should fo been in the first place. It will re-fertilize and regrow my gardens everywhere. I want working toilets and water everywhere. I want my boys out of those clubs, my lost boys I want you to go home. My motorcycles with wings on your back, yeah let's turn that old behavior around. Let's show them it's okay to fly on a highway and still be God's warrior. I want those white sheets off and I want my skin heads back. Yeah you egg heads, it's time to spread the rainbow. Lets get rid of this racism. I don't care who you love. I just want you to love. I'm not saying go rape or spread the love sexually, I'm saying as God's children we put faith in him, and his family values not what someone else thought.


I want all my fallen angels to step out into the light across every land. God doesn''t have a ge limit. God has no creed. You don't need to worship him. He wants you to honor life, and love life, create travel with a back pack and feel safe once again. We can learn from the differences. I mean any futuristic movie has no justice, no food, no joy. This system is the problem not humanity.

Remember when you strike my lil dog for that special K. It is your mother and father that you take out. Don't give this system power. Even these drug dealers they created them and well we all had our part. One thing I learned from God, he gets to the heart of the matter. He don't fuck around. Take it out straight from the top and well give society and humanity back all that was stolen. Gove them the Truth. Man Up and well once again. Hey Catholic's. Yeah I know my grandma catholic Catherine Anne Fairy side of my family, but I love saying it. Hey Catholic's, you'r mama's back, or you can call me mummy, or even a what? Hail Mary!