Just that word lately has been sinking in more and more. Then the question stomach infection when I had this in spring 2016, my hands, then arms particularly the left summer 2016 and by then the energy drain and weakness is full on. Then speaking to doctor on phone with questions and answers, then I look it up and it was the progression and different stages. I have said after 2 week's of being to dizzy to do anything let alone walk and be able to stay upright.
Back to balance it was this stage and this stage hadn't happened before. I wasn't dizzy, I could lift my body off couch. I didn't have shaky legs I could walk but the different part is I still had to hold onto the wall's to stay upright. If I let go I'd fall straight over, my leg muscles and ankles aren't giving out. Just a dead fall. Like fainting or passing out from standing position, dead fall. It was like I was completly off balance, that is why I said in the past like my equlibrium is off.
Greg's birth sign is a Libra balance and Justice. We have no balance in anything. We haves no Truth in any house. We are enslaved, just with the fallen angel being on our rock, he knows I'm here. He/she knows what's coming up. All this chaos IC going on around me.
Thinking about what I have said in the past be careful what U ask for, especially a prayer of compassion and love. These guys don't do anything gentle. Look what they chose for me, free standing. weakness and paralysis, what order and when? Turn's out nothing and anything trigger's these symptom's. The allergy symptoms' to gabapentin that were exactly the same symptom's of this illness, CIDC symptom's. The allergy to that stop smoking drug, 2 times no reaction on this drug. Then the 3rd time beginning anew the same symptom's of what I know is progressive CIDC, weakening of the muscles.
This comes on not doing a God Damned thing when it want's to. 10 times sent to physical therapy, all the doctor's that wouldn't let me speak. Refuse to treat even. It's physical therapy that blew me up on left side. I'm thinking hip's. hip socket's, sciatica, the preformist muscle, I knew I was slowly getting worse and my muscles are getting weaker. How long to get this diagnosis? All the finger pointing, my oldest saying I must be doing my PT wrong or I'm not in the right form. U R all so brain washed.
All the while fighting to stay strong, to try and get back to strong over and over all these stages and symptom's. There was nothing I could do about this all along. I don't get in2 this dr. until end of August. I really can't risk holding off getting weaker while getting treatment twice a weak for one year and something about heavy steroids.
I want to feel good and no weird symptoms of any kind would be nice. Well after this stomach infection that I had for I'd say a little over a year, then I'm getting weaker all along. Thinking about the heart pain in my chest? Realizing once again the heart is a muscle.
I can't at time's get 1.5 feet with out falling over, I collapsed onto a chair 3 feet away, trying to stay on the edge and finish lifting my body up. Weakness and stamina, my heart. All these different reason to do a dead fall from weakness, imbalance, paralysis, fainting, I just fall and not for just one reason and I have had no control over. All the while just trying to get stronger.
My dream's of The Fall, Standing in a crowd of people I do a dead fall face down. I can't lift my body up. Either no one see's me falling or they think I deserve this. I don't care. My teeth shattering out of my head. Over and over I had this dream. Look now what they gave me, an illness that is maybe curable, I keep falling with this for any number of reason's, no I can't lift myself up my muscles are either to weak, or paralysis.
I had to explain to Michael that when I stand my whole body shakes and trembles. I can't stand on my own, I can't lift myself up on anything. I explained how much it hurt's my whole body, when I'm this weak. The next day he goes to work, and get's me a bucket instead. I watch my caregiver walk out for the next average 13 plus hour's wondering how am I going to function today? He's now threatening to put me in a home. He tells me not to get up or do anything for myself. He will do it. Then he get's angry, hearing I have to pee. How often he's had to clean me up? Waking him at night to take me to the bathroom and he get's pissed. Get me my med's. Another damned of I do and damned if I don't in this life.
I knew one thing however I'm not getting better. He never knows what he's coming home 2. What did I fall on and break including a sprained hand, A stabbed index finger, gabapentin and the whole body weakness and tremors. I hit a nerve. Another 6 week's. The hairline fracture on my top of shoulder bone, which happens to be above where I sprained my hand still healing and it retriggered my whole left side hand shoulder and arm. Thinking it's a bruise. Then 2 hairline fractures on my 2 phalanges on top of foot toward ankles. Well let's just say the Mortens Neuroma in both feet are also flared.
They, upstairs literally took this fall thing to a whole new level.
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