Boundaries

God damnit, it has just been hell, especially this last few years. All I have been thru and not in any condition to write or blog. Either my hand's don't work, or dizziness. Realizing all along I have been learning even more in my life, particularly the pattern's of my mother and Greg. Elaine well I knew all along of her judgement and lies. Another person to ruin my day. Getting shown how every time it is my day I've had these 3 even others in my life like Gwen, manipulation and control. Another person in my life creating trouble because they didn't get their way with me. Someone else whose gonna make me pay because they didn't get their way. 

Being shown when I first started taking the blame. Age 6 my grandmother. Catherine the Irish one. Being shown when I first spoke about it to Marlena my councilor. I was also clueing in at that time energy. That I associated love with energy. The cherries and the blue bowl. The cherries represented energy. It might of been Alex but on this journey the cherries came back around. I worked with them one morning. The blue bowl came back around at the second house I slept in on my first four homeless night's. I had written the promised land. I had been told by these 2 sisters to watch out for King County. I thot they were talking police, but I learned the hard way their point King County and that HIPPA form. Just another pause moment in life.

Going over my four agreements and understanding each day the hard way about slavery and civil liberties. This blanket legal system, insurance, pharmaceuticals, that schizophrenic label and when it first came up or so I thot going back over stuff, connecting more dots and having so much more to write. Going over when and where I noticed a pattern in how my body and I have reacted in certain ways. When and where I was standing? My first three times over doing a screeching inhale inside me and even outside me. Each time putting my hand on my heart.

Then it switched in another way the 3 times to the Zoro zoot zoot zoot. Very interesting when this happened. Going back over 2012 my great Cherokee grandmother showing up in my room. 3;16 in red showing thru her. I knew I recognized her but I couldn't place her. Then the 2 grey's showed up and how it was my 3rd eye that opened, I didn't have to turn around. It wasn't until this journey that I got answer's. Not yet putting together that I started seeing them in the fifth and 6th grade. Not learning until the history channel that they are the grey's. To me they were still demon's, but in 7th grade we moved again and I kept writing the strange beings off as my childhood imagination because I had watched a horror show actually 2, but at this time it was the Sentinel. The other was the entity and well not only has that movie come back around. Learning that their really is an ardor and it's not what people think.

The 3 book's I threw in my life and why. Going back over my number's, my dream's when I first discovered on this journey and how long until thing's really sunk in. Going back over the bride when she first came up and she kept coming up. Learning who the man in the navy blue t-shirt from my dream's whom I only saw the back of not knowing until he showed himself that he was a part of this. When I first saw a man carrying a cross, hearing the word Sanskrit, seeing Jesus Christ with a sun ring around his head but still not processing that this had anything to do with Jesus Christ or God and my belief's in my life. How I came to the conclusion that I don't need a box of wood and stone to have a relationship with God. I don't need a religion of their own rituals and rules. Learning how people use God as a good excuse for their bad behavior. Taking their own righteousness now thinking they are the judge now. They did not put their Faith in God instead doling out your own judgement and justice on another. Including limiting someone else's faith. Another way of slavery and oppression. Another bully in life. 

All the times JC has stood in my presence after he showed himself at the end of September 2016. My reaction's, my argument's with him at first. Me being the one fighting and arguing, him showing up later in a variety of different clothing. The navy blue t shirt, how he stands quite a bit casually with his arm's crossed. Then it was when I was put in 2 vision's with him at first standing at the foot of my bed with that white sash wrapped around his groin area, at first thorn's on his head and blood running down his face, I went to touch him and discovering what I was wearing both time's also, my reaction.

The white robes he'd wear, the conversation's at the time. Seeing a huge palm behind me and a white horse bowing in front of him. Being shown the red t shirt that I was usually in and taken back to other dream's and vision's over my lifetime. What I was doing, seeing and wearing. Putting together the time's I wasn't asleep but had vision's. I'd forget because anything that happened was done sequentially and very far apart, even by year's. Even in Fall City with my great grandmother and the grey's I'd literally fall right back to sleep unlike my childhood. Going back thru my 7's, 10's and 12's, The discoveries on this journey. Fall City, the Rose the name of the park in Fall City. Quigley Park, I was also working with an Ariel, red hair. They weren't kidding when they said I'm done serving the food. When my body started not working at what stages and the timeline. Still today people assume Alcohol I wasn't drinking. Hadn't drank in years. 

It was a policeman who'd come in on the graveyard shift. He was a single father so I had heard along with the number 7 and hearing he is standing at the door. He's hear for the son. Hearing around another policeman He's playing on the wrong team. The twin's when my 7's kept coming up but I kept hearing twins. Including finding out Darren is my twin. The other joker and fool born in this family. How twin's kept coming back around. His son's name Aron and finding out after the history channel that Moses brother's name was Aron and the name of the mountain that he was working at. Hearing the burning bush, our past President's the Bush name along with the brother Jeb and how he said their is no heart in that house.

It was the second house I slept in and his name was Mason then it turned into the Masonry and then the free mason's. Michael's great grandfather was a Freemason and he changed the family name then from a really old religious name. Yeah, God has so much word play in his codes. Well it was the book of angel's that I used as a guide. The legion. God's protector's and first family. I kept hearing Ariel, house home animal's. The black and white dog's we got while in California, Greg's birth sign and learning their was no balance at all in our relationship. How can their be when someone is so good at lying and blaming, he didn't know how to do the most basic thing's. The conversation with Steve in Phoenix, over hearing Elaine blame me for splitting from Wes and Molly as friend's how it was both of our decision. Who tells a mother whom was very aware of the stages her children were going through and why because of the book's she had read and the day care licensing class taught her so much.

She was a positive parent. Not a no parent, not creating drama or discipline when they are to young to even process it. She was very patient and not a screamer or yeller. Saving her no's for when it is important. Alex only did thing's one time but she didn't get the attention she was trying to get. Instead around the beginning of opening this office, all that she went thru getting it open all because of a secret and a lie that Greg kept for 4 month's, being shown how she was then made responsible from that moment on for having to meet these people with Greg's boss. How Greg still was not acknowledging or even cleaning up any part of the mess. Him losing his income over the next few months, without her having to pull something out of the magic hat once again.

All the time's that Greg said U have to do your being assigned more responsibility. Being shown the time's he had me back in that office to physically do my part. My father's funeral. She get's a phone call that she has to not only get this off the ground but doing all the leg work up until then getting it open. Being abandoned in the biggest fixer upper and being made responsible literally for every thing now. He wasn't going to allow her to hire someone and he wasn't going to help her.

Being shown when I first opened that office I was still working on the wall in the living room, and having our third heating system put in. Forced air. When she first had to put both kid's in the Montessori she was the one going in the office alone scheduling billing errands marketing and cleaning. I at this time had four set's of keys gone. I had to have the fire department come and break me into my own office three times bcuz for no reason he kept taking them off the key rack.

When they said sabotage you have no idea, just how it was always something with him. Always. You have no idea how I was now fighting just for the basics, including dental and healthcare for my kid's. He didn't want to pay. Being shown just how dysfunctional that house and especially that kitchen everything was. Everything was done the hard way. How long I had a refrigerator that was small and I had to thaw it by hand every month. The freezer we got for like 50 bucks and it was her who had to rinse and wash lift and drop this freezer all after she almost miscarried Alex and he not only didn't acknowledge he made everything harder. 

Being shown how he wouldn't acknowledge that she needed to hire help and he'd fuck up any help she tried to get in order to keep up, all while this guy is having to get out of town. His party and all this travel was supposed to end, but it got worse after buying this house bcuz he had no logic or knowledge of the seasonal and daily  work that goes into this fixer upper. 

Being shown all the time's that Greg left me to resolve any drama that came up bcuz he didn't even know how to communicate and problem solve. How he kept putting me on timelines. Like not going back to work right after Alex? Why pay a daycare to raise my daughter? Babies can cause a parent to miss work, and who was made responsible for even this. Being shown how when someone complimented me and or my work he'd wave his hand and say that's nothing. Being shown how often he pawned her off to another Chiropractor and just when he'd do this? How I paid another Chiropractor while pregnant with Kiley and after bcuz she was last if at all on his list of priorities. 

Being shown how much these 3 people made her pay and guilted her if they couldn't have complete control. How they'd punish her. The relationships they destroyed in my life then being shown you big brother your abuse of power. Your blanket laws and diagnosis being put in our school system. If the system doesn't allow it U have no voice. No right to speak or defend yourself. I never needed anyone to step into my life and try and control me or the life I'd built with my girls. Being shown that first mistreatment center and the manager letting him in when she and her 2 councilors said no. The conversation and threat's I got from this woman? Again someone else making decisions in my life that wasn't theirs to make. I always learned one thing in my life by experiencing and watching other's like with my mother, someone I knew I never wanted to be like. Who took the right and responsible action to not repeat history. How much these people and others have stolen, blamed and lied about. 

I still have a lot to say bcuz I get reminded for example another number I forgot about. Another name or color for example. Emotion's, not being allowed to have emotions, normal emotion's in my lifetime, when other's can have passive aggressive behavior, threaten and bully me, being attacked and or threatened in my relationships. Not allowed to speak or defend anywhere in my life. I don't think so. Not even in a Justice system that really is nothing but blind justice. No justice just a justified system. No freedom, slavery don't care nothing about the color of your skin. I have learned that slavery comes in all different forms. I had to experience all abuse, bcuz of the prayers from my heart over time.

It was a pause moment from my past. Not the prayer but how I have experienced every kind of abuse that their was up to that point or they would never of gotten the prayer's from the heart. They would of never gotten Justice or what true freedom is without me living through all the slavery and injustice. Don't ever tell me how to speak think or feel. Don't ever tell me what to be thankful for. Yes regardless of how I got here I still have every right to be angry about my life being a set up. My life and children being stolen. Remember on this journey and the one U will go thru walking through heaven. The journey of Truth, not blame. They not just one guide but many. They are witty. They make U laugh, they make U cry, they pacify then yank your chain showing you more injustice to piss you off. You purge your emotions naturally. They don't last like meeting JJ for the first time. Gwen's grandparent's, Having God show himself. Being told what to call my actual Father who has popped up a few times in my dreams and on this journey. Walking by a church and being told I'm to call him Father. The emotion's last like five minutes then you move forward. 

Why I called this boundaries? How hard and what I went through trying to set boundaries with people that have no boundaries. I see this a lot in society today. People have their own rules but no boundaries, no respect. Whom had the worst reaction? My mother age of 18 getting physically attacked for my mother's lack of boundaries. Take your Political Correctness and shove it up your ass.