Bard

What's in a name? WTF is in a name? You mother fucker I'm going to break every God Damn Mother Fucking bone in your body when I get my hands on you. I wondered I wondered why every time you walked through the door I'd get angrier and angrier at you and now I know why? From the first time we spoke, what a fucking nightmare I saw. One hot fucking mess is right. Lets just say conversations with me and daddy aren't going so well today. It started to Dawn on me just how every time I get angry or feel rage I get pulled into another dimension. I always knew that if their is a God he'd better be able to take on my rage. I mean who knows you better than your daddy right? I was feeling tethered, leashed up to that family upstairs. Like a invisible leash holding onto me. Let's just say when it finally Dawned on me this is about God and I'm his God Damned daughter you bet your sweet ass I'm pissed off. Fucking asshole wants me to take out all my anger and rage out on him and not his precious son? Fuck him!

Everyday on this journey I found out something new. Just what has dawned on me, what I carried and why is for a fucking human being. Lets say I'm not happy. Not one God Damned minute. Other things started to Dawn on me? Quality of life between us two not even close. Can't hold a candle to this. For about a minute when I realized this was about God, I admit, I sighed. I thought to myself, "Oh brother! Not these two again." I don't even think that was a full minute because other things have started to sink in. You know things from a different perspective? My thoughts went through just how my feelings have changed. Hot mess but compassion. I have had compassion from day one. I mean who the fuck wouldn't that first conversation alone was heart breaking. The loss and still have to hold it together for those girls emotionally? When your broken inside is horrifying and I hate you to this day.

When he told me how he got the money to help him I wasn't so angry. I mean what a God send is right. No one, I felt no one needed it more than him just like others who weren't that fortunate. Along this journey I discovered another nickname of mine, Big C and I knew took it twice not only for each mother upstairs but for me. Just the realization to me is horrifying. So many realizations have been horrifying. I went from going for God's throat and discovering God has facial hair. I'm still not sure if I can transport myself there or if he is pulling me in, with each discovery in the last few days angrier and angrier. What no one knows is that I don't watch fantasy shows. I don't really get them or at least I didn't. This last summer when I finally got access to a computer for any amount of time, I fell asleep. Any show I put in or watched I was out like a light. I have discovered that when I sleep, I do it to sleep the pain away. By the time I got anytime in a bed with any or minimal pain relief, my first choice has always been to sleep like my mother. When your muscles thaw out it hurts. To have my spine again to heal and reshape itself hurts.

Carrying a backpack for two hours just to get to work. The discoveries I have made with my spine and it shifting and moving hurts like hell. Part of this journey and my spine I discovered is the system. Doctors all these years telling me I don't hurt. According to this chart I don't hurt. To go home for answers and discovering I'm mother natures daughter. Like that isn't enough? I won't look at the news or the newspaper but the last time I saw a heading, the war and storms. I had to walk away because I knew inside their is nothing I can do. To realize I have basically been placed in Salem's Lot, all these children and drug dealers circling around. Already I know the truth behind this and that no matter what happens, no matter what I say, it somehow has the opposite affect on the not so healthy people around me. In turn being the shit magnet on this planet means more hits.

When I sat on the phone for two hours just to get my address changed on my insurance, Four fucking phone calls. Starting all over on each system on the phone, sitting on hold each time. Not only do you give name and last four digits of your soc. They want everything and if you get one thing wrong you have to start over. Still no knew local doctor's or dentist information and I only got one address change in all this. I have discovered this last month alone just what all these affiliates and doctors offices represent. I signed up for UW finally happy that I can have all my information in one place. I signed up because they are all over the place. One font of information right? Only to find out that when I was just trying to get treated for a sinus infection, I had to start over, because UW has different affiliates and the computers software is different. Getting to these offices they couldn't even tell me the closest location of a affiliates doctor's office near me. Sent me down the road. Nope not this one either. All these affiliates is a systems poor excuse not to take any responsibility for human beings to get the most basic care today.

Even from that emergency room that has misdiagnosed me for twenty years and told me I didn't hurt including the x-rays. For me to find out that not only in this medical care but in these corporations that feed us, and encourage us to buy and sell all these goods at the club price only, you bet I'm pissed. Not only in my divorce when I went to rehab at only minimal diagnosis and use, I discovered about financial abuse, food abuse and just what abuse was in my marriage? For my lawyer to tell me that this state doesn't acknowledge it does not mean it does not exist. That is our problem. Just because a corporation tells you where and how you can return a product in order to maybe get part of your money back, is wrong. We could return anything to the place we purchased it and the business owner was responsible but now the system in any corporation today, our justice system, our healthcare and our corporations are all making rules, parameters and guidelines. Make it impossible to even get a human being to return something. All so you give up and go away. This system tells us how we feel and hurt. Whats the cure more pills to suppress us emotionally or put us to sleep. How our children learn, how to take care of our children and how to spend time with them.

What food we feed our children, making the cheap food poison and putting a high price on the stuff that isn't is wrong. This is our medicine and food. All contracts we sign with any corporation tells us at the end we have no contract, that they can change it and take over anytime they want, but we have to accept the limitations on the services, is horrifying that it got this bad, but to bind my hands only to find out that yet again my doctor sends me somewhere to get help and again their is a misunderstanding. A new barrier a new rule. I have seen this happen over and over throughout the years with doctors who have tried to work with me only the rules change again and I am always so close.

She sent me to a pain clinic that is already to far away but due to the affiliate issue it is my only choice. To discover it is for cortisone shots and she wanted me to have a place to go when the pain gets to bad which is for now about every three to four months. Truth is more than that but I take minimal pain and between the sinus infections and different disc in my spine actually moving and shifting that I am healing. It may be ten disc, I don't have arthritis and I'm not locked up after the chiropractor. It opens the blood flow to my tissue arteries and nerve endings. I treat my pain slowly as it comes on and I try to sleep it off. I don't want to build a tolerance but for over a month not much relief and the pain keeps moving. You bet your ass being in pain day after day drives you crazy and makes you tired irritable and short fused. Sometimes three imitrex alone that I only get nine. To make me numb so that I can't feel a disc moving or know it is locked up that it needs blood flow could do more damage than good.

I have the right to stir ground turnkey breast without my hands giving out all because I'm out of alignment is bullshit. To keep me bed ridden or not feeling anything could be so damaging. I said to the nurse what are you going to do, give me ten cortisone shots so I don't feel my spine? Then she realized their was a mix up yet again just what kind of pain clinic they are? Just my luck. Paper work has to be re-done for me to get a different kind of consultation, which is they tell her the med's I need for what I have and she writes them, less responsibility that way I guess. Right system keep tying people up you mother fuckers.

During my last appointment my doctor told me the new news, which was they shut down another pain clinic because eight people died out of 800. Now I don't know all the details and I'm sure when I find out it will be jaded with lies. Of course this clinic is going to have a high fatality rate. These people are in pain and they have diseases and ailments. They have been sick a long time and it is not always the doctors fault but at times its the patients for not telling the truth or even be able to tell the truth. So now we have 800 people in the PNW without help for the pain and lets not forget they already took away the medical marijuana clinics. So yeah I'm going rogue on my med's. I'm done, What I have discovered is these people who sell their pain med's ebt card or not they are backed in the corner and fed up themselves. The man who pulled up in a beat up car to sale his mothers pain med's, which he cares for did it to feed his own family during these trying times. Are you fucking kidding me. Never enough, always just under the line.

This system made me and I am done. These dealers are our medicine men because of a system that put them there in the first place. I am done and I don't give a fuck anymore. Especially when I remembered the word druid and that I didn't know what it meant in the beginning, had to look it up and print up information on what a celtic and seer was, I admit I didn't get it. When I woke up and watched a part of the sorceress stone and I realized that a druids job first and foremost was this planet, it still didn't sink in, until lately I have been able to stay awake and my mind started connecting to everything I was saying and going through all this first family shit and my family was here first? Then I got on line to look up a druid and what the role was and who they are each step of the way, yes it explained allot, but horrifying. Druids going into a deep sleep. They were here before the vikings even. I had already picked up that yes the primates were hear first the one the system blamed for aids.

I can't remember the other two sorcereess women were but the one who switched to chrisitiananity was a downfall. Yes she wanted to learn about the father but in religion the women they assume were not true or top sorceres. It was here that yes as well as me pointing to saying the north, the south the east and west to infinity and beyond are mine. To find out that rape was about being angry at your two mothers wasn't enough. To find out why it happened in that time and place, you know the three doors. Heaven's gate's, hell's gate's and the portal or this big ant that is the reason we have been enslaved all the way back through egypt first the gold, then throughout time the slaves changes along with the resoureces. From what I could see every country has been slaves to these ant's for centuries. Slaves just for cotton. Native slaves and look who the ones poisoned on the tribes are? Irony again. Evry land trhough every nation trhough our time has been enslaved and meant to pay for mother natures resources. No drinking fountains in the water parks even. Can't get water unless you pay for the cup or bottle. Produces more garbage and as humans we produce garbage no matter who we are, but funny thing I noticed no garbage can's or butt cans for the litter.

The locks on the bathroom doors to corporations that our taxes pay for to use a bathroom or making it mandatory for a human being to be in one location in order to eat and put a lock on the batrhoom door is obsurd. Don't you see they are eroding away human nature and human behavior and replacing us with machines. They are poisoning peoples hearts minds and bodies, creating the disease, the cure and the insurance to pay for the creation of their own making. At least when we had a mafia, I may not of cared for how tehy got their money and well that shit ain't going to happen again but the community and public had service.

YOu want to have a conversation with God you go right on ahead. You bet he's yanking my chain right now. Pissing me off hurting me in the discoveries alone to piss me off all to teach me to speak, you bet I'm pissed off. When I saw what those two young women in that show each reperesented and that I am all that wrapped up into one, you bet I'm pissed off. To discover what these physical demons looked like way back when coming for my children, you bet I'm pissed off. To have all these religious zealout come at me when I am the connection to this planet and God, you bet I'm pissed off. I feel like mighty mouse with a circle of guns around me all pointed at my head.

To discover that just over the centuries how they have made chiropractic look so bad. Who doesn't pop a bone to re-adjust. Even in a massage a disc can move, so that's okay, but not for a chiropractor to rack me and crack me in one big bang isn't okay. To open the blood flow to my tissue and nerve endings you bet I'm pissed off. To only want me to get one area of my body streched, when in reality when you hurt and dohn't keep moving, your muscles atrify up front and pull your choulders down, even in the groin area it needs to be stretched. So for a fucking system to poison me with all these band aids and anti inflamatories until my stomach lining is on fire and I'm throwing up stomach acid only to give me another fucking pill and side effect is shit. This fucking tramadol is like a fucking band aid. All these years screaming when michael works on my knots, to find out I am a vessel, not only a vessel for that family upstairs but the druids too. Like that shit didn't look like it hurt when whatever God kept showing up to bring him back.

Yes I found out I'm somekind of druid female deity too. Too find out again just how deep that Bard name goes, you bet your fucking ass I'm pissed off, When I looked it up this summer after finally trying to see why I keep getting brought back to you you mither fucker. This summer it was music, then when I discovered that Bard meant mountain and hills, that I'd been writting and pointing to that mountain with the man with the beard my hills, my valleys, my mountain. You bet I'm pissed off, to find out they set me up, they made me put it out there in words, in song and dance. YOu bet I'm pissed off. Then to look up druid and finding out their is a "order of bards?" Are you fucking kidding me?

To read wsomething about the irish and the wales, you bet I'm pissed off. To find out that christianity turned druids into witches and evil little down under evil tribe and just the people who are going to come at me for that lie alone/