Dejavu Shot Straight From The Heart To Hell

Rock Star by Nickel back, yeah I could use half a pint right now. The Closer You Get The Further I Fall, is right. That one was the biggest shot straight to the heart, the Truth of who my black shadow is kicking me in my dreams? Just why I never saw My X in any of my dreams? He was the faceless invisible man in all my nightmares, I can't see kicking me in the ribs, when I was down on my hands and knees. I was in a stall barn that night locked in and I can't see what, or who is kicking me in the dark? Who's throwing me around? It was another flock of sheep, and this one was a close call.

It finally dawned on me as I first stepped inside my X's office, (in a public place in broad daylight) I saw the watch dog at the door. Then we all seemed to move in slow motion, Greg went right and I took two steps, turned left, trying to get to my daughter, to test my theory on that black shadow. Sure enough there he is standing right there, my biggest black shadow is my X, and the numbers of the Beast came back. I knew it right then and there. The set up and the timing, literally to the day how he signed my three businesses out of my name. Along with all the money, he locked me in a box right there he tied my hands and set me up for the fall, and boy did this start a long long time ago.

Rodeo, Garth Brooks
History repeating itself over and over staring me right in the face. No wonder he doesn't need to answer the door, he trained these girls a long time ago. Each time I went to him when I noticed something about their behavior after our divorce. He behaved just like the school why are you talking to me about it? Why wouldn't I? That's your job right? You spineless piece of shit you leave me to carry the load of all your shit?  How many times have you left me to sit in your shit? How many times to save a dollar? How many times did you tell me, don't re-act to your rude behavior?

Don't you dare make a move, don't you hurt,  don't you shed a bloody tear drop? Hell Colleen, we wouldn't want people to find out, that would be very rude of you. Don't speak don't tell. We wouldn't want anybody to know? He would tell me it's all in my mind, my childhood, You bet your sweet ass it's about my childhood but I'm not the poisonous seed. He started this the day I told him "I can't get off the couch, I'm pregnant just like last time in only three weeks, I'm so dizzy, I can't see straight, I can't even ke3ep my eyes open. All I can see is a dark cloud".

Music playing now, Red Rock Road, straight to hell and back sweet lava rocks, Jesus Christ Are You Mother Flockin Kiddin Me? My girls are sitting in purgatory and hell, repeating history over and over. That's why I can't break the glass? He's protecting a crime he committed long ago that's why always standing on the outside looking in? Having me committed for a crime I never committed.

When Alex said, "mom I'm so stressed out I'm working six jobs just to go to school and eat. How could I tell her her father is not an honorable man to serve? This is not love? Music Basics Of Love, playing.  Tell her nothing you do Sunshine will ever make this Father happy? How can I tell her we don't earn our fathers love or food to eat. Love isn't a just reward, it just is. How can I tell her we are all serving the wrong father? How can I tell her how it is she even came to be sitting her lil ass in that chair? The answers I've been carrying in a box sitting inside a green folder, the answers to that night? Why he stole it? It documents everything the last time I said, " I feel the light inside me I haven't felt you in two years. I haven't felt the light in two years".

I knew one thing I ain't never had no shame in saying "yeah I have conversations with God? What Of it? Doesn't everybody? Isn't that what we're supposed to do, is connect with our creator?  Find the light in the end and a stand for your creator, and walk with no shame inside your heart, I knew one thing I had no shame in any of this writing, looking at this timeline, It was when it started to dawn on me just how invisible to this man I really am after ten years, a dysfunctional house from hell, he sat me in and told me to spindle the gold on the wheel, make the money grow on this money tree,

Mama Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys. Fitting song right at the moment.
Now God Dammit, Get to sewing lil woman, get to selling lil woman, do my bidding and make my calls, Do all my public relations by day and night for my business, do all the errands. why bitch you just be my lil gopher girl, come sunup or sundown, I'll always be the one to tell you when to get up and when to lie down and when to be my kitty cat bitch and roar like a lion, Till then shut your pie hole, get back to work, get back down on your knees and scrub the spot's off the carpet and mop linoleum,  cut every bodies hair. What hire the neighbor boy to mow the lawn? That's absurd why can't you do it?  Get up in the night to keep it lit bitch, don't you let your pilot light burn out. Come on girl keep on moving, you dirty lil trashy whore, now down on your knees bitch and suck my.... come on you know you want a piece of all this?

The Ride
That is why that day when I looked at Sue Noon,when I was moving out and Greg was moving in. We weren't even divorced yet, The second time in two weeks, look where your at? Look at the timing just when I come by? I hadn't even opened my mouth, as I stand in the kitchen watching Pat Noon console poor Greg, for all the hell he endured being married to a crisis such as me. Greg's got his head down shaking his head, once again I see just what it is I'm supposed to see at just the right time the truth, of the lie once again.

Thank God I'm a country Boy,
Sue say's right off the bat, "Now Colleen I'm not gonna choose between you and Greg". That was just the point, I didn't ask? I wanted us to be civil. Especially after all I had let go of after he signed it all over, and once again for my children, I tried to turn a positive into a negative, Restart, recharge. He nit picked me, and nickle and dimed me after all he had stolen. You see standing at that counter after Greg informed me since I no longer cook him two dinners a night, and I spend all this money on organic groceries to feed my children, Imagine that? Organics were even to high a price to pay for back then even? Being married to such a organic piece of shit like my man, you bet it chaps my ass how broken my picker is.

He actually stood in the kitchen and informed me that since I no longer work and provide for the house, that it is now my job to get up seven days a week, I pretty much did anyways, and well when I didn't, could it be all this sleep medication I need? Non Narcotic at that? The pills you stood behind me and laughed, telling me how crazy I am to need these pills? Well if I recall the first night home after my surgery, I sat on the couch and I screaming out in agony inside my mind. I had fire rolling through my right foot and I wouldn't even take the second pill until the allotted  time six hours later. I didn't want to wake up his Highness even then.

It actually says right here that it was the day before my foot surgery and all week before you hounded me to sit down with Mary Stone, because she's got a great idea how to own shares in our business. This was after I got in Greg's face one time ever in my life and I said to him with my right index finger pointing straight up in the air, "I built these businesses with my bare hands. It is a small family run business, and that is all it will ever be". This is where all of a sudden I have this other woman in my life that this was nothing, He told me just the week before. Such a nice lady to come along just in time to help us out when we need it for free Colleen.

If Tomorrow Never Comes Song
I said, "ain't nothing free Greg". He literally sets me down about how I can't go in my own office I just opened two years ago. He had Mary Stone hand me a two page spousal stipulation that I can only walk in the front door of my office and I have to remain in the waiting area, the one time in what Greg, ten years? The first time I dropped the ball and I didn't drop it at all, you sold me out right then. I had already been back through my mind before I stepped into his office all the times I got drunk in ten plus years of dating and marriage, it was seven times, four times I was not with him. With him or not I got a lecture when I got home, or made to put the kids back to bed because he works and I need to be punished for leaving. I was his designated driver for ten years. So it started during the time after my girls and me got the bird flu for two months around all the holidays, and I begged Greg to hire me help and Greg had to wait once again didn't want to pay someone. Always looking for a barter for a dollar.

When You Say Nothing At All
By the time I stepped through that door I had already figured out all those years I worked for free, or so people, how he collected off my body and my pain and suffering.  No one knew nothing of the part time sales jobs, and server job's in between, or how long our paychecks dropped because of a four month fatal attraction and how after I showed up back at his office to sit in front of this couple with his boss, "My husband ain't your night in shining armor". I already knew by then that he certainly wasn't mine, I had just used the same words to Greg the night before, when he didn't even bother to explain to me why a man shows up at my door?  People are treating me strangely, I'm passing out and dropping to the floor, he didn't even take a minute to explain to me what this was all about? I learned it watching him sit on the phone and cover his ass to my family. It's all a misunderstanding, it's just Colleen over reacting.

American Soldier
No one else knew that Greg's income declined, but hell now we got two kids sticking them in daycare is more than I can make, so yeah I had to use the credit cards to live and by the summer time, I had the front doors open to his office once again, He even called me on my fathers death bed to tell me I need to come in and hammer some nails in the wall. I have to do my part. At one thirty a.m., the day of his funeral that I sang Amazing Grace to a father to a man, that didn't even know his daughter had a voice, that I could belt out a tune to a song I didn't even know. I can stand in front of my lil family and sing my heart out for the first time in my life to a man who didn't even know I existed, but God Dammit it's this Irish Black Swill Daddy, who made me a promise, when I was six year's old that he'd build me a house someday for just me and him.

It was this daddy who showed up and we had a a conversation on the back porch, looking for the answer to the test just one more time before I go through another nightmare brother from hell, My answer was "I know Daddy.  He just needs love".

She's Got Her Blue Jeans On
She Don't know she's beautiful, and according to this timeline I had plenty of sit down conversations pointing out what it was I discovered after ten years of marriage, when I curled up on the floor and cried my eyes out, Not one mention of me or my children in ten years, Not one time did he have a answer or excuse not only for his bad behavior, He wouldn't mention it acknowledge all he has stolen and done already, and he sits there bouncing it right back, Colleen, you need help it's your childhood. What I see here is a clear timeline of me discovering you don't have emotions and you didn't want me or anyone else to find out, So you planted a crazy alcoholic, falling out of her mind crazy, She was so crazy she flocked up the books, That I spent thousands and thousands to save a couple tax dollars. Two years and four accountants later, every six months starting the whole process all over again, the hand off from accountant to accountant. I touched the ball so I took the blame.Ten to twelve thousand a pop. Accountants we never needed, but his highness had a reputation and a trophy wife.

She's Not Sexy Anymore
She put us in this financial debt all that money she spends, I wonder why? I wonder why Greg was always bartering for free services? I wonder why Greg was looking for another woman who was willing to work three jobs for the price of one very very very broken heart. That is what it's all about this Mothers Broken heart after all, Sitting in a rehab that I asked you to stay away and all of a sudden you are right there? Now ask my mother if you were even home with the kids, the first nights three half gallons of alcohol your weed under the mattress,your royal crown under the seat you left in my car, I had four months of pain pills and within a couple days, you were calling me on the phone wanting to know if I had a lawyer because you now owe Mary Stone $12,000 after all and your in a bind,

A few More Red Necks
So I had to hire and pay a lawyer out of the allowance you gave to feed my children. All to find out that after a few months of Mary Stone's help I get stuck with outlandish labels trying to get help for myself. I got stuck with that bill too. I once again let it go for my children. I asked if I could go to Real Estate School because I was only allowed to do a quick service school when the agreement was college. He said "I don't know Colleen, I don't know if we can afford it you'll have to ask Mary Stone". I had to walk in my own office that after I refused to sign over they performed a previous test to get me to re act. I got a call to be your gopher girl during what is supposed to be my time off once again. Only to walk in and have Mary Stone say "Oh I'm Sorry Colleen , we opened new accounts, and well this account no longer has your name on it". She points to the wall, to let me see she removed my name off the business license also. Once again during business hours. I walk out and once again I don't make a scene.

So yeah I had the Truth staring me in the face, when I saw the look on my daughters face, that she doesn't even have a clue how this office came to be or the house? I stole those papers back and forgot about them after my divorce lawyer told me "Colleen the state doesn't recognize abuse in a divorce." So Greg came back into the house and stole the computer, I needed to work from home with the girls, He had two computers at work. My attorney had to make him return it and when he did the Mother Board was broken, and now I have to go into the office to use a computer, trying to be with my kids and work.

I swear, John Michael Montgomery
All those nights walking through the snow alone under the full moon and he never came or bothered to even step into the room. It was then I walked up to my daughter and I saw my dark shadow in my dreams, It is her father, the 666 beast and he really was trying to kill me off and burn me out. It was Greg who walked into my Real Estate job and gave Carol, Cary's X-Wife fuel the fire, the ammunition and lies in a community where I need to make a living, she even pulled and paid for my divorce papers and spread rumors on stuff, that I didn't get to speak about I was told by my lawyer it's a waste of time and money, to let it go.

Good Hearted Woman
It was in Rehab where when I went to talk about the bloody heart flowers who used to block Rana's doorway, A woman who used to be my best friend. Who at the time needed a job and was working in my office sitting in my chair because now her and Bill are divorcing. This is the quintuplet to Alex's Big Goldie Lox Bear twin, we met in the hospital and yes she broke my heart, because well she needed to be needed and Greg had her bake cupcakes for my daughters birthday, and when I got there to deliver them, I was told I had to take them back, my old best friend made them instead.

At a school I would pop in with surprise lunch to eat with my daughters and their little friends and perhaps yes I left the office to teach my daughters and there friends Chinese Jump Rope. Since I caused such a scene the one day, he opened the door after he tore me a new one in our office, for a pack of lies, I didn't even yell then, and for the first time in my life I uttered seven little words, "don't you turn your back on me." It was right then he 86'd me and said your the problem, it's not me Colleen it's your childhood.

When the Thunder Rolls
I remembered the night of the spilled red wine when I walked in on Alex climbing in the freezer to share a popsicle with her lil sister. I saw love and after all this counseling and classes it didn't matter how nicely I explained, the climbing is no longer a issue, she's little and she's like her mother. Hell I was climbing ladder's counters and cupboards with her in the womb. I watched her at two and half shimmy her little diaper butt up the side of the washer, slide her lil butt on top and step over to the dryer to get to that old Halloween candy, because this one never forgot. I told Molly, I'm her mother and she's never fallen.

It's Great To Be Alive
Molly couldn't accept my answer when I very nicely said, Molly it's not your place, it is mine. You do not have children yet. I do, someday you will understand. Molly couldn't just let it go so I get a upset Molly phone call telling me how and why she still thinks I should discipline my daughter. Once again very nicely I said Molly it's not your place. You need to let this go. So Molly starts calling the office, now she's got referrals and she's budding up to my husband bringing this shit into my office, She even tried telling Greg that he needs to talk to me I was rude to her on the phone. Which was a bold face lie. I told Greg get this behavior out of my office.

I took pain pills for four months. Four months later I took two more, I saw a lion roar in my head, it was then I knew I needed tools to help me tame this lion. Greg sat in a detox center insisting to the councilor he needs to keep me. They were like why? She's not on anything, she's just here to get some tools shes perfectly aware. In this letter it says the last winter I packed up my children to take to Arizona. Another Christmas that I pack my children's Christmas up to spend in Arizona with them and I over hear my mother in law say I'm always making waves. This was over Molly something that has happened long before coming back to bite me in the ass once again. It was taken care of and done.

I saw it right there looking in my daughters eye, she's locked in and she can't get out and she doesn't know why? I hug her and I tell her he owns none of this. It was then it hit me like a bolt of lightening. I'm here to get my girls out of purgatory and hell. They are locked in Cinderella Hell, right behind the big Daddies door's the beast himself Daddy 666 and from there it grows, number two, then two more become four, and well two more Greg gets a fourth six and that's not counting his name, I got seven sixes, and I have to get my children out of here, and funny thing is since this started, I wondered why he was so protective of his door and why everyone thinks I'm gonna cause a scene? Could it be that even after we divorced he was telling the new hires not to set me off, I'm crazy.

I Wouldn't of Missed It For the World, song.
I was on the way to ask Greg if she's in town, I was on the way to the library to write her a poem about the rock of love, joy and faith, He walks up to her quietly from behind once more, in the office the first words Alex says to me is mom don't react and now I wonder whose hiding who, and who has who locked inside? I handed Greg the keys to the kingdom the day I gave him my writing with all the answers once again. The answers to the keys to the kingdom, the keys to my heart, my children. That is why the bounty on my head and all the hate toward me and anyone who discovers the truth, he stole everything before I got to the divorce, and I kept letting it go for my children.

There Goes My Life
My Rock My Light My Two Minnie Mes, who I know have emotions, because they tell me in just a few words, and here I am not making a scene, I've never made a scene. Everything she has ever asked for is back in town, and her father is not happy to see me and once again I now know why he went after me with daggers, even after the money? He put a price tag on love, my children and well like I told my mother in the car, you might want to look in that mirror at the common denominator between your three children, because you can't buy my love. So it looks like we do this the hard way. I handed him the answers to my prayers once more and he his venom and that peace sign he makes on his bottom lip when I speak to him, I married the black Viper, and as much as I call my husband, my God asshole, I think today, I will thank God for working in mysterious ways even if it's pretty cliche a trucker who drives a food truck, and a server who met on the oldest covenant on this rock, at that red rock.

I watched him walk away April second because I was to coward to step out of the shadows and speak the truth,  I didn't know it had anything to do with you when I said yes.

Meet In The Middle, Diamond Rio

I realized after I walked away and left her crying once more, I found the documents Alex and he doesn't own any of this. Why Don't you ask him about my wedding ring you were supposed to receive, from mother to first daughter, that blue stone with ten lil, diamonds. Greg is standing quietly behind enjoying once again this show down. Why don't you ask him about the four thousand I got from my father after he died and I invested it back into the office. Then the over six thousand he collected on me and my sister for a car accident he caused. I never got treated even I got eighty sixed. Why did I have so many migraines?

Papa Loved Mama Ropin, The Wind

All the distention this one man created in my family, everyone thinks I'm the bad seed and I wonder why? You cleaned me out and locked me in a box, You buried me six feet under before I even got my foot out the door. All my life I'm hangin close by, no matter what,

Where were you (when the world stopped turning)

 I wouldn't leave them until they each got to a certain age, just like my brother and me, hanging close by in that little green house on Ross Street. Makes me wonder when I was in the classroom play, at Barnes School, I don't remember, was I drip or a drop? I bet we're about to find out.

Now I understand why they woke me up just when they did, just why I got raped in that gold truck that said, CRST, Why I read that man his rights, before my family shut him down for me, so he wasn't free to take out his hate and anger on this lil mother and sister, anymore. God Dammit I'm this families poison Ivy.

I asked God the other day why God, Why are you making me stronger, why the egg on my left shoulder, the rebuild from the inside out right down to my heart chakra,? Why are you strengthening my rotator cuff on my broken left wing? What do you have for me? What kind of pain am I going to be in? Just how bad is this gonna hurt?

Almost Heaven John Denver

He reminded me that I'm the Tourmaline Rock, In with the bad, out with the good. Then I find out Greg is't the brother, he isn't the balance in his birth date 10/12/67. He isn't the balance, I am. I'm his balance for all his poisonous spew and poisonous seed's making mountains out of mole hills, When he stood behind my daughter, and I said out loud" My God, you have my children behind the beast door, the one who hates this mother, and not much respect for the ones who come before". The music playing in the background "Kryptonite." I was down on my knee's in front of Glass of Mary Jane, crying my eyes out right hand in the air. I'm this five star families Kryptonite, and I don't give a flying flock what black star or cult your from don't you ever come back. I know one thing you'll all pray this mother won't have too come back and clean house ever again. My first broom a dirt devil age three. Been cleaning houses a long time now.

The Conversation

To think this all started when the truckers asked for more fruit on the salad bar. I couldn't even get to my manager's door, Why I stood inside TA with rainwater coming down through the outlets coming down on my head, two different Michael's showed up, one each time. Why I stood at that cooking line with water flowing like a dirty river, to discover the father with the black heart, belongs to my own children's father, and I know they have a heart. They have their families heart, just like their mother. Thank God.

Deeper Than The Holler

 These two have emotions, since this started, I told Greg back off, it's my journey, don't you interfere. Now I know why Love can't grow without the sun? I'm Mother Nature and well mother nature don't belong in a box after all, she belongs outside in the Sun spreading their love and magic. Even I knew sitting in the wood's, knowing full well who I am, that it's pretty common knowledge, You don't Flock with Mother Nature and her Family Pride.

Turn's out The Beast didn't need to turn the soil, he just needed to stir the, pot, and drain the honey, chip the tree bark off my spine, one sliver at a time. As he pecked away at my spine my tree of life and he did it slowly over time, all to drain the honey from this mothers well, and drink my essence from that milky way.

I love A rainy Night, Eddie Rabbit, I can't wait to tell my daughter after reading some of my writing as I scribe what I now call my emotions I wear with my families Pride, it turn's out I didn't need his money to go to college and he did choose the wrong money tree after all, and the wrong family to flock with.

Your As Cold As Ice/Foreigner

Does the God Particle need a green card?

St Patty's Day Masacre

Oh Yeah, this is the right song of the moment. It explains just how it is I feel inside. Yeah you bet your sweet ass "It's To Late To Say Your Sorry." Oh yeah St. Patty's Day Massacre comes back around I see. I got a family of four leaf clovers and they are clueless who there father really is, talk about Viper, Yeah I said it the black Viper. Hey what can I say I didn't raise Cain, that would be Bob and Elaine, the ones who's ancestors dirty laundry I am out here cleaning up for.

Once again I see my lil' Rock, what two times in the last twenty months, the one who the moment she see's me fear strikes her in the eye. Her greeting oh so charming always a loving greeting, she always thinks its all about her, it is but hell I didn't know that it was all about me after all. I don't need a conversation I don't want to know because once again it gets more horrifying each time she get's angry and just gets her truth out of the way.

Yeah it seems this mother is really good at striking a cord good or bad I just can't make everybody happy, I see God's point it doesn't matter how much Truth you represent they don't want to know. Hell I wouldn't want to know that my father's true number's are 6666, hell I didn't assign him the number that would be this wonderful system we are all slaves under. When me and Alex fight she gets my Truth right back,

She stays at the counter, and our eyes meet, my families colors and she is not happy with this lil' mother. Got me a new Brawny man coat, yeah someone stole my red and black. It don't matter either way what comes around goes around, it just keeps coming back around and we have seen it so many times we don't even see it anymore. That black void that black void of emotion that blocks Greg from seeing love, knowing love, or even being able to feel it.

No Elaine didn't knowingly raise Cain, hell I didn't know I married him, Truly I couldn't see the black void either, so yeah even after our divorce he wouldn't let it or me go. Always bringing trouble to my door, and if it's not him he's got another minion convinced to call and report to him. It didn't matter where I went or stood this system protected Greg all the way, always a new guideline or parameter. That man stole two businesses, signed over my bank accounts and gave me a allowance, for food, gas and any other expenditures that came up for me and my two children, the two who raised your children fed them and clothed them, opened and ran your businesses , While you for months pocketed your own money bought your own groceries and I had to cover anything that came up with the scholl or anything else. I had to stand in front of Mary Stone and ask her for $300 to go to Real Estate School after Greg signed it all over to her.

All while you nit picked me for everything right down to the heat and the wood, that yeah I hauled and chopped. Hey Greg remember that first Christmas when you were two mother flocking cheap to pay twenty bucks for a Christmas tree, so you had a better plan, you always had a better plan to save a dollar. Well Greg always loved a bargain, who doesn't love a bargain when you got your work horse mule of a wife? Rainy Winter day on those back road mountains. Eight months pregnant with your lil' rock I carried in my belly, the one I almost miscarried out of the blue at four months and told "I needed to stop working and off my feet" I knew that just wasn't reality in my world, not yet anyway.

Then you punched me in the arm laughed and said, "you can do it." Then you volunteered me to put on a garage sale for someone else I had never met and told me I was being selfish not to help someone else. Once again Greg, what about your wife who commuted in a car, looking at nine ant hills facing north. was gone from six thirty and didn't get back into the door until like eight p.m. most night's and you and your mother had another great idea to earn some extra money, I can sew flax packs when I come home from work. Come on Colleen, as long as your moving I gotta squeeze every last dollar out of you, If I'm not gonna get the dollar, I'm gonna get my worth out of you one way or another. We wonder why I sat in counseling always so tired, yet I couldn't sleep? For doing a perfectly healthy thing he held it against me. I just when when I needed to talk to help me see what I couldn't see myself.

Somehow the expectations changed the day I told Greg "I'm not going back to work". Oh don't worry I had another years income to cover that time frame, he actually said to me, "so what are you gonna do after your three years of playing." For a guy who claims to of worked like a dog for three years while in college, wouldn't you call this a admission that he literally fucked off for three years, right up until it became a requirement the last three quarters to actually attend school." That's okay he had a wife, he was set for life. What a pretty boy this Cain turned out to be right? I found the documents he stole. The one that said. "OMG I feel the light, I haven't felt you for three years." I had to double my Paxil to try and keep my mother half of my body inside, so I have discovered,  The blue stone with the bridge of ten lil' diamonds that was to go to Alex for her wedding. Oh yeah you collected on the insurance for that to.

Just like you did the car accident that nearly took out my sister and me and tore us apart because you shut down that claim collected a check for what six thousand and something dollars Greg and you shut down my sisters claim too. What do you care right Greg? Gotta get your monies worth out of my family right? You schmoozed my mother and brought her back in my life when I knew once again she was spiraling out of control in behavior alone, you hounded her to pay for the school clothes for your children.

After our divorce Greg I asked you to keep me on the insurance and I'll pay for it out of my pocket, because I did so much damage to Greg's life that he set me up a long long time ago, like the day I told you I was pregnant and for some reason I'm so dizzy, I can't keep my eyes open even. You see these were the same symptoms I got the last time I became pregnant by this man. I knew in three weeks too. He told me I was being rude not to be able to get up and drive to Bellevue to see a friend visiting from out of town. It was rude of me once again to not be there for whatever image he thought he had.

You wanna be this husbands wife, who made sure he drained the life and essence out of me, the whole marriage I worked like a dog. I forgot I had to cook him two dinners a night, because he didn't like it when I hand made my own chicken nuggets at home, with chicken tenderloin and some bread crumb and seasoning, or no he didn't like Annie's either, well he was okay on the fruit and vegetable, it was just to kid food for him.

I was back at work when Alex was a year old at Red Robin when he ruptured his achelius heel and didn't bother calling or coming home for four days, and it was my fault once again because the one time in our whole mother flockin marriage that man even used insurance was then, and well I paid it a few days late, Paying out the ass for five insurances starting out plus school loans so yeah I sewed, I sewed most anything I needed and it started out in California when I needed office clothes and I got given to me kinda old fashioned and I cut them down and reshaped them down to just my size until I could afford new cloth's and after about a year an half I was making twice the amount of money, and I spent $100 for three pairs of pants two skirts two blouses and a pair of shoes all for my new job and I got a talking to.

So yeah I've been pricked enough and stuck in boxes ever since I was pricked at fifteen years old. Boy did that brother who was a twin, who I helped out when he started out his own business called  Phinal Phase Phinishing hey Greg, you spineless lil weasel I know one thing this brother was a blue collar boy who started out with nothing, well brother your six inch cock don't add up to his ten inches and the last time I saw he was a mother flockin egg head too. What did it say in the bible brother Cain, something about he took it in the heel and she took it in the head, the curse of my migraines and the poison to this countries sugar cane was the day I married you in Round Top Park in Hawaii over looking five main attractions including that toilet bowl, I almost drowned in on our honeymoon, and I picked another fitting song Poison.

You see I was responsible after our divorce for paying for my families health insurance, I could no longer get Chiropractic or massage which is what I needed and should of had the choices on all along, because I want you all to remember this mother is a organic being after all, well pill hell started with Greg, you know the system who misdiagnosed and kept me locked up all these years all the while suppressing my nervous system even more paying for all these pills out of my own pocket hoping they would work. I was told when I could get a migraine, and how I could get a migraine, I was told my back doesn't really hurt, your making it up. Like Dr, Todd said, "you know Colleen we move our arms allot it's natural. My spine is twisting and turning away, knot after knot, turning to stone.

The last time I spent anytime with my father, you know the father Jack, with the father John, Yeah it was in Vantage and it was "The petrified forest." I know this system poisoned and created the e-coli in the Jack in The Box burgers all to get and use the excuse to get to these gardens and private wells on mankind's private lands and shut them down. Yeah I know you all only know one thing and you assume that on thing is the only thing. You assume you know God and none of this is Godly behavior up or down this line and I will shut you down. You poisoned me and twisted my whittle spine and set up a guideline that I can't get any help still, not even a diagnosis but they wanted to give me cortisone shots down my spine my tree of life that you are no longer welcome to weaken and poison all to weaken this mothers core. You will pay for this, because Cain in my writing and my head I gave it all back all back to you.

So yeah when we women say our husbands give us a headache well this man right here is the reason why. What a deceptive lil" piece of shit he was. Yeah I said to God, I made one wish Daddy, I made one wish long ago. That he just falls off and disappears forever. Little did I know that lot's of people just up and disappear out of the bible never to be seen again. Nope not just JC, let me see a Lazarus, and a Elijah. Let's not forget Enoch. Knock Knock. Who's there? Enoch you on your ass with my tribe of wild boy hybrid angels, my brothers and sisters. Reap what you sew on earth as in heaven, Well turns out heaven is that universe and anything created on this rock came from the heavens and that universe and that universe is my Husband's. I just happen to find gold arches name tag with just that name. The name I was gonna name my brother, Elijah Todd, my daughters Irish twin. Cain's fourth child. Hell once again I didn't raise him.

Elaine and Bob wanted there son to have a better life so while his mother worked as a word processor twittering her lil fingers away and his father worked at Boeing mixing paint for twenty year's, then coming home and buying up houses fixing them up, they thought it would be a better life for him if they did everything for him, no chores and balancing of the bank accounts, and at sixteen when he got a DUI, no punishment, losing his license was punishment enough. What's it been 13 years now. I had become my own lil Miss Daisy driving these old ladies around in there last roof over there head and hauling there bags for that piece of shit mother flocker who poisoned the fruit of my loins. He tied my hands and so did the principals in religion and the system, I stood in front of that judge not able to speak, "I was told I deserved everything, I had coming to me."

So yeah the day I lost those keys being stranded on another mountain top in Bellingham Washington in another storm, with $1200 locked in my car this brother came to the rescue and he didn't have any money or gas to even get back home, Truly I never saw my keys again, well once, all four sets in the bottom his bag he carried back and forth to work along with the bills I wrote checks for, but I couldn't get him to go collect his checks, to much pride to much ego, to go ask for the money you earned to feed your children and keep a roof over their head I guess. So yeah after he stole my business illegally along with my bank accounts by the time I went to rehab I got drunk seven times during our whole marriage, Two times with him once with my sister and three times, every two months, the last six months and I was not home. He made sure I paid however, when I got home the kids would be crying with there doors shut his door shut a pillow over his head and the bathroom fan on. So I guess I wasn't such a bad mother to tuck my kids back into bed was I Greg.

The papers you stole from me, the ones that documents everything that my own lawyer told me abuse doesn't matter in a divorce, and I learned in rehab what abuse was as a wife and husband, then I was told I am responsible for his school loans. He had signed the papers the night I almost blacked out and I didn't know so my doctor upped my paxil and he said what are you doing you can't stay in this marriage and expect to survive. I tried to turn a negative in to a positive and let it go, so I decided in order to survive this I need color in my house and I made a list of everything I needed to do, and I did it, morning noon and night, He hounded me for the paint , he nickle and dimed me for a heat bill that I got down from three hundred to eighty five dollars and it still wasn't good enough for him, so he tells me that since I know longer have a job and I'm just home with the kids, it is now my job to get up seven days a week with them. Hell I did anyways, his issue before this was he wanted me to get up before everyone else did, get ready, get the kids up and ready so he could just get up and leave for work and this ws literally the only time my children saw there father constantly. I just couldn't believe he still had the balls to even put into words.


So yeah when I read the word tolerate in my school system, and in the usage of building a tolerance which is a llergy to a medication that shuts you down emotionally along the nervous system and spine to treat pain, and tell you no you don't hurt your lying, that's impossible it says right here in the computer, Last I checked I'm not a droid or a computer but our doctors are now brainwashed not listening or helping there clientele any more they serve a system to cover a insurance a liability which is you the organic being not a synthetic being after all. So yes Greg told me it would be illegal to cover my insurance. I begged for Cain's soul three times in front of God in three different garden's and I had no idea why? I had no idea why my right leg wanted to kick him in the rib's, and when my daddy the one with that ring of fire find out just why his wife lost his life, why his other mother died that same day, is because of this very very very bad daddy full of deception and lies, I will gladly let my brother who was raped at the age of seven and fathered a child by the age of eight years old, yeah I will gladly let my brother do the honors.

Yesterday, I asked God, Why are you restrengthening me from the inside out God? Your up to something what are you preparing my body for, I got my answer, the energy wave of poison that is going to wave through me, and no that is not the last beating I will endure once more I'm sure of that, so as I sat crying with my hand in the air, I realized the song playing in my head phones was Kryptonite.

I asked God the day before, that dishwasher with the name Vlad, is it just the name God, or the physical being, and guess where he guided me back to, That deceiving yellow house that fallen Angels name is Lucifer, and I've found my Satan standing at the fathers door and he's here for the Son on this ground, the one that looks just like Kevin down that T-zone, with another mother flocking egg head. Yeah you bet your sweet ass when my daughter hasn't seen her mother for a year and half and her first response is to protect the wrong fathers door, as she goes into the litney of her stress pissing me off inside more and more, mom I work six jobs I don't have you number, That is just my point, so when I realize I have stood on the outside watching that man turn my children into Cinderella children once again begging for food and water. Always protecting the wrong father aren't we, always protecting this system and that true entity that is the Monopoly.

I want those kings in front of me on my land, You mother flocking cowards, herding gods sheep poisoning them in the heart and putting a price tag on a mothers love, is wrong. Putting a price tag on your children's head is wrong, how would you know by the looks of it you have been serving the kings for your food for to long now. I am done you know longer have the right to choose what you do to me, my heart my mind or my body, in this universe and on my rock. I signed my name on blood at the wrong covenant that you all have been serving all along and I said the Lords Prayer at that black well with the two black snakes, don't worry IC what you did to my natives and all my children, I already put it in writing from the heart, give them back there right to love whom they choose because well I only work in solutions, and I know just where I am planting those gardens when this is done, I put it in writing, give mankind back their gardens across each land, get rid of these kind of kings God, Get rid of the poison.

My grandfather with the right hand that racist man who sacrificed his daughter, showed me all those hand signals, I love you the illuminatti but I don't like this Illuminati, granddaddy so I have turned it back into the rainbow of colors that we all represent, without white we have no color people. Yeah I can get a lil' black I discovered because you have not met faith.

So yeah God, I'll now take that shadow of the Sun, the One Son, the ONE BIG DADDY that I picked long ago, over and over. I know he's an asshole, I'm used to asshole brothers holding the keys to my kingdom, this rock is my kingdom, and so it the sun in the sky, the son on this ground, That BIG JOHN, I promise Woddburn doesn'[t even begin to bring the fire he'as gonna bring. Well yes, this is what happen when mankind is meant to tolerate for so long, you created an squashed the beast inside each animal I see inside one man. Hey you created him not me, He's just another Tormaline rock, processing the poison in his own way. Yeah I pick that Daddy hands down, Finally I agree to your terms. Equal ground. I'mm gonna knock this rock off its axis. Send these brothers souls to hell and throwing away the key. I know ione thing you don't flock with mother nature or her flock.

Keys To The Kingdom Of Hell

You know God when I l look at all the shit I have taken for someone else's behavior under my roof all because someone else held those keys to my house, the rage, the anger, the abuse, the injustice of all I tolerated for so long with each man for someone else's issues and poison. Sweet justice is mine. Michael's cousin and boss using the word nigger like it's  nothing in my house. Oh the freedom and slavery just with this one issue and word alone and all the injustice and disservice.  I mean I am appalled on one hand, that they are happy, I mean the black people who's history and color of the skin represents slavery. I mean come on God we all know the darker you are the more of a slave thou were. Even the sisters aren't black enuf for their man. I mean come on God a white forefather who was a president wrote the constitution warned of this entity and just happens to be related to all these now African Americans, now they're proud of the slavery to be a lil' white after all. Without white you have no color people. God Damnitt God you did it again figured out a way to write, while I'm on my workout bike. I warned you. 😊

440 hz vs 3 6 and 9

http://www.michaelleehill.net/432-hz-unlocking-the-magnificence-of-the-3-6-and-9-the-key-to-the-universe/

One Black Snake Down

To Kill the Black Snake | Comment | The Pacific Northwest Inlander | News, Politics, Music, Calendar, Events in Spokane, Coeur d'Alene and the Inland Northwest http://m.inlander.com/spokane/to-kill-the-black-snake/Content?oid=2879936