That Poisonous Red Apple IC Inside Me

You know I had a rough night, not much sleep but the bright side is I'm sleeping until almost six a.m. Somehow when your environment is controlled in everything you do and say. Your time, if you have food to eat today? If you are able to eat what your being served? If you can get there in time to get that free meal, that I should be so grateful for? Yeah it's amazing when you have nothing, the choices you have to make each day just to have a roof over your head, with a hot meal right? Poison your food, your doctor's and healthcare, your heart in religion. Is not God, It's Bullshit that's what I say.

How about this what are you gonna be able to carry on your back each day? What if you weren't given a choice? Not even a choice in what bag your gonna carry, who's bag? Cause ya know when your out here hitting this cement paradise I like to call hell getting through this rat race of a maze. Going from door to door, nope can't help you. In this program we have all these program's and parameters, well I'm sorry your not the right fit for this program, not quite what we're looking for. You know what I want to know how come in these state offices their are so many guideline and parameters for each program? Alway's in a different location further and further away, just for a Orca Card that got mailed to a different office to a different location and I had to keep coming back. Every Wednesday cum rain or chine I had to keep coming back to get that discount card for this system over here.

The HEN Program at that the mentally ill, get's a bag of bathroom necessities that last one week, have to go pick it up once a month. Nope these mentally ill don't qualify for the taxis service to these appointments, just the doctors, but it's mandatory they have to be here. They can, get a job for up to ten hours a month up to ten dollars an hour. They get four hundred dollars to rent a room. Really and just who is gonna get taken advantage of out here? The ones who are spiritually misguided, the ones who have the most faith in their God. I get handed two bus tickets and a six hour bus ride back home, with stops, and I have no clue where I'm at. Labeled mentally ill and they left me to find my own way home because it's cheaper to send a mentally ill person on a bus than a Taxi I qualified for. How do these labels add up again? This mother gives this healthcare system a F. A great big Fail is what I say, and to my surprise how long has this been going on now? These people have been poisoned in their food back in the sixties with that GMO all to starve our bodies, so no people they don't need the chains of slavery anymore.

Oh I'm sorry we had a cut back, you know it's the system we all gotta do our part? My other favorite is oh they put in there notice and they transferred to another desk. You know what I want to know is where is this systems back up? I mean I'm doing what I'm supposed to do. I show up but where the flock are you? You had two weeks God dammit now show the flock up. So I ask, well why don't you have someone to back up this position, it's a clerical job. Well it should be anyway but now this flocking system has set up more guide line and parameters for a clerical job I could do with the back of my hand, and I'm pretty sure more than half of those bodies, those human beings you like to label trash? NOOOOO!!!! Of course not to encourage us to get this job, you got to go to school and it is now labeled a A.A. degree job.

I have filled out so many resumes over the last few years and it's the biggest joke I have ever seen. Now the State is helping by setting up another program to pay all these wonderful people to help us find a job. Gotta sign up for this e-mail, make sure you have nothing on face book or any other type of technology, cause if you were out there, you will be found. Every lil dirty secret you keep in your closet. You know that night you went out and loosened up and tied one on until the bars shut down. I don't know about you, but everyday I gotta take a flocking pill I don't want, but what they hey, I'm part of this industry and I gotta pay. I gotta take Sudafed Sinus Pain every mother flocking day, or It'll trigger a migraine if I don't. I gotta stay on top of that one however now because of all these drug addicts this system created, they now keep it locked behind the counter until after nine.

So yeah being out here in this industry supporting this entity from hell, I now have to buy panti liners because now I gotta pea every 10 minutes, hey but some ones gotta pay right? Now I gotta stay on top of that Sudafed and panti liners. I now take two different allergy pills on top of that and two different sinus sprays each day and that flocking yetti pot, and the white powder for that or make sure I got my ingredient's and distilled water. Irony I'm on this apple health plan and to me, I've never seen a more poisonous apple in my life. I gotta my back up Imitrex which is a non narcotic medication that helps with part of my migraines. For over twenty years I couldn't get one mother flocking doctor to up the dose, until a couple of months ago.

Wow! these doctors what a joke. I have never seen a more brainwashed group of human beings, with the biggest bullshit excuse to serve a system and not society, because some one has to pay the price for all this addiction. WHOOOO!   WHHHEEEEE! Yeah I have never seen so much sheep herding in my life, and for such a Godly group of people that you claim to represent, You all are the most blind. ignorant flockk of people I know today. You are are so stuck in your boxes using God as a poor excuse for your bad behavior to judge these people, the meek that IC are going to inheret thy earth, as well as they should. You all treat them like garbage after you invite them into your house's. You even have the gull to volunteer to let us in by a certain time and leave us standing out in the rain, You tell us we can't use the soap or paper towel's in a bathroom, that we have to sleep with these light's on all night, then when one lil' butter fingers get's a slippery on and drops the ball, we all get the blame and told we can only stand in this location, and no you can't dance under the lamp light for that family upstairs alone with your black shadow, you have to go back to the herd.

All I gotta say is flock this mother flocking rock. I've had it, someone else choosing how they poison my body. One way those little white pills we all flock to the pharmacy to haggle over. Show our ID and be thankful for this other poison. This other addiction that make's me have to keep stopping and starting over life every five minutes searching for a John. It's a band-aid at that. Plus I gotta carry those bottles on my back at that.

Hell when I first got out here I got handed a one inch stack of paper work, I really only needed two pages but thanks for cutting down my tree's to help you help me. Yup I had to carry that on my back with all these other business card's, phone numbers that I get to call for help with my two hundred and fifty minute phone. Yup I sat on hold for one hour to change one address, that I had already called a few times before and each time she directed to me a different number. Yup I had to call those other three number anyway's because on one card their are three different insurance that interlink, but to help me out I had to call and sit on hold and give them every number I ever owned across each nation across each land going how far back, and I look I gotta remember another pass code on this pass code highway to hell that thank you you mother flock-in Curtis, Don't think I don't see you,

Oh yeah brother, you now got your fingers in every home and now we are thanking for all your blessings. Yup google chrome, you sent me on this pass code highway to hell, taking over every E-mail I ever had and I had to change all the pass codes on every network I logged on to and got permission to do this dinging my phone each time, pretty much each time depending what software, network or application I signed into I had to start over. Then you take over and you just keep popping up with all your help, because now I have gained a electronic mother dinging me every few minutes asking me, would you like us to share your photo's with Facebook? Would you like us to share your contacts list with Facebook? Google would like to down load your location and post it for all your electronic friends to see. Let them see just what your up to each step of the way? While they keep a electronic footprint all the way downloading and gathering everything you do each step of the way and downloading all your information to that black cloud in the sky.

So now it downloads all the good bad and ugly you ever did, and they ding you for each character defect for all this addiction, disease, and cancer we are receiving with this wonderful food and drug government lending us a helping hand, how come this system is the only thing that can change it's spots but not mankind? Not in religion or this system my two favorite poison's of all. You poison my air with this invisible dome you created, you know those clouds that go in a straight line and slowly dissipate, slow spread so you hardly notice it. So fumy because when I was a kid, clouds sure didn't look like that, bu thanks for your service someone's gotta pay right? Funny, couldn't get a sinus rinse with medication in it because this apple doesn't cover it, nope not on your health plan anyway. However they'd rather me poison my body and draw out the pain with five different allergy medications.

They created all this when they poisoned our wheat just after I was born it got planted, so about that timeline they already had a plan set up if they already had the seed to start poisoning our wheat. The reason we need all this healthcare is because of that poisonous seed and it's side effect's in our bodies over time, You know that cause and effect thing again? It say's in Revelations don't poison the wine, don't poison the wheat, and look it's mankind's downfall. Did I tell you I'm a celiac? Thank God for this health care system right? Only in this Nation that created and started spreading the seed these last two generations of families. Thank God for all these pills right? Gotta cover these corporations that make a living. They gotta earn too. So what I want to know why then did they send our warehouses out of our nation so it's cheaper on them right? These corporations gotta make there money right?

In these countries that they shipped our warehouses and processing plants for penny's on the dollar are still hungry, living in poverty, as well as this nation. Cause and effect. The rich get richer and the poor get poorer serving this entity instead of God's flock. If you want to help me and help mankind stop making acid rain in y clouds and poisoning my air. Stop poisoning my seeds, my dirt and air. You are making mankind sicker and putting price tags on the wrong sheep's head. You can hold onto your God and you families and let go of that ego in religion and society. You can stop looking at that fake money tree and worrying what your gonna get out of it for the day and take a look around you.

Oh Jack! Yup, Jack what happened to the beef? I mean really if that wasn't a set up to take over mother natures resources come in take over and put a even higher price tag on your head? E-Coli went from the Jack to the bean sprouts, then fear and panic better check the wells on all these private lands. Now they can't use them because of the fear they created over the E-Coli. If they do they get fined. Can't collect rain water, you get fined, but thank God for all that technology to keep track of every dollar watching the cash registers and the money but not mankind and the people working on these front lines taking the shit from all sides.

The Corporation nickel and dimeing you at that till and for each and every item you put on your potato is a joke. How much is a flockin potato anyway. My grand daddy used to do this other lyric or riddle. Knothead what has a two O's on each end and is high in the middle? Ohio is the answer. That potato farm my mother used to work in. My time their money right? Then I'm told at that truck stop Colleen you can't use mace on a customer or fight back if they get out of control or you'll be fired. I'm working a graveyard shift off a highway where the locals know my name and my children's. The side door doesn't have a lock, I have no camera telling me what is happening on that floor on that front line, while I have to run to the back to make deserts for the next ten minutes because the freezer broke, but I gotta do the cash register, the candy counter, count tills, run food, fight with the cooks. You know if you can't do your job on that front line, just get the flock off.

In any restaurant you work in the priority is the customer, their service and the quality of the food. Instead now I got cooks managing me, nickel and dimeing for two ounces of gravy but we give and charge a dollar for a cup. NNNOOO! They took the sausage out of the meat and replaced it with powder. I gotta guy that ordered a rare steak a hour ago, a all you can eat at that. It goes out wrong and he hasn't got the time. Had to tell him before he ordered, order at your own risk. If you change your mind or something goes wrong, you got pay double for one serving, oh yeah and you can't get it to go even if we flock it up. Yup new rules at this truck stop. Gotta serve the truckers but not the rest of the customers.

The Community this truck stop has sat at since the fifties and those travelers going down a recreational highway. Season with the four season's in this area and well you just never know whats gonna come walking in the door when. The way I see it these corporations only serve themselves. Labels for mental illness to pay for insurance that doesn't cover anyone's tree of life. That spine that holds you up, that rib cage that protects your heart. Yeah this system would rather give you pills for those saggy shoulders and achy back all to cover more pills and healthcare products for more side effects. Sending people from doctor to doctor, not doing a thing for the pain, all so no one has to take responsibility for this healthcare system that your tax dollars pay for. Hey thanks addict's. Thanks doctors for telling me my pain is all in my mind not my spine. For what twenty flockin years now? Telling me according to this chart you don't hurt. I say flock this system, Flock this entity that funny that, passed a law we have to have it or pay a fine. What Congress, this slip through the cracks too?

According to the space between your disc, you look fine. I'm like I'm supposed to have a S curve in my spine. It's stick straight with lil spikes sticking out here and there. This x-ray technician is only trained to read a x-ray this far so until we can get another technician or another type of x-ray, you don't hurt. It's all in your mind and well it's our dime not your's. To charge you all this mark up and compounded interest in our hearts bodies and minds, while they poison us. Leave us to take the blame while they spread the poison. Then we blame each other for this poison and for each our own God.

All I need is a massage, an adjustment to maintain and well then I wouldn't need all your mother flocking pills. While you tell me, a woman, a mother and a human being U don't hurt. While you tell me that it's all neurological, when no the flock it's not just that. It is muscular skeletal, it affects my tendons, my muscles and my bones. Your way just cuts off the blood flow. My way opens it back up. So I ask why do we only treat part of the problem, and not all of it?

What is the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results. So why the flock hasn't anyone learned anything. Why do we keep kicking the same dead horse banging our heads against the wall? Why don't we open up society to alternative healthcare also instead of saying their is only one way. Why do we keep rejecting people who try to come to at least learn about God's word only to be told, you don't fit in this club either? Their is something wrong with you and only one way to find God. When I assure you you can find him anywhere and everywhere you go. It's okay to be human, it's okay to love who you want how you.It is not okay to break a child's spirit. It is not okay to take something not freely given.

It is not okay to use God as a good excuse for your bad behavior. If it ain't Love it ain't God. As a parent however sometimes you gotta put your foot down and say it's enough. When it comes to the bigger picture and all this technology out growing and making choices for mankind is wrong, all while you stress them out and make them feel less than. Is not okay. As God's children you have a right to defend yourself, but not be so defensive. It's okay to take a stand, don't throw the first punch however. You have the right to walk away without taking all the blame. You have the right to get a glass of water without paying twenty seven cents for a cup. You have a right to get a drink with out having to get a drink from the bottle, and pay the high price on something that used to pay us. Recycling all these water bottles, cell phones, filament. All these Low quality to high quality prices on clothes all to pay for the label is absurd.

Creating a really cheap product that only gets you through a couple of times goes in our landfills. Clothing, shampoo for example, If it falls apart fast it goes in our landfills and that makes it a disservice for all these no name brands. You pay a high price for all this processed food and fillers that started coming into our food long before we were aware. I am sorry but on my rock, everyone has a right to eat without all the poison and garbage. They have the right to the milk mother nature provided, and when we had farms our o-zone wasn't being eaten away. Truth be told every nation has a right to food shelter and water no matter what minerals and diamonds sit below mother earth. We are all her children.

If this system suffers you as her children suffer. If our food is poisoned you are poisoned. If our healthcare system is poison and just spreads out the torture and pain over a long period to God's flock and it's not okay to represent my God with this behavior. It is not okay to convince mankind that you are the kings. I learned from watching all these history movies, across time and nations. The queen's were enslaved to the kings. Society was enslaved to a king that got fatter and fatter while their constituents starved. Who needs shelter if your dead right? They put them in cages and made them slavery to their sex and entertainment, their gardens and lands, while their children and women and the men got raped without a thought. These Kings all had it bassackwards, Your King serves you, your king feeds you. You don't need all this poison for the illusion of protection for the battles they created fighting over lands that never belonged to them. They used God and kept picking and changing the rules as a good excuse for their bad behavior. So by putting a high price on mother natures essence, you poisoned mankind.

With all your trolls sitting collecting on all these toll booths. We are paying for and trying to create electronic delivery drivers for this poisonous food, when we got plenty of men and women to bring the food and medicine to feed God's flock. We have electronic servers at McDonald's now all to pay for a health insurance that passed a law that its illegal not to have health insurance. I don't know about you but it pisses this mother off. I want my rock back. I want my life back. I want to dance to the beat of my own drum without being nit picked and left to pay the price carrying this heavy load on my back.

Flockin Cain, if I had been able to get inside a church I might of learned about the verse, "he took it in the heel and she took it in the head". Irony that one. Working at Red Robin as a server made a agreement to work day shift for one week for this manager. I went back to him because when I looked at the schedule, I didn't get my shift's back. I asked him about this and he told me he's not giving them back he's keeping me on day shift. Then told me to smile, and I didn't do as he said, so I was fired.

Just happens to be when Alex was one years old and Greg went on a four day trip with the guy's from Renton High School, first day out ruptures his Achelius heel and doesn't call me, go to the hospital nothing. Came home four days later, can't work now, just happened to be the one month I was late rotating the funds to cover our already tight bills. All this overhead being married to a contractor Chiropractor, you see we were already paying like five other insurance plans.

So no this cocksucker pretends to have a fake cough to lay about in bed all day, and I never saw him sick one day in his life. He's the socio-path with no emotions who stole everything, just right in the nick of time right Greg? You put labels on my head and out of ten years I got drunk five times and you couldn't miss one social event that wasn't a drinking party, in all those years? Now I see who has been living in my house this whole time and I had no clue. Couldn't even get my lawyer to look at all these conversation's I tried having every step of the way. Told no it doesn't matter that he still nit picked you about the heat for years, and I got it down from three hundred to eighty five and he still hammered me. Over heat and food, the right to go to the doctor or dentist, without a haggle, always at the cost of me this mother, but not this time Cain and You black Snake Lucifer trailing that oil pipe across my lands. You poison our fathers love with all these rules on love in your religion, that ego you all share in religion and society because you have a kick stand.

Nope Cain not this time, religion and rules on God's love is EVOL incarnate and you get a F. I realized one thing about all those test of love I've been put through in my visions and dreams, that perhaps God was testing Greg/Cain one last time, over and over for him to pick? To pick, love, for his family, for his wife and children. Looking back I never dishonored this Father, I fed him, I cherished him, I honored and trusted the wrong father all along, just those of you in religion with all your rules who truly have treated and dishonored your mothers using God's name for your poor behavior.

I have discovered that Elijah, Enoch, and JC were all prophets who just disappeared off this rock, never to be seen again, or have you and you just didn't know it. I have learned that God always knows where we are at, and what we do and how we feel, because we carry him inside. God is my Father, My one True Father, who has been driving this bus and carrying this mothers bloody heart in the palm of his hand all along, watching me take the hits for that brother that this lil' dancing moon, just keeps coming back and revolving my life around, for one last dance, one last time.

I want you all to know, I am willing to bow down before My King, My God, this lil' mother's black shadow is God, I'll gladly accept his dance card on his terms now. I'll gladly wash away these rivers with my bloody tears anytime, I'll gladly hang on that cross for My One True Husband, My One True Lord, that I carry inside me. Who say's the face of JC hasn't changed over time? Who made this rule anyway's? Who say's JC was a virgin? Who says God wouldn't keep coming back to fight for His Son, His Daughter, if he hasn't been doing it all along. Carrying the burden's and tears inside you, both parents are inside you everywhere you go each day. They feed you, they provide you your food and medicine all along, if that's not love I don't know what is. This Rock I REPRESENT to HONOR, RESPECT, CHERISH AND LOVE FOREVERMORE, IF I CAN I DO AND I WILL, THY WILL.

My Lil' Red Rose

My Lil' Red Rose

Honey, do you remember this "lil' red rose"? Your first teacher's mother drew it for you when you were just three years old. You attended the Montessori. You carried it with you for the first few days. Then you put it down and I picked it up. I loved that lil' red rose too, it just seemed to have struck a chord inside my heart. I didn't want you to lose it, so I carried it in my first A.A. book along with a picture of my two lil' rosebuds from the Mothers Day Tea Party we attended.

My first A.A. meeting that I chaired was in Fall City, it was called, "The Rose", By some small miracle when I looked to the left, there hanging on the wall was a picture of my two lil' rose buds, to remind me just why I sat in that chair. You two were in the Christmas Choir a few years before, it seems they needed two more lil angels to sing along. This Mothers rock, this mothers light, that I carry inside me each day on this journey, we call life. I have come to discover baby girl, that some of us learn what love is, by living what love isn't. All to find the light once more. The true purpose on this journey is to find the light after all.

I have come to realize just who my True Shepard, that has been my guiding light all along. It seems I never knew he was the one that has kept me moving each day, I hurt inside this mothers bleeding heart. One thing I knew inside long ago was when the light turned off inside me. The day I lost you, my lil' red rose, so I carried you inside me everyday and I never let you go. I'm just making my own tiny footprints in this life for you to follow.

It seems Sunshine I've been revolving my life around that sun this whole time and I didn't even know it. We all have our crosses to bare in this life and well that brother of mine can be a royal pain in my arse sometimes too. This brother he has heart and he's been holding it in the palm of his hand this whole time. Yup, baby girl if I gotta have a Big Daddy standing behind me, well I pick him, hand's down I pick Him and yes, I would walk through a valley of bloody roses to get to Him.

Yes sweet pea, you have left tiny footprints across my heart, My one wish for you this year, is to turn this families lilies into a bed of red roses. I once told you long ago "Sunshine you choose, and choose you shall do". Your pick in your own sweet time my love, this mothers bloody tear drop will wash the rivers clean for you once and forevermore. This Purpose Driven Life I lead, the reason my mother, and that mother before you kept taking the hit's is for you baby girl, this families lil" red rose. You know what I wouldn't change one thing, because to me your worth it, and so is that Father and that Brother, that stands at heavens gates holding my teddy bear, tucked safely under his arm.

As much as I hate to let this Lil Red Rose go, you bet the flying flock I want you to spread your wings and fly, just not to far, never to far from my heart. My light in the dark.

I love you Sunshine, My Lil' Red Rose.

Always and forevermore,
Your mother forevermore,
Red Rock Lily Rose.

Stormy Day

Stormy Day Country Radio today and that about sums up just how I feel. Yup indeed my halo feels a lil crooked, a bit on the wild side. Ready to throw it all to the wind. Explode doesn't even begin to cover it for me these last few weeks. Wow! Weeks, I mean months. Yup our computer is tit's up and once again I just know it's the sign to shut me down and turn me off from upstairs. I let this family angels and guide's use my emotions and my body for how long now? Always a double edge sword with this family. Just trying to get answers to one simple question can be pretty complicated. Just who's emotion is coming through me today, is it the upside, the cocky side of her today. Then to figure out just who is gonna walk me through my day? Which husband today?

Seeing pieces of myself not only mythically with you all, fantasy or terrestrial. Kind of pisses me off ya know. I mean to see that throughout life this family has been fighting this battle for a long time. Yeah some day's I am and I sound like a ungrateful winy lil bitch for all this enlightenment down deep into my soul. Your heaven or my hell? To tell you the truth their are a couple of bad apples in every bushell. Just how am I going to break the news to mankind without getting everyone killed and or panicked. Especially, all of my children that I hold inside me.

To see a man carrying a cross. Yeah that is the apitomy of faith hurts. Yeah I'm ashamed of my own ungrateful behavior as they unload all this shit on me one piece at a time. I hurt. I hurt like you could never understand in so many ways. Lately right between the shoulder blades, My neck and thorax locked up on Friday. I couldn't lift my left arm from my body. I stretched and had Michael try and work it out I knew what it is was doing. I had a thought and my muscle twitched. I thought I was gonna come out of my skin. My doctors tell me I'm making it up. Started physical therapy a couple weeks ago and yoga again about a month ago just trying to keep the blood pumping and the knots from forming. Once the curve starts it's hell to try and prevent my spine muscles and tendons not to go back to the old muscle memory.

A massage and weekly chiropractics during the hard times would benefit me more than Tramadol that makes me smoke like a fucking chimney and keeps me awake or all the other allergy and noninflammatory blowin out my kidney's liver and spleen, burning my stomach till I'm puking. Finally I truly want no poison, Truly this has been my attitude all along, and I have been told I am lying or not worthy that I fucked up so I have to take all this nerve stuff that shuts me down emotionally and fatigues me so that I can't move, more Tordol for those knot's Colleen, It's a flocking head trip to get in anywhere with the labels. Truly this system serves the pharmaceutical and the synthetic droids they are trying to turn us all into as they try to get mankind to forget we used to have organic food and medicine before all this disease control.

Now we kill them off right along with mother natures and God's flock. Oh yeah he's watching. I want so much to tell you all just right where he is at and just where you can find him, I want you all to have your own kingdom and your own power. Learning lately just how big this Religion and God shit is well let's just say, it's shit. Couldn't be more blunt than that. Yes I fight with God. Yes I chew him out and every time in his own way he gives me the answers and usually someone else will pop in at times to move me along. So yeah, that lil Sara and who I am? Let's just say JC's incentive to follow through and not swing back because of his seed in Mary's belly. The secret seed in this families line. Let's just say I know how he feel's. At least he had a clue and others did to at just who he was. Would of been nice ya know. Like I didn't look at my brother about the Eve thing and say "you could of told me. His reply, shrug of shoulder's, it's God. I know what are you gonna do right?"

So discovering just who that man is to me as he hung on that cross, yeah he is my cross to bare. It seems we've done this before. Did he have it worse or me? He did. Hands down. He did. How long did I live as Mary Magdalene you ask? I don't know and I don't want to, but yeah that was you all better remember That was Mother Mary, that was Mary Magdalene, and Sara's footsteps I walk in. Which daughter is Sara I have no idea. Alex my rock, our first song together after she was born, "was you and me against the world." I truly never felt more alone in my life until after Alex. Everyone was so angry at me for being pregnant, at twenty six years old, married and years and many different kinds of counseling under my belt and many books read to prepare myself for her. I remember another prayer I said in the past. It was after I a counselor told me, "Colleen that's not discipline that's abuse." Now I know in my heart that I was not like my mother, but what if my backs against the wall? Frustration, anger and well maturity and awareness goes along way in raising a child.

I sat in the car outside the office and I cried. I can see myself with my hands in the air, telling God "I'll stop this God. I'll stop this circle of abuse in my family. I can do this God. Put my families burdens on me God. I'm younger and I'm stronger God." After I moved to California I went to every kind of counseling I could get my hands on. On my own. I knew two things, that you cannot control a child's emotion's. Emotion's are important and as a parent I had to learn to let them have their emotions and guide them and the other, not to break their spirit doing it. So yeah, it was C food to get them to open their lil guppy mouth's, feet on the floor, indoor voices and my favorite one most of all. I'd set a timer in between their ages. If one was 4 and the other 6 they had to hug for five minutes. If they continued to fight and fell apart, I reset the timer until everyone was laughing and the situation forgotten about.

Learning how much was stolen from me, literally right in front of my eyes while still married, from Greg and my mother. I was told before I filed that the State of Washington doesn't look at abuse in a divorce, and the year before he literally removed my name from everything and I also was told if I did anything about it I'd get half of his school loans. So many times I could of taken him down, but I wouldn't because of those two. I stood in front of a judge and never got to speak, she told me I deserve everything I have coming to me. While in mitigation I said something about Mary and fifty bucks and she said to me, well from what I understand you were no Angel. Afterward's I got a bill from my lawyer for ten more thousand dollars and after that twenty thousand, after that she was disbarred, who paid the price for her? So yeah I understand how this planet Guya feels, Neglect is the most invisible abuse of all, and well how about mother nature?

The one who feed's you, your medicine and your food, all so we can act like Lord of the Flies down here turn a blind eye and blame someone else. For example the vegetarians blame the meat eaters for the ozone layers and animal cruelty, so they don't care if the meat eaters have meat and dairy, and well the meat eaters could care less about those garden's. It's no one's fault as much as you think. This system like my mother, was hoping that some of us would forget how things used to be.

Funny this system doesn't treat mankind's tree of life on insurance, no alternative healthcare either. What about the psychiatrist who said on his deathbed he made up ADHD along with other other mental illnesses all to support the pharma companies and they keep diagnosing and writing the pills like it's real all to fuck up our emotion's that God and Mother Nature gave us. Any healthy psychological or spiritual healing will tell you getting through the emotions is the most important, but only in this system and religion is anger wrong. Sex is wrong in religion or so misguided, I mean really when you think about it why wouldn't it be? They wrote off half of your soul as unimportant, only in religion and this system like the pay scale vs. gender. The woman is less. This is the ego in the religion that has killed of my natives and mother nature, so yes it makes me sad and other days pretty angry.

To figure out pretty much every life I've had to fight somehow for this brother and Father of mine is a pretty hard pill to swallow. Do I have faith in that family, yes. Do I love and and honor that family, in their eyes yes, in yours no. The Catholics, my Irish fairy side cut me out and hid my body. Are you flocking kidding me? The Jewish had the Roman's kill my husband and I'm supposed to be happy about this? None of this religion honors any Father I know from up above and quite frankly you all should be ashamed of yourselves to be so arrogant to kill me off over and over. Kill every messenger God ever sent you through politics, Abe Lincoln and the Kennedy's. Just to name a few. I haven't a clue who this Anastasia is or who she represent's but we killed her and her family to didn't we. What about Ana the mummy they have on display here in the states? Anne's just keep popping up and it makes me cry.

I see so many common links continuing today from way back then. Slavery, rape and pillage. I assure you ain't no legend in any land a saint because of these two thing's that are killing off mankind. This Entity that has been working behind the scene's and boy what a impression they made back in the Depression didn't they. Cause and effect today all this depression in the ground and in our minds. What ever you want to call that dark shadow in your life, that dark cloud, dark energy or Satan. I really don't give a flying flock what you call it. I'm here as a celestial being living in a human shell having a human experience just like all of you for this planet, and to tell you the truth some day's I tell this family, blow it the flock up.

I am so angry that I can clearly see how we have advanced technologically and most of you think this is how you are supposed to advance. That you need a actual visual aid to see another dimension, for how much money? How much garbage in our landfills, our wallets and minds? When all you have to do is look inside yourself to find your light and your power, it's that easy. Have a conversation. If your angry, sad glad or mad, give it all you got to that man upstairs. That's what he's there for, For Christ Sake's he's God. He already knows what your thinking, he goes everywhere you go and so does your mother. Yup they are both right there.

I'll tell you what for one month give that family all you got upstairs, let it all go. I mean he's God, been around for awhile, he is your creator, your light and he ain't in no box and neither are you so stop acting like it. Step back and when you least expect it you'll notice a song or a conversation meant just for you. You start to notice things that are different and maybe things that are the same. You remember God couldn't tell us who we really are inside, you wanted to be clean slates on your own journey to finding the light. Some of learn what love is by living in what love isn't. Turn it back around. Turn that negative you see into a positive, awareness is a big key to change. So are dreams and so is our creativity, we are organic beings if some of us are more gifted in one way and some gifted in another. It's all alright with me. I just want balance.

Don't let someone else's values tell you who you are. I am appalled that we are willing to go live on another planet with aliens but you can't except another gender for whoever they are or whoever they love? Truly no one man on this planet is a mistake. It is mankind and someone else's old belief's that if they don't add up to healthy love, no agenda and no strings attached it ain't God. So yes people people religion is covering up who you really are and just where Christianity really came from. I've got the nice Christian's killing my natives who just happen's to honor both the mother and the father, like other masters God has sent, Buddha for example. In Buddhism God comes from within.

You don't have to stand on a soap box and get all religious, for peet's sake's please don't. I want you to feel your family from within, I want you to walk and talk it. Just in your actions and behaviors to both the mother, father and each other. Kindness and respect go along ways.  I want you to have family and traditions, laughter and joy, from all the good stuff. I want you to ascend, I want you to transcend and go as high as you wish, just don't take out and do others harm doing it. We are all brothers and sisters, Some of us are cowboys and some of us are Indians, Some of us are a lil tao, and others a lil chi, to me it's all the same. One love, one God, One Family and one light and with you you are part of that five star family. We are all related to that family with wings. Who say's this family can't throw down. Who says God's family isn't a lil cocky and bad ass, all for the good stuff in life. I'll end with John Denver, Loved this song growin up, "Thank God I'm A Country Boy/Girl."