I'm still out here alone not knowing how far they will push this upstairs. Stroke or heart attack, aneurysm? I've even in my mind questioned them? Am I still doing what is right? A sinner an addict still, pushing the envelope.
It went from eagle tongue to cancer. Who cares now it's all to late let's do it.
Then I said, repeat history my body failing every which way, the heart from the start. My body shutting down in face, stroke. Huge Knott's in arm's both and leg's. First pain spots everywhere, like a piece of dough I'd roll out. Keeping the pain down, moving and stretching. The pain in chest, well this started one big knot and car wreck C5 and C3. Michael Golden, scoliosis. I'm not kidding he pawned me off and guilted and stared like it's just expected. They'd do it. That look and pause. 8f he didn't make a joke of it and laugh. Everything a joke. The joker and Jack ass.
I sat bawling, tears streaming. My arm's behind my head. Mike is here plez get him out. A vision. It's not going to stop, I'm still on this journey. Intense emotion and pain I've said it B4 the rejection of the ❤️. Repeat history. Around and around we go. My left arm weak. Left leg between joint is different pain. DO NOT TOUCH. now it states there down leg, all Knott's. The insanity doing the same thing over and over 3xpecting different results. The merry go round park. My drowning and diamond head? But to actually go to the functioning of my ❤️? My brain in a lil while. I can't keep this up in any physical way. C inf the blind eye to pain and justice.
I'm bawling the river's pouring thru. It's been so long this strong I C me enslaved to Greg. U have no idea the blind eye. Not one time physically or emotionally. For me or my girl's watching him and not realizing the repeat history and slavery to a marriage of neglect and abuse. Every time he made me pay. Every time gas lighting me on this electric bill that I have no control over. He hounded me and down graded me on anything I asked for. Guilting me and still asking for more. Telling me my punishment on everything all along he is destroying this house that's so disfynctional no matter the more I did, he demanded more. I said to my girls U have no idea the blind eye. All these people did was blame demand and down graded her more telling her she has to take at least half the blame for the weed? These people gave no credit or acknowledgement on her or her children 2 B born and in the womb. They never, not even on safety in her being abandoned and no thot. They believed U had to suffer when younger U earn it to have a nice house. U rebuild on. Equity. Equine is the word I was looking for, a horse in the star's. Mike didn't know what I was talking about. I more than earned without a paycheck to determine my worth for them. I didn't pay myself bcuz of Greg's paranoia about taxes. He still had me packing and hauling every 6 months further away and Greg's to do getting out of town schedule never stops. U have no idea of slavery? Being enslaved to a marriage for love. There was no love in either direction. He did not acknowledge me at all still. I don't exist, even in his writing. Seeing myself standing at rattle snake ridge, not knowing what this really meant whom he really is? A man with a long plan. To kill me off slowly and not acknowledge anything after I went to the office, he didn't tell me or Mary what he really wanted me to sign? She told me apologized but I knew she was telling the Truth cuz he literally just did the same to me. She served Ham. I PAW'S the situation Ham? Greg said I like American she said, so she made me ham. A lot Greg know's, my least favorite meat cuz if U eat to much tape worm's. Plus I'm picky. Greg's mom, I started eating it again. It was rare but good. It just melted. Jesus put demon in pig, and a religion doesn't eat pig. The people rutting behind me with bore head's. I cried, I wailed at never being seen and invisible. U have no idea how no credit for nothing. He abandoned, blamed, spoke of her value since she's not bringing in an income. He saw nothing I still maintained nothing dropped but he kept demanding more and more. My tears are how cold this family was. Ruthless of the heart, telling her she over spent or wasted money unecesserily her doing everything everything with her own hands. Her furniture her mother, her family everything else she had done with her own art. Whatever she had to work with and moved it forward. My mother's lesson's were lesson's of a broken 💔. A blind justice. U will pay for your sister satisfying her husband. Including the clothes U had to take off your back and hand over. Just like my mother. Who gave her permission to do this. Jesus Mother Fucking Christ. My brother. My father, my husband, my son. My heart hurts. My Knott's are smaller finally it was last night and the Knott's especially learning that he did use 8nsurance and Adam to cause this wreck. My sister thot I knew. I didn't know he was calling her expecting her to transfer her auto accident to him. I couldn't believe it. He mentioned it, I think but it made no sense. Even my mom said that she handed Greg over her insurance and he bill's it even when she's not there. All I knew 9f then was if she was in, I billed it. Anything over is free to her. Should of been anyways. I never got percs. For me to find this out, another proof of life. I never knew to ask. It never dawned on me until this conversation was a missing link. He did this on purpose and he once again did not acknowledge or ask. I couldn't order a temperpedic after. Wasn't getting adjustments or massage.
How many times did he tell me it would be illegal to help me. Just look at all the illegal stuff he did every step of the way. He wouldn't even do a mailer out 9f his office, under his postal number, We paid for it. She's shoveling dog shite to make a living. He was to proud to drive that death trap of a truck to my families.
Can we plez get this done already? 9nce again technology, the hold up. I'm trying not to panic. That was another purge of emotions. Grief. My marriage. I have already realized his birthday isn't just the numbers but the date is Aleister Alexander Crowley and the significance of Christopher Columbus, Creed the essence of the apple. Genocide is what a native woman said even tho, the date's of the chix pox blanket didn't coinside with him, but our marriage. Our birthdates are the key this last time.
Is there something wrong with Cing a picture movie of your emotions?
